Friday, May 31, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Bryden.....Hot, military guy. Loves dogs. Nice teeth
Will....He's from Chicago...that's a plus. He does yoga another plus. He's black....I have this sudden attraction to Black men.....He's no Tay Diggs though.
Drew.....What girls doesn't love a guy with a sad story. We love to fix things especially broken men. Nice eyes too.
Nick R....Another Chicago boy. Problem is he's a magician. Do a magic trick Nick and disappear.
Zak W.....From Texas. The opening when he jumped off the cliff in black socks and a bathing suit killed it for me. His teeth are almost too white. Then they cut to the clip of him naked on his deck. What a douche bag. Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Robert.....From CA. He has a cute baby face for sure. He might just get my first impression rose.
Mike....Dental student from Dallas. Great teeth. When he's walking though the forest he almost looks like he could be one of the wolf boys from Twilight.
Brandon....Adrenaline junkie with Daddy issues. Another sad boy who needs to be saved. Sexy and has great teeth.
Wondering if there is any rhyme or reason why these eight got a cameo.
I love when the first limo pulls up and you hear all the owing and awing from the car.
First guy out Drew.....She seems to think he's cute. Even does a little "Ummm, Ummm, Ummm" as he walks away. I see rose colored glasses in his future for sure. His futures so bright he better wear shades.
Next up Brooks....No "Ummmm, Ummmm, Ummmm", as he walks away. My guess is The only red in his future is a red face when he's asked to leave on the first night.
Brad.....The wishbone was clever. She seems pleasantly surprised. My guess he's staying.
Brydan...No game. Brings up Sean right out of the gate. Doesn't he know that's a sore subject. My guess is he stays though.
Michael....Takes her for a walk. She laughs uncomfortably because he's a douche kind of.
Kasey.....I want to slap that shit grin right off his face. Really dude, calm down. WTF, is with the "Hashtag" comment???? Stalker!!!!!! My guess, he goes.
Will.....The token black guy. He's going, she seems annoyed by him and his not so great personality.
Mikey....Who calls themselves "Mikey". All I can think about is that 70's commercial. The one where you give what ever you don't want to eat to "Mikey" Your an adult "Mikey" time to move up to Michael. It seems the crap he is feeding her is going in one ear and out the other. It's curtains for you Mikey!!!! You will be eating your cereal alone.
Johnathan.....Hands her a note right out of the gate. She thinks it's cute till she reads it. Fantasy suite already dude????? Please the only fantasy you can count on is dry humping your pillow! My guess, it's curtains for you. She looks at him likes he's a total douche bag.
Zak W......And the biggest douche bag award of the night goes to....... Of course this spray tan junkie gets out of the car shirtless. He is the one who drinks coffee naked on his porch. We shouldn't be surprised. Please dude put your abs away. I imagine a life with him would be him walking around naked flexing in every mirror he passes. Just think when he made love to you he would probably look down and stroke his abs instead of you. Sexy...not! If I were Des I would have sent him right back in the limo. There is nothing worst than an egomaniac. She does seem almost embarrassed for him. I love the other guys reaction when he walks in the house. They all know he won't last long.
James....Right out of the car he talks about becoming her husband. Please dude, get a clue. Women like a little more of a challenge. If he doesn't go right away he will go.
Larry....Maybe he should taken dance lessons before he pulled that move. Her face says it all. Your outta here Larry.
Nick....Magic Nick.....not a magic Mike kind of guy.
Zack...Please dude your not a five year old put on your big boy shoes.
Diogo....Ok, the knight outfit???? Epic fail. Guy needs to learn how to walk in that shit before he tries to woe her in that outfit. He was walking as if he had a corn cob up his ass. Poor Des looks embarrassed for him. He is sweet though. Sexy, not so much. Her face says it all. Your out Larry. Hope you brought a horse because that's the only thing you will be riding.
Chris.....Sweet guy. Who doesn't like a guy who gets butterflies. His joke is lame though. He did get a "funny" from her as he walked away.
Mike R.....Hello Mr spray tan with really white chicklet teeth. When are guys going to get a clue that orange spray tans are not hot.
Robert.....Nice normal guy. She seems to like him. I seem to like him too. Maybe she should call me so we can chat about him.
Juan....Sexy voice. He brought chocolate. He's a keeper.
Brandan.....aka Evil Kanievel...Please! He's lucky he's cute. He got a "Cute" as he walked away.
Brian...Pleather jacket????? Come on dude...your on TV!
Micah.....Homemade outfit????? You have to be like Channing Tatum to pull that shit off. Curtains for you!!!!!
Nick M......A poem. Cheesy dude. I'm on the fence.
Dan....Smiley kind of guy with plastic like hair. Don't know what else to say except I can't help but wonder what his hair feels like.
