It's come to this.

Tonight Blake had a choir winter concert at school. One of the boys in the choir asked me if I was someones Mom. I said yes, I'm Blake's Mom. He said I knew you were his Mom because you two look alike. At this point I look over at Blake to smile because I thought that was nice. What his he doing rolling his eyes in disgust. I guess a boy really doesn't want to hear he looks like his Mom.

They do a little warm up before the concert starts. I walk up to get a few pictures. Does Blake smile at me??? Hell no he gives me the stink eye and mouths to me.....STOP IT. I think to myself this is what it has come to.

He would be the one with the shoe in his face here. Who is this Child???? He is not that sweet little boy I raised.

Wow, he looks thrilled doesn't he. See the boy to his right. Well last concert I photographed him thinking he was Blake. Mom of the year may need some glasses.

Seriously??? This is getting ridiculous. It's going to be a long few years. Unfortunately I will have two more following this creep.

I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way but these things are painfully boring. Of course I like to watch my child that is when I am spotting the correct child. But he sings for about ten minutes of the hour and a half show. I find myself looking around the room seeing if I know anyone. Then I am fascinated by the guy next to me shoe size. I don't think I ever saw one that big. I find myself wondering if there is any truth to that foot and hand size thing. The concert lets out at about 8:45. Blake and I ride around looking at Christmas lights stalling in hopes that the little ones will be asleep when we get back. We roll in about 9:15 now their bedtime is 8:30 so this is plenty of time for them to fall asleep. Not so much, we came home to total craziness. Hub's was fighting with Cole who was still doing his homework and Aidan was running around like a monkey. A girls work is never done. For once I'd like to YELL hey people the super girl cape is in the laundry tonight and I'm off the clock. So I get everyone organized and the two little guys in bed. Blake asks me not once, not twice, but three times where things of HIS are. I catch myself about to say.....if it was up your ass you'd know where it was.

The last few weeks I have THOUGHT about starting to run. I blame all these work out barbies I live around for this thought. Can't we all just be fat and happy??? They have guilted me! I'm jealous of course. Well today I finally ran. I ran my ass to the door after the doorbell rang at 7:30. I ran my ass as fast as I could out of my bed. It was the people who pick my kids up for school. We had totally overslept. I politely say we over slept sorry. Then I'm like a crazy women running up stairs yelling at the kids to get out of bed and to hurry. I give them a half frozen waffle on the way to school and kick their ass out of the car. Mom of the year I tell ya. I did run once more today it was after my dog got out. I ran my ass after him because he always heads right to my neighbors yard who one time asked the police if he could shoot him if he's on his property. Only in Texas! There's always tomorrow.

Portable North Pole

There is a great web sight where you can fill out some info about your child and Santa will send them a personal E-mail. This is great to keep your children brainwashed. Ya know, everything goes to hell in a handbasket after you realize there's NO Santa. You start to see the world for how evil it really is. Then you realize when your parent's told you they took your pet to the farm they were also full of crap. BTW, the web sight is The Portable North Pole.

I love to see the kids faces when Santa tells them he is going to come to Austin to see them. He also talks about what grade their in, what they want, and even their best friends name.

See their faces here. Not smiling anymore! What I love most about this web sight is you can have Santa tell them they are on NAUGHY watch. You can even have Santa tell them what they are on NAUGHTY watch for. A little Santa fear never hurt anyone. It just makes us as parents be able to use Santa to our advantage. BTW, these two are for sure on NAUGHTY watch.

So I'm cleaning the house for the cleaning ladies to come tomorrow. I know crazy right??? I get this from Mom....aka..Debbie Downer. I come around the corner to find these two in the window because our neighbors alarm is going off. Yes, Aidan...aka...worry wort is Naked in the window. Now I cropped his moon out of this picture in fear that child protective services will come after me. I saved the full on moon for future blackmail. I say to him why are you up in the window with all your stuff hanging out for anyone out there to see. He looks at me like WHAT????? Then he says....but somethings going on out there. Great but put some clothes on before you show the world your junk. I have to admit if I had zero fat and a tiny ass I might too be up in that window naked. Since that is not the case the neighbors do not have to worry.

