FebruKerry=5 dollar footlongs

So the golden jerks flew home Tuesday. I spend Wednesday pretty down in the dumps. Not for long though, it's still FebruKerry. Some friends and I head out for dinner and drinks. It's hard being Kerry in February.

We have such a great time at Mandola's in Driftwood.

The cute very young waiter overhears that it's FebruKerry. He brings me the most delicious ice cream. He kind of looks a little like Edward standing there in the background. We can't stay out to late because someone has to get these people out the door in the am.

Now my friend Doug nicknamed this month FebruKerry last year. He was poking fun at me but I just love it. That was until Subway came out with a commercial that says.......FebruAny, and then it says....5 dollar foot longs! Now every time I say FebruKerry I can't help but sing 5 dollar foot longs. The last thing I want my birthday linked with is a foot long.

Thursday morning I get everyone up and out the door. I can't go back to sleep because I have to go to work. After work I head out to Blake's track meet. Who knew this kid would turn out to be a pole vault guy. I have thought many times about catapulting these people over the fence but now I get to watch it.

He does pretty well. There are three schools competing in this meet.

While uploading these pictures I am taken back how old my baby looks. It's just weird for me.

So this am I woke up got everyone out the door and went back to sleep. I wake up around ten and I have zero motivation to get up. I lay there and try to meditate at first. This never goes well for me since I can not get my over active mind to slow down. So now I'm laying there arguing with myself in my head. Workout or sleep, I hate Mondays. All of the sudden that Abba songs pops up in my head. Don't ask me why. I start to change the words hoping it will motivate me. So I start singing in my head......you can exercise, you can exercise, Your going to have the time of your life because your the exercise queen. Your old and fat with muffin top, it's just because your 41. now get your ass out of the bed. You see you there on that elliptical machine. You can exercise. Now I'm laying here thinking I may just be losing it. So I get up and I go exercise...yeah for me! Today was the last day in FebruKerry and I'm sad.

The golden jerk goes home

Tuesday was Cole's birthday. My brother and I make him a giant cookie cake to take to school.

Debbie, Grump, the golden jerk and I brought him sonic for lunch. While at sonic I showed them the sign I crashed into. They still have not fixed it.

He is so happy to see us. I was thinking back to Blake when he was ten. The next year was the year he no longer wanted me coming around the school. The wonder if Cole will feel that way next year. Sad, how fast the years go. Before I know it they will be asking for the car keys! Scary!

Once again the golden jerk is taunting me. Were out shopping for potential houses for the Grump and Debbie. When she's like......Hey Mom of the year, do you really think the Grump will move here when I live in Chicago??????? I want to go pull on one of those pigtails but I contain myself. I look at her and say........I can't hear you, I can't hear you, as I cover my ears. She looks at me rolls her eyes and said....Now who is the terrible two year old now?????? I look at her and say.....what time is that damn flight your on????

While the golden jerk was here my twisted sister called many times. She wanted to know if Ella was asking for her. I regretfully had to say NO! One day while on the phone with Twisty I asked Ella if she wanted to talk to her. She Said No, she not only said no she growled NOOOOOOOOO. I give her and A for drama. She may give Cole a run for his money. I put the twisted one on speaker thinking Ella just needs to hear her voice. All the sudden Ella starts running from the phone growling NOOOOOOOOOOO. I am chasing her laughing me ass off. I don't know why I take so much pleasure in this but I just do.

I'm watching the Oscars while writing this entry tonight. Aidan comes down and he is singing......"Another one bites the dust....dunn...dunnn...dunn.....another one bites the dust. I say where did you hear that song. He looks over at me with a very straight face and says.....I made it up. I look at him and say....you are such a liar. He just smirks and walks away. Cole is sitting here watching the Oscars with me. I have my hair pulled into a super high ponytail. I like to wear my hair like this at home. It makes me feel young. So Cole is like.....why do you have your hair like that???? I say....I like it. He says....can I pull it out. I'm like why. He says....I just feel like playing with a rubber band and I can't stop looking or thinking about yours. Weird, right????

It was getting close to the time for Ella to fly home. I found her crying. I said....what's the matter little girl???? She says....I just love it here in Austin. I really want to move here. Side note....my brother...aka...lost is also watching the Oscars with me. I'm telling him this story that I can not write in this blog. He puts his hands over his face and starts to laugh. Then he looks up and says....You and Kelly...aka...Twisty better watch yourselves.....You can be pretty disgusting. Now I can say some pretty discussing things that he does. I just won't go there. I do have a line ya know. I'm kind of wondering why Gwyneth Paltrow is poping up singing on all these award shows. Where the Hell is Katy Perry?????

So I finally sit down to tell Grump about my thing with Edward. I say...hey Grump I have been dating Edward Cullen. He looks at me and says......Ya know your old enough to be his Mother! He is a little young for you. I say........ not really remember he has been seventeen for a very long time. In my book that makes him older than me. I say....He really would like to meet you, officially. Grumps says...Alright, bring him in. I say could you be nice?? He is-he's important. So Grumps draws an invisible circle around his head, as to be a halo all the time rolling his eyes. I say turn around he's right behind you! YES, these people I live with have sent me off the deep end! Please don't judge!

So I had a very busy weekend. I hosted not one but two of my kids birthday parties. They were both sleepovers! So yes, my Friday and Saturday were spent with boys that never slow down or like to sleep and lots of them. I know what your thinking.....CRAZY! All I have to say is thank God it is over. In between parties I attended not one but three soccer games. Damn why can't these people be lazy like me????? I grocery shopped, pick up pizza's, made cupcakes, a cookie cake, Went to home depot, and pretty much pulled my hair out. Not to mention all the cussing I did in my head.

So I'm sitting here on a Sunday night. My head is swimming with thoughts. Sometimes I wish it had an off button. My house looks like a bomb went off in it. I don't feel like cleaning it or even looking at it. Lunches need to be made, backpacks need to be gone through, clothes need to be put out, clothes need to be taken out of the washer and dryer. My DVR is once again almost at capacity. I'm having one of those most annoying fat days. I hate those days! What is it about forty or now forty something. With this most annoying number comes belly fat and muffin top. I have once again fallen off my workout wagon and I can't seem to get back on it. Guilty once again, this is how I seem to live my life. SAD right????? Can't you just hear that little tiny violin playing in the background????? I started this blog to give to my kids someday lately is has become all about me. I guess since my life is consumed with with these people I live with, I need something where I am the "it girl".

So I find myself sitting here right after finishing the Oscars. I'm wondering what it might feel like to win an Oscar. I don't think it's in the cards for me. Then I think what if one of these people I live with win an Oscar???? My guess it would be Cole! I can just imagine him up on stage saying things like......I owe my Mother everything! She is the most beautiful best person I have ever known. She put her dreams aside so I could be the best person ever. I not only dedicate but I give Oscar to her! Now they pan in on me looking really good for my age and I have tear in my eye. Yes, the cardboard Vamp is seated next to me. Alright, wake up girl! If your thinking I'm drinking writing this, I'm not I'm stone cold sober. This is just the way my crazy mind works.

So the highlight of my weekend was going to home depot. I got this little filter for my shower head. It gets rid of all the bad stuff in your water. I blame this most annoying rash I have, my hair loss, and bad skin, on bad water! Fuck the age thing! Ignorance is bliss, right?????

The birthday celebration never ends in FebruKerry.

Monday morning I woke up around my standard 10am. I come out to find this. How cute, right? The kids are off school today for Presidents Day. All this means for me is they stayed up too late last night, fought, tried to parent, and drove me nuts. Now I will spend my normal peaceful Monday with my invisible ref uniform on.

