These People I Live With: Spring Break, Twisty comes to town.

Spring break has come and gone super fast. My sister Twisty came to town with the Golden Jerk. When she comes I can always count on good conversation, belly laughs, and shit TV. The day after she came we headed out to Lake Conroe for a few days. On the way there she bitched about my driving. Then we were having one of our strange conversations. I said..."Do you ever feel like your going crazy??", "Like you could possibly end up in a crazy house some day?" She laughed and said.."Yes". Then she said..."It might not be that bad though". She said.."Imagine, no responsibility except to take your crazy pills and act like a loon". I thought that sounds surprisingly relaxing. Thinking I may need to fake a mental break if these people keep taunting me the way they do. I often imagine myself faking alcoholism. I think rehab sounds fab! In no means do I mean to insult someone who truly has a problem. I know how awful that can be. Remember I grew up Irish/Catholic. My heart goes out to anyone who suffers from any addiction. Mine happens to be DR. Pepper and Cheeseburgers!

While in Lake Conroe we/I became obsessed with this black guy. We had the best time people watching at the resorts pool. I said.."Look at that black guy".....He slithered around like a cool snake ready to take out his prey. She said..."What's your obsession with black guys?". I said..."I never dated one, never even thought about it, but there was this night at a club when I watched a black guy dancing next to a white guy...it was downhill from there". Plus it was too late because I already married the white guy who dances like he's shooting guns. I said..."there is something about their confidence and the way they move". She laughed and said..."Look at his girlfriend, they like big bootie too, so your all good". Then we talked about how they are rumored to not like to go downtown. We realized why we stalk from afar. It would never work. I do have to say...I know I'm married but I'm not dead either. Looking at "hotness" is a natural thing. I also know if a hot fit super slithering beast of a girl walked by Hubs, him and his friends would have a conversation too. Hub's even asked who the black dude was in our pictures. I simply said..."pool eye candy". He said nothing but did roll his eyes.

Our trip was filled with a few cocktails, lots of fattening food, tons of laughs, and it went too fast. On our way home I set the GPS in motion. We took a wrong turn and ended up driving through downtown Austin. I said we would get home at 7:00 pm. We would have actually got home at six if we didn't take that wrong turn. Twisty said..."The Universe heard you and now were not going to get home till seven". I said or growled ...."Why doesn't it hear me when I say I'm going to win the lotto??". I was getting frustrated...I hate driving downtown. The traffic sucks and there's a red light every few feet. She was texting my friend who was with us in Lake Conroe. I asked what she was texting her. She said.."I told her you took a wrong turn and now your growling as if you are the devil". We laughed!

After we got home we relaxed that night or maybe watched a shit load of shit TV. We never met a housewife we didn't judge. For you people who watch the housewives do you ever notice they have no winkles, have perfectly plumped up lips, and seem to have someone to help with everything??? Cooking, workouts, kids, get driven everywhere, and take fabulous trips. We could all be that fab if we had to watch ourselves on TV and had ridiculous amounts of money. BTW, no ones chin has no fat at their age....they get that shit sucked out. Their lives are just as messed up as ours but they look good messing it up. Slightly jealous.

The next day Hubs and I took Twisty and the Golden Jerk to their first rodeo. When we pulled up the Golden Jerk said.."I'm so excited for the rodeo". Hubs asked her "What's a rodeo". She said..."I don't know but I'm so excited". I love this kid! We did have a great time. Too much money but great people watching. We went with lots of friends. One of our friends name is "Boogie". Ella sat with him and his son for the rodeo. On our way home a little voice came from the back. It said..."Kerry, is your friends name Boogie cause he is the Boogie man???". I seriously almost wet my pants. I told her he is not in fact the "Boogie man, there is no such thing as the boogie man". Then I said something about how strange the moon was to Hubs. All of the sudden I hear her say.."Aidan, do you see how strange the moon looks??". She repeated everything I said word for word to Pig Pen. I call her out for being a story stealer. Twisty says..."She's a lot like you". I think..Damn I knew loved that girl.

