"Time" to bring home the bacon!

Let me start by saying I think breastfeeding is a wonderful and natural thing. I believe it is beautiful bonding experience for mothers with their babies. With this post I am in no way discrediting breastfeeding. I don't want any haters coming after me for what I'm about to post.

All I have heard today is talk about the "Time" magazine cover. It prompted my interest so I "googled" it, imagine my shocked face when I saw some big kid "guzzling" it! I don't know if the cover screamed "MILF" or "Got Milk". It's a toss up for me. The evil genius in me thought a good title would be Milk of man pleaser! I don't know about you but I have never seen a hot ass mom in skinny jeans breast feeding her kid like this. I love the headline that says "Are you Mom enough?" Apparently not me! I think they could have gotten away with a headline reading...."Are you milf enough?" Not me! Who looks that good breastfeeding anyway. 

This prompted me to "google" some more. I knew it would be great giggling material with all the "haters" and  "know it all's" out there. They strive on this stuff. Don't get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to voice their opinion on this. But you know there are the one's that totally get their panties in a wad over it. These are the fun comments to read. The Los Angeles Times had and article I read. They said "the print industry really needed this cover to show they are still movers and shakers". The sick part of me laughs out loud when I read this. They ain't kidding about the "movers and shakers" part!!!! I wish my "movers and shakers" still looked like that. Los Angeles Times also says..."the cover shows breastfeeding in and up close and personal kind of way". REALLY, YOU THINK???? Personally it kind of pisses me off. I don't want to be in the grocery store with my already boob obsessed boys. I could just see it. I will be paying for my groceries. They will be behind me with their little shit eating grins giggling at it. I will get the stink eye from the perfect mommy behind me.

I kind of feel bad for the kid on it. As mean as kids are today this will lead to years of bullying. In my opinion of course. Do you think all the kids on the playground won't be offering him their milk money!!!! I think it would have been funnier if they would have had the kid with a shit eating grin on his face with a milk mustache. 

I do think this cover has pitted all the mom's with too much time on their hands against each other. Myself included! I even hate to say Mom's with too much time on their hands. As mom none of us really have too much time on our hands, Being a mom is the most important and time consuming job on the planet. 

Next I pulled up a Forbes article. The first thing it says is...."Time cover milks breastfeeding for all it's worth". You aren't  kidding Forbes......They are milking this shit all the way to the bank! 

Next I pull up a "Today" show interview with the mom and some Dr. Bill who wrote a book about attachment parenting. The first thing the person asks the mom is....." Did you not think this cover would cause a stir?". She says.......NO! Bullshit! How can anyone in their right mind not think this would cause a stir??????? She is giving blondes a bad name. Own it biatch.....You knew it would cause a stir and you would milk that shit all the way to the bank! I feel I have to say again this is my opinion and who am I??? Next she the MILF is talking about attachment parenting. This is apparently when your kid is attached to you 24/7. She is talking about her relationship with her husband. She says they still find time for them. The nasty side of me goes to the dark side. I think maybe this girl is on to something. Kid on one boob....hub on the other. She kills two birds with one stone! Some of you are thinking OH no I didn't just go there. But yes I did! Then the Dr. Bill chimes into the interview. He talks about having a family bed for your kids. I can't say anything about this. I couldn't get my first out of my bed for a long time. It was great when your too tired to put out. I'm all for that. My kids are too old for that now though. I have to resort to placing yeast creams in the bathroom when I'm too tired! He also talks about "Wearing" your children. This is where the mom wears the child close to their chest in a sack. This is going to be genius for smart marketing people everywhere. We can bedazzle our babies to match our outfits! They kind of get on him about the beast feeding kids till their six which is what he suggest. He defends himself and says..."if you were stuck on an island this is what you would have to do". Yes, true but WE ARE NOT STUCK ON AN ISLAND! If we were truly stuck on an island we would maybe have to eat the bedazzled baby! Alright, I just took that too far! I would starve to death before I ever ate a bedazzled baby or anyone for that matter. 

The thing that bothers me about this cover.....and I scream what bothers me. The Women in it has a strange stance.....her face screams bitch on wheels. The kid looks way older than what he is. He has an almost shocked look on his face. In my mind I imagine lights, camera, suck that boob. He does look like he gets his cookies with the milk. Boy did I just say that????  This does not scream to me nurchering mom bonding with her child. It screams your kids going to need good therapy when he gets in school and kids pick on him. Good thing she is making lots of money off this! I whole heartily believe in breastfeeding. I even believe it is a mothers choice how long she does it. Though I believe if they can talk the mother should pump that shit and serve it in a glass. But again that is my opinion. I don't think this cover reflects the true true picture of breastfeeding. It is for shock value only. I'm my opinion. I think a picture of a mother with a young baby being held like a baby in her arms, with them looking up at each other with a gleam in their eyes would show a bond. This to me screams uncomfortable for everyone. Just what I think again.

