Who am I?

See this image of me above??????? Now this is me on Halloween. The sad thing is this is how I feel everyday now. Right now while I'm writing this I have a kitchen full of drunk men! Thank you Hub's. They are kind of funny on one hand an annoying as shit on the other. Wondering why men scream at each other while sitting across from each other while drunk. Wondering if women act the same way. Kind of makes me never want to drink again. They think they are funny but not so much. They talk shit just like a bunch of girls. Wow it's loud in here. They are all laughing loud as shit. Kind of want to chuck a beer at their heads. Now they are all talking like Hitler loud as shit laughing their ass off. Don't know how one could hear each other over the other. They are all talking at the same time. They just raised their glasses for me. I my have raised my finger under the table but they sure did not notice. Mixing drinks with a butcher knife is something I can say I have never seen till tonight. If they say it is "on like Donkey Kong" one more time my hair might just stand straight up. Just went to the bathroom and the seat was up! While I sat there I imagined giving someone in this house a swirly! So I may have a life-size Edward and Jacob cardboard cutout. Hub's thought it would be funny to bring them out and kick them in front of his friends. Guess who is not laughing. Yep that would be me!!!!!!! Annoying!!!!

So anyway, I went to the girl's basketball game to get head shots for buttons. I thought it would be a good idea to volunteer my time. As much as I love to give back it is a lot of time. I really like being involved in the kids things! That is until I lose 100 dollars worth of pictures in the parking lot. I did football action shots all season. I had run and got frames, put some of my best action shots in the frames. Had 100 dollars worth of stuff. I'm leaving and a mom who ordered a picture stops. I set the bag of framed pictures next to my car. Get home later, go to get the pics out of the car and they are lost in translation. I realize I left them next to the car in the parking lot. I get the kids back in the car and drive back up there. No bag, no pics! I hope like HELL someone found them and turns them in! I feel like I have been a good person and deserve someone to find those pictures and return them. More to come on that!

On our way home we stop at Mickey D's I have super sized my ass in several weeks of sports with fast food, why stop now. After we get home, add calories to my ass and drive back up to try and find pics. I try to get the kids in bed. Hub's at this time is out for GNO...otherwise known as Guys night out. For some reason my kids fear him at bedtime but not me. This cracks me up since I can fly off the handle way more than Hub's. Cole comes down after being put down for an hour. He is whining about not being able to sleep. I morph into a two year old and start a full on screaming two year old tantrum. Then a crying fit follows. I can't believe how I'm acting. Ashamed, embarrassed, ridiculous. guilt ridden, are a few things that come to mind. It's like I have zero control of my emotions. Even while I'm having my freak out moment I know it and I can't control it. I have an evil twin and it is called Mental pause! I don't even recognize myself lately and I don't like it. If I don't get a hold on this I'm going to ruin my not so perfect children.

So after I calm down I go upstairs to find Cole sleeping. I kiss him 100 times. He wakes up a little. I tell him I am sorry for yelling at him. How do you explain to a ten year old it's a hormone thing????? I'm going out tomorrow to get some hormone cream to try and nip this in the butt before I ruin these people I live with. Now the drunk guys who happen to be neighbors, so no one is driving. They want me to get in a hot tub. Are they kidding????? I have three people to get up and get out the door for school. We are not in college here for Gods sake!

So back to me! Laugh out loud. I don't know whats going on with me. Well yes I do" hormones". I feel like a prisoner stuck in this body. I don't know when I'm going to be up or down. I don't know what is going to set me off and it's frustrating. I cry at almost everything. I go back to bed after I get my kids off to school. I force myself to get back out of bed because I just feel plain blue. I want to workout but I just can't seem to do it. I feel like I just don't want to get up and do the same thing over and over, ground hog day if you will. My house that is usually put together looks like a hurricane went through it! I have no desire to fix any of it! I need to get out of this funk because it is not me and I don't like it! If anything this was a deep dark look into the super fun thing called metal pause otherwise known as menopause. Sorry for bad grammar and misspelling it's called Metal Pause!