A girl can dream

So Saturday morning I got up and ran three miles. After that I came home and did an hour of yoga and Pilate's. I ate right all day. I did some shopping with my unlimited funds. Then I came home and Hubby had cleaned the house and did all the laundry. We settled in to watch a chick flick while the boys played quietly and nicely upstairs. I didn't hear the word Mommmmmm all day. Well that's not exactly how my day went but a girl can dream right???????

In my real world I woke up at the crack ass of dawn. We headed to Fuckitsfarville......I mean Pflugerville to play in a soccer tournament. My worthless GPS got me lost and Cole and Aidan bickered all the way there. Let me just say whom ever made up the game "punch bug" I would like to punch you in the face about now. I guarantee it wasn't anyone who drives kids around.

Aidan had three soccer games out there. It would have been nice if they were back to back. No such luck we were out there from 7:30-4:00pm. The first game we literally froze our asses off. It was not even fun to watch because we were so cold all we could think is when is this over????
After the first game we had three hours to waste in this small town that has nothing to do in it. I called one of Cole's friends Mom's to invite her child to a sleepover that I have promised Cole forever. Now Blake has sleepovers all the time because at his age the kids never bother me, they are never loud, and they hold themselves up in the media room all night. Cole's age is a little different they are crazy, wild, and unruly. So I try to have as few of these as possible. After I hang up the phone Aidan is whining that he wants a friend over too. Seriously??????their killing me here. I call the Mom back since she also has a kid Aidan's age and ask if he can stay too. She laughs and asks me if I am crazy. NO not crazy yet maybe close but lazy is more like it. I have NO MO JO to argue.

Thank God it has warmed up a bit by the second game. After the second game we have TWO hours till the third game. I have zero energy and no MO JO to do anything but park my ass in a chair and wait for the third game. A few of the other parents feel the same way I do. We end up on the side line of an empty field where the kids played. It's so funny when you find yourself on the sidelines with parents you hardly know trying to make small talk. FOR TWO HOURS MIND YOU! My over active mind is thinking things like...I wonder what their story is.....I wonder if they would rather be doing laundry than sitting here like me....I wonder if my wrinkles look that deep in this overcast lighting. Damn if people could hear what we were thinking we would all be in a world of shit.

We are finally headed home after four pm. We get home and all I want to do is put my comfortable pants on and curl up on the sofa with a tear jerking lifetime movie. Sponge Bob occupies my TV and I'm about to have that dreaded sleepover. Hubby is MIA since he got tickets to the longhorn game.

Sleepover is actually going as well as I can expect. A few fights and a few Mommmmmmm's. There are a couple times while my ass is parked on the sofa and it sounds a like bowling alley upstairs that I am thinking PUCKKKKKKKK! BTW, twisted sister I meant to say PUCKKKK, I think it's the nicer version of the F word. The kids they have over are very polite. I cook them a pizza and one of the kids tells me a funny story. He tells me he was flipping through his channels at home and he came across this girl on the toilet that pooped out a child. He then tells me she didn't even know she was pregnant. I'm just happy that Cole isn't the only nine year that thinks we poop out our young.

After a while they are all back down in my space. This is a clear case of be careful what you say because your kids are listening and telling. Which by the way pisses me off since I usually have to repeat myself five times on things I want them to hear. Anywho Aidan says did you know I was an accident???? I walk over and say WHAT DID YOU SAY???? Then Cole who was at one of his friends house this week says.....Yeah we know I was just telling my friends Mom that you were an accident. I said......don't be telling people that! He tells me but she laughed about it. Of course she laughed because you totally through me under a bus! Geez there is NO telling what kind of stuff these kids have heard and told! I may have to move and I'm not taking these people I live with with me. Anywho Hub's came home from the longhorn game and thought he was going to roll in and get some.......UMMMM I don't think soooooo, being MIA all day at soccer and for a sleep over is not a turn on. GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD FER SURE!

There's a crap knocking at the back door.

This is not my picture but I love it. Mom...aka...Debbie Downer sent it to me because my neighbor is an asshole. If my house didn't go down in value to the tune of 60k this sign would be in my yard.