Saturday we went to Erin and Zack's for good conversation and better yet a damn good meal. After that my most amazing Hubs took all the kids home and put them to bed so Twisty and I could go to the local dance hall. There was this guy there kind of stalking us. He had a mustache that looked like something from a seventies western. He came up after stalking us for at least two hours. You know the stalking...winks and all. He asked me to dance. I said..."NO". Twisty was like go dance with him. I told him she was from Chicago and needed to be schooled on how to two step. So they went out to the dance floor. When she came back she said.."he was not a catch but was a good teacher".

Sunday we had a photo shoot with the Golden Jerk. There were so many great shots I could post at least 100. I won't bore you with our family vanity though. Facebook is good for that! Sadly they had to go home. In a perfect world they would live here! Weather is better for sure. I will miss them. My sister is my best friend. Who knew, she used to throw me under the bus for no good reason when we were kids. I have so many funny stories about us over the years. What I love about her is I can count on her for everything. She judges me, but she's not phony she calls my ass out. She told me while she was here that I yell at my kids for nothing but then I don't yell at them when they need it. I tend to ignore the big stuff. Sometimes I think this parenting thing is too much for me. I want to hold my white flag out and give up. I wonder if I'm the only one who feels that way. It's so hard to be the voice of reason and the enforcer sometimes. I find myself seeing things I should correct but I ignore them to stop a fight. I can be lazy like that. Like food in the bedrooms. My sister knows the good, bad, and the evil about me....we are still friends! We talk about everything, she is the one I can count one to be honest even when I don't want to hear it. She is the one who still has my back even if my back is full of hair. I have her back too. I think she is an amazing sister and an even better mom. My most favorite times I spend with her. The Golden Jerk did her regular thing...she stole my thunder. Singing perfect songs, telling funny stories, and looking damn cute. When we dropped them off at the airport I cried. She faked cried like an Oscar winning actress. She fake cried and said..."Kerry I'm going to cry night and day cause I miss you". I think my favorite memories of her is when my sister asked her who her favorite person in the world was. She was expecting Ella to say her. Ella did say her at first...then she said.."Actually it's Kerry". My heart melted even if I recognized she is a pleaser just like me.

While we were Wimberly we got a missed call from Grumps which is our Dad. I was getting a Facebook message at the same time. It said Joanne Kane was trying to friend me. I screamed as if someone died. I said..."OMG, Kelly...Mom is on Facebook". She screamed.."No Way". Now we love Debbie but we don't want her on Facebook for many reasons. She will call us out for one. She will ask questions about who the people are on friends pictures. We will have no idea cause we haven't seen these people in years. She will say things like their name is there! We will still have no idea who is in their pictures. She will be a Facebook stalker. A funny one at that! We did get or quick wit from from her. She does like to call me out on bad grammar. She will be shocked about the shit we post. Kelly will have to stop telling "Debbie" stories.

After they left we went on like life never missed a beat. I got right back into getting up too early and getting three kids to three different schools in the Am. Blake my not so charming prince had a track meet in Wimberly. I got the kids to school and settled in to a much needed nap after doing boot camp the day before. Damn this fat for sticking like super glue. I'm trying I swear....I also swear this fat is holding on for dear life no matter what I do. Damn it for not liking a good soda and an even better burger! Sucks getting old! Anywho, I went to meet. My good friend came. I told her to get there at four. He didn't vault till six. As much as I bitch about these people I live with..I love them more than words can say. I'm super proud of my oldest. Ya know the not so charming prince. Even though I would have schooled him more about how how to talk to adults who are there to cheer him on. I couldn't be more proud of him tonight. He beat his record. Getting over 11 feet. He tied for the win. To me this kid is amazing..even if I cuss him daily. That cussing shit is all in my head most of the time! I looked at him tonight when he was waiting to vault. I had an image of his childhood flash in my head. I can't believe how fast it has gone.