This was not the Mother's day I dreamed in my head as a child.

Mother's day morning my three little sweet things had cleaned the whole house. They made me breakfast in bed. Showered me with very expensive presents they had picked out. Then I woke the hell up!!!!! To the sound of fighting no less. I tried to stay in bed but the sound of the door slamming over and over was too much to sleep through. They were all scrambling to get to the lake. I stayed behind to get sandwiches and snacks ready. I was meeting them out there a little later. Somethings wrong with this picture right?????? We did have a very nice time at the lake though. Had a fight on the way home. I was feeling a little unappreciated being Mother's day and all. I asked them on the way home if they had shopped for me. I turned around to see a few deer in headlights. I noticed when we got home Aidan was scrambling to find something to re-gift me. They did have flowers, a gift card, and a card for me. I just think it would have been nicer if they had picked something more personal out. I am the only girl....."queen bee" rings a bell here. I guess it's more like queen of driving their asses all over and keeping up with all their shit. Bitter.....not yet!

There were two cards on the counter. One said Mom and the other one Kerry. I picked up the one that said mom first. When I opened it....it said  To my amazing Wife! At first I thought Hub's just put the wrong card in the envelope. That was until I opened it and the kids had all signed the wife card. They tried to talk their way out of it but I was having no part of it. Now I'm bitter! I had a mommy "WTF" moment and felt sorry for myself. I put so much thought into all their stuff. This was not the kind of Mothers days I day dreamed about as a child. This just didn't seem right. On a brighter note Cole did make me a very sweet poem at school.

Later in the night I was working on a previous blog post. I have always said my favorite part of blogging is feedjit. This is where you can click on and see what your readers "google" to get here. You can also see  what blog post they end up by what they "google". So I pull up feedjit for a laugh. Boy did I get one. It was such a great one I peed my pants just a bit. So someone "googled" "thinking about my death". When they googled this it brought them to my "for better or worst" post. This blog was all about marriage. I have no idea why when they "googled" that it brought them to that post. It couldn't have come on a better night though. I laughed harder than I did in a long time. I needed that laugh.

Something about the end of the school year makes kid go crazy. All my kids are not being the perfect angels that they usually are. Hub's had a softball game tonight. The little guys wanted to go. Since it was a double header it would have gone too late. Since it was Hub's last game I said they could go for the first one and I would pick them up. When I got there to pick them up Aidan freaked out. He wanted to stay for the other game. He swore up and down that we promised him he could stay. This just proves that kids only hear what they want. Hub's and I both tell him he is sadly mistaken. He gets in the car and we pull away. All of the sudden he morphs into worlds worst two year old.....he is nine btw! He sounds like a fricken seal yelping. I had spent my day getting our house ready to sell. So I'm not really in a mommy happy place. I tell him to stop or he will be grounded tomorrow. This makes him yelp louder. I pull the car over and tell him to get out and walk back to the softball fields. He can tell his dad why he is there. He gets out of the car and starts to walk. This is not really how I saw this playing out in my head when I said this. I make the best of it and I think....I will show him. So I drive away. The whole time I'm doing this the other two are begging me to leave him there. I say..."I can't do that, I just want to scare him". So we go up two blocks and turn around. I can see him. I keep thinking he will turn around to look for me. Not this stubborn one. He is walking and not looking back.


I pull up beside him and tell him he has one chance to get in this car or he will be sorry! He looks at me and starts to run towards the fields. Cole jumps out of the car and says..."I will get him". I sit there for a minute. I look at Blake and say..."What do I do now, this was not supposed to happen". He laughs. It's half sad and more pathetic that I'm asking a 14 year old what to do. I drive up to get Cole and him back in the car. What I drive up to is Cole and him having a knock down drag out fight. Blake jumps out of the car to separate them. He tells Cole to get in the car. He puts Aidan over his shoulder and puts him in the car. Can you say..."White trash". Aidan keeps trying to open the door and get out. At this point I have had it!!!!!!!! I tell Aidan....."Get out of the car and go tell your dad what is going on". I really think there is no way he will do this. He gets out and starts marching back to the field. I'm madder than a wet rooster now. I pull into a parking spot. Blake and Cole jump out of the car because they love when someone else is in trouble. So I get out and watch all of them run to try to be the first one to tell Hub's what is going on. Blake makes it there first. When I walk up Hub's looks at me and says..."come on Kerry this is embarrassing". I look at him and say..."Ya think". He then looks at Aidan and says...."If you know what's good for you, you will get in that car and act right for your mother". I watch in amazement as Aidan's eyes do not leave his. He shakes his head and says..."Yes sir". All I can think is....."Are you kidding me". I know this is late but happy Mother's day to all the Mothers out there, and good luck! Oh and for any haters out there! I love my kids more than I ever thought I could love anything. I'm just venting that they are not perfect tonight! I asked the universe for perfect kids and a multi million dollar lotto ticket. It just hasn't listened yet!

50 shades of get a grip!

 While Kelly aka.....Twisty was here we headed out to the barber shop. Not to get our haircut either. The barber shop is an old barber shop turned into a bar here. I got Kelly reading 50 shades of Grey while she was here. My friend met us out and brought book two for us. Our inner Goddess jumped for joy. We were on the hunt for a look at our famous resident here. I had seen him there two weeks before. No such luck. I tell you what though we were like the cat's meow in this place. It's kind of fun to be the cat's meow, it doesn't happen very often. The bar was not very busy. There were about seven guys in there. Most had their beer goggles on. Right away a round of drinks was sent over for us. I guess the guy had used the "F" word. He felt bad he said it in front of us. He was at the bar, we weren't even paying attention to him. We were too busy talking about 50! The "F" word really doesn't offend me anyway. Unless of course someone is telling me to "F" off. If I wasn't so distracted by the 50 shades conversation I would have said......."Thank you for the Fing beer". There is something fun about shocking someone.

