No pictures tonight! My kids have awful haircuts so I refuse to post pictures or take pictures for that matter. Last night I was on a momism roll maybe a beer roll too. I was mortified at all the bad writing I did. I fixed some today. I really do need a ghost writer. I think too fast and can't keep up with the typing. I'm always too lazy to proof read. Hope you had a good laugh. After I wrote about it a few friends reminded me of a few more. A few more I remembered while driving around trying to find new cushions for my outdoor furniture. Which btw I went to five different Tuesday mornings getting them all. Is it sad that I'm super excited about my new cushions????? It's the little things that make me happy at the end of summer. Hubs is going to be really mad when this months bills roll in. When I'm in a funk shopping makes me happy and I'm in a funk right about now. So anyway here are a few momisms I left out last night.
1....Have you lost you mind....
To me...this means I can't believe my eyes. I can not believe how stupid you are and I can not believe I birthed you.
To them....this means what are you talking about?????
2....I'm not just talking to hear myself talk.
To me...this means....They are just not hearing me. Not listening. Oh yes and I am talking to hear myself talk. I would bet a million dollars that they would hear me if I said I was taking them on an unlimited shopping spree......
To them...this means....What??? I didn't hear what you said!
3....This is one of my favorites. I can't believe I forgot it last night. I say this a lot. As long as you live under my roof you will do as I say!!!!
To me... this means I expect them to be my personal little army doing everything I say. I do have a famous saying in my house. I goes something like this.....Do as I say not as I do. This seems to backfire on me a lot.
To them.....This means nothing, they are going to push the envelope as long as they can. They do not care if I end up in a padded cell saying..."Hello padded cell my name is Kerry".
4....Don't let the door hit you in the ass....
To mean...this means....I'm ready for you to move the hell out. Good luck too ya!
To them....This means Mama needs some happy juice!
5....you catch more bees with honey...
To me....this means all this whining will get you no where with me....All this whining just makes me want to slit my wrist.
To them....They don't really get that whining gets you no where in life. Some day I hope they get this!
6....Because I said so....
To me....This was really a thorn in my side as a child. I hated this saying more than anything. This is the saying where parents really don't have a good excuse for not wanting you to do something. They pull out the last resort statement which happens to be.....Because I said so....
To Them....They hate this saying as well....they want a reason for why I have not decided to cater to their little asses today.
7....Don't make me come in there...
To me...this means please stop whatever your doing because I really don't want to get up off the sofa to see. I really don't want to know what your doing either.
To them...this means better stop now because Mama's head will be spinning if she has to get off the sofa and stop watching the housewives which she thinks she should be on.
8....If you can't say something nice keep it to yourself....
To me...this means I'm sick of hearing my kids fight and insult each other.
To them....They really don't give a shit or hear what I say. So they continue to insult each other.
9...You can pick your friends but you can't pick you family...
To me...This means they are stuck with me at least till they are 18. If they don't like it too bad...I pay for all their shit right now.
To them....this means right now their friends seem to me more important. They seem to bend over backwards to please them. Some day they will understand that I always had their back with the good, bad, and evil things they did. They will owe my lots of money someday.
Alright....one last famous one........"Am I embarrassing you?"
To me...this means....I hope I'm embarrassing you....because I just don't give a shit. Just call me the honey badger. I will go out of my way to embarrass you because I find it amusing.
To them....just my existence embarrasses them. It does matter if I'm dressed cool or their friends like me. To them I'm old as shit and I am not at all cool. Some day they will get that I was way cooler than they were.
So tonight we were headed to see our former neighbors new house. They happened to move away because of our crazy neighbor. Their house sold! Our house is still sitting here on the market. It's funny because this week I ran into Aidan's Dr who happened to look at our house. Since we are from a SMALL town he happens to be everyone in the neighborhoods DR. I asked him if they found a house yet. He said..."NO". I said mine is still on the market. He said..."It's funny you say that"..."because when I looked at your house two people I take care of saw me there"....."They called to tell me that the neighbor was crazy and that's why the people are moving". My house is so beautiful, the kind of house I dreamed about living in my whole life. Yes the neighbor is crazy but his house is for sale too. I in my lifetime have owned four houses. Each one of them sold super fast. This one not so much. I'm not moving because of him...I would never give him that satisfaction. I'm moving because this house is too big and I'm sick of cleaning it. Plus the taxes are way cheaper where we want to move. Maybe I can go in the shop if we move! Oh wait, Blake is going to be driving and off to college soon....the shop does not seem to be in my future.
Anyway we were driving to our favorite former neighbors new house when the kids started fighting. I may have had a bad mommy moment and said something like I don't give a shit. Aidan in his soft spoken voice says..."Mommy your the honey badger. Hubs really does laugh out loud. I know what your thinking....why does my nine year old know what the honey badger is. Don't judge, he is my youngest! My oldest showed him this video. Remember I'm tired and lazy for Gods sake. Anyway Aidan tells hubs every time we are freaking out Mama says....Don't be a honey badger....just don't give a shit. Yet another proud parenting moment for me. I know I have some grammar mistakes in this but once again it is too late to proof read. It is what it is so judge away....remember I am the honey badger and I just don't give a shit!!!!!!!!!!!
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