Monday, April 29, 2013
He is kind and really has a good heart. I couldn't ask for a better Dad. I enjoy the time I get to spend with him. I love the fact that he understands me. He told me while he was here that he doesn't know how I do it. Do you know how good it feels to hear that???? Sometimes the people I live with don't appreciate all I do. Since he retired he has tried a different beer every day. He is up to over 200 kinds. He writes in this little journal about the beers and what's up in his life. Like an old persons blog. When he was in the shower I peeked in his journal. I was surprised at how funny it was. I think he should publish it when he's done.
He came to see Aidan..aka..Pig Pen play baseball. He's a baseball lover. Aidan by chance got on Grumps favorite team "The Sox". Aidan pitched that night. He's a great pitcher but couldn't get anything over the plate. He got a great catch that night. I think my Grumps enjoyed seeing that. My niece happens to be his favorite. He has a soft spot for girls. We called him out asking what his screen saver was. It's the Golden Jerk of course. Damn that girl is a torn in my side. But I'm a big girl and can admit she is something special. We do like to poke fun at Grumps for having a favorite.
Now is when I totally plug Nutribullet. I got myself a Nutribullet for Xmas. I loved it so much that I got Grumps one. The Nutribullet for me has helped with a lot. My hot flashes are gone. That's a big deal. Now for my Dad it has been great. Probably the best gift I ever got him. His cholesterol was way over 200 hundred before I got him this. He has used the Nutribullet every day for four months and started walking. His cholesterol dropped to 150. So see I'm helping my Grumps now instead of hurting him as I did in my teen years!
Anyway, I said it before but this is the guy I love. I put this guy through hell on more than one occasion. Like in high school when I would brake curfew and he would meet me at the door in his tighty whities mad as hell. I never got why he was so mad. I get it now that I have my own kids. He would tell me he couldn't sleep till I was home. I never got that either. I'm getting it now and it really even have started for me. My oldest will be driving in four short months and I'm dreading it remembering my high school years. I hope my kid has heard at least half of what I told him. I'm smarter than my Grumps in way. My Grumps was a good kid that really never got in trouble. He was a little more naive than I will be. My kids are not going to get away with half of what I did. I did the big bad and the evil. Unlike my parents. There were times when I snowed them because they had not done those things. It worked out great for me. Not so much for my kids.
I have concerns about my high school kid. When I talk to Grumps he is way more laid back then he was with me. He is like "kids are going to mess up". Really who are you???? Here is how I feel. I think back to me and my friends in high school. Let me tell you most of us were raised to believe you did not have sex or drink. For some reason that went right out some door for some of us. I'm confused on how to approach these subjects with my kids. I want them to know that I don't believe they should do either. I also have to teach them about consequences for bad decisions. Like if you have sex you could have a baby. You better be ready to support a baby. It's hard to support a baby. I'm not going to raise that baby, I raised mine. Drinking...I hate the thought of kids drinking. I tell them...remember it's illegal. Never and I mean never get in a car with a person who drank or drive drunk. As much as I don't agree with it I will never judge you if you do it and call me for a ride...NO QUESTIONS asked! I truly believe at your age your too young to handle drinking. Adults don't handle it well some times. The biggest thing I preach is don't try to grow up too fast. There is plenty of time to do adult things when your an adult. Being grown-up is over rated anyway! So I have a new respect for my parents who I used to think were so stupid.
We had a great visit with Grumps. It went way too fast.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
While at the wedding the photographer who is a long time resident in Utopia asked where I was staying. I told her in the old Ware-Donoho house. I got the..."OHHHH". I said..."What, do you mean when you say OHHHHH". She says..."Have you seen Mama yet????". I say..."I don't think so, but I may have seen her picture since there are dead people pictures everywhere I turn". I tell her this is not the first I have heard of this "Mama". She goes on to tell me that people staying in the house have said they have been sleeping and woke up to her touching their face or her standing over them. She tells me don't sleep in the red room which I happen to be in or the downstairs room. I think..."For fucks sake, why are you telling my already over active brain this". I want to shoot Hubs for renting the haunted house!!!!! So I forgot about it for a while because ignorance is bliss. A buzz helped for a while at least, my buzz only lasted through the reception though!
We got back to the haunted house after the wedding. I was telling my old neighbor who was staying there too about what that lady said. I went up to change. Pig Pen and Drama came with me. They were scared. All the sudden the bedroom door opened. Pig Pen started screaming and ran into the corner. When I looked up there was my neighbor with a sheet and the "MaMa's" picture in front of it. I seriously almost wet my pants laughing so hard! It's all fun and games till "Mama" shows us who runs this house!!!!
After this I went downstairs and saw the guest book on the counter. I don't usually read what other guest write but I was curious. Big mistake...before bed!!!! I started to read story after story about strange things that happened to these guest in this house. One person wrote about how they were there at Xmas. Two of their gifts disappeared. I wonder what was in those gifts that "mama" wanted. What does a ghost do with gifts???? Then someone talked about a cold breeze that came through the house with no windows or doors open. We did feel a cool breeze once while there. Todd went upstairs to find a door opened that we didn't open. Yes, you can totally insert creepy music. Another talked about lights flickering. Another talked about their face being touched while sleeping. Another talked about strange noises and shadows. Someone else saw a lady walking around at night. I had to shut the stupid book. Wondering if people were making shit up to scare other guest. But then there was the iPhone and the TV thing. I was freaked out for sure.
Everyone went to bed. I was not about to sleep in that red room. Pig Pen was asleep on the sofa. I decided to sleep on the sofa with him. The dog was walking around crying. I let him out and stood by the back door freaked out. The dog disappeared for a while. I was yelling for him.....fearing "Mama" got him and she was about to drag me to the river. Yes, I have an overactive imagination. The dog finally came back. I couldn't shake my creepy feeling. I tried to lay down on the sofa. I closed my eyes not wanting to open them. The dog still cried, that did not help me! At one point I thought I was going to hyperventilate. I feared "Mama" was pissed that we poked fun at her even more than the night before. She was going to show me! I feared all those dead people pictures eyes were going to move if I looked at them. I feared the non working organ was going to start playing. I fought with myself. Saying things like "Your 43 are you really acting like a scared child"? I heard strange things. But I didn't dare open my eyes! I feared "Mama" was walking on the ceiling like in that scary commercial. I laid there forever over thinking everything I heard and read.
I think I finally fell asleep. Or at least I thought I did. I thought I woke up because the room looked the same. Someone was over me touching my face. Have you ever been in that sleep where you don't know if your asleep or dreaming???? I'm still on the fence. I'm not sure if I dreamed that or if someone really touched my face. In the morning a strange thing happened. There was a table with four chairs outside the kitchen. When we were packing up I noticed one chair was moved. It was moved right outside the haunted room. As if someone sat in it and watched that room in the night. Oh yes, insert that creepy music for sure. I'm so glad we were leaving. I had a creepy feeling all morning!
On the way home Hub's who is not a believer of ghost says.."That house freaked me out". He says he got a weird feeling in there! This started a conversation. Cole asks us about dead people. He says..."Why aren't those dead people in heaven??". I say.."I think some people get lost cause they don't want to let go". He says.."Do we decide if we want to go to heaven or haunt people??". I say.."I'm not sure only God knows". He says.."I think I may want to haunt people". I say.."Don't you think that would get boring?". He says.."Not really". I think it might be fun to haunt people too!!!!! At least a few for a while...but after that I totally want to go to heaven!!!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Hub's told me a few months back that he rented us a large house on the river. When we pulled up I thought.."this doesn't look half bad". We had some old neighbors driving in from Dallas to share the house with us. It was a pretty good price for being so large and on several acres and on the river. Later I found out why!!!!!!!!!!! When I walked in the house it was very old. In an old creepy way. Pictures of dead people filled the house. On the inside it was like something right out of a horror flick. The original part of the house was built in 1829.......Do the math. My guess is there is a good possibility that people died in this house! Now I have a very overactive imagination so visions of every scary movie I ever saw flooded my head. The kids right away asked if this was a haunted house. Insert creepy music!!!!!!!
