Same old, same old

Looking at this picture all I have to say is who raised this kid????? Oh yes, that would be me. I also wonder why the hell would someone put stickers over their eyes and mouth??? The only thing I see in this picture is see no evil, speak no evil, and I might just like that.

Tuesday morning I head to the elementary school for the turkey dinner. I don't eat the yucky I mean yummy turkey dinner but Cole does.

Now here is Cole with his two favorite girls. If I could pre arrange a marriage for him these would be my top two picks. Number one I love the parents of these two so that would work out great for me. Two since I am "picture girl" I would have a fantastic picture video of either one of these girls for the wedding. Last but not least I know with these one's the parents could pay for the wedding! There is Sky from Frisco though....ummm well this might be a wee bit tough. I should really not express my opinion at all, if he is like me he will do the opposite.

Wednesday I head up to the school to have turkey dinner with Aidan. Now this kid refuses to ever eat a school made lunch. I can't say I blame him but it would be nice once in a while not to make his lunch. I make him his all time favorite Mac and cheese and bring it up to the school. I should get some "Mommy" points for this one. Now I hope when he is old enough to read this blog he will buy me something really great!

Wednesday night we head to Cole's basketball practice. Now Aidan helped a little with Cole's team last year. This year when he was old enough to play he opted out. The reason he opted out was because he felt like Doug needed his help as the "assistant coach". Doug ate this up when I told him the story. He got Aidan an assistant coach hat, Tshirt, whistle, and clip board. He even got to go to the draft to help pick players. He is really excited since as of now at his seven year old age he wants to be a college coach when he grows up. I'm just happy that I saved 160.00 dollars by him not playing! I see boots in my future.

Aidan is taking his coaching job very seriously. It was really cute to watch.

AIDAN CAVENDER, future UT head coach......Hell yeah....A Mom can dream right?????? AIDAN CAVENDER YOU OWE ME LOTS OF MONEY!

So I put the kids to bed, do their normal back rubs when we talk about their day. I settle in, down stairs to watch my mindless TV! I hear just a wee bit of ruckus coming from upstairs. Now there is nothing that pisses me off more than this. I would not have dared caused ruckus after I went too bed as a child. I feared for my life. This is where I feel I have failed miserably with my kids. I go upstairs too see what the ruckus is. This was what I came up to find!!!!!! THESE KIDS OWE ME A HOUSE WHEN THEY CAN PAY FOR ONE...Just sayin! I yell at Cole and get him to go back to bed! Damn it Child I have TV to watch....I don't need this crap.

As I'm getting Cole back in bed, I come around too this! Monkey see, Monkey do. These people I live with are pushing my buttons.....fer sure.

After I get Dumb and Dumber back to bed I go outside to shot gun a beer. While out there my neighbors dog is barking. It kind of sounds like he is saying...RED RUM, RED RUM. Shit like that freaks my over active mind out.

While at the Thanksgiving lunches this week, I was sitting with my friend Robin both days. She said something that I totally agree with and now I can't stop thinking about it. She was talking about how her life seems to just be constantly doing a do over. She is right. You go from football season, to basketball season, to soccer season, year after year. The only difference is we get OLDER every year. Not too mention you clean up the house, do the laundry, wipe down the kitchen 500 times just too get a do over the next day.


My thoughts in the last few days.....

1....Fluorescent lights in the bathroom could be grounds for divorce.

2....I keep thinking I need to run, I even dream about it as if it is a calling. For some reason mindless TV seems to get in my way.

3....My closets are out of control, I really wish someone would get them under control. EASY BUTTON please!

4....Just look at my last picture and give me a get out of jail free card.....these people are making me crazy.

Suspect!

Second day on the job. I break for lunch around 2pm. Since I work down the street I come home for a quick bite and some TV. As I'm pulling in the drive these skeletons catch my eye. Someone has blown up pictures of Hubby and my face and placed them on the skeletons. I can't stop laughing but I want to know who the HELL did it! I'm the only one who is supposed to come up with clever ideas like this. The nice thing is this person picked a picture of us in our twenties. If they were smart they would have blown up a recent picture of us. Now that would have scared the Hell out of people, myself included.

BTW, I want my picture back! Aidan comes home from school and sees this. He wants to take the faces off the skeletons. I ask why and he tells me it's creepy. I tell him he should start eating better, otherwise he will look like this!

Hubby has his flock of seagulls hair in this picture. This is just disturbing. My mind can't help but think he looks like the poster child for anorexia. No offence to any of you anorexics out there.

