Will this ever end???

I feel like we should have a boom box in front of the house that repeats DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON. I can't believe this funk of the stomach bug is still running my house. When will it end. I'm beginning to feel like a trapped rat. Does this funk know that all the Halloween stuff is on sale in the stores??? I'm totally missing out. I did get all my Halloween decorations put up today. The witch and the warlock scared the shit out of me more than once. They were placed in the entry way waiting for Hub's to get home and take them to the attic. I may have screamed the first time I caught them out of the corner of my eye. Bet I looked like a real asshole.

While cleaning up the decorations we place the GIANT spider over sleeping sick Aidy. We are a little on the evil side in this house sometimes. We wait a few minutes to see what his reaction will be.

We give Aidan a little tickle on the cheek and run away. We are hoping to get a funny reaction when he wakes up to discover the spider. Not so much, he just looks at it and goes back to sleep. I kind of feel guilty when he wakes up ten minutes later to up chuck in the bucket. After he is done up chucking Cole walks over and is looking in the bucket. I ask......... why would you want to look at that?????? His response.........I want to see what he ate today. Seriously????? That must be a total boy thing!

Blake has turned into that kid I have to tell to do things ten times. When did this happen???? I'm feeling like such a failure lately. Somewhere I have gone terribly wrong raising these people. This is not a cry for help people, just a little vent! I wouldn't dare do or say the things that my kids do and say to my parents. When I was a kid when it was time to go to bed you went to bed. You didn't dare say "not yet" or come down ten times asking for stuff. I wouldn't dare tell my Mom or Dad NO, at least not till high school. Geez, I just scared myself with the thought of them in high school. I see a padded room in my future. If you didn't like the taste of your dinner you ate it anyway. I only thought in my head I had the worst Mother ever. I never voiced that opinion to her face. It's to bad it is no longer legal to kick their asses. Maybe that's the problem with kids these days! I may just need to pull out a can of whoop ass on them.

Because Cole has missed two days of school he has even more homework than usual. Doing homework with this particular child is the equivalent to having the life sucked out of you. We always end up in a fight. I don't know if other parents feel this way or if I am just an asshole that shouldn't be a parent. I have actually been brought too tears doing homework with him. I'm not proud but I have lost my temper on more than one occasion as well. It shouldn't be this hard! Hell these kids are in school for seven hours already. We have too find time for fighting over homework in between playing, having a snack, practices, dinner, showers, and sometimes TV. I would love to take the easy way out and hire some college kid to come over and do homework with my kids. Since I don't have unlimited funds YET that just ain't going to happen. During homework some threats usually get exchanged. Hub's and I sometimes end up in fights over doing homework with the kids. I usually have to sit with Cole the whole time. He fidgets, talks to himself, sings, looks around, pets the dog, yells "I don't get this", and pretty much drives me to the brink of insanity. I sound like a total lazy ass about now! It's just not my favorite part of the day.

I can't believe this bug is still going strong. Poor baby! Though I have been nursing kids back to health since Friday now. I'm not one of those crazed Mom's that say I want to take this sickness from you. Don't get me wrong I'm sad that they got it and I feel real bad for them. But good God I don't want this shitz! How old do they got to be before you could send them to the room to be sick alone and take take of themselves?????? Please God I really would like this one to pass me by!

A few re-caps of my day. Not yet getting the flu I found myself singing that Elton John song "I'm still standing" in my head. I find that facebook has become pretty boring. What happened to all the crazy up dates people used to post???? Though I did see one funny thing where someone posted they were single and their x hit the "like" button. He then posted a bunch of break up songs. Though I am sad for the break-up that was just a little amusing. I learned never comment on a middle school girls post. You will in turn get 50 E-mails of all her friends comments. Most important I learned just when you think you are an invisible housewife someone has come across one of your blog postings and it is quite embarrassing. This makes me want to go back to my original idea of having a ghost blog instead of airing my dirty laundry with my real name attached to it. This shitz can get you in trouble. I ended my night by watching my favorite show Modern Family and then watched Robin Williams interview Country music stars. What I realize is I really want to be a singer I wish I could sing!

Halloween is finally here

Halloween day I get the pumpkins carved and I cook all day. Just in case this plague that Blake has brought in the house takes me down. My overactive mind gets the best of me a few times and I think I have it. I pass by a mirror and I do an eye check too make sure they are not getting that glazed look. I check my temperature every hour on the hour. Thus far this craziness is just in my head and I am fine. I still can't help but picture the house with a purple fog rolling through it or a smoke monster like in lost. It just seems so contaminated. I'm still picturing germs on every surface that resemble green gremlins laughing obnoxiously at me. The hand sanitizer has become my new best friend. As I am preparing the house for Halloween night I am making deals with God. Please God give me a get out of jail free card on this one. I have been good lately and I promise I will try to be nicer to these people I live with. The good thing is Blake seems to be back too normal. The little guys are running around playing and seem fine too.

My Mother in law and sister in law, Lindsey are flying in from Dallas. Yes, of course I warned them they will be arriving at the house of vomit. Blake's last football game is Monday night. They don't want to miss it. If I could have I would have greeted them with some nice gas masks at the door. I would have had them suit up before entering the house of vomit. Since we don't have any gas masks laying around they are shit out of luck.

