Karma came a knocking at my door and it's bitchy

I was so excited for the kids to go back to school Tuesday. What would I do with my day??? Sleep? Shop? Watch shit TV? So the alarm went off way too early. The kids had an awful time falling asleep the night before. They were used to staying up all night hogging my TV and my computer. After I got the kids to school I went back to bed. I thought I was settling in for a nice nap. About an hour went by and I woke up with unbelievable stomach pain. My throat was sore too. I laid in bed feeling awful till 12:30. After I dragged myself up I went to the sofa where I laid in pain. I tried to watch shit TV but found myself watching "Good luck Charlie". I guess I became a little addicted to it after two weeks of it. I laid there feeling worst and worst. I imagined that "Karma" who I pictured as a nasty bitch was talking to me. She was saying..."You complained about your kids for two weeks, looked forward to them going back to school. Now look at you, sick as a dog". "That's Karma sweetheart" . I was yelling shut-up in my head to the "Karma" bitch I was picturing. Thinking "Hello padded cell my name is Kerry".

Three rolled around and I needed to get Pig Pen from school. I didn't know how I would make it because my stomach was killing me. I got him in the car and told him I didn't feel good at all. He says..."You need to take a hot shower, get in your PJ's, and relax". So sweet. I ask him if he will take care of me and if I can live with him when I'm old. He says..."Yes, of course you can". AWE! I say, "What if I'm a crazy crabby old lady?". He says..."I will build you a separate house then". I like his way of thinking since I often picture myself in a seperate house in the yard. I say "What if your wife hates me?". He says...."I will dump her then because I don't like anyone who doesn't like you". AWE!!!!!!! I'm saving this blog entry just in case I have any problems with his future wife!!!!!!!! Bitch is out if I don't like her!!!!!! HeHe...I'm just kidding I swear!

We go home for a bit before I have to head to Drip to pick up Cole. He gets in the car and I ask how was school. He says..."Aright". I ask how it went having a girlfriend in school for the first time. He looks at me with a face only Cole can make and he says...."I'm just not that guy". I say.."What guy". He says very dramatically..." the drama kind of guy". I don't want to laugh because my stomach is killing me. But boy I'm laughing inside for sure. I say..."What does all this have to do with having a girlfriend?". He says..."Everyone acts all dramatic about it and teases me". I think in my head "Imagine that". I can't believe 6th graders could act so silly. I go into my speech. The one about how sensitive girls are. I tell him he better be respectful and kind to her. He shakes his head as if he hears what I'm saying. We get home and I check his phone. I have been watching his text back and forth with her like a hawk. She text something about how annoying all the kids were in school about them dating. She text about some not so nice things kids said. She was rambling, apologizing, asking if he was there cause he was not texting back. She was questioning him and why he was dating her and then apologizing again. Asking again why he was not texting back. She then text telling him people are texting her telling her he's going to break up with her. She text she doesn't want to be the girl that everyone dates for a few days and breaks up with. Oh my, how many guys could this girl have dated she is all of 12. "DRAMA", I think her and Cole make a good couple. Then texting things like "Hello, are you mad at me, do you still like me, am I being annoying. and so on. Typical tween girl stuff. Reminds me of myself at that age. Thank you Jesus I did not have a texting phone or a facebook!!!!! He was not texting back and it was driving her nuts. Typical right???? Girl doesn't get that never gets better! Then I see a text from him that made me want to scratch me eyes out. He text just think of us as "Justin and Selena". I realize right then and there that he hears nothing that I say!!!!!! She text back their broken up. He text back exactly. My heart sank!

