Kids go away and the Mom's will play

While in Chicago my Dad took the kids to the Sox game. This for me meant at least six hours of uninterrupted shit TV. It also means I will not hear the word MOMMMMMMMMM for at least six hours. If I said I didn't do a happy dance watching them pull away I would be lying.

On this day Mom....aka...Debbie was going to be taking the kids to six flags. This for me means twelve hours of pure bliss. I look forward to this every summer. Happy dance once again in the driveway. I think my parents neighbors just might be having cocktails at night talking about the Kane's crazy ass daughter doing happy dances in the driveway. I could just hear them. the guy across the street that seems to always be walking his dog that resembles a bear more than a dog would say.......Do you think that oldest Kane girl has a screw loose???? His wife will say.....why do you say that???? He will say....I have caught her doing this little snap crackle pop dance in their driveway.....by herself. She will sip her cocktail and say...I haven't seen that but I did see her pacing around with her hair standing straight up talking to herself. The ones right next door will be sipping cocktails in their house. The guy right next door is like a fine wine....he just keeps getting better with age. They seem to have these perfect kids, perfect manners, perfect grades, perfect looking, and just plain perfect kids. If anyone these people have the right to judge. I just wonder how they pulled this shit off. I picture the fine wine saying........Did you hear the Kane's oldest daughter loosing her mind and yelling at her children like a three headed monster????? His crazy beautiful wife who's kids haven't aged her a bit will say.....No I didn't see that but I did see her shot gun a beer in the driveway. Then they will both shake their heads and say.....so sad...everyone couldn't be blessed with our perfect kids. The ones down the street that have known me since my high school will be sipping their cocktails saying......Did you see the oldest Kane girl?????? Those kids really did her ass in. She used to be cute and look so freshed faced.....now she has giant ass bags under her eyes....not to mention her hair stands straight up on her head. They will take another sip, shake their heads....and think...so sad in their heads.

After Mom....aka...Debbie takes off with the kids to six flags and after I happy dance in the driveway, I go back to bed. I wake up three hours later to meet my Aunt's and cousins for lunch. Lunch is good, all I have to worry about is me, myself, and I. Twisty goes too. So she lets her two year old enjoy a cocktail. I'm not judging, are you?????

After lunch Twisty heads home to let my niece....aka.... the golden jerk sleep off that cocktail. I head out to do some shopping with my aunts and my cousin. I am rudely interrupted by my Dad..aka...Grumps calling me to tell my to call my Mom...aka...Debbie right away. I had been in IKEA where I had had no service. I guess Debbie had been trying to call me for a while. I call Debbie back and she is mad not knowing I had no shirt, no shoes, no service and wasn't getting her calls. She yells at me your son is sick and you need to come pick him up. This is followed by a six flags sucks, I'm never coming back here again!!!!! Followed by...I spent fifty dollars on lunch and half went in the trash....not to mention the three hundred dollars I spent just to walk in here. Then there was how long the lines are! Hello Debbie this is why I don't go here. Sadly she said the same thing last year, now she finds herself in this same sad situation. Did she ever hear the saying fool me once it's your fault, fool me twice it's on me????? So I get in the car in pretty much rush hour traffic to pick up my sick kid. I'm in the car four hours back and fourth to get him home. Happy dance is no more, I might just have gotten punished for happy dancing in the driveway. This is not really what I had in mind for this day!

What the puck happened to the generation of children that were scared shit less to get out of bed and mess with their parents??????????? Mom I hurt my balls.....Mom I need a drink......Mom I can't sleep.....Mom I have bad thoughts I can't get out of my head! Guess what Mom has really bad thoughts in her head about now too. My sister had a shock collar for her bad dog. I'm thinking if we could shock the hell out of dog we should also be able to strap these shock collars on kids. It won't kill them, it will just make them shut the hell up. Oh I can just imagine myself holding that little remote control........Mom so and so is touching me.......I would push that little shock button with a ear to ear grin on my face. Car rides would become bliss! Evil thought......evil laugh. Note to all, no kids really had cocktails nor did any kids really have shock collars........don't think I'm still not thinking how shock collars for kids could be a real thing.....It may just make this next generation alright. Screw these all about me , myself, and I kids we are raising!