Back to working out. Truth be told I was blessed with a high metabolism and good genes till 40 hit. I never had to do a damn thing or watch what I ate. People used to tell me it would catch up to me and I heard none of that till it happened. I do believe some of those people got a little giggle when it did happen. It's sad that I used to have a pretty perfect body and never knew it. I covered it up always never thinking I wasn't cute enough or skinny enough. When I look back now I think damn if I had that I would flaunt it. I would just walk around in a bathing suite and heels all the time. I had a nice ass and a rock hard stomach that I used to cover up. So after 40 I realized I not only had to workout, I had to eat good too. Plus even doing both I would never be able to look as good as I did doing nothing. It was a shock to me that I all the sudden had to do both. I'm a work in progress. I'm trying. I promised myself I would eat more vegetables and fruits. These were never a big deal to me in the past. The older you get the more you worry about this stuff. Not only to try to maintain a healthy weight but also you start to worry about your overall health. This is why I have drank a Nutribullet everyday since New Years. I do feel a difference. Maybe it's all in my head because I feel better that I'm getting veggies and fruits in my diet. I'll take what I can get though. Whatever works to ease this overactive mind.
The next resolution I had was to see a bunch of doctors. My overactive mind makes me fear almost everything. So I have a list...a shit list as I like to call it. I wish there was a one stop shop where you could get everything done. So today I hit the dermatologist. A friend of mines brother just died of skin cancer in a matter of months at a very young age. So I wanted to get a cancer check which I have never had. I made an appointment in Westlake...this is where all the good doctors are. When I walked in the place was like a museum. Huge building with all the bells and whistles. They have a spa there, a plastic surgery center, and a dermatologist center. I felt overwhelmed right away. I walked past people waiting in the spa. I walked past husbands waiting in the plastics section for their wives. Kind of wishing Hubs was there waiting for me to look ten years younger. I was shocked at how many people were there on a Thursday. I went upstairs to the dermatologist center. I walked up to the counter to check in. Everyone behind the counter had perfect skin with no winkles and their lips seemed to be slightly pumped up. They all looked pretty perfect. I got called in and the nurse that saw me first had visibly had everything done you could have. I have to say she looked really good. She asked me the standard questions on family history and meds I'm on. When the doctor came in she looked really young. I had my phone out that had a picture of three kids on it. She asked if those were my kids. I told her those were mine. She asked what ages they were. I told her I had a high school one, a middle school one, and an elementary age one. She told me she had her first baby three months ago. I knew she looked young. When did I become the older person???? So she does the check. She tells me everything looks good. I have three moles though. I ask her if she could remove them just to be safe. She says "Yes". She tells me they will have to numb the spots to take them off and the numbing is painful. After what happened to my friends brother I think better safe than sorry. So the perfect nurse comes back in. She has shots in her hand. She tells me the shots will be painful but it's the worst part. And let me tell you those shots were painful.
So I start to over think all the crap I just signed off on about allergic reactions. The room is getting a little fuzzy and I think my throat is closing up. And I wonder why Pig Pen fears everything....Hello he inherited that from me. The doctor comes in and I'm trying to hide the fact that I think I'm about to pass out or puke. Looking for the closest trash can at this point. She is making small talk with me. Asking me if it's hard to raise a teenager in this day with all the social media. I tell her it is so hard. Thinking if all this social media was around when I was a teen I would have been in big trouble from Grumps. She has me lay down to take off the spots. I close my eyes while she does this. I can smell a burning smell. Which makes me want to puke more. Being a doctor was never in my cards! So it's over before I know it. I feared it for no good reason. When I first made the appointment I was going to ask about botox and a few things to turn back the hands of raising kids. I could barely get through getting a few moles taken off though. That conversation never came up. Even though the image of those perfect people with no lines and perfect lips are on my brain. I'm truly a chicken shit!
Next on my shit list is to get a colon check. I fear this like crazy. My mom...aka..Debbie has been on me for years about this one. She had colon cancer which they said was a gene. Told her all her kids needed to be checked at a young age. Don't think I don't look for red every time I take a shit. I know I have to do this but for some reason I don't want to know. I have no idea how I would handle it having three kids. I would be a complete mess. But I fear it since my mother had it. There is the other side of the coin where if I got checked and didn't have it I could not think about it so much. Damn shit is going to cost me 1000.00 dollars too. I hate to spend money on shit like that...no pun intended.
Last I need to see what my MS is doing. This is the one thing that scares me the most. I have not had a check in a very long time. I don't really want to know if it's progressing. I research the meds on this all the time. Not a fan of any of them yet. I was on meds when I first got it and it was the worst time of my life. The meds are worst than the disease to me. I took myself off them cause I want to live happy. Any medication that says could cause cancer scares me. Not to mention that when I did take the injections I feared them for a good reason. They made me feel like I was dying more than once. I almost wish I didn't know I had this. I think I feel worst because it's always there on my mind all the time. I'm the queen of ignorance is bliss. I think of most people I know that have dealt with something awful. I do need to get a check though. I do feel my balance is not what should be.....Zumba helps. I do know that I need way more sleep than any normal person.. I do realize that I repeat myself and don't say things right. I can't drive straight or park straight. The scars on my brain are here and making it known to me everyday. I need to buck up and face it head on!
On a final note......I was in the car with two of my kids tonight. We were talking about who would get them to school. Aidan...aka..pig pen said he wanted me over Dad to get him to school. Cole...Aka...Drama said its because he could complain to me and dad doesn't put up with it. Hello...I'm way scarier than Dad WTF!
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