Brody and Ben.....I'll take Brody. But damn it if his Dad isn't cute too. I love when he puts the kid in the limo and he says..."I wish I could go to the party". I hear ya Brody, "I too wish I could go to the party".
That's all the guys!!!!!! My head is spinning. Who will she sent home first????? Now it's party time. Ya know there will be a few token drunks.
The magician is first to make an ass out of himself. Please dude if I were her I would make him disappear. Saved by Pin striped stallion. That coin he gives her better be a magic one. Because he's a bit cheesy. It kills me when they interview him and he says..."I know what I feel inside is real". What you feel is a chubby pin stripe pony!!!!!! He thinks he just met his future wife. Please.........
Ben is a total Casanova. Has a kid never married though. May be a red flag. I could see him in the top three. He did get the first rose. That kid shit does work. Then they keep flashing on the shirtless wonder. He seems to always be flexing. Do us a favor and go stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror because your nauseating.
The knight, I almost feel bad for him. The dancing Monkey....Laugh my ass off. Please would someone give Zak W the shirt off their back. Of course he takes his pants off next. In the pool he goes. Let the shrinkage begin. I can't believe she gives capital douche a rose. What does he do???? Flexes his abs with it of course. Who doesn't like a circus monkey though. Army boy is cute and sweet. OMG, Soccer boy kills it. Sexy with a ball. The guys even come out to ogle. Shirtless wonder still making a giant ass of himself.
Butterfly boy is a little silly. He looks super nervous. Thank God she gives him a rose. Larry is worried.....He should be he's no McSteamy. He talks with his eyes closed. Johnathan...aka...Love tank please....drop the fantasy suite crap. Get a clue dude....your a creeper. Love when he says..."My mom thinks I'm good looking". Of course she does she's your mom. Then there is the "Love tank" comment. That is one love tank that is not going to the fantasy suite. He almost seems like he smoked some magic cigs. The third time he tries to take her to the fantasy suite she sends him dry humping right out the door.
It's time for the rose ceremony. Sometimes I can't even watch these. The look on their faces are pitiful. Some look like they could cry. Others look like they could pass out. The poor Knight looks pathetic. Their on the final rose...so dramatic. Cole my favorite bachelorette watching kid is mad "home made suit boy" is gone. He thought he was funny. Then Cole says..."Desiree, is not only hot but she's got a good personalty too".
The big Dipper is out. Said he practiced that dip 50 times. On what I wonder????? Magic man disappears. He thinks she made a mistake. Don't worry there's a magic pony out there somewhere for you. The Knight didn't turn out to be her Knight in shinning armor. He's lost because he opened himself up so much and gave everything in that five minutes he talked to her. He has an explosion of love to share with someone. I feel slightly sad for him.
That wraps up the first Bachelorette. She likes them handsome for sure.
Final thoughts.....Shirtless wonder needs to go.........
I don't even do it because I don't trust him. What I don't trust at his age is peer pressure. I think we forget how hard peer pressure is at that age. High school is the years where a lot of us are not confident enough in ourselves to be the one who says "NO". We don't want to look stupid or be the chicken shit. We also think we are invincible at this age. Teenagers only see the the now....at least most of them. I don't think most of them see what you do now can affect not only who you become but what happens in your future. Most teenagers have not yet experienced a lot of bad stuff. They have not had friends that overdosed or became addicts. If anything by drug testing him I have given him a way out from peer pressure. He can say..."I can't my parents test me and my mom would go bat shit crazy if I test positive". Still I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Am I over the top????? This is a sticky subject for sure. Some people may agree with me and others think I'm crazy.
It's funny because I have talked to them from such a young age about sticky stuff. They have always told me "I will never do any of that stuff". When they were young I thought..."Damn, I'm totally ahead of the game" "I got this". But when they get older they start to become more adventurous. I'm lucky because I have good hearted kids for the most part. They have not done anything life shattering yet. But they do make mistakes. What I forget is I'm not raising perfect kids either, as much as I hoped I was. I'm here to pick up the pieces and hopefully guide them to be successful, respectable, adults. I have to remember we learn from mistakes.
