Thank you, Universe!

I woke up this am and to my surprise the Universe came through for me. The vamp was laying in bed next to me not wanting a piece just wanting to cuddle and talk. The night cream I cake on my face every night before bed had wiped those crows right out, just like it promises too. My hair that has been falling out from these people was thick again. I looked like I am 25 again. The bags under my eyes had disappeared. That unwanted belly fat had mysteriously disappeared. Those size "A" boobs I have grown on my back were gone. I ran into my closet and those skinny jeans went over my hips with ease. Then the doorbell rang it was publishers clearing house standing there with balloons and my million dollar check. I felt rich and refreshed! I looked around my house and it was clean and all the closets and drawers were organized. Nat Berkus had redecorated my whole house, then he told me I had changed his mind about being gay. Oprah was on my sofa just wanting to shoot the shit. Ellen was dancing around my livingroom. Dr Oz was here to tell me I was the picture of health. OMG, I realize I was the one who created facebook and was a muti billionare! Then that damn Dr. Phil had to show up and tell me to get real! Where is Debbie to see this shitz??? A girl can dream right????? In actuality I woke up to dumb and dumber fighting over who's waffle had more butter on it. So I finally kicked their ass out the door and went back to bed.



Later that morning I woke up to "the view" showing their asses on TV. I got ready and headed to the middle school for a little volunteer time. When I got to the middle school there were two cop cars in front of it. The cars were running but there were no cops in them. As I was walking by I thought to myself gee it would be fun to hop in one and take it for a joy ride. I don't know why I have these crazy thoughts but I do. I spend about two hours in there entering a survey that the kids did about the counselors. I was sad to see that one kid wrote....Please stop the kids from calling me fat, it hurts! Kids are jerks, adults are too but at least we have learned to talk behind people's backs instead of too their faces.



I get home in time to pick up my two favorite little boys from school. Aidan has soccer practice and Cole has football practice at the same time. Hubby takes Aidan and I take Cole. I have to drop and run with Cole. I need to get to the middle school to pick up Blake from football feed him and get him back there for his choir concert. I drop him back off at his concert and head back out to pick up Cole. Damn I hope these kids are rich and famous someday and buy me a convertible Mercedes with a little plastic surgery so I don't look like an old ass driving it. They owe me, all I do is drive them around so they can be in everything they want. After I get Cole we head back to the middle school so we can catch the choir concert. Poor Blake we didn't try on his choir uniform till last night. I guess he has grown some since last year since he is standing up there with floods on. I don't know if the other parents feel this way but I am looking at the program trying to figure out how long this is going to take. The first song is cute but then it gets just plain boring. Sometimes I feel like I am a ten year old trapped in a forty year old body. I am sitting there and instead of watching my kid sing, which btw, for the longest time I was looking at the wrong kid thinking he was mine(I SEE GLASSES IN MY FUTURE) I was sizing up the people sitting around me. There was a couple in front of me and he was rubbing her back the whole time. I found myself wondering if this was a second or third marriage. There was a women sitting down from me that clearly had her hey day in the 80's because she was stuck there. A Dad a few rows up was looking around the whole time as if he was on the prowl for a new wife. Cole my baby was standing up trying to sing with the choir and wave to all the middle school kids who were ignoring him. Finally this shitz is over, thank God we can go home.







We are driving home and they just put a "What a Burger" in our small little town with little fast food. There is a line around the building to get in. Plus the inside is packed. I want to yell out the window get a life it's a Burger joint. Who would wait more than five minutes for a burger? I really think it should be called "What the F!@# Burger" God knows what crap they scrap up off the floors while making those things. Sorry just a little bitter that the heart center said no more burgers! I have to take out my frustration somewhere. To tell you the truth I would LOVE a "What a Burger" bout now. Sorry no pictures with this post...Camera girl needs a happy motivating pill. I think these people finally stole my MO JO! Looking foward to my twisted sister coming next week with my sweet niece.

Hello Universe, it's me and I'm not going to take it!