So I call him in to have a chat about the text. I say..."Cole that "Justin and Selena" comment is so rude". I tell him I can't believe how mean that is. He says..."I told you mom I'm not that guy". I say..."What guy???". He says..."The dating guy". He tells me girls text too much and their too dramatic about stuff. I get that judging by all the dramatic text. That's not the point though. I tell him that he needs to text her and tell her he was just kidding. I tell him she doesn't want to be that girl the guys just break up with. I tell him to let me text her and fix things. He says "What are you going to say". So he's thinking about letting me text her. I say.."I'm going to tell her you were joking and that you don't want to break up". "I'm going to tell her that you were just bothered by the teasing but you or her shouldn't listen to immature kids". "I'm going to tell her she looked nice today and that you lucky she's your girlfriend". He says..."You didn't see her. How do you know she looked nice?". I say.."Girls like to hear things like that". He says..."Mom, all that makes me sound crazy and you can't text her that craziness". So I sit there and I think he is right. I'm trying to turn him into the guy I wanted in middle school. The guy that said all the right things. He's right he would sound crazy because no 6th grade boy talks like that. Men really are from Mars I'm reminded of that everyday! If only I knew that in my younger years...it would have explained a lot! I tell him please text her and tell her you were kidding about the Justin thing and wait a while to break up with her because I felt bad about what she wrote in that text. I don't want her to be that girl. I try to tell him again how sensitive girls are. He agrees and sends her a "JKing" text. She sends a text about hanging out before school. I may have text back..."Of course". Because that is totally something a 6th grade boy would say!!!! I did get hearts back though! If only we aged in reverse we would be a much better society.I do feel better that he told her he was joking even if I helped him with that conclusion.

Day two of the kids are back in school. I get up hoping to feel better. Not so much. My stomach hurts more than ever. I'm tying to get the kids ready. While I'm doing this Pig Pen is hanging over the toilet telling me he's going to puke. I say..."Come on get ready, you are fine". He has a bad habit of faking illness. I go up to get Blake. When I come down Aidan says.."I threw up". I say.."Let me see". Cause I love to look at puke. So it looks like there's puke in the toilet. I tell him to go back to bed. I take the other two to school. They complain all the way there that Aidan is a faker. I get home double overed in pain and go back to bed. I wake up to Pig Pen eating and playing Xbox. I think he sure doesn't look sick. I'm sick though so I lay back down. I start to panic because I have watched way too much Dr OZ. I start to think what if this is colon cancer or stomach cancer. I start to think this is a different pain than I normally get and it's not going away. And I wonder where the Pig Pen gets his worry from.

I have to go get Cole, Blake, and Blake's girlfriend from school. Blake gets in the car and puts his jacket over his face. I say.."What are you doing??". He says..."Your sick and I don't want it". So much for him telling me to take a hot shower and relax. After we get home I lay on the sofa, hurting! I can't stand up straight without pain. My throat is still sore too. Damn, Karma! I get up to make some dinner. I can't eat but I sit down to visit with the kids while they eat. Blake's girlfriend says..."Kerry, I read your blog". I feel my face start to heat up, my stomach hurts more! I say..."You do???". Knowing good and well I have blogged about her. Now I never use names except my immediate families names but I'm sure she knew it was her I referred to as a "thing". She says.."It's funny". I say "thank you". I ask "do you read it all the time?". She says.."It's been a while". Thank you God for small favors!!!!!! Now I do have to say I referred to her as a "thing" because that's what Blake referred to her as. I was complaining about the fact that he referred to her as a  "thing". He said she referrers to him as a "thing" too. I just don't get this generation!!!! I would never want to be anyones "thing" well unless it was the most fabulous "thing" they ever had! I really like her a lot! My gosh though there is no telling what I joked on here!!!!! BTW, later in the day I realize that Pig Pen threw his cereal in the toilet to look like puke! He is a brilliant ass! Now that I think back it did look like frosted flakes that sat in milk too long!

Day three of the kids are back in school. I wake up with no pain in my stomach. My throat is still sore and I'm super weak and tired. I get all the kids to school Pig Pen included. I go home hit the hay and wake up at 11. I still feel under the weather. I have almost no energy. At 2:00 I manage to get up and clean most of the house. The rental is nice it takes a few hours to clean verses two days. I start to think about the fact Hubs just got diagnosed with Mono two weeks ago. Now the fact that it is the "Kissing disease" is an on going joke with everyone I know. Still wondering who Hubs has been kissing I "google" Mono symptoms. Fatigue, aches, sore throat, could last a month to several months. Doesn't explain stomach pain, at least not yet! Then I come across mono can make your spleen enlarge which causes stomach pain!!!! Bingo! I think I have it! I call Hubs and say..."You gave me mono!!!!!". He says..."No I didn't, we don't kiss and you haven't even slept in the same bed because of hot flashes". He's kind of ugly and bitter. I say..."but we do drink out of the same beer sometimes and my God we have played hide the sausage". He says..."Played hided the sausage we're not in high school". I say..."but you did give it to me meaning mono". He says.."Don't go around telling everyone you have it cause you don't even know". I say.."Hello, sore throat, fatigue, body ache, stomach issues". He says...."that's all the shit you eat". No, sympathy. I did go to Zumba tonight hoping to sweat out this whatever it is. I did sit out for a few songs though! When I sat out I got on the scale, thinking I have not been able to eat for three days. I know I lost weight. Not at all.....are you kidding me??? Is this new found fat frickin super glue or what?????? I'm going to get my blood checked tomorrow to see if it's mono. If so Hubs ass is grass! I am just joking! I hope I don't have it though. While "googling" I realized that it is linked to "MS" which I have. I don't need this to get any worst....Do you hear me universe!!!!!! BTW, Cole broke up with that sweet poor girl that everyone breaks up with today! So much for "MaMa knows best". I have lots of work with these people so I need to be healthy!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE, I KNOW MY KIDS DON'T BUT DO YOU???? Final note...New Years resolutions suck and they have already went out the door!

And then I woke up

So I just came back from the most relaxing vacation. The sights were amazing. I had the most amazing time. Sleeping in, massages daily, a little lunch, and then an afternoon on the beach. Hot young men fed me grapes, rubbed my feet, and refreshed my cocktails. Where were the kids???? I have no idea. Where was Hubs???? Reading the paper while watching ladies walk around on the nude beach. It was like I was in the movie Eat, Pray, Love, except I was Julia Roberts. I was in the land of no stress, no sounds of "Mommmmmm" haunted my world and no "It's not fairs" were heard through the land. We would have the most delicious dinners at night and then dance till the sun came up. My trip was filled with laughter and amazing sleep. I think someone shot some shit in my face that took away fine lines too. I came back refreshed and renewed. And then I woke up..........It's a nice thought right?

I came back to the life my mama swears I will miss. Hubs and I sat down the prince before school started back. We told him that his grades needed to come up. He got some good grades last semester and some very average grades, then there was the one that he barely got by with. We told him that average was not going to cut it. We told him we believed he was better than average. Told him that we don't live in an average house or have an average lifestyle. It takes hard work to have all the blessings we have. Truth be told we were both pretty average and it happened to work out alright for us. I would never tell him that though. Hubs did the typical "do you like the way you live???" thing. He of course said "Yes". Hubs then tells him how all these things he has are ours. His furniture, his TV, his Xbox, his phone, his clothes, and so on and so on. Tells him these are privileges that we provide him while he lives here.  Thinking back to my teen years I'm sure it is in one ear out the other. Hubs tries to tell him how important high school is. He stresses to him that he has a true talent for pole vaulting and that's about to start again. He tells him it is a rare thing to have such a talent for something that most people can't do. It comes natural to him which happens to be a huge blessing. I'm still trying to find out what comes natural to me and I'm 35! LOL! Shot gunning a beer and eating burgers is not what I'm waiting for.  Hub's then tells him he has three and a half years to get his shit together. Tells him college is not an option it's a requirement for him. Tells him if he doesn't do well and go to college he is out on his ass. I'm a mama bear who wants to say "You can live here as long as you need to". I know in my heart that's not what I should say. But I do mean that...in a way. Hubs tells him that if there are any issues this semester with grades his phone, his Xbox, and his social life is over. He also tells him no drivers ED and no truck when he can drive. I'm banking on there will always be a reason he can't drive. Him driving scares me! Hubs bought a used truck a few years ago when his company car got taken away due to budget cuts. He planned on giving it to the prince when he could drive. Hubs tells him he has no problem driving that truck forever if he doesn't get it straight. Do I think he heard us????? Not so much. He is a typical teenager. Do I hope he heard us???? Of course I do. Jeez I sound like one of those reality shows. Where their being interviewed but their asking and answering their own questions. Twisty will have a field day with this!

On to Cole. Remember Cole almost set the house on fire the other night. Our house seriously smells like a bar a smoking one. I have had a constant headache since then. I don't know if it's from Xmas break or the burnt noodle smell. Remember when my cheese fries went flying a few weeks back? It was because Hubs gave me a very hard time for calling the prince an idiot. Not my finest moment but he was acting like an idiot. Hubs schooled me about not calling him an idiot because I could change who he is supposed to be. Told me he was just trying to be my friend telling me how to parent. So Hubs comes home from work after the "noodle" incident. He is complaining to Cole about the smell. Then he calls him an idiot. I'm at the kitchen table. I stop what I'm doing and say.."What did you say?". Hubs looks at me complaining about the smell. I say..."No, What did you say?". He says nothing. I say.."Did you just call him an idiot????". Hubs knows where I'm going with this and walks away. I say"Not so fast". I ask again..."What did you say?". He says "Well he was acting like an idiot". I say "are you not changing who he is supposed to be by calling him that?". I tell him I'm trying to be his friend and help him to be a better parent". He says.."I get it Kerry". I say.."Exactly". Point made!

Cole called me into his room before bed tonight. He sits me down and tells me I used to be the "cool mom" but I'm now the "mean mom". I laugh and say "why am I the mean mom?". He says.."Cause you say "No" all the time". I say..Really??? what do I say no about???". I point out that I hosted many sleep overs and he went to many sleepover during break. Not to mention movies, motorcycle riding, jump street. and so on and so on. He says..."My friends and I think your mean cause you did not let all of us spend the night". I say.."multiple sleepovers are for birthdays". I tell him that I in fact think he is a mean kid. He says...."how am I a mean kid?". I say "cause you don't follow rules, you talk back, and you don't do everything your told". He has nothing to say...surprise, surprise. I only wish I wasn't grounded half my life and was able to have this many sleepovers. I tell him if he can be a perfect kid that does no wrong, never fights with his brothers, and never talks back then I will be the coolest mom ever. I tell him he can have as many kids and as many sleepovers as he wants. I'm confident that I will not eat these words! Do I think I'll eat these words????? Hell No! Do I think I'm a mean mom...not so much! Hello Kerry stop interviewing yourself on here as if your on a reality show!!!!!!! Shit TV has gone right to my brain. Do I think my kids are still awake???? Hell yes! Flopping like fish out of water. Do I think they will be tired as hell in the am???Hell yes! Do I see a happy dance when I drop them off????Hell yes! No proof reading here! It is a hot mess, as my life seems to be. Do I think my life is hot mess???? Hell yes!!! Do I think I"m on a reality show???? Maybe! Sorry for bad grammar, run ons, and miss spellings! It's me the good bad and evil!

It's getting hot in here....So take off all your clothes

The kids go back to school in the am.....Can you hear my "woot woot "across the Drippin Springs skies? I did have a really great time with them...REALLY. But it's time to go back. I've been fighting metal pause bullshit the whole break. The other night I went to bed in Aidan's room. Hubs has been fighting mono and Aidan and Cole had passed out playing Xbox. I took advantage of an empty bed. It's really hard to sleep at all during mental pause. I feel I should say I know the name is "Menopause" but I feel "mental pause" is a better name. So I went to bed rubbing my mental pause belly bitching at it to go away. I was waking up every hour on the hour. HOT~ Singing in my head "It's getting hot in here". That song has taken on a whole new meaning since mental pause came a knocking! I seem to sleep more soundly in the late morning hours. It's a strange "Hot". Not the hot, hot. It's like you start to heat up from the inside out. Before you know it you are soaking wet, not the good wet. So I wake up wiping sweat from my body thinking I should be losing water weight with all this sweat. After you cool down you get clammy and then cold. It's so annoying.  At one point I got so hot I took off all my clothes. I laid there in my underwear. I put my hair up behind my head, I spread my legs and arms out. I was in the shape of a starfish. HOT~HOT~HOT!!!!! I was looking good! I must have fell asleep like that. I was woken up with a little hand on my arm. It was Aidan. So I woke up and thought Jimminy Crickets I can't believe my kid just saw this. He says.."Mom, I think my ear drum burst". I say "Hand me my clothes on the floor". I get dressed and get him an Advil. WAAAA, Waaaa, Waaaaa!

The Jungle

I wrote a blog post the other night titled "Welcome to the Jungle". I got a little inspired after that. I kind of re-wrote this song. My twisted sister hates when I get on these kicks. It's Christmas break and it always seems to happen at this time of the year. Let me say before you read this I love my kids but remember it's Christmas break. So insert "Guns and Roses melody while you read...

Welcome to my jungle, it's not fun and games.
I got it under control, kicking ass and taking names.
These people that I live with, make me want to scream.
If I had the money, I'd have some damn good therapy.

In the jungle, welcome to the jungle.
Watch it bring you to your knees
It makes my eyeballs want to bleed.

Welcome to the jungle, I take it day by day.
If your going to enter, there's a price you'll have to pay.
If you have no backbone, you better stay away please.
There is a light at the end, but you don't get there free.
In the jungle, welcome to the jungle.
Feel my, my, my, painnnnnn
Oh, I want to frickin screammmmm

Welcome to the jungle, it gets worst here everyday.
Ya learn to tame the animals in the jungle where I stay.
If you have some sanity they will take it eventually.
Calgon.....where the hell are you, I need you to frickin take me away.

And when your here you just want them to calm down.
So down, so down, so down....down, down.

Hope you got a laugh. I sure giggled re writing this 80's classic.

I'm just a Mom.......

So I was watching "Pink" behind the music the other day. I found that song "I'm just a girl" in my head the next few hours. She just sounds so angry and I love that!!!! I was singing "I'm just a Mom" to my kids though. They did not find it funny at all. I decided to sit down and re-write the song to fit.."I'm just your Mom". It's funny because in behind the music Pink is talking about how she hates all the copy cats that stole her song style. She doesn't have to worry about little 'Ol me...cause I'm just a mom...and no ones looking at me. No really sometimes I just like to blow a little steam by rewriting songs to make myself feel better.

                                              I'm Just your MOM

          Take these blinders off my eyes.....
                     Your so exposed......
          And it's no big surprise........
           Don't you think I do not know....
                Exactly where you stand....
           This is forcing me to hold your hand....
       CAUSE I'M JUST YOUR MOM, little "Ol me
         I won't let you out of my sight....
      I'M JUST YOUR MOM, all stressed and worn out.....
         So lets please stop the fights.......

       Oh, I've had it up to here....
        The moment I walk up those stairs....
        So many reasons you should run and hide...
        Can't you just do the things I hold dear.....
        Cause it these other things
             That I fear.....

       Cause I'M JUST YOUR MOM, right now I'd rather not be....
        Cause it feels like you skinned me alive....
        All damn day, I'M JUST YOUR MOM.....
       You look at me as if I'm just a freak......
          'Cause you all sit and stare.....
             As if I have ten eyes......

        I'M JUST YOUR MOM....
         Take a good look at me.....
         Just your typical prototype...

        Oh, I've had it up to here.....
        Oh, am I making myself clear????
         I'M JUST YOUR MOM....
      I'M JUST YOUR ONLY MOM IN THE WORLD....
      That's how it will be....
        I'M JUST YOUR MOM, living in captivity.....
        Your rule of thumb....
         Makes me worry some....

I'M JUST YOUR MOM, that's my destiny.....
What I've succumbed is making me numb....
I'M JUST YOU MOM, with no apologies....
What I've become is so burdensome.....
I'M JUST A MOM, lucky me...
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison......

OH.....I've had it up to......
Oh....I've had it up to.....
I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE!!!!!!!!

So I'm going to start a Mommy rock band and sing this to my teenager. Oh wait I can't sing....
This post was in no way to disrespect Pink
Cause I'm just a mom.....and she could totally kick my ass!!!!!!!!!! So I'm just an asshole since "No Doubt" sings this song!!!!!

Welcome to the jungle

 Last night as I was finishing up my blog post Cole almost set the house on fire. He was trying to cook one of those sodium filled noodle bowls. He forgot to put the water in. I guess he was preoccupied because he was "Facetiming" with his new girlfriend. The house quickly filled up with smoke. The smell was awful. I was singing "Welcome to the Jungle" in my head.

 Here he is choking trying to get rid of the burnt noodles. I went to bed after this. I woke up in the morning with a killer headache. My guess would be it was from the burnt smell of noodles. Before I woke up I was having crazy dreams. Dreams that involved poop and puke. The one that I remember most was the bride and groom one. Hubs and I were out. We went to get into our limo. We frequent limos often...Not. When we got in the limo there was this Bride and Groom. They were drunk off their ass. I remember feeling sorry for them because they were on the way to their reception. The bride puked on herself and her hair as we were pulling up to our house. I told them to come in so we could clean them up and give them water and coffee. Hubs was like "Are you kidding me Kerry". I said we could not let them go to their reception like this. I was stressed about how I would get the puke out of her dress.....Then I woke up. Thank God! I laid there for a minute wondering why I would dream something so crazy. Maybe my sub was trying to tell me you need to be drunk to get married. Maybe it was telling me marriage can be pukey. So I dragged ass out of bed. I was quickly reminded of last nights noodle situation. The smell in the house is still awful.

