The mall police

While in Chicago last weekend we took my niece...aka..the Golden Jerk to see the Easter Bunny. She looked adorable. I loved it because my kids no longer believe. They would much rather play on their iPhones and Itouches than sit in the bunnies lap! I finally get that saying.."through the eyes of a child". When your in those moments stressed out as hell waiting for the day they are older and can take care of
themselves you don't realize how fast it is all going. I would give anything to have a do over. I would be a much better mom.

I have my camera with me at all times. I ask Ella to go over by the egg so I can get a picture. There is a sign that says no camera's past this point. We are not past this point yet but we are starting to get stink eye from the bunny workers. Ella knocks over the plant behind her. The bunny worker walks over to tell us she could get electrocuted. Really????? She's not sticking wet fingers into plugs! She simply knocked over a plant. I don't know about you but I never saw anyone get electrocuted period, especially while taking a picture or from knocking a plant over.

Ella gets up to the bunny. My Mom and Sister are buying an overpriced not so great picture of her. I go behind the NO cameras beyond this point sign to get a picture too. The crazy bunny worker walks over to me and tells me to put my camera away. I look at her and say......"My family just paid for the package to buy your pictures and I'm standing BEHIND the No camera line". She tells me to put the camera way! Not nice either! Now I can see if they weren't buying the overpriced package but they are. I argue again.....We bought a package besides the point that I'm at is way behind the No camera line. She walks away and gets on the phone. I had a feeling that she was calling the mall police..aka...Paul Blart.

So the mall cop...aka...Paul  comes over to me. He asks me if there is a problem. I say..."yeah my Mom and sister are buying a picture package and the crazy bunny lady is giving me a hard time about taking a picture from behind the .....No pictures beyond this point sign". He says..."you need to leave this area and put the camera away"! I argue more with him. I say.."I'm clearly behind the point so why are you guys giving me such a hard time". He says..."You can't point your camera anywhere near the bunny.....now put the camera away". I still want to argue my point but I'm going down stream at this point. I say alright and walk way! But really????? Hello...don't have that no camera's beyond this point if that is not the case! Have a sign that says No cameras period! The whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way! I have the urge to tell the bunny lady off but I'm way to mature to stoop to her level. Well not really but my mom is there and I don't want to make a scene. Plus the older you get the more you realize people like this would get off if you told them off rather than hear your point. I would totally be the topic of her wine induced conversation for months. Bitter???? Maybe!For God sakes I'm already super stressed out knowing I'm getting on a plane in a matter of hours!

We get back to house and Blake and my Dad...aka...Grumps are back from golfing. I take a few pictures of the twins before we head to the airport....which I can't help but think will be my last destination.

Ella crazy loves Blake! Maybe it is because she looks just like him. Maybe because she is already a typical girl that loves the one that pays the least amount of attention to her.

So I'm washing clothes and getting my stuff together. My dad..aka..Grumps makes a strange comment about the dogs face! I was sworn to put it in the vault, not to post it on Facebook or blog about it! It got a good laugh and a thought of WTF! See him here laughing!!!!! He knows he just said a WTF thing. So I'm trying to play it cool all the while wondering if this will be the last time I see my family since I crazy think a plane I'm getting on is going down. I have that felling of wanting to drink many beers or pop a Zanex (Sp?). We head out to airport. By the way Ella was supposed to come home with us. She couldn't because the flights coming back were bad....she would have been stuck with us a few more days! That would have been just awful...not for me...but for her dad. We made the mistake of telling her she was going home with us before we checked the flights. She was just as sad as me that she couldn't come.


My dad gets Blake and I off to the airport. I'm always a crazy weeping fool. There is something about being at home that just makes me feel complete. I love being there I feel safe and happy. I love my family and I love to be with them. I wish we could all live close.  I miss all the holidays with them and that makes me sad.


So we get to the airport and I get Garrets popcorn....I get some for me and some for my neighbors that helped with my little ones when I was gone. 30 dollars on popcorn makes my think...why didn't I come up with the crazy overpriced popcorn?????  You can always charge a good rate when you come up with something good. We get on the plane that I tapped three times hoping my dead relatives are not wanting a reunion. We were supposed to get first class but it got taken away right before we boarded.....due to upgrades. So we get the seats right behind first class. Blake and I are seated together next to a guy that's around my age. He is quiet at first. Then he realizes because of my conversation with Blake that I'm actually scared shitless. He starts to make small conversation with me telling me how much he flies. When your seated next to someone their right in your face when you talk. I could smell his dinner on his breath guessing he could smell mine too. I was thinking back to what I ate this day. Oh shit, I had a patty melt with onions for lunch. I try to talk away from him knowing I for sure have onion breath! Now I notice I can see every wrinkle and his pores look crazy big to me. I wonder what my pores and wrinkles look like to him. By the way, with all these thoughts I'm trying to not focus on crashing. I'm really not that shallow. He was super nice but there were so many times I wanted to puke from nerves! We landed safely......another two years from stress taken off my life for no good reason.


I get home only to come back to a messy house and lots of laundry. I love how anal hub's gives me a hard time about what I did when things are not in ship shape order in house and I come home to this. I wonder what they would do without me keeping their house and laundry in order! Not to mention all the shit they lose that only I can find. It's safe to say the house truly does need a Mama holding it together.


So I walked right back into the reality of my existence. Back to getting kids up and feed in the am. Back to awful car rides of kids fighting on the way to practices. Back to being the cook, the chauffeur, the voice, the one that keeps the house running! I headed out to Blake's track meet on Thursday. My new cars    GPS headed my out on a crazy back road route...it got me there though. This track meet was in Lake Canyon an hour in a half away from home.  Right away when I get there he tells me there is a crazy good vaulter that he can't beat. I tell him don't think about that...just do the best you can.  He ends up taking first for that region. He got over ten which again ties the record from 1986 but doesn't beat it. I really want him to beat it. He only has one more chance on Tuesday! Say a little prayer please. How great would that be. To beat a 26 year record???? I will keep you posted! To say I'm excited is an understatement.  I so want him to be the best at this, I think it will give him the confidence he needs. I think my kids are the best things ever...they are for sure the best things things I ever did. I just really want this for him...Do you hear Universe????


After the track meet I take five kids home. I have a new and improved car. We are in the parking lot and I type my address in the GPS. The GPS takes you on the shortest route. Well let me tell you the GPS took us down purgatory road. If anyone knows what purgatory means we were in it for at least an hour. The trees looked like they were going to swallow us. You couldn't see anything in front of you. I truly felt like we were right in the middle of a horror movie. We had random animals jumping in front of the car. The screams I was getting while driving was unbelievable and dramatic. Plus they had crazy rap music blaring in my car. STRESSFUL!!! I was trying to play it cool all the time thinking I was going to go into a full panic attack. All the sudden we come across this very narrow bridge with water running across it. I fear that we will get sucked up by the water...the kids yell we need to turn around. I don't want to tun around because we have already went so far on this path. The girl gets out of the car to see how bad the water is on this bridge. She gets back in and says it's not that bad. I go over it knowing if I go too far on one side the river will suck us in.....Did I say it was narrow????? Remember I have MS my shit ain't right anyway!  We make it over still trying not to hit the wild life. GPS tells me to turn left. I turn left a second to early, you can barely see in front of you on this road. We end up turning a second to early into a residence. A residence that kind of looks like the Texas chain saw movie, run down house, junk everywhere, bad cars with punched out windows, a dim light in the window. The kids all start to scream. I want to scream and panic too. I don't I back up and take the next left. We finally end up in Wimberly which I know.


We stop to get gas. I want to walk into the bathroom and scream at the top of my lungs to release the stress of that drive. Hub's has the neighbor over watching the basketball game. Being the perfect wife I am I get them some beer. I pop the hatch to put the beer in. There is no room with all the kids stuff. I hand the beer to Blake to put on the floor board. As I'm doing this one of the kids is rolling down the window saying....I know that guy. I look over and there is an officer talking to the kids in the back seat. I don't know if he saw the beer sitting in my kids lap up front. He asked him to roll down the window so he could see who all was in the car. Of course the beer is still on his lap and not on the floor board. This kid does nothing fast plus I usually have to tell him five times what to do. I'm trying to tell Blake under my breath put the beer on the floor while smiling at the man. So the officer looks at the beer and looks at me. He says to the kid in the backseat...is that your sister driving and then winks at me. The kids are all dramatically telling him about our trip down purgatory road. He finally walks away. I say...."Now how do you kids know him"? They say..."oh he is the officer that comes to our school and talks to us about not drinking". Priceless....the perfect end to a perfect day! If there is bad spelling and bad grammar I don't care....have a good laugh at me. I don't feel like proof reading this!