Grump is up of course, he is always the first one up. I look in the family room and think where is Edward. I left him in the corner last night. I find him outside on the back porch like a dog. Hopefully he did not eat any of the neighborhood pets while out there. Grumps is in the kitchen drinking his coffee. He tells me he put Edward out there. He asks me if I would like it if Hub's had a cardboard cut out of a girl. I think about it, and I think No it wouldn't bother me a bit. I would rather him have a cardboard cut out than a real person. I bring Edward back in in fear that he will wilt from humidity out there, not to mention he is not supposed to be in the sun! I know what your thinking....I have gone off the deep end. Don't worry I went off the deep end along time ago I just didn't blog back then.

So the golden jerk is still here. I can't help to be sucked in by her charm. Even though she has stolen the Grumps attention from me. I can't stop taking pictures of her. She is just so damn cute. Now you have to remember I was an only child the first eight years of my life. I was ruined at an early age. Then came the Twisted one who stole my thunder. Then the boy they always wanted. I was doomed at that point. So at first I was the apple of the Grumpy ones eye, not to mention everyone else since I was also the first Grandchild on both sides. Then I was a torn in the Grumpy ones ass in my teen years and my twenties. I won him back eventually with my good cooking and my magnetic personality. Toot, toot,...do you here me tooting my horn right now???? All this hard work only to be taken away from the first granddaughter. Shit I gave him his first three grand boys...has he forgotten??? I know they not as cute as her right now but they were at that age.

Nice family shot.......Do you see Edward in the background???? I'm so happy my family is here. I love when they come for a visit. I only wish they would move here! Do you hear me Universe????

Maybe I have a soft spot for her since she looks just like my oldest at this age. Maybe I'm thinking if Blake was a girl this is what I would have got. Pink, bows, bunnies, dresses, cute clothes, pink, more bows, and Mother and daughter time. Sorry Blake! I really would not change anything in my life!

Alright so here she is again...sick of her yet?????? Yeah, me too!

Once again Grump sees no one but her. Does he realize we all need love and attention?????

Aidan gets a call from Auntie Sue for his B-day. Now Sue never forgets a B-day and never forgets to SING Happy Birthday to everyone! How sweet is that?????

So even though it's Aidan's B-day and we have this traditional B-day hat most of us wear on our B-day. The golden jerk steals it, and damn if she doesn't look better and happier in it than we do!

So Monday night we celebrate Aidan and Cole's B-day once again...because we do multiple celebrations here. I get a KING cake cake for these guys. Now one of my bff's Robin started us on these KING cakes a few years ago. My kids love them. You hide this plastic baby in this sugar infested cake. The person that gets the piece with the baby is KING for the day or night. Since it is Aidan's true B-day I plant the baby in the piece I give him.

There she goes again, trying to take away the attention of the true B-day person. She wins of course! She is much more sassy than these people I live with!

The Grumps and Blake retire to the back patio for some much needed guy time. I really don't think they said a word to each other. Remember this generation only text any thoughts.

My brother...aka..lost wants to decorate the cookie cake we will be sending Cole to school with. He scared me because last night he said he wanted to go home with Debbie and the Grump. I like having him here. We watch mindless TV together, we put on anti-aging mask together, and we just get along great together. I would miss him if he left. He did stay, thank God, he helps me with some of the stuff I just don't want to do. Not to mention, the boys love having him here!

So anywho, I'm still here waiting to win a lotto. Not because I'm greedy, it's because I would want to move all the people I love so much out here by me. I love my family and I wish we could all live closer. Money is the only thing that would solve that issue. Do you hear me UNIVERSE??????

What the Hell happened to the Grump I grew up with???

Sunday morning we woke up at the crack ass of dawn. Not really it was more like ten am but that feels like the crack ass of dawn to me. We had a little breakfast and started our day.

My Mom...aka..Debbie took the boys for a valentine gift. They picked out a basketball hoop and some balls. Can you say SPOILED. I feel for the girls these spoiled boys marry.