I texted some of my more colorful friends to get their reaction. I was surprised that some did not know what the hell I was talking about. I got one text that said...she is frickin hot...saw her interview! I got a text back from my Twisted sister that said " should have been me". I agree we would be laughing all the way to the bank! I think my favorite is what my friend Brian said. He said....the kid looked like he was stepping up to the fountain for a drink! I got a text that said...I think that is crazy shit. I called my mom and dad. I asked my dad what he thought. Now dad is the most conservative guy I know. He said it was ridiculous. As ridiculous as it is they are taking it all the way to the bank.......once again I write but I misspell, have bad grammar, and run-on sentences. In a perfect world I would have a wife and a ghost writer! I just wonder what "Oprah" thinks?????

Universe leave me alone!

So today the day after Thanksgiving I go to hang out in the place I hang out in two days a week. Sad that "initial guy" is off today, so no one is there to occupy my time. I spend most of the day looking for pictures of my Grandma for her funeral. I'm in tears most of my day remembering all the great times I had with her. I tell you one of my greatest memories of her is when we would walk in her house and her eyes would just light up when she saw my kids and me. I can't believe I will never walk in her house again to find her waiting for us. She was by far the sweetest person I ever knew.



I go home after being at the place I hang out in all ready to fly out to Shy Town. Aidan tells me he does not feel well. I don't believe him because he has been sick twice just recently. This kid rarely gets sick. Well hello he has a 104 temp! I'm thinking really UNIVERSE leave me the puck alone.....and yes I know my spelling is bad but PUCK is my nicer way of saying the F word.





So my flight is delayed do to a sick kid that can not function without his Mom. I pray that he will be back to normal tomorrow so I can go. What do we do since we won't be flying out????? We watch Oprah. Now the funny thing is I record Oprah everyday and my kids love her. I came home on Monday and my 13 year old said......."you are not going to believe what
Oprah did".....I laugh out loud! I love that when I'm not home they are watching O! So I recorded Oprah's favorite things shows. My baby who is sick on the sofa says can we watch some TV? I say sure being a TV junkie. I ask what he wants to watch and he says's Oprah. I tell him we have Oprah's favorite things recorded and he gets really excited. We watch both favorite thing shows. The little guys crack me up. On the first show they want to know why we can't get on that show. They come up with ways I can get on the show. Then they want to know why all the stuff is more for girls even though there are boys in the audience. They are really excited about the 3-D TV. They are disappointed when they hear her say it is her last year and realize they will never get on the show. The black eyed peas come on at the end and Cole says...I think the African American guy is super cool.





We put on the second give away show to compare which is better. The first thing she brings out is an Ipad. It cracks me up when these two are jumping around as is they just won one. They are so excited for the people. When she brings out Garrets popcorn they realize that Grandma brings them this and they can't believe they have had the popcorn that Oprah loves. They are now yelling...Go Grandma, you are just like Oprah! They once again say most of the stuff is for girls.....what about the guys Mom????? What cracks me up is when she had the singers on Cole said I don't like that one guy. I'm thinking the old guy...he says I don't like that Josh guy but I love Johnny Mathis cause he has cool hair. Well Ok that's not what I expected to hear. When they found out she gave away bugs...which are punch bugs in our car rides...they went off the deep end! I hate these cars because they make my car rides awful since the the punch bug game. This is a total excuse to punch each other without getting in trouble. Hey Universe we want to go on the Oprah show!

What the Hell Universe????

Monday morning I wake up with every intention to re invent myself into the perfect person. I was going to workout, eat right, and take my vitamins. I was going to get crap done off my awful list as well. I like to refer to this list as the shit list. At 2:30 I found myself still in my PJ's suckin down Dr Peppers, watching TV, and surfing the net. Pathetic, I know! I don't know why but I am missing the self control gene. When I plan this kind of day it almost seems like my mind works extra hard to mess it up. I take a quick shower and run up to pick up the kids from school. I always have this overwhelming feeling of guilt when I don't follow through with my plans. I'm going to start re inventing myself on Tuesdays. Mondays and me just don't see eye to eye.