'Twas the week before X-mas

Last year during my kids X-mas break they inspired me to re-write 'Twas the night before X-mas.


'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the house,
The Children were stirring, even that mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes they would come in handy for some good Santa scare.


The children were defiantly not snug in their beds,
While visions of cocktails danced in my head.
My hair stood up wildly, while Hub's was at work.
I had just settled in for two weeks of farts and burps.


When up from the top floor there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
(But first I must relieve my bladder.)
Up the stairs I flew like a flash, through open the door and
through my hands up in the air in a mad dash.


The house was now quiet, when what should appear.
Three little boys looking at me with great fear.
You boys better stop misbehaving or just as you fear,
those toys in the attic will soon disappear.


They knew in a moment I meant what I said.
More rapid than eagles they soon ran away.
I lost it, I shouted, I called them by name.


NOW, BLAKE, COLE, and AIDAN
You should all be ashamed.


They ran up the stairs and they bounced off the walls.
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all.


And then in a twinkle it sounds like their on the roof.
The prancing and pawing of each nasty hoof.
As I drew my head it felt like it was spinning around.
The children don't know it but they may be Chicago bound.


I was still dressed in my PJ's, I'm definitely no snoot.
My clothes are all wrinkled and I smell like a toot.
Exhausted and tired, I lay flat on my back.
I look like a women who is about to crack.


My eyes are all bloodshot, this is not at all merry.
I think to myself why the hell did I lose that cherry.
So many times today I had to grit my teeth.
The headache is surrounding my head like a wreath.


I have stress on my face and a muffin top belly.
I think to myself when did it all turn to jelly.
I feel chubby, not bubbly, not jolly or right.
When I look in the mirror I feel pure fright.


Another wrinkle round the eye makes my hair stand up on my head.
It just came to my attention I have much more to dread.
I spoke not a word as went right back to work.
I filled up the washer and felt like a jerk.


I walked by my Hubby as I laid my middle finger cross my nose.
I think to myself why the hell didn't he bring me a rose.



I sprang into to bed and he gave me that look.
I think to myself how can I get off the hook.
He started complaining, this may be a fight.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

Merry X-mas, Kerry

A day in Chicago

It's been a few days since my last entry. I haven't been feeling it if you know what I mean. I have been down about my Grandma and just haven't really felt like writing.

After Grandma's funeral we stayed an extra day in Chicago. My twisted sister had the idea for all of us to head downtown. Me I would have been fine in the warm house watching TV. I'm not used to that cold weather anymore.

Of course we come from the family of ass dragers so we don't get going till after noon. A morning gal I will NEVER be and I'm alright with that.

This is little jerk that stole the Grump from me. I think I will write a children's book about her and title it.....The Grinch who stole my Grumps. He doesn't even know I'm in the room when she is around. I'm not used to being ignored for God's sake. He's always talking to her and trying to get her attention. I could say....hey Grump I'm leaving these people I live with to run off with my Vampire and he would say "that's nice". Bullshit I say! If she wasn't so damn cute I would totally take her down. I will get you back someday Grump and I bet it's when she hits the terrible twos. Grumps has zero tolerance for bad babies. That is how he got his nickname.

Here's another one blinded by the little jerks charm. Cole is like the baby whisper. Kids love him and he is so good with them. I bet he will make a great Father some day. SIDE NOTE.....I'm writing my blog right now and Hub's is watching Pearl Harbor for the 500th time I shit you not! So I'm sitting here and I can pretty much quote the movie word for word and I'm not even looking at the TV. I'm sick of him hogging my TV, especially when he is watching the same shit over and over. Now Aidan is in my face telling me I would get into a lot of trouble if I were in school. I say why??? He says because you are typing with one hand. I tell him that's how I roll and to take a hike.

Were finally ready to roll downtown. Mom....aka...Debbie Downer does her normal ritual before we leave the house. She drags her ass upstairs while we all wait ready to go. She checks and double checks to make sure the doors and windows are locked. She asks Grumps a few silly questions. She gets out a big ass box of gloves and hats so the kids can have a fashion show while trying to decide on one. You think she would have learned by now hand them a hat and a pair of gloves and be on your way. Oh wait she has more hats upstairs so she goes to get those as well. I guess the twenty hats on the table were not enough to pick from. We are finally all suited up and she has to use the restroom now! I just laugh as Grumps rolls his eyes.....for this is the story of his life.