I go back to work and pull out this college of the suspects. It's got to be one of these drunk asses from the Halloween party. I narrow down my list to the two that I really think did it.

Jesse, is my number one suspect. She can get a little crazy at times. I text her right away to tell her I know what she did and her ass is grass. I find it funny that she called me today to see if I was at work. This is totally something she would do. She also just happened to be laughing at that flock of seagulls picture on my fridge last Saturday. On my 40th she showed up with a beer with my my face on it. My mind is going crazy with things I can do to get her back. I have some great pictures of her in my vault of blackmail. She calls me to find out why her ass is grass. Now Jesse is not a great liar so I half believe that she is not responsible. I'm still not totally convinced though. Would all these little clues just be coincidence?????

I move on to the number two suspects. Now these two are a bit like Bonnie and Clyde. They can be a little sneaky and they love a good prank. They share my same sick sense of humor. I could just see them sitting around last night knocking back a cold one planning my demise. All the sudden I get a text from Maryann. I text her back and ask her if she de-faced my graveyard. Her response....HUH????? What happened to it! Playing stupid I see. SUSPICIOUS! Now this one would never crack under pressure so I have to play my game right. I text her a little while later and say.......The German busted you. Another HUH????? Now the German is my crazy neighbor that has cameras on our yard. I text her back and say his camera got her and he is telling people about it. This doesn't get her. I'm still really thinking the only ones it could be is Jesse or Gilligan and Maryann. I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

I get home from work that night. I'm watching funniest home videos with my kids. BTW, if I was computer savvy I could totally win the jackpot on that show. I have great videos but can never load them right. So anyway, Cole says....did you see what Jen Beck did to your skeletons????? What???? I say! Then I ask how do you know that Jen did that to my skeletons????? He said she did it this morning when she picked me up for school. Great idea Jen, but never do the crime in front of the mouth of the South.

I should have known it was her. This is the same girl who put 40th birthday signs all over my yard. She really blew my cover on that one. All my other neighbors didn't think I looked a day over 39+1! So I know it's lame but I changed her facebook pofile picture to this. Usually I'm much more clever with my paybacks. I worked all day and I'm too tired to think.

If I wasn't so tired and didn't have to run kids all over God's green earth tomorrow I would knock a few back and really get her back. This fight ain't over Jen!

Twisted Sister and my sweet niece come to town

Twisted sister and baby Ella...aka the bird come to town late Tuesday night. I'm writing this blog late Tuesday night thinking I can't believe their trip I waited so long for has come and gone. Ella was all about me that is until she saw Blake...aka...beak, as she calls him.

Wednesday we head to the Rooster school to have lunch with Cole and Aidan. Cole is happy to see us. When Aidan comes in for lunch he is kind of out of it. He tells me his brain hurts. I think he is trying to pull one over one me so he can come home and hang with Ella. I tell him to suck it up. Kelly and I leave to go to lunch, God forbid we eat that crap they call food at the school. Nothing is close out here so we drive about 20 minutes to our favorite restaurant, the satalight cafe. Just as we are pulling in the parking lot my phone rings. It is the school nurse, she tells me Aidan has a 103 temp and I need to pick him up. All the way back to the school all I can think is damn it's their first day here and I hope we all don't end up with this crap. Great Mom, I know you think I would be worried about the fact that my baby is so sick. I get to the school and the girl behind the desk tells me I need to go to the nurse because Aidan can't walk. Now I start to panic a little. When I get back there he is laying on a bed with cold rags on his head and his neck. I'm feeling like a real ass about now. In my defence this kid has pulled the cry for wolf card on me before and he was not at all sick.

That night we get pizza for dinner. The boys are so happy Ella is here.

Sick baby lays on the couch the entire night. I'm watching TV at about midnight because that's how I roll and Aidan wakes up and asks me if the world is going to end in 2012. I ask him where did he here this????? He tells me someone at school told him and they even made a movie about it. I tell him no one really knows when the world will end except God. He says.....why would God end the world that he made. I'm thinking because we have all turned into narcissistic assholes but I don't think that answer will go over too well with this worry wort. I tell him not to worry about it because it will not happen in his life time. He tells me he does not want to die and he does not want anyone he knows to die. This is a pretty big burden for such a little guy to carry. How do you even begin to explain your way out of this one.

