Sunday, December 15, 2013

Questions????

Do you ever just question every thing in your life???? Scared about everything. Did you do right by your kids? Are you raising them right? When they are little it's easy. Even if you feel like a crazy zombie. But they are safe. You just have to get through the day keeping them alive and feed them. But then they turn into teenagers. They try to grow up too fast. This parenting thing is hard. So I used to lay in my bed as a young lady imagining myself married with perfect kids. I couldn't have never imagined all the hard stuff that came along with that. I should have been imagining my self as "LuLu", the girl living down town in a loft with fabulous boots! I'm just kidding but it's a nice fantasy when my kids are making me want to scratch my eyes out.

So here are my crazy thoughts tonight. Island comes to mind. I kinda of wish I could freeze time. I would be the only one on this island for a while. Everyone else would be frozen. I would think…cause I over think. I need time to really think…re think if you will. On my island I think about my "Santa" days. My kids perfectly dressed sitting on Santa's lap! Oh my how I miss those days. How I think it's bullshit that those days have come and gone. I would work out on this island….because I'm not sure what happened. All I know is I can't get it under control even though I know what to do. My friends warned me that cheeseburgers really did hit your thighs…who knew??? I hate them for being right.  So I would pretty much get it back together on this island. I need about six months if the universe is listening……In a perfect world right???? How frickin great is my fantasy???? But we are in fact in reality.

So Xmas is a week away. I have not shopped…..my kids need nothing! I'm supposed to move in less than a week. I have packed nothing. Am I stressed, freaked out, overwhelmed???? Um yes! Sister wife comes to mind! Have I done laundry, got the kids school notes taken care of, checked sky word, cleaned behind them, gone to an Xmas party, taken them to see lights, Feed them, gotten them ready for school, cooked baked goods(I kind of suck at that), and did two photo shoots…. But I'm here trying to wrap my head around getting it together. OMG, too tired to proof read…story of my life…..it is what u get! So sorry! And yes I feel pressure and I'm overwhelmed…send help fast! I'm not afraid to ask for it!

P.S. Taye Diggs might be on my island!



Saturday, December 7, 2013

It's the most wonderful time of the year????? Really?????

 It's the most wonderful time of the year is what I've been trying to sing in my head…..But "Bullshit" usually follows it! It really is if your a kid brainwashed by the fantasy of a jolly old fat guy in red suit coming down your chimney to drop off gifts. Oh my how life was such a fantasy in those days. I think my favorite year was when Santa brought me the barbie dream house! Who knew your parents were just lying to you. Everything is downhill after you find out the jolly old red suit guy is BS! You get a little joy again after you have kids and get to live the fantasy through them. But now my fantasy is over and it's become BS! Are you saying…."Baah, humbug"???? I do sound like a bit of a downer about now. But I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. I guess it's because I can't set up for Christmas since I'm moving three days before Christmas. Maybe it's because my kids no longer believe in Santa. They have sucked the fun right out of the holiday. The fact that they on line shop for shit they should not know exists is a thorn in my side. Maybe it's because I'm jealous of all the "elf" fun my friends with younger kids are having. I'm sick of looking at Facebook pics of "elves" doing stupid shit. I want to comment "barf" on everyone. I'm kind of being a jerk. I would have had so much fun with a naughty elf. Now mine would be at the bottom of beer bottle. That damn shit came out after my kids were "elf" age. I'm not angry! The only thing I'm angry about is that I didn't come up with this brilliant elf shit! I would be shitting elf money if that were the case!

So I find myself driving home from work mad that I'm the only house without lights or decorations. Last year after Xmas I bought everything up on clearance for this Xmas. Because I was supposed to be pretty settled in our/my dream house. But that's a whole other bitch fest! All that shit is in boxes. Baah, humbug". I feel like the Grinch. Imagining taking everyone's lights down, stealing their trees, stockings, and telling their kids there is no fat ass jolly guy. I just took this too far! I am kidding in a way. Something happened this week that brought me right back down to reality. A close friend of mine is going through something way bigger than my baah, humbug, bad attitude. And now I'm felling guilty for being such an asshole. It reminds me that my problems are nothing compared to what's going on in other people's homes. So my hat is off to this family and my prayers are for them today.

So here is my new plan. I'm thankful for the fact that I'm getting a dream home and have a healthy family. Even if they make me want to scratch my eyeballs out a lot. I will look forward to the day I have grandchildren and can live through their fantasy of Christmas. I will be the annoying Grandparent fighting the other Grandparents for time with the kids. I will insist on staying over Xmas night to do Santa. My daughter in laws are going to hate me.  I will also look forward to seeing my kids deal with their own kids, insert evil laugh! At that time they will understand all my love and frustrations! I will also move into our/my dream home and set up Christmas before I unpack anything. It will look like Christmas exploded in that place. I will keep that shit up for as long as I please too. And I will enjoy the shit out of it! I'm saying sorry right now to my neighbors who will see lights and Xmas trees till FebuKerry! I might even get me one of those most annoying elves and make it do naughty things at night for my pleasure. And yes I will elf ourselves on that funny dancing elf site. To all you peeps with young ones out there….enjoy Xmas when your kids are young….this shit goes way too fast! When it's over it's not that fun anymore. I would totally give Hubs left nut for a kid that believed right now!


On a brighter note! I had no idea if you dipped a cotton ball in water it would stick! My wheels are turning and I have a certain "One upper" in mind about now!!!! Doing this to a certain someone might just bring back my Xmas joy!!!

Sunday, December 1, 2013

BUSTED

So needless to say my last blog post was about everything I'm thankful for. It was Thanksgiving…..I was feeling the "Thankfulness". Now that I'm at the end of week of my kids being home….not so much! So as much so I have a hate list I'm about to make of my top ten not so favorite things about my kids being home for a week.

1….I work now…a real job for the first time in a while. I'm not thankful for the state of my home when I got home from work this week! It's like a bomb went off or a tornado hit. You would think they were homeless staving people. My God I think they have eating contest while I work.

2…I'm not thankful for kids on line shopping for the Xmas list! Us parents in this generation got the shaft! They get on line and see things they would never know existed if it wasn't for "Google". I imagine myself crashing the whole "google" site at times! Then there is Facebook, instagram, snap chat, and Vine. For kids this age it's like a "Hey look at me and look what I got" thing! Everybody knows what everyone is doing and what everyone is getting. Even people they don't really know. Even celebrities. It puts a new meaning on the famous kid saying…"Well so and so got this". Now it's more like "OMG, this person is in Disney, this one is skiing, this one is downtown, this one got a dirt bike, this one is hunting, this one got new shoes, and so on and so on and so on and so on and Soooooooooo on! Then they say why aren't we in Disney, skiing, hunting, or why aren't you buying me all this shit all the other parents are????????Makes my want to run screaming from my house NAKED! HaHa checking if your reading this…..I would never run naked from my house! I would run/walk fast but never naked!

3…The fighting……and the fighting….and the fighting! Everyone in my house is an expert on what the others should be doing or what they are not doing right! Need I say more!

4….The sleepovers! Do we really need a sleep over every night! Kids are like un human. They remind me of vampires. Not that hot one either! They can stay up all night with tons of energy and loud voices!

5…The fact that they are starving at midnight! They come in the kitchen like they have never seen food in their lives. Cooking, opening the fridge, and the pantry. The sound of wrappers and the microwave sends chills up my spine! Oh yes, my mom says I will miss this someday! Not thinking she is right~

6….Needing rides. "I need a ride to Belterra, I need a ride to the mall, I need a ride to jump wild, I need a ride to my friends, My friend needs a ride here"!!!!!! I should be paid for all the driving I do…just saying! "Jump Wild…….thorn in my side! Love the owners but have thought about burning that place down a few times! I think I've made a car payment to that place a few times! What happened to street hockey????

7….My TV and computer are held hostage for a week. Now I love both those things and I have never learned to share! Making deals to get on my TV and my computer kind of sucks!

8…The fact that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I have night owls! Crazy night owls. I look forward to my down time at night when everyone is asleep. No one sleeps in this house! They out last me. No time to relax at all this week.

9…..Duck Dynasty. Now I love me some good reality TV. But my God you can only watch so many episodes of the same show before you want the be in that beaver house they blow up on that show!

10…..I think this one is most parents all time thorn in the side! How many times can you stand them saying…"I'm bored, what are we doing today". "Bored, really?????? You have TVs in your room, bikes, friends over, Xbox, iPhones…..need I say more". What's boring is going on a road trip in the 70's counting how many out of state licence plates you can find! This generation wouldn't last two minutes in the 70's!

Ok I got that off my chest! I feel like I lifted ten pounds off. Wouldn't it be great if bitching was a calorie burner. I might be anorexic.

So now to my busted story. I was driving my kids around. Your shocked right??? My sister called. I was just so thankful for her in my last post but was also bitching that she never picks up her phone or calls! Well she called at the most awful time! She's a crazy health nut. Always bitching at me about poisoning my kids with bad food decisions. GMO's , fast food, sugar, and so on! Let me defend myself a bit. Her generation was more informed about this stuff. I'm a creature of habit….bad ones…plus I'm an ignorance is bliss gal! So I happen to be in MC Donald's drive through when she calls. I tell her to hold while I quietly try to order two extra large sodas and a double cheese burger. I get by with that. Then I pull up to the window. The guy handing me my super sized soda says…."You again" and laughs. I reply.."busted". She can hear what's going on. She is like "what are you busted for"??? I say "we are at McDonald's".  I say.."The guy knows us". She is like…"Are you kidding me, that is so ridiculous". I say "We are from a small town, everyone knows everyone". She is like.."OMG, Kerry, you are poisoning your kids, when are you going to stop???". I'm like.."damn the sodas are only a dollar for the giant ones, and we are from a small town". She is like…"that's pathetic".