Several years later she called one night to tell me she reconnected with an old friend. See "face book" is good for other things besides..."Look at me" "look at me". She wanted to bring him out for a weekend. She seemed to be my old friend again. The happy one. I was happy for her. I was also a little scared because I still felt a strong loyalty to my dear friend who passed. I knew I would compare him to him. I guess that's a natural reaction. He was a hard one to live up too. When I met the "new guy" I couldn't help but like him. He was kind and easy to talk to. He really seemed to care about her. He was sensitive to what she had been through. He was alright with us talking about our friend and telling old stories. He wanted us all the keep his memory alive. I don't want to say he fixed her. We can only choose to fix ourselves. I do believe when they met she was broken. He definitely helped her put the pieces back together. For the first time I saw a glimpse of my old friend. From that point on every time she came he came with her. Every time she seemed to get better and better. Every time he came I liked him more. My kids grew to love him. My husband and I grew to love him. He is by far one of the kindest people we have met. Not a mean bone in his body.
Side note...Kevin died from a fall. On our way home from the wedding today. I heard something from Cole for the first time ever. He told me that he dreams of Kevin a lot. I asked "what do you dream?". Kevin really took my boys in and treated them as his own. He said he dreams he is falling in his driveway...he catches him and saves him". He tells me he dreams about this a lot. It makes me sad in a way. Because he couldn't save Kevin. I often dream these crazy dreams too. Where my favorite dead people are alive. I often dream my uncle Kevin and my Grandma are alive. I'm always disappointed when I wake up and realize it was just a dream. I'm sure he feels the same way. I can't believe that was seven years ago...which makes Cole kindergarden. I can't believe he dreams such intense dreams.
So to say we were overjoyed when she called to say he popped the question is an understatement. We look forward to hanging out with them for many years to come. Guys like these are really one in a million or a billion! I wanted to make a speech like this at the wedding. I'm a big cry baby though! I would have never made it through a speech like that. I'm so happy for both of them.
On a final note. I looked fatter than I wanted to in that bridesmaid dress. Back fat is most annoying. When I was asked to be a bridesmaid at 43. I told myself I would lose 20 pounds. I started working out hard for the first time in December. My ignorant self thought I would be back to my 20 year old self within six weeks. I have stuck with "Zumba" at least three days a week since then. On a really good week it's four. Sometimes my overactive imagination makes me think there must be a 20 pound tumor in me. Then I realize yes there is but it's a fat tumor. I didn't lose 20 pounds. In fact I have not lost one pound. The closer it got I said..."alright ten pounds" ...Then.."alright five pounds"... I do have to say I love "Zumba", it's fun and I have at least shifted this new found fat. I have for the first time in years thought about me. Us Mom's get caught up in all our kids stuff. We drive them to school, to practice, to games, eat everything they leave behind. We forget about ourselves.
Diet, Diet, Diet, is what these workout people keep telling me. I hate that cause I love to drink sugar drinks all day and eat bad. I get that when you get to certain age you have to change. It just sucks wrapping my head around it. For all you young folk out there...those old ass people are right.....this shit catches up with you. If I could have a do over I would have always ate right, exercised regularly, and caked my face with sun screen and retinal. So I embark on yet another Monday...when I promise to cut out all my favorite shit....sugar drinks, bad food, and pure bliss. Only to try to revert back to the good old days where I had no idea I had a smoking hot body! I swear I will love it now if I could just get it back! Now if I get back I will run naked through the streets ......saying "look at me". Well maybe just through my house by myself. Sorry too tired once again to proof read...it is what it is, so judge away.
Here's the rap song I made up for Monday when I want sugar...
SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR
SUGAR, IS A BOOGER
SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR
IS A BOOGER THAT STICKS
IT's A BOOGER THAT CAN'T BE PICKED
SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR
I DON'T WANT THESE SUGAR BOOGERS.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
This year he started out great. Every meet he got 1st or 2nd. I couldn't be more proud of him. Especially since he really has had no formal training in this. We don't really have a high school coach who specialized in this field. Last year at the middle school the coach had gone to collage on a pole vaulting scholarship. We kind of lucked out. This year we were on our own.
Every meet every other school had a coach who watched their kids steps and form. They would help them with every vault. Since it was just me with Blake, I would make friends with the coaches. I would talk them into helping Blake with his steps and form. In the meets that didn't count they were all for it. They helped him and he did great.
We went to district today. Once again he vaulted lower than he was doing at every other meet by almost two feet. . It's like something gets in his head and he can't do what he normally does. He cracks under pressure and I don't know how to help him get over this. I have been at every meet supporting him from the side. This most important meet I was late. Every other meet I got there on time and waited two hours cause they never started on time. I was on the phone with a good friend, she was on her way to the meet. I told her to stay with him till I got there. I had to meet hubs over this new house crap. When I was on the way I got a text from my friend that he was out on ten feet. I missed it. I felt awful.
So I did something that I will be ashamed of probably till I die. I called him and gave him a hard time about not doing well. I said things like.."You did not try hard enough"...and "how could you not at least get what you got in the past". I could hear his disappointment on the other line, even heard his voice crack. He became defensive and said..."I had no coach to help me and you weren't even here, so you have no idea how hard this is". He was in tears when I got him. Talk about felling like an ass!
Now I'm not a mom who takes excuses...well maybe a little...well maybe lots. But what I forgot today is kids are not perfect as much as we want them to be. When we have our kids we don't want them to fail. We want them to be the best at everything. That's unrealistic, unless you have that one in a million freak of nature like Tiger Woods, lance Armstrong, or Michael Phelps. When I think of perfect athlete I also think they were sex addicts, juicers, and pot smokers. So I guess there are no perfect people and as much as I want perfect kids it's not happening.
Truth be told...at a lot of those meets. Kids Blake was beating were training six months out of the year. Blake did go a few times to some camps but he was far from a six month a year trainer. I think I was disappointed because this is the first sport that he was the best at. At least in his school. He is a good athlete. Blake is great at football. Not afraid to tackle or not afraid of a tackle. But no football star. He loved basketball...but we won't even blog about that. He has struggled more than the normal kid in school. This was the first thing I saw his heart in anything besides his girlfriend. It hurt me to see him not do his best at this meet.
When I got the final results. I saw the highest jump was 12 feet. His highest is 11. So he would have placed about fourth if he did his best. But this was vaulting with varsity. So the 12 feet could have been a senior. He is a freshman. So I am proud. I feel awful that I came down on him. He really did do great when I think of the whole season. I'm an asshole for getting on him.
I picked him up with every intention of staying at the meet. He was shaken though, so I took him home. On the way home he was on the defense from my not so nice phone call. He said.."coach is proud of me, I don't know why your not". He also told me he lettered as a freshmen. Which is a huge deal to him, but in my mind it's a four hundred dollar jacket. He will probably give that to his girlfriend. I said "I'm super proud, I just don't get why you couldn't vault what you do normally do". He said.."I was on my own with no support from anyone and I did the best I could". I was taken back...mostly because I supported him more than he will ever know. I begged the pig skins to get get poles for our school, I begged the middle school coach to help him. and I got boosters to give us money towards this. I got the money too. No support cut like a knife!!!!!
I do think the not so charming prince had a pretty amazing season. I'm really proud of him!
Monday, April 8, 2013
When we got home I got to thinking about the 80's. For some reason that song "Shot through the heart" is ringing in my head. I start to reminisce. I think back to sitting on my bed with a friend singing "shot through the heart" over some boy. Singing most dramatically of course. I remember rocking my side pony. At my high school there were many groups. The popular group, the jocks, the nerds, the valley girls, the stoners, and the outcast. We walked around with our tight rolled jeans, fluorescent clothes, and walkmans. At a time when I didn't have an ounce of fat on me over sized sweaters were in fashion. Woe is me!
I went to an all girls school in the city my first year of high school. Big mistake. Everyone of us were super boy crazy because of it. We had to wear a uniform there. After school we would roll up our skirts and pull down our knee high socks. We would stop at the local store to cake on blue eyeshadow and red lipstick. We looked forward to the dances when the boys schools would come. On the weekends we would hang out at the Hub. This was the local roller rink. My moms much younger brother worked there. He was super cool. He had a girlfriend who I dreamed about looking like. He's actually married to her now. I was a bit of a star at the roller rink because of him. He could skate like nobodies business. They would turn the lights down low and us girls would skate holding hands with the catholic school boys.