Now we are dealing with YouTube, Facebook, instagram, twitter, phones, and snap chat. My head spins thinking about it. So kids can YouTube anything. I have researched. Pull up any drug on there. It tells you how to not only make it but how enjoyable it is. Not to mention all the jackass dangerous stunts kids see on there.They want to be those jackasses. Having no idea the dangers of the stunts. They make them look fun and cool. Most of those stunts can kill you. Facebook, jeez...."hey look at me" "look at what you weren't invited to" "Let me insult you and your pictures". "Look at me half naked" "Look at my muscles" "look at what I'm doing". "Look where I am" "look what I have". Instagram...another "hey look at me" thing. Phones.....damn...no one talks it's all text. Texting makes you be able to say things you would never say to a persons face. It's not great, even something simple can be taken the wrong way. Hello we are raising kids who don't talk in person. That's a problem. Twitter...do people really care what you have to tweet about???? Or do they just judge and talk about you. Are our kids mature enough to handle all this judgment???? I struggle with it as an adult. Then there is a new one. "Snap chat" this it an app. where a picture flashes for a few minutes to someone and then disappears. Now think about this! What good can come of this kind of thing for teenagers?? So like I said, It's really hard to parent now. With all this to keep up with. Trying to help them make good decisions. Look at TV and music now. TV shows make teen sex normal, affairs normal, lying and cheating normal. There is a lot to overcome for us parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a brighter note I had a funny "WTF"parenting moment this weekend. Pig Pen picked out a cake at the store. While I was watching TV I saw him walk by with the cake. A few minutes later I hear a blow dryer. I go in to see what he's doing. He is blow drying the cake. I ask..."What the hell are you doing??". He says..."It's frozen, I'm trying to thaw it out".
Saturday, May 25, 2013
When it was time to pick the kids up I got in my car to drive back there. It was a foggy night. When the oncoming cars were passing I saw an outline of something drawn in the dirt on my windshield. At first I thought..."Not again". Then the next car passed and I realized that someone once again drew a penis in the dirt of my window. This one had balls and a pee hole. This one was on the drivers side window. The last one was on the rear window. There is no telling how long I drove around with the penis in the rear....No pun intended.
So we drive along. The temp in the car is "69". Cole starts this annoying giggle. He says..."Look at the temp". Everyone in the car starts to giggle. I say..."What are you all giggling about???". Cole says "Nothing". Pig Pen who can't lie says..."It's 69 in the car". I say "What's funny about that???". Silence, crickets!!!!! I say.."Y'all are stupid silly". Thinking they have no idea what 69 is since I had no idea until I was older and someone had to tell me what it was!!!!!!!! Way older than I should have been. My Grumps will be happy to hear this. I say..."Y'all have no idea what your laughing about and your being just silly". Cole says..."I know you flip around". I say..."Stop right there Cole". Sign of the times!!!!!!!!! Too much info is out there for our kids!!!!!!!! This parenting stuff is for the birds in this day and age. Oh damn, I just sounded like an old crotchety person.
After we get home and they can't be quiet I think maybe not finding a working key wouldn't have been the worst thing. Blake....aka...the not so charming prince is MIA with friends. I text him to check in. He text back that he is home at a friends house. I text...."Did you draw a penis on my windshield???". He text back...."I did the last time but not lately". I text..."Well there is another penis on my window". He text.."wasn't me". I text.."bullcrap, I can tell your brothers didn't do it, which means it's you". He text..."It was Mary". Mary is his girlfriend. I text.."really???'. He text...."no, I'm joking, wasn't me though". I say.."it's giant, with balls and a pee hole". He text.."cool, wasn't me". So it's a mystery. Who drew the penis??????? Totally wish I was a psychic.
Anyway, in a perfect world I would have won the power ball. Hello Universe your not hearing me!!!! Things would be so different. I would be in rehab/spa about now with Twisty. Where is that Universe I read about???? The one that promised to grant the things I ask for?????? BTW, Universe I don't love looking at penis on my car. I have seen enough in my lifetime to be satisfied. And Omg, why don't these people I live with sleep???? I took them to jump wild..for Gods sake. I'm so being punished for my teenage years!!!!!!! ARE YOU HAPPY GRUMPS AND DEBBIE.....I'M PAYING FOR MY RAISING!!!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Anyway, I have a mommy bragging moment. I'm not usually that mom. I'm usually the bitching one. Cole...aka...drama called me today at 11. He said.."can you come to school today??". I say..."when???". He says..."right now". I say..."crap, I just got out of bed". Go ahead and judge, you know you would be in bed if you could!!!! He says.."there is an awards thing at school". I say..."are you getting one?". He says..."No, but I thought you might come anyway". My heart broke. This kid is a great kid most of the time. Well mostly for other people. He NEVER EVER gets the award. Even in elementary when almost everyone gets one. His bother Pig Pen gets every award every year. I have more medals for him than I know what to do with. So I didn't think much of his call. I had to meet the builder with Hubs and stop by a friends with lunch. I got a text from Cole. It was a picture of an award. Then it said "most improved". I text back right away..."get out, I'm so proud". It was from all his teachers and he is the only one who got it! I got a text from one of his teachers later. It said..."I saw your baby in the hall showing his buddies his award, he was so proud, what a cutie, everybody loves him". My heart melted. I text back.."Thank you for being so good to him". She text back..""he is a great kid! All his teachers think so". Omg, do you know how good that feels???? I'm so proud.
Then there is the teenager. Teenagers are not in fact good for the soul. It's the end of school and the not so charming prince's grades are starting to slip. So we have the talk. He makes excuses and blames everyone but himself. He tells me he is passing and asks what I'm so upset about. I tell him some things are average and I expect him to be above average. He proceeds to tell me that we are in a way above average school district. He says he would be above average if he was in another district. Points out all his friends who are below him. I point out all the ones who are above him. Now here's the part that cracks me up. Back when he was in about third grade he got diagnosed with dyslexia. My mom was trying to make him feel better. She told him I was not the best student. Can't you tell by this blog????? Anyway, he can't remember where his shoes are or any of his shit. But by golly he remembers that my mom said I wasn't the greatest student so many years ago. He throws it in my face every time we talk about grades!!!!! I tell him I expect better than average for him even if I was average. I joke and tell him I got a sugar daddy, but it will be harder for him to get a sugar mama. He never gets my humor. Woe is me. I do know what I talking about because I'm old and wise like an owl!!!! Hoot, Hoot!
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
So what would I do with my new found money?????
Would I run like hell never looking back?????? (Of course, I would leave these people enough money to get a nice nanny to drive them around though)
Would I change my name, hair color, and complete Identity?????? (Just call me LULU from now on)
Would I tell a few people to kiss my fat ass???? (Absolutely, then I would have that fat sucked out)
Would I disappear into the night never to be seen again???? (People would make up crazy stories like I had been abducted by aliens)
I'm being ugly letting my evil twin Lulu get the best of me!!!!!! See money does make people do evil things!!!!
What would I really do with my new found money??????
Disappear .....Ha Ha evil laugh!
First I think I would pee my pants. Then I would run around like a crazy person screaming "I'm rich, I'm rich". I would stuff that ticket where the sun don't shine and sleep with one eye open till I could collect. I would have a hard time falling asleep because visions of millions would be in my head. I would wake up and scream "Holy Shit, I won the lotto". I would do a happy dance around the whole house. I would get a wig and sunglasses and go collect this shit. I'm not sure how long it takes to hit the bank. When it did I would take out a bunch of it. Don't think I wouldn't be doing naked angels in it all over my house. Yelling "I'm rich" the whole time! Don't you bullshit me that money can't buy happiness. That's what poor people say to make themselves feel better.
My first order would be to disappear. I would tell these people that Mama needs to go to rehab for a while. They would be confused. I would tell them I was a closet addict. I'd kiss them goodbye, tell them "I'll call you, don't call me". I would tell them I'm going into a 30 day program. Then I would head to a spa that only rich people could afford. I would of course convince a few other people they needed to go to rehab with me. They would not be these people I live with....just saying! I would get massages, do yoga, eat, drink, eat, dance, eat, meditate, eat, and eat! Maybe get that botox I keep talking about. I would come back refreshed and renewed. Ready to take on my new rich life.
I would come home.....Do some more naked angels in a pile of cash yelling "I'm rich" over and over. I'm building a house now. Would I keep it???? I think I would. I think I would give it to a family member I would love to have out here though. I would buy a lake house. I would also buy a bunch of acres. I would not build a mansion but a kick ass house. I would also build a few more houses on the property for some family to move into. I would get a bunch of rescue dogs...against Hubs better judgement. But I won this shit and what I do it up to me. Dogs come to mind! I'd build a killer pool and outdoor living where we could all meet. Cars???? There not that important to me. Don't think I wouldn't roll around in a killer car though! Remember I have almost 400 million. "I'm Rich". All my money worries would be gone. College???? Where ever you want!!!!! Car??? No problem! Spoiled....hell yeah! Who doesn't really want to spoil their kids????
Next order of business......take care of the people who have made a difference in my life. Some are family, some are not. There are so many people that come to mind. Thank God, I'm rolling in it. Family comes to mind first. I would surprise each and everyone of them with something life stopping. I'd be like "Oprah". Paying off houses, buying cars, vacations, and great surprises. I would have so much fun with that. Then I would go home and do naked money angels in my money...yelling "I'm rich". There are a few friends, teachers, and people I have met on my way that I would love to do something great for. I always cry when Oprah and Ellen do something unbelievable for someone. I want to do that! Some people would be surprised. There would be a few people that would be shocked. Man that would be crazy fun. I would be like Santa. Then there are a few Facebook people. The ones who are single moms and I know they work their ass off. I would so surprise them with something just for them......See Universe, I need to win! Then there are a random stranger's on Facebook that friended me because of this blog. Thank you for listening when I think no one hears me. I know I can be bit crazy but who isn't????
Finally, strangers. If I had that kind of money. I would feel a need to give back. As I'm writing this so many bad things come to mind. Boston, The Texas explosion, Oklahoma! All made me cry. I would love to do something great and make a difference. If I won I could! So today is the day I won the power ball in my head! If I really won I would have so much fun and not hoard. DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE???????
This prompted me to start a conversation with these people I live with at dinner. I asked them if we won the power ball what would they want to spend it on. I was hoping they would want to do great things with it....hoping I raised them with compassion. Now Hubs was out at our dream house looking at all the things that were not getting done on it. Whole other blog! Someday I hope to live in this house....Just saying! Blake...aka...the not so charming prince....says..."I don't know". Proof that he is spoiled! He finally says..."I would buy a house for my girlfriend and me". I say.."You are too young to have a house with your girlfriend". He says...."I would buy one for our future". "That's sweet and all but what about doing nice for others????" Crickets! I need to do lots of work on him. The two little guys.....Pig pen and Drama have a lot of request. First they say..."We can't tell Dad cause he will try to control us". I might have spit my dinner out when they said that. I say..."It's so much money we can tell him". They say..."No, lets just spend the money and not tell him". I spit food again. I say..."What would you do with that kind of crazy money???"I do say.."how can we explain all the crap we're buying to Dad??". They say.."We will figure it out"'LOL really I'm Laughing. Pig Pen wants a wake board boat, lake house, baseball equipment, and baseball cards. Drama wants a go cart and a ranger. He also wants a big room...which he is getting in our/my dream house. I was sad that not one of them decided to do anything for others. They were all about themselves. Typical of this generation. Somewhere we went wrong giving them too much and not teaching them compassion. At least I have! Woe is me!
Anywho, If I won the lotto. I would do great things. Really.....besides disappear into a spa life. My dream life is to be a rock star....I can't sing though. Next is to win a crazy lotto....so I can give and give back. Final is to be on the Ellen show...I'm jealous of Jeanie her assistant who gets to give people in need money. I want to do that just once. So Universe do you hear me?????? Don't judge me for miss spelling or run ons or bad grammar...I'm tired. No time to proof read...three kids need to get to three different schools in the am. This is why I need to win! A driver, a cook, and a house keeper would be great! Just saying Hello Universe is it me your looking for???????
Monday, May 13, 2013
RED BULL AND KIDS......"GOOGLE" IT!
Anyway today Cole...aka...Drama says...."I want to drink a red bull on the last day of school". I say...."Are you crazy????" He says my most hated statement......"All my friends are drinking it, I'm the only one who can't have one". How many of you parents out there have had to hear your kids spout out the famous..."I'm the only one"??????? How many of you out there are as annoyed as me by this???? Tell me I'm not the only one!!!! It's like nails on the calk board to me! I say..."I don't care what all your friends are doing, you are not drinking a red bull on my watch". Again he complains...he tells me some of his friends play sports better because they down a red bull before the game. Then he says..."I would be a better athlete if you let me drink one". Thank you red bull! I tell him red bull is not only not good for you but it's not good for adults either. I go through all the stuff I have read about it. Like "It's the equivalent of eight cups of coffee". Can you imagine a kid on eight cups of coffee???? Makes me what to scratch my eyeballs out thinking about it. "It has no nutritional value". Neither do fruit roll ups, gold fish, juice packs, or candy but whose judging.......Oh yes, everybody! "It is not good for you". "It can cause heart problems and anxiety in people".
Of course he doesn't care because "he is the only one who can't drink one". I do call BS on that. No way everyone is letting their kids drink this garbage. He starts to argue again. I say.."I may not be the best parent, I can be lazy and give into crazy crap sometimes" "But I am not crazy enough to let you drink a red bull". He says...."So your saying all my friends parents are crazy?????". I say..."No, Cole I'm not saying that" "What I am saying is I'm not crazy enough to want to see what you would be like on red bull". Once again he says..."So your saying all my friends parents are crazy". I get annoyed and say..."No, I'm saying that I think it is crazy to let a child drink red bull". I say..."I don't care what other parents are doing". He says again...."So your saying all my friends parents are crazy??". This is when it gets ugly. He has once again sent me over the edge with no parachute. I yell..."My opinion is that parents who give their kids red bull are not crazy, but maybe they should "google" red bull effects on kids". I tell him I'm trying really hard not to judge other parents and he is making it really hard for me". And yes he says it again..."So your saying all my friends parents are crazy". SCREAMMMMMMMM Anyone have a good therapist???????
I do have to say....This post is in no means trying to fault parents who have let their kids drink a red bull. I just don't want to see my kids who already bounce off the walls ping ponging like super balls off walls!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
I always and I mean always compared myself to what other kids got to do. This is a thorn in my side now. My kids are always telling me what other kids can do. Also what other parents buy for them and do. Man I hate when my kids say "Well so and so can do this" I know I questioned this fact all the time and hated when my parents didn't act like the better parents or buy me what the other kids got. I get it now..are you happy Debbie and Grumps...you can say I told you so.