So lets just say I'm in the place I hang out in two days a week now. I have to keep it on the down low in this blog since it almost got me in trouble. I'm there only about 20 minutes when my cramps kick in. Now there is someone who hangs out in this place with me part of the time. So I find myself sitting in a place next to his starting to sweat because my tummy is cramping up. I even start to kind of feel dizzy from my nerves. I guess I have this thing where I don't like to poop anywhere but my own house. I'm starting to go into a total panic attack and I'm about to crap my pants. I'm fighting in my head about what to do. Since I have only been there 20 minutes I can't take a lunch. All I can think is why didn't this shit hit me before I left the house. I go around the corner and tell this person there is a crap knocking at my back door and I don't feel comfortable letting it out here, so I will be right back. Well that's not exactly what I said. It was more like I forgot my book at home so I will be back in a few minutes. I don't know why I can't poop anywhere but my house, except in dire emergencies. But I have no problem talking about it. I find poop stories most amusing, even more so when there not mine.

I thought our Saturday's were going to be free for a few weeks. That is until Aidan's team had to play so good in the tournament last weekend. Because of that it qualified us for another five game weekend. The worst part about this is it's in Fuckitsfarville.....I mean Pflugerville. Were going to have to leave the house at 6:45am. Anyone that knows me knows I am not really a ray of sunshine in the morning. I'm a total night owl so this will really put a damper in my Friday night.

I have this little cheerleader in my head trying to tell me to get off my ass and run. Maybe I could motivate myself by imagining that I am running far, far away from here. I could imagine myself running to an island to be with my hot vampire. Oh wait the vampire can't hang in sunny places. Never mind anyway it's about to rain here so I am off the hook for another night.

Stalking!

Friday night Hub's and I headed to the Broken Spoke for a 4H benefit. This place is your typical Texas country honkie tonk bar. GREAT people watching. They had a silent auction that was not silent at all. It was so much fun too watch. You get cards that you held up if you want to bid. In the midst of my excitement I raised my hands in the air and almost paid 5000 dollars for a guitar. If I'm going to spend 5000 grand I want to go in the shop. Though after watching the housewives of Hollywood I'm rethinking that thought.

Kevin Fowler put on a kick ass concert for this event. I'm not a huge country music fan but he put on a damn good and entertaining show. It just reaffirmed my thought that I want to be a rock star. If I could only sing.

I love this picture with the word "BROKEN" next to his head. I would love it more if my face was next to the "BROKEN" sign.

Towards the end of the night I realize that Wes from the bachelor pad is in the house. Being the TV junkie that I am I know exactly who he is. I'm so excited I spend the next 45 minutes stalking him trying to get a picture, calling and texting two of my friends who are also TV junkies. I can't really get a good shot so I finally go up and ask if I could get his picture. It brings me back to my younger years of being just a little bit gitty about a guys. I first ask him for a shot on my I phone so I can send my TV junkies the picture. I then ask Hub's to get a shot of him and me because no one is going to believe this shit. Now Hub's is a total trooper and takes the picture. He is most annoyed that we are on date night and I have spent the last 45 minutes stalking a reality TV star. He is even more annoyed when I spend the ride home texting between Sharri and Jen about my stalking night.

All weekend Aidan is in a soccer tournament. They make him the goal keeper for half the game. BTW, he had five games between Saturday and Sunday.

He looks too damn cute as the goal keeper.

I have to say even though Aidan is an awesome soccer player I was a little worried because of his height. He is playing up.....Do you hear me tooting my horn right now??? I thought for sure those balls were going to go right over his head. Not so much it's like the kid grew wings and caught every ball but one.

In between Aidan's games I have to run Blake to his referee job. Usually I drop and run. When I get there I realize he is refereeing my secret crushes kids game. What do I do I stay and stalk. I will not say who my secret crush is. Many of you who read this know exactly who he is. Let's just say he is a TV star who lives in my part of the woods. I call Hub's to gush about this and it almost sends him over the edge since I was just stalking the night before. After Blake is done we have to wait out there for some friends to drop off Cole. Now I'm not complaining at all because secret crush is right next to us hanging out. Once again I am brought back to my younger years of trying anything to get this secret crush to look my way. I know damn well this is obnoxious and ridiculous but damn he is good looking! Not like I could ever land this plane so all in fun! BTW, I really do love Hub's but I am not dead.....just sayin!