We moved to the burbs the next year. I was so excited. I was finally going to go to public school. I had only known catholic school at this point. I think I was most excited about wearing real clothes and having boys in school. I remember being scared as hell to start though. My biggest fear was sitting alone at lunch. When I got there most kids had gone to school together since elementary. The clicks were already formed. It's funny when I think about my high school now. There was a smoking section in there. Can you imagine?????? The kids who smoked in the smoking section were called "the stoners". They were always dressed in concert tshirts and had a chain that went from their belt to their wallet. Then there was the popular group. It was your typical popular group. There was a core three who ruled it. There were many that followed those three around like puppy dogs. In the lunch room we had a juke box. "Take on me", played every day on that thing my first year. This was way different than catholic school. The most exciting thing in our lunch room were crazy nuns. The popular kids had their own table. When I first got there I sat from afar and watched the popular table. I thought I need to get to that table. All the popular girls and all the football players sat there. I eventually worked my way over to that table.
It took me awhile to win my place at the "it" table. I had gym with one of the popular girls. She thought I was super funny and eventually invited me to eat at the table. I think I spent a week singing a happy dance song in my head..."I'm at the popular table, yes I am...I'm at the popular table, yes I am". Eating at that table was my biggest goal back then. Eventually I met a friend named Mary. She lived in my neighborhood and dated one of the guys that us girls used to refer to as "our guys". She was younger than us. But she was dating one of "ours". We used to hate when "our guys" would date the younger classmates. Mary and I became fast friends. We were both boy crazy. One day there were "hot" guys working on the house behind mine. Since Mary and I were "hey look at me" girls we put a baby pool in my back yard. We got in our tiny bathing suits and did anything we could to get their attention. Mary and I used to take my dad's car to the "library" every night. He would check the mileage. We were really chasing boys and driving all over town. We learned quick how to set the miles back on his car.
Mary and I sounded just alike on the phone. We would go to my house and drag the cord phone into my room. We would call boys and keep switching talking to them. They never caught on. I would have her ask things I couldn't and I would do the same for her. I believe we would even break up for each other over the phone. We put my dad's car in a ditch one night. Got someone to pull us out and went to the car wash to clean the mud. All I remember about that night is lots of laughter. Since we were both boy crazy we got on this kick where we would have a boyfriend from every high school in the area. My poor dad! Some of my favorite memories are with her, Karen, and Natalie.
How many of you 80's ladies rocked out your aqua net???? Purple can?? No one who grew up in the eighties doesn't remember that can. Hello my hair stood right the hell up. My poor parent's bathroom with all the aqua net crap on everything. We were not sexy, but we didn't know it!
The weekends we would drive around this shopping center over and over. Everyone who was anyone did this. It was Barrington square. We would seriously drive the square for hours blasting music and looking at boys driving around in other cars. The night I graduated high school my other friends and I drove around it naked on a dare. Mary was younger so she was not there for that. I rarely have not taken a dare in my life. I find dares kind of fun...at least back then. I really do miss those days. They were days filled with simple fun. Calling boys and hanging up, driving around stalking boys, swimming naked in the quarry, laughing until your stomach hurt, and just plain being young and dumb.
Then there was the famous 80's movies. Never saw a John Hugh's movie I didn't love. I6 candles, The breakfast club, Ferris, Pretty in pink, and so on. John is a torn in my side as much as I loved his movies. Us 8o's teenagers have a warped view of romance because of him. We all loved those movies but we're waiting for our eighties movie ending. What girl who grow up in the eighties didn't fantasize about the guy who showed up with a birthday cake when everyone else forgot??? How about landing the "it" guy???? The boom box outside your window??? I'm still waiting for my 80's movie ending.....thank you John for that!!!! RIP!
Now I think what would Mary and I be like in this generation????? This is what I think. We would post "Look at me pics" on Facebook. We would make duck faces and have our hand on the hip in every picture. We would totally stalk the boys we liked on Facebook and show up everywhere they checked in at. We would rock out a blinged out iPhone. We would probably text inappropriate things for each other. We might have been the girls who sent a "hey look at me" picture over the phone. I do remember when she went to collage in Florida. I came to visit. We took these bathing suit shots with sunglasses on my film camera for our boyfriends. I wish I could find those shots. They were soooo funny. We might have been "you tube" crazy girls. Facetime...I won't even go there.....Skype god help me! I would have been in big trouble with Grumps for sure. Thank God we didn't grow up in the social media world back then.
