Sunday, December 2, 2012

Life is short

So Hub's got wind that I told some people about my little accident. So he is all like..."KERRY, why would you tell people about shitting yourself?". I say..."Cause shit stories are funny as shit". He is like..."I think your the only one who thinks that is funny". I say.."No, everyone I told thinks it's really funny. He says.."If I were you I would have kept that shit to myself". Then he says.."they don't think it's funny, they think your ridiculous and they are laughing at you". I say..."No, they are laughing with Me". There is a difference. So I get a picture text from my brother in law. It says something about gambling on a fart and not shitting your pants. I show Hub's the picture when we get home from a friends house. He is like how does Joey know???? I say "he must have read the blog". He looks at me horrified and says..."you blogged about it?". I say again..."yes, shit stories are funny, I have never heard one that didn't make me belly laugh". He says.."I can't believe you blogged about that". He says.."A lot of people read your blog, what are you thinking?". I say again..."Shit stories are funny". He says.."It's not funny it's embarrassing and people I work with read your blog". He asks...if I'm embarrassed facing people who now know what happened. I say.."No I was sick, it was awful but all you can do is laugh at something like that. Plus as a result I heard another persons belly laughing shit story. He says.."I'm not laughing". Then he rolls his eyes and goes to bed. Get out of jail free card for me tonight if you know what I mean!

So I called Mom...Deb Downer today. She was on a Christmas house walk and told me it was funny I called because she was thinking about me. I tell her about what happened. She is belly laughing. Then she is like did you call the health department. I say.."No". She is like you need to call the health department and report that restaurant. Waaaa, waaaa, waaaaa!

When I wrote that story last night I forgot to include a funny part of the story. I raced home to beat everyone. When I got there the dog met me at the door. I walked carefully to the bathroom. He followed me sniffing me like crazy. I couldn't get him away from me. I wonder what he was thinking. Maybe something like...."what's this???? My mom normally smells good, what happened to her". I didn't even know how to start to clean this up. I got into the shower in my clothes. Stripped down in the shower while the dog sat outside the shower watching with this weird face. I ended up throwing my clothes away.

I have to tell you about the funny text going back and forth between my twisted sister and me during this situation. Every stop light I was at I text Kelly to get my mind off of this.

My text....I crapped in my pants
Kelz...No way! Where are you???
My text...In my car
Kelz...On your way where??
My Text..I was at the outlets. So I have an hour drive home.
My text...I know!
Kelz..Holy shit
My text...Shut up!
My text..YES, lots!
Kelz...What are you going to do with it????
My text...Drive home...what can I do???
Kelz.....How many times is that for you now???
My text...shut up...I smell really bad!
Kelz....You need to blog about it!

My other friend I called keeps texting me. All her text say is hello, POO, POO! My text back to her say...ASSHOLE!

Life is short...I was reminded of that tonight. I was at a dinner with friends. I found out that a wonderful lady I know lost her husband in a tragic accident. It took me by surprise because I had not heard about it before tonight. My heart really breaks for her and her family. I can't get her out of my mind. If your reading this please say a prayer for her and her family. They have three daughters and the story is awful and heartbreaking. It just puts stuff back into perspective for sure. We can't take life for granted. A single moment can change everything for sure. I think we forget that sometimes when we sweat the little stuff. There are so many people out there going through awful things. My thoughts and prayers are with her tonight.

On a final note....I'm sorry if I have offended anyone with my shitty story. Hub's makes me re think it. I think if I can't laugh about it I might have cried about it! I think it's better to laugh...Maybe a little TMI though. I do have a better shitty story from years ago but I don't want to send Hubs over the edge. It is kind of ironic that the night before this happened my last statement on this blog was....I either need to shit or get off the pot! I hear you universe loud and clear! I shit now I need to get off the pot! I just wish the universe was hearing my unlimited money for me thing. Hello Universe I will say it again...I want perfect kids and unlimited funds.

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