I'm not even half way through the book and it has made my top gift list for anyone I know that is pregnant. I only wish I read a book like this instead of that "What to expect when your expecting" one. While I was trying to read once again last night. Aidan was hosting a sleepover with three of his friends. No, it was not his B-day!!!! I'm a pleaser...I need to work on that. The book is not helping me yet. My kids are not the one friend kind of kids. They come with gangs. It's hard to leave kids out on something like this since they play together everyday. They drove me nuts. I wondered do these shit birds ever tire out. Nine is a bad age for boy sleep overs. They are way too rowdy and loud at this age. At 12:30 they came down for the umpteenth time. I said again.....GO TO BED, OR AT LEAST BE QUIET. One boy says....We are staying up till 5am. I say...why would you want to do that???? He says...We want to sing that song...ya know the one that goes..."It's five O'clock in the morning, the conversation got boring". I did laugh a little. Then I thought not only are a lot of us over indulging our kids. We are also letting them listen to music that is way over their heads. These kids know too much at their age. I remember a while back I think Aidan was seven at the time. We were driving someone to some practice. Remember we spend a ridiculous amount of time in the car. He was singing word for word...."I can make your bed rock". I looked in the rear view mirror at him and thought.....Damn, I'm going to mommy hell. Granted he didn't know what it meant but geez. We are a music family. We all love to listen to music, sing, and dance. My kids know the words to every country song on the radio. Well actually the know the words to almost anything on the radio. Cole can belt out some Adele and Taylor Swift like a rock star. Unfortunately almost every song these days have to do with sex, drinking, drugs, bad breakup, messed up relationships, and so on. Another time I came into Cole's room he had his iPod on and was dancing in the mirror singing about brushing his teeth with a bottle of Jack!!!! Hello Mommy Hell my name is Kerry!!! So the music they listen to is sending the message that sex is alright, drinking is fun, drugs are alright, and bad breakups are the norm.
I'm at the part in the book where she introduces yard work into the bed making, room cleaning, and cooking. It's kind of starting to make my head spin. It scares me to think about trying to do this with my kids. See she is right we have come to expect failure from our kids and ourselves. It is so much easier to do it all ourselves. Easier and more peaceful. I don't know about you but it drives me to the point of insanity to hear them whine. Earlier I was talking about bribing my kids. Like I said I'm guilty as the next for this bad behavior. I bribed my kids before they even needed to be bribed. I taught them that they could get something for acting good even before they acted bad. I take pictures, if your friends with me on facebook my pictures probably drive you nuts. I have taken lots of pictures of families over the years. Most of the families with small children bribed their kids through the whole session even before they needed to. They would say things like....If your good and smile we will go to Toys-R-Us after this. They would bribe them with junk food and ice-cream. How about your ass is grass if you don't smile and act right???? While she is introducing yard work into the picture. She talks about all the crap in her yard and garage. Balls, shoes, trampolines, too much of everything. I start to think of my own yard and garage. Too many balls, shoes, baseball bats, football crap, chairs, toys, bikes, motorcycles, scooters, skateboards, talk about over indulging. I'm ashamed!
Recently before I started reading this book I realized that I may have loosened the ropes too much for my 15 year old. I had to pull them back in. I set some new rules. I told him that this sleeping over at people's houses I didn't know that well were going to stop. I also told him there were a few friends that I would not allow him to hang with. For the most part he hangs with really nice kids. There are just a few (Two) that I question. That Mama's intuition hits home on this. He learned a valuable lesson recently...The guilty by association one comes to mind. Anyway, we live in a small town as I have said before. Everyone and anyone goes to the Friday night football games. I made him stay home. It about killed him but hurt me more. When I got home he told me everyone was texting him how fun it was! I thought...good. The next night he got to go to movie with some friends. He called me and begged me to allow him to stay over at a boy's house. There were a bunch of them going there. I held my ground and said No! I'm getting better I swear. This was hard for a pleaser like me.
