Spring Break rules! If your in college doing beer bongs, kissing strangers, and puking on beaches! So I was sitting here thinking about Spring Breaks past. I thought back to Mexico. I went with a group of girls. We had gone to this crazy bar where they shot foam onto the dance floor. I was super short so the foam was over my head. I started to suck it in and I couldn't catch my breath. I was trying to find my way out of the foam thinking the whole time my mama is going to be so upset that I died drowning in the foam. Obviously I found my way out. Then there was Mexico again where I sucked beer out of a baby bottle held by a stranger in a very inappropriate place. My friend won cause she cheated and bit the nipple off the bottle. There was the beach trip where I puked up moonshine and then proceeded to make out with a boy I never saw again. I wonder why! That same beach trip my girlfriend was trying to do too many beer bongs. She puked in front of the huge crowd of hot guys right after......Good times...good times! Then there was the cruise my two friends and I took. We should have researched. It was no singles cruise. It was a cruise filled with couples and families! We did manage to make friends with the single hotties working there. Thinking about all these spring break past scares the shit out of me now that I have kids! I left out some of the more inappropriate crap since Grumps reads this! Thank God this was before Facebook, instagram, and camera phones!
So the other day I missed a call from my Mom...aka..Debbie. She hates when I call her Debbie since her name is Joanne. She's a bit of a Debbie Downer though. She left a message for me. When I listened she said..."It's Debbie Downer calling". I really did laugh out loud...LOLing. I knew if she was calling herself that she was calling to tell me a Debbie Downer story. I called her back and she said I have a Debbie story for you. I didn't know what to expect...you never know what she's going to say. Especially since she reads the obituaries with her morning coffee. I have heard about more people I don't know deaths from her. So she is telling me how she was on the computer reading about the Pope. A few weeks ago she called to tell me she thought it was odd the Pope was stepping down. WAAAAA, WAAAAA, WAAAAA! She came across some website that talked about one of those people who predicted stuff. She told me there will only be 112 Popes. The one stepping down is 111. So I say..."Are you trying to say the world is ending?". She says "that Nostrdomis(?) guy predicted this too". Then she tells me the last Popes name will be Peter. I start to tune her out.....thinking why does she tell me this stuff! If that next Pope's name is Peter I'm going to crap my pants. I'm also going to go out and find Pitt and Clooney....it's on like donkey kong! Sorry Grumps! She did say "Now don't go telling Aidan, I know how this worries him".
Speaking of Debbie. I was cleaning up my Email tonight. She is an Email sending fool. There are days when she forwards me twenty something Emails. It's everything from Walmart people to how to know if your having a stroke. Some I read and some I just delete. One tonight that I was LOLing at was about how people came up with different shit. It said who was the first person to look at a cow and decide to squeeze it's utters and drink what came out. I often think about stuff like this. I do wonder who thinks of things like this and why we all join in it! This cow thing got me thinking. Wondering what asshole did think of that and how it happened. Was it someone stuck on a farm with no food or water???? Were they desperate and decided to squeeze that shit???? Was it a perv trying to get it on with the cow????? Who thought to crack eggs that were housing future chicks and eat them????? Who was the first person to kill a cow and eat it's insides???? Why did they think it was a good idea???? I still cuss the person who decided to shoot poison in our faces to get rid of wrinkles. Do these people sit around baked trying this crap out???? I could go on forever, but I won't bore you.
Another Email that had me LOLing from her was "Learn Chinese in five minutes".
1. That's not right.....aka Chinese.......Sum ting wong
2. See me...aka Chinese.....Dum Fuk
3. Did you go to the beach...aka Chinese...Wai yu so tan
4. Staying out of sight...aka Chinese...Lei ying lo
I think my all time favorite Debbie story is when John F Kennedy Jr died. She called me and said..."Something strange happened to me". She goes on to tell me that she was dreaming JFK Jr. died in a plane crash. Then she woke up turned on the TV and it had just happened. I called bullshit. I said..."Was your TV on while you were sleeping?". She said.."NO!!!!". I did find that strange. I told her if she ever dreams of me dying not to tell me. I want to be surprised when I go!
Final notes.....Weird people like to tell me weird stuff. I was at CVS today. There was checker who knows me by name now. One time he was telling me how he turned his apartment into a Jimmy Buffet scene. He put up lights and even put a baby pool filled with water in his living room. I bet he's single. Especially since he's at least 30. So today I was there buying lipgloss and peeps. He says...."Ya know, if you put those in the microwave they will explode". I say.."Really, you've tried this??". He says.."Yes, but put a clear glass bowl over it and watch, this way you won't make a mess". So I'm sitting here tonight unable to sleep wanting to put one of those peeps in the microwave to watch them explode. Damn it if we don't have to turn the clocks forward!!!!! In my perfect world life would start at noon!!!!!!
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