The Golden Jerk is in Austin

Last night my twisted sister and Ella...aka....the golden jerk were supposed to land at 10:30pm. Their flight was delayed, delayed, and delayed. Joe.....aka......lost in translation and I do a little yoga. I did talk him into doing it with me. The problem is he made me laugh the whole time so I don't know if I got much benefit from it. Since Dr OZ says laughing adds years to your life I don't kick his ass. I was just trying to get some energy because I knew I would be making a midnight run to the airport....actually a one O'clock run. Finally on my way to the airport I'm blasting music and singing at the top of my lungs. I end up driving next to an ambulance and I can see everything going on in the back. Being the nosey girl that I am I drive right behind this sucker so I can watch what's going on back there. I see the person back there is 40ish but I can't tell what their doing to him. The person is awake so that's a good thing plus their not driving with the lights on which is why I can drive right behind them and look in. I wonder about this person in the back and what happened to them. Did they fall, have a heart attack, stroke, broken arm, etc,etc,etc. See how crazy my overactive mind works. Anywho, I get to the airport and the golden jerk is wide awake. She is as cute as ever and gives me a big smile.

When we get back to my house I'm really excited that she is here. That is until she projectile vomits all over my kitchen. Twisty, lost in translation, and I were in deep conversation at the top of our lungs, as Hub's would tell me the next day. All the sudden Twisty is screaming and I mean screaming......SHE'S PUKING, WHAT DO I DO SHE'S NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. Me, I'm frozen not because I don't know what to do, but because I can't believe the Twisted ones reaction. After my frozen state I can't stop laughing at Twisty. Hello you hold them till their done, clean them up after, kiss them, get them situated, clean the mess., and grab a cocktail because it's going to be a long 24 hours. I'm a frickin pro at this sick stuff. The Twisted one has a lot to learn. First of all don't scream at the top of your lungs in a frozen state while something bad is happening to your child. This will mess them up and you will be the one to pay for your short comings in the future. Not to mention she probably really freaked the Golden Jerk out by her reaction. BTW, Twisty is the reason I have a puke picture on here which is why I call her the Twisted one. Me, I only like pretty pictures.

So the night before we blamed the plane or her being up so late for the vomit issue. The next day she really doesn't look any better. Totally out of it and not her Golden child self. BTW, if I get this nasty projectile pukes I have mixed emotions, one I think I hate puking, two I think maybe that would get rid of unwanted belly fat.

What do Twisty and me do?????? We leave the sick jerk with our Brother and go out and act like a few ten year olds. It's funny while we are racing through the hood on these motorcycles I can't help but think how cool it is to be a kid. No worries about paying bills, getting old, or raising ungrateful kids. I think I like this. I may just act like a ten year old from now on. We run into a neighbor who happens to be a stay at home Dad right now. I ask him if we would like to have a play date. He says...yes give me a call. I ask if his wife would mind. He says...why would she mind???? I say....because were hawt...why else! Totally joking by the way. I don't think he gets my humorous side. So we go back in for a bit and then we ride these things to go get Cole and Aidan from school. As big as assholes as we look they love it. They get on the back and we ride home.

After the kids are home we go outside, that's right all you Chicago readers we play outside in January here.

Did I ever tell you I have the best dog ever?????? I always say this but I may just like him better than the people I live with. At least I have done one thing right in my life.

As sick as the jerk is she is still the cutest jerk I have seen. I'm so happy she is here. Today was spent with family and much laughter.

My kids are just thrilled that the jerk is here sick or not.

After hanging out outside Twisty and me head to the local...well kind of local HEB for food for a few days. While there the HEB has a strange pick of music on the over head. There is some seventies song about a gypsy, so I come around the corner doing a gypsy dance trying to embarrass the Twisted one. Can't knock her off her game all she does is laugh. We come home two hundred and fifty dollars later, I hope Hub's doesn't read this till next month! What do my kids do?????? They act like they have never seen food before and get a taste of everything. This is why I had to get a job and I don't like it!

Later that night I get everyone to do some yoga. The funny thing is is I have gas so I gas them the whole time! Now all of you that say I can't believe she just said that......we all have gas from time to time, who better to release it on then family??????

