Calorie counters are buzz killers!

So I'm a pinteresting fool! I have a love hate relationship with it. It has made building a house depressing. Those great pinterest kitchens are for millionaires. Warning to anyone building or remodeling...stay off this pinterest unless you shit 100 dollar bills.  Pinterest makes you feel bad about your body too. Damn those perfect pinteresting work out barbies. Don't get me started on the clothes, photography, and recipes. Pinterest shit is for over achievers. Which I am not. I like to think of myself as a motivated procrastinator. If I was motivated I could do a whole blog on failing on Pinterest.

I have made some great recipes that I found on there though. Like the other night. I made cheesecake factory's spicy chicken pasta. Hubs who happens to be a buzz killing calorie counter said this was the best thing I ever made! That says a lot since we have been married as long as the dinosaurs were around. Then he says my all time hated thing....."Is this fattening?'. I say..."I don't think so, it's loaded with good stuff like veggies and chicken". "Can't be all that bad". Boy I'm glad I didn't bet the farm on that statement. There is always a computer, iPad, or iPhone with in arms reach at our house! Yes, we are those annoying people who aren't present in our lives.  So I grab the iPad to look up the calories on this amazing melt in your mouth recipe. I "google" spicy chicken pasta from cheesecake factory calories. At least twenty sites come up. I click on the first one. It says...."1750" calories. I start to stop eating this fat ass shit recipe. I click on the next site. Same thing! I bring my plate to the garbage disposal, throw out most of my dinner. Hubs is like..."well, what does it say???". He should have been watching what I was doing which is throwing out more than half my dinner. As I click on ten more that say the same thing. I say...."I can't find anything on it". I put the iPad away as if I have found no info. I say..."Keep eating I'm sure it's not bad". My nose is growing at this point. Now I'm safe cause he doesn't  read this blog anymore. Being an anal perfectionist my grammar drives him insane.

My first clue should have been...."cheesecake factory". My second should have been..."Best thing I ever made". Things that feel good are never good for us! Which by the way pisses me off. I kind of want to complain to God about this. I did send some of this yummy recipe to the perfectly in shape new neighbors. That makes me smile in an evil kind of way. I am just kidding a little I hope you know! They workout and run so they are alright. I sit on my ass a lot and watch shit TV so not so much for me. Which is why mine ended up in disposal. Damn it, it stills makes me mad that everything good is bad....why is that????

Tonight as I write this my super not so fun summer kids are watching "Duck Dynasty" . When does school start?????  Aidan who is all about how to get ahead in life says..."How are these toothless people with beards so rich???". I say "because they came up with a great idea." Cole says...."No it's because they have a funny show". I say...."But they landed that show from their great idea". I say..."Come up with a great idea so you can get me some work done because your shenanigans have aged me". Cole laughs and says.."Mom you look great, you just need to workout a little more". I love this kid. He is my most honest kid...tells it like it is for sure. Even if you don't want to hear it. Guess I need to workout!

So summer is coming to an end! Thank you Jesus.  It's work!  My kids have  tried to out eat one another. They get mad at the other one if they are eating something. Like Cole the other day was eating a Sammy. Aidan was eating two broccoli and cheese things from the freezer. Cole got mad and said...."Why do you need to eat two?". Little pig pen says.."Cause I'm hungry". Cole who is by far full from what he's eating says..."I'm going to eat one of those too, so you don't get all of them". I think....."really, you guys are not even hungry but your trying to eat so the other doesn't get it?". Go back to school, for Gods sake... This just chaps my ass!

Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree.

 So this teenager thing is kind of wearing on me. Not like a nice fitting dress either. Ya know the kind that makes you feel beautiful and unstoppable. More like an awkward bulky sweater that is itchy and uncomfortable. I'm not sure how to tackle these teenage years. I wish teenagers could just flash forward to the later years and see how things they do now effect their future. I try to be understanding and open. I tell him he can talk to me about everything. But come on, does anyone know a teenager that is 100 percent open with their parents??? There are still things that I did as a teenager that I as an adult wouldn't feel comfortable telling my parents. Mostly because I wouldn't want to disappoint them. Truth is I did plenty of things that disappointed them. Some they found out about, others they still don't know about.

 I have talked to my kids from a very young age about drugs, drinking, and sex. Some people may not agree with me on this. I actually drug test my teenager from time to time. Not because he is some druggie either. I test him because I have heard that drugs are very available in our school.  A lot of us think "Not my kid". Since I'm a professional TV watcher. I have watched a lot of shit TV and a lot of informative TV. Lots of talk shows on kids and drugs. Every time I watched the parents had no idea their kids were in trouble. They were athletes and straight A students. It's not because they are bad parents. No parent wants to see their kid go down that road. Kids are master manipulators. We as parents have to be one step ahead while we can. This is one thing I can't ignore. I have seen first hand how drugs can tear a family apart. You feel helpless. I believe no one wants to be an addict either. It is a disease. I bet any addict would look back on their life and change it if they could. Drugs weren't a big thing in my high school. I actually only heard of a few people that did them. I saw a few people smoke pot in high school. I never saw anyone do hard drugs. It's different now. We have to do everything we can to stop it.

I don't even do it because I don't trust him. What I don't trust at his age is peer pressure. I think we forget how hard peer pressure is at that age. High school is the years where a lot of us are not confident enough in ourselves to be the one who says "NO". We don't want to look stupid or be the chicken shit. We also think we are invincible at this age.  Teenagers only see the the now....at least most of them. I don't think most of them see what you do now can affect not only who you become but what happens in your future. Most teenagers have not yet experienced a lot of bad stuff. They have not had friends that overdosed or became addicts.  If anything by drug testing him I have given him a way out from peer pressure. He can say..."I can't my parents test me and my mom would go bat shit crazy if I test positive". Still I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.  Am I over the top????? This is a sticky subject for sure. Some people may agree with me and others think I'm crazy.

It's funny because I have talked to them from such a young age about sticky stuff. They have always told me "I will never do any of that stuff". When they were young I thought..."Damn, I'm totally ahead of the game" "I got this".  But when they get older they start to become more adventurous. I'm lucky because I have good hearted kids for the most part. They have not done anything life shattering yet. But they do make mistakes. What I forget is I'm not raising perfect kids either, as much as I hoped I was.  I'm here to pick up the pieces and hopefully guide them to be successful, respectable, adults. I have to remember we learn from mistakes.

I think it's really hard to raise kids now. There is way too much information available to them. They know too much and see too much from a young age. Even if we shelter them, there are friends that tell them stuff or show them something. We can't be there all the time. I will never forget when I was at the park in about 5th grade. My friends and I were on those spring animals. I was just bouncing back and forth on my animal. Minding my own business, happy not knowing adult things. My friend told me about sex. I was shocked. I thought about my grandma first. She was like the women in the shoe. She had lots of kids. I couldn't believe she had done that sex thing so many times. It really bothered me. I thought she only did that for kids. Why else would someone do that?????? It truly is something I will never forget and didn't want to know then. I really just wanted to play on that spring animal and think of my Grandma making mac and cheese not whoopie.