Finally I have got the stuff to boo some people. We got booed three times and I have dragged my feet about returning the gesture. The kids get in the car to boo and Cole and Blake are fighting about the front seat. I'm trying to referee as usual. I lose my patience and start to yell. Blake has the nerve to tell me I ruin everything fun because I always end up yelling. Are you kidding me kid???? They ruin everything fun because they fight about everything! I would not have to yell if they didn't fight about everything. They want to boo this guy who has a Michael Meyers guy in front of his house. I park the car down the street and tell them to go. A few minutes later they return with the boo gift. I ask what happened???? They tell me they are scared of Michael. I tell them to suck it up and go ring the bell and run. They come back a second time with the box of candy out of the boo. I ask them why they have the candy???? They tell me it looked good and they wanted to keep it. See what I mean about narcissistic assholes! We go to boo our second family and they are all in front of the house. Needless to say we still need to boo them.

Blake who lately proved he is about as smart as a rock gets his knee stuck in the stairs. Don't ask me what he was doing putting it in there in the first place. Twisted sister and I pry it out for him.

I woke up this Tuesday morning got the kids all ready for school and shoved them out the door. That is of course after they had their normal morning fight over who's waffle had more butter on it! I wish that was the worst of my worries. I go back to bed as I normally do. Wake up at my standard ten am. I go to check my E-mail and I'm feeling slightly off. I'm kind of filled with anxiety and I don't know why. I start to panic slightly because that's what I do being raised by Debbie Downer. I start thinking what if something is wrong with me???? My mind totally goes to the dark side. This is the thing about being a stay at home Mom you have why too much time to think about the "what if". I talk myself off the ledge and then I am overwhelmed by all the stuff I need to do. It is hard enough to keep up with the getting kids ready and fed, keeping up with laundry, dishes, homework, and practices. I have lost my Mo Jo lately and I don't know why. I have a bottle of Zoloft sitting in the cabinet that my Doc gave me when I explained this to him two months ago. I have yet to take it. I don't know why but pills freak me out. I really think I might need them but I hate that everything you take comes with a long list of side effects. I make it through the day. I think women carry this guilt thing. I feel guilty all the time when I don't do what I plan. I feel guilty about not being the greatest Mom or raising perfect children. Guilty, guilty, guilty, that's how I feel. I have guilt about not doing something great with my life. Anyway I was talking to Debbie on the phone tonight. We were talking about someone who is sick a lot. She says...I wonder if he has aids. I'm a little taken back. I laugh and say are you serious????? She says well it does make you have a weak immune system. But really are you serious????? No wonder I'm so messed up! Anyway still here in LaLa land with these people I live with! Btw, if you read this I have a vote for me on side for a Mom blog, please vote I would really like to win something!

I am the queen of Halloween!

Crazy busy weekend as usual. Friday night we went to our neighbors for dinner. Aidan was at my other neighbors house so after throwing a few back at one neighbors house I walk over to the others to get Aidan. I plan to have a cold one and get home at a decent hour. Hubby goes to bed as I'm about to walk over there since he has to get up at 6am. Now these friends are the super fun friends! Always hard to leave once you get there. They are like crack to an addict, you just can't get enough. The conversation is always good and never boring. So at a time I will not say I find myself trying to carry a 50 pound seven year old in the house. If I really had secret cameras I would probably never drink again. I wake up way to early having to get Aidan to a soccer game and Blake to a referee job. I'm thinking why me, I know better. I need like ten hours of sleep, not five! Made for a long day but totally worth the misery.



I get all the running around with the kids done and I head to our new super close grocery store. I'm shopping for a while and I see this lady in the yogurt section reaching up to get yogurt. I shit you not more than half her ass is hanging out of her hot pink terry cloth daisy duke shorts. The store is crowded as can be and everyone is laughing and talking about her. I stand there for a while just to watch the reaction of people walking by. Now I have gotten every one of those Walmart people E-mails but this is the first time I have ever come face to face with someone that could be the poster girl for one. I find myself wanting to get a picture of her because no one is going to believe this when I tell them the story! It would be one thing if this 50 some thing women would have been hot but she had more dents than a golf ball. I can't get a picture because it is so crowded and I don't want anyone to see me acting like an asshole. This is a small town we live in and that kind of shit comes back to bite you in the ass. I go to the check out and I see her in line. I think perfect I will get behind her in line and get my picture. Not two seconds after I get there a lady comes up to me and Say's..."I'll take you over here" What am I supposed to say?????....No Thanks, I want a picture of this ladies ass because my friends aren't going to believe it. I go in the new line the whole time trying to see the reaction of people to this women. I go to the parking lot and think about waiting for her so I can get that picture. Then I talk myself off the crazy ledge and say WTH, is your problem.......GO HOME. I have already wasted about twenty minutes following her around the store.

