Friday, December 28, 2012

People are crabby

This is a picture of my sweet niece. She is coming for a visit in January. Thank God the world didn't end the other day. I feel bad for all the people who spent way too much money preparing for the end. I can't say I didn't worry but I do believe only God knows when the world will end. I still have lots of pink shit to buy for her still. I guess I get so excited because I have three boys. I have never been able to buy pink shit before. Her voice and personality kills me. My Mom says I had a funny little voice just like her when I was a kid. I seriously can't wait to see her. She is the best thing ever. I love that she loves to come see us too.

So today I went to Bed Bath and Beyond to exchange my magic bullet. When I opened it I realized it was the nutribullet that I wanted. I got there and went up to the customer service counter. They took my magic bullet and told me to go get the nutibullet and come back. I don't know about you but when I think about what a "magic bullet" is I do not think fruit and veggie juicer. It's an odd name to say the least. I have had a few magic bullets before but never one that made healthy juices. Sign of the times for me. Sign of the times that I'm getting old. The fact that I want juicing magic bullet rather than a true "magic bullet" kind of sucks. Back to my story. So I go around the store and find the nutibullet and some reading glasses. Another sign of the time. I go back to customer service. Now there is a huge line. So there are two cashiers and one line. So I'm minding my own business when the lady in front of me turns around to talk to me. She looks at me with her crabby ass face and says..."Do you know this is one line for both these cashiers????". I look at her and say..."Yes, I know that, why do you ask????". She looks at me with her crabby face and says..."It looks like your trying to cut the line because your cart is moving in the direction of that cashier". I look at her with this odd face. Mostly because I'm shocked at what she just said. So I say....."Seriously?". She looks at me with her crabby face and says.."Sure looks your trying to cut the line". So I pull my cart back and ask her if that makes her feel better. She rolls her eyes at me and says.."Yes". I'm thinking in my head lady needs to get laid...Oh wait no one wants to lay a crabby bitch. My Dad had told me before that I always need to get the last word. So I'm stewing thinking of lots of not so nice things to say to her. I can't let her get the last word especially after she accused me of being a line cutter. I think for a minute about what I'm going to say. I'm thinking.....Jeez...were in Bed Bath and Beyond...it's not like I'm some teenager at an amusement park trying to cut the line. I then say..."Hey Lady, before you make an fool of yourself and accuse someone of cutting the line maybe you should be sure that they are in fact cutting the line". She looks at me and says again..."Sure looked like you were trying to cut". Holy Shit....is this women for real??????  At this point the manager walks over to me to take me to another line. Not because he knows I'm fighting with the lady in front of me, but because they are trying to get the line moving. But damn it that crazy crabby lady got the last word. I kind of hate that...so much so that I wanted to chase her in the parking lot to fight more....And I wonder where Cole got that annoying trait from.


When the manager took me to the new line they asked for my receipt. I thought I had it but I had the wrong one. He told the girl to ring it as a no receipt sale. So she rang it and I got full credit for it even though I had a 20 percent off coupon when I bought those. So I got full credit and had another 20 percent coupon for the exchange....score!!!! My evil mind makes me think. I think if I was a single mom with no money I could go buy something really expensive here with a 20 percent coupon. I could then return it the next day with a no receipt exchange and get more money back then I spent. I could feed my kids with the extra money. Because Karma haunts my world I have felt really guilty about the whole thing the rest of the day.

After Bed Bath and Beyond I headed back to Drippin. I called my Dad...aka..Grumps on my way back. I wanted to find out when he planned on bringing my niece...aka..the golden jerk to Texas. We had a really long conversation. This is rare because Grumps is no phone talker. I think I may just be his favorite...besides "Golden Jerk". This is going to chap Twisty's ass for sure. When I got into Drippin I went to home depot to get the 75 percent off Xmas decorations. They had NOTHING left. Then I headed to the HEB...aka...grocery store. I went to get stuff for my new nutibullet. Oh yes, I bought frickin hormone cream too. Sign of the times.  On my way out there was this sweet old guy. He said.."Oh my looks like you shopped a lot and have a lot to load". I laughed and said.."Always". He asked if I needed any help. I politely said I would be fine. He says.."Have a good weekend pretty girl". That was nice after my encounter with the crabby lady.

My night ended with meeting some friends for a drink and some food. It was good to see them. I miss my friends since my kids occupy most of my time now. I'm back home blogging now. Since it's Christmas break fights are erupting around me. My kids are seriously fighting over the bathroom right now. Hubs is asleep and I want to pull my hair out. A little more than one more week to go...counting the days.

On a final note...one of my friends I met out was laughing about this blog. She said.."Your grammar is God awful". I love that about her. Honest friends are the best friends. We laughed about it. So I feel the need to say sorry for bad grammar. I got a comment from someone named Shari on here last night. Whenever I get a comment I'm waiting for a hater. Someone who tells me I suck. I guess because I read other blogs who have so many hater comments. She was not a hater....she was so sweet and has a one year old. I looked up her blogs she has two. I'm thinking she is from my home town in Chicago judging by one of her blogs. Thank you Shari for not being a hater. Oh yes, and good luck to you when that one year old hits the teen years. Enjoy those sweet baby moments because they go super fast. I'm starting to sound like one of those old ass annoying people with all those old ass sayings that happen to be true. So here I sit tonight thinking about my magic juicer, reading glasses, and hormone creams...hoping they all do what they claim to do.....Sign of the times!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Cole show

Sometimes I think this kid should have his own reality show....Drama, Drama, Drama! He was at a sleepover last night. Thank you Jesus. So I took advantage and went out after Christmas shopping. I guess since I didn't get to go all out this year. I bought lots of 75 percent off Christmas stuff. I got home trying to hide it all from Hubs. He's having a fit because I want to put our new house in the Christmas house walk for charity next year. While I'm coming up with creative spots to hide Xmas crap I hear my phone start to buzz. It's Cole...

Cole....Mom can my friends spend the night. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. (Mind you he spent the night with them last night)
Me...Your Dad has to work, he will kill me. Aidan and his friend woke him up at 3am last night.
Cole...He is your husband what's he going to do hurt you? I don't think so.
Me....Awfully brave on your phone smart A.
Cole....Mom you always do this. You have to trust me on this one. We will be responsible and quiet. u don't understand that you always do this. U say my friends are over a lot They have not been over this whole year. Dad will not even know. (this one blows me away on so many levels. One is he crazy his friends are over a lot. I have done my fair share of sleepovers. Dad will never know....that's a good one.)
Me....No response.
Cole...HELLO, PLEASE...DID YOU FORGET YOU HAVE A SON? (UM, NO how could I)
ME....You just spent the night together, we can do it Saturday when Dad doesn't have to work in the AM.
Cole.....NO PLEASE, MOM, did you not read my text. U have turned into a mean mom. Now we don't like you as much cause all you do is say NO, NO, NO.
ME....Hey Brave texting boy, after that text you are grounded and your phone is mine...Dad is on the way to get you. Your play date just got cut short because of you.
Cole....MOM, PLEASE LET US SPEND THE NIGHT...(seriously?????)
Me...NO RESPONSE.

So I send Hubs to get him. I have his phone now and I'm reading all his messages. Thank God his are still really boring. So Hub's is over on the computer and I'm watching shit TV and scrolling the phone. Hubs says.."What are we doing for New Years?" I say.."No, definite plans, we have been invited a few places, maybe we should party hop". He says..."What about the kids?". I say "What about them?" He says..."Shouldn't we do something with them?" I say.."As in hang out with them New Years night". He says.."Yes" I ask..."Are you dying and you haven't told me yet?". I have truly never heard him say anything like this before about New Years. He says..No, but they are not going to want to hang with us much longer and I don't see them that much". I say.."Well I see them all the time and I'm alright with them not wanting to hang out much longer". He says.."No, really Kerry I'm being serious". I say.."I am too, we can see them another night". Remember I spend way too much time in the car with these kids. Now we have had kids for fifteen years, I can't remember ever really hanging with them on New Years. That an our anniversary are kid free nights. He says.."I'd really like to hang out with them this year". I say..."Yeah kiddie cocktails, lots of white noise, and I'm sure some fights we will be breaking up". I get it...He does have to work the next day.

