'Twas the week before X-mas

Last year during my kids X-mas break they inspired me to re-write 'Twas the night before X-mas.


'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the house,
The Children were stirring, even that mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes they would come in handy for some good Santa scare.


The children were defiantly not snug in their beds,
While visions of cocktails danced in my head.
My hair stood up wildly, while Hub's was at work.
I had just settled in for two weeks of farts and burps.


When up from the top floor there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
(But first I must relieve my bladder.)
Up the stairs I flew like a flash, through open the door and
through my hands up in the air in a mad dash.


The house was now quiet, when what should appear.
Three little boys looking at me with great fear.
You boys better stop misbehaving or just as you fear,
those toys in the attic will soon disappear.


They knew in a moment I meant what I said.
More rapid than eagles they soon ran away.
I lost it, I shouted, I called them by name.


NOW, BLAKE, COLE, and AIDAN
You should all be ashamed.


They ran up the stairs and they bounced off the walls.
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all.


And then in a twinkle it sounds like their on the roof.
The prancing and pawing of each nasty hoof.
As I drew my head it felt like it was spinning around.
The children don't know it but they may be Chicago bound.


I was still dressed in my PJ's, I'm definitely no snoot.
My clothes are all wrinkled and I smell like a toot.
Exhausted and tired, I lay flat on my back.
I look like a women who is about to crack.


My eyes are all bloodshot, this is not at all merry.
I think to myself why the hell did I lose that cherry.
So many times today I had to grit my teeth.
The headache is surrounding my head like a wreath.


I have stress on my face and a muffin top belly.
I think to myself when did it all turn to jelly.
I feel chubby, not bubbly, not jolly or right.
When I look in the mirror I feel pure fright.


Another wrinkle round the eye makes my hair stand up on my head.
It just came to my attention I have much more to dread.
I spoke not a word as went right back to work.
I filled up the washer and felt like a jerk.


I walked by my Hubby as I laid my middle finger cross my nose.
I think to myself why the hell didn't he bring me a rose.



I sprang into to bed and he gave me that look.
I think to myself how can I get off the hook.
He started complaining, this may be a fight.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

Merry X-mas, Kerry