I was a floater as a teen. I had really responsible smart friends and I had some bad ones. My parents always recognized the bad ones. I would fight them about these people. I would defend these friends to the end. Knowing they were bad. Knowing good and well that I was not making good decisions with them. My parents knew what was up though. I thought they were stupid. I see this same pattern with my teenager. I see him do great when he sticks with certain kids. I see him make mistakes with others. It's funny because even as an adult my mom catches on to good friends verses questionable ones. She is always spot on! So I guess that never goes away. My hope is someday he will get that I was not trying to be a jerk, I was trying to be a parent and protect him as best as I could. Shield him from the bad. I'm hoping the UNIVERSE hears me! HELLO FRICKIN UNIVERSE I READ YOUR BOOK!
My all time most hated statement was..."because I said so". I swore I would never use this. You get to a point were you can't fight them. "Because I said so is the best thing you can think of". It's when your done fighting and you have nothing else to say! It sucks as a parent. It's like the white flag statement.
Anywho, I get it mom and dad. It took a while but I hear you loud and clear now. I finally get when you told me family is forever friends come and go. I get it because you are the last ones standing with me all the time. I thought in my younger years it was my friends. I do think that kids need to make mistakes to learn from them and become the person they will be in the end. I hate that though. I as a parent don't want them to make any mistakes. I don't want them to feel heartbreak, betrayal, I don't want them to get that everyone is not good, I want them to be happy, healthy, and full of life! And I happen to know almost everything! Even though they don't get it yet! Man I swore as a kid I would never say the things that fly out of my mouth these days! Karma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
So my morning started out splendid. Telling kids to get out of bed ten times is exactly how I imagined my life as a kid. I think I should have stuck to my Lulu fantasy ..the single rock star! After the tenth time Cole...aka...Drama says...."Mom, why are you mad??". I don't even respond. It's not worth the fight. They don't get it. Aidan...aka..Pig Pen is mad because his breakfast is rushed. I say..."If you would have gotten up the first five times I asked you would not be rushed". Blake...aka...the not so charming prince, complains all the way to school about me not stopping for breakfast. Pig Pen is the first to get dropped off. He gets out and says.."love you mom". I grunt and say.."love you too". Drama is next to be dropped. Now he always gets out and says.."Love you". Not today....he just gets out. This makes me mad. I hand my phone to Blake and tell him to text Drama that he is taking the bus from now on. He text right back..."why". I say...."Tell him a thank you would have been nice". Does the not so charming prince catch on??? Nope, he gets out with out a peep of a thank you. It's a bad morning. So I roll down the window and say..."You can take the bus too". I pull away and get a text from him. He is like "What's wrong with you?". I don't respond. I go home and crawl back in bed. I had just had a conversation with a friend the night before. Same complaints I have...never a thank you. We vented about how our kids just expect us to turn cartwheels for them.
Did my day get better???? Not really. My phone froze up. I couldn't get it to work. I plugged it into the computer. I hit "Restore". As I hit "restore" I yelled "Firetruck". I forgot I had not backed my phone up. A genius I am not. There went all my contacts, pictures, notes, calender dates, videos, and my life....... The word "firetruck" slipped out a few more hundred times. Man if there were cameras in this house I could have been a "YouTube" sensation. So if your reading this please text me your number with your name.
Did my day get any better???? Well Pig Pen went to a friends after school. I went to yoga. Before I went I put together an amazing Pinteresting dinner. So at yoga the teacher sprays this smelly oil spray on us. I like the smell. She is telling us to leave the days stress behind. The yoga makes me feel like I had a glass of wine! I love it..even if I felt like I needed to fart during most of it.
After yoga I head back to the place where it feels like someone has released flying monkeys at me. I tell them I'm in a happy place don't mess with me. They all love my dinner. Right when I got home Cole gives me a note. He said he had some extra time at school to write this. It's a hand made card. My guess is Drama doesn't want to ride the bus.
The front says...."To the best MOM in the world" It has some hearts and an ugly looking mom drawn on there. Don't tell him I said that but it was an ugly drawing. I open it and it says on one side.."You are so, so, so, beautiful". It's off to a great start for sure. So here's the other side....
Happy Mother's day to you aka the BEST. you are so awesome. The best thing I could ask for. I am so glad your my mom or else I would not have a good personality. You are so pretty and I don't know why you say you look old. You may be 42 but you look 28. Trust me you do, do not wonder if I love you cause I do".
I tell him that means so much to me! Mostly because I'm 43! He thinks I'm 42! Even if he's lying about the 28 thing. Pig Pen is sitting there. He is like.."I'm working on something for you too. So my day got better.....for a bit!
