Xmas cheer!

 It's been a while since I've written my thoughts down. They've been a little messed up lately. Figured I spare you all the drama. We finally moved into my/our dream home. It is a dream. I'm loving the new house. Everything about this house is me. I feel very blessed to be able to live here! Ya know that saying…"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?"……Well this house was a test. It almost killed an 18 year marriage…..but damn it turned out great.

We moved in the weekend before Xmas. All our Xmas was in boxes far, far, away in a storage unit. Hubs managed to find a few boxes of Xmas. Mostly stuff I bought after Xmas last year. We had planned to be in this bitch/house by the start of school. I bought tons of clearance Xmas crap as Hubs called it last year. I just knew I would have the best decorated house this Xmas. Well contractors got in the way of my dream and I found myself moving literally two days before Xmas eve. So I vowed to have a Xmas house before I unpacked any bit of the kitchen. Hubs managed to dig our fake tree out of the back of the storage unit. We got it in and plugged it in. Problem was it didn't light up. This was the start of many Xmas problems to come.

I went to HEB to fill the pantry in this dream house. While checking out the lady told me the trees were ten dollars! I got so excited. I came home with a real tree. Hubs turned his nose up. Said they make a mess. I said…."But it's Xmas, and it smells like Xmas". We set it up and it made this new home feel Xmasy. For about ten hours!

So Xmas eve night we planned a great dinner. A few friends stopped over before we ate. When they were leaving my car was in the way. Hubs throws my oldest the keys. Tells him to back up the car. I look at Hubs and say…"Um, he's not so great at backing up yet". He doesn't drive yet. Hub's says…"He needs to learn". I say…."I don't think it's a good idea". Does anyone listen to me??????? Hell no, no one in this house gets Mama knows best yet. So our friend comes in through the garage with a deer in headlights look on his face. He says…"Ya better come out here". Blake had backed up through the grass and broke a bunch of sprinkler heads on the way". Buzz kill????? Hub's is yelling at Blake…..I'm yelling at Hubs…..Merry Xmas!

We finally get back to a somewhat functional family. It took a while but we pulled through the trailer park and came back down to a little functional. We sit down to open gifts. After all the fighting we are smiling a little bit again. All of the sudden the tree topples over and all we see are all of my beautiful ornaments breaking all over the floor. I know Hub's who hates real trees wants to throw this shit in my face…..but he's learned something over the years…..no one says a thing. We just kind of ignore the fact that the tree just toppled over. We go about our business and finish opening gifts. Now you would think that someone would pick this tree up or clean up ornaments….but no! They are all exhausted from fighting and moving and go to bed.

I find myself on the sofa alone playing candy crush on the computer drinking beer. A slight buzz from the beer kicks in. I decide to put the tree back up. I get the tree up. I put all the non broken ornaments back in place. I sit down for a minute to breath and take Xmas in! Then I go to clean up all my beautiful broken ornaments. While I'm on my hands and knees cleaning the F@?!@#$  Xmas broken shit up the tree falls on top of me. What do I do?????? I lay under it for a little longer than I care to admit and cry under it! Yes, I'm in this amazing house that took years off my face! But I'm having a woe is me moment. And I deserve it! So I throw in my white flag and go to bed!

 I go to bed leaving the tree back on the floor. When I wake up my tree is on my front porch! But…Hubs worked all morning getting the fake one up and decorated! And this is why I'm still married to him after 18 years!

So my sister came with my niece this week. Plus my parents and my brother came the week before. So we are starting to make good memories in this house that took a very, very, very, very, long time to build.

Anywho, Hub's and I celebrated our 18 year anniversary tonight. Shit like this makes me think. I think about everything. All our time together. I laugh a little and cry a little. We have been through so much together. Was this what I imagined as a young girl in my bed at night???? Um….fuck no way! What I pictured in young mind was prince charming……or better yet an eighties movie kind of guy. The one that when I was mad would be outside my window with a boom box playing a sappy love song! Plus perfect kids…like the Brady bunch kids! Did I get an eighties movie guy…no way! Did he get an eighties movie gal…..Um…..hell no! Did we get perfect kids????…..Um, I could write a book on everything that has went wrong with my not so perfect kids! But somehow we made it through almost breakups, close to break downs, building a few houses……this last one almost killed us! But somehow in the storms that came our way we survived so far. Sometimes I think the kids held to together at our toughest times. We both can admit that we might have run for the hills if it wasn't for them. But it's funny as tough as it has been at times we always seem to pull it together. Is it perfect…not so much. But we do have a deep respect for each other in a weird way. We still have date night! Even after all these years! We do agree most of the time on kid stuff! Sometimes we agree that we might have messed them up. If a marriage therapist ever got a hold of us they may run screaming and slit their wrist. But we work it out in the end! And that's what counts!