So I was telling my mom…aka…Debbie Downer the story. What does Debbie say??????? "Ya know that big wig from MC Donald's who ate that since he was 14 died of colon cancer". Waaaa, waaa, waaa!!!!!

Saturday, November 30, 2013

What I am Thankful for........

What I am thankful for........This picture says it all! What we forget when we are complaining about the annoying things happening to us all day.....Lots of people are fighting to survive. I fight to survive everyday but not like a lot of others who are truly fighting to survive. My hat is off to anyone fighting for this!

I am Thankful for so many things. I'm Thankful for my family even if sometimes I imagine a totally different life for myself. I have always been an imaginary type of person. Even when I was a kid. Sometimes I'd imagine myself as Brady. Who didn't want to have those perfect pig tails like Cindy. I imagined myself with the huge catholic family that so many of my friends had. Big brothers, big sisters, sounded grand. Now that I am older I'm thankful for my family. The Brady bunch kids were all messed up! Who knew! Just read their biographies now. I still would kill for an Alice. Just saying.....

I am Thankful for my kids. I never imagined myself with three boys! EVER! As a young adult I imagined myself married to any 80's star. Mostly someone from the brat pack. Rob Lowe comes to mind. I imagined myself with girls. I'm a girly girl. Always have been. I love pink, lipgloss, bows, girly clothes, pink everything, and oh yes, lots of pink anything. God had a different plan for me. It has involved lots of blue and lots of sports. Like every weekend! Who knew I would be thankful for sports and actually understand them! Love these boys!

I am thankful for my health, even if it has given me a run for the money at times. Health is something you never really think about until yours does you wrong. I got diagnosed with MS when I was 36. I never really worried about my health before then. It took me many years to come to terms with this. Then one day I thought...."Ya know, It's not a death sentence, and a lot of people deal with that". It could be worst. So I'm thankful it is not worst! Plus I ignore it!

I'm thankful for a really good husband. To find someone who really loves you..the good, bad, and the evil is something to be thankful for. Plus the ugly person that wakes up not made up and maybe crabby. And I can be evil...so can he though! We have not had a perfect ride by any means. Many times I think we both think the grass is greener on the other side. But we are "all in" as Dripping would say......Thank you Chris Payne for starting that sayin! But in the long run we have each others back and put up with each others shit. Do I imagine myself with someone else...like Taye Diggs....um yes sometimes! But I have told Michael if I whisper Taye just ignore it! It's my evil twin! My God we are married not dead! He can whisper Jennifer Aniston to me any day!

I'm Thankful for my parents. I really think they are awesome. I wouldn't trade them for say Mike and Carol.....even if I might of as a teen! We have a great relationship now. Not so great as a teen. I guess most people aren't super crazy about their parents as teen. I kind of thought mine were clueless! I get it now that I have my own teen. Totally paying for my raising! Dad......aka...Grumps should get a good laugh!

I'm Thankful for my siblings. My God they were a torn in my side when they came along. I was too old to get siblings. I was so used to be the only one when they came. That may be why I'm such an attention whore. A therapist would have a field day with me. They screwed me up for awhile. But now my sister is my best friend. I could never imagine not having her. Even if I could tell you the most awful stories about growing up with her. I could tell you lots of good ones too. But now she's my go to  girl even if she hates to pick up her phone! She finally gave me that girl I always wanted. I have the best niece ever. So thankful for Ella! My Dad always says she is just like me! God help her. My brother when he came was like my baby. He was such a cute kid. I'm so thankful for him. I just want him to find happiness. I think he has a great heart and needs a good women. He has lived with me a few times. I have had a lot of fun with him. I want only the best for him.

I'm thankful for all my extended family. I have the best Aunts, uncles, cousins, mother in law, sister and brother in laws in the world. Really, I do! I enjoy all of them. I have great times with all of them. I can not complain about any of them. I love spending time with all of them. I could go into great detail about each and everyone one of them...but we would be here forever!

I'm thankful for my Grandparents. One I never got to meet but I hear he was great. I'm sad a lot that I never got to meet him. I think he might have liked me. I bet I would have liked him too. My moms mom was great. She should have been around a lot more but God took her too soon. I have great memories of her...I wish the others did. She died when a lot of my cousins and sibling were young. My Dads dad was great too. He was a funny guy..I think I got my my dry sense of humor from him. But the one person I really connected with was my dads mom. She died on Thanksgiving three years ago. It makes Thanksgiving hard. But if I look at the glass half full. I'm Thankful for her. More Thankful than anyone realizes. I was the oldest grandchild. I got her the longest, plus she got to see all of my kids. My God she thought they were the greatest things ever. She was my perfect person. To this day the hardest thing I have ever done was to say to goodbye to her.

I'm thankful for my friends. And oh my God the older you get the more informed you get about friends. Family is forever and friends come and go. Oh how painful it is to realize this. As a kid you never get that. Now don't get me wrong I have some great friends. A few I have traveled with a long ways. A few that I have made in later years. I have lived and learned. I was naive in my younger years. Thinking that my friends were the best things ever. I've been burned a few times. I have probably burned a few on the way. But I can honestly say I never meant to. But truthfully I have some really core friends! I'm super thankful for that.  I'm probably blessed because I have a lot of good girlfriends and I'm picky.

I'm Thankful for a lot!

What I'm not thankful now......LOL

BOTOX....did a man invent this??????? I would be ok if not for this!!! Damn man!
Fighting...I hate when my kids fight.
Laundry...Hello sister wife...where are you???
Pain...I hate that people feel pain....in any sense, I want everyone to be happy!
Diets..come on can't we all be fat and happy!



Monday, November 25, 2013

We need a sex ed teacher in this house.

So we are still having a good laugh over here. Laughing about Cole thinking a tampon is a pregnancy test. Tonight we went to a fab dinner party. Thankful for the great friends we have here. When we got home we were all around the table chatting. Blake...aka...the not so charming prince was gracing us with his presence. So I start to tell him the story about Cole thinking a tampon is a pregnancy test. We laugh a lot! We are pretty bad about laughing at each others short comings in this house. Cole tries to say he really knew and was messing with me. He's totally lying. So Blake says "do you know what a tampon is now?????". Cole says..."Yes, it's when a girl pees out blood". Blaaaa, haaaaa. haaa! Close but no cigar! Like I said I'm thankful for this naive boy.

I don't even know how but the topic of circumcision comes up. So Blake says..."Cole, do you know what that is??". He makes this face like he is stupid for asking and says..."Of course I do". Blake says..."Well what is it". He calmly says.."It's when a man gets his penis enlarged". I almost choke and say..."Where did you hear that?". He says..."I saw it on a movie". "Well hot shot, your wrong once again". He looks at me like I have three heads and says..."I'm right". Blake pipes in as he's laughing and says..."Your so wrong". So I start a conversation I didn't see coming on the extra skin that is cut off on a penis. Cole listens and says..."Did you get rid of my extra skin?". I say.."Yes, it's done when your a baby". He asks a really good question. He says..."Who decided we didn't need that skin and that it needs to be cut off???".  I pee a bit and say..."Ya know, I have no idea, but I bet it was a women".

Sunday, November 24, 2013

The birds and the bees in this house needs some work.

So I'm working again! I'm a good worker. I have always done well at any job I have had. I guess I have my parents to thank for that..I guess after raising three boys I can do anything. I'm kind of enjoying it. Don't tell hubs though! I'm playing the "I hate working" card a bit. But shit going to work on a Saturday just sucks! Unless your boss brings really smooth tequila to work. I kind of need to be comfortably numb lately. Yep I may have landed my dream job! So I worked today. Kids stayed home alone. Did I come home to a tornado???? Um.....yes! Hello I kind of want a sister wife about now! Those morans/mormons are on to something! (spelling?) I have no idea If I spelled either right!

I stopped at my dream home I'm building on the way home. I can't really even put into words what this is like to build this dream home. First of all let me say I'm blessed being able to build this. I do realize some people never get to do this. But cluster fuck comes to mind. Maybe two years ago when the Austin housing market was in a slump I would have had better luck. But this has caused me many tears and lots of shit fits! Just ask Hubs! I'm starting to understand two year olds! Hubs and I have had probably are biggest fights in 18 years of marriage over this dream house. Well one of our biggest, I would never blog about the big one. I do have a filter. There is that saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Well I must be strong as shit after this!  It has not been a smooth ride for sure. Maybe it's a test for us. But since we are still raising three kids together we need to stay together. Thank God for those kids...otherwise I would be living downtown in great loft wearing fab boots! This house has been one step forward two steps back all the way. The end result is always better than expected though. If I actually went through all that has gone wrong I would be here forever! You would be bored for sure. My biggest concern right now is they stoned over something I need to start the outside fireplace. They also walled in some pretty important electric stuff, the septic system was designed to shoot shit in our pool, and yes the plans showed a pool.......no one wants to fix or take blame for it either,  didn't cut the granite on the tub right, put the wrong windows in, Forgot some key stuff with cabinets, put the wrong tile in, and haven't finished a bunch of stuff that should be done. Am I complaining??? Yes, a little for sure. Since I was supposed to be living there three months ago. Are they building a perfect house???? Yes, I love everything about it. I even love the paint colors which I stressed about for months!

My builder as much as I bitch has done a fantastic job. If only I was in it when I supposed to be he might be perfect. He may actually hate me now even if he enjoyed my charm at first. That being said..."good things take time" has a new meaning! I have given up two Halloweens, two thanksgivings, and I hope I'm not giving up two Christmas's being in a rental. Most of our stuff is in storage. When you get to a certain age giving up these things is not in your favor. I'm on the last of my years with my kids in my house. I want to enjoy them. Plus last year I bought everything up after Xmas because I just knew I would be in the Christmas walk in Dripping this year! Well that is not going to happen......boo whoooo! It makes me mad that I'm bitching in a way. I'm damn lucky to be building this perfect home. But my years are numbered with these people I live with. They will hopefully fly the coop soon. Just did a little happy dance.  Now if only I raised perfect people.....Not so much...they all could use a good therapist! But so could I. Hello padded cell our name is Cavender...can we please get a group rate?????

So tonight was Saturday night. Should I have something better to do than drive kids back and forth to jump wild. Um, yes! In my fantasy world I would be in my loft with really expensive boots and a hot boyfriend. When I picked them up..Cole and Aidan were fighting. Shocking right????? Blood pressure on the rise! Cole says to Aidan  "take your tampon out, your acting like a girl". I chime in...I ask.."Cole, do you even know what a tampon is?". He says..."Yes, mom I know what a tampon is". I say.."Well what is it?". He says..."it's that thing you girls put in your privates to find out if your pregnant". My blood pressure comes down a bit...because I'm laughing to the point where I'm peeing because giving birth to three kids killed any badder control. Wish I took kegals more serious! I say..."um hot shot, your so frickin wrong". He says.."No, I'm not". I say.."There is a stick you pee on to find out if your pregnant, if your using a tampon you are so not pregnant". He says.."mom your wrong". I say.."I know you don't look at me as girl, but I am one, and you do not put tampons in your womanly parts to see if your pregnant". "You pee on a stick". "Tampons are for when your not PG, and you need to talk to Dad about all this". "Thank God you are clueless, makes me feel a little happy, since your older brother is a pro". Thanking God for one person in this house being naive.....which they should be at this age.....Let me tell you I wrote this post tired. So there are probably mistakes or bad grammar. Too tired to proof read. So be kind!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Pig Pen has a girlfriend

It's been a busy few months for sure. Two playing football, one playing baseball, I started a job, and we are STILL building my/our dream house. Yes, it's been over a year now!!!!!!!! I have refrained from blogging during this time. No body wants to hear me cuss like a sailor. Especially my Dad...aka...Grumps! So we are about three months into the school year. It's had its up and downs for sure. Car rides with these people make me feel like my ears are bleeding sometimes. If you live in the area you have probably seen me swerving down 290 at least ten times a day. I'm usually yelling, crying, or laughing depending on the day. My Mom...aka Debbie tells me I will miss these days someday. I would love to say she is wrong but she probably is right. My children seem to think that being in my car gives them a fast pass to any fast food restaurant in the area. They are always STARVING when in the car. Even if they just ate or are about to eat. They can be such drama queens. They also think as soon as they get in the car they can play their music. Because they own the car right??? Guess what no one wants the same music on in the car. It's like they get in the car and grow red horns and tails with that diamond thing on the end. They try to parent each other and insult each other over everything. They are most annoying. Hard to imagine that I will miss this someday! If you ever see me running on 290 you will know they finally broke me. This will mean I have parked the car and gave up! Send help!!!! They sound like a bunch of assholes don't they???? Well they can be in the car!

Lately we have been arguing about "Their" money. They think that because they have some they should be able to waste in on anything they please. I try to tell them I have money too. I can't just spend it on anything I please. Cole...aka....Big Drama says..."You buy what ever you want at HEB". I laugh and say..."HEB, is the grocery store, I have to buy that crap to keep you alive, it doesn't count". Aidan...aka...Pig Pen chimes in that I get to buy boots. I say...."I work you shit bird, and when you do you can buy boots". I say "if it were up to me I would have way more boots and much more expensive boots but y'all bleed my boot fund dry with your sports". They keep arguing their point. Coming up with ridiculous things I spend money on. I finally say "Ya know what, I'd really like to have this annoying fat sucked out of my chin, but I can't.....even if I have the money to do it because you just can't spend money on whatever you please". Unless you shit it!!!!!! They look at me like I have three heads and dangling eyeballs! And then they start to argue that it's their money. Can't wait till they have their own children.

So Pig Pen has his first girlfriend. They text non stop. I have a good time checking his text. Because they are ridiculous. She loves to send him pics of everything she is doing. Their text are pretty funny and a little dramatic. So last night I was checking his phone after he was asleep. I seriously was laughing out loud!!!! They use those Emoji's after every text. Tons of hearts and smiley faces doing all kinds of crazy things! Every text starts with a "HeHe or HaHa". It also ends with a "HeHe or HaHa". Then lots and lots of emoji's. So it's usually something like..."Hehe....watch ya doing? HaHa...hearts, flowers, and smileys. But last night they had a breakup. I hate that I was laughing but damn it was entertaining. Almost as entertaining as "the girls of drip" can get. So I have to share.

GF.....We're breaking up. For sure this time......
Pig Pen....Why???? Followed by tons of crying smiley people.
GF....I heard you are just dating me cause I'm so popular....Followed by a crying smiley.
Pig Pen....What are you talking about???? Followed by a crying smiley and then a sad face one.
GF...So and So told me that.....Followed by a thumbs down emoji
Pig Pen....WHAT??????? No emoji to follow, no hehe or haha either! (this is serious)
GF...... 1.U never talk to me!!!!
            2.I hear things you say!!!!!
            3. You talk about the most retarded stuff!!!!
            4...I don't want to date you, you are weird!!!
            5..Sorry, it's just how it is..
NO EMOJI
Pig Pen.....But I love you....Followed my so many heart EMOJI's It was ridiculous.
GF....I'm sorry it's over....Not a hehe, haha, heart or smiley.
Pig Pen.....One more chance PLEASE...(I didn't teach him to be so desperate)
GF.....Nothing.....Crickets.....
Some time goes by.
Pig Pen....I will do anything.....(I wish he would have consulted me before sending that)
GF....What would you do?????
Pig Pen...ANYTHING...(WHERE WAS A GUY LIKE THIS WHEN I WAS YOUNG?)
GF....LIKE????
Pig Pen...ANYTHING, I mean it!!!!!!
GF....Fine but this is your last chance with me.
Pig Pen....so many heart and smiley emoji's it's embarrassing.
GF....1...last time I mean it.
          2...you better do something nice for me.
          3..you better talk to me.
Pig Pen..OK with a winking smiley.

OMG, I was rolling. So dramatic and ridiculous. To be a kid in this day and age! He gets his first taste of how high maintenance us girls can be!!!!!!

I have to end with a funny car story.....Cole...aka Big Drama and I were driving to school. We were going over his science stuff. He was having a test that day. It was about the reproductive system. There was a question about lady parts. His response was "ladies have overalls". Yep if you saw me that day my car may have swerved but I was laughing! Maybe I will miss this someday....in a far, far, away land....wearing very expensive boots....and having no chin fat!!!!!!



Sunday, October 27, 2013

Random thoughts by Kerry

I haven't had a lot of time to think lately. It's frickin football season for Gods sake. Remember I live in Texas this shit is like a cult. Early mornings, late afternoons, games......car frickin rides to fuck its far ville places! We have been in this football stuff since school let out in June! But it's about to come to a halt in about two weeks! Thank you Jesus this gerbil is about to get off that wheel. . So this blog has been the last thing on my mind....it's too bad I don't have a sister wife because there has been so much good blog material....but it's all gone now! It got sucked up on those awful car rides to practices and games with these people I live with! Those car rides just kill my brain cells I'm afraid! I can't remember shit.......I even look for shit that's in my hand....for Gods sake! I'm only hoping that this driving three kids playing sports and going to three different schools gets me a fast pass to heaven.....when I'm 100! God knows I'm going to need it since some UN flattering stuff as flown out of my mouth during this time!

Anyway...I was thinking some random thoughts....I can't really remember after writing that last paragraph. Oh yes....I was Face booking tonight. I came across a great article. It was about if the person only knew certain things in her younger years.....would her life be different! It got me thinking random thoughts! Like for one....Do you ever think your supposed to be something your not???? Well I think that all the time! I'm a legend in my mind in a way. I'm supposed to be Katy Perry...really. I would be such a good Katy. I'm a total firework.....especially when my kids aren't doing what they are supposed to. OMG, last Friday who knows what happened....I mean really...I need to write this shit into songs like her. Hot and cold....please is anyone else going through the change??? Then the is hear me roar....just ask my neighbors about this one, or my kids! I can roar. I would make a great Katy! Plus to have sex with John Mayer singing "your body is a wonderland" in my ear.....yep never thought about that! Always wanted to be a rock star....first, but my dreams were squashed when I couldn't sing worth a shit! Woe is me..damn universe for not listening to my dream!

But really the article said if you knew certain things in your younger years would your life be different? I think for most part anyone out there the answer would be.......absolutely. I mean really can you imagine the possibilities if you knew what you know now in your younger years......You would know a lot of shit! A lot of bullshit that happened to you, you would handle like a rock star! You could be a step ahead on everything. So I sit here thinking random thoughts...I might be able to write a movie if I put effort into this. Like I said...I'm a legend in my own head! So the first thought that comes to mind is.......The first guy that broke my heart. Instead of acting like a crazy school girl with no self esteem, jumping on his car as he left me....OMG I would never do that now! ....I would have told him to fuck right off, because in the big picture he only fucked up every relationship that followed...but he meant nothing, I would say...don't let the door hit ya in the ass....because I know there is something better out there for me.  But in my day I cried carried on and thought the world ended!  How many of y'all wouldn't pay money to have a do over on that first heartbreak?????  I might just have more than one do over in this department. Then there are friends....you never really get that saying.....Friends come and go and family is forever. When your young you test this theory. You can't believe it at all. You might trade your family for these friends at times. But ya get older and learn a painful lesson. Now most of us are lucky to have found a few friends that really do have our back. But I have learned in this life that there are those that act like they are friends but they are really not. They frickin talk a lot of shit behind your back! I do have a few friends that I can really count on one hand that I trust....My sis being number one...who would have thought!  I have been really burned by a few.....still in my later years wondering why they did me wrong. I started out super naive....So my random thought is.....how many friends that came across your path would you still have????

How many of ya out there would have not slept with someone you slept with???? Oh I can think of one! Or better yet....how many of you would HAVE slept with someone you didn't???? Oh I can definitely think of one or two.....jeez! My mind just went in the gutter....literally....

I could go on forever about what I would do if I knew then what I know now! But I went right to boys...LOL The part about brains and learning shit is not interesting but I would do that over too!!!!! So these are my random thoughts...annoying right!!!!


Friday, October 18, 2013

Pranking is good for the soul

 So anyone who is a regular reader knows for a while I was in a pranking war with my former neighbor. She kind of out did me.....I hate to lose! So a few weeks ago I got this call. It was my friend freaking out. There was a snake in her sons room.....a giant live snake. She cried on the phone with me telling me the story. As much as I felt her pain a light bulb was going off the whole time. Evil laugh! I kept thinking this is it! My time to shine. My time to get her back for outdoing my last prank. Now my last prank had to do with a scary show "The River" that I think only her and I were watching. Since it got cancelled the first season. I hung dolls in her tree...like four....I thought I was great! Until she hung like 500 in my trees. Not to mention put one under my bed with an alarm that went off at two am. Out did for sure! Then I tried to put a fake deer in her yard after she told me she was afraid of them. It broke into pieces since we had a wind storm before she saw it....epic...fail. But this time is my time to shine!!!!!! I like to shine if ya know me at all. So when her blood curdled over this snake....my eyes lit up! And then the wheels started turning...... and turning and turning! Visions of snakes all over her house was in my head! A lot! So for weeks I plotted! And collected A LOT of snakes!!!!!! I was so excited about it I almost peed my pants several times!!!!!! After collecting 30 something snakes....I was ready to go.

It couldn't have happened anymore perfect. I was at the football game Friday night. She text and says..."We are going to Dallas...can you let the dog out". I text right back..."Of course I can". I mean what are friends for right! I got super excited....visions of the snakes everywhere in her house made me smile! So Saturday I was at work.....Yes, I have a damn job now...woe is me! My friend Staci stopped in. She bought a bunch of snakes from the dollar store. We giggled about it. We were going to a costume party that night. We planned on stopping by to let her dog out and plant the snakes. So Staci came to the house that night. We went to Erin's house armed in snakes. We laughed our asses off putting snakes everywhere. In boots, purses, drawers, her bed, shower, and toilet. Then we headed to the party with a prank buzz! Now Erin was on her way back from Dallas at this point. I was waiting for the call!
 About two hours into the party I get a text.....It says..."We are no longer friends". I text back and say.."What I let LuLu out". She text..."Can't talk I'm wiping urine from the floor from when I held it the last 30 minutes of our trip and ran to the potty, didn't turn the lights and ripped my pants down and was just sitting down as I caught the sight of something glowing in my toilet!!!! Mind you I had already started peeing!!!!! Screaming bloody murder and the rest is history. I was running peeing when Zack comes in to save the day....And then he starts laughing.......Then my poor innocent daughter decides to shower ...we are medicating her now!!!!!!" I text back....evil laughing..."What the heck are you talking about????". She text back..."Kerry, own it claim it be proud you just earned major street credit".
So the next night we went over there for dinner....yes, I still got an invite! When I get there I see most of the snakes in her sink. A few more text had gone back and forth about snake findings since then. So I walked in kind of gloating over my one up ya prank. We laughed about it. We were all sitting out in her back yard when I went to the bathroom. I grabbed some of the snakes from the sink. I walked out casually trying to hold it together with those snakes in my pants. I sat down behind her and started putting those snakes under her chair. Trying to seriously hold back belly laughing. Then I waited for the reaction.........It was better than I thought! She jumped and screamed as if that Halloween Jason guy was after her! Earlier in the night she showed my a purse in a box she got for her up coming Bday! Said she was not opening it again till her bday. Lights went off again. I put a snake in the box. So I got a text a day later about the snake in her bday box.....I text back.."That's what you get...it's not your bday yet and you found that snake!

Anyway...when I left that night she said..."I'm getting you back so bad I had to clear the prank with your husband". She shouldn't have warned me...I'm on the look out now....It better be good! Plus if it's too bad and Hubs knows about I may just have a get out of jail free card for life! Bring it Erin....I'm always going to be one step ahead! Plus real snakes don't scare me...Don't think if she gets me good I won't plant a real friendly one in her bed! Food for thought!

Monday, October 7, 2013

25 years out of HS.....holy shit!

So this weekend was my 10 I mean 25 year high school reunion. Oh my, how time flies! I feel like it's ten. I didn't go:( Too much going on in my kids world which I happen to live in. In fact I have not made one reunion yet. My ten year I had just given birth to the not so charming prince.....who happened to be really charming at that time. But truth be told I was fat at my ten year.....who the hell wants to go to a ten year reunion fat???? I gained 70 pounds with that prince. My twenty year I think I was busy....can't remember.....I think I was skinny again though. So I'm kind of sorry I didn't put myself first this time and go. OMG, the thought of being away from these people for a weekend is bliss.

So I watched all the post and the pics from the 25 year. Looked really fun. I regretted not going right away. Here's the thing though. I moved while in high school. So most of the people in high school had ties before I got there. The kind of ties I had with people I had gone to school with since kinder. I had friends....but it was different. Don't get me wrong I made some really good friends in high school. I don't think anyone should move in high school if they don't have to though. When I started there I was not the cool new girl everyone wanted to meet. I looked like I should have been in the 8th grade even though I was a sophomore. I was all of 90 pounds. No curves no nothing if you get what I'm throwing down. I learned quick that if I was funny people would like me. I eventually made friends. But remember I was there for two and a half short years. I never really dated anyone from my high school.....except John Wesloski. I feel down the stairs while holding his hand once! Epic fail...it was over shortly after that!

So I have been thinking a lot about the last 25 years. Ya know, what I've done, learned, and experienced. Now some people love when I get my thinking cap on in this blog. Others love to make fun of me and judge me. It is what it is though. To all you haters out there...I don't care....well maybe a little....I kind of hate when people don't like me. I'm working on that though!

So as much as I hate list here it goes!!!!!

1....I moved out of state to get away from a bad break up....young and dumb. I would never be so crazy now. What was I thinking???????? I mean really!!! At the time I was thinking I was going to make a huge a statement to the guy who did me wrong. Not thinking about how it would effect anyone else. My parents hated it! My plan was to go for a while and not stay forever. But then I met hubs.....a few months later. 17 years of marriage and three boys later I'm still gone. It's not been an easy road. There are times I would give his left nut to go back home. But I've made the best of it for the most part. I really like where we live now....most of the time. Even if this town is small and keeps getting smaller when your kids enter HS!

2...I have learned that family is forever and friends come and go. Now when I was in HS I thought friends were forever. I'm now trying to school my high school kid on this.  I liked my friends  way more than my family in high school. Young and dumb for sure. What you learn along the way is your family is stuck with you.  And even if your from a family like mine. You talk shit about each other but you always have each others back in the end. If I was shitting 100's out my ass I would live half and half. Half my time in Chicago and half my time here. Damn it that "ask the universe" shit doesn't work.


3....I have learned that while I was in bed as a kid imagining my perfect husband and perfect kids.......That's a frickin fairy tail. Nothing in life is perfect. As much as I try to tell myself I'm perfect...I'm not. Nor is my family, my marriage,  or anything.....woe is me! It's hard to come to terms with this. What do I think of as perfect???? Lots of things. Being able to be the perfect daughter, perfect wife, mother, and friend. I'm a work in progress....for sure! God help me.

4....I have had money and not had money. Is there a difference???? Um hell yes! It's much easier to have money. Don't let those people tell you different! People that say money doesn't buy happiness are just trying to make themselves feel better. Money buys great boots and boots make me smile big!

5....I have worked and stayed home...best of both worlds???? Not so much! When I worked I was happier. Now when I worked I always bitched about those stay at home moms...Jealous for sure. Then I became one! Overrated for me comes to mind. Too much time to think. I know there are those Moms who love it.....they make me feel bad for sure!  Staying home can actually drive you nuts. Just ask my therapist....oh wait I need one. No time with adult interaction except to put out is for the birds! My God...for a while I stood in the driveway waiting for neighbors to come home!!! So I could talk to an adult!

6.....I birthed three boys.......always wanted girls but wouldn't change a thing now. Ask me this same question when I have no one to hang with in my later years.

7.....I learned I love writing and photography. I wish I knew this when I was in school. I would probably be better at both!

8....I learned beer is good, people are crazy, and God is great! Thank you Billy.....for making that clear! I totally could have wrote that song.

9.....I learned that my Grandma was the one person I would miss the most in life. I hate that she is gone. I miss her every day. I wish I would be able to tell her how much I miss her! I hate that her house is being renovated for another family to move into! This was my place! My memories. My safe place..Alrighty now I sound like a crazy loon!