Blake....aka...who the Hell are you???? Hates my boyfriend Edward. Every time he walks by him he is like....Mom...Really, this is embarrassing. All of the sudden I hear this little whisper saying.......I told you I'm not good for you. I didn't have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere, and would respond to, whether I was awake or asleep....or even dead. The voice I would walk through fire for--or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for. For it was Edward!

I picked up a little valentine gift for the golden jerk while we were out. I can't resist her charm.

We all headed out to celebrate FebruKerry....oh wait I mean Cole, Aidan, and my birthdays. We went to http://www.verdesmexican.com/ in Driftwood TX. Great place if you have kids. They have a big fenced in back area where the kids can run like chickens with their heads cut off. The adults can sit under a covered area sipping cocktails and act like they do not know those people they came in with.

Grumps is excited that they still had happy hour prices at the bar. It's the little things for him. Blake spent most of his night with his face in the phone. I can't wait till all three of them sit around with their faces in there phones. At least they will not be annoying me. I do often wonder why no one likes to be present anymore....why are we always worried about what all the people were not with are doing????????? Do you ever notice where ever you go now whether it be a restaurant, the mall, an airport, or even the park. Everyone seems to have their face in a phone. It's kind of sad when you think about it. Just think of all the little things you might have missed.

What I like about this picture is Grumps didn't say....hey Kerry your blocking the golden jerk. It is FebruKerry after all.

Debbie and I love to irritate my twisted sister. We were taking pictures on my phone of the Golden jerk drinking cocktails and eating chips. My Dad...aka..Grump kept telling us to stop it. Of course we didn't listen. He should know by now that just makes us want to do it more.

So she likes to smoke. It's only after a cocktail or two. At least she only smokes french fries.

The waitress brings dumb and dumber a piece of giant chocolate cake for their birthdays.

See how the golden jerk works???? She is totally taunting me right now. Under her breath she whispers....hey Kerry look who likes me better.evil laugh I say....Hey golden jerk wait till you hit the terrible twos. We don't call him the Grump for nothing! She says....Hey Kerry...aka...mother of the year......He will be blinded by my cuteness, not to mention my charm....I'm totally going to snow his ass. evil laugh. Hey golden jerk I've done that for years and look where it got me....replaced by some golden jerk that craps in her pants and farts out loud in public! Would you believe me if I said the golden jerk stuck her tongue out at me, made those silly hands by her head, and said naaa, naaa, naaa, naaa, booo, boooo????? Alright that may be taking it a bit too far.

As were leaving this toddler in the pot scares the piss out of me. I look around to see where his parents are so I can give them the stink eye. Don't see them anywhere. Their probably sipping cocktails pretending they don't know him. A great example of parenting at it finest. Sadly it reminds me of myself.

When we get home it's time to put the golden jerk to bed. She has been giving us a hard time about brushing her teeth. We tell the Grump since you like her so much you brush her teeth. I have to get the camera for this one. For a split second I think what if she totally cooperates for him. He will be gloating then. Of course she didn't for she is the golden jerk.

The grump is saying things like...it's alright baby, awe poor baby, come on sweetheart. I'm just sitting there thinking I wonder if he had this kind of love and patience for me. For some reason I don't think so.

I can't believe my eyes....she has snowed him again. There he stands saying things like its alright you don't have to brush your teeth if you don't want to. What happened to the guy that used to say do it because I said so. I want to see him pull out a can of whoop ass on her.

OH geez this is to much. She doesn't do what she's supposed to and he gives her a big hug. I need to take some notes from her. I thought I was the one with all the swagger in this family.

Wow, now he's going to demonstrate how to brush your teeth on her valentine gift. So I sit in the corner pretty much putting my finger down my throat making a gag sound while watching this! Who is this guy???? He is not the grump I grew up with. I want a re-do of my childhood with the new an improved version of the grump.

