That was NO bidet!

Crazy busy weekend, I spent Friday running around trying to get things set for my 40Th birthday. Rented a 70's costume, bought a ton of liquor, got 70's karaoke music, decorations, and secured catering. After adding up all of the money I spent I thought damn I could have shot that 1000 dollars in my face and looked fabulous at 4o! Oh well it will be much more fun to hang with all my family and friends. I'm holding out for stem cell reconstruction on the face anyway.



So Saturday we all sleep in till our standard ten. Get up Cole has a 1pm basketball game. We are getting ready running late of course. I need to use the restroom, so I go in the power bath and I know damn well to check the seat before I sit. I have done my share of sitting in someones piss living with all these boys! Don't ask me why, probably cause I'm running like a chicken with my head cut off I forget to check the seat!!! So I sit down and DAMN it I fall right through! I think to myself "that was no bidet." Yes, I fell right through and now I have wet ass! I scream SHITTTTTT as loud as I can and this little voice from the other side of the door says "I heard that" GOOD, guess what when your 40 you can say all the cus words you want! Now I'm in the powder bath thinking thank God there was no surprise waiting for me in that potty, there usually is. I grab the hand towel to wipe my ass up! I have to admit I'm kinda happy that I'm going to be 40 in a matter of days and my ass still fit through the potty. So anyway we get in the car to go to the game and Aidan my youngest who thinks he is the assistant coach is bitching at me all the way the that he can't be late because the team is depending on him! I'm late cause I had to clean my ass because you people I live with can't put the toilet seat down. Cole is like "there you go again with those bad words you should make better choices." Let me tell you what kid I could have choice not to have you so you better watch it! Cole says well your not really setting a good example for us! I tell him yes I am otherwise you would not be lecturing me on all this. Now that statement goes totally over his head. We get to the game with two minutes to spare and I say to the kids "You should really do as I say, not as I do and you might turn out OK."

Hubby and me go out Saturday night for dinner with some friends downtown. After dinner we end up at Coyote Ugly on 6Th street. We are almost the oldest fools in this bar. So one of my friends thinks it would be funny to get me up on the bar since I'm going to be 40 in a few days! So there I am up on the bar not knowing what to expect. I'm standing on top off the bar with everyone hooting and howling around me. These two much younger than me bar girls jump up there in their bikini tops and start sandwiching me....one takes off my shirt...now I do have have tank under it! So I'm trying like hell to suck in my stomach while all this going on! I know I look like a deer in headlights at this point. So they lay me down and one is acting like she's humping me...which is really uncomfortable. All I can think about is damn I haven't been in this position in forever and it hurts since my legs are now behind my head (didn't even know they still did that)...but hold that tummy in! At this point not feeling sexy at all kinda feel like a cow about to be killed for that steak we all love soooo much. So next they give me a shot laying down...I hate shots....So then the girls has this lime in her mouth and is trying to squeeze it into mine from hers...so gross. I finally get off the bar thank God, and I'm like WTF, were you people thinking!!!! That is not my idea of fun at all. My friend is like sorry I just thought they were going to get you up there and sing happy birthday......really were at Coyote Ugly for Gods sake and that was UGLY!!!!! Beside the top of the bar thing it was fun to get out! I wake up the next morning not spooning my hubby but spooning my dog to alittle voice saying "you promised us you would take us to game stop" Oh crap that's right NOTE to self this is why I don't do shots I have people to raise! Anyway another fabulous weekend with these people I live with!!!