Grandma

My Grandma has been gone for two years today. It kind of seems like forever to me.  I miss her everyday. She was by far one of the greatest people I ever knew. I know everyone thinks their Grandma was the best thing in the world. Mine really was. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. I never heard her say bad stuff about anyone except the Cubs when they were loosing. She was never caught up in anything materialistic. She just really cared about her family. She was so amazing. She always made me feel like I was something great. She crazy loved my kids too. She once told me they were the cutest kids she had ever seen. I felt a little bad when she said that since she had so many boys of her own. I guess she forgot how cute they were at that age.

She used to do her kids homework...she was great in math. I wish my Dad had inherited that trait but he never did my homework. She made me mac and cheese every day. I spent lots of time with her as a kid. She used to poke my youngest Uncle's with a broom when they were fighting in the front room. I never got that about her till my oldest got bigger than me and I could no longer pull him off his brother. She was amazing did I say that? I looked like hell tonight for her journal. I was going to copy something she wrote in it. Since I'm in a rental and lots of stuff is in boxes I couldn't find it. She was a great writer. Her stories in her journal were clever and interesting. She used funny words from her day which is why  I wish I could find it. She was honest and witty in her journal.

I dream about her almost every night. It makes me feel close to her. Sometimes I wake up and want to go back to sleep so I can see her. I still have a hard time believing she is gone. Ya know when you have that one constant thing in your life...that was her. I always knew what I would get from her and it was unconditional love. The older you get you realize that is rare and hard to find. I think she is amazing in so many ways. She had an ass load of kids...she was like the women in the shoe. She lost a few before they were born too. She lost one when he was just 18. I never got how heartbreaking that must have been till I had a son of my own. I can't imagine the pain she held over that the rest her life. She talks about it in her journal. She was on a plane to one of her first vacations in a very long time when it happened. She talks about how she felt this deep depression all the sudden. She chalked it up to some place she was flying over that caused depression...I can't remember what she said but it was something that people got a bad feeling about when they flew over this. She realized it was not that at all when she landed and found out her child was killed by a drunk driver.

She also lost a child from cancer before he turned 40. She was heartbroken. I can't believe the heartache she endured in her time. I remember when I was in high school and had pissed my dad off in the no return way. He was so pissed he said he could not look at me. He took me to Grandma's house. She didn't judge she just made me mac and cheese. That was huge at this time for me. When I wasn't being accepted from my parents for damn good reasons. She didn't say a word and just took me in with unconditional love. I will never forget that. There are so many great things about her. She raised great kids. They have all turned out to be great people. You realize what a huge accomplishment this is after you have kids of your own. She had seven! Not to get one who is a hot mess is something big! There was no black sheep. They are all great people. She not only raised all her children to be responsible adults and loyal....she also took in her mother in law, her mother, and her brother into her already overcrowded house. Never complaining. I wish she was here now. In a perfect world Grandma's would be around forever. I wish I was like her! She is missed so much everyday by all of us. I'm so thankful that my kids met her and remember what a great women she was. RIP....Grandma! In a perfect world I imagine you just as pretty and young as that picture...kicking it up there with Gramps and your kids. You make me want to believe there is a afterlife because I can not imagine never being able to really see you again. Missing you always! I hope your looking down on me now because I could really use you about now.  You are by far the greatest person I have ever known and I miss you everyday. I still feel bad that when you were dying and I had thought about all the things I wanted to say I couldn't. I just held your hand and cried. You just rubbed my hand as if you knew everything I was thinking. I hope you know what what an amazing person you were to all of us! There is no way I'm proof reading mostly because it would involve tears...so deal with the bad spelling and bad grammar.