After I come back in I realize I'm in my underwear. Most days when I step out on my patio my neighbor is out there smoking a cig. Thank God I don't think he was out there. At least I hope not. I was kind of preoccupied. I have a feeling when we leave these neighbors will be throwing a going away party that we're not invited to. I leave the back door open to try and get the smoke out while I get in the shower. I thought to myself God was looking out for me for sure. If I did not go out to get my phone my house would have been on fire for sure. That fire was taking off fast. So I'm in the shower singing in my head that song by Alicia Keys. Ya know the one..."This girl is on fire". I was singing "This trash is on fire" in my head. Don't judge singing shit that is happening to me makes me feel better. I always wanted to be a rock star. After I get out of the shower Hubs calls. He asks me what my plans are for the day. I tell him I'm going out to buy a new garbage. He tells me between Christmas, trying to build our dream house, and the big cut his paycheck just took(thank you, Obama) we need to buckle up for a few months. I say....."So we can't afford a new garbage?". He says.."Of course we can but we don't need to buying anything unless we really need it". I say.."We really need one". He says.."We will get one for the new house, the one we have is fine for now". I say..."No, we really need one". He says..."Just wait to replace stuff till we get in the new house". I say.."I kind of set the one we have on fire and it is out on the patio a little warped". He says.."Your joking right?". I say.."Not so much". He says.."How the hell did you set the trash on fire???". I say..."Let me just say the house could have went down in flames but I managed to keep the flames in the trash, I'm kind of the rock star of putting fires out". He says.."What are you talking about??". I say.."I put some hot candle black shit in it and kind of set it on fire, melted it, and now we need a new one". I then say.."By the way, I'm fine in case you were worried, and we really did need a new one since we had that one for like 12 years". He says.."Your joking right?". I say.."nope". I say..."Guess what, the fire alarms don't work very well in here either".
I was expecting a lecture from him. He tries to lecture me a lot as if I'm his child. I always tell him lecturing me as if I was his child is no good for our sex life. He may be listening after 17 years of marriage. He says..."I guess your shopping for a new garbage today". I pick up all the kids from school, before I do I stop at Home Depot. I don't like the trash cans there. After I drop them at home I head to Garden Ridge to look at the cans there. When I walk in I see the Christmas trees are 90 percent off. Since I want to do the Christmas walk next year I get a little excited. I pick up a 200 hundred dollar tree for twenty. I do get a trash can too. When I get home I bring the can in and leave the tree in the back of my car. I'm hiding it from Hubs since he is not 100 percent on board for the Christmas walk yet. He doesn't like my can. He tells me there are way better cans at Cost Co. I say.."I will return it and you buy the way better can from Cost Co". Thinking..."Can snob" in my head!
I'm heading to Zumba after I get home. I had not been since I was sick. I kind of love this class. Makes me think I could totally do dancing with the stars. Oh wait, I'm not a star. I guess that fantasy is out. I had a great time at class. When I headed home Hubs car was not in the driveway. He has been working out which is a whole other conversation. I thought this is the time to get the tree out of my car. I run in and open the garage. I pull the tree out of my car to hide it in the garage. Which takes skills by the way.
So back to Hubs is working out story. The other night I was watching shit TV and Hubs tells me he is going to work out. I pause the TV and say.."Cosmo mag says when your man starts to work out it may mean he has a girlfriend". He laughs. I say.."What are you laughing about????". I say.."You do have mono, which is the "Kissing" disease". I ask him if he has something to tell me. He laughs and says...."Are you joking Kerry, we are building our dream home not to mention you would take more than half my shit since we have three kids, you stopped working cause of me, we're in Texas that promotes alimony, and how could I possibly replace someone like you?". When he said "How could I possibly replace someone like you" I heard a tad of sarcasm in his voice. But then I realized dude would owe me his left nut if we split and that would not be so attractive to any sane girl. But on the other hand there are a lot of not so sane gals out there. An old wise owl told me if you stroke their ego and put out regularly you are all good. So I think I'm alright.
After Zumba and the hidden tree I settle in for some good DVRed crap. Cole is at the kitchen doing homework drumming with his pen. I keep telling him to stop with the pen. He learned this new annoying trait going to Zumba with me tonight. The instructors son was doing it there. I do have to say the instructors son is a great kid even if he taught Cole and Aidan an annoying trait. So Hubs says he is going to bed because this Mono thing still has him down. My phone which is on the charger makes a noise. I tell Cole to check it. He say.."Dad wants you to turn the TV down". So I do. A few minutes later my phone buzzes again. I tell Cole to check it. He says..Dad says "If you want to get naked I'm ready and willing". Priceless!!!!!! Right! OMG, trying to explain to a 6th grader that it was a joke was not going the way I expected. Because you do know as a kid thinking of your parents getting naked is the equivalent of puking in your mouth!!!!
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