 I don't know why but Kelly and I have a gift for attracting "tools". In this case we attracted the biggest drunk tool in the place. Kelly...aka...Twisty was caught trying to read in the bar. I sent the drunk tool over to call her ass out. This opened up the door for drunk tool boy. He walked back over with Kelly and sat with us. He talked as if he had a mouth full of marbles. Then he spilled his beer all over the table. Then he ordered another because God knows he needed it. We couldn't get rid of drunk tool boy. He was most annoying. He first told us he owned a body shop in Drip. Then he said he had lived five different places in the last year. Working at different body shops. My guess is he is full of shit about being an owner of one. I know why we can't get rid of him. Kelz and I have a hard time being mean to people. We don't want to hurt anyone's feeling. In this case we should have, he would have never remembered it the next day. Last time she was here we went to the barber shop. We picked up a tool in a wife beater that night.

The tool was starting to get annoying. So annoying that the bartender even stopped Twisty to ask her if he needed to leave. Twisty being the nice person she is tells him it is fine. We are trying to have a deep conversation about 50. We can't get the tool to shut up! We give him the book to read. This ended up getting rid of him. Should handed marble man that book as soon as he sat down. The guy was like a walking add for "do not drink too much". Twisted Sisters trip went way too fast as usual. I really have the best time when she is here. I wish we could live by each other.


Last night we went to our friends Rick Trevino's concert. The kids had a bast because they got to go back stage. They thought they were all that and a bag of chips. When I got them up for school Aidan...aka...pigpen didn't feel well. At first I didn't believe him. We had a little fight and then I realized he just might not feel well. I had to go to work. I let him sleep while I opened the model. It was cute the best dog ever was in bed with him. He had his paw over his chest. At lunch I picked him up and took him up to work with me. This is when I realized I had been snowed. We keep soda at my work. I don't keep it at my house for a reason. He has one and morphs right into a crazy person before my eyes. He is messing around the model driving me nuts. The builder comes in to work. We share an office. I tell him I had to bring Aidan in because he is sick. He grins at me and says......."yeah he looks real sick". It's one of those shameful mommy moments for me.

After a while it is time for school to let out. I work right across from the school. Cole walks over and is invited to go to the pool with friends. Aidan wants to go too. I tell him he can't stay home from school and then go to the pool. He is pouting and crying about this. He tells me I'm the worst mom ever. I tell him you have no idea what a worst mom ever is! He says...."yes I do it's you". There are times when you are a parent and you can't believe what a little shit you raised. You feel ashamed because you know you would have never said things like this to your parents. You would have thought that but never voiced your ignorant opinion. You feel guilty thinking...what have I done wrong. It doesn't stop there he tells me he is going to mess up my model to make me mad since I made him mad. MAD????? You have no idea how mad I can get. As far as messing my model up. Have at it kid, you will regret that. I can mess up your life no questions asked. I own your ass right now and we could have a pleasant short time together or I can make it hell on you. You choose, it's up to you! Yes, I did tell him all of this. He realized he crossed the mommy sanity line. Next thing I know he is hugging me telling me he thinks I'm a great mom and he is sorry. I stand off at first. He really chapped my ass. He keeps coming around the corner with this cute face asking me if I'm still mad. I tell him my feelings are hurt more than I'm mad. I'm really madder than a wet Rooster. His face gets me and we hug it out. His wife is going to hate me some day!!!!!

Hub's is a little late coming home from work. He had to drive a hour an a half to pick up my lost phone. Whole nother blog on that. I had called him and complained about pigpen when he was being mean to me. So Hub's gets up to my work. I'm deep into the second 50 shades of Grey book. Aidan is watching the Disney channel and eating all the candy in my model. I walk out with them when they are leaving. Hub's stops Aidan and says..."I heard you were pretty disrespectful to your mom today". Aidan pushes the line with me but never with Hub's. Aidan looks up at him like a deer in head lights and shakes his head. Hub's keeps lecturing him. He keeps looking at Hub's shaking his head with tears in his eyes. I want to take him and hug him. I know I can't because he was wrong and he needs to learn. Being a mom is just so hard. Hub's and I fight over stupid shit all the time. What I have always loved about him is he always calls the kids out if they are not respecting me. He has a lot of respect for his mom and that is a quality I looked for in a man. I always thought if a guy is not good to his mom he will be good to me. It's a respect thing for women. You never want to see your kids sad. You want perfect kids and a perfect life. Unfortunately that is not how the world works.


They leave and I go back to 50! I'm starting to really get what the big hoopla is with these books. I think most women have been in or are in a relationship where we want to change the guy. This girl takes one fucked up dude and changes him fast too. We are intrigued by this. This just doesn't happen in real life. The plus is the guy makes 100 thousand dollars an hour. Yes, they say that in the book. This is a women's fantasy. A guy we can change that happens to be a billionaire. This book also makes you feel the long over "new be" feeling. You know the feeling you used to get when you were first dating someone. The kind that makes you smile all day. The kind that makes you sing out loud in your car. The kind that makes you feel sexy. It's sad that, that "new be" feeling doesn't last!!!! It is like a drug. So a girlfriend of mine was in front of the model. I went out to chat with her. About 50 of course. I have everyone I know reading this. The very young "hot" guys are doing the lawn as were chatting. She is leaving and the young hot yard guys put on the sprinklers. I look at them and say...Hey are you trying to get me wet"? As this is coming out of my mouth I realize how dirty it can be taken. I really didn't mean it in the dirty sense. They laugh and I think.....get a grip, Mrs. Robinson! I don't want to leave work because I'm deep in the second book. I go back to reality. Back to fighting kids who can't find their SHIT.