Enough with the pics I have gas for Gods sake! Anywho my Twisted sister spent her day hijacking my facebook. She put things on my status like....I wish I was more like my sister. She's funny and smarter. Oh well I guess I'll just have to settle. Anyone who knows me knows I would never admit to defeat even if I was defeated. Ignorance is bliss for Gods sake. What cracks me up is the cheerleaders that wrote things like.....your not that bad, your funny too, your beautiful, (BTW, I love that one) you are who you are and I like you just fine. I did not write this crap people, I have never written crap like that on facebook. Then my Brother wrote on my status....Kinda feelin down, if I only had a head on shoulders as good as my brothers......All I have to say to this is GAG. If you think I wrote this you don't know me at all! BTW, these siblings of mine stole my thunder because I started the facebook hijacking with my brother this week. All I have to say is they are always riding on my coatails.

Strays

I woke up to get ready for work. Aidan who was supposed be at sleep over came home early. I guess he wanted to have a sleep over with the dog. He's a little bit of a home body, I hope he gets over this soon. Mama needs a break!

I come home from work for a break and my Brother....aka....the greatest brother ever, cleaned my whole house. What a nice break this was. Little does he know all his hard work will be for nothing. These people will come in and tear this house up in no time.

I pull up from work and Cole is in the front yard trying to get this little dog on a leash. I walk up to him and ask what's up with the dog??? He says it's lost and Dad won't let it in. He tells me he does not want the dog to get hurt so he is staying with him till the owner comes by. I'm thinking Hub's has brought home a few stray dogs....oops I mean friends in our younger years. Who is he to say the dog can't come in. There was a time when one of his friends would get thrown out by their girlfriend. Guess who would get a Jack ass house guest that was kicked out for good reason staying with them indefinitely??? You guess it ME! So is he really going to turn a dog away. I come in and tell him....this is my house and the dog stays or you go. Well not really, I had Cole walk in first to make sure Hub's was not in the kitchen. Coast is clear so we run through the kitchen and put him in the yard.

Now the dog is not being very smart. He keeps looking in. It's a matter of time before Hub's spots him. I'm sitting at the island trying to make a sign to the dog to go hide. Of course he's a dog he doesn't get it. This just makes him scratch at the door. Hub's walks in the kitchen right past the door complaining about the dog Cole tried to bring in. Stray dogs always seem to end up in front of our house so this is not our first time with one. I think I have brought in at least nine that I can remember, plus a cat once. He is standing at the sink telling us stray dogs could bite us or they could have rabies, diseases, fleas, etc, etc, etc. All the sudden the dog takes a leap for the door trying to get in. OMEGosh, cats out of the bag or the dog for that matter. He looks at the door and then he looks at me with much love and admiration....HaHa Well not so much but it sounds nicer.

Caught a picture of his face when he spotted the dog. KERRRRRRYYYY WHYYYYY is the next thing that came out of his mouth. WHAT was I supposed to do leave the baby in the dark street????? WERE NOT KEEPING IT.....is the next thing out of his mouth. Then all the rabies, fleas, disease, crap is flying out of his mouth. The kids are now arguing with him that our dog needs a friend and all their friends have two dogs, why can't we. Hub's says there will be only one dog in this house and that's final. Cole pops up with the...there's four against one here. I tell Hub's I'm switching his name to Grump. Cole asks Hub's why everything is up to him. Then Hub's gets this look in his eye, I know what he's about to say and I'm not a fan of this statement at all. Here it comes he belts out with the famous....... who pays for this house. Well shall we salute your paying for this house ass when we come in.....is what's in my head. I say who do you think runs this palace and keeps all the knights taken care of in this house you pay for???? THAT would be me, sometimes I'd rather being paying for the place rather than keeping it running smoothly.

Anyway this dog was wreaked havoc on this house in it's short time here. I get on facebook and post a picture of the dog. Cole lets our dog out to hang out with our new found friend. Next thing I know Cole comes in crying because the dogs don't like each other. In the meantime within minutes of posting his picture on facebook the owner is found. All this fuss for nothing. By the way I know the owners, I thought this dog looked familiar.



After we get the dog back I make the kids some cheese sticks for dinner. Mom of the year dinner over here fer sure. Who would have thought that cheese sticks could cause another all out brawl in this place. Lets just say I live with a bunch of cheese stick counters. If someone gets an extra one their going to let you know about it. I want to take one of these cheese sticks and stick it where the sun don't shine. I take a deep breath and take care of yet another ridiculous fight. These people are really driving me to my breaking point.

While talking to Mom.....aka......Debbie on the phone she has moved on to bad animal stories. I guess she ran out of bad people stories. First she tells me about a chihuahua that almost got snatched up by a white tailed eagle. The good thing is the owner was screaming and fighting the eagle and the little dogs coat saved its life in the long run. You would think that one would only know one bad animal story per day, Not Debbie. Next there was somebodies pet ferret that ate seven fingers off a baby. Wait there is another bad animal story. There is a lady who owns a dog clinic and a young man stole a 1700 dollar Yorkie out of it. They are super worried this young man will not know how to take care of this high maintenance doggy. Grumps went home today and I was sad. My Brother is staying for a while longer. My twisted sisters plane is delayed so it looks like I'll be heading to the airport around midnight. I can't wait to see Ella....ake...the little jerk who stole my Grump. More to come from LaLa land later.

