Sunday, December 15, 2013


Do you ever just question every thing in your life???? Scared about everything. Did you do right by your kids? Are you raising them right? When they are little it's easy. Even if you feel like a crazy zombie. But they are safe. You just have to get through the day keeping them alive and feed them. But then they turn into teenagers. They try to grow up too fast. This parenting thing is hard. So I used to lay in my bed as a young lady imagining myself married with perfect kids. I couldn't have never imagined all the hard stuff that came along with that. I should have been imagining my self as "LuLu", the girl living down town in a loft with fabulous boots! I'm just kidding but it's a nice fantasy when my kids are making me want to scratch my eyes out.

So here are my crazy thoughts tonight. Island comes to mind. I kinda of wish I could freeze time. I would be the only one on this island for a while. Everyone else would be frozen. I would think…cause I over think. I need time to really think…re think if you will. On my island I think about my "Santa" days. My kids perfectly dressed sitting on Santa's lap! Oh my how I miss those days. How I think it's bullshit that those days have come and gone. I would work out on this island….because I'm not sure what happened. All I know is I can't get it under control even though I know what to do. My friends warned me that cheeseburgers really did hit your thighs…who knew??? I hate them for being right.  So I would pretty much get it back together on this island. I need about six months if the universe is listening……In a perfect world right???? How frickin great is my fantasy???? But we are in fact in reality.

So Xmas is a week away. I have not shopped… kids need nothing! I'm supposed to move in less than a week. I have packed nothing. Am I stressed, freaked out, overwhelmed???? Um yes! Sister wife comes to mind! Have I done laundry, got the kids school notes taken care of, checked sky word, cleaned behind them, gone to an Xmas party, taken them to see lights, Feed them, gotten them ready for school, cooked baked goods(I kind of suck at that), and did two photo shoots…. But I'm here trying to wrap my head around getting it together. OMG, too tired to proof read…story of my life… is what u get! So sorry! And yes I feel pressure and I'm overwhelmed…send help fast! I'm not afraid to ask for it!

P.S. Taye Diggs might be on my island!

Saturday, December 7, 2013

It's the most wonderful time of the year????? Really?????

 It's the most wonderful time of the year is what I've been trying to sing in my head…..But "Bullshit" usually follows it! It really is if your a kid brainwashed by the fantasy of a jolly old fat guy in red suit coming down your chimney to drop off gifts. Oh my how life was such a fantasy in those days. I think my favorite year was when Santa brought me the barbie dream house! Who knew your parents were just lying to you. Everything is downhill after you find out the jolly old red suit guy is BS! You get a little joy again after you have kids and get to live the fantasy through them. But now my fantasy is over and it's become BS! Are you saying…."Baah, humbug"???? I do sound like a bit of a downer about now. But I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. I guess it's because I can't set up for Christmas since I'm moving three days before Christmas. Maybe it's because my kids no longer believe in Santa. They have sucked the fun right out of the holiday. The fact that they on line shop for shit they should not know exists is a thorn in my side. Maybe it's because I'm jealous of all the "elf" fun my friends with younger kids are having. I'm sick of looking at Facebook pics of "elves" doing stupid shit. I want to comment "barf" on everyone. I'm kind of being a jerk. I would have had so much fun with a naughty elf. Now mine would be at the bottom of beer bottle. That damn shit came out after my kids were "elf" age. I'm not angry! The only thing I'm angry about is that I didn't come up with this brilliant elf shit! I would be shitting elf money if that were the case!

So I find myself driving home from work mad that I'm the only house without lights or decorations. Last year after Xmas I bought everything up on clearance for this Xmas. Because I was supposed to be pretty settled in our/my dream house. But that's a whole other bitch fest! All that shit is in boxes. Baah, humbug". I feel like the Grinch. Imagining taking everyone's lights down, stealing their trees, stockings, and telling their kids there is no fat ass jolly guy. I just took this too far! I am kidding in a way. Something happened this week that brought me right back down to reality. A close friend of mine is going through something way bigger than my baah, humbug, bad attitude. And now I'm felling guilty for being such an asshole. It reminds me that my problems are nothing compared to what's going on in other people's homes. So my hat is off to this family and my prayers are for them today.

So here is my new plan. I'm thankful for the fact that I'm getting a dream home and have a healthy family. Even if they make me want to scratch my eyeballs out a lot. I will look forward to the day I have grandchildren and can live through their fantasy of Christmas. I will be the annoying Grandparent fighting the other Grandparents for time with the kids. I will insist on staying over Xmas night to do Santa. My daughter in laws are going to hate me.  I will also look forward to seeing my kids deal with their own kids, insert evil laugh! At that time they will understand all my love and frustrations! I will also move into our/my dream home and set up Christmas before I unpack anything. It will look like Christmas exploded in that place. I will keep that shit up for as long as I please too. And I will enjoy the shit out of it! I'm saying sorry right now to my neighbors who will see lights and Xmas trees till FebuKerry! I might even get me one of those most annoying elves and make it do naughty things at night for my pleasure. And yes I will elf ourselves on that funny dancing elf site. To all you peeps with young ones out there….enjoy Xmas when your kids are young….this shit goes way too fast! When it's over it's not that fun anymore. I would totally give Hubs left nut for a kid that believed right now!

On a brighter note! I had no idea if you dipped a cotton ball in water it would stick! My wheels are turning and I have a certain "One upper" in mind about now!!!! Doing this to a certain someone might just bring back my Xmas joy!!!

Sunday, December 1, 2013


So needless to say my last blog post was about everything I'm thankful for. It was Thanksgiving…..I was feeling the "Thankfulness". Now that I'm at the end of week of my kids being home….not so much! So as much so I have a hate list I'm about to make of my top ten not so favorite things about my kids being home for a week.

1….I work now…a real job for the first time in a while. I'm not thankful for the state of my home when I got home from work this week! It's like a bomb went off or a tornado hit. You would think they were homeless staving people. My God I think they have eating contest while I work.

2…I'm not thankful for kids on line shopping for the Xmas list! Us parents in this generation got the shaft! They get on line and see things they would never know existed if it wasn't for "Google". I imagine myself crashing the whole "google" site at times! Then there is Facebook, instagram, snap chat, and Vine. For kids this age it's like a "Hey look at me and look what I got" thing! Everybody knows what everyone is doing and what everyone is getting. Even people they don't really know. Even celebrities. It puts a new meaning on the famous kid saying…"Well so and so got this". Now it's more like "OMG, this person is in Disney, this one is skiing, this one is downtown, this one got a dirt bike, this one is hunting, this one got new shoes, and so on and so on and so on and so on and Soooooooooo on! Then they say why aren't we in Disney, skiing, hunting, or why aren't you buying me all this shit all the other parents are????????Makes my want to run screaming from my house NAKED! HaHa checking if your reading this…..I would never run naked from my house! I would run/walk fast but never naked!

3…The fighting……and the fighting….and the fighting! Everyone in my house is an expert on what the others should be doing or what they are not doing right! Need I say more!

4….The sleepovers! Do we really need a sleep over every night! Kids are like un human. They remind me of vampires. Not that hot one either! They can stay up all night with tons of energy and loud voices!

5…The fact that they are starving at midnight! They come in the kitchen like they have never seen food in their lives. Cooking, opening the fridge, and the pantry. The sound of wrappers and the microwave sends chills up my spine! Oh yes, my mom says I will miss this someday! Not thinking she is right~

6….Needing rides. "I need a ride to Belterra, I need a ride to the mall, I need a ride to jump wild, I need a ride to my friends, My friend needs a ride here"!!!!!! I should be paid for all the driving I do…just saying! "Jump Wild…….thorn in my side! Love the owners but have thought about burning that place down a few times! I think I've made a car payment to that place a few times! What happened to street hockey????

7….My TV and computer are held hostage for a week. Now I love both those things and I have never learned to share! Making deals to get on my TV and my computer kind of sucks!

8…The fact that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I have night owls! Crazy night owls. I look forward to my down time at night when everyone is asleep. No one sleeps in this house! They out last me. No time to relax at all this week.

9…..Duck Dynasty. Now I love me some good reality TV. But my God you can only watch so many episodes of the same show before you want the be in that beaver house they blow up on that show!

10…..I think this one is most parents all time thorn in the side! How many times can you stand them saying…"I'm bored, what are we doing today". "Bored, really?????? You have TVs in your room, bikes, friends over, Xbox, iPhones…..need I say more". What's boring is going on a road trip in the 70's counting how many out of state licence plates you can find! This generation wouldn't last two minutes in the 70's!

Ok I got that off my chest! I feel like I lifted ten pounds off. Wouldn't it be great if bitching was a calorie burner. I might be anorexic.

So now to my busted story. I was driving my kids around. Your shocked right??? My sister called. I was just so thankful for her in my last post but was also bitching that she never picks up her phone or calls! Well she called at the most awful time! She's a crazy health nut. Always bitching at me about poisoning my kids with bad food decisions. GMO's , fast food, sugar, and so on! Let me defend myself a bit. Her generation was more informed about this stuff. I'm a creature of habit….bad ones…plus I'm an ignorance is bliss gal! So I happen to be in MC Donald's drive through when she calls. I tell her to hold while I quietly try to order two extra large sodas and a double cheese burger. I get by with that. Then I pull up to the window. The guy handing me my super sized soda says…."You again" and laughs. I reply.."busted". She can hear what's going on. She is like "what are you busted for"??? I say "we are at McDonald's".  I say.."The guy knows us". She is like…"Are you kidding me, that is so ridiculous". I say "We are from a small town, everyone knows everyone". She is like.."OMG, Kerry, you are poisoning your kids, when are you going to stop???". I'm like.."damn the sodas are only a dollar for the giant ones, and we are from a small town". She is like…"that's pathetic".

So I was telling my mom…aka…Debbie Downer the story. What does Debbie say??????? "Ya know that big wig from MC Donald's who ate that since he was 14 died of colon cancer". Waaaa, waaa, waaa!!!!!