Now we are dealing with YouTube, Facebook, instagram, twitter, phones, and snap chat. My head spins thinking about it. So kids can YouTube anything. I have researched. Pull up any drug on there. It tells you how to not only make it but how enjoyable it is.  Not to mention all the jackass dangerous stunts kids see on there.They want to be those jackasses. Having no idea the dangers of the stunts. They make them look fun and cool. Most of those stunts can kill you.  Facebook, jeez...."hey look at me" "look at what you weren't invited to" "Let me insult you and your pictures". "Look at me half naked" "Look at my muscles" "look at what I'm doing". "Look where I am" "look what I have". Instagram...another "hey look at me" thing. Phones.....damn...no one talks it's all text.  Texting makes you be able to say things you would never say to a persons face. It's not great, even something simple can be taken the wrong way. Hello we are raising kids who don't talk in person. That's a problem.  Twitter...do people really care what you have to tweet about???? Or do they just judge and talk about you.  Are our kids mature enough to handle all this judgment???? I struggle with it as an adult. Then there is a new one. "Snap chat" this it an app. where a picture flashes for a few minutes to someone and then disappears. Now think about this! What good can come of this kind of thing for teenagers?? So like I said, It's really hard to parent now. With all this to keep up with. Trying to help them make good decisions. Look at TV and music now. TV shows make teen sex normal, affairs normal, lying and cheating normal. There is a lot to overcome for us parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a brighter note I had a funny "WTF"parenting moment this weekend. Pig Pen picked out a cake at the store. While I was watching TV I saw him walk by with the cake. A few minutes later I hear a blow dryer. I go in to see what he's doing. He is blow drying the cake. I ask..."What the hell are you doing??". He says..."It's frozen, I'm trying to thaw it out".

Summer, summer, summer, time!!!!! Can everyone hear the screaming coming from my house???

 The house has a sign that says..."Coming soon".  This is brilliant. We have had two showings of people who want to be the first to see it. The realtor came by today so I could sign all of the paperwork before my super fun road trip to Chicago. Hub's and I totally showed our ass in front of him fighting like two immature teenagers. I swear this is going to be the death of us. We are still fighting about everything. The first people who looked at it may make an offer this week. We have NO WHERE to go. So glad Hub's had this great idea to move. I'm stressed to my breaking point. Hub's wants to donate and get rid of all kinds of stuff. I like to hold on to things. Anyone know of a good therapist?????

 The kids wanted to head to the pool today. I had a ton of stuff to do. I finally have a kid old enough to take the little ones without me!!!!!!!

I was supposed to pack while they were gone.  I couldn't get my damn face out of that 50 shades book again. I got not a thing done. When I went to get the kids from the pool Aidan's face looked a bit more messed up. He walked up to the car and I said......."What now". They went to the workout center and he was trying to run too fast on the treadmill and fell!!!!! Really??? He looks like someone beat the crap out of him. This kid has been accident prone since he popped out. He was an accident in the first place.....the best accident I ever had. My old neighbors in Frisco used to say if they didn't know me they would call CPS. This was because he always had a mark of some kind on him. There was a time when I thought he couldn't see or hear right because he fell down so much. I remember one time Hub's and I were sitting at the kitchen table. He was about three. It looked like someone pushed him into the wall in front of us......but no one was there. We both looked at each other with that "WTF" look on our faces.

My house was full once again....full of stinky boys that is. I don't know why I'm "the house".....I'm really not per say a kid lover. They get on my nerves. Yet they all seem to love to be here. Reminds me a little bit of me in my younger years....always trying to get the attention of people who really weren't that into me. I once tried to get a gay guy to turn straight for me. Like I said before....anyone know a great therapist????? I really do like this group of kids. I think my younger two have picked their friends wisely. They hang out with a really good group. I hope they stay with them. This is always a big conversation in our house. I really believe your friends make you or break you. I think back to my younger years. When I hung out with good kids I made good decisions. When I hung out with the bad kids I did bad stuff.

The boys love to harass the best dog ever. Because he is the best dog ever he puts up with all of it. He is going to Chicago with us too!!!


Tomorrow we start to make our way to Chicago. I'm not packed yet either. I'm a fly by the seat of my pants girl. I wish I was super wealthy....Christian Grey wealthy. Then I wouldn't pack a thing. I would just buy more shit when I got there. So anyway tomorrow we drive to Dallas to spend the night with Hub's family. Thursday my Dad flies in. We will pick him up at DFW and start our long ass drive. I do happen to have the best dad ever even if he is a little grumpy. This will be the third year my dad does this. The first year the car broke down in a dry county. We were stranded with three boys a dog and no alcohol. That was no fun. Last year we flew the two older boys up there. My dad, the dog, Aidan, and I drove. We packed beer that trip!!!! When we got to the hotel there was no can opener. I still laugh when I think of my dad opening beer on the door jam. Like I said.....best dad ever!!!!!!!!!!!

My final note of the night.......I heard someone say that "once you go black you never go back" saying recently. I had to giggle. I was at a bar recently and there was a white guy and a black guy dancing close to each other. When I heard someone say this I flashed to those two dancing side by side. I think there might be something to that saying. Again sorry for bad grammar and all that. I'm too tired to proof read!

This was not the Mother's day I dreamed in my head as a child.

Mother's day morning my three little sweet things had cleaned the whole house. They made me breakfast in bed. Showered me with very expensive presents they had picked out. Then I woke the hell up!!!!! To the sound of fighting no less. I tried to stay in bed but the sound of the door slamming over and over was too much to sleep through. They were all scrambling to get to the lake. I stayed behind to get sandwiches and snacks ready. I was meeting them out there a little later. Somethings wrong with this picture right?????? We did have a very nice time at the lake though. Had a fight on the way home. I was feeling a little unappreciated being Mother's day and all. I asked them on the way home if they had shopped for me. I turned around to see a few deer in headlights. I noticed when we got home Aidan was scrambling to find something to re-gift me. They did have flowers, a gift card, and a card for me. I just think it would have been nicer if they had picked something more personal out. I am the only girl....."queen bee" rings a bell here. I guess it's more like queen of driving their asses all over and keeping up with all their shit. Bitter.....not yet!

There were two cards on the counter. One said Mom and the other one Kerry. I picked up the one that said mom first. When I opened it....it said  To my amazing Wife! At first I thought Hub's just put the wrong card in the envelope. That was until I opened it and the kids had all signed the wife card. They tried to talk their way out of it but I was having no part of it. Now I'm bitter! I had a mommy "WTF" moment and felt sorry for myself. I put so much thought into all their stuff. This was not the kind of Mothers days I day dreamed about as a child. This just didn't seem right. On a brighter note Cole did make me a very sweet poem at school.

Later in the night I was working on a previous blog post. I have always said my favorite part of blogging is feedjit. This is where you can click on and see what your readers "google" to get here. You can also see  what blog post they end up by what they "google". So I pull up feedjit for a laugh. Boy did I get one. It was such a great one I peed my pants just a bit. So someone "googled" "thinking about my death". When they googled this it brought them to my "for better or worst" post. This blog was all about marriage. I have no idea why when they "googled" that it brought them to that post. It couldn't have come on a better night though. I laughed harder than I did in a long time. I needed that laugh.

Something about the end of the school year makes kid go crazy. All my kids are not being the perfect angels that they usually are. Hub's had a softball game tonight. The little guys wanted to go. Since it was a double header it would have gone too late. Since it was Hub's last game I said they could go for the first one and I would pick them up. When I got there to pick them up Aidan freaked out. He wanted to stay for the other game. He swore up and down that we promised him he could stay. This just proves that kids only hear what they want. Hub's and I both tell him he is sadly mistaken. He gets in the car and we pull away. All of the sudden he morphs into worlds worst two year old.....he is nine btw! He sounds like a fricken seal yelping. I had spent my day getting our house ready to sell. So I'm not really in a mommy happy place. I tell him to stop or he will be grounded tomorrow. This makes him yelp louder. I pull the car over and tell him to get out and walk back to the softball fields. He can tell his dad why he is there. He gets out of the car and starts to walk. This is not really how I saw this playing out in my head when I said this. I make the best of it and I think....I will show him. So I drive away. The whole time I'm doing this the other two are begging me to leave him there. I say..."I can't do that, I just want to scare him". So we go up two blocks and turn around. I can see him. I keep thinking he will turn around to look for me. Not this stubborn one. He is walking and not looking back.


