Hot Mama

Last night I woke up at 2:30am in a pool of water. I stumbled out to the kitchen and put my head in the freezer. I've done my part of frickin hot flashes and I'm ready for a get out of jail free card. I fell back asleep and woke up two hours later. I found that I had pulled my shirt up to my neck and pulled my pants down to my feet. I had no recollection of doing this. I guess I got hot again. That or I had a dream about the Vamp??? It kind of freaked me out that I didn't remember doing this. It's sad that sometimes I wake up and wish I could dive in snow to do a naked snow angel. Who knew the thought of that would excite the hell out of me. At this point I think being a man is the better way to go. They don't get periods, they can't give birth, they don't go through mental pause, they look good with a few lines on their face, and no one ever says anything if they have a little bit of belly. Plus all this little shit doesn't bother them. Oh yes, and they don't have to find every one's shit!

We had a pretty busy weekend. Friday night we headed out to the new dance hall in Dripping Springs. Great people watching. After my friend and I hit up What-a-burger....and I wonder why I can't lose weight. We waited in the drive through for a very long time. While waiting we were watching this drunk lady through the window. She kept falling asleep in her food. Then she would bounce back up and her eyes would roll back in her head. She kept making the ugly drunk face. It was so entertaining. After we got our food we pulled up ate our food and watched some more. Remember I always say this is a small town. So I knew this girl. She has kids that go to school with mine. I felt kind of bad for her. Why would her date take her to What-a-burger that drunk. Under florescent lights too. People don't look good under those on their best days. Not to mention there were a ton of towns people in there. I bet she felt like hell the next day. Note to self...Don't ever get that drunk in public in Drip. Assholes like me are watching.

While my Mom was here last week we went shopping in Wimberly. We were at this artsy fartsy store. Now my mom can poke around a store longer than anyone I know. While waiting I saw these "worry people". They were little people about the size of my nail. There were five of them in a bag. It said to tell them your worries and put them under your pillow. While you sleep they take your worries away. If only in a perfect world right????The very light on his feet sales guy sees me looking at them. He says in his very squeaky cute voice...."OMG, those worry people really work, they are amazing". I say.."Really?". He says..."Oh yes, they have done wonders for so many people". I'm a sucker for anything that someone gets that excited over. I swear someone could sell me shit on a stick if they made it look good. So I bought them for Pig Pen since he is such a worry wart. When I got home I gave them to him and told him how they worked. He has been using them every night. They have worked like a charm for him. Now these little worry people are made of yarn. Last night Aidan calls me in his room. He is a little upset. I say.."What's the matter buddy?". He pulls his worry people out from under his pillow. He says..."One of my worry people broke". I say..."What do you mean one is broken". He pulls one out of the bag and it is unraveling. I'm not sure what the face is made out of but it has flaked off and the pieces are in the bag. He then says..."Their not going to work anymore". So I sit there and think......"SHIT" in my head!

I sit there for a minute with my mind racing for a good reason why the worry person is disintegrating. I say...There are five of them so they will still work". He says...."But their a family and they work together". I say..No, they will still work". He says.."But you told me they are a family just like ours and they work together, and now one is broken so they won't work". I think shit I'm broken and we still work. I can't say that! I say..."Did I say that?". He says.."Yes, you did". I say...."I did say that but I didn't say if one started to unravel and their face falls off that they would not work". I tell him because he was so sick last week the worry person worried so hard that it took a toll on him and he unraveled and his face fell off. I say "that means they are totally working for you, doing their worry job". I say "look at me I'm unraveling and I'm still working". I'm not as put together as I once was. He looks at me and says..."Your lying". I say.."No". He says..."bring me the computer". I ask "why". He says.."I'm going to "google" worry people and see if they work when they break". Damn "google"! Google is a cuss word for me in many ways! Google shopping is number one for sure. Damn kids find shit they would never know existed on "google"! Then when your trying to bullshit them for their own good they can "google" check you. So I say...."I wouldn't have ever gotten you these if I didn't believe they couldn't help you". He buys the bullshit and goes to bed. I'm thinking I'm going to make a trip up to Wimberly to buy a year supply of these people. They were a cheap solution to an ongoing problem. I will tell him that the worry person healed himself. I'm smart like that. I would do and say just about anything to help get this kid through this worry thing. I wish I could just have a magic wand that would take away anything bad for my kids. I would be a magic wand crazy fool.

So Hubs leaves tomorrow to Atlanta. Years ago he used to go for a few days. Since budget cuts he only goes overnight for one day. I'll take what I can get though. Naked bed angels and fast food are in my future! Life is going to be good tomorrow!