I am Kerry...aka...The Queen of Halloween. Every year I have the best decorated house in the hood. This year I have zero motivation to get this shitz out. I wish someone would invent a happy, motivating pill for me. I would love to go to bed and wake up and everything is done for me. I think back to my childhood to that story of the shoe maker when he went to bed all the shoes were made by elf's for him! Easy way out I know, in true life there are no elves to make this happen. So in my true Halloween character I get this shitz out, mostly because these people I live won't get off my ass.

The two little guys love setting all this up. Blake not so much. Last year I set up the yard in my witch hat. Blake's bus comes right past our house. I was setting up in the witch hat when the bus went by. Now the kids and the bus driver love my yard and she throws me a thumbs up while driving by. Blake is coming down the street and comes up to me and says....Mom did you really have to be out her in your witch hat???....It's soooo embarrassing. I tell him I'm your Mom and I take pride in embarrassing you! If I were a kid I would think it was cool to have the best Halloween yard. I don't know what his problem is.

Even though the little guys love to help, they have no idea how to set this stuff up so it looks good. I let them do what they want and then I go behind them and change it! I am the queen, not them.

I surprise the kids and pick up some pumpkin's at HEB. Of course they want to cut right into them even though they will be rotten by Halloween if we do that.

Being the queen of Halloween, I can't wait either. We could always get more. HEB sells them for only four bucks. I learned quickly don't buy pumpkins at the patch they are way cheaper at the local grocery store.

Cole of course wants the love of his life to come over and help him. I'm really pulling for them even if they are nine since I love her parents. We would make great in laws.

Aidan wants a knife hanging out of his pumpkins head. I see therapy in his future.

He tried and he failed, miserably! Last year my twisted sister did some crazy ass pumpkins from a kit that had a sun and wolves. Cole remembered this and was trying to copy it. I think it looks like a pumpkin that got shot in the head.

What can I say A for effort????? Not really but don't tell Cole that.

Blake comes home and wants to carve his pumpkin. I am really pumpkined out at this point. I just want to watch modern family and be left alone. He carves it on his own, he did a great job. I ask him for a picture. He does NOT want to take one. I tell him I have a picture every year of his life with his pumpkin. He tells me he will take one but he does not want me to put it on facebook. I agree but don't agree not to put it on the blog. Now they really don't exactly know about the blog this is for them when they are age appropriate with their own kids.

Hubby comes home from work and I ask him to help me with the final touches to the yard. The wiring that is, I can't wire all this crap without blowing a fuse. He tells me the shower door is not working right and he is going to fix that first. He spends a lot of time cleaning the crap out of it in the garage because he is a very anal clean freak. I'm on the computer in the front of the house since Blakey baby fried my lap top last week. Hubby comes in and says's...I can use your help. I ask him with what???? He tells me to come in the bathroom. I tell him let me finish up on here. I also ask him to tell me what he needs help with. He tells me just come in the bathroom when I am done. I take me time and then I start washing a window to hang a Halloween decoration. While I am washing I hear this noise coming from the bathroom that I can't make out. I go in there to find Hubby cleaning up a huge mess of glass everywhere. WTH, UNIVERSE we are at way more than three things going wrong! Hubby just looks at me and laughs. I'm not really laughing at this point. I have not asked the UNIVERSE what's next lately. I think the universe and me are at odds for some reason. I have to run to Drippin to pick up Blake so I get out of cleanup thank God.

My friend Ashley is coming by to pick up Cole's love. I call her from the car and tell her when she picks up Brooke to go in my bathroom. She knows all the crap that has gone wrong lately. She calls me and says......You need to get to church quick. YOU THINK???? I don't know who I pissed off but for God sakes UNIVERSE pick on someone else! I get back home just in time for Hubby to have cleaned it all up!