Later that night I'm on the phone with my Mom...aka...Debbie Downer. Debbie is on a roll tonight I can't even keep up with all her stories. She is first telling me about some girl who died at the Palmer house sliding down a banister. She moves on to the guy that fell at the Notre Dame game and died. Then she is talking about my twisted sister taking an upcoming trip. She goes on to tell me how women should not travel alone. From there she goes on to talking about all the nuts in the world. She is then talking about all the college girls that have been killed. Then she is talking about my cousin who got fake contacts for Halloween and how she could go blind. All that's going through my head is "WHAAAA WHAAA WHAAA! Now Debbie is not computer savvy so she does not know I talk just a wee bit of shit on here about her. For all you computer savvy relatives, please keep it on the down low. The women still scares the shit out of me when she is mad. I love her dearly but this is crap I just don't need to know. Yes, people even at forty she stills scares the crap out of me!!!!!

Any who, Monday rolled around. I got up and could not go back too bed because I was going to get my hair did. While in the chair I'm thinking damn look at those bags under my eyes! WTHELL with the florescent light in a BEAUTY salon! Now I'm for the "GREEN" way of life but not at all for fluorescent in my beauty salon, dressing rooms, or in my house! Ignorance is bliss for God's sake.

I pick up the kids from school and a few friends come home with us. The kids just got their new school pictures. I'm changing out my frames and I keep all the years past behind the current picture. While I'm changing them the kids are all around me because they like me. I don't know why they like me because I really don't like kids. I'm showing them Cole and Aidan's past pictures and telling them how much they have changed. All the sudden Cole gets down beside the island and is giving me the cut throat sign. He is embarrassed, it brings me way back to when Debbie and the grump embarrassed me...mostly Debbie. I stop showing the pictures. The biggest reason is I can't afford therapy for this one! While I'm changing the pictures, Cole's friend tells me he made a bad face in his picture. He goes on to tell me he has to take a re-take and his Mom was madder than a hornet. I laugh out loud for sure, I'm just glad that I'm not the only hornet out there.

We are doing homework later that night, which is not my favorite time of the night. Cole asks me if I am coming to his Thanksgiving lunch in the am. I say of course I am, I never miss anything. He then takes me back to when he was in second grade and I missed one event the whole year. He is telling me how I was supposed to go check out his work and I was MIA. He then tells me he sat there by himself with tears in his eyes. Then some Mom who looked liked me but with a different face walked up to him and said...Do you want me to look at your work since your Mom is not here??? I traumatized my child and I had no idea! I see therapy in our future.

While doing homework Cole says to me...when we were in Chicago this summer is that the last time time I'm going to see great Grandma alive? I am taken back because it is probably the last time since she is so sick. I don't even like to think of her not being around. I tell him it may be but we are lucky we got to go for so long and see her a lot on our visit. The sweetie pie says's to me that he does not even know what her favorite color is, her favorite food, or her favorite thing. This pretty much brings tears to my eyes. He asks me if I could call my Dad..aka...Grumpa and ask him if he knows what her favorite things are. I call my Grumpa and he answers all his questions he then jokingly says that her favorite thing was him. Cole says....... I knew Grandpa was her favorite thing.

I seemed to have survived the nasty virus that over took my house last week. What can I say except I am a rock star. I wish I didn't spend six days obsessing about getting it. My Dad may be right when he tells me not to worry about things till they happen. I just can't get my mind to think that way.

What the Hell Universe????

Monday morning I wake up with every intention to re invent myself into the perfect person. I was going to workout, eat right, and take my vitamins. I was going to get crap done off my awful list as well. I like to refer to this list as the shit list. At 2:30 I found myself still in my PJ's suckin down Dr Peppers, watching TV, and surfing the net. Pathetic, I know! I don't know why but I am missing the self control gene. When I plan this kind of day it almost seems like my mind works extra hard to mess it up. I take a quick shower and run up to pick up the kids from school. I always have this overwhelming feeling of guilt when I don't follow through with my plans. I'm going to start re inventing myself on Tuesdays. Mondays and me just don't see eye to eye.





