The house of Vomit!

So LOL. my Dad...aka.....the Grumpa was "the situation" for Halloween. I so wish we lived closer. He sent me pics on his phone of them going to their neighborhood party! Two hours late mind you because Mom....Aka.... Debbie Downer is an ass dragger. I happen too have gotten that ass dragging gene from her. So last night Hubby and I take it easy because Cole...aka...Drama, and Aidan...aka...the worry wort have games all day on Saturday. Blake...aka...?...spends the night at his second home. We go to bed at a decent hour. Four am Hubby wakes me up and says Blake is calling from his friends house he has puked all over and needs us to get him. Now this is the kid since he was two used to puke in the toilet in the middle of the night, go back to bed and tell us in the morning! Figures that he is at someones house and pukes all down their carpeted hallway! We tell him to go wake up the parents, he can't just leave the puke there. He is embarrassed and doesn't want to tell them. I send Hubby over there to get him and to clean up their hallway. Blake did wake his friend up to get the Mom. She was really nice about the thing and wouldn't let Hubby help clean it. If that were me I would have totally let him clean it up. I hate puke especially someones kid other than my own. As soon as Hubby gets home with him I get an immediate tummy ache. I don't know why but my mind will often mess with me when someone is sick in the house. I can't decide if I got it or if it is the evil part of my mind. I go to lay down in the room next to Blakes in case he needs me. He throws up every hour on the hour. Omg, the sound of it is enough to make me lose my cookies. I wake up at about nine to get Aidan to his soccer game. I can't get out of the germ infested house fast enough. I'm kind of picturing the house with a purple fog rolling through it and little green germ guys running around laughing like gremlins flipping me off as they run by. BTW, the picture you are about to see is Mom...aka...Debbie Downer dressed as Snookie.

After I drop Aidan off I have to run out to Cole's last football game. I stop to get some sprite for Blake. I walk in the house and it just smells like a sick house. I get out as fast as I can. All the way to Cole's game I start planning my sickness. Will it come today???? That would probably work out best for me. Will it come on Halloween???? That would be awful I have the best decorated house in the hood. I look forward to Halloween every year. Will it get me on Monday??? That is not good either because Blake has his last football game. I don't have time for this shit! I think maybe I will try reverse psychology with my mind. Here I am driving talking away to myself like some crazed women. I say to myself I don't care if I get this come and get me, just please don't let these people I live with have it on Halloween. My mind can't do it so I keep planning my sickness, I start to feel sick with worry. I start planning all the things I need to get done before I go down. I need to carve pumpkins, get the kids costumes ready, and do some laundry. I start wondering when will this stuff get me????? Will it come in the middle of the night and wake me up from a good sleep??? Will it get me mid day right as I am in the middle of something??? Will it get me in public??????


After Cole's game we all head back out to the soccer fields for Aidan's second game. I stop back by the house to check on Blake. There is a bucket of puke next to him by the sofa. Damn where am I going to sit tonight I feel like everything in this house is contaminated. I go to the bathroom and as I turn off the light switch I think I bet one of those nasty green guys was on there. I wish at this point I had one of those big ass jump suites that Doctors wear when someone has the plague. We get back from Aidan's game and I tell the little guys to go play out side and don't get anywhere near Blake. Of course they sit right down beside him and watch the Disney channel. So I come around the corner to see them like this. I stop and it's almost as if the future is playing in slow motion right before my eyes. I see Cole getting sick somewhere like my car. I see Aidan getting sick in the middle of the night so I have to get up and wash sheets. Would it be bad of me if I set up a tent with cots and plastic sheets in the driveway for them???? Just until we weather through this storm. Maybe I should just go get a hotel for a few days. I will leave them buckets, plastic sheets, and a cell phone. I decide to make some food for the next couple of days in case I get sick they will have something to pop in the oven.

Afraid to touch anything in the house I watch Blake move around the house infecting everything. Would it be bad to wrap him in plastic???? I will poke some holes so he can breath. I have to yell at Cole for something and he says....Mom your so dramatic. I say I'm your Mother you can't say things like that to me, you can only think them or tell your friends about them. What does he say?????......But your a dramatic Mother and walks away. I stand there pretty much dumb founded. I don't even know how to fight this kid I feel like my white flag is up! I GIVE UP!

I wake up Sunday morning I slept upstairs to be close to Blake. I'm laying there thinking I made it through the night. As I'm laying there I'm thinking did Hubby come in and say he's got it or did I dream that???? I did't dream it, another one bites the dust! So anyway I'm preparing the house for the plague and I'm waiting too up chuck. I wish I was a dude, I bet all this crazy does occupy their minds.

Suspect!

Second day on the job. I break for lunch around 2pm. Since I work down the street I come home for a quick bite and some TV. As I'm pulling in the drive these skeletons catch my eye. Someone has blown up pictures of Hubby and my face and placed them on the skeletons. I can't stop laughing but I want to know who the HELL did it! I'm the only one who is supposed to come up with clever ideas like this. The nice thing is this person picked a picture of us in our twenties. If they were smart they would have blown up a recent picture of us. Now that would have scared the Hell out of people, myself included.

BTW, I want my picture back! Aidan comes home from school and sees this. He wants to take the faces off the skeletons. I ask why and he tells me it's creepy. I tell him he should start eating better, otherwise he will look like this!

Hubby has his flock of seagulls hair in this picture. This is just disturbing. My mind can't help but think he looks like the poster child for anorexia. No offence to any of you anorexics out there.

I go back to work and pull out this college of the suspects. It's got to be one of these drunk asses from the Halloween party. I narrow down my list to the two that I really think did it.

Jesse, is my number one suspect. She can get a little crazy at times. I text her right away to tell her I know what she did and her ass is grass. I find it funny that she called me today to see if I was at work. This is totally something she would do. She also just happened to be laughing at that flock of seagulls picture on my fridge last Saturday. On my 40th she showed up with a beer with my my face on it. My mind is going crazy with things I can do to get her back. I have some great pictures of her in my vault of blackmail. She calls me to find out why her ass is grass. Now Jesse is not a great liar so I half believe that she is not responsible. I'm still not totally convinced though. Would all these little clues just be coincidence?????

I move on to the number two suspects. Now these two are a bit like Bonnie and Clyde. They can be a little sneaky and they love a good prank. They share my same sick sense of humor. I could just see them sitting around last night knocking back a cold one planning my demise. All the sudden I get a text from Maryann. I text her back and ask her if she de-faced my graveyard. Her response....HUH????? What happened to it! Playing stupid I see. SUSPICIOUS! Now this one would never crack under pressure so I have to play my game right. I text her a little while later and say.......The German busted you. Another HUH????? Now the German is my crazy neighbor that has cameras on our yard. I text her back and say his camera got her and he is telling people about it. This doesn't get her. I'm still really thinking the only ones it could be is Jesse or Gilligan and Maryann. I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

I get home from work that night. I'm watching funniest home videos with my kids. BTW, if I was computer savvy I could totally win the jackpot on that show. I have great videos but can never load them right. So anyway, Cole says....did you see what Jen Beck did to your skeletons????? What???? I say! Then I ask how do you know that Jen did that to my skeletons????? He said she did it this morning when she picked me up for school. Great idea Jen, but never do the crime in front of the mouth of the South.

I should have known it was her. This is the same girl who put 40th birthday signs all over my yard. She really blew my cover on that one. All my other neighbors didn't think I looked a day over 39+1! So I know it's lame but I changed her facebook pofile picture to this. Usually I'm much more clever with my paybacks. I worked all day and I'm too tired to think.

If I wasn't so tired and didn't have to run kids all over God's green earth tomorrow I would knock a few back and really get her back. This fight ain't over Jen!

I got the shaft.

Wednesday morning I wake up to find this. Aidan had a fever all night and the best dog ever totally took care of him. Some people say dogs take sickness away from the people they love in this case Aidan who went to bed with 103 temp woke up just fine. I love this dog!

Ella was ready to go! Twisted sister and I who are total ass draggers finally are ready to go at about noon.

While twisted sister was in the shower I took Ella outside. Since I am the queen of Halloween my house is decked out. She walked past the witch and the butler just fine but when it came time to go in she was a little more reserved.

Even though Aidan's fever had broke I kept him home from school. After shopping for wigs for our Halloween costumes we went to lunch.

Did I ever tell you I have the best dog ever????? Love this guy.

WTF, put the same pic up Sorry!

We get home from lunch, the Halloween store, and Target. I hate Target BTW! Why the hell can you not go there for under 100 dollars????? Aidan has Ella try on his Halloween mask. I see therapy in the future, just saying!

Aidan is showing Ella stuff on twisted sisters Iphone. Amazing that a seven year old can work an Iphone.

Hubby takes Cole to football and I run Aidan to soccer. Twisted sister is in charge of Blake. What does Blake do????? He wants some chicken nuggets. He reads the directions for the oven and puts them in the microwave. Needless to say he pretty much started a fire in the microwave. Thing still smells like shit! Good job twisted sister.

While at Target Aidan picked out this costume for the best dog ever. I love this picture, kind of looks like the little guy on his back is stabbing him and he is saying OUCHHHHH!


So today I woke up and the kids had their everyday fight over who's waffle had more butter. I get them out the door but today I can not go back to sleep. I have to go to my training for my new job. Guess the Universe has not heard my request for the EASY button. After training I have a little more time before I have to pick up the kids. I run to the new Home Goods store they just put in. I walk in and it's almost as if I can here the Ark Angels singing! I love this place. I'm thinking I should have got a job here. I could have walked out with thousands of dollars of useless crap but I just walked out with a ten dollar teapot. Damn it Universe I want unlimited funds! I pick the kids up and we head to Hubby's furniture store. After looking at all the stuff I would like the Universe to drop in my lap we head to Cost Co. Now yesterday I was having a guilty day about not being the Mother I would want. Today after my kids complained about not being able to buy 50 dollar Lego sets at Cost Co for no reason I'm thinking I got the shaft on kids! Cole is arguing with me that I am buying everything I want but I won't buy him the Lego set. I step back totally wanting to put some big ass duct tape over his mouth. I tell him to look in the cart. What do you see?????? Well hello there is some juice packs for you, there is some yogurts for you, there is some food for you, and there are some batteries for all you damn game systems controllers! Seriously what the hell do you see for me?????? I want to yell you take all my money plus all my time! This kid does not get how many cute clothes and boots I could have if I didn't have to feed him. Still really thinking I got the shaft on these kids! Hey Universe please drop a nanny and 80 million dollars in my lap! It would make me a whole lot better of a person.

Anywho, great pic of Aidan last week putting Ella to bed! WE MISS ELLA!

Twisted Sister and my sweet niece come to town

Twisted sister and baby Ella...aka the bird come to town late Tuesday night. I'm writing this blog late Tuesday night thinking I can't believe their trip I waited so long for has come and gone. Ella was all about me that is until she saw Blake...aka...beak, as she calls him.

Wednesday we head to the Rooster school to have lunch with Cole and Aidan. Cole is happy to see us. When Aidan comes in for lunch he is kind of out of it. He tells me his brain hurts. I think he is trying to pull one over one me so he can come home and hang with Ella. I tell him to suck it up. Kelly and I leave to go to lunch, God forbid we eat that crap they call food at the school. Nothing is close out here so we drive about 20 minutes to our favorite restaurant, the satalight cafe. Just as we are pulling in the parking lot my phone rings. It is the school nurse, she tells me Aidan has a 103 temp and I need to pick him up. All the way back to the school all I can think is damn it's their first day here and I hope we all don't end up with this crap. Great Mom, I know you think I would be worried about the fact that my baby is so sick. I get to the school and the girl behind the desk tells me I need to go to the nurse because Aidan can't walk. Now I start to panic a little. When I get back there he is laying on a bed with cold rags on his head and his neck. I'm feeling like a real ass about now. In my defence this kid has pulled the cry for wolf card on me before and he was not at all sick.

That night we get pizza for dinner. The boys are so happy Ella is here.

Sick baby lays on the couch the entire night. I'm watching TV at about midnight because that's how I roll and Aidan wakes up and asks me if the world is going to end in 2012. I ask him where did he here this????? He tells me someone at school told him and they even made a movie about it. I tell him no one really knows when the world will end except God. He says.....why would God end the world that he made. I'm thinking because we have all turned into narcissistic assholes but I don't think that answer will go over too well with this worry wort. I tell him not to worry about it because it will not happen in his life time. He tells me he does not want to die and he does not want anyone he knows to die. This is a pretty big burden for such a little guy to carry. How do you even begin to explain your way out of this one.