Grumps has a weekend visit

Dad...aka...Grump is here for the weekend with my brother Joe....aka...Lost in translation. Now the Grump has not at all been Grumpy this weekend. Maybe it's because he was held up in the man cave Saturday and Sunday drinking beer and watching football. What more can a man want???? Me I was pretty much the beer bitch for all these men. It was me and five guys all weekend plus some of Hub's friends who stopped by for some man time in the man cave. Sunday after I went for beer again I got home to find out Blake needed to be taken to mall. Can I do anything else for you people??? While driving Blake and his friend to the mall they put on a rap station. I have an "Ahh haa" moment while driving. I know all the words to every rap song which just means I'm driving this kid around way too much. The sad thing is after I drop them off I listen to the rap all the way home and I like it. Scary right???? After the mall I settle in for a little Hoarders and wait for the golden globes to come on.

Monday morning I get up and go to work. Grumps takes the kids to a movie. After work we play some X-box Kinect. That picture above is my brother kicking my ass on dance central. WTF, I can't believe this. Who know this kid could move like that.

Before dinner my brother and I head out to the workout center in my hood. Hell yes, my workouts are still going strong. I'm going to totally kick my cousins ass in this competition. Now I did fall off the workout wagon this weekend but I blame house guest on that. Between getting beer, cooking food, and driving people around I had no time. Oh yes, and the mindless TV I needed to watch did not help at all.

Joe and me get to the workout center. He gets on the bike and I decide I'm going to do the elliptical machine for an hour. At least that's what I thought I was going to do. I'm on this thing for five minutes already tired and ready to quit. I say to myself alright lets start with 30 and work our way up. I should have known better since I only made it on the bike 30 last week.
Mind you there's a seventy year old guy on elliptic just down from me kickin ass and taken names. I'm trying like hell to look like this is a walk in the park for me. I can't let this old guy know he's smokin me. He keeps looking over at me smiling because he knows he is smokin my ass. At ten minutes all that's going through my head is......I think I can, I think I can. At fifthten minutes I know I can't. That heart moniter starts to blink really fast on the machine. Me not really ever having worked out before and not knowing what the crazy blinking heart thing means thinks it's telling me I'm about to have a heartattack. I get off and have a slight panic attack. I tell Joe I need to go home. He wants to stay so I tell him I will pick him up in 30 more minutes. I feel my heartbeat on the way out and it is pounding. I think shit I'm really going to be pissed if I have a heartattack. I get home and ask Hub's what does the beeping heart thing mean on the machines?????? He tells me it means you got your heart rate up to workout rate. I tell him OMGosh, I thought it meant get off the machine your about to blow. So tomorrow I will know better.

We do some more Kinects. Love that game. Workout and spend time with your kids, brilliant. I wish I came with this crap. Cole had a friend over so I had to drive him home at nine. I don't know what's up with me but I'm super happy. I have a smile from ear to ear. Is it the workouts????? Maybe, maybe not! I'm driving him home and that song......You make me feel like dancing...going to dance the night away is going through my head. I'm dancing in the car while I drive. Who knew working out could make someone feel so great. I kind of feel like skipping through my hood yelling....skippity do dah, skippity day, my oh my what a wonderful day! Maybe it's the fact that Grumps is here, I do love spending time with him and Joe.

After taking Cole's friend home the people in my house tell me they are starving. Me being in the great mood I am, I'm going to cook them... yes.... a second dinner. This is when I realize the bad part of working out makes me want to eat like a horse....WTF. Another post from LaLa land. My Grumps leaves in the am....BOO HOO, but the twisted sister is coming with the little jerk, WOOO HOOOOO! Once again sorry for miss spellings, bad grammar, and to and too puck ups. This chick is way to lazy to check this.

George Strait

If you can believe it I have no pictures to go with my post. Last night Hub's and I headed to the George Strait concert with another couple. Hub's made me leave my camera behind. I kind of felt naked. We all had a great time. The highlights were seeing people being taken away on stretchers. I'm not really a country music fan so this was all about people watching for me. I'm just glad I was not one of the drunks that fell on my ass and had to be taken away. At the end of the night not one of the four of us was in the condition to drive. We took a cab home. At least we know at our age not to drink and drive. While at the concert my Dad.....aka....Grump had flown in from Chicago with my brother...aka....lost in translation. I remember in the cab thinking the Grump is at my house. I must act straight. I don't know why at forty I still don't want to disappoint him. I think I play it cool. At one point I'm in the kitchen trying to have a totally intelligent non slurring conversation with him. I still think I'm doing just fine. Of course showing up in a cab should have been my first clue that he's got my number. I walk the Grump upstairs to put him to bed, so I could have that extra beer I need. He hands me two big ass bowls of cookies, some Fannie May candy, and popcorn from my Mom.....aka....the food pusher. While walking down the stairs one of the bowls of cookies topples over. PUCK, is what's going through my head. I just hope the Grump has not heard this. Cookies everywhere! So my Brother and I scramble to get the hairy cookies that we will feed to the kids put back in the bowl.







The next day I wake up and that damn Britney Spears song is playing over and over in my head. Ya know the one "oops I did it again". In my defence this MaMa don't get out much and when I do I try to act like I'm still in my twenties. Well actually I probably get out more than I should but who's counting? I always seem to forget that I'm getting to be an old ass and my body gives me the big Puck You after a night like this. I miss my kids game. So I'm laying in bed feeling like Mom of the year. Guilt is a big issue for me and I got lots of it when something like this happens. I finally get up at 11am look in the mirror and scare the shit out of myself. The Grump is in the kitchen making coffee. I walk out and he tells me we were all feeling pretty good when we walked in last night. Yep, my tails between my legs like a HS girl who just got caught with her pants down. He says he wants to take us to lunch. I say sure, not telling him that the thought of food makes me want to puke.









Later in the day my Brother and I head to Cost Co. While in the car belting out a Katy Perry toon I realize I want to be Katy Perry, I'm totally serious people! The only thing I would change about being her is I would not be married. No offence to Hub's of course. BTW, going to be married for fifteen long years this month. Yeah for me! Then I panick because I think I have butt dialed someone. This would not be the first time I have butt dialed someone while belting out a toon at the top of my lungs. I was cheated ya know. I really was supposed to be a rock star. Thank God I didn't butt dial this time. Hate that Iphone sometimes. While in Cost Co I realize I will never go back there on a Saturday again. The place was packed and the people with carts were annoying as HELL. They act like their the only people in the store. We finally check out and are headed to the door. There is the family of 25 in front of us lolly gagging away in front of us. I say......Come on, move your ass. When one of the twenty five people in front of me turns around to give me the stink eye. I think to myself.....Did I really just say that out loud????? That was suppossed to stay in my head. Anywho, My Grump is here for a few days. I think he has had a great time so far. All he has done is watch football and drink beer! Stay tooned for more to come from La La land soon. Twisted Sister and the little jerk fly in Monday!

Rockin and Rolling

So I get home from work at 6pm. Cole is working on his homework. Seven thirty rolls around and Cole is still working on his homework. I'm at my wit's end here with him. I don't know how to help him. I too have a hard time concentrating sometimes. I kind of blame myself for this problem. Bad genes ya know. I try to have patience but lose it from time to time. Did I tell ya I think homework sucks!

At X-mas I got some Ugg indoor, outdoor slipper-shoes! I love them. I wear them all the time. I even take them to work and wear them when no one is around. Did I say I LOVE Uggs??????

Hub's finally got an IPhone. This is what he looks like all the time. He is always messing with it. Which gives me more computer and TV time. I LOVE that he got this, it's like his new wife.

So yesterday I once again hijacked my 13 year old facebook page. He's not real bright because he did not erase his instant messaging. I pull up all his conversations and read them of course. Hub's and I are at odds over this. He thinks I should not mess with his facebook page. Me, I'm noisy and controlling, I want to make sure he is acting right. I come across a conversation that has to do with a bra. What I want to do his wake his ass up and ring his neck. I don't I stay on his page. I see my brother is on line so I test my skills on him. I start to instant message him to see if he knows it's me. He doesn't, score one for this super smart MaMa! I don't say anything about this in the am since he has a test. When he gets home I question him about this. It was him and his friend talking to this girl. I tell him he has to be careful what he talks about on line. There could be another crazy Mom like me out there! I also tell him it is not at all respectful to talk to a girl about a bra! The problem is some of these girls are posting pictures of themselves in bikinis and putting sexy bitches under it. What's a mom to do???? This world we live in now is a "hey look at me world". I just need to keep telling him to be respectful and to be careful what he puts on line! I feel another gray hair coming on. To much to soon, is all I think about!"

