Smelly kids that fight over God knows what!!!! Life is good!

 I have not been on here for a while again. There are many reasons.......not motivated, building a house...FOREVER, tired, busy, doing laundry, cooking dinner, having house guest, lazy, fighting with hubs....OVER THE BUILDING A HOUSE FOREVER, and it's frickin football season......enough said!!!!! So football season for Blake pretty much started two weeks after school let out. We do live in Texas. A little bit of a thorn in my side in summer since I don't have that kid who will get a football ride to college. Don't tell him that though! He says on game days he is super pumped up. This picture of him is his first game. He was one of the team captains. He is 83 in case you care. I don't get the thrill. Maybe because I'm a girl. I get thrilled over pink and boots. My kids get thrilled over football and baseball. Oh yes, and girls! Thorn in my side too. Football for me also means too much time in the car with smelly kids fighting over God knows what! Also a thorn in my side....did I say that?????? I really need to invest in a self help CD!

  We actually have our homecoming game tomorrow. Do you want to hear about another thorn in my side????? Homecoming.......When I was a teen the guy asked you to the homecoming dance. The homecoming dance was fun and exciting. Us girls would pick out the perfect dress for this event. Which back in my day was some metallic dress with giant sleeves. A dress that by no means showed your assets. Anyway....back to homecoming. Homecoming in this day in age has changed. They don't care about the dance.  This makes me sad. I so want homecoming dance pictures. Homecoming now means you spend an UN Godly amount of money on a mum. Not only do you do that but your kid has to come up with an expensive way to ask a girl to Homecoming!!!!! It's almost like a frickin marriage proposal.

So anyway I kept hearing about these crazy ways kids were asking girls to homecoming. Flowers, chocolates, candles, cookies,  getting teachers involved to put things on chalk boards and test. I asked Blake how he was going to ask Mary to homecoming. She happens to be his girlfriend on and off since 6th grade.....more on than off. He says..."I don't know, we have been dating forever". I say..."You have to do something great. All her friends will want to know how you asked her. He is interested but wants me to do the work. What do I do????? I do what I would have wanted in high school. Let me just say...I think this generation is a little messed up but these chicks are on to something. Making the guys work for it. So we got a rose, balloons, candy, and a football charm. We went into her first period class and set it all up. He should thank me...cause she thinks he's a rock star. I asked him how it went. He said she loved the way he asked.  Being a girl I have encouraged my boys to treat women the way they are supposed to be treated. Hubs may disagree but that is why men are from Mars and women are from Venus. All I know is my idea was the bomb.

 So there's Cole. No homecoming date but poor baby got my short genes and is still growing. He only comes up the girls neck about now. I asked him if he was going to ask a girl. He said..."No, no one likes me". I felt bad for him. Mark my words this kid will be a stud when he catches up. He's smart, cute, and funny. He really makes me laugh everyday. I always tell him how it's important to make a girl laugh. Like you can be ugly as shit and if you make her laugh your in. But he's damn cute so when he grows he's going to be the shit!

Anyway Cole's first football game he got the ball right out of the gate. I was so excited because it was the first time in a long time he had his hands on the ball where he could run. This was his shining moment. That was until the QB tried to get in front of him to block and he tripped him. As he tripped him.....I thought NOOOOOOOOOO! Please God WHY! But it is what it is. After the game I asked him about that. He being the super laid back  said..."Mom, it's all good". I said were you mad??? He said..."It felt great to have the ball and my friend feels really bad he tripped me". He said he felt so bad he talked about it the whole game. But please God this kid loves football......Let him be a star at least once!!!!!

Then there is Aidan...aka...pig pen. We had to change schools because we moved. Pig pen is a man who hates change. It has been a nightmare getting him to change schools his last year of elementary. He loved all the teachers and his classmates at the last school.  So changing has caused him and me a lot of grief. At night he tells me he's not going back to the school. Begging me to go talk to his last school to get him back in.  What helped a little is he became the "NEW" guy. The guy that all the girls like. We all know if we look back we all love the "new guy". He's got a girlfriend now. He gets crazy text at 6am with way too many of those smiley faces with hearts in the eyes and hearts and flowers. If this was my first I might have died. Aidan is my last....What ever makes him want to go to school at this point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He loves to go to the varsity games. He thinks he's one of the big kids. Always in the high school student section on someones shoulders. He even made someones "Twitter" last Friday. So this is what we have been up to.

16 years has gone by way too fast.

It's been a while since I've been here! Life got in the way.....not to mention brain fog. My oldest turns 16 tomorrow. 16....I have to say it over and over to believe it. How can I have a 16 year old????? I feel I still act like a 16 year old at times. Woe is me! I have that damn Peter Pan complex. So I sit here tonight....wanting to watch Duck Dynasty or Housewives. Anything but write in this stupid blog.  Tomorrow is a big day though....I'm going to have a 16 year old. Which to me means a person I birthed that can drive!!!!!!!!! When you take them to kinder for the first time and cry your eyes out. Not knowing if it's tears of joy or sorrow.  After you get through all those night feedings and the nasty toddler years this shit goes lighting fast! Don't blink. What's on my mind tonight as I wish I could go back to that night 16 years ago and start this crap over! Seriously people! I was all of 27 when this one came along. I thought I was old as shit at the time. Young and dumb for sure. I would do such a better job if I had a do over! I'm so much smarter now. At least that's what I tell myself!

 If I could reverse I would be laying in bed about now. Still smelling the dinner....it would be making me sick. Almost like it was coming under the door to mess with me. I was scared to death about giving birth. For a good reason...as I know now. Waiting for Hubs to get home from the worst job he ever had. Reading "What to expect when your expecting". Hubs would get home. I would tell him all the signs of labor I was reading about. Not knowing this guy was ready to see the world a little early. Which in his later years he's still waiting to see the world too early. Woe is me...did I say that???? At about six am I started to get craps like I had to poop. No poop was coming out though. I woke Hubs up who was going on no sleep. He told me I was crazy and I just had to poop. I will never let him live this down. This one was by far my hardest birth. Still the most pain I ever felt in my life.

Anyway I read this person's blog recently. She was talking about kids. She was talking about how they are like dogs in their early years. Ya know happy to see you, want to be with you, tails wagging for you all the time. Then they turn into cats. Arrogant, stand off ish, only come down for food, and are down right nasty. Boy was she spot on. She says they eventually turn back into dogs. I sure hope so. I'm not a cat lover!!!! So I have this cat 16 years later. Sometimes this cat shows signs of being a dog when he not asking for money, food, or a ride. But for the most part we live in the same house but have almost become roommates. Roommates that fight all the time. It makes me sad in way. This kid used to think I hung the moon He used to cry in preschool because he hated when I went away.  Now he thinks almost everything I say is stupid. I'd almost like to refer to him as a cat/dog....cat being first! Woe is me....yep I said it again!!!!!

So he has a girlfriend. Same girl he's been in love with since the 6th grade. This is super hard for a mom who still thinks she has a dog! What I love about this is he is loyal, like a dog. See there's a sign of dog in there. Who didn't want a loyal guy in high school???? And yes Hubs and I, taught him this!!!!!! He did hear a little of what we said! So he tells me they will go to college together and then get married. Yes, there are those few rare that make it. But it's a damn lottery. I like the girlfriend. He shows signs of the dog when he's with her. I was always nervous about my boys dating. Thinking I would never like who they picked. I'm happy he has good taste.  I'm super proud of him for being such a good boyfriend at such a young age. When I was his age my Dad used to joke that I could have a boy for the month. I was always changing boyfriends. Never satisfied at that age. Thank you Jesus I've taught my kids better.

Don't feel too bad for me. I still have two dogs in the house. That swear they will never turn into cats. I have one that's about to turn into a cat before my eyes! Don't blink. Did I say that??? Those dogs think this cat I have is the bees knees. Bee's knees is a saying right???? Not sure if that sounds right! Ya know what I mean though. Hopefully I won't eventually have three cats at once. If this happens I may leave! Every other weekend would sound great.