Then there's the not so charming prince. Hubs got a call from his teacher. Now I do have to say.....we rarely get a call from a teacher for any of these people. Yes, I'm totally knocking on wood right now. So apparently Blake was not using his time wisely in class. Hubs calls him in our room. We sit down to talk to him. We ask what happened. He tells us his teacher called him out for not working. He proceeded to interview people around him to plead his case that he was working. The teacher told him he saw him talking. Blake said he told him he must need glasses. Hubs and I looked at each other in shock.....because we were under the influence that we raised perfect kids. Hubs tells him you can't do that. He argues with us that he wasn't doing anything wrong. We try to reason with him. We tell him you can not talk like that to teachers, parents, or your future boss. It's a respect thing...even if you think they are wrong. For Gods sake you say that crap under your breath. Who raised you???? I'm a master of thinking bad crap in my head or saying bad crap under my breath. He's not hearing anything we are saying. Still arguing why he is right. We tell him he is missing our point. Hubs starts to get mad. He tells him if he was his boss he would fire him. Then he tells him we can't send him to college or out in the real world till he gets what we are saying. We tell him he needs to tell that teacher he is sorry for his disrespect. I try to tell him you get more bees with honey. I have become the person who knows nothing though! The teacher did say he Emailed Blake's coaches....hopefully they will get through to him! Hey Universe send me some perfect parents to get to these people!!!!!!!!!!!
On a final note....Building a house is like being pecked to death by 1000 of those chickens. I am refraining from blogging about it. Someone would turn the blog in for abusive material. Let me just say...If you want a happy marriage NEVER build a custom home together! On a nicer note...my friend went to Chicago, he dropped off the most amazing popcorn on my doorstep. It made me smile! Eating popcorn while blogging makes me happy on a not so great day!
On another final note...I'm up late...Infomercial late. There is a Zumba commercial on. These people claim they drop crazy amounts of weight. Dropping five dress sizes. It's making me mad! I have done this Zumba thing since December. No weight changes, no dropped dress size! I'm not knocking Zumba, it's the best thing I have done for myself. I look forward to these classes. Love the ladies in there. Guess it comes down to cutting out every thing I love...Good food, soda, and beer! Hello Universe.....Why can't I be like the person on the informercial! Getting old sucks...those old asses know what they are talking about. So listen...put on that sun screen...and that cheeseburger does in fact catch up. So once again I make zero sorry's for bad writing! It's late I'm tired, I'm sure it's a mess!
Monday, May 6, 2013
I found a picture of my X boyfriend on the Internet this weekend. My two major X boyfriends are not on Facebook. It makes me mad. I'm curious. I want to see how their life turned out. I'm sure most people are curious about a X. I want to see if they married or if they had kids. What they do and of course if they aged well. Once in a while I type their name in the friend search. Nothing, every time. It's bullshit. Everyone is on Face book. How come the two people I want to check are not there????? Actually there are three. Anyways one popped up on linkedin. This is almost worst. It does have a picture but doesn't give you any info about him. Except what his job is. The slug has a good job....go figure. I'm not bitter! Yes, my nose just grew! Dude still owes me money!!!!! That damn fudgicle . He really looks the same except he's gray. So his picture just pisses me off! I was hoping he aged badly. I'm working on evil thoughts like this. Sometimes I just can't help myself. A women scorned can be evil. The next day I show Hubs his picture. He looks at it and says.."He looks fat". I'm like.."Are we looking at the same picture???". He says..."He looks like a dork". Keep telling yourself that!!!!! I say..."He looks like Clooney to me". He rolls his eyes. I say.."can't you just be a man and admit that he looks like Clooney?". He says.."Fine, a fat Clooney". He's not fat..I don't know why Hubs is trying to say he looks fat. Then Hubs says.."Why do you even care???? I don't care what my X's look like". I do think "Bullshit" but whatever. I tell him it's because I'm a girl and that's how most girls are. He says.."That's stupid". Yes but this is why someone made millions on a book called" Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". Men can disconnect. A women will feel a connection to anyone in their lives that ever touched them. No pun intended!
So the house thing. They finally started our/my dream home. I'm getting really sick of being in this rental. I feel I can't settle in here. More than half my crap is in storage or in the extra room boxed up. I forgot what I even have. I'm ready to settle in somewhere, anywhere at this point. I've waited so long that I have become un motivated. Hubs has been on me to pick out light fixtures and paint. The house has turned out to be more money than we thought it would be. It has caused a few fights and many crying meltdowns! Note to self....NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER BUILD ANOTHER CUSTOM HOME AGAIN UNLESS YOU SHIT MONEY! So I picked the paint colors. The damn fixture site sent me over the edge. The web site has a 1000 pages for lights over the island. Remember I'm an over thinker. I tell Hubs "I'm done, you pick the lights". He is like..."Oh hell no, I will hear about the lights I picked that are not right forever". I tell him.."I will just change them out if I don't like them". He says.."We're out of money after this house, so you need to pick". I tell him.."I'm going to win the lotto because I've asked the Universe". He rolls his eyes and says..."Can you please pick some lights". Of course picking lights pisses me off. We have a budget, it's hard to stay in it. Note to self.....NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER PICK THE ONES THAT SAY..."CALL FOR PRICING". "Dear Universe, I'm a lotto winner....a huge one at that"! Someday I will live in this house! I'm hoping since I designed it and picked every damn thing in it that it looks the way it does in my head. Sometimes things look way better in my head!