Debbie bought the dog a birthday gift as well. He turned six in FebruKerry. Now Debbie doesn't mess around when it comes to shopping. She likes the good stuff. She was glad to see he liked this over priced owl. While Debbie was here I heated up some leftover meatloaf to snack on. There was one piece left when we were done. She says.....can I give this to the dog. I say...Sure. She says...Should I heat it up for him???? I think is she for reals?????? Signing off now! "Hey Universe thank you so much for that in the millions winning lotto ticket".

Friday night I crashed your party!

I ran lunch up to Aidan for his birthday Friday. The kids are off school on Monday which is his real birthday. This is a little tradition I started on their Birthdays, let me tell you they hold you to these little traditions. They don't remember that I said clean your room, stop fighting with your brother, but they remember these traditions. Think long and hard about the traditions you start because you are stuck with them forever. Oh the things I do for these people. He got to sit on stage in the cafeteria, not because it was his Birthday but because he earned good tickets. He was disappointed that his best friend was sick that day since you get to pick a friend to sit with. He picked another boy. The boy excused himself early to go to the nurse. All I can think is great he has infected us. I ask him if he is feeling ill. He says....No I'm a diabetic. I feel so bad that this sweet little boy has to deal with something like this.

Friday night I had a little girl get together at my house. When I have these parties we always end up with some male crashers! I guess that's a good thing. It means we are hard to stay away from. My friends want to meet my new boyfriend. I say......... Oh shit, be careful! My boyfriend sucks the life out of animals. You might not want to put your dog that close to him. I was rudely interrupted from my party when my 13 years old and his friends got caught ding dong ditching in the hood. Now we have all been thirteen before and have dabbled in this dumb stuff. The difference is we weren't so dumb...because we didn't get caught. This is a new not so not improved generation of kids. Now they ding dong ditch in their group and they all stand in the persons yard with their hoodies over them. The last one to run is the star of the show. Of course their going to get caught with rules like that. All I can think is one we live in Texas where people have the right to shoot if your on their property.....And two, damn it our house has dropped in value to the tune of 100k....I can't afford to move! The last thing I'm thinking at this point is I have a LONG road ahead of me.

Hub's says....."It's so hard to describe. It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like....gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it's not the earth holding you anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you do anything for her, be anything for her....You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother." I say....."Oh Boys quit making me blush." Then I think about what he just said. I say......."As long as your willing to do anything for me....please go get me an expensive pair of boots. As long as your willing to be anything for me....be a sweetheart and grab me a beer. I really don't need a protector, I think I've done alright my 41 years. A lover.....is that thing of yours ever going to slow down???? A friend that sounds nice for a while. You really creeped me out with the brother thing...now that's just gross~! Oh yeah and as long as you said you would become anything for me can you please become the house manager and find all the shit for these people, that they can never seem to find.

So Saturday Dad..aka..Grump, Mom..aka..Debbie, and Ella..aka..the golden jerk fly in for a visit. They come in kind of late so all we have time for is dinner before the golden one has to go to bed. Debbie is in my room reading the golden jerk a story when I come in and find Edward. I look at him and say...how did you get in here??? He says...the window. I say... Do you do that a lot???? He says...Just the past couple couple of months. Debbie is so taken back by the golden jerks charm that she doesn't even realize there is a hot ass vampire standing bed side. That's alright he only has eyes for me!

Even though the golden jerk has stole the Grumps attention away from me. I'm so excited that she is here for a few days. I'm very thankful to my twisted sister and Buzz that they let her come. I can't wait to hang out with her.

After checking on them I go back out and the Grump says....Did you know Lady GaGa is in your laundry room???? I look at him funny and go check it out. Ohhhh, the Grump is trying to be funny. Maybe he is not as Grumpy as I make him out to be.

So I got a Stylish Blogger Award from http://grandmasamazingjourney.blogspot.com/ other wise known as "Predictable me " my blogger friend. I'm so excited. The sad thing is you have to do some things to except this award. Now I'm not computer savvy at all, twisted one got me on this blogging thing. She showed me how to upload pics and write on this. I know, I know, I need to come to this century but I'm a little slow. If there was just a hard drive I could pop in my head and it would input all the info I want. Easy button, right! First thing is I have to Thank "predictable me"...so I truly thank you! Then your supposed to share seven things about yourself, so here goes....

