Then I thought back to my week with them thus far. I remembered Pig Pen almost made us late for school over socks. We only have twenty pairs in the drawer. He couldn't find a pair he liked. I pictured tasering his ass at the sock drawer. I'm LOLing again. He would jerk I'm sure and look at me like I was crazy, probably start to cry but I bet we wouldn't have a sock problem again. Then I pictured Cole..aka..Drama this week. I had to redirect him at least ten times on his homework last night. I imagined myself sitting in the chair next to him with my taser. I'd zap his ass every time he started to drift off into LaLa land. He would very dramatically start to cry and say "You don't like me as much as the others I knew it"! I'd taser his ass again. I bet homework hours would become homework hour! I pictured the not so Charming Prince demanding I stop for breakfast tacos because he was going to die of starvation. If those tacos didn't sound so good to me I would have never stopped. I would taser his ass and say..."You still feel like your dying of starvation or do you just feel like your dying now? ". He would not cry. He would probably say something like "What the Hell, your crazy". I would taser his ass again and say "You want to see crazy?". Then there is Hubs. He would say.."You know what you need" (Wink, wink) I would say..."Yes, I do and I have a new toy". LOLing again!!!!!
The tasering would become a problem for me. I'd taser them to get in the car, to eat their veggies, to get up, get dressed, do homework, to get away from the TV, to get away from the computer, to go away, to shut up, to clean up, to flush, to say please, thank you, and say yes Mama you are the fairest of them all. I would be a tasering Mother Trucker. I can no long use extreme foul language on here. It makes my Grumps mad. I need to stay the favorite and stay in the will. They would threaten to call CPS on me. I would dare them with my taser in hand. I would have two and I would learn to twirl them like they used to do with guns in old westerns. Wow, I got a little carried away with this. I feel the need to say....since there are so many uptight peeps out there. I would NEVER taser my people I live with. Even if the thought makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
Reading her text inspired me to "Google" tasering children. Hope the cops won't be checking my computer any time soon. First thing that poped up was "Taseler TM for kids". I of course had to see what this was about. It said "Taseler for kids Only 99.95". I thought relatively cheap for such satisfaction. It said it guarantees you'll have children that obey. I did think "NO SHIT". Claims your kids will be the best dressed kids. I don't know about best dressed but I bet they would be the fastest dressed kids. Says it shoots six barbed spikes at the press of the trigger. That warm and fuzzy feeling is coming over me again. Says it's lower voltage for children. You can use it on kids as young as six. Then the web site has something called Taseler news. The news says it only has 20 mild injuries reported. Teachers get 25 percent off. Says the wounds heal in 72 hours! Also says...It's not that bad it only feels like tiny fish hooks in your skin. I text my friend to tell her to look up this web site. She text back...."Holy Shit, can't stop laughing...I love that they say it conditions them for when they get tasered by police later in life". Once again I would not ever taser a child, I only think about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment