Sign wars!

Any of you who follow this blog know I have a crazy ass neighbor. So the other day I'm out in my backyard helping my kids build a football goal post out of pvc pipe. I know what your thinking....what a great mom I am! I have my moments. Truth be told I'm building this to get them the hell out of my house! This will cause then to spend hours out there trying to get the football through the thing. This for me means shit TV time for me. The crazy ass neighbor gets drunk off his ass every night and blast music. While I'm out there working he puts on....She's a black magic women. I start to dance around and sing because I can see him peeking at me through the fence. He then changes the music to a christian station. This always cracks me up. Maybe he should listen to what the Christians are singing about. A little time goes by and I hear something. I turn around and he is nailing a smiley face to his trellis facing my house.

This is a picture of his fence that faces my house. He added another smiley face.

He also has a private property sign and one that says....It's too loud your too old. Another neighbor called the police on him a few nights ago because his music was blaring. I guess he thinks it was us because that sign went up the next day.

While doing some after Halloween shopping I came across this cardboard Frankenstein. I know I'm just bending down to his level by putting it in my window facing his house. Four years of this shit had gotten old. I want to piss him off too now. I'll take him down when he takes his shit down.

Later that night I go back to the yard to put up the field goal. There are now two smiley faces back there. I guess he is getting drunk making these things to hang. The signs really don't bother me. It's the barking at me from over the fence, It's the fact that he yells "fuck you" at me when he sees me, and the fact that he gets a camera out and takes pictures of me while I'm in my yard. What makes me the most mad is he scares and intimidates my kids. He keeps their balls if they go over the fence and then calls the police. We were at a German fest this past weekend. BTW, he is German with a strong German accent. No offence to Germans I happen to be German too. My youngest son passes a booth where they are selling balls. He looks at me and says....Why are they selling balls here, Germans hate balls! I say only the German next door hates balls. It's sad that he thinks Germans hate balls but this is what he has grown up with.

Blake...aka...the nasty ass teenager! Comes home from school and wants to get some new Xbox game. He has the money but he needs a ride. I tell him he has to vacuum the whole house first. To my surprise he moved chairs to vacuum. I'm shocked to tell you the truth.

Aidan....aka...pig pen!!!!! This kid insist on wearing white all the time! I'm going to start buying his clothes at the salvation army. Kid has a closet full of non white clothes but manages to come down in white everyday! This would be fine if he wasn't such a pig pen.

So I'm walking over to my other neighbors house and I see this in my neighbor....aka...the Germs driveway. Kind of looks like a body in a body bag. I walk into the other neighbors house and say....the Germ has a body in a body bag in his driveway as a joke of course. My neighbor starts to laugh because when he got home he told his wife the same thing. Sad thing is they have their house on the market because of him.

There is this thing on my blog called feedjit. While my sister..aka..Twisty was here a few weeks ago she told me you can click on that to see how people are getting to your blog. I thought most people were friends and family who read this. I guess when people "google certain things it brings them to my blog. I have become obsessed with clicking on this. Not because I'm wondering where my readers come from. It is because there is always something that cracks my ass up on there. So here are my top ten favorites this week. And yes this is only one week of crazies!

1.....Brown seed like things in my bed and on my clothes when I wake up. Don't know why this brought them to my blog. I have never woken up with brown seed like things in my bed! Though in my younger years I once woke up with something that I might have rather had brown seed like things! Now I find myself thinking about what the hell and why the hell someone is waking up with brown seeds in their bed!!!!!

2.....What time do hillbillies go to bed. Really what kind of crazy ass googles this!!!! Everyone knows hillbillies go to bed when the moonshine runs out!

3.....I fucked my Berlin neighbor. Really you google that???? Why do you have to google that after you do something like that? My crazy overactive mind starts to think...is this person married screwing their Berlin neighbor. What is their story I want to know. What I want to know more is why that google brought them to my blog.

4....Does something happen to you if you eat boogers? Now I know what brought them to my blog on this one. I brainwashed my kid into thinking he would turn green if he ate one and blogged about it. What I am thinking is what gross person is googling this question. Does he or she have a booger in their mouth while they google??? Food for thought!

5......Anal, 2011! Now I know exactly why this person landed on my blog by googling anal 2011. It's because I call Hub's anal boy. Bet they were slightly disappointed when they landed here. I have a feeling this was not what they were looking for.

6.....Tighty whities in the rain. Once again I know what brought them to my blog. I once blogged about my Dad...aka..Grumps waiting for me after a late night out in his tighty whities. Once again I believe this googling person was disappointed when they landed here.

7....GD physicals. Now I agree physicals suck but would never use Gods name in vein. I can cuss like a sailor which drives Grumps crazy but I never mess with Gods name. Wondering why in the world my blog would pop up when you google that.

8.....foot fetish.......Starting to think there's lots of strange ass people out there!

9......bunny has sores on anal. Thinking Hub's is anal brought them here. Wondering why someone is checking a bunny anal anyway. Hope they don't eat that one!

10....I'm not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn, I'm a casino where the lucky one takes a spin. OMG, Snookie reads my blog!