Spreading Christmas cheer

 I haven't been on here lately. It's because I've been busy spreading Christmas cheer. Fighting traffic, buying gifts for overindulged kids, hanging in malls with people beaming with holiday cheer(insert sarcasm) and singing Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La, La,La at the top of my lungs! I'm not sure why but it seems like Christmas has come out of no where this year. I feel like Thanksgiving was just yesterday. I guess it's this getting old shit. We used to have all these Christmas traditions we would do. Looking at lights, baking cookies, making gingerbread houses, and decorating the house to the point where it looked like Xmas throw up in it. I'm sad to say we haven't done any of them and frankly my kids don't give a shit. As much as some of those things seemed like a big cluster fuck mess in the past, I'm sad those days are gone. Really!!!!! My kids have seen enough Xmas lights in Xmases past to be good for awhile. Though the younger ones seem to still be talking about the night my friend Kim took them to Santa's ranch. I guess they have just seen enough with me. I have tried to take them but they denied me every time. I even tried to get my newly retired Dad to bring my niece here so I could live through her for a while. Denied again. Ya know I call him Grumps for a reason. I am joking, anyone who knows my Dad knows he's the best Dad ever. See I'm Xmas cheery. My kids have finally realized my cookies don't taste like Grandma's. They have no interest in me blowing up the kitchen and bitching. Only to taste a cookie that looks good but just doesn't taste right. I can cook like a rock star but the baking thing I just can't get straight. The only thing I can get right are the pretzel rolo bits. You just need to not burn these bitches. Baking for dummies for sure! The gingerbread houses they haven't brought up. I'm alright with that. I don't miss those. The decorating was a hot mess this year since most of Xmas is lost in storage somewhere. We are in rental while building a dream house. I think I have false memories of the kids decorating with me. When I really think about it, it was all me. Besides the cluster fuck of ornaments Aidan would put on the front of the tree. Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La, La!

 Tonight I pointed out to Hubs how beautiful my Christmas wrapping is. He looks at me and says it looks nice. I say..."Nice?". He's like..."Yea, it looks nice, what do you want me to say?". Well since you asked..."I want you to think like a girl". "I want you to notice the careful detail to the colors blending perfectly". "I want you to comment on the pretty bows". "I want you to notice there is no Xmas past wrapping paper mixed in to mess up the color scheme". He looks at me and laughs and says the color pallet looks good and walks away. Color pallet????? Is he serious??? He's trying to one up me with big words like color pallet. Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! There is one gift that bothers me under there though. Aidan insisted on wrapping one. It looks awful. I want to re- wrap it. I see it every time I walk by even though I tried to hide it. I can't re-wrap it because he is so proud of it. I don't want to break his spirit. Damn it if that badly wrapped gift isn't haunting my OCD brain.

After this I tell Hubs how mad I am because the bottom half of my pre-lite tree is no longer lit. We just bought it at Garden Ridge last year. Hub's told me to go get it after I had a meltdown when we set up our last pre-lite tree and only one strand came on. He says..."Your not getting another one". I know that! I just want a frickin pre-lite tree....to be pre-lite. Not half lite! Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!

 Did I ever tell you I love my dog???? How cute is he. So tonight the dog sat under the tree. Licking his lips...missing my Xmas cookies. Are you laughing??? Dogs will eat shit for Gods sake! I sat on the sofa watching shit TV. I was watching "Private Practice". Charlotte was talking to her son who had just followed some school kids and made a bad decision. She told him don't be a sheep who follows...be a Shepard. So Blake..aka...the not so charming prince comes down. I steal that line. I say.."Hey Blake you should not be a sheep in life". He says.."what's a sheep?".   Typical teenage brain. I say "A sheep is a follower". I tell him to be a Shepard. Before he can say.."What's a Shepard?".  I tell him a Shepard is a leader. He looks up from his 11pm ramon noodle bowl and looks at me like I'm crazy. I tell him not to be the kind of Shepard who leads his sheep through the mud. Muddy sheep are not pretty, they are supposed to be white and stay clean. He drops his bowl on the counter and starts to walk away. I say..."Do you know what I'm trying to say here?". He gives me a head bob and points his finger at me. I say.."hey dude Shepard's put their bowls in the sink and rinse them". So he rinses it and off he goes, no words! Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La La!

Aidan..aka..pig pen has done a few things to amuse me this week. He has the biggest Xmas list of all my kids. Probably cause he is the spoiled baby. He has a huge list of baseball stuff. He happens to be that super smart kid. Not a lot gets by him. I think he is a secret Xmas spoiler. Every time I come home with a gift and hide it before I can wrap it, he ends up saying something about the thing I just bought. So one day I bought baseball gloves. I didn't have time to wrap them yet. I stuffed them in a drawer. That night he told me how bad he wanted gloves. I really didn't put two and two together yet. I just thought I was the rock star of Xmas. Next I bought a bucket of balls. No time to wrap I hide them in the boat. That night he told me how bad he wanted a bucket of balls. Even said the brand name I had bought him. Then I bought him a new baseball helmet that was not on his shit list. I hide it under the bed till I could wrap it. That night he says..."I really want a new baseball helmet". Alright cats out of the bag...kid is that crazy Xmas present finder. I say.."You are snooping at your presents aren't you?'. He looks at me and says..."You need to find better hiding spots". WOW, these gifts were all hid in different places. Places I thought they would never look. I don't know why I thought I could leave gifts un wrapped, I was that kid who snooped like a crazy person and knew everything I was getting Xmas morning. Which is how I found out Santa was a fictional character. At least I let my parents think I was surprised Xmas morning!  All I have to say is Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La.

Another Aidan story. So I found out something that happened to Blake this summer did not go down as I thought. I will not blog about it because I do have a small filter even though some people think I don't.  I was on the phone with Hub's going over all the reasons I should have never believed what him and his friends told us. This is my first run with a teenager. I should know from my teenage years that if something smells fishy it probably is. So Aidan later that night tells me he has a "theory" about what happened to Blake. He then repeats everything that I told Hubs over the phone. I tell him "You heard me on the phone with Dad and you stole my theory".  He is like.."No, I thought this for a long time and I'm just now telling you".  I tell him there is no way because you just repeated every word I told Hubs on the phone. He does this Charlie Brown line smile and says.."It's what I thought happened all along". I say..."Your such a story stealer and I have your number". He just walks away with nothing to say! That's what I thought "story stealer"!!!!!

Final note....I started doing Zumba three weeks ago. I'm doing Zumba four days a week. Three weeks and going strong. I love the class. It makes me not want to strangle my kids. It is a stress relief for sure. You would think after three weeks I would shed a pound. Not so much! I have not lost a pound even though I leave there as if I just got out of the shower. Bullshit I say! I sticking with it though. Even if some chick told me I need to change my diet to lose weight. I made a deal with God, If I work out I can eat and drink.  I'm busting my ass so I can eat at my age. This is new for me for sure. I was that girl who could eat and not work out before 40 hit. I refuse to be the fat friend...so I'm sticking with this even if my new found belly is sitting in my lap as I write! Who knew...Oh yes all the assholes who told me it would catch up to me! I have to say...I'm not going to proof read cause It took me a long time to write so it is what it is...judge away! Someday when my Mama quiets work she will proof read and re write for me!