Living in my "Pinterest" world

While at work today I was a little bored. Not much going on there on a Thursday. So I find myself between Pinterest, facebook, e-mails, camera blogs, and mommy blogs. Oh yes and I'm talking on the phone in between all this!!!! I swear one of those mommy bloggers is copying me. I couldn't believe the similarities in the words she used. Starting with the name of her blog. I am just kidding but it was strange reading her stuff, she even refers to her Husband as Hub's!!!! How dare she!!!! Who does that besides me????  Can you  feel the sarcasm?? I'm pretty much doing this all at the same time. I can't stay focused on one thing at a time. So I'm back and forth to all these web pages that are all pulled up at the bottom of my computer. At one point I think to myself that "What the What" saying! I'm only taking in bits and pieces of things....no wonder I'm having a hard time mastering the functions of my camera. I CAN'T CONCENTRATE OR FOCUS........I'm A.D.D.!!!!! When my kids act A.D.D. I get frustrated and pissed off. Hello! I have no one to blame but myself. Is there a pill I can take as an adult for this???? I hate pills though!!!! It is so frustrating to be this way!!!!

My brain reminds me of one of those God awful carnival rides that give you vertigo.Ya know the kind that whips you from side to side, back and forth, and upside down to right side up, all at the same time?All you want to do is scream.....STOP!!!!!  I'm exhausted thinking about it. No wonder I can't sleep at night. So after fantasizing about cooking in my one of my thirty Pinterest kitchens, I click over to e-mail. Never fails there is always a good mom...aka...Debbie Downer email. She does send some really funny ones but there is always a Debbie one slipped  in the mix. The one today was disguised to be a not so Debbie one. It's headline was......."EAT FRUIT-most interesting". I thought it was going to talk about the benefits of eating fruit. Boy was I wrong. It starts off in capital letters reading.......DON'T EAT FRUIT AFTER A MEAL!!!!!!.....Only eat fruit on an empty stomach!!!!! Can't you just hear the dunnnnn, dunnnn, dunnn,.......sound as you read that! It goes on to read that if you eat say a piece of bread followed by a piece of fruit. The fruit does not go straight through you like it is supposed to. Nice way of saying you do not shit it right out. The whole meal starts to rot and ferment in your intestines and then turns into acid. I have an overactive very visual imagination. I always have, which is one reason I'm in need of some good therapy. So I'm visualizing a piece of fruit rotting in my intestinal track with maggots all over it!!! See why I need a therapist?....It just ain't right!

It goes on to read that fruit mixed with putrefying other food produces gas......I have been a little gassy lately. BTW, I have no earthly idea what the hell the word "putrefying" means.....I'm just copying what the email says. I will be "googling" it later. Hence after the fruit mixed with putrefying other foods....your body starts to bloat. Oh, that explains a lot. It's not the fact that I have fallen right back off the workout wagon. I can totally blame it on eating fruit after food. I'll look at my friends and say.....ya see this extra tummy????? That would be fruit rotting and fermenting in my gut!!! Can you imagine the looks I would get. I wonder how someone would respond to that. It also causes gray hair.....I have been totally blaming those on my kids!!!! Who knew it was rotten gut fruit! It also causes baldness.....I think Hub's has been sneaking in a little fruit action after a meal. Also causes nervous outburst.....I really do laugh out loud when I read this one. Cole....aka....Drama Queen  eats an apple a day, I have a strange feeling it is not on an empty stomach. Just a guess!!!! Last it causes dark under eye circles....Damn I was blaming that on the beer. Then it says....All this will NOT happen if you eat fruit on an empty stomach.

Last the email talks about how you should only drink fresh fruit juices.....I know a good brand..."Genesis Today". Never heat your juice. I was trying to think if I ever drank heated juice. I don't think so. It says...Don't eat cooked fruit. Say good bye to hot apple pie. Unless you plan to use it like the guy in American Pie. I'm a poet and I didn't know it!!!! LOL, alright not that funny. Says to drink your juice slow. To let it mix with your saliva. It talks about how it is beneficial to go on a three day fruit-fast. It will cleanse the system and your friends will be surprised at how radiant you look. I wonder if it will give you the same radiant look I hear botox and fillers give you. All this is said to have been scientifically proven by Dr. Herbert Shelton. I do truly believe that raw fruits, veggies, and seeds are very beneficial to the body but I'm no Doctor. Even if I poked a little fun at the Debbie email.

After all this food for thought I click right back over to my Pinterest boards. For some reason I'm steering clear of the food board. I think I will check out my exercise boards. I look at all the hot bodies I will never look like. I love the one that says, one week to a rock hard butt.....Bullshit, it's going to take a lot more time than a week to get a butt like the girl that is pinned. I'd like to pin her all right. Pin her ass to a wall and force feed her cheeseburgers.. Can you feel my green eyed monster surfacing???? They say to replace your bad habits with good ones. Like a fruit instead of a cheeseburger. God forbid you ever eat a fruit after a cheeseburger. I think McDonald's got that whole apples and cheeseburger thing wrong. Exercise instead of a cocktail. Can't we just jog to the fridge for a beer and jog to the bathroom after. Maybe jog in place while drink it?????? I really do have good intentions when I pin the exercise stuff. I mean to do it but facebook, Pinterest, emails, shit TV, and Oh yes these people I live with get in the way! It is never my fault of course. Everyone and everything else's fault. As I write this one word comes to mind..... Blake...aka...the know it all. I got an email from a teacher that said he had not turned in some stuff. I took a break around the time he was getting off the bus. I tell him about the email. He says...Oh yeah I know but I turned that in today. As he is saying this I'm saying it to myself in my head. I knew that is what he was going to say word for word. It's safe to say I have heard that one before. He really should come up with a different story. Universe where are those perfect kids I have been asking for???????

