Super size me

So today I got up at 7am. Got the two little ones out the door. Not with out a fight first. Aidan had left his shoes in a neighbors yard the day before. I told him he had to wear another pair. When I say he freaked out it is an understatement. This is the most peculiar child I have. He has to wear certain color clothes, certain color socks, a certain jacket, and a certain pair of shoes. So here we are yelling like two toddlers at each other. He ends up running down the street with no shoes and no coat in the freezing cold to get this certain pair of shoes. When he comes back he is crying that he is freezing. No shit Sherlock, should have just put on the other perfectly fine shoes!

I get the cranky teenager up not once but three times. I have to take him to school today since I need to be up there for some boosters work. Now everyone who knows me knows I'm no morning sunshine. I like to go back to bed after I get these kids out the door. As much as I like to give back these morning volunteer jobs are for the birds. On my way back from the school I'm surprised at how energized I feel. Maybe I should try and be a morning gal....I would get a whole hell of a lot more done.

I get back to the house with my egg Mac muffin, giant tater tot. and large Dr. Pepper. I watch a little shit TV and head out for some Xmas shopping. While at the mall I'm trying to find an outfit for a Xmas party this weekend. I'm in Macy's and have a handful of dresses. I walk into the dressing room and its like I'm walking the hall of shame. For I know I have super sized my ass this football season. There is a three way mirror and florescent lights in there. God help me! I get my clothes off and there I stand in my underwear horrified at what I see. I don't see my ass at home...ignorance is bliss. Ya see that giant crazy super size gross looking burger picture I posted on here.......Well lets just say it looks like I have one on each ass cheek. The texture of my ass is about like those tater tots. Oh I have super sized it all right! Not to mention it looks like I have two under my bra strap and about five in the belly. I seriously want to cry....why does it suck so bad getting old. I can hear the people in my skinny life past saying.......this shits going to catch up with you. Are you people happy????? You know who you are!!!!! So I walked out of there with NOTHING but my super sized ass. You ever have one of the moments where you wish you could hit the rewind button and start over????? Well I was having one right now. I would like to rewind to ass before 40!

After that I do some shopping for the kids and my nieces. Oh and yes I stop and buy a pair of Spanks for the first time ever in my life! I walk the walk of shame to go pay for these suckers. I'm planning on living in them. I stop at a taco place and get two tacos......Super size me! Hub's calls while I'm in the car on the way home. I'm telling him what I got the kids. He is like do we really need that.....Do we really have to get that......Will they really use that.....how much was that.......What's our Xmas budget.......They don't need that.......They won't use that.....can we try to keep it low this year!!!!!! I say.....ya know what GRINCH.......you make Xmas NO fun! You do this every year. He says.....And every year you don't listen! I'm thinking than why do you keep complaining! So I tell him.....I'll tell you what.....I'm done....you do Xmas! You tell the kids they don't need what they have asked for and it is stupid and they won't use it. You do it all.....because I don't want to be questioned about any of it! This is work for God's sake. So we hang up. I get a text when I get home that says....your not mad are you???? I text back.....Not at all Santa! Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Just saying!

After I get home I find myself walking around the house saying....knee's to chest.....knee's to chest. And yes I walk around the entire night doing knee's to chest. I look crazy but it is what it is. I blame the three mirror and the bad lighting. I'm in my room later wrapping gifts and putting them under the tree. The little guys love to see the gifts go under the tree. They crazy love to look for their name and shake the shit out of them trying to guess what it is. Cole comes in my room with one of Aidan's gifts. He says...look Mom Aidan tried to rip this one to see what it was. Sure enough there is a rip. I call Aidan in and he swears up and down he did not rip this. I look at both of them and say.....I guess I have to check my secret cameras. Cole right away says...alright it was me trying to get him in trouble. I don't know how I have rode this secret camera train for so long......oh yes I do....someone folds every time without ever testing me to see if I really know! See it might just not pay to have the smartest children. So all you honor roll parents out there can suck it at least I know what bad shit these kids are doing. BTW, totally jealous of you honor roll parents it just made me feel better to tell ya to suck it. I'm putting the two little guys to bed later. I rub their backs every night and then talk to them for a while. While I'm talking to Cole I'm doing sit-ups. He starts to do sit ups. I do 50, he does 250. Then he says....I kind of showed you up huh! So I sucker punched him! Well not really but it crossed my mind.

After my 50 sit-ups I'm trying to get their clothes out for the am. We are transitioning from warm to cold here now. Cole and I are trying to find jeans that fit him. I'm overwhelmed by the clothes and shoes in my house. I have all of Blake's old clothes and shoes plus I have a few friends that gave me hand me downs. I really need to go through all of this. I find a drawer that has four pairs of jeans that fit him.....hallelujah! I can hear the angels singing! After that I go downstairs to get my self cleaned up. While taking off my make-up and brushing my teeth I run in place! I want no part of this super size shit! I just wish I had about six weeks till this party. I get on the computer and pull up my new favorite thing......feedit. Like I said before this tells me how readers get to my blog. While most are friends and family there are at least five good "googlers" that come across it everyday. I only wish I could see their face when they land here. Today's top favorites are......

1......Is there something wrong with me if I yell at a plant?????? I just wish I had secret cameras in this persons house. I would love to hear what they yell at that plant.

2.....famous penises......Their spelling is about as good as mine! If you can't spell penis you probably shouldn't be googling it! My overactive imagination takes over about now, so now I'm thinking about a famous penis. The only one that comes to mind is....Tommy Lee! Who know!

3.....Boys are stupid throw rocks at them. HaHa, totally agree, I can think of a few I would throw a rock at!

4.....My sister farts all the time........I hear you google person, mine does too!

5.....There's only one queen. I know exactly why this person landed on my blog......There's only one queen and that queen would be me! Secretly wondering if this may be a gay guy googling this.