Hubs is in bed now. Blake the not so charming prince is texting me from upstairs. He wants a ride to a friends house to stay over. It's 11:21. I text...NO! He text PLZ, PLZ. I'm not even responding. It's like they think I'm their personal limo driver. I already drove him and his girlfriend to the mall earlier today. That "I'm not going to take it" song is in my head. A teenager of the 80's I truly am. Cole walks up and wants to see my phone since his is gone. I ask for what. He says he wants to talk to the Siri lady. I give it to him for a minute. He's trying to get her to answer a football question. I guess he does not like the answer. He is seriously arguing with the iPhone lady. Saying things like "OH My Gosh, I told you that's not the answer I'm looking for" and "Your not hearing what I'm saying Siri". I finally tell him to give me the phone back because I'm tired of listening to him. He's like "but she's not giving me the right answer". I say.."I got that, but you realize your not arguing with a real person and she is obviously going to keep giving you that answer that is the way she is programed".  He's like.."What do you mean she's not a real person???". Then he says..."How does she talk then mom...duh...of course she is real". I think I may just have a cocktail tonight!!!!! I don't know why but after writing this one I feel the need to say...I do really love my kids that means Cole too. Even if I'm the mean Mom. You will not see me posting anything crazy on facebook like...."I really love having my kids home for Xmas break". Sometimes I roll my eyes at those post...mostly because of jealously. I want to be that mom. I'm sure I will feel that way when their in college or maybe if I take that Xanex the doctor gave me months ago. As of now a few hour break during the day from them helps me be a better mom.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

It has come and gone once again.

 So Christmas has come and gone once again. Thumbs up for me this year. No one cried over what the other one got. I seemed to hit the nail on the head with most gifts. I bought the wrong shoes for Aidan but we exchanged those tonight. He picked these crazy Nike shoes. They were so strange that when the not so charming prince saw him he laughed in his face. He said it looked like he was wearing giant highlighters on his feet. They happen to be the exact color of the yellow highlighter marker. I was thinking they looked like clown shoes. I made him go into the bathroom with me when we got home. I turned out the lights I thought for sure these suckers would glow in the dark. They didn't though. I think if Nike is going to make the most obnoxious highlighter color shoes they should at least glow in the dark. Now if somewhere down the line if you see Nike glow in the dark highlighter shoes they stole that shit from me!!!! I better "Google" and see if they actually make them before I shit talk too much. Just "googled" glow in the dark Nike. Sure as shit they got em. Disregard my Nike shit talking....I in fact did not just come up with the next big thing.
 We were opening presents one night before we left for Dallas. I asked the kids to get in funny PJ's. The little guys were all for it. The not so charming prince was having no part of it. I talked him into it. Well really I told him he had to or he could not open a gift. I'm just trying to get him to stop trying to grow up so fast. I would give Hubs left nut to be a kid in footy jams again. Of course he had to try to make them look as cool as he could. Wish I had those stomach muscles. These people I live with ruined any chance at those now. BTW, he did get those from me. I once had those in a far, far, away land.
 Cole was rocking my Grinch robe. Deb Downer bought me this robe years ago when I was pregnant with one of these people. I think it was Pig Pen. There is a picture of me in this robe the night before I had him. I showed him this picture once and told him that was him in my belly. His response was one I still get a chuckle at. He asked why I ate him. Cole...aka...Drama was there when he said that. Cole...aka...Drama says..."Hey Stupid, God put you in her belly she did not eat you! I did not eat him but I sure as shit ate a ton of yummy cheese burgers and drank a ton of milkshakes.
 We had a super busy weekend before we left for Dallas. We had a Christmas party Saturday night. Since it was the husbands birthday they had some adult entertainment at the party. The kind that I fed Hubs as many drinks as I could so he would pass out while I got my PJ's on. It was not a baby Jesus kind of Christmas party. I would post pictures but I don't need to lose anymore friends over this stupid blog. The next day we had a gingerbread contest party. This was our first year to get invited to this event. Pig Pen's friends Grandma host this event. I connected with her right when I met her. She is from Chicago so of course we hit it off. Lots to talk about...Like good pizza and Garrett's popcorn. This party was a blast. She gets everyone a ginger house. Then all the people invited bring different kinds of candy to share. She has a judge in a Judges coat. She has trophies. She had good food...lots of good food. I never used to be a foodie, lately food excites me on a new level. You can tell by looking at me.
 It was even more fabulous when my ginger house won!!!!!!!! I'm creative like that...tooting my own horn about now.  After this party we headed to a friends house for an appetizer party with a few couples. Food, Food, and more Food!!!!! Let the holiday pounds pack on. At this party someone brought one of those dance games. I happen to be the queen of beating people at this game.....well most people. There are a few who have beat me. I will not name names though. So there I am shit talking. I couldn't beat a sophomore boy to save my life. Really????? taken down by a sophomore boy....I'm so practicing before I rematch that sucker. I will rematch and win next time. Dude was dancing all day on that game. I call foul play! You may be a sore loser if you complain when a kid beats you.
 I'm thinking my future is so bright I need to wear shades. I'm back from a way too short trip to Dallas. Damn it but Hubs is out of vacation. Too bad he can't be like me watching housewives and eating bon bons all day. BTW, Hub's got me these shades for Christmas. It's my first nice set of shades. I'm sure he will regret it when I lose them or step on them like I do with most shades. When I was on the phone with Deb Downer on the way home I told her about my new shades. She laughed and asked if he was crazy. He's just trying to dodge more cheese fry melt downs at this point.

We had a great time in the big "D" even if it was too short. I had a great time with MiMi. I had some great talks with Lindz. Joey is always a laugh. Dude has a good one liner for everything. Tracy cooked a great meal...I swear she's missing her calling. It's always good to see Jeff. I got to see my niece who I haven't seen in a long time plus Blair and Mandy. She's as adorable as ever. So wish God would have blessed me with a girl. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade these boys I live with but a girl would be nice in the mix. Thank God I have two nieces even if I cussed the shit out of their parents when they had them. At least my girly self can now shop for girly gifts. Plus I only laugh at their girl drama.

So tonight I'm back home after a traffic filled drive back from the big "D".  Pig Pen talked me into a sleep over. My kids have had more sleepovers than I ever did as a kid. They are still up just complaining....do they ever tire out??? I'm blogging and watching housewives. Hubs is sleeping cause he has to work. Life is hard for me. I'm also thinking about New Years resolutions. Wondering if I can follow through with them. It's the same old, same old. Be a better Mom...Until they piss me off, be a better wife until he pisses me off, take better care of myself until I need a beer, eat better till I pass a cheeseburger joint, and be a better friend, until I shit talk someone, because most people give us  something to talk shit about. I'm really working on all of that. I do believe the older I get that most of us talk a little shit here and there. We all think we are judge Judy. I know people talk a little shit about me. That song "Let's give them something to talk about" comes to mind. I do think we talk shit to make ourselves feel better. I'm missing spending my Christmas in Chicago even if my Christmas in "D" was good. In a perfect world I would have all my important people together during the holidays. Universe do you hear me???? I don't know about you but I make resolutions with every intention of following through....then life gets in the way. Once again I should not post this till I proof read. I'm lazy though....working on that too. I'm a work in progress for sure. Hope everyone had a great Christmas.....I hit an all time high with readers on here this month. Not sure where you all are coming from but I hope it's not all the people "googling" boys private parts. Not sure why this takes "googlers" to my blog but my news feed lets me know everyday that there are lots of pervs out there. I thank you for reading my way too honest rants and putting up with bad writing and grammar...some day when I have time to myself, I will take a writing class.  Cheers, everyone!

Nothing like getting thrown under a bus on xmas

 So here's the story......Xmas eve morning I woke up tired as hell from a weekend filled with xmas parties. I had a sugar low for sure. Mix that with mental pause and packing for four people and I was a hot mess. So I told my kids at least ten times to get the crap they wanted packed. I told them to brush their teeth ten times as well. Hubs was out running errands while we dragged ass. He calls and asks if were ready. He tells me he will pick up something to eat before we get on the road. He gets home with sonic burgers and cheese fries for everyone. We are all at the kitchen table. I'm having a frickin hot flash ready to stick my head in the freezer when Blake...aka the not so charming prince decides to throw all the crap he doesn't want on his cheeseburger in the trash. I look over and see him doing this in the trash that has no bag in it. Now I have to say before I tell this next part that I have already had many fights over stupid things with them. So I look over and see this and say.."What the hell Blake, do you not see that there is no bag in there???". Then I say he is acting like an idiot. Hubs who has not been here for the packing and teeth brushing fights says.."Kerry, Really, you just called him an idiot?". He tells me that is un called for in front of him. This chaps my ass! I have a big problem with this even if I may have been wrong calling him an idiot. My parents always took each others sides right or wrong in front of us kids. So I'm pissed. A few minutes later I ask Hubs a question about the errand he was running to get a gift card for his mom. I ask if he got the gratuity included in the gift card he just picked up. He shrugs his shoulders. I say it's a yes or no question. He says.."I'm eating". I say again it's a yes or no question. He says..."What's the big deal?". I'm thinking....Damn it it's a yes or no question. Remember when I write this next part I'm having a hot flash, I have had a God awful morning trying to get the kids packed, and I'm in mental pause. So my cheese fries happen to going flying. I wanted to throw them at Hubs head but I throw them past his head at the wall. They fly everywhere. I leave the room after this and head to the bathroom. I cry...because I really wanted those cheese fries and I'm hungry.

