I woke up this am and to my surprise the Universe came through for me. The vamp was laying in bed next to me not wanting a piece just wanting to cuddle and talk. The night cream I cake on my face every night before bed had wiped those crows right out, just like it promises too. My hair that has been falling out from these people was thick again. I looked like I am 25 again. The bags under my eyes had disappeared. That unwanted belly fat had mysteriously disappeared. Those size "A" boobs I have grown on my back were gone. I ran into my closet and those skinny jeans went over my hips with ease. Then the doorbell rang it was publishers clearing house standing there with balloons and my million dollar check. I felt rich and refreshed! I looked around my house and it was clean and all the closets and drawers were organized. Nat Berkus had redecorated my whole house, then he told me I had changed his mind about being gay. Oprah was on my sofa just wanting to shoot the shit. Ellen was dancing around my livingroom. Dr Oz was here to tell me I was the picture of health. OMG, I realize I was the one who created facebook and was a muti billionare! Then that damn Dr. Phil had to show up and tell me to get real! Where is Debbie to see this shitz??? A girl can dream right????? In actuality I woke up to dumb and dumber fighting over who's waffle had more butter on it. So I finally kicked their ass out the door and went back to bed.
Later that morning I woke up to "the view" showing their asses on TV. I got ready and headed to the middle school for a little volunteer time. When I got to the middle school there were two cop cars in front of it. The cars were running but there were no cops in them. As I was walking by I thought to myself gee it would be fun to hop in one and take it for a joy ride. I don't know why I have these crazy thoughts but I do. I spend about two hours in there entering a survey that the kids did about the counselors. I was sad to see that one kid wrote....Please stop the kids from calling me fat, it hurts! Kids are jerks, adults are too but at least we have learned to talk behind people's backs instead of too their faces.
I get home in time to pick up my two favorite little boys from school. Aidan has soccer practice and Cole has football practice at the same time. Hubby takes Aidan and I take Cole. I have to drop and run with Cole. I need to get to the middle school to pick up Blake from football feed him and get him back there for his choir concert. I drop him back off at his concert and head back out to pick up Cole. Damn I hope these kids are rich and famous someday and buy me a convertible Mercedes with a little plastic surgery so I don't look like an old ass driving it. They owe me, all I do is drive them around so they can be in everything they want. After I get Cole we head back to the middle school so we can catch the choir concert. Poor Blake we didn't try on his choir uniform till last night. I guess he has grown some since last year since he is standing up there with floods on. I don't know if the other parents feel this way but I am looking at the program trying to figure out how long this is going to take. The first song is cute but then it gets just plain boring. Sometimes I feel like I am a ten year old trapped in a forty year old body. I am sitting there and instead of watching my kid sing, which btw, for the longest time I was looking at the wrong kid thinking he was mine(I SEE GLASSES IN MY FUTURE) I was sizing up the people sitting around me. There was a couple in front of me and he was rubbing her back the whole time. I found myself wondering if this was a second or third marriage. There was a women sitting down from me that clearly had her hey day in the 80's because she was stuck there. A Dad a few rows up was looking around the whole time as if he was on the prowl for a new wife. Cole my baby was standing up trying to sing with the choir and wave to all the middle school kids who were ignoring him. Finally this shitz is over, thank God we can go home.
We are driving home and they just put a "What a Burger" in our small little town with little fast food. There is a line around the building to get in. Plus the inside is packed. I want to yell out the window get a life it's a Burger joint. Who would wait more than five minutes for a burger? I really think it should be called "What the F!@# Burger" God knows what crap they scrap up off the floors while making those things. Sorry just a little bitter that the heart center said no more burgers! I have to take out my frustration somewhere. To tell you the truth I would LOVE a "What a Burger" bout now. Sorry no pictures with this post...Camera girl needs a happy motivating pill. I think these people finally stole my MO JO! Looking foward to my twisted sister coming next week with my sweet niece.
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