Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.....peck, peck

 I can't remember the first time I saw this saying. All I know is it makes me laugh and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Who ever came up with this is a brilliant genius. Boy did they hit the nail on the head. I need a ride....peck, peck. I need my stuff...peck, peck. I need some money...peck, peck. What's for dinner...peck, peck. ME, ME, ME, ME....PECK, PECK, PECK! I could go on pecking forever but I won't bore you.

This is what I would imagine the chicken pecking me to death would look like!!!!!! It's an ugly chicken! Ugly, Ugly, Ugly!

So my morning started out splendid. Telling kids to get out of bed ten times is exactly how I imagined my life as a kid. I think I should have stuck to my Lulu fantasy ..the single rock star! After the tenth time Cole...aka...Drama says...."Mom, why are you mad??". I don't even respond. It's not worth the fight. They don't get it. Aidan...aka..Pig Pen is mad because his breakfast is rushed. I say..."If you would have gotten up the first five times I asked you would not be rushed". Blake...aka...the not so charming prince, complains all the way to school about me not stopping for breakfast. Pig Pen is the first to get dropped off. He gets out and says.."love you mom". I grunt and say.."love you too". Drama is next to be dropped. Now he always gets out and says.."Love you". Not today....he just gets out. This makes me mad. I hand my phone to Blake and tell him to text Drama that he is taking the bus from now on. He text right back..."why". I say...."Tell him a thank you would have been nice". Does the not so charming prince catch on??? Nope, he gets out with out a peep of a thank you. It's a bad morning. So I roll down the window and say..."You can take the bus too". I pull away and get a text from him. He is like "What's wrong with you?". I don't respond. I go home and crawl back in bed. I had just had a conversation with a friend the night before. Same complaints I have...never a thank you. We vented about how our kids just expect us to turn cartwheels for them.

Did my day get better???? Not really. My phone froze up. I couldn't get it to work. I plugged it into the computer. I hit "Restore". As I hit "restore" I yelled "Firetruck". I forgot I had not backed my phone up. A genius I am not. There went all my contacts, pictures, notes, calender dates, videos, and my life....... The word "firetruck" slipped out a few more hundred times. Man if there were cameras in this house I could have been a "YouTube" sensation. So if your reading this please text me your number with your name.

Did my day get any better???? Well Pig Pen went to a friends after school. I went to yoga. Before I went I put together an amazing Pinteresting dinner. So at yoga the teacher sprays this smelly oil spray on us. I like the smell. She is telling us to leave the days stress behind. The yoga makes me feel like I had a glass of wine! I love it..even if I felt like I needed to fart during most of it.

After yoga I head back to the place where it feels like someone has released flying monkeys at me. I tell them I'm in a happy place don't mess with me. They all love my dinner. Right when I got home Cole gives me a note. He said he had some extra time at school to write this. It's a hand made card. My guess is Drama doesn't want to ride the bus.

The front says...."To the best MOM in the world" It has some hearts and an ugly looking mom drawn on there. Don't tell him I said that but it was an ugly drawing. I open it and it says on one side.."You are so, so, so, beautiful". It's off to a great start for sure. So here's the other side....
        "Dear Mom,
                Happy Mother's day to you aka the BEST. you are so awesome. The best thing I could ask for. I am so glad your my mom or else I would not have a good personality. You are so pretty and I don't know why you say you look old. You may be 42 but you look 28. Trust me you do, do not wonder if I love you cause I do".

           I tell him that means so much to me! Mostly because I'm 43! He thinks I'm 42! Even if he's lying about the 28 thing. Pig Pen is sitting there. He is like.."I'm working on something for you too. So my day got better.....for a bit!

Then there's the not so charming prince. Hubs got a call from his teacher. Now I do have to say.....we rarely get a call from a teacher for any of these people. Yes, I'm totally knocking on wood right now. So apparently Blake was not using his time wisely in class. Hubs calls him in our room. We sit down to talk to him. We ask what happened. He tells us his teacher called him out for not working. He proceeded to interview people around him to plead his case that he was working. The teacher told him he saw him talking. Blake said he told him he must need glasses. Hubs and I looked at each other in shock.....because we were under the influence that we raised perfect kids. Hubs tells him you can't do that. He argues with us that he wasn't doing anything wrong. We try to reason with him. We tell him you can not talk like that to teachers, parents, or your future boss. It's a respect thing...even if you think they are wrong. For Gods sake you say that crap under your breath. Who raised you???? I'm a master of thinking bad crap in my head or saying bad crap under my breath. He's not hearing anything we are saying. Still arguing why he is right. We tell him he is missing our point. Hubs starts to get mad. He tells him if he was his boss he would fire him. Then he tells him we can't send him to college or out in the real world till he gets what we are saying. We tell him he needs to tell that teacher he is sorry for his disrespect. I try to tell him you get more bees with honey.  I have become the person who knows nothing though! The teacher did say he Emailed Blake's coaches....hopefully they will get through to him! Hey Universe send me some perfect parents to get to these people!!!!!!!!!!!

On a final note....Building a house is like being pecked to death by 1000 of those chickens. I am refraining from blogging about it. Someone would turn the blog in for abusive material. Let me just say...If you want a happy marriage NEVER build a custom home together! On a nicer friend went to Chicago, he dropped off the most amazing popcorn on my doorstep. It made me smile! Eating popcorn while blogging makes me happy on a not so great day!

On another final note...I'm up late...Infomercial late. There is a Zumba commercial on. These people claim they drop crazy amounts of weight. Dropping five dress sizes. It's making me mad! I have done this Zumba thing since December. No weight changes, no dropped dress size!  I'm not knocking Zumba, it's the best thing I have done for myself. I look forward to these classes. Love the ladies in there.  Guess it comes down to cutting out every thing I love...Good food, soda, and beer! Hello Universe.....Why can't I be like the person on the informercial!  Getting old sucks...those old asses know what they are talking about. So listen...put on that sun screen...and that cheeseburger does in fact catch up. So once again I make zero sorry's for bad writing! It's late I'm tired, I'm sure it's a mess!

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