I go back to work to have a Pinterest party. I check out all the party ideas that I will never do that I have spent precious time pinning. I imagine myself on the little tree stump stools with the pretty cloth seats. Lights hanging all in the trees and colorful overachievers cupcakes surrounding me. Oh yes and my perfect Pinterest cocktails in ball jars sitting in the cocktail canoe next to me. Bliss!!!! It is a nice thought to be living in your Pinterest world. After this I go back to Facebook. I want to see if anyone has posted anything interesting. Not so much. Facebook is pretty boring lately. Thank God there is not a barf, boring, REALLY, gay, TMI, get a life, or an OH no you didn't button. I bet I would have gotten everyone of those a time or two. So back to Pinterest I got my hair done yesterday. I had pinned a few colors I was going to try. I came back with the same old hair color. I'm a risk taker I tell ya. I did not take a shower today because I didn't want to ruin my perfectly done hair. It will not look like this for at least seven more weeks. That is when my next appointment is! Work is finally coming to an end. No time for Pinterest recipes I will never cook. That's alright after the rotting fruit in my gut visual today. Thank you, Debbie!!!! I think I may need to "Snopes" this fruit shit!!!!

On my way home Debbie calls. My Sister...aka...Twisty totally threw me under the bus. I was slightly poking fun at Debbie with her. I had a good story. I told her not to tell her. That was last night!!!!! I guess she forgot. After I'm on the phone with Debbie for a while complaining about my kids. She says....."I was reading the obituaries the other day, you know how I do that". Um yes, I know how you do it!!!!! Weird right?????? She happened to recognize two of the names. They were the brothers of people she knew. Why is it that older people like to talk about people they know or don't even really know that died????? After we talk about the dead people Debbie reads about stories. I tell her how Aidan....aka....the worry wort broke my garage window. He walks in and says......"I just happen to notice someone broke the garage window". Oh you just happened to notice huh???? Because that shit eating smirk on your face isn't giving you away at all!!!!!! Aidan is the easiest one to read of all these people. I tell him if I check the secret camera's and find out he is a liar he will be in big ass trouble. I tell him there is nothing worst than a liar. He tells the truth and yes I still have them snowed into believing the world they live in is filled with secret cameras! It's alright to call me an evil genius. I kind of like it! Last but not least. Blake called me shortly after I got back to work. He was calling to report the broken window. I love how all these people want to be the bearer of bad news when they are not the guilty one! Sorry again for bad grammar and run-on sentences! If you need me I will be pinning my Pinterest dream pool and imagining my perfect Pinterest body swimming in it! Happy pinning everyone!

What happened to lazy weekends????

 Sitting here thinking about what Saturdays used to be like. Staying up way too late on Fridays, sleeping in on Saturdays, and meeting friends for a late lunch. Not a care in the world. Of course those were the days before kids. No one tells you when you decide to grace the world with your offspring that your lazy social life is over. So Friday night it was early to bed at least for the kids. Me being a night owl can never sleep before midnight! We woke up Saturday morning scrambling to get ready for two baseball games and what I thought was one flag football game. During Aidan's first baseball game I get a call from my teenager who likes to be left behind for anything screaming family these days. He says..."when are you going to be home"? I say....."it's going to be a while". He tells me his hand is bleeding everywhere and he has no idea why. I'm like..."what do you mean???? How can you not know why your hand is bleeding everywhere"????? He says..."It just is". I call my neighbor Erin in a panic. I tell her to go over and I will be on my way. She calls me as I'm driving home. She says...."it's no big deal he just scratched his hand must have hit a vessel and it won't stop bleeding". She wrapped it up for him and let her daughter and her daughters friend stay there in case he bled out before I got there. I get home and he has a pin size hole in his hand. I look at him and say.."Are you kidding me?". He pulls out his iPhone because he videoed the bleed. I have to admit what ever he scratched had a blood squirt and did bleed a lot for that pin sized thing. I tell him I have to go to Aidan's second game and he is coming with me. He goes complaining  all the way there. I tell him your brothers have sat through every sport you ever played cheering you on....you need to support them too. So he goes but text messages the whole time we are there. Kids going to be sad later in life when he realizes he has skipped right over his life because his head was always in a phone.

 After two baseball games we head home to get Cole ready for his flag football game. We get home and Blake and Aidan say they don't want to go. I say they can stay home. While I'm freshening up my rode hard and put away wet ass in my bathroom Cole comes in crying. He looks at me and says....."I go to every ones games and support them and cheer for them and now they don't want to go to my game". Aidan has been in the sun all day at this point. BTW, kid never played baseball before this year and just happens to be lead batter! His coach told me he is natural. Bragging right now of course. Kids an over thinker I have always said that. Baseball is a thinking sport. Not to mention after every game he comes home and pulls up youtube videos on baseball and watches them for hours. Back to Cole. I tell Cole Aidan has been in the sun all day and needs a break. I tell him that Blake and I will be at his game for sure. I walk out and ask Blake to see me in the bedroom. I explain to him that Cole is upset and he has to go support him at his game. He argues a little. I say..."I'm the one who does everything for you and your going to do this one thing for me...or I will cut you off...and you don't want that". So Blake, Cole, and I head to Cole's game. I drop Aidan off at a friends house because he is too young to stay home alone. At his age I walked a mile home from school by myself and let myself in my house till my parents got home from work. Oh, how times have changed! We are now in the day an age of helicopter parenting. I swear we are setting these people up for failure in their future.


We get to Cole's game and its hotter than hell. Blake lays on the field with his shirt off not watching a thing. I'm hot as shit but I pretend to be totally into the game watching my watch the whole time. He does amazing. I know this because the coach told me so. After the game I'm like hell yeah it's over! The coach tells me they play two games every Saturday. I feel my heart sink and I guess my face showed it because he says.."go home I'll take Cole after the game". It takes me one second to agree to this. I walk over to Cole and tell we are hot and the coach will take care of you...we are going to HEB and heading home. He is so sweet and says.."that is fine". Not before he makes a comment about Blake tanning himself through the whole game and not watching it. I can't argue it is what it is. Blake and I high tail it out of there to HEB the local grocery store. I go in for a few things and come out 150 dollars later.

 After HEB we drive around Drip because my kids and Hub's want to sell our house and move on land. I like to drive around looking for potential lots. We drive right behind the Middle school because we see a for sale sign. I have to laugh maybe because I'm from Chicago. We come across this house. It is a normal every day house except there are goats on the porch as if they are dogs. There are ponies and donkeys roaming around the front of the house! Only in Drip would you see something like this!


Later that day Cole's coach calls Hub's. He tells him the second game that no one was there to support him he did awesome. The coach said there was other coaches taking notice of Cole and asking who he was. Damn it if that isn't a fine example of lazy parenting! Well shit I live my life guilty and this is yet another thing to feel guilty about.

 So Sunday...Cole had a sleep over that aged me another year. Those boys stayed up way too late. Cutting into my beauty sleep, Then they got up way too early once again cutting into my beauty sleep. The boys and I mean all of mine wanted to head to the lake Sunday morning. I had just come off interrupted sleep. I wanted to stay home to do laundry, buy veggies for my veggie garden, watch shit TV, and cook an awesome dinner. So that's what I did. Let me tell you I have thoughts of turning this blog into a cooking one. Those people make money on their blogs. I was watching shit TV while doing laundry. I watched the Chew and came across a great recipe that I made while they were gone. So anyway if you have a family more than two you get two chickens. While cleaning them out I was a little disturbed that one was missing organs in it's cavity. Anyway you rub the chicken down with olive oil. That sounds a little dirty. You season it with salt, pepper, and red pepper inside and out. You place red potatoes and onions all around it. You shove lemons up it's ass. You get your favorite tomato  sauce and put it around it. You add white wine then you drink the rest of the bottle. You get a can of chopped tomatoes and throw it over the top. Top with fresh rosemary. You cook it at 375 for and hour and a half. I basted it about every 15 minutes. It was delish!

While the boys were at the lake I worked in my garden. Once again I just bought a bunch of stuff and randomly planted it everywhere. I hope something comes up!

My knock out roses are looking good! It's starting to feel like spring around here. Tonight we had the pre qualifier for the district track meet. I know Blake made it for pole vaulting. Tonight he was competing for the 300 hurtles as well. He came in first in his race and qualified for tomorrows race. I'm so proud of him. Say some prayers for him. I would love to see him take first in both. I really want him to beat that middle school pole vaulting record too.

I have a great Debbie Downer story. I nicknamed my mom Debbie Downer. She was not a big fan of that. I now refer to her as positive Patty. So she calls me the other night. She is telling me how her and my Dad....aka...Grumps went out for some appetizers the other night. They were sitting next to this couple. She is telling about all the things this couple and them had in common. Then she starts telling my how this women's sister was murdered and her brother died in a tragic  accident. She tells me they had such a great time talking with them I say...."So you had a great time talking about dead people". She starts to laugh cause she knows I am WAAAA, WAAAA, WAAAAing her in my head. I got a Debbie Downer E-mail from her the other day. Apparently if you water your organs by drinking a glass of water before bed you have a lesser chance of having a heart attack or stoke. I wonder if beer counts as watering????

I have been working out consistently now for six weeks. I workout at least four to five days a week. Every time I finish I lift my shirt to look at my stomach. For some reason I think that fat is going to disappear. I have still not lost one pound. Starting to get a little pissed here!

Oh the Joy of the holidays!

Oh, the joy of the holidays!!!!! Christmas shopping, Christmas baking, and Christmas music! My Mom...aka...positive Patty was here the last couple of days doing Xmas with us. Before she left today she baked a few dozen chocolate chip cookies and a few dozen spice cookies. God love her, I hate to bake. After I dropped her off at the airport I decided to go to Walmart to get some more baking supplies. I always wonder where the people in Walmart come from. I never see people like this anywhere but there. I could spend hours people watching. Anyway you ever hear that saying about your eyes being bigger than your stomach? Well in this case my brain was thinking bigger than my slacker ass true self. I came home with a ton of stuff to bake with. Carmel crunch bars, peppermint bark, oatmeal cookie stuff, peanut butter ball stuff, chocolate mint cookie stuff, sugar cookie, chocolate pretzel stuff, and so on! I'm baking to give homemade gifts to the middle school teachers and a few others. I CAN'T BAKE....I NEED TO GET THAT THROUGH MY HEAD!
So a few hours later I find myself frustrated as hell, covered in chocolate, powdered sugar, and God knows everything else I have cooked with. Cussing like a sailor the whole night. I determined that I can't melt chocolate successfully. I also realize baking is for the birds! So now I find myself knee deep in half ass done baked goods. I have that brain that is all over the map. I'm trying to do twenty things at once not getting anything accomplished. Kind of feel like a bee pollinating flowers. All this stuff looked great in my head....didn't really turn out the way I pictured it. My kitchen looks like a bomb went off in it and I have no desire to clean it. I finished the carmel crunch bars. They taste good but were a sticky ass mess to make. I finish the peppermint bark...ruined a few chocolates trying to melt, but finally got it half ass looking. The peanut butter balls were a huge mistake but I got half way through them. After that I gave up. Screw all the other ten things I had in my head! So I'm standing there in the kitchen that looks like a bomb went off covered in all the shit I cooked. Hub's comes around the corner. I say......Just call me Betty Crocker. He looks at me shakes his head and says.....more like boodie cracker. Being anal boy he asks......Are you going to get this kitchen back to normal???? I say....I thought I would just leave it for the Xmas elves to clean. So for a while I sit checking E-mails while looking over into the bomb of a kitchen wishing I had personal assistant or a wife!

I ask Hub's to get the kids in bed while I clean. After a bit Cole comes down. Hub's is yelling at him to go back upstairs. He is ruffling through a school supply cabinet pulling a bunch of crap out. He looks and Hub's and says......I'm getting school supplies for kids in other countries to help them....I think this is more important than bed. Hub's and me look at each other and laugh....this kid is such a drama queen. So Hub's looks at him and says.....That's awesome but you should help kids in other countries between the hours of 3 through 8:30. Cole goes up the stairs mumbling.....I can't believe I got in trouble for trying to help....this is crap! Truth be told his school is gathering school supplies and stuff for the Bastop people who lost their houses in fires. I think they want you to bring in new school supplies not ones that say....CAVENDER. I think the Bastop people will be getting some baking supplies from the Cavenders!

So a little while later the kitchen is still a mess. I go in my bathroom to get my makeup off and wash my face. I pee first. Hub's is in there getting ready for bed. I come out of the potty and turn on the water. Hub's looks at me and says....did you forget something. I say...I don't think so. He says....you didn't flush. I say....So it was only pee. He says...that is gross! I say...I'm trying to go green...save water.....and I can think of a lot grosser things than that! He says...GREEN......ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Then he is like be GREEN and turn off lights, shut doors, turn down the heat, and don't buy hundred dollars worth of baking supplies you will never use. He then says something that is still cracking my ass up. He says.....It is less than ten cents to flush a toilet and that is money well spent. I almost choke on my toothpaste. I spit and say......How the Hell would you know that????? I shit you not he says he calculated it one time! I call BULLSHIT! What a know it all. So I start to wash my face while I listen to this nonsense. If he knew me at all the last half of my life he has been with me he would know! Every night I pee, don't flush because right after I brush my teeth and wash my face I pee again from the sound of the water! I flush after that!

After that Hub's goes to bed and I go back to the dreaded kitchen. I kind of want to scream like a two year old.....fall down and kick my legs and arms! So I Facebook for a few while glancing at the kitchen. I finally get up to clean this mess. I have visions of throwing my kitchen aide mix maker into the Grand Canyon! I put together a nice basket of bake goods for the middle school teachers lounge and the Coaches room. They will have no idea what a cluster fuck this really was. End result is what counts....little do they know they were supposed to get about five more treats! After this I start to move all the crap I didn't use to the pantry! I think I need Martha Stewart to come visit me for a weekend and put all this stuff to use for me. I get 500 things into to the dishwasher and wipe down the kitchen counter tops again. If I had a dime for every time I wipe them down I would have money for botox.
So Mom came in Saturday night! She came bearing gifts of Fannie May candies, Garrets popcorn, and Stollen bread! This muffin top is here to stay as long as she keeps coming. She is an enabler for sure! The kids can't wait to see her. They want to open their Xmas gifts right away. I did her shopping for her. So I let her give them some of their number one gifts. She is a hero for sure! We have a great time opening everything. Hub's has a fabulous time putting together the soccer goal for four hours the next day. I sleep through most of this. This soccer goal is something the kids crazy wanted.........me too! For me it means hours of entertainment out of this house. We all fight over the Garrets popcorn......anyone from Chicago knows why!
So any who, we decide to go see some Xmas lights Sunday night. I saw on Facebook the the wild flower center was having something Sunday night. We head out there. Thinking it's going to be great. Not so much kind of over rated. The important thing is we spent time together as a family. The two little guys didn't want to go with us. We were almost out of the driveway when they came running. Hub's told them if they didn't go they were going to bed! Thank you very much Hub's! They should have stayed home. They were annoying in the car and I found myself chasing Cole through a crowd at the place trying to give him a swat for bad behavior.

After we get done with the not so great light show we drop the little guys off at the house. We are going to go look at more lights around the neighborhood. Which is code for......we are going to drive around while Hub's deals with bedtime. We are not far from the house when I hear this firecracker sound I look over and my 14 year old has his ass between my Mom and me and is blowing farts. Now Mom aka...positive Patty comes from the......we don't fart, we pass gas family! These were clearly farts, there was no passing them off as passing gas. So I'm trying my hardest to act like a grown-up and yell at Blake about how rude and immature that was. I can't help but laugh my ass off while trying to scold him. Farts are funny and that was kind of funny as well as a little trailer at the same time. My Mom takes over and tells Blake that her husband his Grandpa has never farted in front of her. He can't believe this. She swears that he has only slipped one out once or twice in their 40 plus years together. Me I'm thinking my Dad...aka....Grumps would seriously be disgusted by Blake's bad behavior. Blake is surprised by this. He then tells my Mom that her daughter meaning me farts all the time in front everyone in the house. My Mom says......I never heard her fart. He is like.....She does it all the time and it happens a lot over the last few years. So much for family secrets......jeez! Now Patty would have never acted so childish she must be so proud of me right about now. I really have the urge to sucker punch Blake about now.

We had a great visit with my Mom but it went really fast. I don't know why but it seems like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Xmas are all flying by lighting fast this year! Sucks getting old.....all that shit mama told you turns out to be true!

Favorite Feedjit's of the week........Feedjit is what people are "googling" when landing on my blog.

Number one........."These people are in my head and they won't stop talking to me!!!!!!" I feel your pain google reader! These people are in my head too!!!!!! They won't shut up either!!!!! Beer does wonders to shut those suckers up!

Number two......"Tired of cleaning up other people's shit" I'm tired of that shit too! I don't even like to clean up my own shit! I feel so connected to my google readers this week.

Stalking!

Friday night Hub's and I headed to the Broken Spoke for a 4H benefit. This place is your typical Texas country honkie tonk bar. GREAT people watching. They had a silent auction that was not silent at all. It was so much fun too watch. You get cards that you held up if you want to bid. In the midst of my excitement I raised my hands in the air and almost paid 5000 dollars for a guitar. If I'm going to spend 5000 grand I want to go in the shop. Though after watching the housewives of Hollywood I'm rethinking that thought.

Kevin Fowler put on a kick ass concert for this event. I'm not a huge country music fan but he put on a damn good and entertaining show. It just reaffirmed my thought that I want to be a rock star. If I could only sing.

I love this picture with the word "BROKEN" next to his head. I would love it more if my face was next to the "BROKEN" sign.

Towards the end of the night I realize that Wes from the bachelor pad is in the house. Being the TV junkie that I am I know exactly who he is. I'm so excited I spend the next 45 minutes stalking him trying to get a picture, calling and texting two of my friends who are also TV junkies. I can't really get a good shot so I finally go up and ask if I could get his picture. It brings me back to my younger years of being just a little bit gitty about a guys. I first ask him for a shot on my I phone so I can send my TV junkies the picture. I then ask Hub's to get a shot of him and me because no one is going to believe this shit. Now Hub's is a total trooper and takes the picture. He is most annoyed that we are on date night and I have spent the last 45 minutes stalking a reality TV star. He is even more annoyed when I spend the ride home texting between Sharri and Jen about my stalking night.

All weekend Aidan is in a soccer tournament. They make him the goal keeper for half the game. BTW, he had five games between Saturday and Sunday.

He looks too damn cute as the goal keeper.

I have to say even though Aidan is an awesome soccer player I was a little worried because of his height. He is playing up.....Do you hear me tooting my horn right now??? I thought for sure those balls were going to go right over his head. Not so much it's like the kid grew wings and caught every ball but one.

In between Aidan's games I have to run Blake to his referee job. Usually I drop and run. When I get there I realize he is refereeing my secret crushes kids game. What do I do I stay and stalk. I will not say who my secret crush is. Many of you who read this know exactly who he is. Let's just say he is a TV star who lives in my part of the woods. I call Hub's to gush about this and it almost sends him over the edge since I was just stalking the night before. After Blake is done we have to wait out there for some friends to drop off Cole. Now I'm not complaining at all because secret crush is right next to us hanging out. Once again I am brought back to my younger years of trying anything to get this secret crush to look my way. I know damn well this is obnoxious and ridiculous but damn he is good looking! Not like I could ever land this plane so all in fun! BTW, I really do love Hub's but I am not dead.....just sayin!

Later that night I'm on the phone with my Mom...aka...Debbie Downer. Debbie is on a roll tonight I can't even keep up with all her stories. She is first telling me about some girl who died at the Palmer house sliding down a banister. She moves on to the guy that fell at the Notre Dame game and died. Then she is talking about my twisted sister taking an upcoming trip. She goes on to tell me how women should not travel alone. From there she goes on to talking about all the nuts in the world. She is then talking about all the college girls that have been killed. Then she is talking about my cousin who got fake contacts for Halloween and how she could go blind. All that's going through my head is "WHAAAA WHAAA WHAAA! Now Debbie is not computer savvy so she does not know I talk just a wee bit of shit on here about her. For all you computer savvy relatives, please keep it on the down low. The women still scares the shit out of me when she is mad. I love her dearly but this is crap I just don't need to know. Yes, people even at forty she stills scares the crap out of me!!!!!

Any who, Monday rolled around. I got up and could not go back too bed because I was going to get my hair did. While in the chair I'm thinking damn look at those bags under my eyes! WTHELL with the florescent light in a BEAUTY salon! Now I'm for the "GREEN" way of life but not at all for fluorescent in my beauty salon, dressing rooms, or in my house! Ignorance is bliss for God's sake.

I pick up the kids from school and a few friends come home with us. The kids just got their new school pictures. I'm changing out my frames and I keep all the years past behind the current picture. While I'm changing them the kids are all around me because they like me. I don't know why they like me because I really don't like kids. I'm showing them Cole and Aidan's past pictures and telling them how much they have changed. All the sudden Cole gets down beside the island and is giving me the cut throat sign. He is embarrassed, it brings me way back to when Debbie and the grump embarrassed me...mostly Debbie. I stop showing the pictures. The biggest reason is I can't afford therapy for this one! While I'm changing the pictures, Cole's friend tells me he made a bad face in his picture. He goes on to tell me he has to take a re-take and his Mom was madder than a hornet. I laugh out loud for sure, I'm just glad that I'm not the only hornet out there.

We are doing homework later that night, which is not my favorite time of the night. Cole asks me if I am coming to his Thanksgiving lunch in the am. I say of course I am, I never miss anything. He then takes me back to when he was in second grade and I missed one event the whole year. He is telling me how I was supposed to go check out his work and I was MIA. He then tells me he sat there by himself with tears in his eyes. Then some Mom who looked liked me but with a different face walked up to him and said...Do you want me to look at your work since your Mom is not here??? I traumatized my child and I had no idea! I see therapy in our future.

While doing homework Cole says to me...when we were in Chicago this summer is that the last time time I'm going to see great Grandma alive? I am taken back because it is probably the last time since she is so sick. I don't even like to think of her not being around. I tell him it may be but we are lucky we got to go for so long and see her a lot on our visit. The sweetie pie says's to me that he does not even know what her favorite color is, her favorite food, or her favorite thing. This pretty much brings tears to my eyes. He asks me if I could call my Dad..aka...Grumpa and ask him if he knows what her favorite things are. I call my Grumpa and he answers all his questions he then jokingly says that her favorite thing was him. Cole says....... I knew Grandpa was her favorite thing.

I seemed to have survived the nasty virus that over took my house last week. What can I say except I am a rock star. I wish I didn't spend six days obsessing about getting it. My Dad may be right when he tells me not to worry about things till they happen. I just can't get my mind to think that way.

Twisted Sister and my sweet niece come to town

Twisted sister and baby Ella...aka the bird come to town late Tuesday night. I'm writing this blog late Tuesday night thinking I can't believe their trip I waited so long for has come and gone. Ella was all about me that is until she saw Blake...aka...beak, as she calls him.

Wednesday we head to the Rooster school to have lunch with Cole and Aidan. Cole is happy to see us. When Aidan comes in for lunch he is kind of out of it. He tells me his brain hurts. I think he is trying to pull one over one me so he can come home and hang with Ella. I tell him to suck it up. Kelly and I leave to go to lunch, God forbid we eat that crap they call food at the school. Nothing is close out here so we drive about 20 minutes to our favorite restaurant, the satalight cafe. Just as we are pulling in the parking lot my phone rings. It is the school nurse, she tells me Aidan has a 103 temp and I need to pick him up. All the way back to the school all I can think is damn it's their first day here and I hope we all don't end up with this crap. Great Mom, I know you think I would be worried about the fact that my baby is so sick. I get to the school and the girl behind the desk tells me I need to go to the nurse because Aidan can't walk. Now I start to panic a little. When I get back there he is laying on a bed with cold rags on his head and his neck. I'm feeling like a real ass about now. In my defence this kid has pulled the cry for wolf card on me before and he was not at all sick.

That night we get pizza for dinner. The boys are so happy Ella is here.

Sick baby lays on the couch the entire night. I'm watching TV at about midnight because that's how I roll and Aidan wakes up and asks me if the world is going to end in 2012. I ask him where did he here this????? He tells me someone at school told him and they even made a movie about it. I tell him no one really knows when the world will end except God. He says.....why would God end the world that he made. I'm thinking because we have all turned into narcissistic assholes but I don't think that answer will go over too well with this worry wort. I tell him not to worry about it because it will not happen in his life time. He tells me he does not want to die and he does not want anyone he knows to die. This is a pretty big burden for such a little guy to carry. How do you even begin to explain your way out of this one.

Finally I have got the stuff to boo some people. We got booed three times and I have dragged my feet about returning the gesture. The kids get in the car to boo and Cole and Blake are fighting about the front seat. I'm trying to referee as usual. I lose my patience and start to yell. Blake has the nerve to tell me I ruin everything fun because I always end up yelling. Are you kidding me kid???? They ruin everything fun because they fight about everything! I would not have to yell if they didn't fight about everything. They want to boo this guy who has a Michael Meyers guy in front of his house. I park the car down the street and tell them to go. A few minutes later they return with the boo gift. I ask what happened???? They tell me they are scared of Michael. I tell them to suck it up and go ring the bell and run. They come back a second time with the box of candy out of the boo. I ask them why they have the candy???? They tell me it looked good and they wanted to keep it. See what I mean about narcissistic assholes! We go to boo our second family and they are all in front of the house. Needless to say we still need to boo them.

Blake who lately proved he is about as smart as a rock gets his knee stuck in the stairs. Don't ask me what he was doing putting it in there in the first place. Twisted sister and I pry it out for him.

I woke up this Tuesday morning got the kids all ready for school and shoved them out the door. That is of course after they had their normal morning fight over who's waffle had more butter on it! I wish that was the worst of my worries. I go back to bed as I normally do. Wake up at my standard ten am. I go to check my E-mail and I'm feeling slightly off. I'm kind of filled with anxiety and I don't know why. I start to panic slightly because that's what I do being raised by Debbie Downer. I start thinking what if something is wrong with me???? My mind totally goes to the dark side. This is the thing about being a stay at home Mom you have why too much time to think about the "what if". I talk myself off the ledge and then I am overwhelmed by all the stuff I need to do. It is hard enough to keep up with the getting kids ready and fed, keeping up with laundry, dishes, homework, and practices. I have lost my Mo Jo lately and I don't know why. I have a bottle of Zoloft sitting in the cabinet that my Doc gave me when I explained this to him two months ago. I have yet to take it. I don't know why but pills freak me out. I really think I might need them but I hate that everything you take comes with a long list of side effects. I make it through the day. I think women carry this guilt thing. I feel guilty all the time when I don't do what I plan. I feel guilty about not being the greatest Mom or raising perfect children. Guilty, guilty, guilty, that's how I feel. I have guilt about not doing something great with my life. Anyway I was talking to Debbie on the phone tonight. We were talking about someone who is sick a lot. She says...I wonder if he has aids. I'm a little taken back. I laugh and say are you serious????? She says well it does make you have a weak immune system. But really are you serious????? No wonder I'm so messed up! Anyway still here in LaLa land with these people I live with! Btw, if you read this I have a vote for me on side for a Mom blog, please vote I would really like to win something!

I am the queen of Halloween!

Crazy busy weekend as usual. Friday night we went to our neighbors for dinner. Aidan was at my other neighbors house so after throwing a few back at one neighbors house I walk over to the others to get Aidan. I plan to have a cold one and get home at a decent hour. Hubby goes to bed as I'm about to walk over there since he has to get up at 6am. Now these friends are the super fun friends! Always hard to leave once you get there. They are like crack to an addict, you just can't get enough. The conversation is always good and never boring. So at a time I will not say I find myself trying to carry a 50 pound seven year old in the house. If I really had secret cameras I would probably never drink again. I wake up way to early having to get Aidan to a soccer game and Blake to a referee job. I'm thinking why me, I know better. I need like ten hours of sleep, not five! Made for a long day but totally worth the misery.



I get all the running around with the kids done and I head to our new super close grocery store. I'm shopping for a while and I see this lady in the yogurt section reaching up to get yogurt. I shit you not more than half her ass is hanging out of her hot pink terry cloth daisy duke shorts. The store is crowded as can be and everyone is laughing and talking about her. I stand there for a while just to watch the reaction of people walking by. Now I have gotten every one of those Walmart people E-mails but this is the first time I have ever come face to face with someone that could be the poster girl for one. I find myself wanting to get a picture of her because no one is going to believe this when I tell them the story! It would be one thing if this 50 some thing women would have been hot but she had more dents than a golf ball. I can't get a picture because it is so crowded and I don't want anyone to see me acting like an asshole. This is a small town we live in and that kind of shit comes back to bite you in the ass. I go to the check out and I see her in line. I think perfect I will get behind her in line and get my picture. Not two seconds after I get there a lady comes up to me and Say's..."I'll take you over here" What am I supposed to say?????....No Thanks, I want a picture of this ladies ass because my friends aren't going to believe it. I go in the new line the whole time trying to see the reaction of people to this women. I go to the parking lot and think about waiting for her so I can get that picture. Then I talk myself off the crazy ledge and say WTH, is your problem.......GO HOME. I have already wasted about twenty minutes following her around the store.

Sunday I took the two little guys for their Halloween costumes. Aidan to my surprise wanted to be a killer penguin. Cole wants to be a gold skeleton. When we got home Aidan wanted to show every neighbor his killer penguin costume and even ride his motorcycle in it. Do you think some peeps are totally talking shit about me tonight???????? I could just hear someones dinner conversation. They would say did you see that crazy Halloween freaks kid riding around like a killer penguin.

I finally got MOST of the Halloween stuff out. This is the house during the day. It kind of looks like a junk yard during the day. At night the thing comes to life.

So Hubby watches football all day and I run the kids for Halloween costumes and put the finishing touches on the house! Not bitter at all! Let me just say yesterday was sweetest day I got Hubs his favorite beer and wine and a few cards. WHAT did I get ? NOTHING! Not bitter at all! I actually knew he would forget so I got him stuff to make him feel bad! My twisted sister is coming next week and I don't want any crap about what we do. Now he is guilty so he will leave me alone.

This is our house at night. I really hate it during the day but when you put all the lights on at night it looks pretty cool. A lot of kids in our hood are afraid to come to the door. Believe it or not I still have two bins of crap in the garage I just have lost motivation lately.

I'm on the phone with Mom...aka...Debbie Downer. I am telling her I just don't seem to have any energy lately, I don't know what my problem is. I tell her I think these people have stole my MO JO. What does she say???????.........I think you may be going through menopause! I remember menopause with her and I don't think my head has started spinning with green spew flying out my mouth yet. Out of respect I keep this thought to myself. Now I will just be crossing my fingers that she doesn't read this post. She only gets on here once in as while because she is not really computer savvy. Usually it is when she is here and she'll say pull up they blog for me. I can maneuver her to which entries are safe.

Every time Debbie comes to town she wants to get on my facebook page. We always end up in a tiff over it. She will want me to pull up some neighbor friend that we haven't lived by since I was in the eight grade. Then she will want me to pull up their pictures. She will say things like who is that with her???? I have no idea I haven't seen or talked to her in twenty six years. She wants to look at what everyone is posting. She will ask why did they post that??? I don't know maybe we should call them! I always get frustrated with her and we end up snapping at each other. Thank God she doesn't have her own page. Thinking of facebook right now it has become quite boring. Those people that used to post ridiculous crap about what they are doing are all gone. I was one of those people for a while too. It's really bad if your a stay at home Mom. Your bored sometimes it's almost like a cry for help! LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME! You want people to know you are still out there and not feel invisible.

Blake went with his friends to a haunted house on Saturday night. Hubby, the little guys, and I went to a BBQ. Blake got home before us (15 minutes) he called my phone three times in that 15 minutes to make sure we were on our way. I asked him if he was scared. He replied NO! We got home and he was sitting in the house with every single light on. I say he was scared, but I will never call him out on it. He has been bugging the crap out of me to let him go on this Colorado trip through the church. I have used it to my advantage and got him to do great on test and help around the house. I gave in on Sunday night and tell him I will drop off the deposit check on Monday. He wakes up Monday and tells me to make sure I drop the check off. Mondays and me never get along so I'm running behind. My phone rings and it is Blake from the bathroom at school. He tells me he does not want to go on the trip anymore. Now this kid has bugged me for weeks about this trip. I ask him what happened. He tells me nothing he just changed his mind. When he gets home I

tell him he can tell me if something happened to change his mind. He say's he just plain and simple changed it. I am sad today because it is clear that something happened to change his mind and for the first time he shut me out. Don't ask me why but I thought I would never go through this with him. Anyway the UNIVERSE is still on my ass and broke my garage door today! I just know I'm going to win the lotto to make up for all the broken shit lately! DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE????

Hello Universe, it's me and I'm not going to take it!

I am Kerry...aka...The Queen of Halloween. Every year I have the best decorated house in the hood. This year I have zero motivation to get this shitz out. I wish someone would invent a happy, motivating pill for me. I would love to go to bed and wake up and everything is done for me. I think back to my childhood to that story of the shoe maker when he went to bed all the shoes were made by elf's for him! Easy way out I know, in true life there are no elves to make this happen. So in my true Halloween character I get this shitz out, mostly because these people I live won't get off my ass.

The two little guys love setting all this up. Blake not so much. Last year I set up the yard in my witch hat. Blake's bus comes right past our house. I was setting up in the witch hat when the bus went by. Now the kids and the bus driver love my yard and she throws me a thumbs up while driving by. Blake is coming down the street and comes up to me and says....Mom did you really have to be out her in your witch hat???....It's soooo embarrassing. I tell him I'm your Mom and I take pride in embarrassing you! If I were a kid I would think it was cool to have the best Halloween yard. I don't know what his problem is.

Even though the little guys love to help, they have no idea how to set this stuff up so it looks good. I let them do what they want and then I go behind them and change it! I am the queen, not them.

I surprise the kids and pick up some pumpkin's at HEB. Of course they want to cut right into them even though they will be rotten by Halloween if we do that.

Being the queen of Halloween, I can't wait either. We could always get more. HEB sells them for only four bucks. I learned quickly don't buy pumpkins at the patch they are way cheaper at the local grocery store.

Cole of course wants the love of his life to come over and help him. I'm really pulling for them even if they are nine since I love her parents. We would make great in laws.

Aidan wants a knife hanging out of his pumpkins head. I see therapy in his future.

He tried and he failed, miserably! Last year my twisted sister did some crazy ass pumpkins from a kit that had a sun and wolves. Cole remembered this and was trying to copy it. I think it looks like a pumpkin that got shot in the head.

What can I say A for effort????? Not really but don't tell Cole that.

Blake comes home and wants to carve his pumpkin. I am really pumpkined out at this point. I just want to watch modern family and be left alone. He carves it on his own, he did a great job. I ask him for a picture. He does NOT want to take one. I tell him I have a picture every year of his life with his pumpkin. He tells me he will take one but he does not want me to put it on facebook. I agree but don't agree not to put it on the blog. Now they really don't exactly know about the blog this is for them when they are age appropriate with their own kids.

Hubby comes home from work and I ask him to help me with the final touches to the yard. The wiring that is, I can't wire all this crap without blowing a fuse. He tells me the shower door is not working right and he is going to fix that first. He spends a lot of time cleaning the crap out of it in the garage because he is a very anal clean freak. I'm on the computer in the front of the house since Blakey baby fried my lap top last week. Hubby comes in and says's...I can use your help. I ask him with what???? He tells me to come in the bathroom. I tell him let me finish up on here. I also ask him to tell me what he needs help with. He tells me just come in the bathroom when I am done. I take me time and then I start washing a window to hang a Halloween decoration. While I am washing I hear this noise coming from the bathroom that I can't make out. I go in there to find Hubby cleaning up a huge mess of glass everywhere. WTH, UNIVERSE we are at way more than three things going wrong! Hubby just looks at me and laughs. I'm not really laughing at this point. I have not asked the UNIVERSE what's next lately. I think the universe and me are at odds for some reason. I have to run to Drippin to pick up Blake so I get out of cleanup thank God.

My friend Ashley is coming by to pick up Cole's love. I call her from the car and tell her when she picks up Brooke to go in my bathroom. She knows all the crap that has gone wrong lately. She calls me and says......You need to get to church quick. YOU THINK???? I don't know who I pissed off but for God sakes UNIVERSE pick on someone else! I get back home just in time for Hubby to have cleaned it all up!

Earlier today I had a follow up phone call from Berkley heart center. Now I had this crazy test since my Dad....aka....Grumpa had a heart attack and my Aunt....ake...Debbie Downers, downer sister had one at 39. It's crazy what they can see from this test. I recommend it whole heartily! The lady on the phone tells me my body does not digest fat well. This is a gene I got from Grumpa or Debbie. Now damn I am thinking to myself this is bullshit. I want that gene that my Mom seems to carry for perfect skin. She in her hay day sunned like a rock star and smoked like a champ. She is in her sixies now and has less crows feet that I have! She doesn't have a wrinkle on her forhead, is it so much to ask to inherate that gene??? Universe are you listening??? I need to go on a very low fat diet even the good fats. As I am talking to her I am making a super high in fat dinner. She also tells me alcohol is a devil for me it will increase my cholesterol and blood pressure. Hello women I am Irish catholic we drink beer! I need a tottie now and then to get through the day of living with these people. I LOVE fat foods! I don't have a sweet tooth but I defiantly have a fat one. I am telling the women all this and she does not seem to get my humor in it! This news to me is not fun! I hate getting old and having to manage health crap! I really love the "ignorance is bliss" thing. I'm writing this blog on a night when I don't normally have a beer but I want one because this lady said I can't have one! I also have that bad habit of wanting things I am told I can't have. I don't know if it's because I want to prove I can or what! BULLSHIT I say! Hey UNIVERSE what I want from you is happines, good health, super wealth, and great genes! DO YOU HEAR ME?????

Tom and Janice come for a visit

Our friends Tom and Janice came to visit us with their two cute little boys. We have known them for about 13 years now. I am the one who actually set them up. Maybe I should start one of those match.com sites. I kind of feel like I had a hand in putting these two cute little boys into the world without have to do the dirty work. Just tooting my own horn right now.








They came in Saturday and we stayed up way too late reminiscing about all the stupid crap we used to do. This blog could get real interesting if I went into to those stories. Janice and I crashed Hubby's car one night when she talked me into driving some guy she thought she liked home. The funny thing is she didn't like the guys shoes when he got into the car.....so the crash was not really worth it. The worst part of the story is while I was panicking coming up with a story of why the car had a dent I had butt dialed Hubby. He heard the big lie I had come up with. This is not the first time I did this I had also crashed Hubby's car with my friend Kim and did the same damn thing down to the butt dial. God just doesn't want me to get away with anything.









We woke up Sunday morning not really feeling like sunshine. I was super tired. Poor Tom and Janice got woken from those cute boys about four hours before Hubby and me rolled out of bed. Thank God mine are at the age when they like to sleep in and they can get up turn on the TV and make their own breakfast. I waited a long time to be in this place and I'm finally there. WOOO HOOO!



We headed out to lake Austin for the afternoon. The boys have a blast.

These two kind of look like each other. Lane reminds me so much of Cole when he was a kid.

Aidan is our boat lover. He wants to buy a house boat when he gets older. I hope he gets everything he wants some day.

The water is a little cold so the boys take turns peeing off the back of the boat. Sometimes I think is unfair that I can't whip that shit out a relieve myself on the lake or in a bush. Now don't get me wrong I have been known to drop trawl with the best of them after a couple of beers. One time Mom....aka...Debbie Downer caught me in my younger dumber years and I thought she was going to have a melt down. Debbie would never pee anywhere besides a toilet so needless to say this has never been discussed after that night.

Cole...aka...Drama is going to entertain us with his country music singing. We went to see Blake Shelton at the Nutty Brown a few months ago. He loved him so much he went home and memorized every song this guy sings. He wants to sing one of his songs at the talent show. He sings them great with so much passion he has even sang them in our local sports bar and makes the crowd go wild. The unfortunate thing is it's your typical country song so it talks about getting drunk, smoking, women, heartache, and so on and so on. I don't really think this would go over well in this small town where they breed perfect children.

He gets a crowd as he always does. This kid is going to make me money someday. He owns me big time so I will be his biggest fan.

HEY UNIVERSE thank you so much for allowing me to buy this compound on Lake Austin, I am forever grateful. This place is my dream it was a huge main house with about seven guest houses. Every time I am on lake Austin I picture myself living there with my friends and family all nestled in to their comfy guest quarters. Yes, I still listen to that most annoying voiced lady that brain washes you into asking the Universe and you shall get what you want. I want that damn house.....ARE YOU LISTENING?????????

The boys are loving watching this guy do somersaults in the air. I am enjoying watching him too. I am picturing myself a totally hot 21 year old on this boat with these super buff guys. That is until I see the house in the background. Then my minds goes to living in a kick ass house on lake Austin.

Back to reality I'm on the boat with my two kids because my oldest only hangs with his friends these days. I'm on the boat not at all bikini ready, thank God it is cold. But I am on a boat with great friends and a great family....Life is good.

We are heading back to the dock to get home and get us some good old Salt Lick BBQ.

Cole wants the love of his life to go to the Salt Lick with us. So I call my friend Ashley to see if her daughter can go with us. He has loved Brooke since we moved to Austin. I love that he has never changed his mind. I'm tooting my own horn right now but he is going to be one hell of a catch some day.

RIBS at the Salt Lick...need I say more.

After we get home I realize that I am happy my kids are no longer in the toy stage in life. We had four kids under the age of five over last night. My game room looks like a bomb went off in it. Gosh I remember those days all that overpriced plastic all over the floors placed perfectly for you to trip over it.

After I get the house back in order I am checking me E-mails. I get tons of stuff with the kids being on sports about volunteer stuff. People always hit respond to all so there is a ton of stuff to go through. While I'm going through all this crap I come across a Mom who has a link to her Blog. I click on it out of curiosity even though I don't know her. It's pretty funny, she is a major shit talker refering to people as "Helly Kitty", "Micky Mouse", "Sponge Bob", and so on. You can tell she is totally shit talking other parents and neighbors. Now I can shit talk with the best of them but I keep it to my own family. I can't get my ass kicked from them. I was just thinking if "hello Kitty" or "Sponge Bob" gets a hold of her blog they are going to know exactly who she is talking about since she goes into great detail about them. Good stuff but very brave women. Anyway tomorrow is Monday and that's always the day I'm going to re invent myself into the perfert person. I better get some sleep.