It is funny that while I read this book my head spins. I keep thinking my kids will never be able to do all this. I really don't want to keep up with all of this. Remember there are three of them. But honestly I don't know because I have never tried. In the book she talks about how her kids did not realize the privilege of ownership. How when she started this her kids had no idea what it meant to maintain a home. She is a blogger too. So she gets comments from people. One mom had written in about kids parties. How we all try to one up each other on "Loot Bags". Loot bags that end up in the trash the next day. Kind of wishing I had all the money back from the "loot bags" over the years! The author talks about what we don't see won't hurt us. I'm an ignorance is bliss girl all the way. I even talk about it on here. Then she says, We all know the problem is there, we should do something about because it is our kids we are talking about. I feel really guilty about now! She says we are dropping seeds in our kids everyday that scream insecurity and inadequacy, greed and consumerism, selfishness and cynicism. I did have to "google" one of those words. My sister....aka...Twisty will have a field day with that. We pretend that problems aren't real. Are we going to be there to fix all these problems when they fly the coop? I don't know about you but I want to be on a long expensive vacation, I don't want them living with me and latching on to my overpriced insurance.
She too has a teenager, so see she started this experiment with him late. That does give me a glimmer of hope. She describes him as the...see and say whatever you want fairy came to visit him on his 13th Bday kid. She talks about how money is important but not to her kids. I get it my kids like lots I see around town are walking around with 30 dollar underpants and 14 dollar nike socks. I always thought is was important for them to have to latest fashions everyone else had. I remember this being important to me as a kid. What I forgot is I raised funny witty kids who have no problem making friends. I bet if they were not walking around in 14 dollar socks they would still have the same friends! Shame on me for teaching them this. She talks about kids being way over served these days. Did anyone ever cook meals to please??? I came from the house where you ate what you were given. So what if I spit a few things out in my napkin. Or excused myself to spit something out in the potty. I did not come from the one where if you didn't like it you could make a sandwich. I do have mixed emotions on this point. There are some things still today that I wouldn't eat for a ridiculous amount of money. But I have taken this a bit too far in my house. They at least need to try!
She talks in the book about how some parents shell out hundreds of dollars on coaches, tutors, and you name it. They do this to build confidence in their kids. We could do all this at home for free. She was at dinner with a friend who was talking about how children these days are not required to do meaningful work to help the family. We make them go to school, pursue way too many extracurricular activities, staying out of trouble is their biggest function. We don't expect as much as we should from our kids. The parents that do this have kids that feel a sense of self worth and the kids are very proud of what they are doing.
We're at the mall today indulging our kids in stuff they need for school. I'm one of those that does school shopping after they start. You never know what has changed since last year. The black socks with shoes is throwing me. It reminds my of my Polish neighbor as a kid mowing his lawn. Just doesn't look good, but what do I know???? So Hub's and I stop at the food court. I order cheese fries and a Dr pepper. He looks at me and says... we have been together half our life now. Is he about to say something romantic???? Of course not! He says.....I have never and I mean never saw you make a healthily choice in what you eat! I can't say anything.....because he is right! I laugh, sad I know. I was trying to eat right and work out. I have not only fallen off the wagon but the wagon wheels are missing too. I think how can I expect so much from my kids when I don't expect so much for myself. What comes to mind is Friday nights football game. At 11pm I stopped at a gas station for a Dr pepper in the morning. In my defense I don't love coffee. I knew I had a full day of sports the next day. I had the little guys with me so they too wanted one for the next day. I have taught them well right??? The next day they forgot about them so I drank all three!!!! We are or I am for sure a work in progress! So tomorrow is my Monday again when I swear I'm going to change.....good luck to me once again!!! So my grammar sucks plus my spelling...remember I have never said I was a good writer on here! I'm once again too tired to proof read. This has turned a little bit into a on line diary for me! Girl needs to get this shit out of her head so she can sleep! Good night from "LaLa" land!
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