Finally I have got the stuff to boo some people. We got booed three times and I have dragged my feet about returning the gesture. The kids get in the car to boo and Cole and Blake are fighting about the front seat. I'm trying to referee as usual. I lose my patience and start to yell. Blake has the nerve to tell me I ruin everything fun because I always end up yelling. Are you kidding me kid???? They ruin everything fun because they fight about everything! I would not have to yell if they didn't fight about everything. They want to boo this guy who has a Michael Meyers guy in front of his house. I park the car down the street and tell them to go. A few minutes later they return with the boo gift. I ask what happened???? They tell me they are scared of Michael. I tell them to suck it up and go ring the bell and run. They come back a second time with the box of candy out of the boo. I ask them why they have the candy???? They tell me it looked good and they wanted to keep it. See what I mean about narcissistic assholes! We go to boo our second family and they are all in front of the house. Needless to say we still need to boo them.

Blake who lately proved he is about as smart as a rock gets his knee stuck in the stairs. Don't ask me what he was doing putting it in there in the first place. Twisted sister and I pry it out for him.

I woke up this Tuesday morning got the kids all ready for school and shoved them out the door. That is of course after they had their normal morning fight over who's waffle had more butter on it! I wish that was the worst of my worries. I go back to bed as I normally do. Wake up at my standard ten am. I go to check my E-mail and I'm feeling slightly off. I'm kind of filled with anxiety and I don't know why. I start to panic slightly because that's what I do being raised by Debbie Downer. I start thinking what if something is wrong with me???? My mind totally goes to the dark side. This is the thing about being a stay at home Mom you have why too much time to think about the "what if". I talk myself off the ledge and then I am overwhelmed by all the stuff I need to do. It is hard enough to keep up with the getting kids ready and fed, keeping up with laundry, dishes, homework, and practices. I have lost my Mo Jo lately and I don't know why. I have a bottle of Zoloft sitting in the cabinet that my Doc gave me when I explained this to him two months ago. I have yet to take it. I don't know why but pills freak me out. I really think I might need them but I hate that everything you take comes with a long list of side effects. I make it through the day. I think women carry this guilt thing. I feel guilty all the time when I don't do what I plan. I feel guilty about not being the greatest Mom or raising perfect children. Guilty, guilty, guilty, that's how I feel. I have guilt about not doing something great with my life. Anyway I was talking to Debbie on the phone tonight. We were talking about someone who is sick a lot. She says...I wonder if he has aids. I'm a little taken back. I laugh and say are you serious????? She says well it does make you have a weak immune system. But really are you serious????? No wonder I'm so messed up! Anyway still here in LaLa land with these people I live with! Btw, if you read this I have a vote for me on side for a Mom blog, please vote I would really like to win something!

Are you ready for some football.

Hubby is on the chain gang for the Monday night football game. This is great for him because he gets to be out on the field.

Blake has his best game of the season. I'm so happy for him. His name was announced over the loud speaker several times. Woot Woot.....proud Mom here. He is number 81 when your checking out pictures.

This is him making a great tackle. The boys haven't won their last few games so it's nice to see them playing so well.

He blocks the guy from catching this ball and the crowd goes wild. His name is once again mentioned.

Always nice to win when your on your own field. Great game.

He looks pretty proud. I love when I see my kids so happy even if they make me miserable half the time.

Blake even had a super cute fan at his game.

This even though this is not my kid it would be my money shot for the game.

I have spent the last two days cleaning the house and getting ready for my twisted sister and pirate girl to come for a visit. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.

I picked up the little guys from school today. After they were home for a bit I got into a fight with Cole. He started yelling at me. I tell him he will not yell at me that way. What does he say....You only have yourself to blame for this, you taught me how to yell. I can't believe what I am hearing. I tell him when do I yell at you Cole???? I yell after I have asked you to do something or not do something several times. He tells me I am the WORST Mom ever and he needs to move out. Good get your little smart ass out of here is what I'd love to say. The fight continues and every part of me wants to drop to his level and start telling him all the things that bug me about him. What I do is not let him go the football practice. The kids LOVES football so this is killing him. I send him to his room and listen to him yelling that he has the worst Mom ever. I'm at the computer and I'm at my breaking point. I just sit there and cry for a little bit. I really don't know why he does this. No one else does it. Where did I go wrong with him. All of his coaches and teachers always tell me how wonderful he is. I am the only one he treats this way. I think he needs and old school ass kicking. Or maybe I should drop his ass off with some crazy mean Mom for a few days. After a while he comes down and asks me if he could have a hug. I give him a hug and try to explain to him that it is very disrespectful to talk to me this way. He ruins the whole hug thing when he tells me I need to be more respectful of him. What can I say except he is a work in progress.