10...OMG, I'm only on ten....don't know if I can hit 25! So ten is I've been slightly over weight and almost too skinny in my time! I like slightly too skinny.

11...I finally get that a man just sees a naked girl. He is not looking at a dimple, or a fat pocket, he just sees naked....So we all need to stop stressing about it. I would much rather be naked in front of a man than a women. Women would point out all the imperfections. It only took me 40 years to figure this out.  The nice thing about being a little fat...I have curves! Plus I look perfect naked....blaaaa haaa haaaa.....

12....I think everyone should have a dog or some kind of pet! They get you through the bad! I have the best dog in the world....Don't know what I would do without him.

13....I think everyone should have a best friend..the person you can tell anything to. The one who doesn't judge or tell other people. I have one thank God. It's my sister!  I don't know what I'd do without her! She is my go to person. I hope everyone had someone like her! Now in high school I would have bet the farm that these words never came out of my mouth. She was a huge pain in my ass when we were young! Plus she was the biggest snitch.

14.....I have lived in two places since High school. Dallas and Austin. Austin is my favorite. And I have owned five houses. I never imagined I would be building my dream house someday....feeling blessed!

15....If I could figure out a way to get paid to watch shit TV I would be a billionaire.

16.....I have been on several vacations. Skiing is my least favorite! Both times I peed my pants from laughing so hard. The beach is my favorite. I'm a lazy bitch.

17.....I finally get that mama knows best.....even if I have fought this truth for years! I find myself saying the same annoying in one ear out the other shit my parents used to say. I even annoy myself.

18....I have done more laundry and cleaning than I care to talk about! I'd like a polish wife!

19...I have spent the last 12 years watching my kids play sports almost every weekend. I'm like a gerbil in a wheel.

20....I have learned being a Mom is by far the hardest thing I ever done. My kids are all going to need therapy.

21....I have watched one of my children turn into a man in a blink! That's some scary shit.

22....I stay up too late and sleep too late......

23....I can't diet worth a shit....I have zero will power!

24...I find "Selfy" pictures super entertaining....

25....Thank God this list is over......The biggest thing I have learned is I wish my name was LuLu and I lived in an apartment downtown by myself.......Kidding....kind of! I have learned that when you become a Mom you finally understand what unconditional love is. Now my teenager test this theory all the time. He can be a total shit bird! I sometimes fantasize about him with shitty teenagers when he's a Dad! Makes me smile! Not proof reading....I'm a lazy bitch! Sorry for any mistakes!

Monday, September 23, 2013

It's finally looking like a house.

So we have been working on building our/my dream house for about a year now. It's been a long and painful process. Really...I"m not lying! Lots of fighting between hubs and I! He says.....Black....I say White!  Nothing has really gone smoothly. It's a damn test for sure. But damn now that it's painted it just makes me smile. All the fights and crap may have just been worth it. I always wanted a house like this. Last minute we changed the color scheme to a typical farm house black, white, and silver. I'm so glad we did. It just reminds me of a true southern home. When we started this they told us nine months. I thought it will be like being pregnant except I could drink. That would have put us in in about July! I was so excited to be in before the kids started school. Plus I was DYING to decorate it for Halloween and have one of my costume parties. It has taken me a while and few major breakdowns to come to terms that it was not going to happen that way! I'm hoping for a Thanksgiving dinner in here at this point. Turkey...anyone????

This will be the 5th house we live in. We built two before this. This one was different though. We designed it and got to work with an amazing architect. I found a southern living design I liked. I changed the room sizes and added some things that are important to me. There is not one thing I would change on this house. I can't wait for family time here and family and friends to come visit. This house is bitter sweet for me. It will be the last house we build as a family. In this home it will be the final chapter in my life for raising my kids at home. Wow, when I wrote that I got a little scared and a little teary. Can't ya just hear that song..."This is it, make no mistakes where you are". Hello Kenny Rodgers! Should have never got that eye surgery!

When looking for the perfect floor plan I thought about our last house. I told the architect every thing I loved and hated about the last house. Spaces that were too big, rooms we never used, spaces that were not big enough, and our shower could have never fit us when we got fat and happy in the later years!  She listened and hit it spot on. Our last house was beautiful. I actually loved that house. I miss a few of my neighbors too. But the ones we connected with will be in our lives no matter where we live. I never thought I would own a home as nice as our last one. But it was a totally different home style. It looked a bit French Country from the outside. It was a little Tuscan on the inside. A lot of first in there. When we first moved there I came kicking and screaming. It would be the first time we lived somewhere with no family and didn't know a soul. It was scary. Plus no free family babysitters!  I'm so glad we ended up in Drip though. Such a great community.....most of the time. Sometimes it's a little too small. You definitely can't beep at anyone when their driving is pissing you off! I learned that fast.

We quickly made friends with people having three young boys. I have met some really great people here.....salt of the earth kind. My oldest became a man in that house. His voice still stops me in my tracks sometimes. My youngest started kindergarten in that house. How sad it is that time flies. My middle one entertained the hell out of me in that house. He still cracks my ass up. I can't wait to see him in his later years! So many great memories. My God our first year I think we had friends and family come almost every weekend. I loved every minute of it too. The worst memory of my last house was our next door neighbor. He made it miserable at times. I could write a book or a blog about the hell he put us through. I'm hoping in this next house we won't have a neighbor that steals kids balls, calls the police all the time, tells our houseguest and neighbors how awful we are and stands on his patio yelling..."Neighbor is an asshole in deep drunk German accent! Life will be good without him. He moved right when we did....I feel for the people he moved in next to!

So we have spent a year in a smaller rental. We are kind of on top of each other in here compared to the last house. I thought it would be hard. But the only bad thing has been a lot of our stuff is in storage. We couldn't really decorate or get settled here. But what I learned is a family makes a house. We have had a good year here....not much really changed. The bonus is we have made a few great friends here that we wouldn't have if we weren't here! We have had some fun nights here.  A lot of the coaches from the high school live here too. We have made friends with them too. Salt of the earth people. So I'm happy we lived here and will be able to carry these friendships on to the next adventure!  We have had fun nights here with good conversations and a little dancing in this kitchen. Plus we still have had friends and family come and stay. I guess that saying everything happens for a reason rings true.

So we are getting close to embark on our next adventure. When I think about this next house I think..."Damn I'm lucky". I got to build and design our/my dream home. Some people never get to that. I get that. I hope this house will bring more first and lots of good memories. I know one thing...two more of my kids will turn into men in this house. Scary right????? More scary because that means I'm getting old! I kind of hate that since I feel young still! One is close to flying the coop..at least I hope! I think it's important for him to do that even though I kind of hate it! I almost wish I could freeze time in this next house. We could just stay right where we are now that would be perfect. We have made their stay a little too comfortable though. They may never want to leave!

I picture lots of family and friends around in this next house. This house to me looks like a perfect picture......but I know from experience it will come with challenges on the inside. I have learned in my later years nothing is perfect and life has ups and downs. Damn it, When I was young I pictured white picket fence and bliss. But I'm looking forward to all that comes with it! Ask me that same question in a few years and it may be different.....with a house full of teenagers! Woe is me! For sure. But really even though this house has not gone the way we planned we have an amazing builder...even if I give him shit once in a while.....he throws it right back at me. I kinda like that about him....Most of the time. Sometimes I want to throw him the bone...but this house as long it took is turning out perfect...which is more than I can say for the people that are about to move in it! I will never admit that to him though!  Anyway...final thought.....My perfect black dog that I may love more than these people at times is going to look fab on that porch! And yes....I'm really thinking about that! Hello padded cell....My name is Kerry!!!!!!!


Thursday, September 19, 2013

Smelly kids that fight over God knows what!!!! Life is good!



 I have not been on here for a while again. There are many reasons.......not motivated, building a house...FOREVER, tired, busy, doing laundry, cooking dinner, having house guest, lazy, fighting with hubs....OVER THE BUILDING A HOUSE FOREVER, and it's frickin football season......enough said!!!!! So football season for Blake pretty much started two weeks after school let out. We do live in Texas. A little bit of a thorn in my side in summer since I don't have that kid who will get a football ride to college. Don't tell him that though! He says on game days he is super pumped up. This picture of him is his first game. He was one of the team captains. He is 83 in case you care. I don't get the thrill. Maybe because I'm a girl. I get thrilled over pink and boots. My kids get thrilled over football and baseball. Oh yes, and girls! Thorn in my side too. Football for me also means too much time in the car with smelly kids fighting over God knows what! Also a thorn in my side....did I say that?????? I really need to invest in a self help CD!
  We actually have our homecoming game tomorrow. Do you want to hear about another thorn in my side????? Homecoming.......When I was a teen the guy asked you to the homecoming dance. The homecoming dance was fun and exciting. Us girls would pick out the perfect dress for this event. Which back in my day was some metallic dress with giant sleeves. A dress that by no means showed your assets. Anyway....back to homecoming. Homecoming in this day in age has changed. They don't care about the dance.  This makes me sad. I so want homecoming dance pictures. Homecoming now means you spend an UN Godly amount of money on a mum. Not only do you do that but your kid has to come up with an expensive way to ask a girl to Homecoming!!!!! It's almost like a frickin marriage proposal.