So I'm in the bathroom crying over the fact that I just threw the cheese fries I really wanted at the wall. Hubs walks in. He looks at me and says..."I don't know what that was, but that's not you". He says.."I don't know what to tell the kids what that was". Then he says.."I'm telling you as your friend that your kids are confused and will not respond to that kind of behavior". I look at him and tell him "you have to have my back good or bad and you didn't, you corrected me in front of Blake which teaches him to not respect what I'm saying". He says.."I get that but you can't call him an idiot". I say.."He was being an idiot though". He says.."I get that, but you still cannot call him that...it's not right". I say.."I get that, but you have to have my back because I always come back down and explain myself and say sorry". We argue some more. I tell him I'm not going to Dallas. I don't mean it I'm just pulling the girl card and trying to make my point. That I'm not going to take being treated like one of his kids. So we end up in the joyful car ride to Dallas. Were both mad but we make the best of it. Hubs put headphones on to tune us all out. I play a game on my iPhone. The kids are on best behavior because they know I'm super close  to insanity. I look over at Hubs and ask a question. He ignores me because of those damn headphones. So I put my hand up in front of me and act like I'm talking to it. I have a whole conversation with my hand, Hubs looks over and laughs and then continues to sing whatever song he is listing too. And he wonders why I'm close to insanity!
So we get to Dallas. We are unpacking the car. Cole brought his Xbox and realizes he forget his controllers. Who gets the blame..me of course. I seem to get the blame for everything that goes wrong. Michael's Mom made a super sweet speech after dinner and then gave us very generous gifts. So generous that my youngest offered to give her some back. Love that about him! After she makes her speech Cole..aka..Drama decides he needs to say something. It starts out really sweet. He is telling how much he loves his family, tells the story about how Michael and I met, he says how thankful he is that we met. He talks about how they will all have kids and keep the family going. It was super proud for a moment. Then Aidan gets in the mix. Between Cole and Aidan they tell the cheese fry story they not only tell the cheese fry story they also tell a story that happened years ago. A story about Michael And I in a fight in the car after a vacation. Hello, wish I could put my head in the sand somewhere! Note to self......Never fight or do something that you don't want told on you in front of your kids. Hello, did I not teach you kids about the vault!!!!! Geez, xmas has been really embarrassing thanks to my kids with no filter. I mean really they had to tell the cheese fry story! I was an asshole, which should be in the family vault....not so much with these kids.   So I'm tired, going to bed no proof reading happened in this post,,,so sorry! It is a hot mess...that's my life with these people  I live with!!!!!

Monday, December 24, 2012

Karma

So if your a regular reader you know that Hubs actually thought a vacuum would be an appropriate Christmas gift for me. I don't know about you but I would never think a vacuum was a Christmas gift I would ever find under my tree. At first I told him it was fine followed by I would be getting him a no sex card for a very long time. So after that I knew there was no way in hell a vacuum would be under my tree....at least for me. So I went out and got him one as a Christmas gift instead. He laughed when he opened it. We were on our way out to a neighborhood Christmas party right before I gave him this fabulous gift. I really thought I was sticking it to him. Making a point. What I wasn't expecting was the fact that he couldn't wait to get it out of the box and use it. He was weirdly excited about it. Telling me to look at the vacuum marks it was making on the carpet. I would really be worried if he told me not to walk on the vacuum marks. Then he was making it look so fun he told me to try it. I tried it for a minute and was pleasantly surprised at how easily it road across the carpet. Then I thought he is tricking me. I set that damn sucker down. He picked it right up and carried on like a kid in a candy shop. Expecting a no sex for a long time from him in return. I know there is no way in hell I'm getting that. He is the kind of guy who has this line when I have a bad day.....It goes something like this. I will say.."I had an awful day with your kids". Instead of saying something like "Go get out, spend a ridiculous about of money on yourself, and get yourself a hotel to do naked bed angels by yourself". He says..."Ya know what you need?????". I think the last thing I need is to do something else!!!! I guess cause I'm the only girl in the house he thinks I think like a dude. I still have tots the last time I checked! I dream of naked bed angels by myself and shit TV after a bad day. I guess dudes think of something totally different. I'm not a dude and will never be one!!!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Where did the romance go?

 I decided to let the kids open one gift each tonight! That's because I'm a sucker for spreading Christmas cheer. Plus I think they appreciate it more when they don't open everything at once.
 Aidan...aka...pig pen who has the most gifts under the tree picked his very carefully. Of course he picked the only package that could have been a bat. I hid that way in the back under other presents and only put it out earlier today. Guess someone has been inspecting gifts under the tree! At least he looks happy!
 Blake...aka..the not so charming prince refused to take a normal picture. Kid is lucky he has anything under the tree.
Then there is Cole..aka...Drama. He actually asked for the least amount of things. He told me to save my money. When he said that I honestly said..."Who are you?". So he picked up one gift and said "No, that's not it". I said.."How do you know?". He says..."You don't want to know". I say.."No, really how do you know you don't want that one?". He says.."While you were watching TV I snuck the gifts behind the sofa and peeked at them". I say.."Really cause they were all wrapped". He says..."I pulled the tape back and then I coded the one I wanted to open first with a sharpie". That sharpie thing is kind of brilliant. Doesn't anyone like a surprise around here????? Oh yes, I do! The only surprise I seem to get are the ones that wait for me in my toilets.

So this am was the last day of sanity for me kind of! It was the last day of school before the two week Christmas break kind of. I say kind of because Aidan's "Holiday party" as they like to call it now was at 8am. Anyone who knows me knows I like to get the kids to school and go back to bed. So the idea of an 8am holiday party is not my idea of fun. Especially the ones you can take your kids home after. Then the middle school and high school got out at noon. After spending an hour in pick up lines and traffic I was home with more kids than I birthed! Yeah it's Christmas break! I already have a headache.

Shortly after I'm home I get a text from Hubs. It reads.."Are we exchanging for Christmas and if so what do you want?". I text back.."Surprise me". He text.."Your hard to buy for". I text.."We are married for 17 years think of something".  Then I text.."I had no problem finding you a gift". He text..."Give me an idea". Then he text.."So and Sos wife took pictures for him". I text..."Oh I'll send you some pictures no problem"..."BTW, I think either you or so and so is full of shit". (The pictures he is thinking I'll send him are not the ones on my mind right now) He text.."Your so difficult". I text.."I'm simple if you listen". He text..."How about a vacuum?".  I text.."OK". He text.."Seriously, then I need the cost co card back". I text.."You buy me a vacuum you just bought yourself a no sex card for a very long time". He text..."Just Kidding then". I text.."I have an idea, pretend you have a very hot new girlfriend that your trying to impress and pretend your shopping for her". No response!!!! About an hour later I get a text from my sister...it says.."Your husband text me and asked what you want for Xmas". Priceless!!!! Where did the romance go????


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Time to make the cookies

 So I was feeling guilty about last nights blog post. I decided we should probably make some Christmas cookies. Keep at least some traditions going. Aidan...aka...pig pen always wants to help. His pig pen name holds true once again. While making a new chocolate chip recipe from pinterest I mess it up. I got ahead of myself and put the wrong measurements in. When I cook I follow several recipes that I usually mesh together. I don't really follow the measurements either. That usually works great for cooking. Baking not so much. So I'm trying to get the messed up measurement out. I have done this before. It never ends well. My cookie dough is in the fridge, we will see tomorrow if they taste alright. I don't have high hopes for this batch.
 Pretzel Rolo bites are Aidan's favorite thing to make. This year I let him do it all. The problem with these suckers are they are expensive to make. These people I live with don't just eat one, they eat ten. They don't last long at all.
 Aidan's finished product. His wife will thank me someday. Speaking of Aidan. Today I picked him up from school. I said my normal.."How was your day". He shrugged his shoulders and looked down at a note in his hand. I say.."What's that in your hand?". He says..Nothing". Followed by a sigh. I say.."Can I see what your holding?". I'm thinking he got a bad grade or something. He takes his school work very serious. It bothers the hell out of him when he does not get an A. Yes, I have one of those!!!! Thank you Jesus! He's still looking down at the note. He says."I guess" and hands it over. I'm a little shocked at what I see. It's a note from a girl. It reads......."Just going to tell you I'm breaking up with you. We can still be friends!!!! Maybe if you don't do all the weird things we can get back together. So yeah your prowldy (My guess she's trying to spell probably) never going to change". I laugh for so many reasons. He looks at me and says.."Why are you laughing?". I say "first of all I'm pretty impressed by this girls writing". She only had one misspelling. She had capitals and good punctuation. He says.."That is what your thinking?". I say..."Well yes that and so many other things". First I say..."When did you get a girlfriend and why am I finding out from a breakup note?". He says.."She asked me out yesterday". I laugh again. I say "So she asked you out yesterday and broke it off today???". He says.."Yep". I say.."What's her name?". She never sighed the break up note! He tells me her name. I have no idea who she is. I ask what he is doing that is so weird and then I say.."tell me your not that guy who acts all crazy and goofy when you like someone". He says.."No, Mom!!!!! I just ate chips and dipped them in BBQ sauce and it grossed her out". I laugh again. Then I ask him if he feels bad about it. He says.."A little". I say..."Don't feel bad, there are many fish in the sea, some are goldfish, some are alligator gars, some are hammerhead sharks, some are snappers, some are blow fish. He looks at me funny and says.."Girls are fish?". I say "Yes, stick with the goldfish and stay away from any of the shark species". He laughs and says he doesn't know what kind of fish she is. I say "by her letter I would say she is a snapper". She is smart judging by the note, she is fickle and that's alright, She doesn't like something and she snaps and bolts. He laughs. I say.."Don't go telling her I called her a snapper fish, I don't want an angry mommy phone call". He says.."I got your back mama". I laugh and say I got your back too!