Questions????

Do you ever just question every thing in your life???? Scared about everything. Did you do right by your kids? Are you raising them right? When they are little it's easy. Even if you feel like a crazy zombie. But they are safe. You just have to get through the day keeping them alive and feed them. But then they turn into teenagers. They try to grow up too fast. This parenting thing is hard. So I used to lay in my bed as a young lady imagining myself married with perfect kids. I couldn't have never imagined all the hard stuff that came along with that. I should have been imagining my self as "LuLu", the girl living down town in a loft with fabulous boots! I'm just kidding but it's a nice fantasy when my kids are making me want to scratch my eyes out.

So here are my crazy thoughts tonight. Island comes to mind. I kinda of wish I could freeze time. I would be the only one on this island for a while. Everyone else would be frozen. I would think…cause I over think. I need time to really think…re think if you will. On my island I think about my "Santa" days. My kids perfectly dressed sitting on Santa's lap! Oh my how I miss those days. How I think it's bullshit that those days have come and gone. I would work out on this island….because I'm not sure what happened. All I know is I can't get it under control even though I know what to do. My friends warned me that cheeseburgers really did hit your thighs…who knew??? I hate them for being right.  So I would pretty much get it back together on this island. I need about six months if the universe is listening……In a perfect world right???? How frickin great is my fantasy???? But we are in fact in reality.

So Xmas is a week away. I have not shopped…..my kids need nothing! I'm supposed to move in less than a week. I have packed nothing. Am I stressed, freaked out, overwhelmed???? Um yes! Sister wife comes to mind! Have I done laundry, got the kids school notes taken care of, checked sky word, cleaned behind them, gone to an Xmas party, taken them to see lights, Feed them, gotten them ready for school, cooked baked goods(I kind of suck at that), and did two photo shoots…. But I'm here trying to wrap my head around getting it together. OMG, too tired to proof read…story of my life…..it is what u get! So sorry! And yes I feel pressure and I'm overwhelmed…send help fast! I'm not afraid to ask for it!

P.S. Taye Diggs might be on my island!

It's the most wonderful time of the year????? Really?????

 It's the most wonderful time of the year is what I've been trying to sing in my head…..But "Bullshit" usually follows it! It really is if your a kid brainwashed by the fantasy of a jolly old fat guy in red suit coming down your chimney to drop off gifts. Oh my how life was such a fantasy in those days. I think my favorite year was when Santa brought me the barbie dream house! Who knew your parents were just lying to you. Everything is downhill after you find out the jolly old red suit guy is BS! You get a little joy again after you have kids and get to live the fantasy through them. But now my fantasy is over and it's become BS! Are you saying…."Baah, humbug"???? I do sound like a bit of a downer about now. But I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. I guess it's because I can't set up for Christmas since I'm moving three days before Christmas. Maybe it's because my kids no longer believe in Santa. They have sucked the fun right out of the holiday. The fact that they on line shop for shit they should not know exists is a thorn in my side. Maybe it's because I'm jealous of all the "elf" fun my friends with younger kids are having. I'm sick of looking at Facebook pics of "elves" doing stupid shit. I want to comment "barf" on everyone. I'm kind of being a jerk. I would have had so much fun with a naughty elf. Now mine would be at the bottom of beer bottle. That damn shit came out after my kids were "elf" age. I'm not angry! The only thing I'm angry about is that I didn't come up with this brilliant elf shit! I would be shitting elf money if that were the case!

So I find myself driving home from work mad that I'm the only house without lights or decorations. Last year after Xmas I bought everything up on clearance for this Xmas. Because I was supposed to be pretty settled in our/my dream house. But that's a whole other bitch fest! All that shit is in boxes. Baah, humbug". I feel like the Grinch. Imagining taking everyone's lights down, stealing their trees, stockings, and telling their kids there is no fat ass jolly guy. I just took this too far! I am kidding in a way. Something happened this week that brought me right back down to reality. A close friend of mine is going through something way bigger than my baah, humbug, bad attitude. And now I'm felling guilty for being such an asshole. It reminds me that my problems are nothing compared to what's going on in other people's homes. So my hat is off to this family and my prayers are for them today.