I decide to take off for a bike ride. I borrow Blake's beats headphones. I blast the Pandora Adele station. I ride at sunset. I love riding at sunset, you see deer in front of you on the bike paths out here. I have to be careful because I have a bad habit of singing out loud when I have these beats on. Especially after a day of reading 50 shades. At one point I pass a ripped fine ass dude. I can't help but imagine something dirty. Remember I'm reading 50 shades, so give me a pass on this one!!!!! I have never seen this guy before. So don't worry I'm not imagining anyone I know Hub's! My imagination quickly goes south! I think damn muffin top is not sexy! I can never be naked in the light!!!! I would never be able to relax. Then that damn being raised Irish Catholic kicks in. When your raised Irish Catholic you are raised to feel guilty even about thoughts! You fear God! So my guilty pleasure was cut really short.


I have gotten a lot of readers on this blog recently. I know this from Feedjit. I love to look at feedjit. It tells you what readers are "googling" to get here. What feedjit tells me is there are lots of people "googling" famous penis. I wrote about that once. There are also lots of booger eaters out there. I wrote about that once too. I alway have this fear that I will have nothing to say, but there is always something with three boys, an anal hubby, and a perfect dog. I read back and I learn from my mistakes, I laugh at things I don't remember, I cry, I cringe at my spelling and bad grammar, and then I think on some never blog with a beer in your system. Holy hell I'm putting myself out there to be judged and talked about. Well have fun with that because I'm also giving my kids a book to read and teach them that life is not perfect, it is hard, and I try to write about true feelings. My oldest came down tonight as I was writing. We had a brief conversation about kids he knew that were doing dugs. I told him that kids will make you feel stupid for not doing drugs but you need to stay strong. He told me he was offered drugs. I was trying to stay cool but geez these kids are only 14. I was very proud when he told me he said he was not interested because of football. I got the summer football times and wanted him to not to play. Not after this!!!! I will give up my summer and get him there with bells on!!!!!!! Anything to keep my precious baby moving in the right direction!!!!!!! I really don't know what I did right with this first. I was really young and dumb when I had him. This kid has NEVER said I was the worst mom ever.
Of course he is no where near perfect either. I don't know where I went wrong with the other two. They have both said I'm the worst mom ever! More to come from these people I live with! So much more since a feedjit made me laugh out loud today!!!! Sorry again for bad writing...once again it's way too late to proof read.

"Time" to bring home the bacon!

Let me start by saying I think breastfeeding is a wonderful and natural thing. I believe it is beautiful bonding experience for mothers with their babies. With this post I am in no way discrediting breastfeeding. I don't want any haters coming after me for what I'm about to post.

All I have heard today is talk about the "Time" magazine cover. It prompted my interest so I "googled" it, imagine my shocked face when I saw some big kid "guzzling" it! I don't know if the cover screamed "MILF" or "Got Milk". It's a toss up for me. The evil genius in me thought a good title would be Milk of man pleaser! I don't know about you but I have never seen a hot ass mom in skinny jeans breast feeding her kid like this. I love the headline that says "Are you Mom enough?" Apparently not me! I think they could have gotten away with a headline reading...."Are you milf enough?" Not me! Who looks that good breastfeeding anyway. 

This prompted me to "google" some more. I knew it would be great giggling material with all the "haters" and  "know it all's" out there. They strive on this stuff. Don't get me wrong. Everyone is entitled to voice their opinion on this. But you know there are the one's that totally get their panties in a wad over it. These are the fun comments to read. The Los Angeles Times had and article I read. They said "the print industry really needed this cover to show they are still movers and shakers". The sick part of me laughs out loud when I read this. They ain't kidding about the "movers and shakers" part!!!! I wish my "movers and shakers" still looked like that. Los Angeles Times also says..."the cover shows breastfeeding in and up close and personal kind of way". REALLY, YOU THINK???? Personally it kind of pisses me off. I don't want to be in the grocery store with my already boob obsessed boys. I could just see it. I will be paying for my groceries. They will be behind me with their little shit eating grins giggling at it. I will get the stink eye from the perfect mommy behind me.

I kind of feel bad for the kid on it. As mean as kids are today this will lead to years of bullying. In my opinion of course. Do you think all the kids on the playground won't be offering him their milk money!!!! I think it would have been funnier if they would have had the kid with a shit eating grin on his face with a milk mustache. 

I do think this cover has pitted all the mom's with too much time on their hands against each other. Myself included! I even hate to say Mom's with too much time on their hands. As mom none of us really have too much time on our hands, Being a mom is the most important and time consuming job on the planet. 

Next I pulled up a Forbes article. The first thing it says is...."Time cover milks breastfeeding for all it's worth". You aren't  kidding Forbes......They are milking this shit all the way to the bank! 