Since I am the queen of Halloween we have been booed three times. This is where a secret person leaves you a Halloween treat on your door. The next night you are supposed to BOO two other people. Since I am pretty much behind on life these days I have yet too Boo anyone. I tell Aidan I'm going to get our Boo treats tomorrow so to think about who he wants too Boo. He cracks me up when he says....um how bout some RANDOMS.

Twisted sister is flying in tonight so this will probably be my last post for a few days. Hopefully these people and the Universe will lay off of me while she is here. I do have to throw her ass under the bus real quick. I borrowed a car seat from my neighbor. I'm telling her I got it. She says did he install it. I say No, we are going too. She pauses and then says OHHHHH in one of those long drawn out Ohhhh's. What???I ask. Well she says they make these alittle different and they are hard to put in! Hello Twisted sister these have always been a bitch to get in....I think we got! All in fun Twisted sister.


I don't usually post recipes but I'm posting one. I can't believe how my kids eat the crap out of it.
Bacon Spaghetti

Saute two white onions in olive oil cut into thin strips

Add four cans of dices tomatoes the ones with basil, oregano, and garlic

Cook a package of bacon and crumble it and add to your mix.

Boil the thin spaghetti noodles rinse and add your sauce

I can't believe I just added a recipe to my blog....that is so unlike my blog. Totally worth making!
Great re heated too. I guess you could wrap a shit in bacon and it would probably taste good.

I am the queen of Halloween!

Crazy busy weekend as usual. Friday night we went to our neighbors for dinner. Aidan was at my other neighbors house so after throwing a few back at one neighbors house I walk over to the others to get Aidan. I plan to have a cold one and get home at a decent hour. Hubby goes to bed as I'm about to walk over there since he has to get up at 6am. Now these friends are the super fun friends! Always hard to leave once you get there. They are like crack to an addict, you just can't get enough. The conversation is always good and never boring. So at a time I will not say I find myself trying to carry a 50 pound seven year old in the house. If I really had secret cameras I would probably never drink again. I wake up way to early having to get Aidan to a soccer game and Blake to a referee job. I'm thinking why me, I know better. I need like ten hours of sleep, not five! Made for a long day but totally worth the misery.



I get all the running around with the kids done and I head to our new super close grocery store. I'm shopping for a while and I see this lady in the yogurt section reaching up to get yogurt. I shit you not more than half her ass is hanging out of her hot pink terry cloth daisy duke shorts. The store is crowded as can be and everyone is laughing and talking about her. I stand there for a while just to watch the reaction of people walking by. Now I have gotten every one of those Walmart people E-mails but this is the first time I have ever come face to face with someone that could be the poster girl for one. I find myself wanting to get a picture of her because no one is going to believe this when I tell them the story! It would be one thing if this 50 some thing women would have been hot but she had more dents than a golf ball. I can't get a picture because it is so crowded and I don't want anyone to see me acting like an asshole. This is a small town we live in and that kind of shit comes back to bite you in the ass. I go to the check out and I see her in line. I think perfect I will get behind her in line and get my picture. Not two seconds after I get there a lady comes up to me and Say's..."I'll take you over here" What am I supposed to say?????....No Thanks, I want a picture of this ladies ass because my friends aren't going to believe it. I go in the new line the whole time trying to see the reaction of people to this women. I go to the parking lot and think about waiting for her so I can get that picture. Then I talk myself off the crazy ledge and say WTH, is your problem.......GO HOME. I have already wasted about twenty minutes following her around the store.

Sunday I took the two little guys for their Halloween costumes. Aidan to my surprise wanted to be a killer penguin. Cole wants to be a gold skeleton. When we got home Aidan wanted to show every neighbor his killer penguin costume and even ride his motorcycle in it. Do you think some peeps are totally talking shit about me tonight???????? I could just hear someones dinner conversation. They would say did you see that crazy Halloween freaks kid riding around like a killer penguin.

I finally got MOST of the Halloween stuff out. This is the house during the day. It kind of looks like a junk yard during the day. At night the thing comes to life.

So Hubby watches football all day and I run the kids for Halloween costumes and put the finishing touches on the house! Not bitter at all! Let me just say yesterday was sweetest day I got Hubs his favorite beer and wine and a few cards. WHAT did I get ? NOTHING! Not bitter at all! I actually knew he would forget so I got him stuff to make him feel bad! My twisted sister is coming next week and I don't want any crap about what we do. Now he is guilty so he will leave me alone.

This is our house at night. I really hate it during the day but when you put all the lights on at night it looks pretty cool. A lot of kids in our hood are afraid to come to the door. Believe it or not I still have two bins of crap in the garage I just have lost motivation lately.

I'm on the phone with Mom...aka...Debbie Downer. I am telling her I just don't seem to have any energy lately, I don't know what my problem is. I tell her I think these people have stole my MO JO. What does she say???????.........I think you may be going through menopause! I remember menopause with her and I don't think my head has started spinning with green spew flying out my mouth yet. Out of respect I keep this thought to myself. Now I will just be crossing my fingers that she doesn't read this post. She only gets on here once in as while because she is not really computer savvy. Usually it is when she is here and she'll say pull up they blog for me. I can maneuver her to which entries are safe.

Every time Debbie comes to town she wants to get on my facebook page. We always end up in a tiff over it. She will want me to pull up some neighbor friend that we haven't lived by since I was in the eight grade. Then she will want me to pull up their pictures. She will say things like who is that with her???? I have no idea I haven't seen or talked to her in twenty six years. She wants to look at what everyone is posting. She will ask why did they post that??? I don't know maybe we should call them! I always get frustrated with her and we end up snapping at each other. Thank God she doesn't have her own page. Thinking of facebook right now it has become quite boring. Those people that used to post ridiculous crap about what they are doing are all gone. I was one of those people for a while too. It's really bad if your a stay at home Mom. Your bored sometimes it's almost like a cry for help! LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME! You want people to know you are still out there and not feel invisible.

Blake went with his friends to a haunted house on Saturday night. Hubby, the little guys, and I went to a BBQ. Blake got home before us (15 minutes) he called my phone three times in that 15 minutes to make sure we were on our way. I asked him if he was scared. He replied NO! We got home and he was sitting in the house with every single light on. I say he was scared, but I will never call him out on it. He has been bugging the crap out of me to let him go on this Colorado trip through the church. I have used it to my advantage and got him to do great on test and help around the house. I gave in on Sunday night and tell him I will drop off the deposit check on Monday. He wakes up Monday and tells me to make sure I drop the check off. Mondays and me never get along so I'm running behind. My phone rings and it is Blake from the bathroom at school. He tells me he does not want to go on the trip anymore. Now this kid has bugged me for weeks about this trip. I ask him what happened. He tells me nothing he just changed his mind. When he gets home I

tell him he can tell me if something happened to change his mind. He say's he just plain and simple changed it. I am sad today because it is clear that something happened to change his mind and for the first time he shut me out. Don't ask me why but I thought I would never go through this with him. Anyway the UNIVERSE is still on my ass and broke my garage door today! I just know I'm going to win the lotto to make up for all the broken shit lately! DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE????

Thank you, Universe!

I woke up this am and to my surprise the Universe came through for me. The vamp was laying in bed next to me not wanting a piece just wanting to cuddle and talk. The night cream I cake on my face every night before bed had wiped those crows right out, just like it promises too. My hair that has been falling out from these people was thick again. I looked like I am 25 again. The bags under my eyes had disappeared. That unwanted belly fat had mysteriously disappeared. Those size "A" boobs I have grown on my back were gone. I ran into my closet and those skinny jeans went over my hips with ease. Then the doorbell rang it was publishers clearing house standing there with balloons and my million dollar check. I felt rich and refreshed! I looked around my house and it was clean and all the closets and drawers were organized. Nat Berkus had redecorated my whole house, then he told me I had changed his mind about being gay. Oprah was on my sofa just wanting to shoot the shit. Ellen was dancing around my livingroom. Dr Oz was here to tell me I was the picture of health. OMG, I realize I was the one who created facebook and was a muti billionare! Then that damn Dr. Phil had to show up and tell me to get real! Where is Debbie to see this shitz??? A girl can dream right????? In actuality I woke up to dumb and dumber fighting over who's waffle had more butter on it. So I finally kicked their ass out the door and went back to bed.



Later that morning I woke up to "the view" showing their asses on TV. I got ready and headed to the middle school for a little volunteer time. When I got to the middle school there were two cop cars in front of it. The cars were running but there were no cops in them. As I was walking by I thought to myself gee it would be fun to hop in one and take it for a joy ride. I don't know why I have these crazy thoughts but I do. I spend about two hours in there entering a survey that the kids did about the counselors. I was sad to see that one kid wrote....Please stop the kids from calling me fat, it hurts! Kids are jerks, adults are too but at least we have learned to talk behind people's backs instead of too their faces.



I get home in time to pick up my two favorite little boys from school. Aidan has soccer practice and Cole has football practice at the same time. Hubby takes Aidan and I take Cole. I have to drop and run with Cole. I need to get to the middle school to pick up Blake from football feed him and get him back there for his choir concert. I drop him back off at his concert and head back out to pick up Cole. Damn I hope these kids are rich and famous someday and buy me a convertible Mercedes with a little plastic surgery so I don't look like an old ass driving it. They owe me, all I do is drive them around so they can be in everything they want. After I get Cole we head back to the middle school so we can catch the choir concert. Poor Blake we didn't try on his choir uniform till last night. I guess he has grown some since last year since he is standing up there with floods on. I don't know if the other parents feel this way but I am looking at the program trying to figure out how long this is going to take. The first song is cute but then it gets just plain boring. Sometimes I feel like I am a ten year old trapped in a forty year old body. I am sitting there and instead of watching my kid sing, which btw, for the longest time I was looking at the wrong kid thinking he was mine(I SEE GLASSES IN MY FUTURE) I was sizing up the people sitting around me. There was a couple in front of me and he was rubbing her back the whole time. I found myself wondering if this was a second or third marriage. There was a women sitting down from me that clearly had her hey day in the 80's because she was stuck there. A Dad a few rows up was looking around the whole time as if he was on the prowl for a new wife. Cole my baby was standing up trying to sing with the choir and wave to all the middle school kids who were ignoring him. Finally this shitz is over, thank God we can go home.







We are driving home and they just put a "What a Burger" in our small little town with little fast food. There is a line around the building to get in. Plus the inside is packed. I want to yell out the window get a life it's a Burger joint. Who would wait more than five minutes for a burger? I really think it should be called "What the F!@# Burger" God knows what crap they scrap up off the floors while making those things. Sorry just a little bitter that the heart center said no more burgers! I have to take out my frustration somewhere. To tell you the truth I would LOVE a "What a Burger" bout now. Sorry no pictures with this post...Camera girl needs a happy motivating pill. I think these people finally stole my MO JO! Looking foward to my twisted sister coming next week with my sweet niece.

Hello Universe, it's me and I'm not going to take it!

I am Kerry...aka...The Queen of Halloween. Every year I have the best decorated house in the hood. This year I have zero motivation to get this shitz out. I wish someone would invent a happy, motivating pill for me. I would love to go to bed and wake up and everything is done for me. I think back to my childhood to that story of the shoe maker when he went to bed all the shoes were made by elf's for him! Easy way out I know, in true life there are no elves to make this happen. So in my true Halloween character I get this shitz out, mostly because these people I live won't get off my ass.

The two little guys love setting all this up. Blake not so much. Last year I set up the yard in my witch hat. Blake's bus comes right past our house. I was setting up in the witch hat when the bus went by. Now the kids and the bus driver love my yard and she throws me a thumbs up while driving by. Blake is coming down the street and comes up to me and says....Mom did you really have to be out her in your witch hat???....It's soooo embarrassing. I tell him I'm your Mom and I take pride in embarrassing you! If I were a kid I would think it was cool to have the best Halloween yard. I don't know what his problem is.

Even though the little guys love to help, they have no idea how to set this stuff up so it looks good. I let them do what they want and then I go behind them and change it! I am the queen, not them.

I surprise the kids and pick up some pumpkin's at HEB. Of course they want to cut right into them even though they will be rotten by Halloween if we do that.

Being the queen of Halloween, I can't wait either. We could always get more. HEB sells them for only four bucks. I learned quickly don't buy pumpkins at the patch they are way cheaper at the local grocery store.

Cole of course wants the love of his life to come over and help him. I'm really pulling for them even if they are nine since I love her parents. We would make great in laws.

Aidan wants a knife hanging out of his pumpkins head. I see therapy in his future.

He tried and he failed, miserably! Last year my twisted sister did some crazy ass pumpkins from a kit that had a sun and wolves. Cole remembered this and was trying to copy it. I think it looks like a pumpkin that got shot in the head.

What can I say A for effort????? Not really but don't tell Cole that.

Blake comes home and wants to carve his pumpkin. I am really pumpkined out at this point. I just want to watch modern family and be left alone. He carves it on his own, he did a great job. I ask him for a picture. He does NOT want to take one. I tell him I have a picture every year of his life with his pumpkin. He tells me he will take one but he does not want me to put it on facebook. I agree but don't agree not to put it on the blog. Now they really don't exactly know about the blog this is for them when they are age appropriate with their own kids.

Hubby comes home from work and I ask him to help me with the final touches to the yard. The wiring that is, I can't wire all this crap without blowing a fuse. He tells me the shower door is not working right and he is going to fix that first. He spends a lot of time cleaning the crap out of it in the garage because he is a very anal clean freak. I'm on the computer in the front of the house since Blakey baby fried my lap top last week. Hubby comes in and says's...I can use your help. I ask him with what???? He tells me to come in the bathroom. I tell him let me finish up on here. I also ask him to tell me what he needs help with. He tells me just come in the bathroom when I am done. I take me time and then I start washing a window to hang a Halloween decoration. While I am washing I hear this noise coming from the bathroom that I can't make out. I go in there to find Hubby cleaning up a huge mess of glass everywhere. WTH, UNIVERSE we are at way more than three things going wrong! Hubby just looks at me and laughs. I'm not really laughing at this point. I have not asked the UNIVERSE what's next lately. I think the universe and me are at odds for some reason. I have to run to Drippin to pick up Blake so I get out of cleanup thank God.

My friend Ashley is coming by to pick up Cole's love. I call her from the car and tell her when she picks up Brooke to go in my bathroom. She knows all the crap that has gone wrong lately. She calls me and says......You need to get to church quick. YOU THINK???? I don't know who I pissed off but for God sakes UNIVERSE pick on someone else! I get back home just in time for Hubby to have cleaned it all up!

Earlier today I had a follow up phone call from Berkley heart center. Now I had this crazy test since my Dad....aka....Grumpa had a heart attack and my Aunt....ake...Debbie Downers, downer sister had one at 39. It's crazy what they can see from this test. I recommend it whole heartily! The lady on the phone tells me my body does not digest fat well. This is a gene I got from Grumpa or Debbie. Now damn I am thinking to myself this is bullshit. I want that gene that my Mom seems to carry for perfect skin. She in her hay day sunned like a rock star and smoked like a champ. She is in her sixies now and has less crows feet that I have! She doesn't have a wrinkle on her forhead, is it so much to ask to inherate that gene??? Universe are you listening??? I need to go on a very low fat diet even the good fats. As I am talking to her I am making a super high in fat dinner. She also tells me alcohol is a devil for me it will increase my cholesterol and blood pressure. Hello women I am Irish catholic we drink beer! I need a tottie now and then to get through the day of living with these people. I LOVE fat foods! I don't have a sweet tooth but I defiantly have a fat one. I am telling the women all this and she does not seem to get my humor in it! This news to me is not fun! I hate getting old and having to manage health crap! I really love the "ignorance is bliss" thing. I'm writing this blog on a night when I don't normally have a beer but I want one because this lady said I can't have one! I also have that bad habit of wanting things I am told I can't have. I don't know if it's because I want to prove I can or what! BULLSHIT I say! Hey UNIVERSE what I want from you is happines, good health, super wealth, and great genes! DO YOU HEAR ME?????