It's funny cause I watch my kids social media stuff like a hawk. Probably because I know what I would be doing with it at their age. It would not have been pretty. I see these girls and their duck faces posing like models. I think where are the awkward years???? Do you notice girls don't have those anymore??? I remember not wanting my picture taken at that age. Instead of making a duck face I put my hand up. Girls now post bathing suit shots with the caption "sexy" on it. I never and I mean never felt sexy at that age. I don't remember anyone looking "sexy" at that age. Sign of the times......as that news guy says! Anywho.....are you still singing "shot through the heart" in your head??? I know I am!
Btw, Mary and I lost touch for a while. We hooked back up thanks to Facebook. I have since then seen her in Chicago. She even stayed with me in Austin once. We picked up right where we left off. Those friends are rare as we find out much later in life. We truly morphed into our high school selves and had an amazing time! Thank God for friends who are there forever! Thank God we don't live in the same state too. Love you Mary...you are forever one of my favorite friends!
Monday, April 1, 2013
Easter has changed for me this year. There was no taking kids to see the bunny and get an overpriced picture. They are too cool for that. Plus they know I'm the bunny. I have mixed emotions about that. I miss the days when they were excited to see the bunny. The days when we waited way too long to get a not so perfect picture. Normally it involved talking one off the ledge in the super ass long line, lots of bribing comes to mind. The positive thing is I finally get credit for being the bunny. Well kind of. Since we are in a rental lots of stuff is in storage. Easter baskets being many things I didn't think clearly on. I raced to get candy and a little gift yesterday. Since Hubs refused to track Easter baskets down in our over loaded storage I compromised. I got big gift bags. Since they know there is no such thing as a bunny it was not as much fun. I asked them each what their favorite candies were the day before. When I gave them their Easter gift bags. I did not get the reaction I dreamed of as a little girl. One said, "where's my basket"????? Then said "is this it"????? I blame myself for being that overachiever mom back in the day. The other one who happens to be a pleaser like me said..."Thank you mom, Can you put in the difference on what I want with this visa gift card???". Then there was the not so charming prince. I called him down at least ten times before he graced us with his presence. He opened his gift bag with no emotion. I told him I got his girlfriend a bag of candy with a small gift too. He gave me a head nod.
I just want to turn back the hands of time. The times where my kids were so excited to find not only Easter baskets but hunt eggs too. They used to be so cute and so thankful to the bunny who happened to be me. Then I think as long as I'm fantasizing about the good old days why not go back to me. I will never forget when the Easter bunny forgot my letter to him. I was so disappointed. We went to church and he came back for my letter. I remember being so excited. After that we went to my grandparents house. We hunted eggs with all the cousins. Those were the days for sure. Not a worry in the world. I would totally give hubs left nut to go back to those days. I used to love to spend those Easters with my grandparents.
Those were the days when my kids loved to hunt eggs too. Not so much anymore. Damn it for life flying by as the old people love to say. My kids had no interest in hunting eggs this year. It's sad that you don't know what you got till it's gone. So instead of watching my kids egg hunt, I turned to Facebook. I pulled up pictures of people I used to know kids hunting eggs. My sister's kid hunting eggs. My cousins kids hunting eggs. People I kind of know kids hunting eggs. Thinking damn my kids are jerks. Why can't they just want to hunt eggs to make me happy????
Then there was the whole egg coloring thing. We have colored eggs for the last 15 years. This year no one wanted to color eggs. Really??? Torn in my side. I love to color eggs. Why don't these people I live with anymore??? We always had fun. Every year we made the ugly egg. The egg you let soak in every color. I love to take pictures. This is the first year I have no pictures of hunts, coloring, or baskets.....woe is me! What I'm forgetting while feeling sorry for myself is the big picture. Easter is about Jesus! I thank God that I had so many great Easters as a kid and as an adult. I got to hang out with the most important people in my life. I have great memories of that time. I got to experience it all because of what Jesus did for us. Someday I will have a Granddaughter and we will color pink eggs!