Blake has a football game tonight. I'm in my closet getting ready. I pull out my "True Religion" jeans. I am shocked when they won't go over my hips. What's even worst is Hubby walks in the closet from work and stops and laughs at me. Great timing, there I am wobbling all over the closet trying to get these over my hips! Pretty sight. I pull out another pair of jeans, I can get these over my hips but I can't button them. Hubby is still in there hanging up his tie from his work day. He glances over again......laughing and says.......What happened????? What happened is I turned 40 and all that crap Mom...aka..Debbie Downer said to me is true! Your metabolism comes to a screeching halt. Now I am mad! I never used to work out ever and I have been doing yoga and palates this is bullshit! These damn jeans fit in APRIL. This is no ones fault but my own. I know what to do stop buying soda, beer, cheeseburgers, french fries, and junk! Stop sitting on the sofa surfing the web and watching TV. Start walking at night, for God sakes I have a dog and kids they would love to walk. As I writing this little entry I am thinking about the fact that I am meeting my friend Sharri's boyfriend at "Docs" tonight. He is buying one of Hubby's ACL tickets. Doc's has the best damn cheeseburgers and fries, I have to have one! I have a very LONG road a head of me. Getting old sucks I like the good old days where I could eat what ever I wanted. I did workout for an hour on Tuesday. After I was done I ran in my closet and tried those jeans back on. As if that fat was going to melt right off.

Here's a picture of Blake about to take down that guy. I was so proud when I heard his name over the loud speaker. Since there is more than one football team we always stay for the second the game. My two little guys always throw the ball around with the other kids at the game. Every time I pass them they yell......Hey Mommy! I counted three times that Blake walked by me and acted like he did not know who I was. I bought a button of him at one of the games and he asked me to please not wear it. Where is that little boy that loved his Mommy so much????

These guys in their boots just crack my ass up! It may be growing on me!

I had to add a few pictures of "Baby Beck". He was a crazy rock star again at his game. Four left footed goals. I was behind the goal area because it was the best place to take pictures. The goal keeper from the other teams name was Caleb. The reason I know this is because his helicopter Mom stood right behind the goal the entire game. She talked to him non stop. Poor kid how the heck was he supposed to concentrate. She would say Caleb do you know what you did wrong on that one? Caleb the ball is coming get ready. Caleb if you do this it will be better. Caleb that is exactly what your supposed to do and so on and so on. That kid did not turn around one time and acknowledge that she was speaking to him. No exaggeration she never shut up the entire game. I found myself wanting to yell things at her like shut the hell up and let him play. At one point I wanted to take off my shoe and stuff it in her mouth. Mind you Aidan plays on a team two years up so this poor kid is nine. OMG, I can just imagine this poor kids life and his poor future wife. I will never see her again so I feel free to talk shit on here about her without having to call her "Hello Kitty".

Aidan's team is having a great season. I think they have only lost one game.

I can't wait to watch this kid though the years playing sports. He has this determination in his eyes that is crazy. I LOVE having the star player. He is so much fun to watch.

We get home from the game and I am uploading all the millions I took at the game. Blake is standing over me looking at the pictures. All of the sudden he drops a full glass of water on my lap top. It goes right on my keyboard. It is almost like it is happening in slow motion and I am going......NOOOOOOOOOO! I flip the thing upside down right away. I lay a towel up and set it upside down on it. The last few weeks the Universe has been shiting all over me. It started when Hubby's car needed a bunch of work. Then our lawnmower broke. Then our washer broke. Then the window of my car broke. Next I crashed my car. Two days later I lost money out of my pocket at a football game. I made the mistake of saying the words what's next! Well the universe showed me what's next. I'm in a huge panic, Hubby is going to go through the roof on this one. Should I stage a robbery????? After I let the lap top dry out I am testing it the keys are going out one by one right before my eyes. Next the screen goes.....come on Universe give me a break!

I ask the universe all the time for a large lotto win, good health, and happiness. Hey Universe I ain't happy! How about that lotto. Is it so much to ask for the easy way out??? Mom...aka...Debbie Downer is from the school that nothing comes easy. Bullshit there are people that get the easy way out and I want to be one. Are you listening Universe?????

While getting ready for football practice Cole is watching the Oprah show about the monkey who communicates with people. He turns to me and asks if we could get one of these monkeys. I tell him if he cooks, cleans, and drives kids around I'm all for it!

I had to take a picture of this salad I made for my friends who were in town. It was so pretty and I totally copied it from my neighbor. Anyway I'm getting tired of these people I live with messing and breaking my shit.

Debbie Downer and the bee

Thursday night I headed out with Aidan to his two hour soccer practice. Not wanting to sit in the bug infested field for two hours I run to the grocery store. When I get back I still have about 45 minutes left. I call Mom...aka...Debbie Downer. While I'm talking to her I scream because there is a big brown bee looking kind of thing flying around my car. Debbie tells me their was a man in Elk Grove village that got stung by a bee and died this week. Seriously is this women for real???? She has a downer story to go with everything I say. I still wonder why she is the wealth of downer information. I tell her I can't believe she is telling me this while there is a bee flying around my car. She just laughs. I think she gets some sick satisfaction from telling me this stuff.



I'm fighting with this bee thing and it disappears. Aidan is finally done with practice. While driving home the bee resurfaces. All I can think of is this thing is going to get me and Debbie is going too feel like a total jerk. Aidan is complaining in the back seat that he is starving.

Hubby and I have been at odds about fiances. He is on me to get a job. We have had a bit of a black cloud over us lately. His car needed brakes, the lawnmower broke, and the kids are draining us with all the sports stuff. I forgot my driver side window broke too. The "Universe" is going to take care of all this because I'm about too win a shit load of money.

I give into Aidan and pull into the Sonic. I start into the drive through and remember my window won't go down. My intuition tells me too get the hell out of there and go home. I should have listened to that little intuition thing. It's right every time. I pull in wide because of the broken window I'm going to have to get out to order. I hit the frickin sign! This wipes out the side of my car, the hood of my car, and the bumper. Not to mention the sonic sign! This is not my first sonic mishap. I backed into someone in Sonic when I was eight months pregnant with Cole. I'm starting too hate this place. All I can think of is I didn't want to stop here in the first place. This is so unfair. Would it be bad if I reached back and sucker punched Aidan????? Technically I just paid 500 dollars for a damn cheeseburger.

I tell Aidan not to tell Hubby yet. He asks me if he can tell Cole. I know he will not be able to hold this in. I have no choice but walk in with my tail between my legs and tell Hubby. I get out of the car and it is way worst than I thought it was. The whole front of my car is going to need to be replaced. Thank God a couple of friends of ours had stopped over. I get to tell Hubby with an audience. His face gets pretty red I can tell he is really mad. He is holding it together as much as he can. We have a constant fight about my driving even when I'm not running down signs. While passing him in the hallway he says can you please get a job.......I need some help paying for all the stuff you and the kids mess up. LOW BLOW! Aidan only eats half the burger because he gets a stomach ache. I really want to shove that burger down his throat but I don't want to scar the child.


I wake up the next day with a sick feeling in my stomach. I feel overwhelmed by all the unplanned money flying out the account. Since it's Friday we are planning to go to the Football game. We stop by a friends house on the way to the game to pick up their son. They are having a party, so we hang out for a bit. While there I'm talking to a girl who is from Chicago. I tell her I'm from there too. Turns out she was one of my cousins best friends. What a small world. Next I'm talking to this guy who works for a builder in my hood. I tell him I used to work for one of the other builders in the hood. He asks if I need a job. This is crazy since I woke up sick that morning thinking I need a job.

I'm talking to this group of girls and we are chatting about men with multiple wives. I would have never thought this before but I'm thinking that doesn't sound half bad. Wow, another wife too help with all the cleaning, cooking, driving, and putting out! I think those chicks are on to something. I picture myself sitting back watching TV while the other ones do all the shit I hate doing. My mind goes else where and I wonder why there are not chicks with multiple Hubby's. The big benefit would be multiple pay checks. I wouldn't have to get a job. But then I think.....shit who the hell would want to satisfy more than one man????? It is like a light bulb went off.....of course there are not chicks with multiple Hubby's!

We finally make it to the game. I have the tickets along with a 20 in my pocket. We get in and I go to get my twenty and it's gone. It must of fallin out when I got the tickets out. This black cloud needs too leave the top of my head. I know things happen in three's but we are way past three. Unfortunately the Tigers get killed. We leave the game a little early to beat traffic. I call Debbie on the way home to tell her about my new job. She says.....that's great did you hear we had a murder suicide in our neighborhood????? I know I poke fun at her for being a Downer but damn she's out of control. I talk to her every night I'm going too see if she could go one night without telling me something awful. All these people I live with are finally asleep so it's TV time for me. I still can't get the to and too straight so have fun laughing at me. I guess I could never go on...Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader! I'm tired and ready for TV so please excuse any errors, I did not feel like a proof read.