Next I pull up a "Today" show interview with the mom and some Dr. Bill who wrote a book about attachment parenting. The first thing the person asks the mom is....." Did you not think this cover would cause a stir?". She says.......NO! Bullshit! How can anyone in their right mind not think this would cause a stir??????? She is giving blondes a bad name. Own it biatch.....You knew it would cause a stir and you would milk that shit all the way to the bank! I feel I have to say again this is my opinion and who am I??? Next she the MILF is talking about attachment parenting. This is apparently when your kid is attached to you 24/7. She is talking about her relationship with her husband. She says they still find time for them. The nasty side of me goes to the dark side. I think maybe this girl is on to something. Kid on one boob....hub on the other. She kills two birds with one stone! Some of you are thinking OH no I didn't just go there. But yes I did! Then the Dr. Bill chimes into the interview. He talks about having a family bed for your kids. I can't say anything about this. I couldn't get my first out of my bed for a long time. It was great when your too tired to put out. I'm all for that. My kids are too old for that now though. I have to resort to placing yeast creams in the bathroom when I'm too tired! He also talks about "Wearing" your children. This is where the mom wears the child close to their chest in a sack. This is going to be genius for smart marketing people everywhere. We can bedazzle our babies to match our outfits! They kind of get on him about the beast feeding kids till their six which is what he suggest. He defends himself and says..."if you were stuck on an island this is what you would have to do". Yes, true but WE ARE NOT STUCK ON AN ISLAND! If we were truly stuck on an island we would maybe have to eat the bedazzled baby! Alright, I just took that too far! I would starve to death before I ever ate a bedazzled baby or anyone for that matter. 

The thing that bothers me about this cover.....and I scream what bothers me. The Women in it has a strange stance.....her face screams bitch on wheels. The kid looks way older than what he is. He has an almost shocked look on his face. In my mind I imagine lights, camera, suck that boob. He does look like he gets his cookies with the milk. Boy did I just say that????  This does not scream to me nurchering mom bonding with her child. It screams your kids going to need good therapy when he gets in school and kids pick on him. Good thing she is making lots of money off this! I whole heartily believe in breastfeeding. I even believe it is a mothers choice how long she does it. Though I believe if they can talk the mother should pump that shit and serve it in a glass. But again that is my opinion. I don't think this cover reflects the true true picture of breastfeeding. It is for shock value only. I'm my opinion. I think a picture of a mother with a young baby being held like a baby in her arms, with them looking up at each other with a gleam in their eyes would show a bond. This to me screams uncomfortable for everyone. Just what I think again.

I texted some of my more colorful friends to get their reaction. I was surprised that some did not know what the hell I was talking about. I got one text that said...she is frickin hot...saw her interview! I got a text back from my Twisted sister that said " should have been me". I agree we would be laughing all the way to the bank! I think my favorite is what my friend Brian said. He said....the kid looked like he was stepping up to the fountain for a drink! I got a text that said...I think that is crazy shit. I called my mom and dad. I asked my dad what he thought. Now dad is the most conservative guy I know. He said it was ridiculous. As ridiculous as it is they are taking it all the way to the bank.......once again I write but I misspell, have bad grammar, and run-on sentences. In a perfect world I would have a wife and a ghost writer! I just wonder what "Oprah" thinks?????

Fredricksburg

My Mom...aka..Positive Patty and I headed into Fredricksburg for the day.

Ella...aka...the Golden Jerk decided to stay home with the boys and go swimming. What a poser...right???? I wonder who she gets that from.

Oh She is an "EDWARD" lover too! I can't imagine who she gets that from. Can you say brainwashed!

Right before you get to Fredricksburg there is the most amazing nursery. It is called Wildseed farm. It has 200 acres of flowers. It has a little shop there too.

There is also alittle wine, beer, and cheese bar. I should have known to steer Positive Patty clear of here! She is like a professional shopper. She takes FOREVER looking around!!! I'm the complete opposite of her when it comes to shopping. So while she shops I stroll around the gardens thinking about that 50 shades book.

Who knew there is a town named after me. I think I shall move there and become mayor. In my town it would be something similar to the stepford wives town. Except it would be the stepford husbands town. The husbands would act more like chicks. I would be drugging their beers of course. Oh wait it would be the stepford husbands and kids town. I would drug them all....evil laugh. The husbands would find all the shit their people could not find. They would act like dogs tails wagging when their masters came home. They would stay at home and do all the shit around the house. This is while their wives traveled and had adult conversations all day. They would quote Oprah and be as cute as Nate Berkus. They would hang on our words instead of asking the same question five times before they heard the answer. They would be too tired to put out at the end of the day. The kids would brush their teeth without being told ten times. They would pick the friends that you felt are good for them. They would have perfect grades and perfect manners. They would never be hurt or sick. We would all be rich and do great things for our friends and family. Last but not least the hot vamp would live in our town...my town. There would be no WTF moments of parenting! We would be doing what we truly loved and had passion for. OMG, someone stop me!!!! I'm going off the deep end again. Someone slap me back to reality.

Thinking about WTF moments of parenting....I of course had another this week. Cole came home yesterday. He said they were learning about inventions in school. They have to come up with one. He said his is a giant boob with a tube connected to it. This boob will produce milk for all the parentless kids in the world that don't have a mom to breast feed them. I'm seriously thinking WTF in my head! I'm laughing at the same time....but really????? What do his teachers think of me!

So I preach to my kids and on here not to judge people. I know good and well being raw and honest in this blog puts myself out there for judging. I always say people are judging you all the time. Most of the time to make themselves feel better. I saw a great post that said...Do not judge me unless you have walked in my shoes and do not talk about me unless you talk to me first. So true. I struggle with the judging thing as much as the next person. Someone called me out about making a judgement. There are few people that call me out. My sis and this person come to mind....My mom of course too...but that's what moms do. I respect their honesty. I feel I need to be called out when I do it so I can do better. I wish I had the courage to call people out. I don't really enjoy confrontation though. I feel bad because I was not the one judging but I was the one listening. I should have stuck up for this person. I will not blog about who this was it could be a family member or a friend.  It really doesn't matter. I just know I preach to my kids to be kind to people and never judge them. Yet I find in my forties I still making those mistakes! There are a lot of situations I have judged and found myself in the same situation later....Karma is really a bitch! I'm going to make an effort to be a better friend and a better person. People trust you with their secrets for a reason. They are not yours to talk about or judge.

Blake is still struggling with middle school drama. Don't think I don't want to act like a crazy person and fight his battles for him. Facebook for middle school kids is the devil. Kids say the most awful things that they would never say to a kids face. I check Blake's Facebook page like a helicopter mother. I see a cute picture of him in school. He has a big foam over sized hat on. The girl that posted it said fun times with Blake Cavender in class. I notice that there are  51 comments under this post. Of course I pull them up. There are boys saying "dislike", "Fagot", "gay boy"....and so on. I see my son who post......you don't even know me and why are you looking and commenting on my picture...who is the gay fag???? As much as I want to ring those haters neck I want to ring Blake's just as much. I have told him time and time again to take the high road and not fuel the fire. Don't think I didn't want to fight these haters on Facebook too.  He is right the kids that posted those comments are in high school and don't know my son. I wish that their mothers were watching their pages as I do. I would be so upset if I ever saw my kid bullying someone on Facebook. I don't even like the fact that he gave them the satisfaction of fighting back. I wish my kid knew that middle school and high school is a very short time in your life. It doesn't seem like it at the time but it is. The sad thing is I don't want these haters to change who he can be and break his spirit. I feel bad for kids now. It was hard to be in middle school and high school before social media. Can you imagine growing up now???? People judging you and making fun of you for everyone to see and put their two cents in. As we get older we get a filter...these kids have no filter. I have said it before......but because of social media we are raising kids that are going to have thick skins and that is sad to me. That should not happen at such a young age.

We as parents want to shield our kids for as long as we can from the evils of the world. We want them to enjoy their childhood for as long as they can. We don't want them to grow up too fast. To be in hurry to have their first drink or their first sex. Most us know they are too young for this. If only we could age in reverse we would all be golden. Well most of us. Facebook is in my mind making them grow up too fast. Now I'm a Facebook lover...junkie for sure. I don't use it to make fun of people though. I think for me it is you feel invisible at times and it gets you out there. I have loved the most reconnecting with people from my childhood. I'm an Irish catholic school girl. When you grow up in Chicago Irish catholic you go to school the same people your whole life. You know them well and know their families because your in church every Sunday with them. I love reconnecting with those people the most! My best childhood memories lay with them. Kinda of mad that the boy I loved all through catholic school is not on Facebook......just saying! I hope he is doing well even though he never gave me the time of day and I'm still bitter. But this is what I'm talking about. If I'm still bitter at 42 because a boy I thought I loved didn't talk to me.......what is Facebook doing to our kids????????? Maybe I'm a rambling crazy person but I think it is breaking their spirit. Can you imagine at the day and age when you took everything to heart seeing pics of a party your not invited to??? I breaks my heart thinking about this. Think about it....is Facebook ruining the person are kids are meant to be???? So sorry I know bad grammar and miss spellings plus rambling!!!!!!!

The Golden jerk arrives in golden jerk style

The Golden Jerk, which by the way is my sweet niece arrived in Austin Friday night in all her glory. She was super excited when she got here! We are too of course. I have tried not to like her. I'm jealous....she totally stole my Dad...aka...Grumps from me. I swear if she was in the room and I said...hey Dad I'm on fire. He would say....that's nice Kerry, did you see what Ella just did??? I can't help but be head over heals for her though. She has quite the big personality. She is super cute too. I crazy love her little voice.

The boys are blinded by her big personality and her good looks too. They just love her. They fight at night about who is going to read to her. All I think is REALLY....can't get them to read to save my life. This is proof that girls make boys do strange things. She loves them just as much!!! She calls them "the boys". It's funny because my other niece also calls them "the boys" too. I can think of some better things to call them. The Jerks, the pain in the asses, the ingrates, the tornadoes, the spoiled brats, the clueless, the destroyers, the mood killers, the ungrateful, the it's not fair boys, The where's my shit boys, the I didn't do it kids, damn, I am really rolling with this. I feel like someone should slap me. Alright I need to stop myself. They do have some good qualities. None come to mind at the moment. It's the weekend ya know. Maybe if I was writing this on a school day it would sound better. Don't get me wrong I love each one of them very much. They all have very different personalities. They are all the joy in my life, all the tears, and all the WTF moments for me. I often think....my God who raised you???? Oh yes, that would be me!

Oh the days when this it was just the three of us seem so long ago. The first eight years of my life were filled with these pictures! When your the only one for so long and then suddenly there are two more kinda scars you for life. You find the rest of your life yelling...hey look at me. When your the only one for so long everyone pays attention to everything you do and say. They hang on your words and what your going to do next. You kind of get used to that attention. Then you are in for a rude awakening when you end up in the background. I'm just mostly joking, I think. Maybe I need a good therapist....LOL!

We all head out to dinner Saturday night. I love when my family is here. See this picture, the one where my son looks drunk. This is why I DO NOT keep soda in my house. When my kids drink soda they act like drunks. Not fun drunks...which is what I am. Very annoying drunks. All of my kids are affected this way by soda. When Blake was little I warned my mother about this. She would give him soda anyway. Then she would see him change before her eyes. His eyes would change...no exaggeration. He gets this evil twinkle in them and then turns into someone we don't recognize. Now no one likes to admit when they are wrong but my Mom did say once......damn, your not kidding about the soda thing.

After dinner we head back home. Hub's and Grumps are early birds and go to bed. My mom, kids, and I are night owls. We stay up play music and dance around like dorks. Cole's friend comes over to spend the night. He loves our dance parties.

These dance parties are some of my greatest memories. We have so much fun dancing and singing. We belly laugh and just let loose! Ella has a great time dancing with the boys. She does dance a bit like Elaine  from Seinfeld but no one is judging here. This is usually a weekend ritual for us. I think it relieves lots of stress from the week. Sometimes when my kids are mad or freaking out, I tell them to dance it out. How can you not crack a smile or forget when your dancing????

They all finally went to bed and I continued reading 50 shades of Gray. Like I said before I like to read books that me think, the kind I can relate to. If anyone has read this it is a dark book but it is about being in love for the first time. Now don't get thinking that I had some bondage crazy crap in my past. I swear on my kids I never went down that strange road. The book makes me think of all the loves in my life.

I have had three great loves in my life. The first one came in high school. He was an amazing guy. With each of these guys I had an immediate instant attraction. With each of them I knew they were going to be something big. So the first one I was dating someone else. This happened with everyone of them. The guy I was dating took me to his friends house. Lots of his friends were there. This other guy and I hit it off immediately. It was back in the day when Madonna was huge. We were all watching MTV. Like a prayer came on and this guy and me danced and sang to it. It was all over after that. We spent every day together after that. We laughed all the time and really got each other. Jeez, we were so young though. He was such a great guy. About a year after being together he moved to Hong Kong. His Dad was a big wig with Motorola. If I remember right he had something to do with development of the first cell phone. I was heartbroken when he left. About a year later I was going to a community college. My friend Karen and I were walking through the campus when I caught eyes with a guy. It was him! He was back from Hong Kong living in his parents house with his older brother and sister. We picked up right where we left off. I will never forget during an intimate moment he grabbed my face held it tight and told me I want to marry you. He said I know your not the girl that will say yes because your the girl that wants to explore the world. I assured him that I would marry him knowing good and well that he was right. He told me never forget how we feel in this moment because there will be very little moments in life that we will feel like this. Boy I have to say he was an old soul, wise beyond his years. The funny thing is I never forgot that moment because he made me so aware of it.


We spent a few years years together. I think both our families thought we would marry. We had so many great times together. We had most of our first together. Because he was living in a house with his 20 year old brother and 22 year old sister we could get in lots of trouble together. I was a slow learner, I was not a girl who got drunk a lot in high school. I was a very naive young girl. I thought the best of people. He was by far one of the best people I ever met. We got really drunk or I should say I got really drunk for the first time with him. I had drove my car over to his house. We went to party where there was this watermelon soaked in vodka. I know now that I was too young to handle to it. I think I left the party fighting with him for what I don't know. After we left I puked in the bushes. I puked in a cup all the way home. I puked when we got back to his parent less house. I remember him giving me crackers and water. He called my dad because he knew I could not drive home like this. I remember being scared shit less. This was the first time we spent the night together. No juicy details since I drank myself into a not so sexy state. The next day I feared going home. My parents were surprisingly understanding. They were really happy with him for making that call. I think they will always respect him for that. He always had my best interest at hand. I did get a lecture from my mom about alcoholism running in my family. I was young and dumb though. In one ear out the other for sure.

Next came "the devil" as I will call him. The first was right. I needed to explore the world. I met the next when I was dating the first. He literally took my breath away. He was like a God that no one could get close too. I was going to break him.  He was by far the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on. He had an awful reputation. I was going to change that and get the guy. This is really where the book hits home for me. I was about the age of the girl in the book. I was super naive....aka stupid. I dumped the first because this guy stopped me in my tracts. Oh boy if the forty something year old in me could have ringed my neck  back to thinking like a normal person. I went after him like a crazy person. I was going to fix him and all his issues. At first he liked me but refused to stop dating other people. I did my best to be everything he could ever want. I did things I was not comfortable with to get his attention. I finally got the guy. The funny thing is....at first he did not want to be kissed. Red flag...hello!!!!  I did everything to morph into the perfect girl for him. The only positive thing I remember about this relationship is.....he did not tell me he loved me for almost a year. I really believed he meant what he said when he said it. The sad thing was him and I had a different belief in what love was. He was like a drug for me. I couldn't get enough of him. I loved him harder than I believe anyone ever did. He had a troubled past. Lots of Daddy issues. His dad had abandoned his mother and him at a young age. I got really close with his mom. She knew he was messed up and hoped for the best for us. I never truly trusted our relationship. The naive part of me wanted to believe the best in him.

For a while I thought I had got through to him. We moved in to together and I thought we were doing great. He kissed me even though at first he hated to kiss. He told me he loved me every day even though  at first he said he could not love. He opened up to me about all the awful feelings he had about his father leaving him and his mom. I thought I had really got through to him. We were young at the time. He at the time was in an no end job as a bouncer at a bar. I would go up and see him at night. I noticed this blonde that seemed to be taken by him. Let me tell you there is something to going with your gut. I bugged the phones in our house and on the first day realized he was sleeping her. I was shattered. I was dumb, the signs were all there right from the start. I let a really good guy go for this. Karma???? Maybe! This was my first true heartbreak, the one that broke me to a million little pieces! Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss! The lies I heard him tell her about me killed my spirit. I would never do this to someone! I could really write a book about all the awful things that happened with him. Omg, my new car could be a lifetime movie. Lets just say the day I got my first real new car with no help. I gave it to him while I was at work. He was supposed to pick me up from work in my new car. I got off work and stood out in the freezing snow waiting for over an hour. He finally showed up with some lame excuse of a friend in need. Turns out he did the unthinkable in my car while I waited with that awful blonde. Talk about being broken.  He changed me that day. You may think I'm being a drama queen but this man changed me into someone I did not know for a long time. He took my heart that I gave to him recklessly and stomped on it. He was so beautiful that my family members still talk about him. Funny thing is neither one of these first loves are on Facebook. I would love to know what happened to them. I only can hope that my kids never come across a devil in their lifetime.

After the "devil" broke my heart. I had a friend that was moving to Texas. I wanted to get away. Lots of friends had known this "devil" was cheating on me and decided to keep it to themselves. I kind of felt like the town joke. I don't like to get involved in people relationships. But for God sakes if someone was doing that I would have spoke up! I felt like a fool for sure. I decided to go to Texas to go to design school. I was not here long when I met Eric. Eric was a rich older man and beautiful. I told him about my heartbreak. He assured me that he had felt the same way and would never do that to anyone. We had lots of fun together. He was way older, my first red flag should have been he would host parties with way younger people than him. At one party Hub's was there. We talked a little, there were already red flags with Eric. We talked but I was still into Eric. I was waiting tables at the time while going to school. One night when I was waiting tables we were slow. They let me off early. I headed right over to Eric's house. He had an amazing house BTW! I rang the doorbell hoping I would be a great surprise. He answered covered in baby oil. The look on his face was shock. I asked to come in. As he said I couldn't I could see a purse next to his stairs. Maybe the fact the he was covered in baby oil should have been a clue. I still believe what people say at this point. Once again heartbroken I wonder why people don't tell you the truth. I found myself broken once again.  I wonder why he bullshitted me. Don't tell me I'm the only if I'm not! It's just not fair!

After that I kept running in to Hub's everywhere. I had a strange connection with. When we looked at each other it's like time stopped. Been with him half my life now....three kids later!!!!!! I guess things happen for a reason. I hope like hell my kids don't feel heartbreak like this in their time. I'm sad now because my oldest son has had some issues in middle school lately. He has hung out with the same group for several years. Two of the main leaders have turned against him recently. They are making fun of him and making middle school awful for him. I remember this stuff in middle school. I had a group I was in and someone was always on the outs in it. I remember when one person was cut from the group. I secretly talked to her because I felt so bad. I wish we could age in reverse because I would have told the other girls to get a life and get over themselves! I know we all have to go through this stuff in life. It hurts me to see my kid go through it. There is a relay for life thing tonight. My kid raised his 100 dollars to walk in it. It goes from 6pm to 6am. Today he told me he didn't want to walk. I told him he raised his money and he should. I get a text from him that read....Everyone hates me mom, I don't know why. They all of the sudden make fun of me. The way I look, the clothes I wear, the people I talk too. I don't know what I did. I don't want to deal with this. OMG, my heart broke when I read this, don't think I didn't want to go up to relay for life and slap some kids. I think it chaps my ass because we are and have always been "the house". I have had these kids here every weekend, feed them. driven then, talked to them, and have treated them like family. One of these kids had the nerve to say...Blake your mom is like a mom to me and I still love her. REALLY......you mess with my kid and your toast to me!!!!!!!! This all happened over a girl. Now don't get me wrong if my kid made an asshole move I would get it. I'm not the mom that thinks my kid does no wrong, but this case he really didn't, it is all over a girl everyone seems to like that he refuses to stop talking to. Venting...hell yeah!!!!!! I know there is bad spelling and bad writing but I'm madder than a wet rooster now and have no time to proof read!!!!!! I do think it's sad that I really want to fight with middle school kids at this moment. I just hate seeing my kid hurt.

I think when were parents we want a perfect life for our kids. We want them to have straight A's with no struggle, have perfect friends that never hurt them, and make all the right decisions, the kind that their 40 year old self would make!!!!!! Is that so much to ask for??????

The list

Being a Mother of three boys can be very challenging at times. I have lived most of my life feeling guilty. I think growing up an Irish Catholic girl causes me to feel guilty. I feel guilty that I'm not the best person for this job. Being a mom is a big job. A job you can not take a day off from. A job that you can't mess up. A job that you have to be on time for and never half ass it. A job that you can not be lazy about. Sometimes I yell and lose my temper with them. I have said things to them that I am ashamed of. I have ignored things that I was just too lazy to deal with. I have been a good example and a bad example to them at times. I have yelled and screamed but I'm a softy at heart. This means I have not followed through with punishments I should have. I know deep down that punishments are good for them. I think because I spent a lot of my youth being punished and I know how bad it sucks, I didn't want to do that to them. I have been their biggest cheerleader and their biggest failure at times. There have been times when they needed my un divided attention and I didn't have time. Since I'm writing this blog for them, though I forget at times and it becomes all about me, I feel the need to make a list. I'm not a "list" kind of gal. I actually hate list! Maybe if I liked them I would get this shit list that occupies space in my brain done. Anyway there are a few things I want to put on a list for them. I plan to give it to them someday and hope they will listen to what I have to say. I get that kids think their parents have no idea what they are talking about. It's almost sad that we realize our parents do know. It is often too late when we finally get this.