Earlier today I had a follow up phone call from Berkley heart center. Now I had this crazy test since my Dad....aka....Grumpa had a heart attack and my Aunt....ake...Debbie Downers, downer sister had one at 39. It's crazy what they can see from this test. I recommend it whole heartily! The lady on the phone tells me my body does not digest fat well. This is a gene I got from Grumpa or Debbie. Now damn I am thinking to myself this is bullshit. I want that gene that my Mom seems to carry for perfect skin. She in her hay day sunned like a rock star and smoked like a champ. She is in her sixies now and has less crows feet that I have! She doesn't have a wrinkle on her forhead, is it so much to ask to inherate that gene??? Universe are you listening??? I need to go on a very low fat diet even the good fats. As I am talking to her I am making a super high in fat dinner. She also tells me alcohol is a devil for me it will increase my cholesterol and blood pressure. Hello women I am Irish catholic we drink beer! I need a tottie now and then to get through the day of living with these people. I LOVE fat foods! I don't have a sweet tooth but I defiantly have a fat one. I am telling the women all this and she does not seem to get my humor in it! This news to me is not fun! I hate getting old and having to manage health crap! I really love the "ignorance is bliss" thing. I'm writing this blog on a night when I don't normally have a beer but I want one because this lady said I can't have one! I also have that bad habit of wanting things I am told I can't have. I don't know if it's because I want to prove I can or what! BULLSHIT I say! Hey UNIVERSE what I want from you is happines, good health, super wealth, and great genes! DO YOU HEAR ME?????

What the Hell Universe????

Monday morning I wake up with every intention to re invent myself into the perfect person. I was going to workout, eat right, and take my vitamins. I was going to get crap done off my awful list as well. I like to refer to this list as the shit list. At 2:30 I found myself still in my PJ's suckin down Dr Peppers, watching TV, and surfing the net. Pathetic, I know! I don't know why but I am missing the self control gene. When I plan this kind of day it almost seems like my mind works extra hard to mess it up. I take a quick shower and run up to pick up the kids from school. I always have this overwhelming feeling of guilt when I don't follow through with my plans. I'm going to start re inventing myself on Tuesdays. Mondays and me just don't see eye to eye.





Blake has a football game tonight. I'm in my closet getting ready. I pull out my "True Religion" jeans. I am shocked when they won't go over my hips. What's even worst is Hubby walks in the closet from work and stops and laughs at me. Great timing, there I am wobbling all over the closet trying to get these over my hips! Pretty sight. I pull out another pair of jeans, I can get these over my hips but I can't button them. Hubby is still in there hanging up his tie from his work day. He glances over again......laughing and says.......What happened????? What happened is I turned 40 and all that crap Mom...aka..Debbie Downer said to me is true! Your metabolism comes to a screeching halt. Now I am mad! I never used to work out ever and I have been doing yoga and palates this is bullshit! These damn jeans fit in APRIL. This is no ones fault but my own. I know what to do stop buying soda, beer, cheeseburgers, french fries, and junk! Stop sitting on the sofa surfing the web and watching TV. Start walking at night, for God sakes I have a dog and kids they would love to walk. As I writing this little entry I am thinking about the fact that I am meeting my friend Sharri's boyfriend at "Docs" tonight. He is buying one of Hubby's ACL tickets. Doc's has the best damn cheeseburgers and fries, I have to have one! I have a very LONG road a head of me. Getting old sucks I like the good old days where I could eat what ever I wanted. I did workout for an hour on Tuesday. After I was done I ran in my closet and tried those jeans back on. As if that fat was going to melt right off.

Here's a picture of Blake about to take down that guy. I was so proud when I heard his name over the loud speaker. Since there is more than one football team we always stay for the second the game. My two little guys always throw the ball around with the other kids at the game. Every time I pass them they yell......Hey Mommy! I counted three times that Blake walked by me and acted like he did not know who I was. I bought a button of him at one of the games and he asked me to please not wear it. Where is that little boy that loved his Mommy so much????

These guys in their boots just crack my ass up! It may be growing on me!

I had to add a few pictures of "Baby Beck". He was a crazy rock star again at his game. Four left footed goals. I was behind the goal area because it was the best place to take pictures. The goal keeper from the other teams name was Caleb. The reason I know this is because his helicopter Mom stood right behind the goal the entire game. She talked to him non stop. Poor kid how the heck was he supposed to concentrate. She would say Caleb do you know what you did wrong on that one? Caleb the ball is coming get ready. Caleb if you do this it will be better. Caleb that is exactly what your supposed to do and so on and so on. That kid did not turn around one time and acknowledge that she was speaking to him. No exaggeration she never shut up the entire game. I found myself wanting to yell things at her like shut the hell up and let him play. At one point I wanted to take off my shoe and stuff it in her mouth. Mind you Aidan plays on a team two years up so this poor kid is nine. OMG, I can just imagine this poor kids life and his poor future wife. I will never see her again so I feel free to talk shit on here about her without having to call her "Hello Kitty".