We drive to the L train to go downtown. Grumps and Debbie are like the blind leading the blind trying to figure out the ticket situation. They have to call the L lady over for help. They look like total tourist. No one would ever believe that they both grew up in the city.

Aidan says....We don't see our breath where we come from! Thank God for small things. All you Cub fan readers who are criticizing his Sox hat right now.....you can Suck it! Grumps is the only one in his big family who is a Sox fan. We are trying to win him back from the little jerk by making him happy with our Sox apparel. The little Jerks Dad is a huge Cubs fan so she will never sport anything that says SOX. One point for the Cavender clan on that one.

We get downtown and we go to see the giant tree at Macy's. This to me will always be the giant tree at Marshal Fields because that's what it was when I was a kid. I used to go downtown with my Mom and her Mom to see Santa and eat under the tree. I remember thinking this tree was so giant and beautiful. It still is giant and beautiful. It brings back many memories for me. For this is when I learned to shop like a rock star with Debbie.

Of course we have to see Santa. Believe it or not we got right in! NO line, I can't believe it. I remember being a kid and waiting in the long Santa line for EVER.....What has happened???

The boys always love shopping with Debbie because she loves to buy shit and always cracks under pressure. They know they are going to break her down and go home with some useless crap. Now me as much as I like to shop, I also like a deal. I rarely pay full price for anything. Debbie is another animal she likes to pay full price because she says she knows quality then.

We go to eat under the tree at Macy's. No Line! I remember waiting forever to eat at that restaurant as a kid. Maybe it's because it's Tuesday. They have this girl dressed up as a princess going to the table sprinkling the kids with magic dust. I look over at twisted sister and say she looks anorexic. Twisted Sister says to me she looks like a ghost because she is not only skeleton like but she is also white as a dead person. The little Jerk looks at her and offers her the roll she's eating and says eat bitch please. Now this is in no way making fun of people with eating disorders...just sayin.

Cole just loves Grumps.....I really don't know why! I guess he doesn't get that we have all become shit since little jerk arrived.

Check out the girl behind us.......her hand looks odd.

We ask the waitress to get a picture of all of us under the tree. Here we are but I really don't see the tree in the background.

The baby whisper helps Ella get bundled up for the super cold weather in Chicago. Notice there are smurfs in the background. Note to self....hold on to your shit everything seems to resurface some day. I may get rich off something. There are many things I wish I had held on to.

I love this picture. The tree was amazing. I'm so glad the twisted one talked me into going downtown instead of TV. Side note Hub's is still watching Pearl Harbor......as if he is in the theater. I want to yell turn that shit down I can't concentrate. I totally blame any bad grammar, run on sentences, and to and too puck ups on him tonight.

We head out of Macy's to the cold as shit streets of Chicago. It is a beautiful city, especially at Christmas.

We are checking out the Macy's windows. Now I'm a bit disappointed they are not as elaborate as they used to be. Bad economy...Puck u! The twisted one of course has to act like she's picking poor Virginia's nose. I see therapy in her future. Maybe we could get a family rate.

Now of course I need to get in on the action. I think I will put bunny ears over Virginia's head. As you can see the twisted one did not direct me correctly. I did a much better job directing her nose picking picture.

We head over to the Kris Kringle market downtown to do some shopping. Poor Ella is cold as shit.

For Gods Sake, even the pigeons are cold in Chicago. We really do laugh our asses off over the pigeons warming their feathers downtown.

This is the famous "BEAN" that reflects the city.

This is the beautiful tree at the Kris Kringle market. LOL, just googled "Kris Kringle" to make sure I was spelling it right.

While at the Kris Kringle market the twisted one got this cow hat. I see this as a cry for help. She might as well have a giant sign over her head that says.....LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME! She is a bit of an attention whore. BTW, she learned everything from me. Though I would not sport a cow hat in fear that someone would say MOO! I think I might crumble.

AWWWWW, ice skating downtown, never did it but it looks like a lot of fun.

The city is just beautiful but cold as shit! So ready to get back to 80 degree weather in Austin.

While visiting the BEAN we come across this. Ellen, Ellen DeGeneres that is, is filming the worst X-mas sweater ever show. In my perfect world I would be the next Ellen minus the lesbian, I would be the Ellen with the half dead billionaire with the hootie on the side...just sayin! Twister sister and me run to see what all the excitement is about. Now I'm a HUGE Ellen fan. Twisted sister and I went as Ellen and Porsha for Halloween. We so wish we would have known this was going on because we would have won this shit! Anywho we watch and laugh. There were some great BAD X-mas outfits. This goes back to me sayin hold on to your shit! I supported some God awful X-mas sweaters in my day.

Now Twisty and me can spot a hottie a mile away. She looks at me and says....look at that guy! I say yeah I already have spotted him. She says get a picture. I say already got it. Sad thing is he looks GAY! Damn it all the super hot ones are GAY.

Look at the little jerk trying to get that "hey look at me hat". I really might take her down. Cute and all I'm just plain fed up. Give us a little you little jerk!

Ok so the little jerk is so amazingly beautiful, I will give her that! I can't stop taking pictures of her.

Damn it, if she can't sport some X-mas PJ's like a rock star.

The day we are getting to leave Chicago it is snowing, The little guys are super excited since they rarely see snow.

This is the picture we took as we were getting in the car ready to go to the airport. SNOW....Awww glad I'm leaving it...them not so much.

Thoughts of my day..........Thinking I'm going to go on Craig's list tommorow and look for a pop up camper. I will park it in the backyard with a TV and a Laptop and live happily ever after. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, I'm to tired to proof read.....I blame Hub's anyway! I was on FB today which to me has become pretty boring, I was tempted to comment GAG on a few peoples status updates, but then I realized I'm feeling like a downer because of Grandma and I should not be an asshole because of it!

Missing Grandma

We ended up flying out Saturday to Chicago. Aidan was finally fever free. I had to take Aidan kicking and screaming. Not because he didn't want to go but because he has inherited my crazy overactive imagination. He is scared to death to get on that plane. Now I am scared shitless of flying so we really don't make great travel companions. With much time spent talking Aidan off the ledge and trying to keep myself from going to the ledge we board the plane. I look over at Aidan and he is quietly sitting there with tears in his eyes, shaking, while reading the safety manual. This kills me, he is way to young to carry this kind of stress. I myself spend way to much time worrying about "what ifs". So the entire flight I am talking Aidan out of his worry. Meanwhile what's going on in my head is not pretty. I feel like my brain is spinning and it is really making me dizzy. I can't control my thoughts of what I will do if the plane crashes, wondering what will it feel like, and wondering how I will handle this situation with the kids. Then my thoughts shift to the fact that it will kill my parents since we are flying in for my Grandma's funeral. I start to wonder where will our services be????....Chicago, Dallas, or Austin. I wonder about Blake I think he and Hub's may kill each other without me there. All this craziness makes my head spin. I'm starting to get nauseated, hot, and feeling claustrophobic.


While landing all the sudden the plane shoots up in the air at full speed. The strangest sensation is running through my body. My kids eyes shoot over to me and they look like those cats you see with the giant eyes on those greeting cards. I tell them everything is fine but I want to scream at the top of my lungs right now. I look around to see if the other passengers are as freaked as me. The lady next to me is definitely shaken up. Our eyes meet each other and she also looks at me like one of those cats. The flight attendant sees my face and says everything is alright. Sure it is they are trained to say that. Things seem to settle and damn if it doesn't happen again! I think Oh God this is it! So we end up landing safely and I can't help but wish I was a stoner going through life at ease and not on edge. The funny thing is I am writing this entry as I am sitting back on the plane waiting to take off to go home. All that crazy shit is back in my head. Aidan seems to be alright though. I really do hate to fly and could puke about now.


