These People I Live With: Twisty and the Golden jerk come to town.

Let me just start by saying I just got back from running!!!!! I always wanted to say that. I started out running with the dog and Cole. We have a giant hill on our street that we were running towards. My neighbor Zak was out getting his garbage cans to the street. We ran by and I yelled look at us were running. As if I was a little kid trying to get someones attention. Maybe I have Daddy issues. Never thought about it. I'm kidding, the reason I yelled look at us were running is because I'm the one who always swore you would never see me running by unless it was from the popo.

My friends have been asking me to run since I moved here. I had a few responses for them. First was.....Have fun with that! Second was....Run by my house and wave cause I'll be in bed or watching TV. Last was....there is NO way in hell I'm running. Never say never, you'll end up chewing on that shit someday. I have learned this lesson many times over in my house. Isn't it funny how all those shit sayings people used to say to you end up being true. So after going through the Xmas pictures I decided to start running. Isn't it funny how you can get fat over night. You look at a picture of yourself and think is that really me? Hell yeah that is you!

I make fun of runners all the time. Remember the ones that brag all over facebook that they are running. I always wished they had a gag button I could push. I thought about hitting runners with paint balls as they ran by. Especially the really in shape ones. I'm kidding kind of, I did have those ugly thoughts but it was pure jealousy. You ever been talking to someone and their talking about running or something. As you listen you shake your head smile and think good for frickin you, you overachiever? Pure jealousy once again. That green eyed monster that comes out from time to time. Now look at me totally bragging about running, tooting my own horn. Kind of feels like eating shit.

So anyway Cole, the dog, and I headed up the hill. I had my earphones on blasting Katy perry radio on Pandora. At first I have this rush and I'm thinking in my head....yeah I'm running, I'm running!!!!! That is followed by a.....shit this is hard. Followed by a.....shit I've only gone a block. Followed by a .....holy frickin shit I need to walk. I will not stop though. I look over at Cole and see his mouth is moving, he then taps me on the side. I guess he was trying to tell me he needed to stop. I couldn't hear him because of the headphones. I stop, take off the headphone and say..... what's up buddy? He says...this hill is hard can we walk for a little bit. I say....Sure little buddy, I can keep going but I'll walk with you. Your laughing right now aren't you because I'm a total asshole.

So we walk for about a block. He taps me again and says....alright I'm ready to run. I say...It's no big deal we can walk. He is like....No I'm good. I say....you don't have to be embarrassed. He giggles and realizes I'm messing with him because I can't run. So we start to run again. Katy Perry's ET is blasting in my ears. It starts out alright again. I'm once again thinking....yeah I'm running. Followed by another....shit this is hard. Followed by thoughts of what if I pass out or have a heart attack. I'm with Cole that would terrify him. So the dog stops to pee thank God. We walk the rest of the way because the dog is tired and wants to sniff everything. So we walk back by our house. I want to drop the dog off plus the running made me feel like I have to pee.

Cole wants to stay home. I go back out by myself. I like to do these kinds of things by myself till I get the hang of it. Once I get good at it I will be asking my friends to run with me. They will say....wow you run good. I will say...I picked it right up no problem. This will be six months to a year when I get good! I get my music going again. It is amazing how some songs can pump you up. I try a different approach this time. I run for one block then I walk for two. This seems to work better for me. At one point while walking I think I may have been singing out loud. This is why I will be run-walking at night. I even caught myself slightly dancing to one song. Can you imagine what a jack-ass I looked like. As I run I picture the dimples on my ass running off my ass down my leg to the sidewalk. That is where they belong. I also picture all my un wanted belly fat melting away. I finally get home and I'm pretty wiped out, not pumped up like people tell you. I think I peed my pants a little bit on my run, well I know I did. I walk in my room change my pants and lift my shirt up to see if my belly looks smaller. I then get a mirror to check the dimples on my ass. I squeeze it together and yep there still there! Don't know what I was thinking as if this would all magically disappear after one run.

