Saturday, May 25, 2013

Yep, I drove around once again with a penis drawn in the dirt of my window! Life is good...

 So it's Friday night!!! Can't you just hear Billy Joel singing???? "Friday night I crashed your party, Saturday I said I'm sorry, Sunday came I crashed it out again" "I was only having fun, wasn't hurting anyone". Unfortunately, I was not crashing any party. I was taking kids to jump wild. A place that has become a torn in my side. I may burn it down in the middle of the night. I hope you know I joking but jeez, the owners know me by name cause we are there so much. At least they are great people, it helps! You would think I could get a discount for being "frequent flyer's". The guy did say if I worked there the kids would jump for free. I may need to since I could have a damn nice car payment if my kids didn't go there every weekend. The nice thing is it's a three hour babysitter. I don't have to listen to them fight. They can go beat the hell out of each other in dodge ball. So I dropped them off and headed to Flores with a few friends who's kids were also jumping wild. It was good to catch up with them.

 When it was time to pick the kids up I got in my car to drive back there. It was a foggy night. When the oncoming cars were passing I saw an outline of something drawn in the dirt on my windshield. At first I thought..."Not again". Then the next car passed and I realized that someone once again drew a penis in the dirt of my window. This one had balls and a pee hole. This one was on the drivers side window. The last one was on the rear window. There is no telling how long I drove around with the penis in the rear....No pun intended.
 I walked in to get the kids. The owner addressed me by name. I flipped him the bird and said "Thanks, I could be driving a BMW. I'm really just kidding. I only flip the bird in my head or behind doors! So the kids get in the car. We are waiting at the entrance to pull out. Light hits the window and Cole starts to laugh. Another car passes and Cole says..."Look in front of my mom on the window". My kids have two friends in the car. They all start to laugh uncontrollably. I say..."What's so funny?". Cole says..."Do you see what's on your window???". I say "Yes". I say.."It's not funny". He laughs and says.."It's so funny". I say..."Which one of you drew it???". Pig Pen and him both deny any foul play. I say.."There is an award for the person who comes forward". They both claim they did it and want to know what the award is. I'm a mom though. I can tell when they are lying. They were both as shocked as me when they saw that penis.

So we drive along. The temp in the car is "69". Cole starts this annoying giggle. He says..."Look at the temp". Everyone in the car starts to giggle. I say..."What are you all giggling about???". Cole says "Nothing". Pig Pen who can't lie says..."It's 69 in the car". I say "What's funny about that???". Silence, crickets!!!!! I say.."Y'all are stupid silly". Thinking they have no idea what 69 is since I had no idea until I was older and someone had to tell me what it was!!!!!!!! Way older than I should have been. My Grumps will be happy to hear this. I say..."Y'all have no idea what your laughing about and your being just silly". Cole says..."I know you flip around". I say..."Stop right there Cole". Sign of the times!!!!!!!!! Too much info is out there for our kids!!!!!!!! This parenting stuff is for the birds in this day and age. Oh damn, I just sounded like an old crotchety person.
So I get home with more kids than I birthed. We are watching Blake's coaches dogs. We go to let them out and play with them. It's Cole, his friend, Pig Pen, and I. The dogs go out. I sit on the sofa and play a game on my phone. Their key is in my lap. The dogs come in and I tell the boys to play with them for a while. One jumps in my lap to kiss me. Dogs have a strange attraction to me. It's as if they know I like them more than most people. When the dog jumps on me I hear something drop. I check my keys which are in my lap...they are still there. So I kiss the dog back. It's not the worst dog I ever kissed in my life. We get ready to go and I realize their key is what I heard. It fell in the sofa. I try to find it. I can't feel it. I tell the boys since their hands are smaller. We seriously spend an hour trying to fish this key out. I'm starting to sweat wondering what I'm going to do. I can't leave their house open. We get in their drawers looking for something like a ruler. We find one. Cole can feel the key with the ruler. We still can't get it. It is too deep to fish out. I'm super stressed. Thinking I'm going to have to sleep here. I look around the kitchen for keys hoping they have another. I find a set of keys. Since he is a coach it is his school set. I may have thought I could totally pull a crazy prank cause I have my hands on school keys. My mind comes out of the gutter and I realize we are screwed. We fish some more now with a butter knife. No luck. I walk around the house looking for keys. I see a key holder with lots of keys. I grab some. After trying a few like ten, I find one that works. Thank you, God! I tell the boys I found a working key...we can go. Cole is stressed out about the key they gave us. I say..."They are not going to care, they will laugh and be happy I didn't sleep in their house all weekend".

After we get home and they can't be quiet I think maybe not finding a working key wouldn't have been the worst thing. Blake....aka...the not so charming prince is MIA with friends. I text him to check in. He text back that he is home at a friends house. I text...."Did you draw a penis on my windshield???". He text back...."I did the last time but not lately". I text..."Well there is another penis on my window". He text.."wasn't me". I text.."bullcrap, I can tell your brothers didn't do it, which means it's you". He text..."It was Mary". Mary is his girlfriend. I text.."really???'. He text...."no, I'm joking, wasn't me though". I say.."it's giant, with balls and a pee hole". He text.."cool, wasn't me". So it's a mystery. Who drew the penis??????? Totally wish I was a psychic.

Anyway, in a perfect world I would have won the power ball. Hello Universe your not hearing me!!!! Things would  be so different. I would be in rehab/spa about now with Twisty. Where is that Universe I read about???? The one that promised to grant the things I ask for?????? BTW, Universe I don't love looking at penis on my car. I have seen enough in my lifetime to be satisfied. And Omg, why don't these people I live with sleep???? I took them to jump wild..for Gods sake. I'm so being punished for my teenage years!!!!!!!  ARE YOU HAPPY GRUMPS AND DEBBIE.....I'M PAYING FOR MY RAISING!!!

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