I pull up beside him and tell him he has one chance to get in this car or he will be sorry! He looks at me and starts to run towards the fields. Cole jumps out of the car and says..."I will get him". I sit there for a minute. I look at Blake and say..."What do I do now, this was not supposed to happen". He laughs. It's half sad and more pathetic that I'm asking a 14 year old what to do. I drive up to get Cole and him back in the car. What I drive up to is Cole and him having a knock down drag out fight. Blake jumps out of the car to separate them. He tells Cole to get in the car. He puts Aidan over his shoulder and puts him in the car. Can you say..."White trash". Aidan keeps trying to open the door and get out. At this point I have had it!!!!!!!! I tell Aidan....."Get out of the car and go tell your dad what is going on". I really think there is no way he will do this. He gets out and starts marching back to the field. I'm madder than a wet rooster now. I pull into a parking spot. Blake and Cole jump out of the car because they love when someone else is in trouble. So I get out and watch all of them run to try to be the first one to tell Hub's what is going on. Blake makes it there first. When I walk up Hub's looks at me and says..."come on Kerry this is embarrassing". I look at him and say..."Ya think". He then looks at Aidan and says...."If you know what's good for you, you will get in that car and act right for your mother". I watch in amazement as Aidan's eyes do not leave his. He shakes his head and says..."Yes sir". All I can think is....."Are you kidding me". I know this is late but happy Mother's day to all the Mothers out there, and good luck! Oh and for any haters out there! I love my kids more than I ever thought I could love anything. I'm just venting that they are not perfect tonight! I asked the universe for perfect kids and a multi million dollar lotto ticket. It just hasn't listened yet!

50 shades of get a grip!

 While Kelly aka.....Twisty was here we headed out to the barber shop. Not to get our haircut either. The barber shop is an old barber shop turned into a bar here. I got Kelly reading 50 shades of Grey while she was here. My friend met us out and brought book two for us. Our inner Goddess jumped for joy. We were on the hunt for a look at our famous resident here. I had seen him there two weeks before. No such luck. I tell you what though we were like the cat's meow in this place. It's kind of fun to be the cat's meow, it doesn't happen very often. The bar was not very busy. There were about seven guys in there. Most had their beer goggles on. Right away a round of drinks was sent over for us. I guess the guy had used the "F" word. He felt bad he said it in front of us. He was at the bar, we weren't even paying attention to him. We were too busy talking about 50! The "F" word really doesn't offend me anyway. Unless of course someone is telling me to "F" off. If I wasn't so distracted by the 50 shades conversation I would have said......."Thank you for the Fing beer". There is something fun about shocking someone.

 I don't know why but Kelly and I have a gift for attracting "tools". In this case we attracted the biggest drunk tool in the place. Kelly...aka...Twisty was caught trying to read in the bar. I sent the drunk tool over to call her ass out. This opened up the door for drunk tool boy. He walked back over with Kelly and sat with us. He talked as if he had a mouth full of marbles. Then he spilled his beer all over the table. Then he ordered another because God knows he needed it. We couldn't get rid of drunk tool boy. He was most annoying. He first told us he owned a body shop in Drip. Then he said he had lived five different places in the last year. Working at different body shops. My guess is he is full of shit about being an owner of one. I know why we can't get rid of him. Kelz and I have a hard time being mean to people. We don't want to hurt anyone's feeling. In this case we should have, he would have never remembered it the next day. Last time she was here we went to the barber shop. We picked up a tool in a wife beater that night.

The tool was starting to get annoying. So annoying that the bartender even stopped Twisty to ask her if he needed to leave. Twisty being the nice person she is tells him it is fine. We are trying to have a deep conversation about 50. We can't get the tool to shut up! We give him the book to read. This ended up getting rid of him. Should handed marble man that book as soon as he sat down. The guy was like a walking add for "do not drink too much". Twisted Sisters trip went way too fast as usual. I really have the best time when she is here. I wish we could live by each other.


Last night we went to our friends Rick Trevino's concert. The kids had a bast because they got to go back stage. They thought they were all that and a bag of chips. When I got them up for school Aidan...aka...pigpen didn't feel well. At first I didn't believe him. We had a little fight and then I realized he just might not feel well. I had to go to work. I let him sleep while I opened the model. It was cute the best dog ever was in bed with him. He had his paw over his chest. At lunch I picked him up and took him up to work with me. This is when I realized I had been snowed. We keep soda at my work. I don't keep it at my house for a reason. He has one and morphs right into a crazy person before my eyes. He is messing around the model driving me nuts. The builder comes in to work. We share an office. I tell him I had to bring Aidan in because he is sick. He grins at me and says......."yeah he looks real sick". It's one of those shameful mommy moments for me.

After a while it is time for school to let out. I work right across from the school. Cole walks over and is invited to go to the pool with friends. Aidan wants to go too. I tell him he can't stay home from school and then go to the pool. He is pouting and crying about this. He tells me I'm the worst mom ever. I tell him you have no idea what a worst mom ever is! He says...."yes I do it's you". There are times when you are a parent and you can't believe what a little shit you raised. You feel ashamed because you know you would have never said things like this to your parents. You would have thought that but never voiced your ignorant opinion. You feel guilty thinking...what have I done wrong. It doesn't stop there he tells me he is going to mess up my model to make me mad since I made him mad. MAD????? You have no idea how mad I can get. As far as messing my model up. Have at it kid, you will regret that. I can mess up your life no questions asked. I own your ass right now and we could have a pleasant short time together or I can make it hell on you. You choose, it's up to you! Yes, I did tell him all of this. He realized he crossed the mommy sanity line. Next thing I know he is hugging me telling me he thinks I'm a great mom and he is sorry. I stand off at first. He really chapped my ass. He keeps coming around the corner with this cute face asking me if I'm still mad. I tell him my feelings are hurt more than I'm mad. I'm really madder than a wet Rooster. His face gets me and we hug it out. His wife is going to hate me some day!!!!!

Hub's is a little late coming home from work. He had to drive a hour an a half to pick up my lost phone. Whole nother blog on that. I had called him and complained about pigpen when he was being mean to me. So Hub's gets up to my work. I'm deep into the second 50 shades of Grey book. Aidan is watching the Disney channel and eating all the candy in my model. I walk out with them when they are leaving. Hub's stops Aidan and says..."I heard you were pretty disrespectful to your mom today". Aidan pushes the line with me but never with Hub's. Aidan looks up at him like a deer in head lights and shakes his head. Hub's keeps lecturing him. He keeps looking at Hub's shaking his head with tears in his eyes. I want to take him and hug him. I know I can't because he was wrong and he needs to learn. Being a mom is just so hard. Hub's and I fight over stupid shit all the time. What I have always loved about him is he always calls the kids out if they are not respecting me. He has a lot of respect for his mom and that is a quality I looked for in a man. I always thought if a guy is not good to his mom he will be good to me. It's a respect thing for women. You never want to see your kids sad. You want perfect kids and a perfect life. Unfortunately that is not how the world works.


They leave and I go back to 50! I'm starting to really get what the big hoopla is with these books. I think most women have been in or are in a relationship where we want to change the guy. This girl takes one fucked up dude and changes him fast too. We are intrigued by this. This just doesn't happen in real life. The plus is the guy makes 100 thousand dollars an hour. Yes, they say that in the book. This is a women's fantasy. A guy we can change that happens to be a billionaire. This book also makes you feel the long over "new be" feeling. You know the feeling you used to get when you were first dating someone. The kind that makes you smile all day. The kind that makes you sing out loud in your car. The kind that makes you feel sexy. It's sad that, that "new be" feeling doesn't last!!!! It is like a drug. So a girlfriend of mine was in front of the model. I went out to chat with her. About 50 of course. I have everyone I know reading this. The very young "hot" guys are doing the lawn as were chatting. She is leaving and the young hot yard guys put on the sprinklers. I look at them and say...Hey are you trying to get me wet"? As this is coming out of my mouth I realize how dirty it can be taken. I really didn't mean it in the dirty sense. They laugh and I think.....get a grip, Mrs. Robinson! I don't want to leave work because I'm deep in the second book. I go back to reality. Back to fighting kids who can't find their SHIT.