Aidan's team is having a great season. I think they have only lost one game.

I can't wait to watch this kid though the years playing sports. He has this determination in his eyes that is crazy. I LOVE having the star player. He is so much fun to watch.

We get home from the game and I am uploading all the millions I took at the game. Blake is standing over me looking at the pictures. All of the sudden he drops a full glass of water on my lap top. It goes right on my keyboard. It is almost like it is happening in slow motion and I am going......NOOOOOOOOOO! I flip the thing upside down right away. I lay a towel up and set it upside down on it. The last few weeks the Universe has been shiting all over me. It started when Hubby's car needed a bunch of work. Then our lawnmower broke. Then our washer broke. Then the window of my car broke. Next I crashed my car. Two days later I lost money out of my pocket at a football game. I made the mistake of saying the words what's next! Well the universe showed me what's next. I'm in a huge panic, Hubby is going to go through the roof on this one. Should I stage a robbery????? After I let the lap top dry out I am testing it the keys are going out one by one right before my eyes. Next the screen goes.....come on Universe give me a break!

I ask the universe all the time for a large lotto win, good health, and happiness. Hey Universe I ain't happy! How about that lotto. Is it so much to ask for the easy way out??? Mom...aka...Debbie Downer is from the school that nothing comes easy. Bullshit there are people that get the easy way out and I want to be one. Are you listening Universe?????

While getting ready for football practice Cole is watching the Oprah show about the monkey who communicates with people. He turns to me and asks if we could get one of these monkeys. I tell him if he cooks, cleans, and drives kids around I'm all for it!

I had to take a picture of this salad I made for my friends who were in town. It was so pretty and I totally copied it from my neighbor. Anyway I'm getting tired of these people I live with messing and breaking my shit.

Asking the Universe

My pictures tonight really have nothing to do with my post. I'm just missing my baby Ella even if she took my place in the Grumpy old guys eye. I'm on the hunt for a part time job. I have been brainwashed by all this ask the universe stuff. I have asked the universe to be a rock star, to write a published book, (guess I have to learn to spell and have better grammar) to be a famous photographer, and to win a lot of money. Thus far the universe has me on hold. I still believe all these things....minus the rock star. I can't sing worth a shit, I'm stretching it a bit with that request. I still can imagine what it is like to be a rock star! I have racked my brain on what to do. I haven't worked pretty much since my last one was born. After raising these three BOYS I feel that I could do just about anything! I don't think an employer will see eye to eye with me on this. When your a stay at home Mom you are a huge multi tasker. I could totally run a company from this experience. You have to motivate your people on a daily basis. You have to have them in the right place at the right time. You manage the house, food, clothes, and etc&etc. You manage where every ones shit is because even though it is their shit you are the only one that could keep track of it. You break up fights! You are kind of like a dog chasing your tail going behind them cleaning up messes. You should have a ref uniform on with a whistle, but that would be a little over the top. I really think I should be able to land a top dollar job but because I now have no experience I can't! Truth be known this is more experience than I ever got while working. Working was easy, raising kids is hard. I have thought about working at a place where I could benefit from the discount. My first thought is a plastic surgeon's office. Then I think maybe at a kids clothing store, sad thing is that job don't pay shit. What about something rewarding????? I might check a dog shelter.....sad thing is I would want to take all the dogs home. I might even get really crazy and trade these people I live with for dogs. Bottom line is I really don't know what to do. My schedule with the kids is still so busy so I can't dive into anything big.

I know this has nothing to do with anything but I laughed my ass off taking this picture! That face just kills me! Do you think I may be raising drama queens?????

I laughed at this one too! That Grumpy old guy really has a way with kids. I was putting Cole to sleep tonight and he asks me the most random question. He said "Mom do girls poop like boys?" I ask him what does he mean by this question???? He then asks if girls poop brown turds. I tell him we poop pink ones and I go about my business, poor kid will probably believe me. These people I live with keep me busy and laughing. BTW, UNIVERSE I NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME!