50 shades of why can't I go back to my twenties!

I know I normally put pictures with my blog entries. No time for that tonight. I need to go back to reading "Fifty Shades of Grey". So I'm a Dr, Oz crazy fan. I DVR every single show. Earlier in the week he had a show on about the book "Fifty Shades of Grey". I had heard a little about this book but I guess I really wasn't paying much attention. Anyway on his show he has people on that had read it. He also read it. The people on there were talking about how it spiced up their bedroom life. Dr Oz said he walked around with a smile on his face after reading it.

Thursday night it was my neighbor Kelly's birthday. We went over for a drink after the kids went to bed. Kelly asked me if I had heard of the book. I told her I saw something on Dr. Oz about it. She said she had just finished the first book. When I was leaving she gave it to me. I had to work the next day. When I got to work I did my normal routine. I opened the houses, put the music on in the model home, and read E-mails and Facebook. On Facebook my friend Dawn posted an Ellen video about "Fifty shades of Grey". So many people were commenting on her post. I thought damn I need to read this shit. After I get my busy work done I settle in to start the book. I'm not a huge reader, there are lots of books I started and never finished. There are few that hold my short attention span. I can name on one hand the books that really held my attention. Twilight being number one, A million pieces being two, and the late laminated Molly Marx being three. So I start to read this. At first I'm reading and thinking about other crap I need to do. I was so half reading that I thought "Grey" the main guy was black. Totally picturing Taye Diggs in that role....just saying. I'm at the end of my work day and I don't want to leave, I want to keep reading. Every time the door dinged with a customer I couldn't help but think it was Taye Diggs to take me to places I'd never been. See I have a totally over active imagination.  I have a middle school kids party I need to go to. I go home to get Hub's and the kids to head to this party. I read the book all the way to the party.

While at the party I mention I'm reading the book. Every one there knows the book I'm talking about. Even the host Hub's says he is tired from his wife reading the book. It takes me a minute and then I get what he is saying. BTW, if your a dude reading this blog get your girl this book. It will do wonders for your sex life. I'm only half way through and all I have to say is OH MY! So after the party my parents were flying in with my niece Ella. I talk Hub's into going to the airport. I tell him I have lots of stuff to do to get ready for them. Truth be told, I did all the stuff. I just want that hour to read more.


My parents get to Austin with Ella. I'm deep in this book when they get here. I still can't get this book out of my head. I want them to be sleepy from the flight so I can keep reading! I come from the family of night owls so this is not the case. They finally are ready for bed. I go up to sleep in Aidan's bed since he is asleep on the sofa. My niece wants to sleep with me. I get settled and get her ten books. I read my book while she tells me she is not about to close her eyes! Normally this would bother me. Not tonight, I'm like no problem you read these nursery rhymes while I read this XXX book!

I don't know what it is about this book. I'm not into to the whole bondage thing. Yet this book has me obsessed. While reading it I can't help but wonder why Dr. Oz went through his day smiling after reading it. Maybe he has bondage issues????? Or maybe he is happy because it is making people have sex. He does say people who have sex regularly live longer. Anyway, Saturday came along and wanted to stay in PG's and read the rest of this book. No time for that family is in town. My Mom and I head to Wimberly TX to shop. We shop and then I have to hurry back to take prom pictures for someone. After the prom pics we head to dinner. After dinner we have a few drinks. I'm kinda of waiting for everyone to go to bed so I can read some more. Finally at 1 am everyone is in bed. I get the book out. Now I'm half buzzed and really sleepy trying to read this. I'm still laughing at mom...aka...Debbie Downer. Right before she went to bed she went to put her wine glass in my dishwasher. She complained  because she does not think I load it right. I laugh thinking I've been on my own for a lot of years and it works just fine for me. I'm trying to get into this book while she re-loads what I have already loaded. While re-loading and while I'm trying to read she breaks a glass. Karma????? Maybe...... I don't know how I have survived without her loading my dishwasher all these years. I do really love Debbie with all my heart, I wish she would retire and come put my house together. My drawers and closets really do need a Debbie. Anyway she goes up to bed and I get deeper in this book. I'm half ass buzzed and super sleepy  at this point. I think I need to re-read those chapters. I know they were good. My head was bobbing the whole time I read it. Yet I couldn't stop.


Having an over active imagination when your reading you picture yourself as the main person in the story. Of course I'm picturing the twenty something version of me. The one that I thought was fat but really had a body I would give my left tit for now. I'm not really picturing the muffin top version of myself that came after forty. LikeI said, I don't know what it is about this book. I don't think it is the bondage stuff that attracts us women to it. I think it may be the really rich guy that takes care of us. I swear with the divorce rate as high as it is now. I think money first love second. I think we have it ass backwards. I also think this book gets women because we as women want to fix broken things. This guy is for sure broken and we can all relate to wanting to fix a guy. I think my biggest fix was I was going to  change a guy from being gay.  He was perfect to me minus the fact he liked liked guys. I could shop with him, talk house stuff with him, and totally relate to him. The sad thing was he liked boys. I thought for sure I could change his mind. I'm here to tell you whether the guy you like is gay or a total asshole you don't have the power to change anyone. So you better be careful with who you pick because you can't change an orange into an apple.

Anyway this book is the kind of book that gets you thinking....I like those books. Hub's came home and said he heard about this book on the radio. I said..."what did you hear"???? He said I heard it makes women horny. I said..."It may...but don't get used to it because it doesn't last". If he happened to be Taye Diggs it might just last a little longer!!!!!!! Gotta to go....I have some reading to catch up with!

Dripping Springs Founders Day, 2012

This weekend was Dripping Springs annual Founders Day festival. I believe this is our fifth year attending this festival. The family and I look forward to it every year.

It kicks off on Friday night with the best red neck parade this side of town. That would be one of my red neck kids in the "fresh" shirt.

"She thinks my tractors sexy"?????? Perhaps if our famous local Kyle Chandler was riding it. It might really turn me on then.

Oh boy we have a puker right in front of us in the parade. You don't usually see a pucker till the end of the night. It is usually a drunk. Poor girl!