I decide to take off for a bike ride. I borrow Blake's beats headphones. I blast the Pandora Adele station. I ride at sunset. I love riding at sunset, you see deer in front of you on the bike paths out here. I have to be careful because I have a bad habit of singing out loud when I have these beats on. Especially after a day of reading 50 shades. At one point I pass a ripped fine ass dude. I can't help but imagine something dirty. Remember I'm reading 50 shades, so give me a pass on this one!!!!! I have never seen this guy before. So don't worry I'm not imagining anyone I know Hub's! My imagination quickly goes south! I think damn muffin top is not sexy! I can never be naked in the light!!!! I would never be able to relax. Then that damn being raised Irish Catholic kicks in. When your raised Irish Catholic you are raised to feel guilty even about thoughts! You fear God! So my guilty pleasure was cut really short.


I have gotten a lot of readers on this blog recently. I know this from Feedjit. I love to look at feedjit. It tells you what readers are "googling" to get here. What feedjit tells me is there are lots of people "googling" famous penis. I wrote about that once. There are also lots of booger eaters out there. I wrote about that once too. I alway have this fear that I will have nothing to say, but there is always something with three boys, an anal hubby, and a perfect dog. I read back and I learn from my mistakes, I laugh at things I don't remember, I cry, I cringe at my spelling and bad grammar, and then I think on some never blog with a beer in your system. Holy hell I'm putting myself out there to be judged and talked about. Well have fun with that because I'm also giving my kids a book to read and teach them that life is not perfect, it is hard, and I try to write about true feelings. My oldest came down tonight as I was writing. We had a brief conversation about kids he knew that were doing dugs. I told him that kids will make you feel stupid for not doing drugs but you need to stay strong. He told me he was offered drugs. I was trying to stay cool but geez these kids are only 14. I was very proud when he told me he said he was not interested because of football. I got the summer football times and wanted him to not to play. Not after this!!!! I will give up my summer and get him there with bells on!!!!!!! Anything to keep my precious baby moving in the right direction!!!!!!! I really don't know what I did right with this first. I was really young and dumb when I had him. This kid has NEVER said I was the worst mom ever.
Of course he is no where near perfect either. I don't know where I went wrong with the other two. They have both said I'm the worst mom ever! More to come from these people I live with! So much more since a feedjit made me laugh out loud today!!!! Sorry again for bad writing...once again it's way too late to proof read.

"Time" to bring home the bacon!

Let me start by saying I think breastfeeding is a wonderful and natural thing. I believe it is beautiful bonding experience for mothers with their babies. With this post I am in no way discrediting breastfeeding. I don't want any haters coming after me for what I'm about to post.

All I have heard today is talk about the "Time" magazine cover. It prompted my interest so I "googled" it, imagine my shocked face when I saw some big kid "guzzling" it! I don't know if the cover screamed "MILF" or "Got Milk". It's a toss up for me. The evil genius in me thought a good title would be Milk of man pleaser! I don't know about you but I have never seen a hot ass mom in skinny jeans breast feeding her kid like this. I love the headline that says "Are you Mom enough?" Apparently not me! I think they could have gotten away with a headline reading...."Are you milf enough?" Not me! Who looks that good breastfeeding anyway. 

This prompted me to "google" some more. I knew it would be great giggling material with all the "haters" and  "know it all's" out there. They strive on this stuff. Don't get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to voice their opinion on this. But you know there are the one's that totally get their panties in a wad over it. These are the fun comments to read. The Los Angeles Times had and article I read. They said "the print industry really needed this cover to show they are still movers and shakers". The sick part of me laughs out loud when I read this. They ain't kidding about the "movers and shakers" part!!!! I wish my "movers and shakers" still looked like that. Los Angeles Times also says..."the cover shows breastfeeding in and up close and personal kind of way". REALLY, YOU THINK???? Personally it kind of pisses me off. I don't want to be in the grocery store with my already boob obsessed boys. I could just see it. I will be paying for my groceries. They will be behind me with their little shit eating grins giggling at it. I will get the stink eye from the perfect mommy behind me.

I kind of feel bad for the kid on it. As mean as kids are today this will lead to years of bullying. In my opinion of course. Do you think all the kids on the playground won't be offering him their milk money!!!! I think it would have been funnier if they would have had the kid with a shit eating grin on his face with a milk mustache. 

I do think this cover has pitted all the mom's with too much time on their hands against each other. Myself included! I even hate to say Mom's with too much time on their hands. As mom none of us really have too much time on our hands, Being a mom is the most important and time consuming job on the planet. 

Next I pulled up a Forbes article. The first thing it says is...."Time cover milks breastfeeding for all it's worth". You aren't  kidding Forbes......They are milking this shit all the way to the bank! 

Next I pull up a "Today" show interview with the mom and some Dr. Bill who wrote a book about attachment parenting. The first thing the person asks the mom is....." Did you not think this cover would cause a stir?". She says.......NO! Bullshit! How can anyone in their right mind not think this would cause a stir??????? She is giving blondes a bad name. Own it biatch.....You knew it would cause a stir and you would milk that shit all the way to the bank! I feel I have to say again this is my opinion and who am I??? Next she the MILF is talking about attachment parenting. This is apparently when your kid is attached to you 24/7. She is talking about her relationship with her husband. She says they still find time for them. The nasty side of me goes to the dark side. I think maybe this girl is on to something. Kid on one boob....hub on the other. She kills two birds with one stone! Some of you are thinking OH no I didn't just go there. But yes I did! Then the Dr. Bill chimes into the interview. He talks about having a family bed for your kids. I can't say anything about this. I couldn't get my first out of my bed for a long time. It was great when your too tired to put out. I'm all for that. My kids are too old for that now though. I have to resort to placing yeast creams in the bathroom when I'm too tired! He also talks about "Wearing" your children. This is where the mom wears the child close to their chest in a sack. This is going to be genius for smart marketing people everywhere. We can bedazzle our babies to match our outfits! They kind of get on him about the beast feeding kids till their six which is what he suggest. He defends himself and says..."if you were stuck on an island this is what you would have to do". Yes, true but WE ARE NOT STUCK ON AN ISLAND! If we were truly stuck on an island we would maybe have to eat the bedazzled baby! Alright, I just took that too far! I would starve to death before I ever ate a bedazzled baby or anyone for that matter. 

The thing that bothers me about this cover.....and I scream what bothers me. The Women in it has a strange stance.....her face screams bitch on wheels. The kid looks way older than what he is. He has an almost shocked look on his face. In my mind I imagine lights, camera, suck that boob. He does look like he gets his cookies with the milk. Boy did I just say that????  This does not scream to me nurchering mom bonding with her child. It screams your kids going to need good therapy when he gets in school and kids pick on him. Good thing she is making lots of money off this! I whole heartily believe in breastfeeding. I even believe it is a mothers choice how long she does it. Though I believe if they can talk the mother should pump that shit and serve it in a glass. But again that is my opinion. I don't think this cover reflects the true true picture of breastfeeding. It is for shock value only. I'm my opinion. I think a picture of a mother with a young baby being held like a baby in her arms, with them looking up at each other with a gleam in their eyes would show a bond. This to me screams uncomfortable for everyone. Just what I think again.

I texted some of my more colorful friends to get their reaction. I was surprised that some did not know what the hell I was talking about. I got one text that said...she is frickin hot...saw her interview! I got a text back from my Twisted sister that said " should have been me". I agree we would be laughing all the way to the bank! I think my favorite is what my friend Brian said. He said....the kid looked like he was stepping up to the fountain for a drink! I got a text that said...I think that is crazy shit. I called my mom and dad. I asked my dad what he thought. Now dad is the most conservative guy I know. He said it was ridiculous. As ridiculous as it is they are taking it all the way to the bank.......once again I write but I misspell, have bad grammar, and run-on sentences. In a perfect world I would have a wife and a ghost writer! I just wonder what "Oprah" thinks?????

I'm sporty, part 2 or better yet a jockett

 After my epic fail at trying to pretend I was sporty, I decided I was going to become a jockett. I asked the kids if they would help me practice. I'm going to start my own softball team where I am the "queen bee". Watch out you "beer nuts". I'm coming to kick ass and take names. First we practiced catching the ball. Who knew Hub's was right. He said if you don't hold the mitt right the ball will hit you. Hoping I don't bruise. They did teach me how to put a little power behind my throw. I was a little self conscious after Hub's said I threw like a girl. The catching thing...I think I just need some glasses. Don't get me wrong, I catch a few. It's just going to take practice. It was cute how much they want me to succeed. Unlike some of the sweet ladies...not... on the other team. They kind of seemed to smirk at my sportiness. After my attempts to catch fly balls, I ask to move on to batting!

 These two taught me a lot! I was standing in the wrong place. Not to mention holding the bat wrong. I miss the first few. Cole says......"you never swing up at the ball". He then says...."you only hit if it is in the box".  Wait now what is the box???? Just kidding! Who knew......I would have rocked it last Monday. That is if I had taken Cole up on his offer to teach me a few things before the game. I was cocky though. I thought how hard could it be. At first when I couldn't hit the ball Cole said....."put some power in it and pretend your swinging at us when your mad". I was like....sweetheart I would never think about hitting you with a bat when I'm mad. My fantasies are more like duct taping you to the wall when you are driving me crazy. After operation this "mom is sporty". We go on a bike ride! That's right.....I'm taking this training thing seriously. I have to ride Blake's old bike since I don't have one!!!! Hub's if your reading this that was a huge hint!!!!! We get home and I'm clearly out of shape. I come in as if I just ran a marathon.

While rubbing their backs tonight Cole said he had the best day ever. I ask why is that. He said we played ball, rode bikes, and watched modern family. See I could just be mom of the year....at least today. Ya know how your kids always seem to friend that one friend??? The friend that is a wealth of information you don't want to talk to your kids about yet. The one that breaks their innocence. While rubbing Aidan's back he says......Do you and Dad "ya know". He says this with his little shit eating grin on his face. I know exactly what he was talking about. I play stupid. I say what, read books, watch TV, eat, sleep, and so on???? He grins again and says....No not that..."ya know". I say I don't know. He doesn't have the balls to say it. I don't have the balls to confront this yet. I remember being grossed out when that friend told me what my parents were doing. I actually refused to believe it. I told her no way! She said..."how do you think you got here"? I said then they only did that to have me!!!!! Then I was horrified that my Grandmother had so many kids. This haunted me. I will never forget I was at the park and we were riding those animals on springs. You know if I was still riding spring animals I was too young to know this. I have a feeling he was talking to his little friend...aka...tits McGee again. For Gods sake Cole thought I had a penis till last year. I finally had to tell him in fear he would embarrass himself in front of a kid. I'm going to have to put Hub's on the case for this one!

 I always help do the yearbook at the elementary school. I wish I had some say in this picture. Really???? Does he think he is Jim Carey???? This just screams Dumb and Dumber!!!

Not only will that last picture be in the yearbook. This..."who farted"...one will be in there too! So proud! Aidan brought this one home and I screamed....NO, WHYYYYYY. He just smirked at me. I asked why would you make this face!!!!!! He says..."you told me too". I did not!!!! He says..."you said you were not buying pictures because your a photographer". I said I was not buying the individual shot because I am a photographer. Where in the world do you get make a who farted face in the group picture from that. He just shrugs his shoulders and walks away! I'm madder than a wet rooster at this point. I don't know where I heard that saying. I don't even know if roosters get mad if they are wet. I just know I laughed really hard when I heard that. It's my new favorite saying.

Today I woke up got the kids off and took a nap. Quite judging, I stay up late. I stuck with what Dr Oz said about breakfast. I ate the big eggs, cheese, tomato, avocado, and whole grain breakfast. It doesn't sound bad but it's not that tasty. Remember I'm a Dr Pepper breakfast girl for years. I work out after. Damn that Jillian Michael's. She is a mean bitch. Yesterdays blog I joked about working out in my underwear in order to scare myself skinny. I was really just joking. Today the universe heard me loud and clear. Half way through my workout I get a mother of all mother hot flashes. It's so bad that I strip down to my underwear. It was that bad!!!! I didn't want to stop though. So I kept going in my underwear. Yes, I scared myself silly, I also need a tan. Tan fat looks better!!! Maybe it was a good thing. I ate right all day, drank water, and stayed active. Later I find myself on the sofa watching shit TV. I could be doing sit-ups while watching. See I know what to do. Instead I watch TV grab my stomach fat and tell it to go the F away. As if it is listening. All this health stuff is going to my brain. I love how the universe listened to my working out in my underwear thing. It sure isn't listening to the I WANT TO WIN THE LOTTO, I WANT PERFECT KIDS, I WANT PERFECT HEALTH....most of all I want all the people I love to have happiness, good health, and wealth. Lets face it wealth makes life a little easier. All those people that say money does not make you happy are just trying to make themselves feel better. You never hear rich people say that.  Now I know it's not the key to happiness but it sure takes some stress away. There are so many things I would do if I had ogles of money. It isn't what you might think. I would love to do nice things for people. Take people on trips, help people who need to pay something, surprise people with something they won't do for themselves. I'm nice like that. Don't get me wrong I'd do fun and nice stuff for me too. So once again....Hey universe I want to win the lotto!!!!!!!!

Last story...I know I'm starting to babble. When I was a kid I spent a lot of my time at my Grandparents house. They had a ton of kids. My Dad being the oldest. The youngest two Tommy and Jimmy were closer in age to me than my Dad. They were like eight and ten when I came along. My Grandmother was the sweetest person ever. I loved spending time with her. The only thing that ever freaked me out about her was when she used to hit Tommy and Jimmy with a broom when they were fighting. I never really got why she was doing that. Tommy and Jimmy would fight like cats and dogs in the front room. Only if your from Chicago do you know what a front room is. My sweet Grandma would yell and then get the broom out to swat them. I would stand back and watch horrified, this was not the Grandma I knew. Thinking who is this crazy Grandma????  Today Blake and Cole had a knock down drag out fight. Blake is now way bigger and stronger than me. I was trying to separate them and I couldn't. I totally get the broom thing now! I will be investing in one tomorrow. That's it from LaLa land. It's late and I'm not proof reading so excuse bad spelling, bad grammar, and run ons.........BTW, remember there was that famous artist who would paint the ladies with bellies and butts......where are those women now????? Why are we living in the time of work out barbies????? Lets just eat drink and be merry...it is so much more easier!!!!!!

Just another day in LaLa land.

 I spent the day with my favorite dog! I was watching my favorite Dr OZ guy the other day. He was talking about what is your problem area. Butt, stomach, arms, thighs, or all over. My butt is looking aright. My biggest problem now is my tummy. I know how to fix it but I have little will power. He said if your tummy is your problem you need to eat a certain breakfast. So this am I made two eggs, one avocado, two tomatoes, whole wheat muffin, and a slice of swiss cheese. Now I have never been a breakfast girl. Gives me a stomach ache. I usually have a Dr Pepper for breakfast. I'll give this a try and see if it works.  I'm back on my workout wagon again. I have been keeping a journal of the days I workout. So out of 17 days this month I have worked out nine. Still not getting the results I thought I would get. It's really frustrating. While pinning stuff in my fake Pinterest world I had "The Revolution" on in the background. They were talking about people who workout and don't get the results they want. They said after a certain age 90 percent is the foods you eat! I'm fucked! I have this weird love affair with food lately!!!! I didn't used to love food this much. I don't know what happened. Dr Oz says to drink two glasses of H2O before you eat. This will make you eat less! Beer doesn't count damn it!  So I find myself in my mirror in my underwear after I workout. I do this every time thinking this body is going to miraculously change into a Victoria's secret models bod! I think I'm going to workout in my underwear so I can really scare myself into eating right! Scary thought huh???? Of course I will not do this when anyone is home. Could you imagine what my big mouth kids would tell people! My already shit name would be even shittier here! Let's give them something to talk about!