Sunday I took the two little guys for their Halloween costumes. Aidan to my surprise wanted to be a killer penguin. Cole wants to be a gold skeleton. When we got home Aidan wanted to show every neighbor his killer penguin costume and even ride his motorcycle in it. Do you think some peeps are totally talking shit about me tonight???????? I could just hear someones dinner conversation. They would say did you see that crazy Halloween freaks kid riding around like a killer penguin.

I finally got MOST of the Halloween stuff out. This is the house during the day. It kind of looks like a junk yard during the day. At night the thing comes to life.

So Hubby watches football all day and I run the kids for Halloween costumes and put the finishing touches on the house! Not bitter at all! Let me just say yesterday was sweetest day I got Hubs his favorite beer and wine and a few cards. WHAT did I get ? NOTHING! Not bitter at all! I actually knew he would forget so I got him stuff to make him feel bad! My twisted sister is coming next week and I don't want any crap about what we do. Now he is guilty so he will leave me alone.

This is our house at night. I really hate it during the day but when you put all the lights on at night it looks pretty cool. A lot of kids in our hood are afraid to come to the door. Believe it or not I still have two bins of crap in the garage I just have lost motivation lately.

I'm on the phone with Mom...aka...Debbie Downer. I am telling her I just don't seem to have any energy lately, I don't know what my problem is. I tell her I think these people have stole my MO JO. What does she say???????.........I think you may be going through menopause! I remember menopause with her and I don't think my head has started spinning with green spew flying out my mouth yet. Out of respect I keep this thought to myself. Now I will just be crossing my fingers that she doesn't read this post. She only gets on here once in as while because she is not really computer savvy. Usually it is when she is here and she'll say pull up they blog for me. I can maneuver her to which entries are safe.

Every time Debbie comes to town she wants to get on my facebook page. We always end up in a tiff over it. She will want me to pull up some neighbor friend that we haven't lived by since I was in the eight grade. Then she will want me to pull up their pictures. She will say things like who is that with her???? I have no idea I haven't seen or talked to her in twenty six years. She wants to look at what everyone is posting. She will ask why did they post that??? I don't know maybe we should call them! I always get frustrated with her and we end up snapping at each other. Thank God she doesn't have her own page. Thinking of facebook right now it has become quite boring. Those people that used to post ridiculous crap about what they are doing are all gone. I was one of those people for a while too. It's really bad if your a stay at home Mom. Your bored sometimes it's almost like a cry for help! LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME! You want people to know you are still out there and not feel invisible.

Blake went with his friends to a haunted house on Saturday night. Hubby, the little guys, and I went to a BBQ. Blake got home before us (15 minutes) he called my phone three times in that 15 minutes to make sure we were on our way. I asked him if he was scared. He replied NO! We got home and he was sitting in the house with every single light on. I say he was scared, but I will never call him out on it. He has been bugging the crap out of me to let him go on this Colorado trip through the church. I have used it to my advantage and got him to do great on test and help around the house. I gave in on Sunday night and tell him I will drop off the deposit check on Monday. He wakes up Monday and tells me to make sure I drop the check off. Mondays and me never get along so I'm running behind. My phone rings and it is Blake from the bathroom at school. He tells me he does not want to go on the trip anymore. Now this kid has bugged me for weeks about this trip. I ask him what happened. He tells me nothing he just changed his mind. When he gets home I

tell him he can tell me if something happened to change his mind. He say's he just plain and simple changed it. I am sad today because it is clear that something happened to change his mind and for the first time he shut me out. Don't ask me why but I thought I would never go through this with him. Anyway the UNIVERSE is still on my ass and broke my garage door today! I just know I'm going to win the lotto to make up for all the broken shit lately! DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE????

Through the eyes of a child.

Since it was Blake's birthday this weekend he has some cash burning a hole in his pocket. He talks me in into taking him to the mall to buy some slides. Now slides are the latest thing for these teenagers. They wear black socks that come half way up their bottom leg with the open toe under armor sandals called slides. It you ask me they look the the old guys we always laughed at with socks and sandals which in my mind would send the fashion police right to your door. But what do I know right????? Blake had over heard a phone conversation I was having. I always think I am so smart talking in code but this teenager has got my number and he is cracking those codes. I was talking about the fact that Hubby wants it to much and I'm tired. Blake says to me while I'm driving why do you and Dad still do it??? I ask him what kind of a question is that???? He says...I'm just asking because I heard you on the phone talking about it. I tell him of course we do it because we are married....key word here are being "MARRIED". He tells me I can't believe you do that at your age. Then he reminds me that I am 40. I tell him people don't stop doing it because they are 40. He then tells me well geez Dad is even losing his hair. I don't know what that has to do with doing it but in his mind I guess it means we shouldn't. Then he tells me he thinks its a little freaky. I tell him I'm not talking about this with him anymore because I think that's a little freaky. Its funny how kids think of us as old as shit when we are 40. I remember thinking things like that as a kid as well. Just wait till he is 40, I'm sure he will have a change of heart. Lesson learned I must be much more careful while talking on the phone someone is listening!