So here is my new plan. I'm thankful for the fact that I'm getting a dream home and have a healthy family. Even if they make me want to scratch my eyeballs out a lot. I will look forward to the day I have grandchildren and can live through their fantasy of Christmas. I will be the annoying Grandparent fighting the other Grandparents for time with the kids. I will insist on staying over Xmas night to do Santa. My daughter in laws are going to hate me.  I will also look forward to seeing my kids deal with their own kids, insert evil laugh! At that time they will understand all my love and frustrations! I will also move into our/my dream home and set up Christmas before I unpack anything. It will look like Christmas exploded in that place. I will keep that shit up for as long as I please too. And I will enjoy the shit out of it! I'm saying sorry right now to my neighbors who will see lights and Xmas trees till FebuKerry! I might even get me one of those most annoying elves and make it do naughty things at night for my pleasure. And yes I will elf ourselves on that funny dancing elf site. To all you peeps with young ones out there….enjoy Xmas when your kids are young….this shit goes way too fast! When it's over it's not that fun anymore. I would totally give Hubs left nut for a kid that believed right now!

On a brighter note! I had no idea if you dipped a cotton ball in water it would stick! My wheels are turning and I have a certain "One upper" in mind about now!!!! Doing this to a certain someone might just bring back my Xmas joy!!!

BUSTED

So needless to say my last blog post was about everything I'm thankful for. It was Thanksgiving…..I was feeling the "Thankfulness". Now that I'm at the end of week of my kids being home….not so much! So as much so I have a hate list I'm about to make of my top ten not so favorite things about my kids being home for a week.

1….I work now…a real job for the first time in a while. I'm not thankful for the state of my home when I got home from work this week! It's like a bomb went off or a tornado hit. You would think they were homeless staving people. My God I think they have eating contest while I work.

2…I'm not thankful for kids on line shopping for the Xmas list! Us parents in this generation got the shaft! They get on line and see things they would never know existed if it wasn't for "Google". I imagine myself crashing the whole "google" site at times! Then there is Facebook, instagram, snap chat, and Vine. For kids this age it's like a "Hey look at me and look what I got" thing! Everybody knows what everyone is doing and what everyone is getting. Even people they don't really know. Even celebrities. It puts a new meaning on the famous kid saying…"Well so and so got this". Now it's more like "OMG, this person is in Disney, this one is skiing, this one is downtown, this one got a dirt bike, this one is hunting, this one got new shoes, and so on and so on and so on and so on and Soooooooooo on! Then they say why aren't we in Disney, skiing, hunting, or why aren't you buying me all this shit all the other parents are????????Makes my want to run screaming from my house NAKED! HaHa checking if your reading this…..I would never run naked from my house! I would run/walk fast but never naked!

3…The fighting……and the fighting….and the fighting! Everyone in my house is an expert on what the others should be doing or what they are not doing right! Need I say more!

4….The sleepovers! Do we really need a sleep over every night! Kids are like un human. They remind me of vampires. Not that hot one either! They can stay up all night with tons of energy and loud voices!

5…The fact that they are starving at midnight! They come in the kitchen like they have never seen food in their lives. Cooking, opening the fridge, and the pantry. The sound of wrappers and the microwave sends chills up my spine! Oh yes, my mom says I will miss this someday! Not thinking she is right~

6….Needing rides. "I need a ride to Belterra, I need a ride to the mall, I need a ride to jump wild, I need a ride to my friends, My friend needs a ride here"!!!!!! I should be paid for all the driving I do…just saying! "Jump Wild…….thorn in my side! Love the owners but have thought about burning that place down a few times! I think I've made a car payment to that place a few times! What happened to street hockey????

7….My TV and computer are held hostage for a week. Now I love both those things and I have never learned to share! Making deals to get on my TV and my computer kind of sucks!

8…The fact that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. I have night owls! Crazy night owls. I look forward to my down time at night when everyone is asleep. No one sleeps in this house! They out last me. No time to relax at all this week.

9…..Duck Dynasty. Now I love me some good reality TV. But my God you can only watch so many episodes of the same show before you want the be in that beaver house they blow up on that show!

10…..I think this one is most parents all time thorn in the side! How many times can you stand them saying…"I'm bored, what are we doing today". "Bored, really?????? You have TVs in your room, bikes, friends over, Xbox, iPhones…..need I say more". What's boring is going on a road trip in the 70's counting how many out of state licence plates you can find! This generation wouldn't last two minutes in the 70's!

Ok I got that off my chest! I feel like I lifted ten pounds off. Wouldn't it be great if bitching was a calorie burner. I might be anorexic.

So now to my busted story. I was driving my kids around. Your shocked right??? My sister called. I was just so thankful for her in my last post but was also bitching that she never picks up her phone or calls! Well she called at the most awful time! She's a crazy health nut. Always bitching at me about poisoning my kids with bad food decisions. GMO's , fast food, sugar, and so on! Let me defend myself a bit. Her generation was more informed about this stuff. I'm a creature of habit….bad ones…plus I'm an ignorance is bliss gal! So I happen to be in MC Donald's drive through when she calls. I tell her to hold while I quietly try to order two extra large sodas and a double cheese burger. I get by with that. Then I pull up to the window. The guy handing me my super sized soda says…."You again" and laughs. I reply.."busted". She can hear what's going on. She is like "what are you busted for"??? I say "we are at McDonald's".  I say.."The guy knows us". She is like…"Are you kidding me, that is so ridiculous". I say "We are from a small town, everyone knows everyone". She is like.."OMG, Kerry, you are poisoning your kids, when are you going to stop???". I'm like.."damn the sodas are only a dollar for the giant ones, and we are from a small town". She is like…"that's pathetic".

So I was telling my mom…aka…Debbie Downer the story. What does Debbie say??????? "Ya know that big wig from MC Donald's who ate that since he was 14 died of colon cancer". Waaaa, waaa, waaa!!!!!

What I am Thankful for........

What I am thankful for........This picture says it all! What we forget when we are complaining about the annoying things happening to us all day.....Lots of people are fighting to survive. I fight to survive everyday but not like a lot of others who are truly fighting to survive. My hat is off to anyone fighting for this!

I am Thankful for so many things. I'm Thankful for my family even if sometimes I imagine a totally different life for myself. I have always been an imaginary type of person. Even when I was a kid. Sometimes I'd imagine myself as Brady. Who didn't want to have those perfect pig tails like Cindy. I imagined myself with the huge catholic family that so many of my friends had. Big brothers, big sisters, sounded grand. Now that I am older I'm thankful for my family. The Brady bunch kids were all messed up! Who knew! Just read their biographies now. I still would kill for an Alice. Just saying.....

I am Thankful for my kids. I never imagined myself with three boys! EVER! As a young adult I imagined myself married to any 80's star. Mostly someone from the brat pack. Rob Lowe comes to mind. I imagined myself with girls. I'm a girly girl. Always have been. I love pink, lipgloss, bows, girly clothes, pink everything, and oh yes, lots of pink anything. God had a different plan for me. It has involved lots of blue and lots of sports. Like every weekend! Who knew I would be thankful for sports and actually understand them! Love these boys!

I am thankful for my health, even if it has given me a run for the money at times. Health is something you never really think about until yours does you wrong. I got diagnosed with MS when I was 36. I never really worried about my health before then. It took me many years to come to terms with this. Then one day I thought...."Ya know, It's not a death sentence, and a lot of people deal with that". It could be worst. So I'm thankful it is not worst! Plus I ignore it!

I'm thankful for a really good husband. To find someone who really loves you..the good, bad, and the evil is something to be thankful for. Plus the ugly person that wakes up not made up and maybe crabby. And I can be evil...so can he though! We have not had a perfect ride by any means. Many times I think we both think the grass is greener on the other side. But we are "all in" as Dripping would say......Thank you Chris Payne for starting that sayin! But in the long run we have each others back and put up with each others shit. Do I imagine myself with someone else...like Taye Diggs....um yes sometimes! But I have told Michael if I whisper Taye just ignore it! It's my evil twin! My God we are married not dead! He can whisper Jennifer Aniston to me any day!

I'm Thankful for my parents. I really think they are awesome. I wouldn't trade them for say Mike and Carol.....even if I might of as a teen! We have a great relationship now. Not so great as a teen. I guess most people aren't super crazy about their parents as teen. I kind of thought mine were clueless! I get it now that I have my own teen. Totally paying for my raising! Dad......aka...Grumps should get a good laugh!

I'm Thankful for my siblings. My God they were a torn in my side when they came along. I was too old to get siblings. I was so used to be the only one when they came. That may be why I'm such an attention whore. A therapist would have a field day with me. They screwed me up for awhile. But now my sister is my best friend. I could never imagine not having her. Even if I could tell you the most awful stories about growing up with her. I could tell you lots of good ones too. But now she's my go to  girl even if she hates to pick up her phone! She finally gave me that girl I always wanted. I have the best niece ever. So thankful for Ella! My Dad always says she is just like me! God help her. My brother when he came was like my baby. He was such a cute kid. I'm so thankful for him. I just want him to find happiness. I think he has a great heart and needs a good women. He has lived with me a few times. I have had a lot of fun with him. I want only the best for him.

I'm thankful for all my extended family. I have the best Aunts, uncles, cousins, mother in law, sister and brother in laws in the world. Really, I do! I enjoy all of them. I have great times with all of them. I can not complain about any of them. I love spending time with all of them. I could go into great detail about each and everyone one of them...but we would be here forever!

I'm thankful for my Grandparents. One I never got to meet but I hear he was great. I'm sad a lot that I never got to meet him. I think he might have liked me. I bet I would have liked him too. My moms mom was great. She should have been around a lot more but God took her too soon. I have great memories of her...I wish the others did. She died when a lot of my cousins and sibling were young. My Dads dad was great too. He was a funny guy..I think I got my my dry sense of humor from him. But the one person I really connected with was my dads mom. She died on Thanksgiving three years ago. It makes Thanksgiving hard. But if I look at the glass half full. I'm Thankful for her. More Thankful than anyone realizes. I was the oldest grandchild. I got her the longest, plus she got to see all of my kids. My God she thought they were the greatest things ever. She was my perfect person. To this day the hardest thing I have ever done was to say to goodbye to her.

I'm thankful for my friends. And oh my God the older you get the more informed you get about friends. Family is forever and friends come and go. Oh how painful it is to realize this. As a kid you never get that. Now don't get me wrong I have some great friends. A few I have traveled with a long ways. A few that I have made in later years. I have lived and learned. I was naive in my younger years. Thinking that my friends were the best things ever. I've been burned a few times. I have probably burned a few on the way. But I can honestly say I never meant to. But truthfully I have some really core friends! I'm super thankful for that.  I'm probably blessed because I have a lot of good girlfriends and I'm picky.

I'm Thankful for a lot!

What I'm not thankful now......LOL

BOTOX....did a man invent this??????? I would be ok if not for this!!! Damn man!
Fighting...I hate when my kids fight.
Laundry...Hello sister wife...where are you???
Pain...I hate that people feel pain....in any sense, I want everyone to be happy!
Diets..come on can't we all be fat and happy!

We need a sex ed teacher in this house.

So we are still having a good laugh over here. Laughing about Cole thinking a tampon is a pregnancy test. Tonight we went to a fab dinner party. Thankful for the great friends we have here. When we got home we were all around the table chatting. Blake...aka...the not so charming prince was gracing us with his presence. So I start to tell him the story about Cole thinking a tampon is a pregnancy test. We laugh a lot! We are pretty bad about laughing at each others short comings in this house. Cole tries to say he really knew and was messing with me. He's totally lying. So Blake says "do you know what a tampon is now?????". Cole says..."Yes, it's when a girl pees out blood". Blaaaa, haaaaa. haaa! Close but no cigar! Like I said I'm thankful for this naive boy.

I don't even know how but the topic of circumcision comes up. So Blake says..."Cole, do you know what that is??". He makes this face like he is stupid for asking and says..."Of course I do". Blake says..."Well what is it". He calmly says.."It's when a man gets his penis enlarged". I almost choke and say..."Where did you hear that?". He says..."I saw it on a movie". "Well hot shot, your wrong once again". He looks at me like I have three heads and says..."I'm right". Blake pipes in as he's laughing and says..."Your so wrong". So I start a conversation I didn't see coming on the extra skin that is cut off on a penis. Cole listens and says..."Did you get rid of my extra skin?". I say.."Yes, it's done when your a baby". He asks a really good question. He says..."Who decided we didn't need that skin and that it needs to be cut off???".  I pee a bit and say..."Ya know, I have no idea, but I bet it was a women".

The birds and the bees in this house needs some work.

So I'm working again! I'm a good worker. I have always done well at any job I have had. I guess I have my parents to thank for that..I guess after raising three boys I can do anything. I'm kind of enjoying it. Don't tell hubs though! I'm playing the "I hate working" card a bit. But shit going to work on a Saturday just sucks! Unless your boss brings really smooth tequila to work. I kind of need to be comfortably numb lately. Yep I may have landed my dream job! So I worked today. Kids stayed home alone. Did I come home to a tornado???? Um.....yes! Hello I kind of want a sister wife about now! Those morans/mormons are on to something! (spelling?) I have no idea If I spelled either right!

I stopped at my dream home I'm building on the way home. I can't really even put into words what this is like to build this dream home. First of all let me say I'm blessed being able to build this. I do realize some people never get to do this. But cluster fuck comes to mind. Maybe two years ago when the Austin housing market was in a slump I would have had better luck. But this has caused me many tears and lots of shit fits! Just ask Hubs! I'm starting to understand two year olds! Hubs and I have had probably are biggest fights in 18 years of marriage over this dream house. Well one of our biggest, I would never blog about the big one. I do have a filter. There is that saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Well I must be strong as shit after this!  It has not been a smooth ride for sure. Maybe it's a test for us. But since we are still raising three kids together we need to stay together. Thank God for those kids...otherwise I would be living downtown in great loft wearing fab boots! This house has been one step forward two steps back all the way. The end result is always better than expected though. If I actually went through all that has gone wrong I would be here forever! You would be bored for sure. My biggest concern right now is they stoned over something I need to start the outside fireplace. They also walled in some pretty important electric stuff, the septic system was designed to shoot shit in our pool, and yes the plans showed a pool.......no one wants to fix or take blame for it either,  didn't cut the granite on the tub right, put the wrong windows in, Forgot some key stuff with cabinets, put the wrong tile in, and haven't finished a bunch of stuff that should be done. Am I complaining??? Yes, a little for sure. Since I was supposed to be living there three months ago. Are they building a perfect house???? Yes, I love everything about it. I even love the paint colors which I stressed about for months!

My builder as much as I bitch has done a fantastic job. If only I was in it when I supposed to be he might be perfect. He may actually hate me now even if he enjoyed my charm at first. That being said..."good things take time" has a new meaning! I have given up two Halloweens, two thanksgivings, and I hope I'm not giving up two Christmas's being in a rental. Most of our stuff is in storage. When you get to a certain age giving up these things is not in your favor. I'm on the last of my years with my kids in my house. I want to enjoy them. Plus last year I bought everything up after Xmas because I just knew I would be in the Christmas walk in Dripping this year! Well that is not going to happen......boo whoooo! It makes me mad that I'm bitching in a way. I'm damn lucky to be building this perfect home. But my years are numbered with these people I live with. They will hopefully fly the coop soon. Just did a little happy dance.  Now if only I raised perfect people.....Not so much...they all could use a good therapist! But so could I. Hello padded cell our name is Cavender...can we please get a group rate?????

So tonight was Saturday night. Should I have something better to do than drive kids back and forth to jump wild. Um, yes! In my fantasy world I would be in my loft with really expensive boots and a hot boyfriend. When I picked them up..Cole and Aidan were fighting. Shocking right????? Blood pressure on the rise! Cole says to Aidan  "take your tampon out, your acting like a girl". I chime in...I ask.."Cole, do you even know what a tampon is?". He says..."Yes, mom I know what a tampon is". I say.."Well what is it?". He says..."it's that thing you girls put in your privates to find out if your pregnant". My blood pressure comes down a bit...because I'm laughing to the point where I'm peeing because giving birth to three kids killed any badder control. Wish I took kegals more serious! I say..."um hot shot, your so frickin wrong". He says.."No, I'm not". I say.."There is a stick you pee on to find out if your pregnant, if your using a tampon you are so not pregnant". He says.."mom your wrong". I say.."I know you don't look at me as girl, but I am one, and you do not put tampons in your womanly parts to see if your pregnant". "You pee on a stick". "Tampons are for when your not PG, and you need to talk to Dad about all this". "Thank God you are clueless, makes me feel a little happy, since your older brother is a pro". Thanking God for one person in this house being naive.....which they should be at this age.....Let me tell you I wrote this post tired. So there are probably mistakes or bad grammar. Too tired to proof read. So be kind!