Anywho, I'm rambling! What I want to say about my my oldest. Who I still think of as child. He is turning into a man before my eyes. I never imagined that someday this perfect child that scrunched his forehead  when he took a bottle. That face is forever in my head. When he was little he was perfect in every way.  I remember thinking "everything is going to be alright because I have this perfect child". Boy was I wrong....because no one has a perfect child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But truth be told I wouldn't trade this not so perfect child for a billion dollars! So happy birthday to my not so charming prince! I love you to the moon and back!

prank callers

So my day is filled with craziness. Blake who is on the football team started "two a days" this week. This is for the birds if your kid doesn't drive. He needs to be at the high school at 6:30 am. Picked up at 9:30am. Back at 1:30 pm and picked up at 3:30. Yes, I just rolled my eyes after I typed this. A "WTF" may have rolled off my tongue too. If he was that kid that might go to college on a football ride I might take this better. But in reality this is not the case!  As I keep writing you will see that this makes me a bit crazy.

I was texting one of my friends who shall name anonymous. We were poking fun at a mutual friend who posts "selfy" pics of herself all day every day on line. Now I get that the kids do this and it is the norm. But this one is like 40 something. Not only that but she post super random thoughts she has as well, weird random thoughts that shouldn't be published, they should stay in her head. I'm feeling a little judgmental now since I have a few "selfy" photos out there. Mine are for laughs though. Maybe I'm the only one laughing though.  Hers are serious ones. I'm also guilty of being a walking, talking, on line advertisement of my life. Drives Hubs mad! So back to my story. We were poking fun -being assholes about this person. I spent my day taking "selfy" pics and sending them to my friend. It's the little things that get me through the day.

Then I headed to Zumba. I just started back after my two month break. Mind you I was in Chicago for almost six of those weeks. Eating, drinking, and being merry! I forgot how much I love this! Puts me in a good mood right away. I came in and there was a few old faces and lots of new ones. There is like this new Zumba gang in there. I used to be the Zumba gang but there's a new gang in town.  I always dance in the very back of the room. I bet you pegged me as a front of the room girl. Since I scream "attention whore". I like the back though. If I was good I would totally be in the front. So the new gang has this girl who happens to dance right in front of me. We are supposed to mirror the instructor. This girl not only does opposite of what the instructor is doing but she also wears this tie on jingle jangle skirt you can tie around your waste there. She totally messed up my Zumba game. I found myself trying to follow the instructor but looking at her and getting really messed up. Those jingle jangles I wanted to strangle her with even though I was in my semi happy place there. You should only wear those if you can rock it in the Zumba class. Half way through I imagined myself removing those jingles from her waste and putting them on one of the front of the class peoples! Yes, summer has done me in! Woe is me and anyone around me at this point!

So after Zumba I headed to my friends daughters volleyball game. After that we head home. I settle in for a little shit TV. As I take another "selfy" pic to send to my friend, a call comes in. It says "BLOCKED". I think...."who can this be????". I pick up and a little voice says...."I can see you and I'm in the closet". Followed by a familiar giggle. I say..."Come out of the closet, it's alright I understand". The voice says...."That's not what I meant by that, I'm under the sofa and I'm about to get you". Followed by a familiar giggle. I say.."Hey Cole, you might just be the worst prank call I ever received". He says..."Awwww Mom, how did you know it was me???". I say...."I'm super smart like that but the giggle coming from your bedroom didn't help". A little more time goes by. Like another episode of housewives. I hear some voices. I go to Cole's bedroom........no ones in there. I follow the voices to the garage. Cole his friend and pig pen are sitting in the boat giggling. Totally prank calling people. I tell them to come in and stop it. Cole says..."No, wait mom I'm really good at this, watch.  I watch him prank call a friend in a strange voice and act like he's a dude from a tattoo parlor. I do have to laugh at his fake voice. I say..."Alright, come in that's enough". He says..."Hey Mom you do one". I say..."No, I can't". He says..."Come on you know you want too". I say..."Alright just one". So I call my friend Ash ready to put on my most creepy voice. It goes to voice mail. They say..."leave a pranky message". So as her message finishes I say in my most pranking voice..."I'm in your house and I can see you". My voice was great.....but they were laughing in the background. Totally ruined my prank call. What I forgot is how damn funny it is to make a prank call. To be a kid again....I would be a rotten for sure if I had a do over.......Final thoughts....summer, summer, summer, time!!!!!!!!! Is anyone else out there ready for that six hour break???? Plus decent bedtime????? Or am I the only asshole who feels  road hard and put away wet???? Not the good way either!!!!!!

Calorie counters are buzz killers!

So I'm a pinteresting fool! I have a love hate relationship with it. It has made building a house depressing. Those great pinterest kitchens are for millionaires. Warning to anyone building or remodeling...stay off this pinterest unless you shit 100 dollar bills.  Pinterest makes you feel bad about your body too. Damn those perfect pinteresting work out barbies. Don't get me started on the clothes, photography, and recipes. Pinterest shit is for over achievers. Which I am not. I like to think of myself as a motivated procrastinator. If I was motivated I could do a whole blog on failing on Pinterest.

I have made some great recipes that I found on there though. Like the other night. I made cheesecake factory's spicy chicken pasta. Hubs who happens to be a buzz killing calorie counter said this was the best thing I ever made! That says a lot since we have been married as long as the dinosaurs were around. Then he says my all time hated thing....."Is this fattening?'. I say..."I don't think so, it's loaded with good stuff like veggies and chicken". "Can't be all that bad". Boy I'm glad I didn't bet the farm on that statement. There is always a computer, iPad, or iPhone with in arms reach at our house! Yes, we are those annoying people who aren't present in our lives.  So I grab the iPad to look up the calories on this amazing melt in your mouth recipe. I "google" spicy chicken pasta from cheesecake factory calories. At least twenty sites come up. I click on the first one. It says...."1750" calories. I start to stop eating this fat ass shit recipe. I click on the next site. Same thing! I bring my plate to the garbage disposal, throw out most of my dinner. Hubs is like..."well, what does it say???". He should have been watching what I was doing which is throwing out more than half my dinner. As I click on ten more that say the same thing. I say...."I can't find anything on it". I put the iPad away as if I have found no info. I say..."Keep eating I'm sure it's not bad". My nose is growing at this point. Now I'm safe cause he doesn't  read this blog anymore. Being an anal perfectionist my grammar drives him insane.

My first clue should have been...."cheesecake factory". My second should have been..."Best thing I ever made". Things that feel good are never good for us! Which by the way pisses me off. I kind of want to complain to God about this. I did send some of this yummy recipe to the perfectly in shape new neighbors. That makes me smile in an evil kind of way. I am just kidding a little I hope you know! They workout and run so they are alright. I sit on my ass a lot and watch shit TV so not so much for me. Which is why mine ended up in disposal. Damn it, it stills makes me mad that everything good is bad....why is that????

Tonight as I write this my super not so fun summer kids are watching "Duck Dynasty" . When does school start?????  Aidan who is all about how to get ahead in life says..."How are these toothless people with beards so rich???". I say "because they came up with a great idea." Cole says...."No it's because they have a funny show". I say...."But they landed that show from their great idea". I say..."Come up with a great idea so you can get me some work done because your shenanigans have aged me". Cole laughs and says.."Mom you look great, you just need to workout a little more". I love this kid. He is my most honest kid...tells it like it is for sure. Even if you don't want to hear it. Guess I need to workout!

So summer is coming to an end! Thank you Jesus.  It's work!  My kids have  tried to out eat one another. They get mad at the other one if they are eating something. Like Cole the other day was eating a Sammy. Aidan was eating two broccoli and cheese things from the freezer. Cole got mad and said...."Why do you need to eat two?". Little pig pen says.."Cause I'm hungry". Cole who is by far full from what he's eating says..."I'm going to eat one of those too, so you don't get all of them". I think....."really, you guys are not even hungry but your trying to eat so the other doesn't get it?". Go back to school, for Gods sake... This just chaps my ass!

We clean up well...but it's downhill from there

I promised to keep this blog upbeat and not full of drunkin sappy crap. So while in Chicago my family and I headed to a wedding. It might end up a little drunky. My neighbor across the street who is all of 30 got married. I used to babysit her but I'm aging myself now. We headed there with Deb and Grumps who happened to be mom and dad. We were all dressed up and perfect like the two girls my parents dreamed about. Prim proper and presentable! Not for long though......

My sister who I love to call Twisty is not a drinker in any sense of the word. But on this night she was all in. We had a few drinks. We watched all the people dance for a while. We sucked our drinks while watching. At one point Kelly went to the bathroom. Leaving me with Deb and Grumps to watch the dance floor. Deb and Grumps are kinda cool to hang with even if they are Debs and Grumps....meaning Debbie Downer and Grumping old guy. Kelly comes back from the bathroom and says something that might have made me pee in pants and advertise it on Facebook. Because that's what we do now right???? Advertise our lives on social media. So she says...."Hey I was in the bathroom, I realized I'm that fat girl that is an easy target at a wedding".  I seriously laughed out loud! Not because I thought she was that girl. My sister is not fat at all.... She is beautiful really and funny. I thought how many guys get both???? I don't think she knows she is not that fat girl.....she is that girl that happens to be the whole package! I don't know who messed her up to think that. I'm the bully big sister that might bitch slap anyone who makes her feel that way!

After that we went down hill on a black slope with no board! We were all into drinking. Ended up on the dance floor. The music was great. Don't think we weren't the girls with our hands over our heads dancing thinking we looked hot. "Do A little dance, make a little love, get down tonight" Went out for air a few times. At one air moment this couple came out. Kelly who normally does not talk to strangers decided to put her foot in her mouth. So the girl happened to be stunning. Kelly kept telling her how beautiful she was. That was all good. She was that girl you stop to look at because she's that pretty. It got ugly when Kelly told her husband he was lucky to have such a beautiful wife because he was not all that and a bag of chips. I did my best to stop her...but she had a mouth of her own.

We went back and danced and danced and danced. Omg...the music...was so good at this wedding. The bride looked amazing which was the word of the night. Before we knew it the night was over.  So we are with my parents at the wedding. So they drove..thank you Jesus. On the way home Kelly and I are in the back seat. We morphed  into two high school giggly girls. Well maybe two drunk girls trying to act sober in front of the parents. At one point Kelly rolled down the window. She hung her head out like a dog. I laughed so hard I might have peed.....May need to see some Dr about that! She said.."I think I'm car sick". I thought is she trying to save face in front of the parents???? I say..."Ummmm. Your drunk...maybe sick". She says...."NOOOO I"MMM cave sickkkkk". Yes I meant to miss spell that cause that's what she sounded like. I laughed, and laughed! We both seem to take some sick pleasure when one looks awful in front of the parents! I guess we're those typical toy R us kids...the ones that never want to grow up.....or maybe peter pan....Where's the fairy dust???? I might love fairy dust! Flying sounds fun....

The next day...My Mom was driving her somewhere with my aunt in the car. She was riding in the back. She text me..."I'm car sick, feel like I'm going to puke". I text back..."That's a hangover, if you got car sick that would happen your whole life". I guess she's an amateur, That's a good thing!

Do birds have penises?????

First I need to start by saying lasts nights blog was a cluster fuck. Note to self......DO NOT BLOG WITH A BUZZ! It's a buzz kill in the morning for sure. I just sounded like a typical whiny drunk girl repeating herself. The Bachelorette messed me up. I was so broken hearted for her I decided to drink to help ease the pain. That Disney prince turned into an evil warlock. If we lived in a Disney movie kind of world I would banish him to the nasty forest. Ya know the kind that the witches seem to live in on the movies. No greenery, all black, gray, and dark. I wish I was computer savvy I would totally insert in an evil witch laugh sound.

While in Chicago I hung out most with my sister.....aka...Twisty. I call her that for a reason I swear. I have a few twisted stories to tell about her. I think my favorite was the bird story. Kelly is a huge animal lover. She works in a vets office. Pet sits, rescues half dead animals, and apparently does inappropriate things with birds! I got your attention didn't I. Oh yes totally insert an evil laugh.

So we were having our annual Kane family BBQ at my Mom and Dads. Kelly brought one of the birds over from the Vets office. We all had a great time playing with this bird. Not as good as Twisty though.  I don't even remember what we were talking about or why this subject came up. All the sudden Twisty says...."The bird humps my arm sometimes". We all kind of look at her strange. She then says..."I feel bad that it's in the cage all day so I let him". She says.."It's probably the only joy the bird gets". My Uncle Tommy....looks at her like she's nuts and says..."Kelly, that's weird". She says..."I feel bad for it though". I ask "does it ejaculate?".  Because really I had no idea a bird did that. She says "Yes, and when it does it spreads its wings really big". BLAAAA, HAAAAA,  HAAAAAAAA. I'm rolling at this point. Or maybe peeing my pants.  We all think that is weird as hell. She doesn't see a problem with this at all!!!!!!! So I keep asking questions. You can imagine how my Dad, a mild mannered Grumps who never says anything remotely inappropriate is feeling. Don't think I didn't walk around spreading my wings Kawwww, Kawwwing at her!!!!! I think at one point Grumps said..."Enough all ready".

So tonight after my cluster fuck post last night I was trying to think of something funny to blog about! This is what I got. I did "google" "Do birds have penises" right before I started to write. Most birds do not have penises.....in case your wondering. They have a lump called a cloaca. While I'm on this site Hubs walks by. He says..."Is there a reason your pulling up shit about bird penises??". I say..."Well Kelly lets this bird ejaculate on her arm". He says..."Stop right there, I have heard enough!!!!!!!". While writing this I decide I'm going to text the twisted one. It said one word...."CLOACA". My guess is right now she is "googling" it. Just got a text back from her! It says...."Cloaca...HUH?????". I text back "Kelly with one of those heart icons Cloaca". Usually she has a quicker response when I text her strange things! Maybe she is busy getting her bird on!!!!!!!!

Trip to Chicago

I just came back from a long trip to Chicago. It feels like I was never there. What those old folks say is true...time flies. My Dad flew down and drove us there. He also drove us back. He may just be the greatest guy in the world. Car rides with these people are not fun. So I'm home, missing my life there. In a prefect world I would win a huge lotto and be able to live in two places. My heart is torn between two lives. I love my life here. I have some great friends and my kids are happy here. When I'm home everything feels better for me. I feel more complete there. I've been so behind on this blog. I have nothing interesting to say. I'm in a funk for sure. I just don't care about writing in it anymore. This has always been an honest place for me....maybe too honest at times.

This trip was different. It was like I was tired. I spent a lot of time sitting around. Tired from my life , Really...games, practice, and driving.  I just left all of it.  Before I knew it the trip was over. I didn't spend time with people enough. I didn't even see friends I wanted to see. I feel awful about that.  I kept thinking I had lots of time and all the sudden it was over.  I came home to the nightmare of building a house. Nothing about this has gone smoothly. We are way behind on this project. Because we contracted this house when the housing market was in a slump last year has done us wrong. When you do a construction loan, you do it at the time you start to build. This was last October for us. So they bid the job before you get the loan. The housing market out here skyrocketed right after we bid everything. So now we have crews walking off the job because they can make 30 percent more on other jobs. So our house looks like an abandoned ship at this point. Our builder doesn't want to lose money on this deal either. I get it. But we were supposed to be in the house now. We don't even have a roof at this point. It's frustrating as hell. Half my stuff is in storage. I never thought we would be in a rental this long. I just want to feel settled at this point. I have never been able to get comfortable here. Half my shit is gone and plus I know I'm leaving this place. I don't want you to think I'm bitching too much. I do get that I'm blessed to be able to build my dream house. It's just not been a smooth road. I know in the long run it will be great. If I'm not divorced in the end. building a home is a true test of what your marriage can handle. It's my last build for sure. He says Black I say white........oh my!

So my Dad left this week. It was hard to say goodbye. I dropped him at the airport after a camping trip he went on with us before he left. He kinda said he hates camping. I love that he did something he hated to make us happy. My kids will remember a great trip. We spent 19 hours in the car to Chicago and 19 hours back together. I wouldn't trade those hours for a million dollars. They mean more to me than he will ever know. I cried all the way home from the airport. It was so hard to say goodbye. I almost wish I could reverse and be a kid with no worries in his house again. I would get everything my parents tried to tell me so much more.  I love being with him and and my family.  I keep trying to school my kids about this. I keep trying to tell my oldest to be a kid and not try to grow up to fast. Is he hearing me???? No way!!!! He thinks he knows it all....as did I.  Someday they will miss this as crazy as it can be. My oldest left Chicago early for football.  He left and never called or text me. I finally called him. I asked him are you going to go to college and never call me again like you were never my kid. He laughed and said "no"! I don't know though. I think boys are different. They are not emotional like girls.  This is why I'm upset I never had a girl. There will be no shopping and lunches. No late night phone calls! I will have to depend on daughter in laws! That kinda makes my want to puke.