 Had to take a picture of this! I love my rose bushes. They are beautiful this year. So my girlfriend was over while our kids played. Blake came down and we were picking his brain about who the bad kids are and what they are doing. We were talking with him about how bad under age drinking is. He looks at us and says....you guys drink! I say there is no reason to drink at your age. Everything is new an exciting. We drink because we are gerbils in a wheel. Doing the same thing over and over. Laundry, cleaning, driving people, finding every ones crap, going to games, putting out, wiping down counters, and way more but too much to go on!!!! Alright so I didn't say this but I sure thought it!!!! I tell him we drink responsibly and we are of age. I find myself telling him alcoholism runs in our family. I always hated when my Mom used to say that! I find myself saying lots of things I hated hearing my Mom say! I guess she was right! Damn that hurts coming out! I think it's never too early to start talking to your kids about drinking and drugs!!!!

So I tried to eat healthily smoothies today instead of burgers and Dr Peppers! I hope I can stick to this!!!! My little ones and I always lay in their beds and talk at night. Aidan asks me if my boobs make milk. I was not expecting this one!!!!!!!!! It was a typical "WTF" moment in motherhood for me! I ask him why would you ask me that and better yet where did you hear it. He said Tit's McGee master of boobs said it. I seriously almost fell off the bed. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I ask who the heck is tits McGee and where have you seen him. He said a friend told him about him. OH MY...Thank God it is not a kid that frequent flies at our house. I have to tell him about why boobs make milk. Not ready for this with him. I tell him it's not nice to talk about that kind of stuff and TIT is a very inappropriate word. I never want to hear him use that! It is disrespectful to women. Who knew motherhood would be so full of "WTF" moments!!!! I hope Dad...aka...Grumps doesn't read this one! He hates when I cuss! Just another day in LaLa land for me!

I happen to be sporty

So I get the kids off to school Monday morning yell wooo hoo and go back to bed. I just get into my REM sleep and get a text from my neighbor Erin. She is on a softball team that I was not invited to be on. Not bitter, I happen to be sporty.  I told her I would love to fill in if they ever needed anyone. I can play wiffle ball like no bodies business how much harder can softball be??? The text reads....I have my Queen Bee's jersey and socks ready for you. They need you call Stacy you can go with her. I'm super excited.

I tell my kids when they get home that I'm playing on a softball team tonight. Cole looks at me and says...Do you know what first base means??? I want to say...Um yes, kissing but my bad sense of humor has no business in the mind of an eleven year old. I tell him yes I know what first base is. He them asks me if I know second base.....Hello up the shirt everyone knows that!!!! He questions me on every baseball term. He tells me we should practice batting because he does not want me to embarrass myself. Really, am I this pathetic??? I was excited but now I'm worried. He tells me everything I need to know about baseball! No faith, no faith....

Blake gets home from middle school and I tell him I'm going to play on a softball team. His response is....ya know you have to take this team stuff seriously. He then says.....you can't screw around and act crazy on the field. I guess he pictured me dancing around like a crazy person in the outfield. Really???? Because I haven't spent the last 11 years of my life watching Y'all play sports not to mention all the sports that seem to be on my TV. I think I may have learned a thing or two over the years. I love how I support all of them and they have no faith in me.

Hub's gets home as I'm getting ready for my game. He asks why I'm putting on lip gloss to play. I tell him a girl needs to look good while kicking ass on the field. He laughs and not with me more like at me. Big difference. He gets his glove and shows me how to catch. He shows me how to stand when I bat???? This is all going in one ear and out the other. Do these people I live with really think I'm a dumb ass. He even tells me to be careful because he does not want me to get hit by a ball. It's kind of making me mad. Does he really think I would stand there and get hit rather than catch it???? I'm not an idiot.

My friend Stacy picks me up for the game, we shot gun a beer before we go. I get there and all of the sudden get really nervous I think these people I live with got in my head. I want to do good since I'm a fill in. They sent me to the outfield. I'm thinking in my head...be cool don't get crazy and just get the ball. Nothing comes to me thank God. In between I have Hub's take a picture of me and Stacy so I can put it on Facebook. Hello, look at me I'm playing softball. I get comments from my sister that are pretty much like really???? I get a comment from a friend that says your there to tailgate. My family and friends have no faith in me. I work out look at my body...LOL.... I get up to bat for the first time nervous as hell. I need to do good in this game. My family is watching not to mention I need to do good for the team. The lights are messing me I feel nervous it's much easier playing wiffle ball when it doesn't matter. I strike out, oh how my head is between my legs. We go back to the outfield and a ball comes to me and I get it and throw it into the in field. I thought I did great. I come off the outfield to Hub's telling me I throw like a girl. Hello last time I checked I was a girl....He tells me I need to reach far behind my back and throw. Glad I have him here to guide me.  can you feel my sarcasm???? What I love is the kids couldn't wait to see me play but they played their own game in the open field and never saw any of my game. I get up to bat again, this time I hit it and get to first base! I'm super excited. Next batter strikes out so I never have that slide into home like I imagined. We win the game!!!! hell yeah! All because of me because I'm sporty.


After the game Stacy and I head to the barber shop. This is a little place in Drip that used to be a barber shop turned into a beer bar. Earlier in the day while at kid pick up my friend Jason tapped on my window. He told me his wife and him were going to the barber shop to meet Kyle Chandler. Now if anyone of you do not know who he is....he happens to be the star of Friday night lights, he has been on Grey's anatomy and was in the early edition and has also starred in super eight the movie.This dude happens to live in Drip which is a small town.  To say I'm a stalker is an under statement. I'm a stalker with nothing to say. I talk a big game but I have no game. We get there and he is not there. We talk to Jason and his wife. All of the sudden he walks in. My friend Stacy is like that is the guy right??? I say yes. She is like you are red as hell keep talking to me. We talk and laugh about this. My camera is with me. There is us and their group in the bar no good reason to sneak a pic. Jason walks over and says...do you want me to induce you??? I say....no I don't want to seem like a crazy stalker. The night goes on and Jason's wife joins us. Kyle is about to leave. Jason is motioning me if I want to meet him. I give him the heads up. He introduces me to him and I'm like a deer in headlights. I introduce  him to Stacy. I had nothing cool to say, nothing funny to say, and nothing clever to say. Your shocked right???? HaHa


 Anyway I get home super excited about my Kyle run in. I tell Hub's everything he is like .......you sound like a middle school freak! Yep I do! I text everyone who gives a shit when I get home! This blog is only going to be funny to the people who really know me and know how Sporty I am........NOT!

What's not believable about a life size Bunny going from house to house????

When I was a young mom I couldn't wait to be Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I couldn't wait to see my kids sweet innocent smiles when they discovered the things left for them. I couldn't wait to do all the traditions that came along with these holidays. The baking cookies, decorating the tree with holiday music, making gingerbread houses, coloring eggs, and hunting for eggs. I never imagined that these times would also come along with huge messes, a cluster fuck of ornaments in the same spot of the tree, kids sick during holidays, fighting over what the other one got, tears, ugly eggs since I have boys, and WTF moments in my head! Don't get me wrong these days were also filled with lots of love, smiles, laughs, and my greatest memories. Well those days have come to an end lighting fast for me. This is the first year that the last of these people I live with questioned the reality of the giant bunny. What's not believable about a life size bunny going door to door dropping off baskets????? Aidan is an over thinker for sure. Every time I came up with a reason the bunny was real. He came up with a really good reason why I was full of shit. This is once again why I think we should age in reverse. Kids are in such a hurry to grow up and figure the world out. What I would give to re-live the days where I believed in Santa and the bunny. Life was so easy back then. What I would give to be 21 again but that would be another blog that I probably shouldn't write about.