 I go in to wake Cole up. I do a double take. He looks like a smurf. I get closer wondering if he got into my face masks. I see a blue pen laying next to him. There is no telling what the hell went on. I get him up and say..."Cole, what the heck happened to your face??". He is like "what do you mean?". I say "your whole face is blue". He grabs his face and says.."It is?". As if he didn't know!!!! He gets up and looks in the mirror. While standing there he says..."Aidan did this to me". I say.."Why would Aidan do this to you?". He shrugs his shoulders. I give him some apricot scrub and tell him to get in the shower.

 I go to find Aidan. He is asleep in the sofa with the dog. Look closely at his hand. It is blue.....busted. I wake him up. I ask him why in the world he would draw all over Cole's face. He looks at me and says..."Cause he told me to". I ask..."WHY". He says..."Because we were "Facetiming" with girls and we were trying to make them laugh". I say..."Guess who is not laughing?????". I go knock on the bathroom door to see if the smurf is out of the shower. He is so I walk in to talk to him. I tell him that Aidan said he told him to draw all over his face. He looks at me with this face only Cole can make and says..."Here's the thing Mom, we both had a little part in this situation". I say..."But you told me Aidan did this". He says.."Well he did Mom, I just left out the part when I asked him to do it". I say...."You were doing this to be funny????". He says.."Yes". I say..."Those girls probably think you two are twinkies". He says..."What are twinkies?". I say..."It's a nicer word for jack asses". He says.."Mom, calm down they were totally laughing". I say..."I bet they were". I tell him there is a big difference when someone laughing at you compared to when someone is laughing with you. He says..."Mom, you don't know how it is now, it's been a while since you were in middle school". Always has to have the last word. Later I ask if he has texted his new girlfriend. He says..."Mom, I got this". I say "that's what I'm afraid of". He says..."If I need help with girls I'll be asking Blake". I say..."Good luck with that".

I have been using my nutribullet for almost a week now. I love it. I want this baby to do all the things it claims to do. Here are my expectations....
1....claims to give you more energy.....I do feel a burst of good energy after I drink one.
2....Claims to give you nicer hair....That would be great between mental pause and these people mine is falling out.
3....Claims to get rid of aches and pains....I do think I feel less pain in my back
4....Claims to help shed pounds....No such luck yet. Guess you can't get a burger between shakes.
5.....Claims to brighten up your skin....I just want it to get rid of this questionable rash.
6.....Claims to help with hot flashes.....I have had less.
7.....Claims to fight depression....How could I possibly be depressed in this jungle.
8.....Claims to fight disease.....That would be a miracle for sure.

Really I'm using it because I want to get more fruits and veggies in my diet. It's easy to do and the clean up is easy. I love it so much I could leave these people and go on the road doing infomercials for it. Joking...Counting the days till school starts. Four more to go!!!!!!

Resolutions

 So this morning I woke up on this New Year and didn't want to get out of bed. Didn't have a New Year hang over so that's a plus. I don't know what my problem is lately. I felt blue in a way thinking about New Years resolutions that I'm afraid I will fail at. Don't know why I don't have the mind set to beat these resolutions. Starting this blog has been an eye opener when I read back on it. I talk a lot of shit but I don't do a lot about it. At least not for more than a week or two. I wish we could re program our brain to be the person we want to be. I would be a better person all around. I would have the motivation to learn how to write correctly. I would be workout barbie and a health nut. I would pick fruits, veggies, and bird feed over burgers. I would pick a tea over soda or cold beer. I would get my pictures off shutterfly and make books with them. I would be a better wife, mom, daughter, and friend. I would have perfect children. I guess I would have nothing to blog about then.

 I found this picture from Christmas. Love this perfect dog. Missing the day of snow for sure. It's been a long time since I saw snow on Christmas. Who knew it would happen in Dallas.

 Here's a picture of our tree. I cuss that bitch every time I walk by it. Damn pre light tree my ass. Notice the whole bottom is out. Those green lights are lights from Christmas past that I found. Thank you Garden Ridge for selling me a BS pre light tree. I'm not bitter or anything. I just want things I buy to do what they say they will. I'm tired of half ass made crap. I even wonder why my 1970's fridge works better than my 2005 one. Wow, I do sound bitter. NEXT...........

 So after I finally dragged my ass out of bed. The kids were like what are we doing today????? We can't possibly have a day when we just chill and watch lifetime. So we headed out to Academy Sports store. Their Christmas money was burning a hole in their pockets. I told them to look around while I looked around. Shopping with them is not my favorite thing to do. So I'm walking around the store and my phone rings. It's Cole he tells me they found what they want. I ask where they are at. He says "we're in the gun section". I walk over to the gun section. The two of them are standing there with two big ass BB guns in their hands. The Christmas Story movie pops in my head. In my head I'm saying.."You'll will shoot your eye out". I say to them "I thought we were coming here for football and baseball stuff". Cole says.."We want these for the new house since we have that forest area behind it". I look over to the left and see all the BB guns. They are frickin expensive. I ask which one they are holding. Cole points to the one they are holding. I about fall over when I see the hundred and eighty dollar price tag. I say..."there is no way y'all are spending that kind of money on BB guns". They start to complain. They tell me they have enough Christmas money to cover the cost. I say.."Yes, I know that but your not spending all of it on guns". They complain. I ask "why would you need these kind of guns anyway". "You'll shoot your eye out" is circling in my brain like the birds that circle people's heads in cartoons when they get hit. Aidan says..."We're going to hunt stuff". I say..."Stop right there....I did not raise you to shoot at birds, squirrels, rabbits, or each other". They complain. Cole says..."We're not going to hunt animals we're going to hunt targets that we hide for each other to find". "You'll shoot your eye out", You'll shoot your eye out, You'll shoot your eye out". I find myself saying "stop it" to my sub conscious. I tell them to put the guns back. There is no way the two of them are going to spend four hundred dollars on guns and pellets. Not when I can't shoot four hundred dollars in my face to take away all the miles they put on it. They complain. I say "lets go" and walk away.

I turn around to see if their following. They are both standing there with the guns in hand and faces that scream I'm the worst mom ever. I say..."You better put those guns down and get to the car". There is some guy in aisle that probably thinks we're all nuts. Birth control comes to mind since he is young. I happen to be a walking and talking birth control ad. I start to walk again. I turn around to find them still standing there guns in hand and crappy faces. Now my sub conscious is screaming...."FIRETRUCK". We have a bit of a stare down. I'm giving them they are the worst kids ever stare. I finally walk to the front of the store. I wait to see if their coming. Nothing. My guess is they are complaining that I'm the worst mom ever in the gun aisle. So I call Cole on his phone. I tell him I'm leaving with or without you guys. He says..."So your going to leave us here?". I say.."That's right". He says.."You wouldn't do that". I say.."Bet me, cause your Dad works a few blocks away and you can call him and tell him why he is picking you up here". He says.."We're staying". That "FIRETRUCK" is in my sub again. I say..."You might want to rethink this, imagine how mad your dad will be if he has to leave work over this". Cole says "We will be right there". That's what I thought. A friend of mine left her teenager in a store this week. I thought it was brilliant. I can just imagine all the complaining that was going on on their way to the door.

So they walk up, Cole with an "I can't believe this shit" look on his face and Aidan with his sad shocked face. I have my mommy mad as hell face on. We get in the car. They start complaining about how it's their money and they should be able to spend it as they please. They even say how I spend money on what ever I want. I say "Really, are you driving around in a BMW with your dressed to the nines mom with her perfect sun kissed body from her Christmas beach vacation?????". That last statement goes right over their heads. I turn up the radio to tune the spoiled children out. Hubs calls while we're in the car. I tell him Cole would like to speak to him. Cole gets on the phone and starts to plead his BB gun case. I can tell by his face that Hubs is shutting that shit down. He hangs up. I ask.."What does dad think?". He says..."He thinks it's crazy to spend that kind of money on a BB gun".  Hello, Mama isn't crazy!

