Saturday, July 23, 2011

Twisty and me!

While at my parent's house I was laughing at all the pictures of Twisty and me through the years. I was an only child the first eight years of my life. I remember being in Catholic school all of my friends were from ridiculously large families. Those Catholics must have took to heart that no birth control thing, I'm guessing the rhythm method doesn't work well. Now that I'm older I can't imagine all these women who spent the best years of their lives barefoot and pregnant. My Grandma included. I think my Grandma stayed pregnant every other year from her early twenties to her late thirties. At that time I wanted nothing more to be from a huge Catholic family. I have always had an overactive imagination. I pictured myself the youngest with ten brothers and sisters. I wanted the old ass parents, not the super young ones. I was mortified that my Dad would drop me off in the latest hot orange camaro. Where was our station wagon with the wood paneling? I hated when my friends would think my parent's were the hot ones. It was embarrassing. Now my parent's got married right out of High school. They were 18 and 19. That's another thing I don't get anymore. I can't imagine marrying the first guy I had puppy love with. I do think sometimes what life would be like with my first puppy love. Can't find his ass on FB so I have no idea what I would have been in store for. Kudos to my parents for still being married. Marriage is lots of work. When I was in the eight grade they were only 33 and 34. Most of my friends parents were in their 50's at this time. I almost wish I could reverse the hands of time and rock the "hot" parents instead of being embarrassed. Who knew I had the "it" parents! Anyway, I remember when my Mom told me she was pregnant, I was thrilled. Finally someone else. I didn't realize how great it was to be the only one. I got all the attention. I was the first all around, first child and first grandchild on both sides. I was domed from the start since I was used to having every one's undivided attention. This will haunt me forever! So Twisty came along and she was totally overrated. I think I would have been fine being the only one. I had to help out a lot since I was older.

This picture Cole said....why do you and Kelly have long Afro's in this picture.
After Twisty came I will never forget when my Mom came into my perfect for a princess room. I had the most expensive and perfect yellow canopy bed. My Mom came in to kiss me goodnight. She said.....I have some news for you. I said...What! She said I'm PG again! I said....NOOOOOOOOO! This was when Twisty wasn't even a year old! Not another one of these! Please people I already got my thunder taken away from one and now there will be two? I didn't realize how good it was to be the only one. I take back everything I said about wanting to be from a huge Catholic family. Didn't anyone ever tell them that three is a crowd. Bullshit I say, but no one is listening to me. So next was a boy! A boy are you serious, Dad always wanted a boy. I'm screwed for sure. The funny thing is back in the day as most parents will say....there was no finding out what you were having before hand. You were surprised for sure. So Joey came which by the way came from a long line line of Joe's in the family. So Kelly and Joe in the early years were a torn in my side. I had to help more than I thought I would have to......remember my parent's were still in their twenties when they had them! Second family......Hello! I had to babysit for them in middle school and high school. I'd sneak my friends in while babysitting and beg them not to tell. The second my parents would walk in Twisty would throw me under the bus. They told on me for everything. Twisty especially. She even made up shit on me to get me in trouble, my cousin Sherry witnessed this first hand.
The worst was when Twisty told Dad...aka...Grumps and Mom....aka.....Debbie that I was making out with a boy on the sofa and he had his hands up my shirt. This went over like a fart in church. I don't think it should have counted against me since I had no boobs. I tried to lie but Twisty went into great detail about the nights shenanigans.I had to drag her around a lot with me when I was in high school. One time we were supposed to be staying home together. I wanted to go to my boyfriends house who lived on the fox river. Twisty and I jet skied all day. On the way home we had the windows down trying to dry out our hair before we got home. We were on target to walk in about five minutes before our Mom. It was so funny we laughed all the way home as she held her hair out the window. She reminded me of a dog.

She was my maid of honor when I got married. I think she was all of 17 at this time.We went to one year of Catholic school together. Matching outfits....scary. Now even though we were eight years apart in age Mom....aka....Debbie seemed to find us matching outfits for Christmas and Easter. It was really annoying not to mention embarrassing being ten and being dressed to match a two year old. Debbie did this kind of stuff through the eight grade to me. Can you imagine being 14 already in your awkward stage and going to church in matching outfits with your six year old sister. I would post the 100 pictures of these matching outfits but I'm still too mortified from this time.

Twisty and I messed with my brother at times. One time when we were home alone with him, he came in and said he ate a granule of fertilizer. We most dramatically told him he would be dead in the next five minutes. He started to cry and begged us to call our parents. We said there was no point in calling them since he would be dead before they could make it home. Poor little guy was hyperventilating before we told him we were joking. We have had our fair share of bad hair days. We could have also been on an episode of "what not to wear". The nice thing is I can always count on Twisty to be brutally honest with me, as I am with her. She would ask does my ass look fat in this? I wasn't the girlfriend that would say.......No girl you look good. I would say hell yeah get something else on. When were out shopping she will always let me know if I'm picking out something dated or too young for me. She will tell me if something looks like shit even I think it looks good. She will say hell yeah you put on weight.....when your friends will all lie. We tell each other when we don't like the others hair, shoes, jewelry, and makeup. It's not to be evil most times, it is because we always have each others backs. Even if we do take a sick pleasure in seeing the other one get in trouble with Grumps and Debbie. Not to mention we might enjoy throwing each other under the bus from time to time.Twisty went through her mean tough girl stage on more than one occasion. Here she is rocking a black leather jacket with zippers.....hehe. Love the snarl on her face. Me.....what was I thinking wrapping a pair of underwear on top of my head and curling my bangs under like a jelly roll. At least I have a smile on my face. I think the funniest thing I remember about Twisty was when she wanted to be Michael Jackson. She got the the red leather jacket from thriller and even rocked a white glove........strange right? Me one the other handed wanted to be Olivia Newton John in grease. I wanted to be the awkward girl turned into the hot one. The one that got the "it" guy, in the end. I got an Olivia Newton John record and would try to sing it just like her. I even recorded myself singing . The sad thing was I thought I sounded just like her until I played it back. Through the years I have always been surprised when I here my voice on a recording or a video how mousy it sounds. I have always wanted to be a singer sadly I have an awful singing voice. When Twisty was really little she wanted to be a boy. She dressed like a boy and even cut her hair like a boy for a while. Me I always wanted to be girly....I almost died when Debbie got me a Dorthy Hamill haircut in the third grade and I looked like a boy. I don't think I will ever have short hair because of that. I blame the fact that Brendan O'Donnell never looked my way all through Catholic school on that haircut!Over the years we have shared great details over bad first kisses, awkward first kisses, and good first kisses. We have always told each other all of our deepest darkest secrets with no fear that we will be judged over them. We have counted on each other to always be the voice of reason even if it's harsh. I always tell her please tell me if I act like this or dress like this. She will say to me don't ever let me do this or that. We went through our super way too blond stages in life. These are too many to count.

She has been an awesome Aunt to my boys....all three of them. She was even in the delivery room for my last one. We got in trouble from the doctor since we couldn't stop laughing when I was supposed to be pushing. I wish you could have seen the faces she was making at me during this time not to mention the hear the shit flying out of her mouth. It was all her fault I swear. She can be overly dramatic. She would look down at where the baby was coming from me look back at me the with the strangest faces and say something crazy........which always started with an OMG. I think we annoyed the shit out of that Doctor.I swear blonde's do have more fun! We always have great times together. We keep each other laughing most of the time. We both try to be the center of attention....I win most of the time. I'm older though. I taught her everything she knows.....that should count for something. We fight to be Dad and Mom's favorite....I win hands down. I'm the pleaser in this gruesome twosome. She likes to push the envelope. I have learned to bite my tongue. I guess you could say I'm the smarter one. Truth be told she is the smarter one graduating in the top percent of her college.....there is a name for that. Since I am not as smart I can not recall that name and I'm too lazy to "google" it. I'm sure she will let us know on some smart ass comment. We both can spot a hottie from a mile away. I like pretty boys and she likes the rough, used, and old ones. She crazy crushed on Dan from Rosanne....while I have always been the Rob Lowe, Brad Pitt girl. The only one we really see eye to eye on is the Vamp. We try to spot Vamp look a likes everywhere.

It always drove Twisty crazy that people would ask us who was the older one. This happened often. This ended after I had my third child and started finally showing my age. Now it never happens......SAD what your kids do to you!We both love a good practical joke, especially if we are the master mind behind it. A lot of times we think we are funnier than we really are. We are both the first one's to set the other one straight. we will say something like.....That really wasn't that funny, so get over yourself. We love to take silly pictures....ya know the "hey look at me kind of picture".

Anyone who knows me, knows I am rarely sappy. I am almost like a dude in sense. My friend Robin and I laugh about this all the time. I always wanted a sister, actually I wanted more than one sister. After I got one I didn't want one for a while. Now that I am older I realize I only want one sister. We fight and we talk shit about each other....nothing that we would ever not say to each others face. We are bestfriends forever. We can count on each other for everything. We have the best times together. We laugh and sometimes act like we are still kids. I only hope some day that these people I live with will feel the same way about each other. BTW, Twisty when you read this...I still think I am the funny one in this twosome.......Remember I taught you everything you know. Not including Math or English. Can you spell check and grammer check this for me when I print it for these people??????????

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