I went to the Jimmy Buffet concert this weekend. Great people watching. So much fun too. Lots of older people there. I hope I'm like them when I get even older! When we got home, I was slightly buzzed. Our friend was here from Dallas. We put music on. I was dancing around like fool doing all the crazy moves. Sprinkler, running man, pick the fruit or groceries, and so on and so on. Blake....the not so charming prince had his friend over. He told me to stop dancing because I was embarrassing him in front of his friend. Now his friend is like my kid. He's been around since we moved here. I say "He doesn't care". Blake is like.."really stop Mom". I tell him if he doesn't like it then go away". He was raining on my buzz parade! Aidan...aka Pig Pen was the bat boy at the high school baseball game. He was so excited telling me all the stories about his night. Big shout out to my friend Patti for taking him to the game. Since our baseball team is in the playoffs they all dyed their hair bleach blonde. Well some look orange but who cares! Aidan wanted to dye his to match. So Mom of the year dyed his hair to match. Put your gravels (spelling?) away....he is my third! Being the third he has turned out to be the best student and never gets in trouble. Maybe I should have been hands off for the others. He had such a great time. He looks up to my friend Patti's son because he is catcher like him. Right now Jason is his hero. I think it's cute. Jason is a great kid and a great athlete. Big shout out to coach Payne and coach Whitman (spelling?) for making him feel like a rock star. He will remember this night forever. It's times like these that make all the wanting to pull your hair out worth it.
Anyway....I have to have a "WTF" mother moment. Mine was with Cole...I know your shocked. He was getting ready tonight after we rented breakfast club and silver lining. He said breakfast club the teenagers looked 30. They kind of did. They don't look like the teenagers today. He told me silver lining was the worst movie he has seen. Then he said..."At least the ended it right". I say..."why do you think they ended it right?". He says..."At least you see it ended happy, they didn't leave you with questions". I loved the movie. So my "WTF" moment came after the movie. I told the kids to get what they want to wear to school out. Cole grabs Aidan's shirt. I say.."that's Aidan's shirt and it's too small for you". He says..."it shows off my muscles and Blake steals my shirts all the time to show off his". Monkey see, monkey do????? What I'm thinking is you don't really have muscles yet...at least the kind that pop out in a shirt. I don't want to rain on his parade though. I ask..."if there a girl your trying to impress with these muscles???". He says..."I'm not telling you because you will blog about it". I say..."how do you know about my blog??'. He says.."my friends have googled my name and saw your blog". Oh, shit!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not going to stop blogging. I think the kids will enjoy it when they are older....at least most of it. I wish my parents had done this. There are so many things and emotions I would forgot about. When I read back I laugh and cry. My God........life goes way too fast! Love the picture I posted on tonight's blog! Cole's face just brings a smile to mine...Love that kid! Anyway it's late I'm not proof reading and I own my spelling sucks! Tomorrow I'm a new and improved version of myself...DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE???? I HATE FAT FOODS, DR PEPPER, BEER, AND ANYTHING BAD FIR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Lulu is tall and thin. She has long brown hair and green eyes. She is confident but not conceded. She has a kick ass wardrobe. She is smart as a whip. People listen to what she has to say. She drinks fancy martini's never beer. Her hair is always perfect and her nails are always done. She takes care of her family. She often takes her friends and family on great vacations. She owns a house on the beach. She goes there for months at a time. Where she does yoga and meditates. She has been around the world. She has a friend named GiGi that drives a BMW and has great boots too. Sounds great doesn't it???? I often think if I could really write I would write a book about her. Now if you hear me around town asking my kids to call me Aunt Lulu.....call my therapist. That means I finally went off the deep end.
"WTF"....mommy moment of the day! Cole decided he was going to clean the bathroom. He actually did a great job. When he was done he called me in to gloat. I told him he did a wonderful job. His response......"Can you and Aidan try to keep this clean now, cause I worked really hard on it". I laughed loudly. He asked what I was laughing at. I told him..."I clean something every day in this house" "I ask you if you can keep it clean"...."BTW, that never happens". His response..."I'm serious mom, you guys need to keep this clean". My response......"BLAAAAA, HAAAAA, HAAAAAAAA".