So the note. Lets analyze this! Girl has a lot to learn. Breakup notes are never good. Do it in person. That proves you have character, that is a good trait to have.  I love the drama in the 4th grade for God sakes. Friends???? Boys are never well almost never friends with girls who break up with them. Maybe years later after they find a better girl. Change??? I laugh just writing that down. I'm a girl, I have been there wanting to "Change" a guy. I once even tried to change a gay guys mind. He would have been my perfect mate. All caring, super good looking(aren't most of them) loving a good outfit, loving some good gossip, digging shopping, bitching, noticing a good haircut, being honest about a bad hair color, and the drama...We all want to "Change" our guys into our perfect mate!!!! It's why a lot of us women love the book 50 shades of dirty!!!! Damn girl changes that guy who happens to shit money too!  We can't change them.....UNFORTUNATELY!!! It sucks I know. We can change them maybe a little when they want something from us or when we really get mad at them. Then they go back to that un-changed guy after. So you better like the guy you pick good or bad. Your not changing him. So girlfriend....word...if eating something weird is the worst thing you can say about my son then good luck to you. Spoken like a true Mama bear! I hope you know I'm joking since this is a 4th grade non romance! I'm still laughing at the fact that my 4th grader got a break up note. I guess he is not too heart broken since he came home and showed Blake...aka...the not so charming prince and Blake's girlfriend the note and laughed about it. Wait Blake doesn't have a girlfriend. He corrects me every time I say that. He says it's a "thing"! This "thing" has gone on and off since the 6th grade. I may be old school but I would not like being referred to as a "thing". I complain to him about this a lot. He tells me that she calls him her "thing" too. From where I'm standing this "thing" is not going away anytime soon. This "thing" seems to have him wrapped around her finger. I really like the "Thing" for now. Ask me if the "thing" is still around in a few years. No seriously if this "thing" stayed around I would be alright because for some reason they seem to connect in a way that is really sweet. I'm kind of  proud of the fact that all my boys seem to be very loyal to the girls they pick. Cole is in 6th and has liked the same girl since 1st grade. Blake is a freshman and has liked the same girl since 6th grade. As far as Aidan this is the first "girlfriend" and it only lasted a day! He may be a little more like me than I hoped! When I was much younger. My Dad teased me about making a calender of the boyfriend of the month for me. Now I have been married 17 years...who knew! Not Dad..aka..Grumps!
So any who, this last picture was a pinterest recipe. It's a saltine cracker bottom, then you boil brown sugar and butter. You put the sugar thing over the saltines. Place it in the oven till it boils. Then you put semi sweet chocolate over the top and spread once it melts. Looks good right??? Not so good...way too sweet. If I do it over I would melt milk chocolate over the top. I'm not in the mood for a do over though. I so should turn this blog into a Pinteresting recipe blog.

Final note....I wish my not so charming prince could fast forward to his 30 something life. He would get why I get mad at him and understand why I say and do the things I do. I wish my 6th grader would just chill out as far as being stressed out over finals. I only expect him to do the best he can. The fact that he was up till midnight last night stressing makes me sad and happy at the same time. I love that he cares but I don't want him to care so much he can't sleep. Then there is my Aidy baby as I like to call him. This kid fears the world in a way I would never wish on my worst enemy. I want him to relax and smell the roses. Then there is Hubs my wish for him is that he could relax and smell the roses too! He is a good man. I was taken back a few days ago when I got a text from him that asks if I thought he was a good Dad because he was second guessing himself. I text back Of course your a good Dad otherwise I would have kicked you to the curb. He text back that he feels that sometimes he gets mad when our kids are just trying to be kids and doing kid things. I text back..they really suck sometimes and I know what your talking about....damn them for not acting like perfect adults. Then there is me. My thought about me is I would like to go to a celebrity rehab for thirty days. Not cause I have a drinking problem...I can fake it though. I want to go for the massages, meditation, and therapy. Then I want to come back and have a re-do with these kids!  Really who knew raising kids would be so hard. You not only have to feed them but you have to raise them to be good hearted, hardworking, acceptable adults. I guess what I'm trying to say is my biggest hope is my kids will end up healthy first of all. they will end up doing something in life that has meaning and makes them happy, and they will end up with someone who has their back and gives them joy. That is all I ask! I know they will endure disappointments, and heartache on their way. That is a part of life.  But I only hope they find something or someone who completes them. I'm getting a little too sappy for my taste so I will stop. I think I'm half way there living on a prayer. Thank you Bon Jovi for that! Again too tired to proof read! My blog is what it is. Think of all the bad writing as life. Not so perfect!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Spreading Christmas cheer

 I haven't been on here lately. It's because I've been busy spreading Christmas cheer. Fighting traffic, buying gifts for overindulged kids, hanging in malls with people beaming with holiday cheer(insert sarcasm) and singing Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La, La,La at the top of my lungs! I'm not sure why but it seems like Christmas has come out of no where this year. I feel like Thanksgiving was just yesterday. I guess it's this getting old shit. We used to have all these Christmas traditions we would do. Looking at lights, baking cookies, making gingerbread houses, and decorating the house to the point where it looked like Xmas throw up in it. I'm sad to say we haven't done any of them and frankly my kids don't give a shit. As much as some of those things seemed like a big cluster fuck mess in the past, I'm sad those days are gone. Really!!!!! My kids have seen enough Xmas lights in Xmases past to be good for awhile. Though the younger ones seem to still be talking about the night my friend Kim took them to Santa's ranch. I guess they have just seen enough with me. I have tried to take them but they denied me every time. I even tried to get my newly retired Dad to bring my niece here so I could live through her for a while. Denied again. Ya know I call him Grumps for a reason. I am joking, anyone who knows my Dad knows he's the best Dad ever. See I'm Xmas cheery. My kids have finally realized my cookies don't taste like Grandma's. They have no interest in me blowing up the kitchen and bitching. Only to taste a cookie that looks good but just doesn't taste right. I can cook like a rock star but the baking thing I just can't get straight. The only thing I can get right are the pretzel rolo bits. You just need to not burn these bitches. Baking for dummies for sure! The gingerbread houses they haven't brought up. I'm alright with that. I don't miss those. The decorating was a hot mess this year since most of Xmas is lost in storage somewhere. We are in rental while building a dream house. I think I have false memories of the kids decorating with me. When I really think about it, it was all me. Besides the cluster fuck of ornaments Aidan would put on the front of the tree. Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La, La!
 Tonight I pointed out to Hubs how beautiful my Christmas wrapping is. He looks at me and says it looks nice. I say..."Nice?". He's like..."Yea, it looks nice, what do you want me to say?". Well since you asked..."I want you to think like a girl". "I want you to notice the careful detail to the colors blending perfectly". "I want you to comment on the pretty bows". "I want you to notice there is no Xmas past wrapping paper mixed in to mess up the color scheme". He looks at me and laughs and says the color pallet looks good and walks away. Color pallet????? Is he serious??? He's trying to one up me with big words like color pallet. Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! There is one gift that bothers me under there though. Aidan insisted on wrapping one. It looks awful. I want to re- wrap it. I see it every time I walk by even though I tried to hide it. I can't re-wrap it because he is so proud of it. I don't want to break his spirit. Damn it if that badly wrapped gift isn't haunting my OCD brain.

After this I tell Hubs how mad I am because the bottom half of my pre-lite tree is no longer lit. We just bought it at Garden Ridge last year. Hub's told me to go get it after I had a meltdown when we set up our last pre-lite tree and only one strand came on. He says..."Your not getting another one". I know that! I just want a frickin pre-lite tree....to be pre-lite. Not half lite! Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
 Did I ever tell you I love my dog???? How cute is he. So tonight the dog sat under the tree. Licking his lips...missing my Xmas cookies. Are you laughing??? Dogs will eat shit for Gods sake! I sat on the sofa watching shit TV. I was watching "Private Practice". Charlotte was talking to her son who had just followed some school kids and made a bad decision. She told him don't be a sheep who follows...be a Shepard. So Blake..aka...the not so charming prince comes down. I steal that line. I say.."Hey Blake you should not be a sheep in life". He says.."what's a sheep?".   Typical teenage brain. I say "A sheep is a follower". I tell him to be a Shepard. Before he can say.."What's a Shepard?".  I tell him a Shepard is a leader. He looks up from his 11pm ramon noodle bowl and looks at me like I'm crazy. I tell him not to be the kind of Shepard who leads his sheep through the mud. Muddy sheep are not pretty, they are supposed to be white and stay clean. He drops his bowl on the counter and starts to walk away. I say..."Do you know what I'm trying to say here?". He gives me a head bob and points his finger at me. I say.."hey dude Shepard's put their bowls in the sink and rinse them". So he rinses it and off he goes, no words! Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La La!
Aidan..aka..pig pen has done a few things to amuse me this week. He has the biggest Xmas list of all my kids. Probably cause he is the spoiled baby. He has a huge list of baseball stuff. He happens to be that super smart kid. Not a lot gets by him. I think he is a secret Xmas spoiler. Every time I come home with a gift and hide it before I can wrap it, he ends up saying something about the thing I just bought. So one day I bought baseball gloves. I didn't have time to wrap them yet. I stuffed them in a drawer. That night he told me how bad he wanted gloves. I really didn't put two and two together yet. I just thought I was the rock star of Xmas. Next I bought a bucket of balls. No time to wrap I hide them in the boat. That night he told me how bad he wanted a bucket of balls. Even said the brand name I had bought him. Then I bought him a new baseball helmet that was not on his shit list. I hide it under the bed till I could wrap it. That night he says..."I really want a new baseball helmet". Alright cats out of the bag...kid is that crazy Xmas present finder. I say.."You are snooping at your presents aren't you?'. He looks at me and says..."You need to find better hiding spots". WOW, these gifts were all hid in different places. Places I thought they would never look. I don't know why I thought I could leave gifts un wrapped, I was that kid who snooped like a crazy person and knew everything I was getting Xmas morning. Which is how I found out Santa was a fictional character. At least I let my parents think I was surprised Xmas morning!  All I have to say is Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La.

Another Aidan story. So I found out something that happened to Blake this summer did not go down as I thought. I will not blog about it because I do have a small filter even though some people think I don't.  I was on the phone with Hub's going over all the reasons I should have never believed what him and his friends told us. This is my first run with a teenager. I should know from my teenage years that if something smells fishy it probably is. So Aidan later that night tells me he has a "theory" about what happened to Blake. He then repeats everything that I told Hubs over the phone. I tell him "You heard me on the phone with Dad and you stole my theory".  He is like.."No, I thought this for a long time and I'm just now telling you".  I tell him there is no way because you just repeated every word I told Hubs on the phone. He does this Charlie Brown line smile and says.."It's what I thought happened all along". I say..."Your such a story stealer and I have your number". He just walks away with nothing to say! That's what I thought "story stealer"!!!!!

Final note....I started doing Zumba three weeks ago. I'm doing Zumba four days a week. Three weeks and going strong. I love the class. It makes me not want to strangle my kids. It is a stress relief for sure. You would think after three weeks I would shed a pound. Not so much! I have not lost a pound even though I leave there as if I just got out of the shower. Bullshit I say! I sticking with it though. Even if some chick told me I need to change my diet to lose weight. I made a deal with God, If I work out I can eat and drink.  I'm busting my ass so I can eat at my age. This is new for me for sure. I was that girl who could eat and not work out before 40 hit. I refuse to be the fat friend...so I'm sticking with this even if my new found belly is sitting in my lap as I write! Who knew...Oh yes all the assholes who told me it would catch up to me! I have to say...I'm not going to proof read cause It took me a long time to write so it is what it is...judge away! Someday when my Mama quiets work she will proof read and re write for me!

Friday, December 14, 2012

It's a sad day for our nation today.

I was raised to believe in God. I do believe in God. I was also raised to believe God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. I have been confused by that last belief many times in my life. The older I get and the more I see the more that confuses me. After the shootings that happened in Connecticut I am more confused than ever by that belief. How does a parent survive after something so horrific happens to their baby. How could God possibly give you something like that to handle. Why do things like this happen. All I know is tonight I want to know why God would allow something like this. I find myself questioning God. I crazy hate when I question God. I hope tonight there is a God and reason. I can't see a reason for this right now. I have some faith that there is a reason that we do not understand yet. How could a human being be not only cruel enough to harm his Mother but also harm so many children. I really would have never even thought the devil could be that cruel. I don't believe I could survive my child being taken away in such an awful way. My heart really goes out to anyone who is involved in this.

I get that the media needs to report on this. I do not believe that they should show all the pictures of the horrified parents and children. I think they should have a little privacy during this time. Sometimes I think the media exploits people like this. As I was watching the news coverage I couldn't help but think, I sure wouldn't want anyone filming me or taking pictures if I had been through this.

I can't even imagine what a scene like this would look like to the police officers that were called in. My stomach feels sick when I think about the kids, teachers, parents, and police officers. Makes me mad that people go through and see things like this. These parents probably have gifts under the tree for these kids and plans for Christmas. Not to mention all the hopes and dreams they have for their babies futures. The most heartbreaking thing I heard on the news was when the kids were taken to the fire station. The parents were there to reunite with their kids. Can you even fathom what it would be like when the last child's name was called and you are still standing there without yours. The thing that bothered me most of all about this thing was the shooter. He couldn't have shot them all at once. So he saw the terror on the kids faces after they had seen other kids shot and still shot them. Could someone possibly have not one ounce of sensitivity? It really boggles my mind and shocks me. Bad things happen to kids everyday. They get their feeling hurt, they get sick, and sometimes they get so sick that they are going to die. Anytime something bad happens to an innocent child it is heartbreaking. As bad as all those things are those kids have their loved ones there taking care of them and making those situations as good as they can. It bothers me that these kids did not have their loved ones there, they were probably scared to death, and this horrible person didn't care at all. I feel for the ones who were the last to go. I hope God is taking good care of them tonight. Life is a gift, I am reminded of that today. I do not believe anyone involved in or close to that situation would agree with me on that now. I believe that life is hell on earth for them right now. I hope I never feel pain like that in my life. I have had my heart broken, my spirit broken, my trust broken, and my faith broken. I have never been broken to the point of no return though. So I will not be complaining about these people I live with tonight.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Did you grow a set of brass balls??

It's Cole's first year in middle school. With the start of middle school he gained a pretty big TUDE as in attitude. He has an answer for everything, not always a good one either. He seems to think I'm running a fast food drive through car pool. He pushes the envelop an awful lot. He starts fights with his big brother constantly with his smart mouth. When Blake goes after him it's hard on me. Blake is bigger than me now so I have a very hard time getting him off of him. I have found myself hiding in my closet in tears because I'm at my wits end. He is giving me a big run for the money. I hope my parents are getting a giggle. I'm finally getting what they wished on me when I gave them trouble. I have found myself saying the same kind of things I used to hate when they would say them to me. Like..."I can't wait till you have your own kids". "I hope your kid does this to you". "I hope you have a rotten kid someday". I guess he will get it when he has his own children. I just laughed as I wrote that. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

This kid has been passionate right from the start. This passion has its positives and negatives for sure. With all this being said he is also an amazing kid. He is the only one of my boys that hugs me and tells me he loves me everyday. He always knows if something is wrong and tries to help. He is a good and loyal friend. As much as he pisses me off he makes me proud too. He has a very caring heart. Now I just need to put my fighting gloves on and kick this TUDE in the ass. Cause when Mama is mad no one is happy.