This is our second year to have a BBQ booth. We compete in the meat competition. There are six families this year! Ian our head honcho really stepped up the game on our booth this year! The guys get out there Friday afternoon to set up. They stay out there all night smoking meat. BTW, it takes years to get a spot at Founders! Ian finally got us one! Awesome job to Ian for fighting for a spot for us!

Can you say....meat coma????? t

Can you say....I'm sexy and I know it! Or perhaps....where did they get these carnies???

I run into the teenagers. Blake tells me to go away. Can you feel the love???? What I love about this fest is because we are from a small town you can let your kids run free. There is always someone you know around. We have very little crime here. They run around the carnival like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. Blake we hardly see all weekend. We only see him when he needs more money. Cole has pretty much morphed into a mimi Blake so about the same for him. Now Aidan on the other hand likes to come report on drunks to us. He is my people watcher and not much gets past him. I sent Aidan to the carnival with a twenty dollar sheet of tickets. He lost them before he rode anything. I almost think he did it on purpose since he is not a fan of rides. He wants money for more tickets. I tell him sorry Charlie I'm not budging on this one. I give him a ten to go get ice-cream he loses it! I'm ready to ring his neck. I did find the ten, he dropped it before he left camp. I'm not budging on this one either...Sorry Charlie. Got to get a point across.

Aidan has a blast running around with his crew. Like I said before he loves to report the drunks. He comes to get me Saturday night to point out a guy who is completely passed out cold by the band. He wants me to take a picture. Since the police are surrounding him I decide it's not the best idea. I love a good blogging picture. I would have looked like a rude asshole though!

Saturday I run into my friend Jenny with my former dog. I tried like hell to talk Hub's into keeping this sucker. I'm usually pretty good at getting my way. He didn't budge on this one. I found the pup the perfect home though. I'm friends with the couple I gave her to on Facebook. Almost everyday they are posting pictures of the doggie. He goes hiking, boating, camping, and cruising all over Austin carefree. I couldn't be happier with the outcome! I'm almost jealous...thinking they should have taken me instead.

A fest is not complete without a funnel cake.

Never got the kids on leashes thing.....I could see kids with duct taped mouths....but not leashes. My friends Erin and Robin need to throw some healthily asparagus into our meat coma!

The judges come around to rate our camp. We woo them with our super fun ness!!!

We win them over with the flamingo glasses! Thanks to our Evil genius Ian...master of our super fun camp, we get forth place.

Got love a guy with a dog! Especially one that fits in his backpack.

Help me, Help me! I talk my friend Robin into beating the shit out this car for fun. You might be a red neck....if your at the red neck fest beating the shit out of a car for fun. The funniest part of this was the guy before her that went. I couldn't really make out what he was yelling as he beat the shit out of the car. One time I thought he yelled.....BETH. Then I thought he yelled....FUCK. I think he may have been yelling...FUCK BETH. Poor Beth this guy looked evil. I tried to talk Robin into yelling an X boyfriends name. She would just not go that red neck.

Back at the camp the flamingoes are kicking ass and taking names!

My friend Erin had to get into the red neck action. Now Erin was also there while that guy screamed profanity at the car. She hit the car and yelled...ZACK. It was so funny! Her husband Zack was standing there laughing. Got love her sick sense of humor. Girl after my own heart.

I think I'm sexy and I know it....NOT! Where is the guy from "what not to wear"! Dude would have a field day with this one. I wish I got the front view of the full on beer belly! Does she not own a mirror. Sometimes you have to wonder what people are thinking or seeing. Thank God I have good friends that would tell me to go home and change!

If he ever gets "the one he loves" this is so going in their wedding video. What I love about Cole is he has liked this girl since we moved here five years ago. He won't give up even though she only sees him as a brother. They have a great relationship and have a ton of fun together. Sometimes when she walks up he hums that dunnnn, dunnn, to dunnnn, wedding song. He does get a smile from her when he does that! What girl doesn't like attention. I really do think he will be a catch. I have burned into his brain respect for women. He is soooo funny too. Lets face it a guy that can make you laugh goes a long way.

One of my favorite parts of this is the drunk watch. This poor guy was in the camp next to us. I wish I had video, it was so much better than this photo. Dude kept falling back and his friends would catch him. You would hear them slur wooo, wooo, wooo. I feel for this guy in the am! I never met a hangover I enjoyed!

We topped off the night with a bomb fire.

Oh wait we topped off the night with another entertaining drunk. This poor girl would walk a few feet and have to stop to either puke or sit down. What I want to know is where are her girlfriends to help her?????

Anyway, another great year at Founders. Ian did an amazing job with our camp. I think everyone had a great time! Blake had a little middle school drama. Two of his main friends have decided to try and get people not to like him or talk to him. As a Mom it breaks my heart, you never want to see your kids go through anything negative. As a Mom with a few beers in her at the fest I want to go tell them off. Of course most of the time there is a rational side to me that talks me off the crazy ledge. I think what bothers me most is the one kid has been a frequent flyer at my house since we moved here. I have treated him like family. I know it's middle school drama that stems from a girl, we all did the same crap in middle school. I really hold no ill will towards these kids. I have been there done that crap too. I guess we have to live and learn. It still breaks my heart to see my baby go through this kind of pain. In life you find that some of the friends you hold tight end up hurting you. I think most of us have experienced this a time or two. We have probably brought this on to someone in our lives as well. Some of us knowing some of us not knowing. We have all hurt people in our lives. I just don't like to see my kid hurt. I want nothing but great things for him. It is truly hard to sit back and watch when your kids feelings are hurt. You want to tell them that this middle school drama will not matter later in life. The problem is to them it matters now. When you get to the point where you can't fix things for your kid it freaks you out. Girls are different though. It won't hurt you as much unless your a girl. Girls hold on to anything bad that ever happened to them. This is why I tell my boys to respect girls and never do anything hurtful to them. We DON'T get over it!!!! So while writing this blog there are 500 hundred black bugs flying around my light. Hello, love Texas....hate Texas bugs. I keep killing them on the screen....Just saying! Once again I write bad, spell bad, and have bad grammar. But after I write I'm too tired too proof read. I'm a fly by the seat of my pants girl.

Oh yes, almost forgot. While driving home from my friends house tonight. Cole was talking about some guy named Jimmy. I say who is Jimmy???? He says...."my carnival friend". Gotta love Cole friending the carnival people! Boys going far in life!

I'm sporty, part 2 or better yet a jockett

 After my epic fail at trying to pretend I was sporty, I decided I was going to become a jockett. I asked the kids if they would help me practice. I'm going to start my own softball team where I am the "queen bee". Watch out you "beer nuts". I'm coming to kick ass and take names. First we practiced catching the ball. Who knew Hub's was right. He said if you don't hold the mitt right the ball will hit you. Hoping I don't bruise. They did teach me how to put a little power behind my throw. I was a little self conscious after Hub's said I threw like a girl. The catching thing...I think I just need some glasses. Don't get me wrong, I catch a few. It's just going to take practice. It was cute how much they want me to succeed. Unlike some of the sweet ladies...not... on the other team. They kind of seemed to smirk at my sportiness. After my attempts to catch fly balls, I ask to move on to batting!

 These two taught me a lot! I was standing in the wrong place. Not to mention holding the bat wrong. I miss the first few. Cole says......"you never swing up at the ball". He then says...."you only hit if it is in the box".  Wait now what is the box???? Just kidding! Who knew......I would have rocked it last Monday. That is if I had taken Cole up on his offer to teach me a few things before the game. I was cocky though. I thought how hard could it be. At first when I couldn't hit the ball Cole said....."put some power in it and pretend your swinging at us when your mad". I was like....sweetheart I would never think about hitting you with a bat when I'm mad. My fantasies are more like duct taping you to the wall when you are driving me crazy. After operation this "mom is sporty". We go on a bike ride! That's right.....I'm taking this training thing seriously. I have to ride Blake's old bike since I don't have one!!!! Hub's if your reading this that was a huge hint!!!!! We get home and I'm clearly out of shape. I come in as if I just ran a marathon.

While rubbing their backs tonight Cole said he had the best day ever. I ask why is that. He said we played ball, rode bikes, and watched modern family. See I could just be mom of the year....at least today. Ya know how your kids always seem to friend that one friend??? The friend that is a wealth of information you don't want to talk to your kids about yet. The one that breaks their innocence. While rubbing Aidan's back he says......Do you and Dad "ya know". He says this with his little shit eating grin on his face. I know exactly what he was talking about. I play stupid. I say what, read books, watch TV, eat, sleep, and so on???? He grins again and says....No not that..."ya know". I say I don't know. He doesn't have the balls to say it. I don't have the balls to confront this yet. I remember being grossed out when that friend told me what my parents were doing. I actually refused to believe it. I told her no way! She said..."how do you think you got here"? I said then they only did that to have me!!!!! Then I was horrified that my Grandmother had so many kids. This haunted me. I will never forget I was at the park and we were riding those animals on springs. You know if I was still riding spring animals I was too young to know this. I have a feeling he was talking to his little friend...aka...tits McGee again. For Gods sake Cole thought I had a penis till last year. I finally had to tell him in fear he would embarrass himself in front of a kid. I'm going to have to put Hub's on the case for this one!

 I always help do the yearbook at the elementary school. I wish I had some say in this picture. Really???? Does he think he is Jim Carey???? This just screams Dumb and Dumber!!!

Not only will that last picture be in the yearbook. This..."who farted"...one will be in there too! So proud! Aidan brought this one home and I screamed....NO, WHYYYYYY. He just smirked at me. I asked why would you make this face!!!!!! He says..."you told me too". I did not!!!! He says..."you said you were not buying pictures because your a photographer". I said I was not buying the individual shot because I am a photographer. Where in the world do you get make a who farted face in the group picture from that. He just shrugs his shoulders and walks away! I'm madder than a wet rooster at this point. I don't know where I heard that saying. I don't even know if roosters get mad if they are wet. I just know I laughed really hard when I heard that. It's my new favorite saying.

Today I woke up got the kids off and took a nap. Quite judging, I stay up late. I stuck with what Dr Oz said about breakfast. I ate the big eggs, cheese, tomato, avocado, and whole grain breakfast. It doesn't sound bad but it's not that tasty. Remember I'm a Dr Pepper breakfast girl for years. I work out after. Damn that Jillian Michael's. She is a mean bitch. Yesterdays blog I joked about working out in my underwear in order to scare myself skinny. I was really just joking. Today the universe heard me loud and clear. Half way through my workout I get a mother of all mother hot flashes. It's so bad that I strip down to my underwear. It was that bad!!!! I didn't want to stop though. So I kept going in my underwear. Yes, I scared myself silly, I also need a tan. Tan fat looks better!!! Maybe it was a good thing. I ate right all day, drank water, and stayed active. Later I find myself on the sofa watching shit TV. I could be doing sit-ups while watching. See I know what to do. Instead I watch TV grab my stomach fat and tell it to go the F away. As if it is listening. All this health stuff is going to my brain. I love how the universe listened to my working out in my underwear thing. It sure isn't listening to the I WANT TO WIN THE LOTTO, I WANT PERFECT KIDS, I WANT PERFECT HEALTH....most of all I want all the people I love to have happiness, good health, and wealth. Lets face it wealth makes life a little easier. All those people that say money does not make you happy are just trying to make themselves feel better. You never hear rich people say that.  Now I know it's not the key to happiness but it sure takes some stress away. There are so many things I would do if I had ogles of money. It isn't what you might think. I would love to do nice things for people. Take people on trips, help people who need to pay something, surprise people with something they won't do for themselves. I'm nice like that. Don't get me wrong I'd do fun and nice stuff for me too. So once again....Hey universe I want to win the lotto!!!!!!!!

Last story...I know I'm starting to babble. When I was a kid I spent a lot of my time at my Grandparents house. They had a ton of kids. My Dad being the oldest. The youngest two Tommy and Jimmy were closer in age to me than my Dad. They were like eight and ten when I came along. My Grandmother was the sweetest person ever. I loved spending time with her. The only thing that ever freaked me out about her was when she used to hit Tommy and Jimmy with a broom when they were fighting. I never really got why she was doing that. Tommy and Jimmy would fight like cats and dogs in the front room. Only if your from Chicago do you know what a front room is. My sweet Grandma would yell and then get the broom out to swat them. I would stand back and watch horrified, this was not the Grandma I knew. Thinking who is this crazy Grandma????  Today Blake and Cole had a knock down drag out fight. Blake is now way bigger and stronger than me. I was trying to separate them and I couldn't. I totally get the broom thing now! I will be investing in one tomorrow. That's it from LaLa land. It's late and I'm not proof reading so excuse bad spelling, bad grammar, and run ons.........BTW, remember there was that famous artist who would paint the ladies with bellies and butts......where are those women now????? Why are we living in the time of work out barbies????? Lets just eat drink and be merry...it is so much more easier!!!!!!

Just another day in LaLa land.

 I spent the day with my favorite dog! I was watching my favorite Dr OZ guy the other day. He was talking about what is your problem area. Butt, stomach, arms, thighs, or all over. My butt is looking aright. My biggest problem now is my tummy. I know how to fix it but I have little will power. He said if your tummy is your problem you need to eat a certain breakfast. So this am I made two eggs, one avocado, two tomatoes, whole wheat muffin, and a slice of swiss cheese. Now I have never been a breakfast girl. Gives me a stomach ache. I usually have a Dr Pepper for breakfast. I'll give this a try and see if it works.  I'm back on my workout wagon again. I have been keeping a journal of the days I workout. So out of 17 days this month I have worked out nine. Still not getting the results I thought I would get. It's really frustrating. While pinning stuff in my fake Pinterest world I had "The Revolution" on in the background. They were talking about people who workout and don't get the results they want. They said after a certain age 90 percent is the foods you eat! I'm fucked! I have this weird love affair with food lately!!!! I didn't used to love food this much. I don't know what happened. Dr Oz says to drink two glasses of H2O before you eat. This will make you eat less! Beer doesn't count damn it!  So I find myself in my mirror in my underwear after I workout. I do this every time thinking this body is going to miraculously change into a Victoria's secret models bod! I think I'm going to workout in my underwear so I can really scare myself into eating right! Scary thought huh???? Of course I will not do this when anyone is home. Could you imagine what my big mouth kids would tell people! My already shit name would be even shittier here! Let's give them something to talk about!

 Had to take a picture of this! I love my rose bushes. They are beautiful this year. So my girlfriend was over while our kids played. Blake came down and we were picking his brain about who the bad kids are and what they are doing. We were talking with him about how bad under age drinking is. He looks at us and says....you guys drink! I say there is no reason to drink at your age. Everything is new an exciting. We drink because we are gerbils in a wheel. Doing the same thing over and over. Laundry, cleaning, driving people, finding every ones crap, going to games, putting out, wiping down counters, and way more but too much to go on!!!! Alright so I didn't say this but I sure thought it!!!! I tell him we drink responsibly and we are of age. I find myself telling him alcoholism runs in our family. I always hated when my Mom used to say that! I find myself saying lots of things I hated hearing my Mom say! I guess she was right! Damn that hurts coming out! I think it's never too early to start talking to your kids about drinking and drugs!!!!

So I tried to eat healthily smoothies today instead of burgers and Dr Peppers! I hope I can stick to this!!!! My little ones and I always lay in their beds and talk at night. Aidan asks me if my boobs make milk. I was not expecting this one!!!!!!!!! It was a typical "WTF" moment in motherhood for me! I ask him why would you ask me that and better yet where did you hear it. He said Tit's McGee master of boobs said it. I seriously almost fell off the bed. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I ask who the heck is tits McGee and where have you seen him. He said a friend told him about him. OH MY...Thank God it is not a kid that frequent flies at our house. I have to tell him about why boobs make milk. Not ready for this with him. I tell him it's not nice to talk about that kind of stuff and TIT is a very inappropriate word. I never want to hear him use that! It is disrespectful to women. Who knew motherhood would be so full of "WTF" moments!!!! I hope Dad...aka...Grumps doesn't read this one! He hates when I cuss! Just another day in LaLa land for me!

I happen to be sporty

So I get the kids off to school Monday morning yell wooo hoo and go back to bed. I just get into my REM sleep and get a text from my neighbor Erin. She is on a softball team that I was not invited to be on. Not bitter, I happen to be sporty.  I told her I would love to fill in if they ever needed anyone. I can play wiffle ball like no bodies business how much harder can softball be??? The text reads....I have my Queen Bee's jersey and socks ready for you. They need you call Stacy you can go with her. I'm super excited.

I tell my kids when they get home that I'm playing on a softball team tonight. Cole looks at me and says...Do you know what first base means??? I want to say...Um yes, kissing but my bad sense of humor has no business in the mind of an eleven year old. I tell him yes I know what first base is. He them asks me if I know second base.....Hello up the shirt everyone knows that!!!! He questions me on every baseball term. He tells me we should practice batting because he does not want me to embarrass myself. Really, am I this pathetic??? I was excited but now I'm worried. He tells me everything I need to know about baseball! No faith, no faith....

Blake gets home from middle school and I tell him I'm going to play on a softball team. His response is....ya know you have to take this team stuff seriously. He then says.....you can't screw around and act crazy on the field. I guess he pictured me dancing around like a crazy person in the outfield. Really???? Because I haven't spent the last 11 years of my life watching Y'all play sports not to mention all the sports that seem to be on my TV. I think I may have learned a thing or two over the years. I love how I support all of them and they have no faith in me.

Hub's gets home as I'm getting ready for my game. He asks why I'm putting on lip gloss to play. I tell him a girl needs to look good while kicking ass on the field. He laughs and not with me more like at me. Big difference. He gets his glove and shows me how to catch. He shows me how to stand when I bat???? This is all going in one ear and out the other. Do these people I live with really think I'm a dumb ass. He even tells me to be careful because he does not want me to get hit by a ball. It's kind of making me mad. Does he really think I would stand there and get hit rather than catch it???? I'm not an idiot.

My friend Stacy picks me up for the game, we shot gun a beer before we go. I get there and all of the sudden get really nervous I think these people I live with got in my head. I want to do good since I'm a fill in. They sent me to the outfield. I'm thinking in my head...be cool don't get crazy and just get the ball. Nothing comes to me thank God. In between I have Hub's take a picture of me and Stacy so I can put it on Facebook. Hello, look at me I'm playing softball. I get comments from my sister that are pretty much like really???? I get a comment from a friend that says your there to tailgate. My family and friends have no faith in me. I work out look at my body...LOL.... I get up to bat for the first time nervous as hell. I need to do good in this game. My family is watching not to mention I need to do good for the team. The lights are messing me I feel nervous it's much easier playing wiffle ball when it doesn't matter. I strike out, oh how my head is between my legs. We go back to the outfield and a ball comes to me and I get it and throw it into the in field. I thought I did great. I come off the outfield to Hub's telling me I throw like a girl. Hello last time I checked I was a girl....He tells me I need to reach far behind my back and throw. Glad I have him here to guide me.  can you feel my sarcasm???? What I love is the kids couldn't wait to see me play but they played their own game in the open field and never saw any of my game. I get up to bat again, this time I hit it and get to first base! I'm super excited. Next batter strikes out so I never have that slide into home like I imagined. We win the game!!!! hell yeah! All because of me because I'm sporty.


After the game Stacy and I head to the barber shop. This is a little place in Drip that used to be a barber shop turned into a beer bar. Earlier in the day while at kid pick up my friend Jason tapped on my window. He told me his wife and him were going to the barber shop to meet Kyle Chandler. Now if anyone of you do not know who he is....he happens to be the star of Friday night lights, he has been on Grey's anatomy and was in the early edition and has also starred in super eight the movie.This dude happens to live in Drip which is a small town.  To say I'm a stalker is an under statement. I'm a stalker with nothing to say. I talk a big game but I have no game. We get there and he is not there. We talk to Jason and his wife. All of the sudden he walks in. My friend Stacy is like that is the guy right??? I say yes. She is like you are red as hell keep talking to me. We talk and laugh about this. My camera is with me. There is us and their group in the bar no good reason to sneak a pic. Jason walks over and says...do you want me to induce you??? I say....no I don't want to seem like a crazy stalker. The night goes on and Jason's wife joins us. Kyle is about to leave. Jason is motioning me if I want to meet him. I give him the heads up. He introduces me to him and I'm like a deer in headlights. I introduce  him to Stacy. I had nothing cool to say, nothing funny to say, and nothing clever to say. Your shocked right???? HaHa


 Anyway I get home super excited about my Kyle run in. I tell Hub's everything he is like .......you sound like a middle school freak! Yep I do! I text everyone who gives a shit when I get home! This blog is only going to be funny to the people who really know me and know how Sporty I am........NOT!

What's not believable about a life size Bunny going from house to house????

When I was a young mom I couldn't wait to be Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I couldn't wait to see my kids sweet innocent smiles when they discovered the things left for them. I couldn't wait to do all the traditions that came along with these holidays. The baking cookies, decorating the tree with holiday music, making gingerbread houses, coloring eggs, and hunting for eggs. I never imagined that these times would also come along with huge messes, a cluster fuck of ornaments in the same spot of the tree, kids sick during holidays, fighting over what the other one got, tears, ugly eggs since I have boys, and WTF moments in my head! Don't get me wrong these days were also filled with lots of love, smiles, laughs, and my greatest memories. Well those days have come to an end lighting fast for me. This is the first year that the last of these people I live with questioned the reality of the giant bunny. What's not believable about a life size bunny going door to door dropping off baskets????? Aidan is an over thinker for sure. Every time I came up with a reason the bunny was real. He came up with a really good reason why I was full of shit. This is once again why I think we should age in reverse. Kids are in such a hurry to grow up and figure the world out. What I would give to re-live the days where I believed in Santa and the bunny. Life was so easy back then. What I would give to be 21 again but that would be another blog that I probably shouldn't write about.

Now that the kids know I'm the bunny they really ruined Easter for me. Not the religious side of Easter. They spent the days before Easter asking when I was going shopping for their Easter stuff. I have always gotten them a gift with their baskets too. Big mistake....all you young mom's out there keep it simple. Keep it to candy. If you don't you will find yourself with spoiled rotten kids years later. You will wonder where you went wrong. For some reason my kids were requesting things that are only birthday or Christmas worthy. I tell them I'm picking the gift and it's going to be something reasonable.

Aidan wants a two hundred dollar bat. The fact that something as bad as.....Are you smoking something funny almost flew out of my mouth makes me feel guilty. If it were up to Hub's he would cut the baskets off all together since they don't believe. I'm a weak sentimental sucker. Aidan gets a wiffle ball bat not a two hundred dollar one. He actually has the nerve to complain about it. I tell him he is lucky he got anything. I tell him there are less fortunate kids who's parents don't have the money to do anything in the world. This doesn't even seem to faze him. He is living in his own little "I'm a spoiled ass" bubble. Oh and wait guess who put him there.....That would be me! I'm serious to the young moms out there. Don't be that overachiever during the holidays. I'm here to tell you it will bite you in the ass.

Blake is the lucky one of the three stooges. Since he is the oldest he will enjoy Santa and the bunny for years longer than the younger ones. He looks happy right????? I believe this is how most teenagers look. The word that comes to mind is stone cold! Too cool to smile for a picture or act happy about an ass load of candy plus a game. I'm so glad I gave up a great new outfit or a new pair of boots for these guys! When I was a kid my mom used to fill my basket with expensive Fannie May chocolate. I always really wanted the cheap candy. Peeps, Reese's, robins eggs, and the giant cheap chocolate bunny. Damn what I would give now for a basket full of Fannie May....just another reason we should age in reverse.

The kids never brought up coloring eggs or hunting eggs this year. It is sad to me. It's sad when you realize all the stuff you used to feel bothered with at times is over. My mother in law and sister in law were supposed to stay through Easter. I planned a good meal. Their trip got cut short because my sister in law could not get out of work. So here I found myself with nothing to do on Easter. My kids do not appreciate a good meal most of the time. I did cook something while the in-laws were here that they all seemed to love. Those meals are few and far between. Remember I grew up Irish Catholic, Easter is a big deal. With Easter came big family parties. Another thing I wish I could get a do over on. That saying "you don't know what you got till it's gone" rings so true. My family in Chicago were all getting together for their traditional Easter bash. These are the times I really miss being home. My friend Ashley called and ended up inviting us over. Since I had already got some stuff to cook for Easter I said I would make it and bring it over.

While I'm getting myself and my food ready to go over there I get a call from Ashley. I can hardly understand her. She is crying but I can't tell what she is saying. I finally make it out. They had gone to church when they came back her husband had accidentally ran over their dog. It was a little chihuahua. They were all so sad. They are huge animal lovers.  I ask if we should not come. She tells me they really want us to come anyway. I kind of feel bad going over there. We stop at Walgreen's on the way over. Since this dog was kind of her daughters I stop in to get her gum, candy, lip gloss, and nail polish. I know this will not make her any less sad but I want to give her a little something special so she knows we are thinking about her. So we get out there and the mood is little somber. There are some swollen eyes. I feel so bad for all of them. It's a sucky thing to lose a pet. I can't help but think it's Easter they did the right thing went to church and all. Then that happens. It just makes no sense to me. Sometimes I struggle with the way God works. I can only go back to my faith that there is a reason why we experience everything good or bad. We have to trust that this is what's supposed to happen to us even it is impossible to understand.

The day ends up being as good as it can be. We all make the most of it. This happens to be one of my all time favorite pictures. I love how guys are so different than women. They don't worry about how they look. We as women are raised to be prim and proper. We worry too much about what we look like or what people think. I love this picture of Boogie living life to the fullest. I might be slightly jealous. The sad thing is no one judges a dude for having a little extra belly....don't get me wrong Boogie is in good shape for his age but he isn't sporting no six pack. Does  he care...of course, but not enough to let it stop him.

Alright so here is my child who can rock any look as if he is a star. Not afraid to rock a light blue girls cowboy hat, not afraid to sing a Taylor Swift song out loud, not afraid to put on lipstick for a good laugh, and not afraid to sing naked in front of a mirror. He will kill me for this later but I kind of love this about him. This kid has given me some of my best belly laughs over the years. I see big things in his future. This kid also reminds my of that "YouTube" video "the annoying orange" at times. If you never saw the annoying orange YouTube it. You will get what I'm talking about. He has been standing in front of me talking before. I can't seem to get the picture of the annoying orange image over his face out of my head. He has a bad tendency to repeat himself over and over when I don't want to hear what he is saying. So I sit back an imagine him as the annoying orange hoping it will make light of the situation. Hoping I don't fly completely off the deep end on him. It works sometimes.....but other times I just lose my mind.

Aidan is a crazy dog lover. Dogs love him as well. I see him later in life married with a shit load of dogs. I see him as a builder of some kind or an engineer. No paper or tape is safe in my house. He is always building boats, football fields, baseball fields, and pole vaulting things out of paper. Recently when Hub's took him to six flags he did not want to get on the roller coasters. I asked him why later. He told me while he was in line he was looking at the way it was made. He told me he saw the wood shaking. He said if one piece of that wood snapped the people would come crashing down. I told you he was my over thinker. It makes me sad for him. I think he will miss out on a lot thinking this way. I know I do. Now I don't really think he has to worry about six flags.....it is the carnivals I worry about. I over think the toothless almost homeless looking people that are not only putting together those rides but running them. I kind of sound like a judgmental B right now. Not proud!

As the day goes on the kids are trying to dive into the inner tube. It is fun to watch.

Everyone has a shot at it. Cole seems to make it every time. The kids say he is lucky. Boogie and I say he has skills.

Ashley who is no side of the road shopper got this pinata on the side of the rode. Kind of proud of her about now. She is normally a Nordstrom girl. The kids have a blast with it.

We topped off the day with a game of family baseball. These are my pretty toes sitting poolside not wanting to mess up my makeup or show off any muffin top. Watching from the sidelines taking pictures of people living life.


Once again I can't help but think what I would live my life like in reverse. Would I care so much about muffin top???? Or would I strip down and jump in that pool???? Would I care so much what people thought????? Would the small things that upset me mean so much???? Would it bother me so much when my kids annoyed the shit out me???? Would all the material things matter so much.....would the he said she said things bother me???  Would I think I was fat at 25????? Would that guy that didn't like me in high school bother me so much?????? Would I hug my kids everyday???   Would I enjoy like hell all the family parties I didn't want to attend as a teenager???? Would I listen to my parents because they really did know what they were talking about most of the time! Would I love my husband a little more, my kids, my friends?????? Would I love life more????? Of course I would...this is why we should age in reverse. Or at least act like we are. God I sound like such a sappy asshole....it is so unlike me!!!! Maybe it's because it's Friday the 13th. Five years ago I lost a very dear friend in a tragic accident. It's the first time the dates lined up the same since then. Just has me thinking about life! R.I.P. Kevin.

Living in my "Pinterest" world

While at work today I was a little bored. Not much going on there on a Thursday. So I find myself between Pinterest, facebook, e-mails, camera blogs, and mommy blogs. Oh yes and I'm talking on the phone in between all this!!!! I swear one of those mommy bloggers is copying me. I couldn't believe the similarities in the words she used. Starting with the name of her blog. I am just kidding but it was strange reading her stuff, she even refers to her Husband as Hub's!!!! How dare she!!!! Who does that besides me????  Can you  feel the sarcasm?? I'm pretty much doing this all at the same time. I can't stay focused on one thing at a time. So I'm back and forth to all these web pages that are all pulled up at the bottom of my computer. At one point I think to myself that "What the What" saying! I'm only taking in bits and pieces of things....no wonder I'm having a hard time mastering the functions of my camera. I CAN'T CONCENTRATE OR FOCUS........I'm A.D.D.!!!!! When my kids act A.D.D. I get frustrated and pissed off. Hello! I have no one to blame but myself. Is there a pill I can take as an adult for this???? I hate pills though!!!! It is so frustrating to be this way!!!!

My brain reminds me of one of those God awful carnival rides that give you vertigo.Ya know the kind that whips you from side to side, back and forth, and upside down to right side up, all at the same time?All you want to do is scream.....STOP!!!!!  I'm exhausted thinking about it. No wonder I can't sleep at night. So after fantasizing about cooking in my one of my thirty Pinterest kitchens, I click over to e-mail. Never fails there is always a good mom...aka...Debbie Downer email. She does send some really funny ones but there is always a Debbie one slipped  in the mix. The one today was disguised to be a not so Debbie one. It's headline was......."EAT FRUIT-most interesting". I thought it was going to talk about the benefits of eating fruit. Boy was I wrong. It starts off in capital letters reading.......DON'T EAT FRUIT AFTER A MEAL!!!!!!.....Only eat fruit on an empty stomach!!!!! Can't you just hear the dunnnnn, dunnnn, dunnn,.......sound as you read that! It goes on to read that if you eat say a piece of bread followed by a piece of fruit. The fruit does not go straight through you like it is supposed to. Nice way of saying you do not shit it right out. The whole meal starts to rot and ferment in your intestines and then turns into acid. I have an overactive very visual imagination. I always have, which is one reason I'm in need of some good therapy. So I'm visualizing a piece of fruit rotting in my intestinal track with maggots all over it!!! See why I need a therapist?....It just ain't right!

It goes on to read that fruit mixed with putrefying other food produces gas......I have been a little gassy lately. BTW, I have no earthly idea what the hell the word "putrefying" means.....I'm just copying what the email says. I will be "googling" it later. Hence after the fruit mixed with putrefying other foods....your body starts to bloat. Oh, that explains a lot. It's not the fact that I have fallen right back off the workout wagon. I can totally blame it on eating fruit after food. I'll look at my friends and say.....ya see this extra tummy????? That would be fruit rotting and fermenting in my gut!!! Can you imagine the looks I would get. I wonder how someone would respond to that. It also causes gray hair.....I have been totally blaming those on my kids!!!! Who knew it was rotten gut fruit! It also causes baldness.....I think Hub's has been sneaking in a little fruit action after a meal. Also causes nervous outburst.....I really do laugh out loud when I read this one. Cole....aka....Drama Queen  eats an apple a day, I have a strange feeling it is not on an empty stomach. Just a guess!!!! Last it causes dark under eye circles....Damn I was blaming that on the beer. Then it says....All this will NOT happen if you eat fruit on an empty stomach.

Last the email talks about how you should only drink fresh fruit juices.....I know a good brand..."Genesis Today". Never heat your juice. I was trying to think if I ever drank heated juice. I don't think so. It says...Don't eat cooked fruit. Say good bye to hot apple pie. Unless you plan to use it like the guy in American Pie. I'm a poet and I didn't know it!!!! LOL, alright not that funny. Says to drink your juice slow. To let it mix with your saliva. It talks about how it is beneficial to go on a three day fruit-fast. It will cleanse the system and your friends will be surprised at how radiant you look. I wonder if it will give you the same radiant look I hear botox and fillers give you. All this is said to have been scientifically proven by Dr. Herbert Shelton. I do truly believe that raw fruits, veggies, and seeds are very beneficial to the body but I'm no Doctor. Even if I poked a little fun at the Debbie email.

After all this food for thought I click right back over to my Pinterest boards. For some reason I'm steering clear of the food board. I think I will check out my exercise boards. I look at all the hot bodies I will never look like. I love the one that says, one week to a rock hard butt.....Bullshit, it's going to take a lot more time than a week to get a butt like the girl that is pinned. I'd like to pin her all right. Pin her ass to a wall and force feed her cheeseburgers.. Can you feel my green eyed monster surfacing???? They say to replace your bad habits with good ones. Like a fruit instead of a cheeseburger. God forbid you ever eat a fruit after a cheeseburger. I think McDonald's got that whole apples and cheeseburger thing wrong. Exercise instead of a cocktail. Can't we just jog to the fridge for a beer and jog to the bathroom after. Maybe jog in place while drink it?????? I really do have good intentions when I pin the exercise stuff. I mean to do it but facebook, Pinterest, emails, shit TV, and Oh yes these people I live with get in the way! It is never my fault of course. Everyone and everything else's fault. As I write this one word comes to mind..... Blake...aka...the know it all. I got an email from a teacher that said he had not turned in some stuff. I took a break around the time he was getting off the bus. I tell him about the email. He says...Oh yeah I know but I turned that in today. As he is saying this I'm saying it to myself in my head. I knew that is what he was going to say word for word. It's safe to say I have heard that one before. He really should come up with a different story. Universe where are those perfect kids I have been asking for???????

I go back to work to have a Pinterest party. I check out all the party ideas that I will never do that I have spent precious time pinning. I imagine myself on the little tree stump stools with the pretty cloth seats. Lights hanging all in the trees and colorful overachievers cupcakes surrounding me. Oh yes and my perfect Pinterest cocktails in ball jars sitting in the cocktail canoe next to me. Bliss!!!! It is a nice thought to be living in your Pinterest world. After this I go back to Facebook. I want to see if anyone has posted anything interesting. Not so much. Facebook is pretty boring lately. Thank God there is not a barf, boring, REALLY, gay, TMI, get a life, or an OH no you didn't button. I bet I would have gotten everyone of those a time or two. So back to Pinterest I got my hair done yesterday. I had pinned a few colors I was going to try. I came back with the same old hair color. I'm a risk taker I tell ya. I did not take a shower today because I didn't want to ruin my perfectly done hair. It will not look like this for at least seven more weeks. That is when my next appointment is! Work is finally coming to an end. No time for Pinterest recipes I will never cook. That's alright after the rotting fruit in my gut visual today. Thank you, Debbie!!!! I think I may need to "Snopes" this fruit shit!!!!

On my way home Debbie calls. My Sister...aka...Twisty totally threw me under the bus. I was slightly poking fun at Debbie with her. I had a good story. I told her not to tell her. That was last night!!!!! I guess she forgot. After I'm on the phone with Debbie for a while complaining about my kids. She says....."I was reading the obituaries the other day, you know how I do that". Um yes, I know how you do it!!!!! Weird right?????? She happened to recognize two of the names. They were the brothers of people she knew. Why is it that older people like to talk about people they know or don't even really know that died????? After we talk about the dead people Debbie reads about stories. I tell her how Aidan....aka....the worry wort broke my garage window. He walks in and says......"I just happen to notice someone broke the garage window". Oh you just happened to notice huh???? Because that shit eating smirk on your face isn't giving you away at all!!!!!! Aidan is the easiest one to read of all these people. I tell him if I check the secret camera's and find out he is a liar he will be in big ass trouble. I tell him there is nothing worst than a liar. He tells the truth and yes I still have them snowed into believing the world they live in is filled with secret cameras! It's alright to call me an evil genius. I kind of like it! Last but not least. Blake called me shortly after I got back to work. He was calling to report the broken window. I love how all these people want to be the bearer of bad news when they are not the guilty one! Sorry again for bad grammar and run-on sentences! If you need me I will be pinning my Pinterest dream pool and imagining my perfect Pinterest body swimming in it! Happy pinning everyone!

The In-laws come in for a visit

 My in-laws came to town this weekend. A lot of people call their in-laws the out laws. I'm lucky that I have such a good relationship with mine.  When I started dating Michael I was in my early twenties. I'm in my early forties now. We have almost been married half my life. I'm here to tell you that is not easy for anyone. I have said before in this blog remember what attracted you to the person you love in first place because marriage is not easy and not for the weak. This also means I have been with these in laws half my life. They have become as close to blood as one could hope. We had a bond right away. I think they thought  I was good for Michael. He was a bit of a bad boy when I met him. It took a lot of years to completely turn him but I think we are finally there. That or he is just too tired and old to be bad now. I have always had strong family values. I was a girl in Texas away from her close nit family. They were a close nit family that took me in right from the start. I missed my family and all the family parties and holidays spent together. These people filled that void for me. They took me in no questions asked and treated me like family. Of course we have had our ups and downs as any family would. We have all talked shit about each other a time or two but that is life. Bottom line is we all love and respect each other. Talking shit is a part of life. We talk shit about our kids, our family. our in laws, our spouses, and our friends. It does not mean we love them an less. Thank God our thoughts can not be heard. Think about it. I think most of us can say we are total shit takers. Sometimes it's because we are worried but sometimes it's just to judge and make ourselves feel better about ourselves, I swear people strive on drama...but that is just my opinion.

 Anyway, we headed to the bluebonnets, to take pictures with Mimi. What I love about my relationship with Mimi is we can talk honest with each other. I can tell her what bothers me about her son or her grand kids. She can relate being married for several years and raising four kids. She does not judge me on my frustrations with them. She will tell me if she agrees or disagrees. I can tell her if I think a movie star is hot and if ever given the opportunity I would rock their world. We kind of have the same taste in men. Like Taye Diggs.....God help the first one of us that gets him in a dark alley.  I say if I ever go down I'm going down in flames. Which means it is safe to say I'm never going down since Taye is not roaming around Drip.

 Michael probably had one of the greatest Fathers in the world. I do too. Our Fathers were fast fiends they got along great. Michael's dad's life was cut short. He died when my kids were pretty young. He was one of the most amazing guys I ever had met. We clicked right from the start. He is one of my all time favorite people I ever met.
Maybe it is because he loved me so much.  I can't put into words what an amazing man he was. I have great memories of him.  I sat with him a few times when he knew he was dying and everyone else was at work. It is a strange thing to sit with someone when they know. They tell you all kinds of things. Regrets, what they would do over, and most of all what they want people to know and remember. The biggest thing for him which he told me over and over is that he did not want the kids to forget him and remember what they meant to him. I know good and well that Blake remembers everything about him. The other two I have to remind and tell them stories. They were really young when he died. I think one of the things I remember is when I was pregnant with number three. I was not at all happy. We will just call him baby bud light. He would call me on his way home from work because he knew how I felt. He would check to make sure I was alright and ask if I needed anything. Truth be told at that time if I had to be pregnant....I wanted a girl. I dreamed of pink. He knew this and assured me this was my girl. Boy was he wrong, no pun intended. My parents and Michael's parents were in the room for the ultrasound when I found out it was another boy. I think my first reaction in my head was.....Another fricken boy are you kidding me. This was for sure my last shot of a world filled with pink shit. So what if I dress him in pink and put bows in his hair when no one is around!!!! Quit judging! I took it in an excepted it. Michael's younger brother and my younger sister had girls right out of the gate. I'm not bitter at all. Now that I have Aidan I wouldn't change one thing. Anyway, I sure do miss Michael's dad. I wish he was here to see all the things the kids are doing. Maybe once in a while I wish he was here to throw a little whoop ass on them. I know one thing, he would be really proud of them. It makes me sad I feel that they got cheated not being able to have him longer.

The boys crazy love having a camera in their face constantly. Sometimes they start to act up. They kind of act like complete and total jack asses. See here this would be Blake farting in Aidan's face. Cole is making that WTF motion.

I think this should be my Christmas card! I'll show the little smart asses. Does anyone get why I love a cold beer yet????

They don't get it if they would just cooperate things would go way faster.

While going through my pictures I came across this one. See the butterfly next to Blake's head??? Pretty cool.

My sister in law came too. When I started dating Michael she was a year older than what Blake is now. Scary thought! My how time flies. See that little shit ass grin on Aidan's face????? He is putting a bluebonnet between his legs as if it's his #@$%#!!!!!! Really?????? I have know idea where he gets his sick sense of humor. The things I put up with. I had lots of fun catching up with Lindsey. Both nights we stayed up way too late solving the worlds problems. The weekend went fast.

I feel like I haven't seen my friends, my core group forever. I feel bad. I feel like I have been a bad friend lately. Truth is I have just been busy as shit!!!!!! With these people I live with of course. All the practices and the games there is no time for me. One of my friends just started blogging!!!!! Good for her. Blogging is such therapy, it is a way to get all the bad shit out of your head! It is also a way to put all your bad shit out in the Internet world for people to judge. It is also a way to say....Hey I'm still here not so invisible as I feel at times. When your a "blogger" it is smart to write things down that you want to blog about. I can't tell you how many times I think of something great to say and can't remember it for the life of me even though I made a conscious effort not to forget it. I'm up late once again can't stop watching shit TV. I have a hair appointment in the am. I really want to reinvent myself and go red or brown. I bet I still come back a blonde. I have been a blonde most of my life besides the awful dish wash stage in my awkward years in middle school. Btw, what happened to the awkward stage???? I really don't see kids these days hitting that stage. I wait for it because sometimes it makes me smile to see other people go through the bad shit I did. I went on a little trip down memory lane recently. I thought maybe I wasn't as awkward as I felt. Yep sure was!!! There is no sugar coating those years. Wish I had one of the celebrity stylist in my pocket who would tell my what hair to have, what makeup to wear, and what not to wear. Oh wait, I have my sister...aka..Twisty for that!