Anyway back to my original story. After we land in Chicago Dad..aka...Grumps is waiting for us at baggage claim. I always love to see his face. This feeling of safety and comfort comes over me. We drive back to his house. Now we didn't tell my Mom that the little guys were coming. She is in the basement when we get there. The basement that houses every game, toy, and piece of clothing we ever owned. She is finally getting rid of some stuff. The little guys run down to surprise her. She is so happy to see them. Now she is calling me into the basement to show me a skirt I wore in a wedding when I was 26. The damn thing is about the size of my right upper thigh. Thanks Mom...ake...Debbie Downer for that. I would have been fine if I never saw that. Of course I have to try to put it on. The damn thing won't even go over my hips....bullshit I say!!!! Side note....Turbulence sucks....just sayin! I wonder if anyone else on this plane feels like they are about to burst with panic. I really wish I could be put under when I fly and wake up when this shit is over.

When writing this blog I really try to see the humorous side of things. This post is not humorous at all. Since I am writing this for my kids it is important to me to include these thoughts. Sunday Morning Kelly...ake...twisted sister picks me up at 11:30. We head to my Grandma's house to put together picture boards for her wake. I'm choking back the tears as I walk into her house. I see the empty chair sitting in the kitchen. For years when I would walk in the first thing I would always see was her sitting at the kitchen table waiting for us. Her eyes would always light up when she saw us and she was always so happy to see us. I still can't believe she is gone forever. I knew it was coming but it hurts so bad. I find myself trying to recall every memory of her. I wish I could remember everything.


We arrive at the wake and most of the immediate family is already there. Most of us have swollen eyes and look slightly tired. . I'm nervous about walking up to the casket. I really hate seeing people in caskets...it's so final. When I get up there all I can think is I wish I would have told her more how much she meant to me. I'm thinking about the last time I saw her. All I could do is hold her hand, cry, and tell her I love her. I had so much I wanted to say to her but I couldn't get it out without crying. I played in my head what I was going to say to her over and over. Then I start thinking about my childhood trying to recall every moment with her. I spent a lot of time with her as a child. She lived across the street from my school so I went to her house before and after school for years. Those were the happiest days of my childhood. She used to make me mac and cheese every day. I remember when I was old enough to go to my own house I was really disappointed I wouldn't be going to hers anymore. Now I think...why didn't I just keep going. I loved going to her house. She really was my favorite person. She never made me feel bad about myself or sad, she was always so good to me. She always loved me no matter what was going on.


When she first got sick I happened to be on the phone with her. It was right after the Doctor came in to tell her she had cancer. She told me she had just got bad news. After she told me what was going on I started to cry. She said.....Don't cry or worry about me...I should be crying for you and all you have been through. This was so typical of something she would say. After a few weeks went by she had her first chemo treatment. I was on the phone with her and she started to cry. She told me she was in so much pain and she wanted me to pray for her to get better. I knew then it must have been really bad because it was so unlike her to say anything that would make me worry about her. We were going to Chicago in a few weeks and I couldn't wait to get there so I could hug and kiss her. I knew the boys always cheered her up too. I spent the next few weeks sitting on my patio at night after everyone went to bed trying to make deals with God so he would take her cancer away.


We drove to Chicago the last week of June. Grumps was nice enough to make the trip with us. When we got there Grandma had gotten something called C-diff. This meant that the kids could not see her. It also meant that we had to put a gown and gloves on. We could not touch her because she was highly contagious. This was heartbreaking because all I wanted to do was give her a kiss and a hug. The kids didn't see her the first two weeks we were there. They finally got to see her, when they did her eyes just twinkled when they walked in the room. We thought we were finally in the clear and we could visit with children, hugs, and kisses. The C-diff came back though. We did have the kids come up for her 87th B-day. We all celebrated in a private room with family, cake, and presents. It was great because she was so happy that day. The second to the last day we were in Chicago the home she was in made an exception and let the kids come in her room. They had to wear gowns and gloves but they got to say goodbye. We knew that she would not make it till next summer when we came back because she was so sick. I'm thankful that the place she was in recognized this and made an exception. The kids left and I stayed behind to say all those great things I wanted to tell her. Like I said before I could not get any of it out. I sat cried and we held hands through the gloves. She rubbed my hand and told me how much she loved me. I told her how much I loved her and how I hated that she was so sick. When I left that room I felt deflated and just plain depressed.