 After a super fun day out shopping with two of my kids I come home to clean and do laundry. I come across some cheese fries left over from my cheese fry melt down. My day just gets better. Aidan is still on the BB gun case. Cole has forgotten about it. Aidan is looking up "You Tube" videos of the gun they wanted to buy. THANK YOU technology for making already hard parenting harder. He walks up to argue his case once again. Saying things "Like it's his money and he has wanted that gun his whole life". I say.."Your whole life are you kidding me?"." I just bought you every damn baseball thing on your Christmas list". "Can you enjoy those things for more than five minutes please????". I finally lose it. I'm saying all the things I swore I'd never say to my kids. Ya know the "You make Christmas no fun" the "there are kids in the world who get shoes and coats for Christmas...because that's a treat for them". "Not the Nike shoes or the Under Armor jacket either". "The Walmart ones"!!!!!!!! Because kids give a shit when you say these things. Unfortunately they don't get this till they have their own kids. By the end I'm gathering up everything I bought him dragging it to my room and telling him I'm giving it to a kid who deserves it. The kind of kid who appreciates it and has joy in their face when they get it. Not the kind who is on to the next big thing. He is on the sofa crying. I would normally be in my closet crying but I think this hormone cream may be working. Thank you God for small favors.

A little time goes by. Aidan comes up to say he is sorry. I sit him down to tell him how much it hurt my feelings. He tells me that I hurt his feeling too. I say.."Why, cause you didn't get to buy something you wanted?". He says "Yes". I say.."There are starving kids in the world do you know how good you have it?". He says.."I would hate to be a starving kid with no Christmas gifts". I tell him he may be that starving kid with no gifts next year if he doesn't change his spoiled ways. He knows I'm full of shit and that is the problem.

So thinking back on the events of the day. I urge anyone with young kids reading this blog to learn from my mistakes. They are super cute at two when you want to shower them with gifts they don't even know exist. Gifts that you wish you had put in their college fund instead years later. Gifts that ended up being played with for five minutes or not at all. Gifts that end up at Goodwill. Gifts that you bought instead of buying the great boots for yourself. Buy the boots! Your setting yourself up for failure for sure. They start to expect. They are not that cute two year old in a blink. They are spoiled and you are trying to backtrack. Then they are spoiled kids who feel entitlement. You will have no one to blame but yourself. We set them up this way and then we don't understand what happened. At least a lot of us. There are those parents that I'm green over that have raised non spoiled kids. If I had a do over as I dream about a lot. I would do everything different. I would get them half the gifts. I would put the other half of the money in a fund for them. It would be named "Get the hell out of my house" fund. I would encourage the Grandparents and relatives to get them a small gift and put the rest in my "Get the hell out of my house" fund. The money I have spent on these kids over the years could probably buy them their first car and they would have a large down payment for a house. How awesome would it have been to get a check like that when you went out into the real scary world??? In a perfect world we could rewind like the DVR can. Before you know it you have this kind of spoiled kid you swore you would never raise. Another thing I would do over I would expose my kids to the less fortunate. I would make them adopt a child with nothing. I'm doing this next year. It's about time my kids see that Hubs and I do not in fact shit money...even if that's a nice thought.

After we were home Cole was telling me about a text from someone who was not telling him who she was. She was giving him clues. She was telling him she liked him. He was showing me the text. Then he gets a "Face Time" call from her. He ends up "face timing" with her for hours. I mean hours! I was laying next to his bedroom door trying to listen. All I could here was silly laughing from the girls. They kind of sounded like the coyotes I heard out back last night. I guess I have forgotten how silly girls can be. Then I could hear Cole hacking his awful cough. I went in and handed him a cough drop. He wants me to say Hi to the girls. I do. When I walk out I hear the girls say.."Your mom is pretty". I like those girls. He is still on the "Face Time" with them hours later. He has given them a "Face Time" tour through our rental. He is singing country music to them now. Another hits the dust is ringing in my head. Damn Girls!

Final notes...my New Years resolutions went right out the door first day out. I promised to be a better mom...out the door. I promised to eat better...out the door after we got cheeseburgers. Promised to cut out beer....out the door, the kids are still on break! There is no way I can do any of this till my kids go back to school. I do have to say I crazy love my Nutibullet. I could be a living walking infomercial for this favorite thing in my house. I will blog about it later though. Twisty and Hubs are negative...just sayin. My biggest resolution is to get rid of my double cheese burger with extra bacon belly. So Cole is still on the "Face Time" with these girls. I'm laughing at the drama filled conversation going on. Cole now has a girlfriend..Jasmine...this might be a blog in it self.  I'm also laughing about the fact that Cole just tried to make "yakisoba" noodles and forgot to put the water in. My house is filled with smoke about now and we have the back door open. It's freezing in here!!!!! Pictures to come after I set this not so smart child right! Again too tired to proof read...take it or leave it!