Hubby takes the little guys out trick or treating. Blake of course is way to cool to go with them now. I don't blame him on this one. He goes off with his friends. The women stay back to tend to the trick or treaters.

Here is our annual Halloween shot in front of our graveyard. We have our killer penguin, our gold skeleton, and our super cool dog. Notice my too cool for words oldest is not in the picture. This is the first year I do not have a picture of him on Halloween. It's a sad day here in Halloween town.

Since I'm the queen of Halloween in these parts. I have a huge ass line waiting to get to my door. One of my neighbors comes by to let me know I may not be queen in this hood anymore. What the Hell?????? Someone is giving me a run for the money. What do I do???? Well, of course I go check out my competition. I pull up and I can not believe my eyes. They not only gave me a run for the money they flat ass blew my ass out of the water. Frickin fog machines everywhere, crazy sound effects, moving coffins and ghouls, the rock star lighting, and crazy singing pumpkins. This shitz looks like a Hollywood movie set. I'm am now not green with that plague coming for me. I am green with jealousy. I need to step up my game.

The kids are getting ready for bed that night. Cole tells me his stomach hurts. My Mother is law being VERY optimistic at this point and thinks he ate too much candy. Lindsey are I are down stairs shooting the shit. All of the sudden we hear something coming from upstairs. We look at each other and run up the stairs. That song "another one bites the dust" is playing over and over in my head like a broken record. Cole is bent over the bucket that I thank God left next to his bed.

I get Cole situated on the sofa down stairs. Cold rag on head and bucket ready to go. I know it's going to be another long night for me. I get myself situated on the ottoman across from him. He wakes up every hour on the hour to barf in the bucket. Between up chucks he is giving me a play by play of what's coming up. He tells me there's the mac and cheese I ate last night. Then he pukes again. Next he tells me there's the meat loaf you cooked me. Pukes again. Next he is telling me he thinks he is just barfing up candy. Holy Shitz kid have you ever heard of TMI?????

Monday am Cole is down for the count. I get Aidan and Blake up and ready for school. 11:15 I am up at the school picking up Aidan who is complaining of stomach pain. Mind you I look like a half dead walking zombie when I pick him up. I have been up all night. He gets home and I realized this kid is a faker. He is playing around and eating candy. This kid is not sick at all. MiMi has a talk with him about the fact that it is not good to be a faker. He comes down to tell me he is sorry.

Since I am waiting for my turn with the plague I am carefully thinking out my food selections. I'm thinking I don't want to eat that!!!! That wouldn't be good coming up. We have some chili in the fridge, I ain't dare going to eat that. This by far is the best diet ever. All I really want is liquids and crackers.

The door bell rings mid day. My friend Sharri from Chicago sent me a package. She sent the kids some longhorn glasses and me some Vamp chocolates. Couldn't have come on a better day. Now I can give them their flat ass soda in a longhorn glass. The chocolates are delicious. I eat them against my better judgement. In fear that they will come up later and ruin my taste for chocolate for ever.

Here is the best dog ever taking care of my sick babies.

Hubby gets home from work. Aidan who in the last hour has lost his luster follows him in the bedroom to say sorry for faking it. All of the sudden Hubby yells........KERRY! I go in there and Aidan is projectile vomiting in the toilet. This shitz has taken his faking ass down too now. There's that damn song "another one bites the dust" playing in my head again. We use this little vomit incident to our advantage. We tell him he got punished for faking it. I know it sounds evil but a girls got to do what a girls got to do to keep these people in line.

Now tonight is Blake's last football game. Someone will have to stay behind to tend to the house of vomit. Hubby automatically assumes that he is the one going to the game. I have been the one up all night and have been the one imprisoned in the house of horror all day. I should get to go. So I say why should I miss the game???? I ask him if it is because I'm the girl. I suggest we flip a coin. Lindsey flips the coin for us and I win. Hub's pulls me aside and tells me....but my family is here! That is so unfair that he pulled out the family card. I give in and let him go. Do I get a thank you???? Hell No! Sometimes men can be so clueless.


So I park my ass on the sofa and watch me some Oprah. Aidan throws up twice while they are gone. I'M SICK OF LOOKING AT AND SMELLING VOMIT. Thinking I should be at the game right now. I start to get mad at Hubby. I think maybe I should dump his ass! Na, too much trouble to start dating someone else. That would mean I would have to start keeping all this shitz shaved and manicured.

During Blake's game he gets a tackle. They announce his name over the loud speaker. He tells me he could hear his MiMI yelling "whoot, whoot" from across the field. Guess what people no one is yelling "Whoot, Whoot" over here in the house of vomit. I'm glad MiMi and Lindsey got to see his game. Those two love that kind of stuff.

Every body gets back to the house after the game. Aidan is puking again. Instead of the "another one bites the dust" song playing in my head. It had changed to the "I'm not going to take it" song. A little later the song "take me down to the paradise city" is occupying my mind!

Even though we are in the house of vomit we have a great visit with MiMi and Lindsey. I really hope they don't catch our funk though.