It seems every time I get in the car with him he expects me to stop for food or drinks somewhere. I picked him up yesterday from school. He gets in the car and immediately starts complaining that he is starving. I tell him he can have something to eat at home. He asks me ten more times to stop. His friend is in the car too. I keep saying "NO". Then he is talking to himself out loud. Saying things like..."I can't believe my mom wants to starve me" and "SO and so's Mom would stop and get food". I'm thinking in my head..."I'd like to drop kick your ass out of my car right now and leave you on the side of the road". I don't want CPS at my door though. This talking to himself goes on and on. I finally lose my shit and yell at him. His response..."Mom, why are you so mad, all I want is some food". Really???? Kid just doesn't get it. So we drop his friend off. As soon as he gets out of the car Cole starts up. He says.."Mom, you are so embarrassing, you yelled at me in front of my friend". He tells me the kid is going to go to school and tell everyone he has the worst mom ever. I look at him and say...If your going to be the worst kid ever then I'm going to be the worst mom ever. I tell him the faster he gets that through is brain the better off we will be. That is if you don't starve to death first!!!!!!!! He looks at me and says..."Are you trying to say you want me to starve to death?". At this point I don't know if I want to scream as loud as I can or cry. He always has to have the last word. My Dad used to say one of the things that drove him nuts about me was I always had to have the last word. He said no matter how much trouble I was in I would push the envelop every time. I get all my Dads frustrations with that now. I'm paying for my raising as the old asses like to say.

Tonight he was pushing the envelope with Hubs. Hubs looks over at him and says...."Cole, stop your giving me a headache". Cole looks at him and says...."Michael, your giving me a headache too". I'm on the sofa and my mouth kind of drops open. I can't believe what he just said. I look over at Hubs who's face is about as red as a tomato. He is about to blow!!!!! I'm just going to sit back and enjoy this show for sure. I almost feel guilty that I'm going to enjoy watching this kid get his ass handed to him. After Hubs sets him straight. I go into his room. I say..."Pull down your pants". He looks at me funny probably cause I'm not a spanker. He says..."Why????". I say "I want to check if you have grown a set of brass balls".  He looks at me confused obviously my smart ass remark is over his head. He is a work in progress for sure. I have confidence that this is a middle school faze. The thing is when your kid acts up it makes you feel like your failing as a parent. I love this kid with all my heart. I'm not going to let him down.

With my little rant about him I have to say all his teachers say he is amazing. I always hear what a great kid he is. He has great manors most of the time. I believe something happens to children when they get to middle school. It's almost like an evil twin tries to take over. It's my job as a parent to put the evil twin to rest. God give me strength. I am surprised it happened right out of the middle school gate with him. This didn't start with Blake till 8th. Guess Cole didn't learn from big brothers mistakes.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Who decorates in their underwear and then Tweets it?

Who decorates in their underwear and then tweets a picture of it????????  Not to mention the ass cheek hanging out. The little girl with the birds eye view is priceless. Well that would be Hub's in those adorable little red undies. Not my Hub's thank God. That would be Mario Lopez....I know your shocked right??  Guy goes on Ellen all the time and ends up with his shirt off for some reason. You might be a narcissist if you.......want to take your shirt off on command and decorate in your undies.  I don't know about you but we always decorate for Christmas in our red panties. Red panties and Santa hats. Maybe I'll post some pictures of us like that on here. I just wish I had seen this picture before I did my Christmas cards. I would have done a card with us decorating in our undies and hats. It would say "Tis the "F"ing season bitches". It would be the kind of card that people would open and say...."WTF". I would spend my days laughing thinking about people's reactions when they opened it. I think next year I may just do a "WTF" card. Have you puked in your mouth yet??

Today I was looking forward to getting my house-TV-Computer back for a few hours.  My bubble burst when one woke up sick. I was worried since whooping cough is going around Drip. Of course he wanted to hog the TV and the computer at the same time. I told him he is not supposed to be home right now so that shit is mine.....ALL MINE! He was all like.."but I'm sick mom". I was all like..."then go to bed". We went to the Doctor in the afternoon. Thankfully it was just allergies. While we were at the Doctor waiting and waiting in the room. Aidan was acting silly. He was on the table wiggling around on that annoying paper. Anyone who has a kid knows the sound of a kid wiggling on that annoying paper. When did we become such a germ -a- phobic society?? Germs are good! We start to talk about when he was a baby. I ask if he remembers living in our old house. He says.."yep". I ask him what he remembers. He says..."I remember when there was a really bad storm and we were all in the closet under the stairs". I say..."That is your memory of our old house?". He says.."Yep". I say "how about all the good things that happened in that house??????". He then tells me how he remembers when he got really sick and threw up in his bed and how I was throwing up too. OMG, I'm raising a Debbie Downer!!!!

He looks over at me and says...."You know what else I remember?". I say "I don't know, maybe the time you fell in the driveway and got an egg size bump on your head". "Maybe the time you fell down the stairs?". "Maybe the time Grumps lost you when he fell asleep on the sofa". "Maybe the time you fell in the neighbors pool and sunk to the bottom". He starts to laugh and then says..."Did those things really happen?". I say "Yes, you don't remember that Debbie?". He laughs and says..."Grandma is Debbie". So he tells me that he remembers cheeseburgers coming down the pipe line at him and he would grab them and eat them. I'm confused as to what he is talking about. I say.."What pipe line and why were cheeseburgers coming down it to you?". Kinda of sounds like a perfect world to me. He points to his mouth and takes his finger and trails down to his belly. I say.."I'm still confused". He says..."Ya know when you were pregnant with me and you would eat cheeseburgers I would grab them and eat them". I'm  so thankful the Doctor is not in here right now!!!!!! I say.."Your so full of it". He says.."No, really". I say "Please". I tell him he is not only a Debbie but he is delusional Debbie. Then he tells me he remembers floating around in there. I go with the flow and say..."Were you bored?". He says.."No, I slept a lot, ate cheeseburgers, and drank beer". OMG, thank God the doctor is still not in here. I say.."Why were you drinking beer?". He says.."cause you were". I say "I never drank beer while I was pregnant". He says..."Why did you used to call me baby bud light then?". Holy shit, he remembers almost nothing about his childhood but he remembers being called that????? I tell him again "I never drank beer once I knew I was pregnant". Remember he was a surprise....A baby bud light surprise. Which I did call him for years until my other two started calling him that. Oh how their teachers much love me. I will never forget when I went out for dinner with Hubs and our friends. I had drank barely any beer but felt drunk as shit. I'm an Irish Catholic girl...I can drink beer like a dude. I even fell out of my friend Tom's big red truck. I was accidentally pregnant and didn't know it. My friend Janice was kind of making fun of me that night for being so drunk so fast. None of us were laughing when I found out I was pregnant and I had been drinking while pregnant.

That is a time in my life when I realized just how annoying the drunk people were. Same people were over one night. Drinking, while I laid on the couch watching shit TV. They were at my kitchen table. My girlfriend could do this crazy monkey face that was funny as shit when we were drinking. So the guys were trying to talk her into doing the monkey face. She didn't want to do it. They kept saying over and over and over and over. "Do the monkey face, Do the monkey face, Do the monkey face". I was screaming in my head...Do the "F"ing monkey face and shut them up". Otherwise I'm going to get out my bitch face and y'all are not going to like it!!!! Damn hormones!!!!

Speaking of hormones these hot flashes are killing me!!!!!! I mean how embarrassing when your at the HEB check out counter and sweat starts running down your face as if you were just running a marathon. I'm trying to secretly rub it away while visions of naked snow angels are in my head. I mean really...I'm only 42 years old!!!!!! This is some Karma bullshit or something. I have said this on here before, it pisses me off. I'm supposed to be in that prime time in my life, the time where you crazy love sex and can't get enough. I can't get enough of sticking my head in my freezer a lot! I think I skipped right over prime time and ended up in an "I'm hot as shit world". Not the good hot as shit world either. Sex to me is like hurry up your making me hot in the not so hot way. The damn belly fat you get in mental pause is for the birds too. I think I'm at the point where I might get those creams that all the much older people than me talk about!!! Anywho, my grammar probably sucked, spelling, run-ons and what not. I blame mental pause or possibly Catholic school. It is what it is and I'm hot..bout to put my head in my freezer for the 10th time today! Then I will go to sleep but really can't sleep cause of mental pause!!!!!! Did I say this sucks?????

Sunday, December 9, 2012

If only we could freeze time.

 We spent Thanksgiving in Dallas. We lived there until we moved here in 2007. This picture brings so many emotions up. We lived in the greatest neighborhood ever before we moved here. Every time we go there we stop by the old hood. Oh my how the kids have grown....and the trees! We lived in the kind of neighborhood you dream about. The kids all got along, the parents all got along, and the dogs all got along. I never lived in a neighborhood like this before and haven't since. You walked in and out of the houses as if they were your own. We raised our kids together almost like a team. We spent Friday nights in a drive way drinking beer, letting the kids play, and having good conversation. I miss this part of my life probably more than anything. We had good times together for sure. We also had a few bad times. We lost an amazing neighbor in a tragic accident right before we moved. We all stuck together through everything though. I wish sometimes that I could go back and freeze time for a while. My plan was to live there forever because almost everything was perfect. Sometimes God has a different plan though.
 I went into my vault of pictures....and there is a huge vault. Looking for some pictures of the kids I no longer recognize including my own. The memories of this time in my life flood my brain. We brought Cole home to that house when he was just a month old. We all had nicknames for each other before we got to know one another. Well at least Christi Huff did. We were known as "The boat people". That is because Hubs stuffed a boat in our garage that my car never saw. I still have a boat in my garage. We all became fast friends. We always had each others backs from that time on. We saw the hood change through the years. There were breakups, makeups, parties...lots of parties, we rocked it there at Halloween....most of us anyway, some moved away, one passed away, we lost parents together, we raised our kids together, and we just plain all got along great together. I had the biggest surprise of my life there. That would be Aidan who is now nine. Best surprise I ever got...even if it took a while to be happy about. I found out I was sick with MS in that house. That was a very dark time in my life. My friends there were my rock and got me through that. I will never forget that. Times like those are the times when you really get who your friends are. They are with you through the good and bad.
 We lost my father in law when we lived there. A lot of my best memories of him were in that house. He loved that neighborhood and got along great with my neighbors. Everyone of them came to his service. They all helped out when he was sick. They would watch my kids in a second when I needed help.
 We spent lots of holidays together. Almost all when I think about it. This was a once in a lifetime kind of neighborhood. There were bonds made there they can't be broken. I look forward to going there every time we visit Hubs family. I miss that time in my life all the time.
It's funny because on our Friday night driveway beer nights. We used to laugh with our neighbor Aldo across the street. They had two girls, one a year older than Blake and one a year younger than him. We talked about how when they got older if they dated it might ruin our relationship. We talked about the parties they would throw behind our backs. Aldo worried that Blake would be the kid that jumped from his roof to the pool!!! That is funny now since he recently jumped from a roof and broke his jaw in two places. Well it's not that funny since that cost me an arm and a leg as the old asses would say. This last picture cracks me up. The girl Rachel who is towering over Blake is only a year older than him. If you scroll back to the first pic he finally caught up to her. He is standing right next to her in that pic. I can't even believe those two are a year apart in this pic.

I left that part of my life kicking and screaming for a reason. I just knew I had stumbled on something rare. In a perfect world I could take all those perfect people with me. We not only left them but we left Hubs family behind. You don't truly understand how important all these people are until their not right there. I already said it but I will say it again...I miss that time in my life. Thank you to all the Shoal Creek peeps for my favorite memories.

There were the Huffs.....Who made me laugh out loud so many times. Their kids were older so I took many good pointers from them. They raised some pretty perfect kids....I may cuss them from time to time in my head....It's just that green monster...There were the Ken and Gina who had an almost sick like perfect marriage....Yes we all might of been green. Plus they raised an amazing kid. There was Christy and Aldo....They had the most beautiful girls who just get more pretty. We had so many great times with them. We talk about them and think of them often. There was Todd and Christina...they moved across the street later but fit right in right away. They have been here many times. There was Kevin and Lisa, Kevin passed away right before they were to marry. We think about him all the time.  We have some amazing memories of our times with him. There was Cary and Ryan....Who were so young! They lived next door for a while. They moved away and had a beautiful daughter. There was Jon and Lisa...who had a son that rocked Ty die for a very long time. They are great people! Aidan loved Jon and would just walk in their house to "Play" with Jon! I think he thought Jon was a kid. Then there was Cindy and Steve. They are probably some of the greatest people I have ever met. They had one daughter Rachel who turned out to be a beautiful young lady. Steve was the ring leader for any party in the hood. Cindy became one of my best friends and still is. They are just good people to the core. There are others but these are the ones on my mind for sure. When I wrote this my eyes got teary just a few times. I'm lucky that I still talk to every one of these people. Our lives have all changed through the years but we all made that bond you can't break. These people to me were some of the greatest people in the world. The people I'm proud to call my lifetime friends! Miss you Shoal Creek! I wish we could go back and have one of those driveway nights!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

"You threw my jacket away didn't you???"

 So tomorrow is pajama day at the middle school. We own three pair of footy pajamas....Don't ask! Cole finally settled on the perfect pair after sending pics to his friends. Two of his friends want to borrow the other pairs. I tell Cole that's fine but I want them back. These are my get out of jail free pajams for Gods sake. He is like...."Of course your going to get them back, what are you saying my friends are thieves?". I say.."Um No Drama King, but a few of your friends I see around town in your good clothes". Just saying! He starts to argue and I shut his little dramatic ass down.
 Cole lost his phone last night which turned into a big fight about not being responsible. He actually told me to get my panties out of my wit. After I laughed in my head. Hoping "Wit" doesn't mean what it sounds like. I told him he needed to learn his smart ass phases before he opened his mouth because he sounds like a nit wit. Then I sent him to bed with no dinner. Well he already had dinner but it sounded good. He complained and talked to himself all the way to bed. I did the naaa, naaa, naaa, boo, boo, I can't hear you thing.

Hub's put a tracker on his phone so we were able to track it down. We went to pick it up and the cover was cracked. I asked him if he did that. He responds with a..."Yeah, but your lucky". I think this should be good. I ask.."how it happened and why would I be lucky?".  He tells me he was playing ball and it was in his hand. He then says when he caught the ball it fell. I ask again..."Why would I be lucky because of this?". He says because if it fell the other way it would have cracked the phone. So I say...."Your telling me that you cracked your case and because you didn't crack the phone I'M LUCKY??????". He says..."Yep". I tell him he may want to re think that statement. I tell him first of all....why the H E double hockey sticks would you catch a ball with a phone in your hands?????? Second....Why would you possibly say I was lucky your phone didn't crack????? You are damn lucky your phone didn't break. Third.....Your frickin lucky you have a phone with your new found middle school bad attitude. Last if you don't change your new found tude the phone is mine!!!!!!!!! Yea my head was spinning at this point and green shit was flying out of mouth. SILENCE, CRICKETS!!!!! That is what I thought!!!!! Then he started to cry as if I was the one who was out of line!!!!!!! Lets just say He's not my favorite kid this week.
See this nifty jacket I'm wearing in the picture???? This is Hub's old ass jacket he can't seem to part with. He has had it since we met when dinosaurs walked the earth. I have threatened to get rid of it a few hundred times. I have refused to leave the house with him in it a few times too. So the other night I was watching shit TV. He comes out and says...."Where is my green jacket????". Where is my anything is an immediate buzz kill in my house. I have the same response I always do. It goes something like..."It aint my shit how would I know where it is?". He is like..."No, really Kerry where is it?".  I say...."Really Michael, it's not my shit I wouldn't be caught dead in it, and I have no idea". He looks at me and says "You threw my jacket away didn't you?". I look up and him and say "the thing should be burned, it's not even good enough for coats for kids, and it probably sprouted legs and walked out of here". He says "Your not funny Kerry, I know you got rid of it". I may have yelled......"I didn't get rid of your old ass jacket that is probably tired of being worn anyway". He leaves in a huff and I can finally un pause my DVR!

So tonight Cole is picking out clothes for an after school dance. We kind of end up having a similar conversation as Hub's and I. I won't bore you with the details of that one. Since we are in a rental we have crap in every closet. I tell him to check the closet in the room with the boxes for a shirt. I end up checking the closet.....surprise, surprise! While finding his nice polo, I also find Hub's gross jacket. Now Hubs is over at our old neighbors house having a beer. I have Blake take this picture of me on my camera phone. I send it to Hubs with a ransom note!!!! I may just be an evil genus....It sounds nicer than evil bitch anyway! His response......."Your such a shit bird Kerry". WTF...is a shit bird?????

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Tis the "F"ing season..

 So I'm having one of those days!!!! The kind where you think in your head the whole day...tis the "F"ing season! I think we have all forgot the meaning of Christmas in my house. Including me. Aidan spent his morning on line shopping for shit he would have no idea existed. Yeah for "Google"...Tis the season. Kids can find anything and everything on line. Cole came home from a sleepover and wanted to have all the kids at our house all day....tis the season. Before I even answer him about his friends coming over. He says...."Now Mom don't embarrass me by saying No, I need my friends to know they are welcome in the rental". Are you kidding me kid?????? His friends have been over here a bunch already!!!!!! How soon they forget! And of course they all came over.
So when we moved to the rental we also got a storage unit. I told Hub's to put all the Xmas stuff at the front so we could have easy access. Did he listen??? Hell No!  And they wonder why we tell them they don't listen all the time....they don't!!!! While outside trying to put up the Xmas decorations we could get to. My neighbor walks over. He says..."I have a gift for you". I say.." A cold beer?". When he doesn't crack a smile I think damn my kids have pissed him off already. He hands me a baseball. The first thing that goes through my head is my kids broke a window. I take the ball and say "thanks for returning this". He then says.."That ball scared the crap out of my wife when it hit our house". I say.."OMG, I'm so sorry". He tells me she is still frazzled. I tell him I will tell the kids to be more careful. He says..They are not used to having kids next door and are not trying to be crabby about it. I tell him I understand and I feel awful since balls over the fence caused an all out war in my last neighborhood. He then goes into the things that could have happened with that ball. He tells me it could have broke a window and then it would be uncomfortable for us to live by each other. He tells me it could have hit his cat who hangs in the backyard frequently. (Probably to get away from him) He tells me it could have broke his fence which might cause his cat to get out and get eaten by a coyote. Seriously???? I say.."I'm so sorry, I assure you if they ever broke a window we would pay for it". As all this is going on Aidan walks by. I call him over. I tell him to tell the nice man that he is sorry about the ball hitting his house. I ask the man to tell Aidan his concerns about the balls. He says again to me that he is not trying to be the grumpy kid hating neighbor. He then says again how frazzled his wife is. I tell him no worries the kids annoy the shit out of me too and Xanex helps. No crack of a smile or a laugh. Batting a thousand here. So I say goodbye and ask if him if his wife enjoyed that lasagna I sent over last week. He says.."oh yes, it was great, Thank you".  I say.."good",  thinking in my head it's the last one.  Tis the season...the season of giving, love, and pure joy.
 So I go back to work on my decorating. I'm singing "Your happy and ya know it clap your hands". We are all going in and out of the house with the decorations. Ziggy the perfect dog gets out right as some family is walking by with there dog. Now Ziggy crazy loves other dogs so he B lines for them. The guy most dramatically picks up his rather large dog and says..."Can you get your dog?". I run over to get Ziggy telling him he loves dogs and is very friendly. The guy says.."Do you not have a leash for him?". I explain that I'm not out walking him he just escaped. I'm kicking ass, taking names, and making no friends here yet. Tis the season! I guess all those great cookies and home baked goods I have been patiently waiting for to welcome me to the hood are not coming after all! Now I'm singing that Kenny Chesney song in my head."Whatever makes you feel like a rock star".
Before we piss off any more neighbors I think we need to get out of here and get Xmas card photos. So we head to downtown Drip. My kids act like complete jerks during the whole shoot. How I managed to get a few good shots is beyond me....Tis the season. BTW, Xmas cards are super expensive and a pain in the ass to make.
This last picture is taken in our new neighborhood. They have a great covered bridge there. They look cute right??? Don't let them fool you they acted like complete assholes through this whole thing! We will be living there in nine long months if we survive building my/our dream home. I hope the people there love kids, drink, and pop Xanex like candy. I hope I get cookies and fresh baked good to welcome me too. Not bitter..just saying!
After our photo shoot we stop for gas. There is a taco bell connected to the gas station. My kids do think every time we get in the car we need to stop for fast food. As much as I try to break them of this I'm tired and lazy tonight. I go in taco bell to get food while Hubs fills the car up. I run into an old neighbor. She looks fricken fantastic. She is telling me about another neighbor who just filled for divorce. We talk about another neighbor who is doing great after her divorce. I say..marriage is so hard. So hard to live with anyone. She then tells me her divorce was just final. I say..I had no idea. She tells me she told Hubs months ago. I'm not surprised he didn't tell me. He never tells me anything except when he wants some. We say our goodbyes and I go to the car. I'm thinking jeez lots of divorces...I was just informed of another last night while having dinner.

I get in and tell Hubs who I ran into. I say.."you did not tell me she was divorcing". He says..."I'm not a chick, my life doesn't revolve around gossip". I get that but I'm surprised he never said anything. This sparks a very inappropriate conversation between us. I say.."do you ever notice how great divorced women look?". He says.."Not really". I say..."They look all refreshed, happy, and younger". He says.."they are probably doing all that shit you want, the botox and fillers crap. I say.."Lots of people are doing that....I tell him he needs to put me in the shop because I'm going to be the only women here that does not have a surprised look on my face". I will have that mad mommy face if he doesn't see the light soon. I say...."I don't know after today every other weekend and naked bed angels sound pretty good to me". He looks at me and says...."What are you trying to say because we are about to build our last house together?". I say..."well I did birth three kids of yours and I was let go of a very good job since you became a regional manager". No going away party after over ten years...not bitter...just saying! I tell him he would not only owe me child support but we're in Texas yeah for alimony. He looks at me and says.." ya know I have had my best year ever here and have you even said a thing about it?". I say.." your a rock star really". He then says..."if you think naked bed angels are your thing then you need to tell me before we build this house". I say..."nope I'm too lazy to get a real job and the grass may be greener on the other side for a while but it all ends up brown in the end". He looks at me and says..."your a true romantic baby". We do laugh in the end.

I do have to say I feel us women get the shaft as far as being labeled high maintenance. I think our guys are high maintenance. A way to a man's heart is through cuddling, compliments, and sex! If you do those things they will never look elsewhere. And they call us high maintenance...all I want is a great pair of boots!

Life is short

So Hub's got wind that I told some people about my little accident. So he is all like..."KERRY, why would you tell people about shitting yourself?". I say..."Cause shit stories are funny as shit". He is like..."I think your the only one who thinks that is funny". I say.."No, everyone I told thinks it's really funny. He says.."If I were you I would have kept that shit to myself". Then he says.."they don't think it's funny, they think your ridiculous and they are laughing at you". I say..."No, they are laughing with Me". There is a difference. So I get a picture text from my brother in law. It says something about gambling on a fart and not shitting your pants. I show Hub's the picture when we get home from a friends house. He is like how does Joey know???? I say "he must have read the blog". He looks at me horrified and says..."you blogged about it?". I say again..."yes, shit stories are funny, I have never heard one that didn't make me belly laugh". He says.."I can't believe you blogged about that". He says.."A lot of people read your blog, what are you thinking?". I say again..."Shit stories are funny". He says.."It's not funny it's embarrassing and people I work with read your blog". He asks...if I'm embarrassed facing people who now know what happened. I say.."No I was sick, it was awful but all you can do is laugh at something like that. Plus as a result I heard another persons belly laughing shit story. He says.."I'm not laughing". Then he rolls his eyes and goes to bed. Get out of jail free card for me tonight if you know what I mean!

So I called Mom...Deb Downer today. She was on a Christmas house walk and told me it was funny I called because she was thinking about me. I tell her about what happened. She is belly laughing. Then she is like did you call the health department. I say.."No". She is like you need to call the health department and report that restaurant. Waaaa, waaaa, waaaaa!

When I wrote that story last night I forgot to include a funny part of the story. I raced home to beat everyone. When I got there the dog met me at the door. I walked carefully to the bathroom. He followed me sniffing me like crazy. I couldn't get him away from me. I wonder what he was thinking. Maybe something like...."what's this???? My mom normally smells good, what happened to her". I didn't even know how to start to clean this up. I got into the shower in my clothes. Stripped down in the shower while the dog sat outside the shower watching with this weird face. I ended up throwing my clothes away.

I have to tell you about the funny text going back and forth between my twisted sister and me during this situation. Every stop light I was at I text Kelly to get my mind off of this.

My text....I crapped in my pants
Kelz...No way! Where are you???
My text...In my car
Kelz...On your way where??
My Text..I was at the outlets. So I have an hour drive home.
Kelz.....OMG
My text...I know!
Kelz..Holy shit
My text...Shut up!
Kelz....Diarrhea???
My text..YES, lots!
Kelz...What are you going to do with it????
My text...Drive home...what can I do???
Kelz.....How many times is that for you now???
My text...shut up...I smell really bad!
Kelz....You need to blog about it!

My other friend I called keeps texting me. All her text say is hello, POO, POO! My text back to her say...ASSHOLE!

Life is short...I was reminded of that tonight. I was at a dinner with friends. I found out that a wonderful lady I know lost her husband in a tragic accident. It took me by surprise because I had not heard about it before tonight. My heart really breaks for her and her family. I can't get her out of my mind. If your reading this please say a prayer for her and her family. They have three daughters and the story is awful and heartbreaking. It just puts stuff back into perspective for sure. We can't take life for granted. A single moment can change everything for sure. I think we forget that sometimes when we sweat the little stuff. There are so many people out there going through awful things. My thoughts and prayers are with her tonight.

On a final note....I'm sorry if I have offended anyone with my shitty story. Hub's makes me re think it. I think if I can't laugh about it I might have cried about it! I think it's better to laugh...Maybe a little TMI though. I do have a better shitty story from years ago but I don't want to send Hubs over the edge. It is kind of ironic that the night before this happened my last statement on this blog was....I either need to shit or get off the pot! I hear you universe loud and clear! I shit now I need to get off the pot! I just wish the universe was hearing my unlimited money for me thing. Hello Universe I will say it again...I want perfect kids and unlimited funds.