We get to the mall to go to the finish line to get these slides. We pass one of those mall carts where they are selling those rubber bands in different shapes. They come in every shape you could imagine dogs, hearts, stars, birds, flowers, etc...etc. I don't know if you have seen what I'm talking about but these rubber bands are popping up everywhere. If you haven't seen them you will now notice they are at the checkout line in every store. The kids have these up and down their arms. I wish I would come up with some crazy idea like that. Who would have thought that something like colors shaped rubber bands would make millions!!!!! I am super jealous of people that come up with this crazy shit and make millions. I have a crazy thinking mind why can't I come up with something??? There is no cost in these things either. We walk in the finish line and I ask the guy where I can find slides. He tells me they are over there on the sales rack. Great, I love a sale. I don't see a markdown on any of these slides that are sitting on the clearance rack with a giant sign that says SALE above them. I figure they will ring the markdown at the register. I get up there and guess what they are selling at the counter????.....colored shaped rubber bands, just saying! The girl rings us up and the slides ring up at 29.99 which is full price. I tell her that is wrong because we got these from the sale rack. She tells me the register doesn't lie. I point to the sales rack where we got them and ask her if she could check with a manager. At this point Blake walks away because I am clearly embarrassing him. The manager walks over and I tell him the same thing. He tells me not everything is on sale over there. WHAT???? Then why is it on the clearance rack with a giant SALE sign above them????? He really just stares at me like I'm stupid and he could give a crap. I tell him I think that is very deceiving to the customer because not only is this slide not on sale but none of them are yet they are all in the clearance area. He says sorry and pretty much walks away. BTW, he is all of 22 managing this store. I want to argue more but I know damn well they don't pay this kid crap and he doesn't give a crap whether I buy these or not. Where the HELL did good customer service go????? The economy is bad I think they need to be nicer. I'm standing there kind of dumb founded and mad as Hell. All of the sudden it was like I was traveling back in time to 1986 . I find myself at the "Merry Go Round" counter at Woodfield mall with my Mom...aka Debbie Downer. I can still hear the sound of "Rock me Amadeus" playing on the radio. We had just spent a lot of time trying on "Jordache Jeans" we are checking out and the jeans are not ringing up at the sale price. My Mom is first arguing with the person behind the counter. Then she is arguing with the manager. Same damn thing where there is a big sale sign but they are really not on sale. I remember wanting to crawl under a rock. For one, the coolest people in the world worked at the Merry Go Round, these were the people I wanted to be like. I couldn't believe how awful she was acting, I remember rolling my eyes at the person she was arguing with as if to say she is the crazy one. I walked out of that store wanting to die. Then I argued with her all the way home. I'm now standing there not only eating my words but choking on them. I get it Mom, are you happy????? You were right, which is hard for me to say. I have become the one person I swore I would never be.....MY MOTHER. I buy the damn shoes and as we are walking out Blake is telling me how bad I embarrassed him. I tell him I get it but he too will get it someday. It still pisses me off that the manager could give a rats ass about my problem.


We get home and Cole is crying about something. Hubby says are you a cheerleader or a football player???? Which by the way I hate that saying. It is such a male chauvinistic saying. I think I would be happy if he were a cheerleader they are HAPPY. Blake then has to put his two cents in and tell Cole the same thing Hubby just said. I yell at Blake and tell him not to forget he is not Cole's parent and he has no right to get involved. I put the little guys to bed and they are afraid of the rain because it is pounding on their windows. I tell them they need their sleep and a little rain will not hurt them. I love to sleep in the rain it's my favorite thing to do. I go downstairs, I'm sitting on the back covered porch watching the rain talking to Blake about his upcoming football game. All the sudden I see these two little noises smashed up against the back door peeking out. Blake gets up opens the door and is like...NO, NO, get in bed! Really????? Why does he think he needs to take on the role of their parents??? I once again have to tell Blake I am the parent, I got this...Thank you very much. I now find myself blogging bedside with these two because I remember what it is like to be scared of something. Another interesting day with this teenager I now live with. I have a feeling I will always have something to blog about for a long while to come since he is the first of these teenagers I live with.