We are still sick here today. I'm still waiting for it to get my ass. So far so good for me. I am the last one standing for now. I really think God should grant me that get out of jail free card on this one. I have cleaned and smelled more puke than anyone should. I feel I have done my time. Please don't get me!

THE BEST DOG EVER

I feel the need to say sorry I know my grammar and writing is that of a fourth graders. I still can't get those too's straight either. But I know it and I own it. I really do enjoying writing these stories down though. It is fun to look back on them.

The house of Vomit!

So LOL. my Dad...aka.....the Grumpa was "the situation" for Halloween. I so wish we lived closer. He sent me pics on his phone of them going to their neighborhood party! Two hours late mind you because Mom....Aka.... Debbie Downer is an ass dragger. I happen too have gotten that ass dragging gene from her. So last night Hubby and I take it easy because Cole...aka...Drama, and Aidan...aka...the worry wort have games all day on Saturday. Blake...aka...?...spends the night at his second home. We go to bed at a decent hour. Four am Hubby wakes me up and says Blake is calling from his friends house he has puked all over and needs us to get him. Now this is the kid since he was two used to puke in the toilet in the middle of the night, go back to bed and tell us in the morning! Figures that he is at someones house and pukes all down their carpeted hallway! We tell him to go wake up the parents, he can't just leave the puke there. He is embarrassed and doesn't want to tell them. I send Hubby over there to get him and to clean up their hallway. Blake did wake his friend up to get the Mom. She was really nice about the thing and wouldn't let Hubby help clean it. If that were me I would have totally let him clean it up. I hate puke especially someones kid other than my own. As soon as Hubby gets home with him I get an immediate tummy ache. I don't know why but my mind will often mess with me when someone is sick in the house. I can't decide if I got it or if it is the evil part of my mind. I go to lay down in the room next to Blakes in case he needs me. He throws up every hour on the hour. Omg, the sound of it is enough to make me lose my cookies. I wake up at about nine to get Aidan to his soccer game. I can't get out of the germ infested house fast enough. I'm kind of picturing the house with a purple fog rolling through it and little green germ guys running around laughing like gremlins flipping me off as they run by. BTW, the picture you are about to see is Mom...aka...Debbie Downer dressed as Snookie.

After I drop Aidan off I have to run out to Cole's last football game. I stop to get some sprite for Blake. I walk in the house and it just smells like a sick house. I get out as fast as I can. All the way to Cole's game I start planning my sickness. Will it come today???? That would probably work out best for me. Will it come on Halloween???? That would be awful I have the best decorated house in the hood. I look forward to Halloween every year. Will it get me on Monday??? That is not good either because Blake has his last football game. I don't have time for this shit! I think maybe I will try reverse psychology with my mind. Here I am driving talking away to myself like some crazed women. I say to myself I don't care if I get this come and get me, just please don't let these people I live with have it on Halloween. My mind can't do it so I keep planning my sickness, I start to feel sick with worry. I start planning all the things I need to get done before I go down. I need to carve pumpkins, get the kids costumes ready, and do some laundry. I start wondering when will this stuff get me????? Will it come in the middle of the night and wake me up from a good sleep??? Will it get me mid day right as I am in the middle of something??? Will it get me in public??????


After Cole's game we all head back out to the soccer fields for Aidan's second game. I stop back by the house to check on Blake. There is a bucket of puke next to him by the sofa. Damn where am I going to sit tonight I feel like everything in this house is contaminated. I go to the bathroom and as I turn off the light switch I think I bet one of those nasty green guys was on there. I wish at this point I had one of those big ass jump suites that Doctors wear when someone has the plague. We get back from Aidan's game and I tell the little guys to go play out side and don't get anywhere near Blake. Of course they sit right down beside him and watch the Disney channel. So I come around the corner to see them like this. I stop and it's almost as if the future is playing in slow motion right before my eyes. I see Cole getting sick somewhere like my car. I see Aidan getting sick in the middle of the night so I have to get up and wash sheets. Would it be bad of me if I set up a tent with cots and plastic sheets in the driveway for them???? Just until we weather through this storm. Maybe I should just go get a hotel for a few days. I will leave them buckets, plastic sheets, and a cell phone. I decide to make some food for the next couple of days in case I get sick they will have something to pop in the oven.

Afraid to touch anything in the house I watch Blake move around the house infecting everything. Would it be bad to wrap him in plastic???? I will poke some holes so he can breath. I have to yell at Cole for something and he says....Mom your so dramatic. I say I'm your Mother you can't say things like that to me, you can only think them or tell your friends about them. What does he say?????......But your a dramatic Mother and walks away. I stand there pretty much dumb founded. I don't even know how to fight this kid I feel like my white flag is up! I GIVE UP!

I wake up Sunday morning I slept upstairs to be close to Blake. I'm laying there thinking I made it through the night. As I'm laying there I'm thinking did Hubby come in and say he's got it or did I dream that???? I did't dream it, another one bites the dust! So anyway I'm preparing the house for the plague and I'm waiting too up chuck. I wish I was a dude, I bet all this crazy does occupy their minds.