Now that the kids know I'm the bunny they really ruined Easter for me. Not the religious side of Easter. They spent the days before Easter asking when I was going shopping for their Easter stuff. I have always gotten them a gift with their baskets too. Big mistake....all you young mom's out there keep it simple. Keep it to candy. If you don't you will find yourself with spoiled rotten kids years later. You will wonder where you went wrong. For some reason my kids were requesting things that are only birthday or Christmas worthy. I tell them I'm picking the gift and it's going to be something reasonable.

Aidan wants a two hundred dollar bat. The fact that something as bad as.....Are you smoking something funny almost flew out of my mouth makes me feel guilty. If it were up to Hub's he would cut the baskets off all together since they don't believe. I'm a weak sentimental sucker. Aidan gets a wiffle ball bat not a two hundred dollar one. He actually has the nerve to complain about it. I tell him he is lucky he got anything. I tell him there are less fortunate kids who's parents don't have the money to do anything in the world. This doesn't even seem to faze him. He is living in his own little "I'm a spoiled ass" bubble. Oh and wait guess who put him there.....That would be me! I'm serious to the young moms out there. Don't be that overachiever during the holidays. I'm here to tell you it will bite you in the ass.

Blake is the lucky one of the three stooges. Since he is the oldest he will enjoy Santa and the bunny for years longer than the younger ones. He looks happy right????? I believe this is how most teenagers look. The word that comes to mind is stone cold! Too cool to smile for a picture or act happy about an ass load of candy plus a game. I'm so glad I gave up a great new outfit or a new pair of boots for these guys! When I was a kid my mom used to fill my basket with expensive Fannie May chocolate. I always really wanted the cheap candy. Peeps, Reese's, robins eggs, and the giant cheap chocolate bunny. Damn what I would give now for a basket full of Fannie May....just another reason we should age in reverse.

The kids never brought up coloring eggs or hunting eggs this year. It is sad to me. It's sad when you realize all the stuff you used to feel bothered with at times is over. My mother in law and sister in law were supposed to stay through Easter. I planned a good meal. Their trip got cut short because my sister in law could not get out of work. So here I found myself with nothing to do on Easter. My kids do not appreciate a good meal most of the time. I did cook something while the in-laws were here that they all seemed to love. Those meals are few and far between. Remember I grew up Irish Catholic, Easter is a big deal. With Easter came big family parties. Another thing I wish I could get a do over on. That saying "you don't know what you got till it's gone" rings so true. My family in Chicago were all getting together for their traditional Easter bash. These are the times I really miss being home. My friend Ashley called and ended up inviting us over. Since I had already got some stuff to cook for Easter I said I would make it and bring it over.

While I'm getting myself and my food ready to go over there I get a call from Ashley. I can hardly understand her. She is crying but I can't tell what she is saying. I finally make it out. They had gone to church when they came back her husband had accidentally ran over their dog. It was a little chihuahua. They were all so sad. They are huge animal lovers.  I ask if we should not come. She tells me they really want us to come anyway. I kind of feel bad going over there. We stop at Walgreen's on the way over. Since this dog was kind of her daughters I stop in to get her gum, candy, lip gloss, and nail polish. I know this will not make her any less sad but I want to give her a little something special so she knows we are thinking about her. So we get out there and the mood is little somber. There are some swollen eyes. I feel so bad for all of them. It's a sucky thing to lose a pet. I can't help but think it's Easter they did the right thing went to church and all. Then that happens. It just makes no sense to me. Sometimes I struggle with the way God works. I can only go back to my faith that there is a reason why we experience everything good or bad. We have to trust that this is what's supposed to happen to us even it is impossible to understand.

The day ends up being as good as it can be. We all make the most of it. This happens to be one of my all time favorite pictures. I love how guys are so different than women. They don't worry about how they look. We as women are raised to be prim and proper. We worry too much about what we look like or what people think. I love this picture of Boogie living life to the fullest. I might be slightly jealous. The sad thing is no one judges a dude for having a little extra belly....don't get me wrong Boogie is in good shape for his age but he isn't sporting no six pack. Does  he care...of course, but not enough to let it stop him.

Alright so here is my child who can rock any look as if he is a star. Not afraid to rock a light blue girls cowboy hat, not afraid to sing a Taylor Swift song out loud, not afraid to put on lipstick for a good laugh, and not afraid to sing naked in front of a mirror. He will kill me for this later but I kind of love this about him. This kid has given me some of my best belly laughs over the years. I see big things in his future. This kid also reminds my of that "YouTube" video "the annoying orange" at times. If you never saw the annoying orange YouTube it. You will get what I'm talking about. He has been standing in front of me talking before. I can't seem to get the picture of the annoying orange image over his face out of my head. He has a bad tendency to repeat himself over and over when I don't want to hear what he is saying. So I sit back an imagine him as the annoying orange hoping it will make light of the situation. Hoping I don't fly completely off the deep end on him. It works sometimes.....but other times I just lose my mind.

Aidan is a crazy dog lover. Dogs love him as well. I see him later in life married with a shit load of dogs. I see him as a builder of some kind or an engineer. No paper or tape is safe in my house. He is always building boats, football fields, baseball fields, and pole vaulting things out of paper. Recently when Hub's took him to six flags he did not want to get on the roller coasters. I asked him why later. He told me while he was in line he was looking at the way it was made. He told me he saw the wood shaking. He said if one piece of that wood snapped the people would come crashing down. I told you he was my over thinker. It makes me sad for him. I think he will miss out on a lot thinking this way. I know I do. Now I don't really think he has to worry about six flags.....it is the carnivals I worry about. I over think the toothless almost homeless looking people that are not only putting together those rides but running them. I kind of sound like a judgmental B right now. Not proud!

As the day goes on the kids are trying to dive into the inner tube. It is fun to watch.

Everyone has a shot at it. Cole seems to make it every time. The kids say he is lucky. Boogie and I say he has skills.

Ashley who is no side of the road shopper got this pinata on the side of the rode. Kind of proud of her about now. She is normally a Nordstrom girl. The kids have a blast with it.

We topped off the day with a game of family baseball. These are my pretty toes sitting poolside not wanting to mess up my makeup or show off any muffin top. Watching from the sidelines taking pictures of people living life.


Once again I can't help but think what I would live my life like in reverse. Would I care so much about muffin top???? Or would I strip down and jump in that pool???? Would I care so much what people thought????? Would the small things that upset me mean so much???? Would it bother me so much when my kids annoyed the shit out me???? Would all the material things matter so much.....would the he said she said things bother me???  Would I think I was fat at 25????? Would that guy that didn't like me in high school bother me so much?????? Would I hug my kids everyday???   Would I enjoy like hell all the family parties I didn't want to attend as a teenager???? Would I listen to my parents because they really did know what they were talking about most of the time! Would I love my husband a little more, my kids, my friends?????? Would I love life more????? Of course I would...this is why we should age in reverse. Or at least act like we are. God I sound like such a sappy asshole....it is so unlike me!!!! Maybe it's because it's Friday the 13th. Five years ago I lost a very dear friend in a tragic accident. It's the first time the dates lined up the same since then. Just has me thinking about life! R.I.P. Kevin.