Blake has a football game tonight. I'm in my closet getting ready. I pull out my "True Religion" jeans. I am shocked when they won't go over my hips. What's even worst is Hubby walks in the closet from work and stops and laughs at me. Great timing, there I am wobbling all over the closet trying to get these over my hips! Pretty sight. I pull out another pair of jeans, I can get these over my hips but I can't button them. Hubby is still in there hanging up his tie from his work day. He glances over again......laughing and says.......What happened????? What happened is I turned 40 and all that crap Mom...aka..Debbie Downer said to me is true! Your metabolism comes to a screeching halt. Now I am mad! I never used to work out ever and I have been doing yoga and palates this is bullshit! These damn jeans fit in APRIL. This is no ones fault but my own. I know what to do stop buying soda, beer, cheeseburgers, french fries, and junk! Stop sitting on the sofa surfing the web and watching TV. Start walking at night, for God sakes I have a dog and kids they would love to walk. As I writing this little entry I am thinking about the fact that I am meeting my friend Sharri's boyfriend at "Docs" tonight. He is buying one of Hubby's ACL tickets. Doc's has the best damn cheeseburgers and fries, I have to have one! I have a very LONG road a head of me. Getting old sucks I like the good old days where I could eat what ever I wanted. I did workout for an hour on Tuesday. After I was done I ran in my closet and tried those jeans back on. As if that fat was going to melt right off.

Here's a picture of Blake about to take down that guy. I was so proud when I heard his name over the loud speaker. Since there is more than one football team we always stay for the second the game. My two little guys always throw the ball around with the other kids at the game. Every time I pass them they yell......Hey Mommy! I counted three times that Blake walked by me and acted like he did not know who I was. I bought a button of him at one of the games and he asked me to please not wear it. Where is that little boy that loved his Mommy so much????

These guys in their boots just crack my ass up! It may be growing on me!

I had to add a few pictures of "Baby Beck". He was a crazy rock star again at his game. Four left footed goals. I was behind the goal area because it was the best place to take pictures. The goal keeper from the other teams name was Caleb. The reason I know this is because his helicopter Mom stood right behind the goal the entire game. She talked to him non stop. Poor kid how the heck was he supposed to concentrate. She would say Caleb do you know what you did wrong on that one? Caleb the ball is coming get ready. Caleb if you do this it will be better. Caleb that is exactly what your supposed to do and so on and so on. That kid did not turn around one time and acknowledge that she was speaking to him. No exaggeration she never shut up the entire game. I found myself wanting to yell things at her like shut the hell up and let him play. At one point I wanted to take off my shoe and stuff it in her mouth. Mind you Aidan plays on a team two years up so this poor kid is nine. OMG, I can just imagine this poor kids life and his poor future wife. I will never see her again so I feel free to talk shit on here about her without having to call her "Hello Kitty".

Aidan's team is having a great season. I think they have only lost one game.

I can't wait to watch this kid though the years playing sports. He has this determination in his eyes that is crazy. I LOVE having the star player. He is so much fun to watch.

We get home from the game and I am uploading all the millions I took at the game. Blake is standing over me looking at the pictures. All of the sudden he drops a full glass of water on my lap top. It goes right on my keyboard. It is almost like it is happening in slow motion and I am going......NOOOOOOOOOO! I flip the thing upside down right away. I lay a towel up and set it upside down on it. The last few weeks the Universe has been shiting all over me. It started when Hubby's car needed a bunch of work. Then our lawnmower broke. Then our washer broke. Then the window of my car broke. Next I crashed my car. Two days later I lost money out of my pocket at a football game. I made the mistake of saying the words what's next! Well the universe showed me what's next. I'm in a huge panic, Hubby is going to go through the roof on this one. Should I stage a robbery????? After I let the lap top dry out I am testing it the keys are going out one by one right before my eyes. Next the screen goes.....come on Universe give me a break!

I ask the universe all the time for a large lotto win, good health, and happiness. Hey Universe I ain't happy! How about that lotto. Is it so much to ask for the easy way out??? Mom...aka...Debbie Downer is from the school that nothing comes easy. Bullshit there are people that get the easy way out and I want to be one. Are you listening Universe?????

While getting ready for football practice Cole is watching the Oprah show about the monkey who communicates with people. He turns to me and asks if we could get one of these monkeys. I tell him if he cooks, cleans, and drives kids around I'm all for it!

I had to take a picture of this salad I made for my friends who were in town. It was so pretty and I totally copied it from my neighbor. Anyway I'm getting tired of these people I live with messing and breaking my shit.