1...I'm am the only girl in a male driven house, even the dog is male.

2...My dream in life is to be a rock star...but since I can't sing that is out.

3...My only real wish in life is that these people I live with end up happy, healthy, and wealthy.

4...I have a voice in my head that constantly tells me what I'm doing wrong...plus it tells me what to do...Crazy?????....Maybe!

5...I often listen to the "Ask the Universe" CD...and ask it if I could only wake up brain washed into the person I want be.

6...I love photography and I love writing. I need to get better at both.

7...I think it's strange that "predicable Me" happened upon my blog. We are both Mothers who love our families. strange thing is we both suffer from the same crappy disease. I don't talk much about mine....because "ignorance is bliss". Truth be told the damn thing does get me from time to time. Not to mention it haunts my thoughts!

Next thing on this list to mention 15 bloggers you like! I only read three other blogs...One being my twisted sisters... http://fromdogstobaby.blogspot.com/ Two being "Predictable Me" three being http://dooce.com/feed_main/feed Sometimes I click on my twisted sisters friends blogs...but they really only make me feel old! Truth be told I'm more of a TV junkie than a bloggy junkie. I almost wish that cardboard Edward would bite my ass so I could stay up all night watching TV. So "predicable me" thank you again for my award, I have to call twisty to walk me through this thing, but I was really happy you nominated me! Sometimes you kind of feel like that person with a lot to say but no is listening. I award the Stylish blogger award to "predictable Me" back! I also award Twisty and Dooce.

Anyhow, since I'm behind on this blog. Today was Cole's B-day. Damn it, don't they know it's FebruKerry??? Why the hell I had not one but two kids in my month is beyond me. So I took Grump, Debbie, and the golden jerk to the airport. Cried all the way home. Not before we brought Sonic and a home made cookie cake up to Cole at school. On my way home I stop at Target to get a small gift for Aidan and Cole. I give it to them and they are like....is this it??? Really????? You have a bunch of relatives that send you cash, you have Hub's and me who make your B-days special, you want ridiculously b-day parties. You ask is this it????? All I can think is where did I go wrong???? What do they want??? A three ring circus??? I feel deflated. Who raised these ingrates???? Oh yeah, Me. I went wrong somewhere I need to figure this out.

Hub's and I had come across a video on the flip that put dumb and dumber in a situation. We are in our bedroom talking to dumb and dumber. All I can think is these two are really on the short bus taping themselves in this situation. So we are parenting at our best . All the sudden Cole..aka..Dumb..not to mention drama....starts to cry. Hub's says....Go to your room if your going to cry! He looks over at me and starts this very dramatic as if he was two tantrum and says.....I just want to get out of this room! Me. I'm thinking I just want to get out out of the room as well..."Ignorance is bliss" as they say! I tell them I'm going to beef up the security cameras in this house. Their little mouths drop open when I say I'm installing them outside as well. Cole has gotten in the habit of saying "WOW" in a most dramatic way when he doesn't agree with what were saying. I liked to slap that "WOW" right off his face. I can't in fear that he is my child that would call CPS on me and beef up the story. So I'm going through E-mails. Cole is across from me doing homework. He looks up and tells me that I don't understand kids at all. I look at him and say....Oh I understand kids, I get it more than you think, which is why I need to hold you accountable for your actions. If all the "WOW's" in my face weren't enough he has the nerve to tell me I shouldn't have had kids. I feel Dumb founded with this one. If this is a payback for my raising I'm sorry Grumps and Deb. Now universe please change this kids attitude. Once again sorry for mis spellings, bad grammar, and run on sentences. After writing these I don't feel like checking them. I need a ghost writer. Debbie would be great! More to come soon from the Golden Jerks visit!