1....First and foremost I want them to be happy. I want them to do things that make them happy. I want them to surround themselves with happy people. I want them to remember their childhood hood as a happy place. I also want them to be happy adults. There is no time to be unhappy, life is too short for that.

I remember once in my early years of being married, Hub's and I were fighting a lot. My mom said something to me that didn't register at the time. She said be careful who you hang out with. She said if you hang out with happily married people it will help you. She told me a story about her and my dad. They had a couple they hung out with that had a bad marriage and were always fighting. She told me that when they would hang out with them they would always end up in fight. Over the years of being married I have found her statement to be true. When Hub's and I hang out with happy people we are happier. We have had lots of friends who have ended their marriages. When we hang with them we seem to fight more. Mostly because we are taking sides on their fights. We are never on the same side. I have always said I get that Men are from Mars and women are from Venus saying. Bottom line is we just think different.

2....Don't ever let anyone break your spirit. You can do whatever you want in life. With hard work you are no different than any successful person out there. You need to believe in yourself and you can do or be anything you want. Within reason of course. I want to be a singer. God did not bless me with a singing voice. As much hard work as I do at this it will never happen for me. The nice thing is there is always Karaoke for this!


3....Be careful when picking your friends. Even the really good ones will hurt you and disappoint you at times. You too will hurt and disappoint your friends at times. Most of the time they and you are unaware of if. You want to pick friends that have your best interest at mind. You also want to be a good friend to them. You will want to listen when they need you too and give them good solid advise. You don't want to hang out with people that will talk you into things you know aren't right. Be smart about this. The people you pick can make you or break you.


4....Don't be a liar.....there is nothing worst than a liar. There is some truth to that saying the truth will set you free. Once your a liar you break the trust of the people that are important to you. It's really hard to get trust back after it is broken. Keep your friends secrets...they are trusting you with them for a reason. If you tell the truth people will always respect you.

Now there is always the little white lie that is alright. The little white lie is when a girl asks you if she looks fat in something. Never tell a girl she looks fat! Never tell your wife she looks bad. It is alright to think these things but please the white lie is alright in these cases.


5.....Don't ever date a trashy girl. You may be attracted to a trashy girl because your men but never date a girl you can't take home to mom. Trashy girls have a bad reputations and they bring you down if you date them. Pick a nice girl that has respect for people and herself. In the long run you will respect her for her values. It is very hard to respect a girl who doesn't respect herself.


6...Treat people they way you want to be treated. There is never well almost never a reason to be mean to anyone. You wouldn't like it, so don't do it to anyone else.

7....Learn to do your part. There is nothing sexier than a guy who helps do dishes, laundry, and clean up. When you have a family you need to do your part. Even if your wife stays home! Being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing ever. You need to recognize this and help out. It is way easier to go to work.

8....Respect women and your elders. Be a romantic, open the door. Don't forget that the little things mean a lot. Tell your wife how hard she works, hug your kids everyday, treat your family as good as you want to treated. If you do this they will follow your lead.


9....Don't ever do drugs. There will be people in your life that will try and tempt you. Be strong and say No! Drugs are bad for a reason. They are addictive and they can take you on a path you can't kick. I in my lifetime have seen really good people go down this rode. It is really hard to get off of it. So I'm here to say please be strong...drugs are bad!!!!


10....Don't try are grow up too fast. Enjoy your innocence. Don't get in hurry to try your first drink or have your first sex. Your too young to really get either one of those. Never have sex before you are ready. Sex is a big thing. I never want you to have it because your friends are doing it. Never have sex with someone you don't have real feelings for. This will only cause you guilt and hurt that person. I didn't raise you to hurt people remember that. I get hormones get in the way sometimes but find other ways to release that. As far as drinking you are too young to drink before the the legal drinking age. You don't know your limits and can harm yourself. Never and I mean NEVER get into a car if your drank or the person driving drank. I know as a young person you think nothing bad will ever happen. But bad things do happen, I know countless stories to back this. You can always call me no questions asked. I will respect you so much for making a good call. I'm not stupid I have been in these situations at a young age. I didn't make the right decision at times but you live and learn. I will respect you 100 percent if you call me.


11....Be good to people. Never get in a relationship that makes you sad or hurts you. This is important. Any relationship you have will hurt you and make you sad at times. What Im talking about is the relationship that hurts you or makes you sad most of the time. You have no time for that. Don't marry the super hot high maintenance gal, marry the one the that makes you smile, makes you laugh, makes you think, and makes you happy.


12.....last but not least.....have a good life! Be aware of what you bring to the table. Pick your partner in life wisely. Being married and having children will be your biggest challenge in life. Remember it is hard to live with anyone.  Marriage is not easy. Thank God you didn't grow up in the day an age of 80's movies! Anyone you live with your parents, your roommates, your spouse, and children will get under your skin at times. It is a part of life. Life is not perfect. If you hold on tight it will work itself out. There are a few reasons for leaving if you marry, a liar, a cheater, or an abuser. If this is the case run for the hills! Please, please, don't you ever fall into one of categories if you do it means I did not do my job right! Don't give up the grass may seem greener on the other side. Remember this...... you have not been married, raising kids, paying bills, going through the good, bad an evil on the other side....of course it is greener! One wise man told me once Family first! This is so true.

I love my kids with all my heart....I can only hope they listen. It sure took me a long time to get this!  I hope they take this to heart! Btw, still hate "list"!