She got really sick the week before Thanksgiving. It sounded awful, I'm glad I did not see her that way. I did question why someone who was always so good was going through this kind of pain. She passed away on Thanksgiving morning. Now Thanksgiving for me will be the day that I will be thankful that I had the most wonderful Grandma ever. I'm lucky that I had her in my life for so long.

At the wake my cousin Jenny made the most beautiful DVD of all the pictures from her life. It was fun to look back on all the great years and memories we all had with her. Monday morning was her funeral. It was cold and slightly rainy which is exactly how I was feeling. We went back to the place where her wake was to say our final goodbye. The mass was at Immaculate Conception. I went to grade school here. The church looks the same to me. As I'm sitting there I am filled with memories of my childhood. It's funny because I dream a lot at night and a lot of my dreams are about my Grandma's house and Immaculate Conception. I guess because these are some of my greatest memories. I am teary eyed through the entire service. After communion I walk past her casket and I just feel overwhelmed by my emotions. I start that uncontrollable ugly cry. The kind where your whole body is shaking. I just loved her so much and I want more time. It sounds selfish I know but I can be a little selfish unlike her. My sister does a beautiful reading about her and she totally holds it together. She reads something from my Grandma's journal and something my uncle Jimmy wrote about her.

While graveside Cole all of the sudden starts to cry out loud. At first I think is he kidding because he has not cried all day. He was for real, I felt so bad for him. I think it finally hit him hard when he saw them put her in the grave. He really loved my Grandma. I'm so thankful that he got to spend time with her when she was alive.

After the luncheon we head back to Grandma's house. My aunt Margie wanted me to pick out something of hers to take back with me. It feels strange walking around her house looking for something to take. All I want is for her to be there and for everything to stay untouched. I finally settle on a statue of Mary, one of her rosaries, and a crucifix made of match sticks that had been on her wall for as long as I have been around. A few of us our there talking about all the old memories. It's funny thinking she raised so many kids in this house. She always had extra people living there too. Whether it be some relatives or one of the kids friends who was on the outs with their parents. These people were always welcomed in her house with open arms. I wish I was more like Grandma because she was amazing and giving. She was not at all materialistic. Now I am flying home feeling empty inside. My crazy mind is all over the map. I'm again thinking what would it feel like to crash. I can't help it, this kind of stuff freaks me out. I feel just a little more comfort than usual because I have that statue of Mary under my seat with the rosary and the crucifix. Not to mention I have the most amazing angel watching out for me.


While writing this we are flying through turbulence and I am thinking bumps in the road...get a hold of yourself. We only have thirty minutes left in this flight. I would really be pissed if I made it through 90% of this flight and went down in the end. I am going to miss my Grandma more than I can put into words. I'm going to try to be a better person because of her. I'm thankful that I came from somebody so wonderful. I only wish the good things in our lives could last forever. Grandma's should be around forever in a perfect world. I spent a lot of time writing all this on the plane crying. I bet the people around me are wondering what the hell I'm writing about. They are probably thinking I'm a total freak.

I could really write a funny blog about the people on this plane. I'm thinking who are the people that I'm flying with. It's a little jingle running through my head right now. Ten minutes before landing I'm thanking God and Grandma for getting me home safely. Then panic sets in and I think don't count your chickens before they hatch. There is still ten minutes for this bird to go down in flames. I was reading my Grandma's journal last night. I was happy that when she was talking about me she knew I loved her. She was talking about how I went to Germany my first year when my Dad was in the service. She said when I came home I only wanted my Mom. Then she goes on to say that I warmed up to her quick and she became one of my favorite people. She said I would just follow her around all the time. Thank God we landed safely just another two an a half hours wasted on "what ifs".

Thoughts of my day are if a neurologist ever got a hold of this he or she would probably think I would be a great case study for over thinkers.

I wonder how many days I took off my life stressing about flying.

I also wonder if my Grandma is up there with her parents, brothers, my Grandpa, her children she lost, her grandchild she lost, and her friends. It is a comforting thought. I hope there is no pain, no cancer, and lots of love up there. I always hate when people say they can feel their loved ones that passed away. I can't feel her and I want too. I will miss her everyday.