So anyway I kept hearing about these crazy ways kids were asking girls to homecoming. Flowers, chocolates, candles, cookies,  getting teachers involved to put things on chalk boards and test. I asked Blake how he was going to ask Mary to homecoming. She happens to be his girlfriend on and off since 6th grade.....more on than off. He says..."I don't know, we have been dating forever". I say..."You have to do something great. All her friends will want to know how you asked her. He is interested but wants me to do the work. What do I do????? I do what I would have wanted in high school. Let me just say...I think this generation is a little messed up but these chicks are on to something. Making the guys work for it. So we got a rose, balloons, candy, and a football charm. We went into her first period class and set it all up. He should thank me...cause she thinks he's a rock star. I asked him how it went. He said she loved the way he asked.  Being a girl I have encouraged my boys to treat women the way they are supposed to be treated. Hubs may disagree but that is why men are from Mars and women are from Venus. All I know is my idea was the bomb.
 So there's Cole. No homecoming date but poor baby got my short genes and is still growing. He only comes up the girls neck about now. I asked him if he was going to ask a girl. He said..."No, no one likes me". I felt bad for him. Mark my words this kid will be a stud when he catches up. He's smart, cute, and funny. He really makes me laugh everyday. I always tell him how it's important to make a girl laugh. Like you can be ugly as shit and if you make her laugh your in. But he's damn cute so when he grows he's going to be the shit!

Anyway Cole's first football game he got the ball right out of the gate. I was so excited because it was the first time in a long time he had his hands on the ball where he could run. This was his shining moment. That was until the QB tried to get in front of him to block and he tripped him. As he tripped him.....I thought NOOOOOOOOOO! Please God WHY! But it is what it is. After the game I asked him about that. He being the super laid back  said..."Mom, it's all good". I said were you mad??? He said..."It felt great to have the ball and my friend feels really bad he tripped me". He said he felt so bad he talked about it the whole game. But please God this kid loves football......Let him be a star at least once!!!!!
Then there is Aidan...aka...pig pen. We had to change schools because we moved. Pig pen is a man who hates change. It has been a nightmare getting him to change schools his last year of elementary. He loved all the teachers and his classmates at the last school.  So changing has caused him and me a lot of grief. At night he tells me he's not going back to the school. Begging me to go talk to his last school to get him back in.  What helped a little is he became the "NEW" guy. The guy that all the girls like. We all know if we look back we all love the "new guy". He's got a girlfriend now. He gets crazy text at 6am with way too many of those smiley faces with hearts in the eyes and hearts and flowers. If this was my first I might have died. Aidan is my last....What ever makes him want to go to school at this point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He loves to go to the varsity games. He thinks he's one of the big kids. Always in the high school student section on someones shoulders. He even made someones "Twitter" last Friday. So this is what we have been up to.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

16 years has gone by way too fast.

It's been a while since I've been here! Life got in the way.....not to mention brain fog. My oldest turns 16 tomorrow. 16....I have to say it over and over to believe it. How can I have a 16 year old????? I feel I still act like a 16 year old at times. Woe is me! I have that damn Peter Pan complex. So I sit here tonight....wanting to watch Duck Dynasty or Housewives. Anything but write in this stupid blog.  Tomorrow is a big day though....I'm going to have a 16 year old. Which to me means a person I birthed that can drive!!!!!!!!! When you take them to kinder for the first time and cry your eyes out. Not knowing if it's tears of joy or sorrow.  After you get through all those night feedings and the nasty toddler years this shit goes lighting fast! Don't blink. What's on my mind tonight as I wish I could go back to that night 16 years ago and start this crap over! Seriously people! I was all of 27 when this one came along. I thought I was old as shit at the time. Young and dumb for sure. I would do such a better job if I had a do over! I'm so much smarter now. At least that's what I tell myself!

 If I could reverse I would be laying in bed about now. Still smelling the dinner....it would be making me sick. Almost like it was coming under the door to mess with me. I was scared to death about giving birth. For a good reason...as I know now. Waiting for Hubs to get home from the worst job he ever had. Reading "What to expect when your expecting". Hubs would get home. I would tell him all the signs of labor I was reading about. Not knowing this guy was ready to see the world a little early. Which in his later years he's still waiting to see the world too early. Woe is me...did I say that???? At about six am I started to get craps like I had to poop. No poop was coming out though. I woke Hubs up who was going on no sleep. He told me I was crazy and I just had to poop. I will never let him live this down. This one was by far my hardest birth. Still the most pain I ever felt in my life.

Anyway I read this person's blog recently. She was talking about kids. She was talking about how they are like dogs in their early years. Ya know happy to see you, want to be with you, tails wagging for you all the time. Then they turn into cats. Arrogant, stand off ish, only come down for food, and are down right nasty. Boy was she spot on. She says they eventually turn back into dogs. I sure hope so. I'm not a cat lover!!!! So I have this cat 16 years later. Sometimes this cat shows signs of being a dog when he not asking for money, food, or a ride. But for the most part we live in the same house but have almost become roommates. Roommates that fight all the time. It makes me sad in way. This kid used to think I hung the moon He used to cry in preschool because he hated when I went away.  Now he thinks almost everything I say is stupid. I'd almost like to refer to him as a cat/dog....cat being first! Woe is me....yep I said it again!!!!!

So he has a girlfriend. Same girl he's been in love with since the 6th grade. This is super hard for a mom who still thinks she has a dog! What I love about this is he is loyal, like a dog. See there's a sign of dog in there. Who didn't want a loyal guy in high school???? And yes Hubs and I, taught him this!!!!!! He did hear a little of what we said! So he tells me they will go to college together and then get married. Yes, there are those few rare that make it. But it's a damn lottery. I like the girlfriend. He shows signs of the dog when he's with her. I was always nervous about my boys dating. Thinking I would never like who they picked. I'm happy he has good taste.  I'm super proud of him for being such a good boyfriend at such a young age. When I was his age my Dad used to joke that I could have a boy for the month. I was always changing boyfriends. Never satisfied at that age. Thank you Jesus I've taught my kids better.

Don't feel too bad for me. I still have two dogs in the house. That swear they will never turn into cats. I have one that's about to turn into a cat before my eyes! Don't blink. Did I say that??? Those dogs think this cat I have is the bees knees. Bee's knees is a saying right???? Not sure if that sounds right! Ya know what I mean though. Hopefully I won't eventually have three cats at once. If this happens I may leave! Every other weekend would sound great.

Anywho, I'm rambling! What I want to say about my my oldest. Who I still think of as child. He is turning into a man before my eyes. I never imagined that someday this perfect child that scrunched his forehead  when he took a bottle. That face is forever in my head. When he was little he was perfect in every way.  I remember thinking "everything is going to be alright because I have this perfect child". Boy was I wrong....because no one has a perfect child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But truth be told I wouldn't trade this not so perfect child for a billion dollars! So happy birthday to my not so charming prince! I love you to the moon and back!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

prank callers

So my day is filled with craziness. Blake who is on the football team started "two a days" this week. This is for the birds if your kid doesn't drive. He needs to be at the high school at 6:30 am. Picked up at 9:30am. Back at 1:30 pm and picked up at 3:30. Yes, I just rolled my eyes after I typed this. A "WTF" may have rolled off my tongue too. If he was that kid that might go to college on a football ride I might take this better. But in reality this is not the case!  As I keep writing you will see that this makes me a bit crazy.

I was texting one of my friends who shall name anonymous. We were poking fun at a mutual friend who posts "selfy" pics of herself all day every day on line. Now I get that the kids do this and it is the norm. But this one is like 40 something. Not only that but she post super random thoughts she has as well, weird random thoughts that shouldn't be published, they should stay in her head. I'm feeling a little judgmental now since I have a few "selfy" photos out there. Mine are for laughs though. Maybe I'm the only one laughing though.  Hers are serious ones. I'm also guilty of being a walking, talking, on line advertisement of my life. Drives Hubs mad! So back to my story. We were poking fun -being assholes about this person. I spent my day taking "selfy" pics and sending them to my friend. It's the little things that get me through the day.

Then I headed to Zumba. I just started back after my two month break. Mind you I was in Chicago for almost six of those weeks. Eating, drinking, and being merry! I forgot how much I love this! Puts me in a good mood right away. I came in and there was a few old faces and lots of new ones. There is like this new Zumba gang in there. I used to be the Zumba gang but there's a new gang in town.  I always dance in the very back of the room. I bet you pegged me as a front of the room girl. Since I scream "attention whore". I like the back though. If I was good I would totally be in the front. So the new gang has this girl who happens to dance right in front of me. We are supposed to mirror the instructor. This girl not only does opposite of what the instructor is doing but she also wears this tie on jingle jangle skirt you can tie around your waste there. She totally messed up my Zumba game. I found myself trying to follow the instructor but looking at her and getting really messed up. Those jingle jangles I wanted to strangle her with even though I was in my semi happy place there. You should only wear those if you can rock it in the Zumba class. Half way through I imagined myself removing those jingles from her waste and putting them on one of the front of the class peoples! Yes, summer has done me in! Woe is me and anyone around me at this point!

So after Zumba I headed to my friends daughters volleyball game. After that we head home. I settle in for a little shit TV. As I take another "selfy" pic to send to my friend, a call comes in. It says "BLOCKED". I think...."who can this be????". I pick up and a little voice says...."I can see you and I'm in the closet". Followed by a familiar giggle. I say..."Come out of the closet, it's alright I understand". The voice says...."That's not what I meant by that, I'm under the sofa and I'm about to get you". Followed by a familiar giggle. I say.."Hey Cole, you might just be the worst prank call I ever received". He says..."Awwww Mom, how did you know it was me???". I say...."I'm super smart like that but the giggle coming from your bedroom didn't help". A little more time goes by. Like another episode of housewives. I hear some voices. I go to Cole's bedroom........no ones in there. I follow the voices to the garage. Cole his friend and pig pen are sitting in the boat giggling. Totally prank calling people. I tell them to come in and stop it. Cole says..."No, wait mom I'm really good at this, watch.  I watch him prank call a friend in a strange voice and act like he's a dude from a tattoo parlor. I do have to laugh at his fake voice. I say..."Alright, come in that's enough". He says..."Hey Mom you do one". I say..."No, I can't". He says..."Come on you know you want too". I say..."Alright just one". So I call my friend Ash ready to put on my most creepy voice. It goes to voice mail. They say..."leave a pranky message". So as her message finishes I say in my most pranking voice..."I'm in your house and I can see you". My voice was great.....but they were laughing in the background. Totally ruined my prank call. What I forgot is how damn funny it is to make a prank call. To be a kid again....I would be a rotten for sure if I had a do over.......Final thoughts....summer, summer, summer, time!!!!!!!!! Is anyone else out there ready for that six hour break???? Plus decent bedtime????? Or am I the only asshole who feels  road hard and put away wet???? Not the good way either!!!!!!


Monday, August 5, 2013

Calorie counters are buzz killers!

So I'm a pinteresting fool! I have a love hate relationship with it. It has made building a house depressing. Those great pinterest kitchens are for millionaires. Warning to anyone building or remodeling...stay off this pinterest unless you shit 100 dollar bills.  Pinterest makes you feel bad about your body too. Damn those perfect pinteresting work out barbies. Don't get me started on the clothes, photography, and recipes. Pinterest shit is for over achievers. Which I am not. I like to think of myself as a motivated procrastinator. If I was motivated I could do a whole blog on failing on Pinterest.

I have made some great recipes that I found on there though. Like the other night. I made cheesecake factory's spicy chicken pasta. Hubs who happens to be a buzz killing calorie counter said this was the best thing I ever made! That says a lot since we have been married as long as the dinosaurs were around. Then he says my all time hated thing....."Is this fattening?'. I say..."I don't think so, it's loaded with good stuff like veggies and chicken". "Can't be all that bad". Boy I'm glad I didn't bet the farm on that statement. There is always a computer, iPad, or iPhone with in arms reach at our house! Yes, we are those annoying people who aren't present in our lives.  So I grab the iPad to look up the calories on this amazing melt in your mouth recipe. I "google" spicy chicken pasta from cheesecake factory calories. At least twenty sites come up. I click on the first one. It says...."1750" calories. I start to stop eating this fat ass shit recipe. I click on the next site. Same thing! I bring my plate to the garbage disposal, throw out most of my dinner. Hubs is like..."well, what does it say???". He should have been watching what I was doing which is throwing out more than half my dinner. As I click on ten more that say the same thing. I say...."I can't find anything on it". I put the iPad away as if I have found no info. I say..."Keep eating I'm sure it's not bad". My nose is growing at this point. Now I'm safe cause he doesn't  read this blog anymore. Being an anal perfectionist my grammar drives him insane.

My first clue should have been...."cheesecake factory". My second should have been..."Best thing I ever made". Things that feel good are never good for us! Which by the way pisses me off. I kind of want to complain to God about this. I did send some of this yummy recipe to the perfectly in shape new neighbors. That makes me smile in an evil kind of way. I am just kidding a little I hope you know! They workout and run so they are alright. I sit on my ass a lot and watch shit TV so not so much for me. Which is why mine ended up in disposal. Damn it, it stills makes me mad that everything good is bad....why is that????

Tonight as I write this my super not so fun summer kids are watching "Duck Dynasty" . When does school start?????  Aidan who is all about how to get ahead in life says..."How are these toothless people with beards so rich???". I say "because they came up with a great idea." Cole says...."No it's because they have a funny show". I say...."But they landed that show from their great idea". I say..."Come up with a great idea so you can get me some work done because your shenanigans have aged me". Cole laughs and says.."Mom you look great, you just need to workout a little more". I love this kid. He is my most honest kid...tells it like it is for sure. Even if you don't want to hear it. Guess I need to workout!

So summer is coming to an end! Thank you Jesus.  It's work!  My kids have  tried to out eat one another. They get mad at the other one if they are eating something. Like Cole the other day was eating a Sammy. Aidan was eating two broccoli and cheese things from the freezer. Cole got mad and said...."Why do you need to eat two?". Little pig pen says.."Cause I'm hungry". Cole who is by far full from what he's eating says..."I'm going to eat one of those too, so you don't get all of them". I think....."really, you guys are not even hungry but your trying to eat so the other doesn't get it?". Go back to school, for Gods sake... This just chaps my ass!


Friday, August 2, 2013

We clean up well...but it's downhill from there

I promised to keep this blog upbeat and not full of drunkin sappy crap. So while in Chicago my family and I headed to a wedding. It might end up a little drunky. My neighbor across the street who is all of 30 got married. I used to babysit her but I'm aging myself now. We headed there with Deb and Grumps who happened to be mom and dad. We were all dressed up and perfect like the two girls my parents dreamed about. Prim proper and presentable! Not for long though......

My sister who I love to call Twisty is not a drinker in any sense of the word. But on this night she was all in. We had a few drinks. We watched all the people dance for a while. We sucked our drinks while watching. At one point Kelly went to the bathroom. Leaving me with Deb and Grumps to watch the dance floor. Deb and Grumps are kinda cool to hang with even if they are Debs and Grumps....meaning Debbie Downer and Grumping old guy. Kelly comes back from the bathroom and says something that might have made me pee in pants and advertise it on Facebook. Because that's what we do now right???? Advertise our lives on social media. So she says...."Hey I was in the bathroom, I realized I'm that fat girl that is an easy target at a wedding".  I seriously laughed out loud! Not because I thought she was that girl. My sister is not fat at all.... She is beautiful really and funny. I thought how many guys get both???? I don't think she knows she is not that fat girl.....she is that girl that happens to be the whole package! I don't know who messed her up to think that. I'm the bully big sister that might bitch slap anyone who makes her feel that way!

After that we went down hill on a black slope with no board! We were all into drinking. Ended up on the dance floor. The music was great. Don't think we weren't the girls with our hands over our heads dancing thinking we looked hot. "Do A little dance, make a little love, get down tonight" Went out for air a few times. At one air moment this couple came out. Kelly who normally does not talk to strangers decided to put her foot in her mouth. So the girl happened to be stunning. Kelly kept telling her how beautiful she was. That was all good. She was that girl you stop to look at because she's that pretty. It got ugly when Kelly told her husband he was lucky to have such a beautiful wife because he was not all that and a bag of chips. I did my best to stop her...but she had a mouth of her own.

We went back and danced and danced and danced. Omg...the music...was so good at this wedding. The bride looked amazing which was the word of the night. Before we knew it the night was over.  So we are with my parents at the wedding. So they drove..thank you Jesus. On the way home Kelly and I are in the back seat. We morphed  into two high school giggly girls. Well maybe two drunk girls trying to act sober in front of the parents. At one point Kelly rolled down the window. She hung her head out like a dog. I laughed so hard I might have peed.....May need to see some Dr about that! She said.."I think I'm car sick". I thought is she trying to save face in front of the parents???? I say..."Ummmm. Your drunk...maybe sick". She says...."NOOOO I"MMM cave sickkkkk". Yes I meant to miss spell that cause that's what she sounded like. I laughed, and laughed! We both seem to take some sick pleasure when one looks awful in front of the parents! I guess we're those typical toy R us kids...the ones that never want to grow up.....or maybe peter pan....Where's the fairy dust???? I might love fairy dust! Flying sounds fun....

The next day...My Mom was driving her somewhere with my aunt in the car. She was riding in the back. She text me..."I'm car sick, feel like I'm going to puke". I text back..."That's a hangover, if you got car sick that would happen your whole life". I guess she's an amateur, That's a good thing!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Do birds have penises?????

First I need to start by saying lasts nights blog was a cluster fuck. Note to self......DO NOT BLOG WITH A BUZZ! It's a buzz kill in the morning for sure. I just sounded like a typical whiny drunk girl repeating herself. The Bachelorette messed me up. I was so broken hearted for her I decided to drink to help ease the pain. That Disney prince turned into an evil warlock. If we lived in a Disney movie kind of world I would banish him to the nasty forest. Ya know the kind that the witches seem to live in on the movies. No greenery, all black, gray, and dark. I wish I was computer savvy I would totally insert in an evil witch laugh sound.

While in Chicago I hung out most with my sister.....aka...Twisty. I call her that for a reason I swear. I have a few twisted stories to tell about her. I think my favorite was the bird story. Kelly is a huge animal lover. She works in a vets office. Pet sits, rescues half dead animals, and apparently does inappropriate things with birds! I got your attention didn't I. Oh yes totally insert an evil laugh.

So we were having our annual Kane family BBQ at my Mom and Dads. Kelly brought one of the birds over from the Vets office. We all had a great time playing with this bird. Not as good as Twisty though.  I don't even remember what we were talking about or why this subject came up. All the sudden Twisty says...."The bird humps my arm sometimes". We all kind of look at her strange. She then says..."I feel bad that it's in the cage all day so I let him". She says.."It's probably the only joy the bird gets". My Uncle Tommy....looks at her like she's nuts and says..."Kelly, that's weird". She says..."I feel bad for it though". I ask "does it ejaculate?".  Because really I had no idea a bird did that. She says "Yes, and when it does it spreads its wings really big". BLAAAA, HAAAAA,  HAAAAAAAA. I'm rolling at this point. Or maybe peeing my pants.  We all think that is weird as hell. She doesn't see a problem with this at all!!!!!!! So I keep asking questions. You can imagine how my Dad, a mild mannered Grumps who never says anything remotely inappropriate is feeling. Don't think I didn't walk around spreading my wings Kawwww, Kawwwing at her!!!!! I think at one point Grumps said..."Enough all ready".

So tonight after my cluster fuck post last night I was trying to think of something funny to blog about! This is what I got. I did "google" "Do birds have penises" right before I started to write. Most birds do not have penises.....in case your wondering. They have a lump called a cloaca. While I'm on this site Hubs walks by. He says..."Is there a reason your pulling up shit about bird penises??". I say..."Well Kelly lets this bird ejaculate on her arm". He says..."Stop right there, I have heard enough!!!!!!!". While writing this I decide I'm going to text the twisted one. It said one word...."CLOACA". My guess is right now she is "googling" it. Just got a text back from her! It says...."Cloaca...HUH?????". I text back "Kelly with one of those heart icons Cloaca". Usually she has a quicker response when I text her strange things! Maybe she is busy getting her bird on!!!!!!!!


Trip to Chicago

I just came back from a long trip to Chicago. It feels like I was never there. What those old folks say is true...time flies. My Dad flew down and drove us there. He also drove us back. He may just be the greatest guy in the world. Car rides with these people are not fun. So I'm home, missing my life there. In a prefect world I would win a huge lotto and be able to live in two places. My heart is torn between two lives. I love my life here. I have some great friends and my kids are happy here. When I'm home everything feels better for me. I feel more complete there. I've been so behind on this blog. I have nothing interesting to say. I'm in a funk for sure. I just don't care about writing in it anymore. This has always been an honest place for me....maybe too honest at times.

This trip was different. It was like I was tired. I spent a lot of time sitting around. Tired from my life , Really...games, practice, and driving.  I just left all of it.  Before I knew it the trip was over. I didn't spend time with people enough. I didn't even see friends I wanted to see. I feel awful about that.  I kept thinking I had lots of time and all the sudden it was over.  I came home to the nightmare of building a house. Nothing about this has gone smoothly. We are way behind on this project. Because we contracted this house when the housing market was in a slump last year has done us wrong. When you do a construction loan, you do it at the time you start to build. This was last October for us. So they bid the job before you get the loan. The housing market out here skyrocketed right after we bid everything. So now we have crews walking off the job because they can make 30 percent more on other jobs. So our house looks like an abandoned ship at this point. Our builder doesn't want to lose money on this deal either. I get it. But we were supposed to be in the house now. We don't even have a roof at this point. It's frustrating as hell. Half my stuff is in storage. I never thought we would be in a rental this long. I just want to feel settled at this point. I have never been able to get comfortable here. Half my shit is gone and plus I know I'm leaving this place. I don't want you to think I'm bitching too much. I do get that I'm blessed to be able to build my dream house. It's just not been a smooth road. I know in the long run it will be great. If I'm not divorced in the end. building a home is a true test of what your marriage can handle. It's my last build for sure. He says Black I say white........oh my!

So my Dad left this week. It was hard to say goodbye. I dropped him at the airport after a camping trip he went on with us before he left. He kinda said he hates camping. I love that he did something he hated to make us happy. My kids will remember a great trip. We spent 19 hours in the car to Chicago and 19 hours back together. I wouldn't trade those hours for a million dollars. They mean more to me than he will ever know. I cried all the way home from the airport. It was so hard to say goodbye. I almost wish I could reverse and be a kid with no worries in his house again. I would get everything my parents tried to tell me so much more.  I love being with him and and my family.  I keep trying to school my kids about this. I keep trying to tell my oldest to be a kid and not try to grow up to fast. Is he hearing me???? No way!!!! He thinks he knows it all....as did I.  Someday they will miss this as crazy as it can be. My oldest left Chicago early for football.  He left and never called or text me. I finally called him. I asked him are you going to go to college and never call me again like you were never my kid. He laughed and said "no"! I don't know though. I think boys are different. They are not emotional like girls.  This is why I'm upset I never had a girl. There will be no shopping and lunches. No late night phone calls! I will have to depend on daughter in laws! That kinda makes my want to puke.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

MORE DRAMA ON THE BACHELORETTE

Starts out with the famous group date. Michael G is more concerned with Ben...aka...mayor mc cheese being on it! That's going to kill you dude! I mean really I have never heard the guy mention Dez....only the Mayor!

So they walk in and are faced with a dodge ball team. They look mean as hell. There are a few of these ballers  that if I were Dez I would have wanted to trade for a few of the cheese balls. They get their asses handed to them by the ballers. Brooks pony tail probably didn't help. 

Now they are going to "ball" each other. Mickey is cracking my ass up when he walks in. What a "baller". Brooks gets hurt right away. I think he may have been trying to adjust that pony and his finger got broke. The famous ambulance arrives. Wouldn't be a good season without one. I guess Brooks won't be doing any finger licking. 

The Blue Balls take the win. On to the night date. First up we have Brian with yet another sad, sad, story. He puts on his best sad face for Dez. He's damn cute though. Just wondering if any of them care to ask if Dez has her own sad story. I find myself imagining him with his shirt off. His sad story??? I think I missed that one. 

Chris seems to be getting a little sweaty over that nasty little single rose on the table. So he drags her on the roof top. Do you ever notice they all seem to say the same thing in their interviews season after season??? "After tonight my feeling are definitely changing" "We have a connection" Insert man creepy voice. 

OMG, could Brooks be any more dramatic walking in holding his hurt finger in the air???? This is one Disney prince I might send riding off into the sunset. 

And the roof top worked....Chris gets the rose!!!!!! They get a private concert in the park. Well not so private because the vultures are buzzing above. 

Next Kasey awaits his one on one. I bet he says.."We have a connection" after. She walks in and asks to speak with Brian...dun, dun, dun....... Your screwed dude. She's totally setting him up for disaster. In walks Chris with a girl. He parades her past the guys for added drama. This is going to be good. Girlfriend right out of the gate is giving Brian the biz natch. Girl won't let anyone else talk. She doesn't even come up for air between tears and mad faces. He tries is best to defend himself. When that's not working he says..."She throws rocks at my head". As if anyone gives a shit at this point. She says..."Yes, I do". Girl should throw one at his nut sack. And he gets the boot. I see a rock imprint right between the eyes in his future. Boo bye!!!!!

Kasey your date is starting out as a buzz kill. Now the guys are all putting their two cents in about Brian. They should be wearing judges robes. That would be amusing. Brandon takes it a tad to far in his interview. Crying about it....... really?????? That's a red flag! Dude has some issues!!!!!! 

Off to Kaseys one on one. He reminds me of a chipmunk. I don't even know why. I find myself wanting to wipe that smile off his face.  Still smiling after dancing on the side of building! Another roof top date after that. Seems to be another buzz kill coming on. It's a little windy on that roof top. But he's still smiling. So do they get off the roof??? Nope they jump in the freezing pool. Kasey goes in for the big kiss. Guess what he smiles through the whole thing. It didn't look sexy at all. He does get a rose. And yes he is smiling from ear to ear. 

Another group date! They go to a stunt ranch. They get dressed up in their best cowboy get ups. Fake fighting, lassoing, and getting time with DEZ. What more could they want. They all want time alone with DEZ or the camera. Dan's pants split. Just tells me there is a nice bubble ass under there! Jaun wins her heart and gets a badge....not a rose, a badge. As the guys point out! They get to watch a movie in some uncomfortable looking stick chair! They kiss........Looks way juicier than Kaseys. He didn't smile he kissed her passionately as Dez pointed out! I see rose colored glasses in his future. 

That evening they sit around the fire in stick chairs. Weird right???? That shit can catch on fire. Bryden steals her away. They have a pretty hot kiss too. Wonder if he can taste Juan on her lips! Something is wrong with me tonight. I can't help wanting to see him with his shirt off. 

Zak....Where is that shirtless wonder from night one????? He's so different from that first night. He seems nice. But guess what "He feels a connection" Your shocked right??? James and his sad story is  sad. His poor Dad. Hope he's alright! He didn't get a kiss but he did get a rose. Zak feels defeated by this. Wait James goes in for the big kiss too. 

Pool Party.......shrinkage. Ben steals her away in the car. I love how she never lets the guys drive it. Ben's tank top may be the stupidest thing I've seen all season. Wondering if he borrowed that from his baby Mama. Of course the guys see them pull back up. Mayor mc cheese lies to the guys about seeing her. Mikey and Michael G pony up on Ben about his lie! Because Ben totally gives a shit what they think.

Meanwhile Brandon....aka....CreepO, steals her away to tell her he is "IN LOVE" with her. He even says...."I know we barely talk". Come on.....Really?????? That song "Looking for love in all the wrong places" is playing in my head! He reminds me of one of those girls we have all known. The one who thinks their in love with anyone who looks their way. He does go in for a kiss, it is super strange looking. I see a solo limo ride in this guys future.

The rose ceremony is about to begin. Brandon says he feels more confident than ever. Oh boy, this should be good! Michael G is still talking about Ben....aka...mayor mc cheese! It's getting slightly creepy. I'd be sleeping with one eye open if I were Ben.

The ceremony is the usual room of dazed and confused dudes. Some look like they could cry. Some look like their holding in farts. Others look like they are in pain. Dan is out and is bummed. Bummed because I don't ever remember him getting a kiss or any camera time. Who is Dan???? Has he been in a corner somewhere???? Like I guessed Brandon creeped her out with that "I'm in Love with you" . So he stands there as if he is watching a UFO float around the room. He is "Blown away". He says that at least three times. Says "His heart was smashed by a hammer because he was in love". Yep it's statements like these that landed him in the solo limo. He's out of tears!!!!!!!!!!! I guess he cried too much over Brian's infidelity. Boo bye!