The list

Being a Mother of three boys can be very challenging at times. I have lived most of my life feeling guilty. I think growing up an Irish Catholic girl causes me to feel guilty. I feel guilty that I'm not the best person for this job. Being a mom is a big job. A job you can not take a day off from. A job that you can't mess up. A job that you have to be on time for and never half ass it. A job that you can not be lazy about. Sometimes I yell and lose my temper with them. I have said things to them that I am ashamed of. I have ignored things that I was just too lazy to deal with. I have been a good example and a bad example to them at times. I have yelled and screamed but I'm a softy at heart. This means I have not followed through with punishments I should have. I know deep down that punishments are good for them. I think because I spent a lot of my youth being punished and I know how bad it sucks, I didn't want to do that to them. I have been their biggest cheerleader and their biggest failure at times. There have been times when they needed my un divided attention and I didn't have time. Since I'm writing this blog for them, though I forget at times and it becomes all about me, I feel the need to make a list. I'm not a "list" kind of gal. I actually hate list! Maybe if I liked them I would get this shit list that occupies space in my brain done. Anyway there are a few things I want to put on a list for them. I plan to give it to them someday and hope they will listen to what I have to say. I get that kids think their parents have no idea what they are talking about. It's almost sad that we realize our parents do know. It is often too late when we finally get this.

1....First and foremost I want them to be happy. I want them to do things that make them happy. I want them to surround themselves with happy people. I want them to remember their childhood hood as a happy place. I also want them to be happy adults. There is no time to be unhappy, life is too short for that.

I remember once in my early years of being married, Hub's and I were fighting a lot. My mom said something to me that didn't register at the time. She said be careful who you hang out with. She said if you hang out with happily married people it will help you. She told me a story about her and my dad. They had a couple they hung out with that had a bad marriage and were always fighting. She told me that when they would hang out with them they would always end up in fight. Over the years of being married I have found her statement to be true. When Hub's and I hang out with happy people we are happier. We have had lots of friends who have ended their marriages. When we hang with them we seem to fight more. Mostly because we are taking sides on their fights. We are never on the same side. I have always said I get that Men are from Mars and women are from Venus saying. Bottom line is we just think different.

2....Don't ever let anyone break your spirit. You can do whatever you want in life. With hard work you are no different than any successful person out there. You need to believe in yourself and you can do or be anything you want. Within reason of course. I want to be a singer. God did not bless me with a singing voice. As much hard work as I do at this it will never happen for me. The nice thing is there is always Karaoke for this!


3....Be careful when picking your friends. Even the really good ones will hurt you and disappoint you at times. You too will hurt and disappoint your friends at times. Most of the time they and you are unaware of if. You want to pick friends that have your best interest at mind. You also want to be a good friend to them. You will want to listen when they need you too and give them good solid advise. You don't want to hang out with people that will talk you into things you know aren't right. Be smart about this. The people you pick can make you or break you.


4....Don't be a liar.....there is nothing worst than a liar. There is some truth to that saying the truth will set you free. Once your a liar you break the trust of the people that are important to you. It's really hard to get trust back after it is broken. Keep your friends secrets...they are trusting you with them for a reason. If you tell the truth people will always respect you.

Now there is always the little white lie that is alright. The little white lie is when a girl asks you if she looks fat in something. Never tell a girl she looks fat! Never tell your wife she looks bad. It is alright to think these things but please the white lie is alright in these cases.


5.....Don't ever date a trashy girl. You may be attracted to a trashy girl because your men but never date a girl you can't take home to mom. Trashy girls have a bad reputations and they bring you down if you date them. Pick a nice girl that has respect for people and herself. In the long run you will respect her for her values. It is very hard to respect a girl who doesn't respect herself.


6...Treat people they way you want to be treated. There is never well almost never a reason to be mean to anyone. You wouldn't like it, so don't do it to anyone else.

7....Learn to do your part. There is nothing sexier than a guy who helps do dishes, laundry, and clean up. When you have a family you need to do your part. Even if your wife stays home! Being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing ever. You need to recognize this and help out. It is way easier to go to work.

8....Respect women and your elders. Be a romantic, open the door. Don't forget that the little things mean a lot. Tell your wife how hard she works, hug your kids everyday, treat your family as good as you want to treated. If you do this they will follow your lead.


9....Don't ever do drugs. There will be people in your life that will try and tempt you. Be strong and say No! Drugs are bad for a reason. They are addictive and they can take you on a path you can't kick. I in my lifetime have seen really good people go down this rode. It is really hard to get off of it. So I'm here to say please be strong...drugs are bad!!!!


10....Don't try are grow up too fast. Enjoy your innocence. Don't get in hurry to try your first drink or have your first sex. Your too young to really get either one of those. Never have sex before you are ready. Sex is a big thing. I never want you to have it because your friends are doing it. Never have sex with someone you don't have real feelings for. This will only cause you guilt and hurt that person. I didn't raise you to hurt people remember that. I get hormones get in the way sometimes but find other ways to release that. As far as drinking you are too young to drink before the the legal drinking age. You don't know your limits and can harm yourself. Never and I mean NEVER get into a car if your drank or the person driving drank. I know as a young person you think nothing bad will ever happen. But bad things do happen, I know countless stories to back this. You can always call me no questions asked. I will respect you so much for making a good call. I'm not stupid I have been in these situations at a young age. I didn't make the right decision at times but you live and learn. I will respect you 100 percent if you call me.


11....Be good to people. Never get in a relationship that makes you sad or hurts you. This is important. Any relationship you have will hurt you and make you sad at times. What Im talking about is the relationship that hurts you or makes you sad most of the time. You have no time for that. Don't marry the super hot high maintenance gal, marry the one the that makes you smile, makes you laugh, makes you think, and makes you happy.


12.....last but not least.....have a good life! Be aware of what you bring to the table. Pick your partner in life wisely. Being married and having children will be your biggest challenge in life. Remember it is hard to live with anyone.  Marriage is not easy. Thank God you didn't grow up in the day an age of 80's movies! Anyone you live with your parents, your roommates, your spouse, and children will get under your skin at times. It is a part of life. Life is not perfect. If you hold on tight it will work itself out. There are a few reasons for leaving if you marry, a liar, a cheater, or an abuser. If this is the case run for the hills! Please, please, don't you ever fall into one of categories if you do it means I did not do my job right! Don't give up the grass may seem greener on the other side. Remember this...... you have not been married, raising kids, paying bills, going through the good, bad an evil on the other side....of course it is greener! One wise man told me once Family first! This is so true.

I love my kids with all my heart....I can only hope they listen. It sure took me a long time to get this!  I hope they take this to heart! Btw, still hate "list"!