Kelly...aka...Twisted sister and Ella....aka....The golden Jerk come for a visit. This was two weeks ago. A little behind here on the blog. Here is Kelly. Poor thing she is still that "hey look at me girl".
She informs me she forgot her PJ's. She wants to borrow some. I come out laughing with these Kermit ones. I think she will be like hell no. She loves them I guess cause she is the "hey look at me girl". She learned everything from me. If your wondering what that is above her lip. It is a tampon. Do you get why I call her Twisty. Notice Aidan is looking at her as if she has three heads. Poor kids are going to need good therapy some day. You would think we grew up in a trailer but we didn't. We get a game of "just Dance" going right away. We are a tad bit competitive.
We ask Blake to play. This is pretty much what we got. Half ass hanging out. Whoever is on that phone is way more important than hanging with family. Love these teenage years.
Look there is another "hey look at me" family member. While trying to get awful pictures of Twisty dancing. Cole has to jump in front of the camera every time. Can't you just see the "hey look at me" coming out of his mouth. This only happens about ten times before I give up.
One of my BFF's from HS is here at the same time. Twisty and I are going to head out with her for a GNO. Otherwise known as girl's night out! Here Twisty and I are fighting to get the better angle for the camera. I'm trying to get her body to cover my fat. She is having no part of it. Nice rack on her I must say, so unfair!
Here Mary, Twisty, and I are all set to head out. We first head out to Jack Allen's for some dinner. Mary is that friend who attracts guys of all ages. So we have a half dead old guy talking to us. Think he can buy us a drink? Nope too busy flirting with Mary.

After dinner we head to the Nutty Brown. This is a great place to hang out that's only two blocks from the house. They have Karaoke on this night. Mary and I used to pop no dose, drink beer, and rock out at Karaoke back in our day. I remember the no dose would make my head itch. While at the Nutty Brown. My friend Mary keeps asking....what's this place? The Nutty Professor? I kept saying....THE NUTTY BROWN!

It's funny Mary and I picked up right where we left off. It's like no time has passed at all. I do get to see her every summer lately. We plan our trips home at the same time. Twisty talks us into some singing. They call us up. Now we are in a country bar full of hicks. There are two other girls in the bar besides the three of us. One girl is with a table of guys in a sweat shirt and jeans. The other girl is dressed in a red tutu, red tights, and a red sweater. She is dressed like my two year old niece. We think were going to rock the place. We are dressed up as if were going out downtown, totally overdressed for the place. All of the sudden Otis Redding comes on. Mary and I leave her high and dry. She sucks by the way. We stand back and act like we don't know her. We make friends with tutu girl.

So tutu girl tells us she is here every Thursday. We are about to get a round of drinks. We ask Tutu girl if she wants one. She says a vodka tonic. Mary and I head to bar. The bartender tells us Tutu girl can not handle her drinks. We say just fix her a fake drink like sprite and tonic with a lime. That way she will think she is drinking. So we laugh and I do feel bad. We kind of poke fun at Tutu girl and ask her if she likes her drink. Right back to mean girls in HS like we never left. She is like hell yeah. We laugh behind her back, not proud as I write this. But really, who dresses in a red Tutu and doesn't expect to get made fun of.

In the mean time we put in more music to sing. We do Katy Perry, and we suck. No love from the rednecks at all. You would think we would get some loving being the only overdressed girls in the bar. Not so much. We get our next round. There is a guy at the bar that we strike a conversation with. Turns out he was my brother Joe's....aka...Lost in translation's boss. Now my Bro lived with me last year for several months. He got a job at CVS when it was moving to Drip. He got let go after it opened. So we are half baked quizzing this guy about why he let Joe go. He tells me he cried when he had to let Joe go. Kelly...aka..Twisty who may be the negative Nelly of our group asks what he did to fuck up. He says....Nothing they just had to let people go after opening because they didn't need so many.

So what do we do??? When the bar closes way too early we ask Joe's X-boss to give Tutu girl a ride home. She told us she walks to the bar. We did not want to bothered taking her home. So he caves and takes her home. We head back to my house. We think we need one more drink, not so much. I find three half drank drinks the next morning.

Next day while taking pictures of Blake and Ella can't think that they don't look like siblings. We don't know how because we think they don't look like us. Somewhere down the line they look like someone in the family. They look more a like than my other two look like Blake.

We take Ella to lunch with the boys. Ziggy my dog loves her. I love Ziggy he is my favorite of these people. Probably cause he doesn't talk. Always happy to see me no matter which Kerry he gets.

So Kelly is a groupon addict. On Sunday she bought this groupon where we can make pottery. We leave Hub's with the kids and head off. We get to this place which is in the ghetto mind you. They are not only closed but they have a for lease sign on the door. Kelly...aka..Twisty not wanting to give up says they open in an hour. We head out to wait and stop by big lots. We decide after big lots in a bad hood to go to lunch downtown. We head out to lunch all the way I'm laughing at this groupon crazy girl. We meet a friend at Docs have a great lunch. He says his brother is downtown and we should meet him. We head downtown to meet him. We find ourselves in a bar where we feel old as shit. We leave after our first drink and head home.