Living in my "Pinterest" world

While at work today I was a little bored. Not much going on there on a Thursday. So I find myself between Pinterest, facebook, e-mails, camera blogs, and mommy blogs. Oh yes and I'm talking on the phone in between all this!!!! I swear one of those mommy bloggers is copying me. I couldn't believe the similarities in the words she used. Starting with the name of her blog. I am just kidding but it was strange reading her stuff, she even refers to her Husband as Hub's!!!! How dare she!!!! Who does that besides me????  Can you  feel the sarcasm?? I'm pretty much doing this all at the same time. I can't stay focused on one thing at a time. So I'm back and forth to all these web pages that are all pulled up at the bottom of my computer. At one point I think to myself that "What the What" saying! I'm only taking in bits and pieces of things....no wonder I'm having a hard time mastering the functions of my camera. I CAN'T CONCENTRATE OR FOCUS........I'm A.D.D.!!!!! When my kids act A.D.D. I get frustrated and pissed off. Hello! I have no one to blame but myself. Is there a pill I can take as an adult for this???? I hate pills though!!!! It is so frustrating to be this way!!!!

My brain reminds me of one of those God awful carnival rides that give you vertigo.Ya know the kind that whips you from side to side, back and forth, and upside down to right side up, all at the same time?All you want to do is scream.....STOP!!!!!  I'm exhausted thinking about it. No wonder I can't sleep at night. So after fantasizing about cooking in my one of my thirty Pinterest kitchens, I click over to e-mail. Never fails there is always a good mom...aka...Debbie Downer email. She does send some really funny ones but there is always a Debbie one slipped  in the mix. The one today was disguised to be a not so Debbie one. It's headline was......."EAT FRUIT-most interesting". I thought it was going to talk about the benefits of eating fruit. Boy was I wrong. It starts off in capital letters reading.......DON'T EAT FRUIT AFTER A MEAL!!!!!!.....Only eat fruit on an empty stomach!!!!! Can't you just hear the dunnnnn, dunnnn, dunnn,.......sound as you read that! It goes on to read that if you eat say a piece of bread followed by a piece of fruit. The fruit does not go straight through you like it is supposed to. Nice way of saying you do not shit it right out. The whole meal starts to rot and ferment in your intestines and then turns into acid. I have an overactive very visual imagination. I always have, which is one reason I'm in need of some good therapy. So I'm visualizing a piece of fruit rotting in my intestinal track with maggots all over it!!! See why I need a therapist?....It just ain't right!

It goes on to read that fruit mixed with putrefying other food produces gas......I have been a little gassy lately. BTW, I have no earthly idea what the hell the word "putrefying" means.....I'm just copying what the email says. I will be "googling" it later. Hence after the fruit mixed with putrefying other foods....your body starts to bloat. Oh, that explains a lot. It's not the fact that I have fallen right back off the workout wagon. I can totally blame it on eating fruit after food. I'll look at my friends and say.....ya see this extra tummy????? That would be fruit rotting and fermenting in my gut!!! Can you imagine the looks I would get. I wonder how someone would respond to that. It also causes gray hair.....I have been totally blaming those on my kids!!!! Who knew it was rotten gut fruit! It also causes baldness.....I think Hub's has been sneaking in a little fruit action after a meal. Also causes nervous outburst.....I really do laugh out loud when I read this one. Cole....aka....Drama Queen  eats an apple a day, I have a strange feeling it is not on an empty stomach. Just a guess!!!! Last it causes dark under eye circles....Damn I was blaming that on the beer. Then it says....All this will NOT happen if you eat fruit on an empty stomach.

Last the email talks about how you should only drink fresh fruit juices.....I know a good brand..."Genesis Today". Never heat your juice. I was trying to think if I ever drank heated juice. I don't think so. It says...Don't eat cooked fruit. Say good bye to hot apple pie. Unless you plan to use it like the guy in American Pie. I'm a poet and I didn't know it!!!! LOL, alright not that funny. Says to drink your juice slow. To let it mix with your saliva. It talks about how it is beneficial to go on a three day fruit-fast. It will cleanse the system and your friends will be surprised at how radiant you look. I wonder if it will give you the same radiant look I hear botox and fillers give you. All this is said to have been scientifically proven by Dr. Herbert Shelton. I do truly believe that raw fruits, veggies, and seeds are very beneficial to the body but I'm no Doctor. Even if I poked a little fun at the Debbie email.

After all this food for thought I click right back over to my Pinterest boards. For some reason I'm steering clear of the food board. I think I will check out my exercise boards. I look at all the hot bodies I will never look like. I love the one that says, one week to a rock hard butt.....Bullshit, it's going to take a lot more time than a week to get a butt like the girl that is pinned. I'd like to pin her all right. Pin her ass to a wall and force feed her cheeseburgers.. Can you feel my green eyed monster surfacing???? They say to replace your bad habits with good ones. Like a fruit instead of a cheeseburger. God forbid you ever eat a fruit after a cheeseburger. I think McDonald's got that whole apples and cheeseburger thing wrong. Exercise instead of a cocktail. Can't we just jog to the fridge for a beer and jog to the bathroom after. Maybe jog in place while drink it?????? I really do have good intentions when I pin the exercise stuff. I mean to do it but facebook, Pinterest, emails, shit TV, and Oh yes these people I live with get in the way! It is never my fault of course. Everyone and everything else's fault. As I write this one word comes to mind..... Blake...aka...the know it all. I got an email from a teacher that said he had not turned in some stuff. I took a break around the time he was getting off the bus. I tell him about the email. He says...Oh yeah I know but I turned that in today. As he is saying this I'm saying it to myself in my head. I knew that is what he was going to say word for word. It's safe to say I have heard that one before. He really should come up with a different story. Universe where are those perfect kids I have been asking for???????

I go back to work to have a Pinterest party. I check out all the party ideas that I will never do that I have spent precious time pinning. I imagine myself on the little tree stump stools with the pretty cloth seats. Lights hanging all in the trees and colorful overachievers cupcakes surrounding me. Oh yes and my perfect Pinterest cocktails in ball jars sitting in the cocktail canoe next to me. Bliss!!!! It is a nice thought to be living in your Pinterest world. After this I go back to Facebook. I want to see if anyone has posted anything interesting. Not so much. Facebook is pretty boring lately. Thank God there is not a barf, boring, REALLY, gay, TMI, get a life, or an OH no you didn't button. I bet I would have gotten everyone of those a time or two. So back to Pinterest I got my hair done yesterday. I had pinned a few colors I was going to try. I came back with the same old hair color. I'm a risk taker I tell ya. I did not take a shower today because I didn't want to ruin my perfectly done hair. It will not look like this for at least seven more weeks. That is when my next appointment is! Work is finally coming to an end. No time for Pinterest recipes I will never cook. That's alright after the rotting fruit in my gut visual today. Thank you, Debbie!!!! I think I may need to "Snopes" this fruit shit!!!!

On my way home Debbie calls. My Sister...aka...Twisty totally threw me under the bus. I was slightly poking fun at Debbie with her. I had a good story. I told her not to tell her. That was last night!!!!! I guess she forgot. After I'm on the phone with Debbie for a while complaining about my kids. She says....."I was reading the obituaries the other day, you know how I do that". Um yes, I know how you do it!!!!! Weird right?????? She happened to recognize two of the names. They were the brothers of people she knew. Why is it that older people like to talk about people they know or don't even really know that died????? After we talk about the dead people Debbie reads about stories. I tell her how Aidan....aka....the worry wort broke my garage window. He walks in and says......"I just happen to notice someone broke the garage window". Oh you just happened to notice huh???? Because that shit eating smirk on your face isn't giving you away at all!!!!!! Aidan is the easiest one to read of all these people. I tell him if I check the secret camera's and find out he is a liar he will be in big ass trouble. I tell him there is nothing worst than a liar. He tells the truth and yes I still have them snowed into believing the world they live in is filled with secret cameras! It's alright to call me an evil genius. I kind of like it! Last but not least. Blake called me shortly after I got back to work. He was calling to report the broken window. I love how all these people want to be the bearer of bad news when they are not the guilty one! Sorry again for bad grammar and run-on sentences! If you need me I will be pinning my Pinterest dream pool and imagining my perfect Pinterest body swimming in it! Happy pinning everyone!