That last story takes me back to my middle school years. It was back in the days when phones had cords that you would try to stretch into your bedrooms for privacy. I got a call from a boy who will remain UN named since we are now FB friends. I picked it up not knowing that my Dad...aka the Grump had picked up the kitchen phone at the same time. The boy was asking me my bra size........which was probably still a training bra! I bloomed very late in life. All of the sudden I hear my Dad's voice on the other end saying....HANG UP THE PHONE KERRY! I remember being mortified, I don't know what I was mortified about. It could have been the fact that the Grump just embarrassed the shit out of me or the fact that the Grump just heard a boy ask me my bra size. Anyway, what my kid doesn't get is that I get it. I'm not naive at all. I was not a great kid, I did all the bad stuff. This makes it way harder for my kid because I can not be snowed.

I lucked out a little in way. When I was a kid Mom...aka..Debbie and Dad...ake..the Grump were slightly naive. They were together since they were 14, they got married right after HS. They never really dabbled in the bad stuff. This came in handy for me because they were a bit naive. Me not so much, I have done it all and my kids are screwed!

Anywho, I'm still going strong on my kicking my cousins ass on this work out kick. Three days going strong! I'm kicking ass and taking names! Even though I still have that annoying person in my brain trying to take me down. I can honestly say I have not stuck to much when it comes to me since I have had kids. This time I hope it's different. I didn't want to workout tonight but I did. While I was doing a yoga DVD upstairs, Cole came up. He told me the music was sad and the people looked like they were dying! I had to laugh my ass off. Me I thought the music sounded like porn and my hip cramped up which hurt like a MO FO!

The homework standoff

I know I've complained about homework before but BAHJESUS sometimes I think I'd rather be engulfed in flames. I do more homework now than I ever did in school. Crap the only thing I think of right now is.....I wish I did more homework then because maybe now I could have a personal assistant to do all this crap I hate.

Now I love teachers, I could never do what they do. But they give a lot of the homework that just causes the parents havoc. Maybe it's their pay back to us for dropping our crappy kids on them all day. Remember I have three kids which means I have three sets of homework to help with. Aidan had a timeline to do. This had to include seven main events in his little lifetime. I decided he was going to do this all on his own. I had him pick the seven important events that meant something to him in his seven years. Being a control freak I tried to talk him into different events than what he picked. Then I remembered these were his seven events not mine. He picked things like getting his dog and making his best friend. It did turn out pretty cute. What I forgot is he still would need help with the dates and the spelling. So as much as I said this was going to be done by him I still needed to help. No get out of jail free card on that one.

I have to redirect Cole every night when it comes to homework. I decided I would tally how many times I had to do this. He always tells me I yell at him too much during homework. I always tell him I don't start yelling until I have to tell you ten times to do your homework. At one point during this Cole and I are having a stare off. He whispers under his breath.....YOUR RUDE. I would have never dared to talk to my parents that way at ten. That crap came years later. So were kind of having a homework standoff at this point. I say.....COME ON COLE! He looks me square in the eye with tears in his eyes and says........You seriously make it hard for me to concentrate. OHHHH ME GOSHHHH are you kidding me kid?????? All I can think is.......You seriously make me want to slit my wrist sometimes.

I leave Cole alone for a few minutes to help Aidan with something. When I come back do I find him doing his homework???? Hell No, He throws this tally sheet in my face that tallies how many times Mom Cussed. He spelled cuss cust which made it slightly funny. Don't be judging me now when he says I cuss he means words like crap and damn. The real bad cussing is going on in my head. My cousin Chelsea was here last week and helped the kids with their homework. It was so nice.

Chelsea came on New Years night. I had a long list of resolutions that I could not start due to having a house guest. Of course when you have a house guest you do fattening lunches and cocktails at night. There is no time to workout either. While she was here we decided we both needed a little work on our bodies. We both took measurements of our waist, hips, and thighs. We decided to make a little contest out of this. Now having a contest is the ONLY way I can stick to something. I don't like to lose, I'm kind of a brat that way. We decided to start this crap on Monday Jan. 10th. Then I said.....wait I'm not starting anything on a Monday. That day never seems to work out for me. I got a text from her Monday night asking if I was ready to start this crap. She also says she refuses to diet or give up cocktails 100%. Then she throws a little "GAME ON" thing in there. Hearing "GAME ON" just puts me in the mood to take her ass down. I text back.....I'm with ya. No diet or rehab in this house either. I have to throw my little "Game on" back at her.

So I wake up Tuesday morning with the theme song for Rocky singing in my brain. I jump out of bed and hit the gym. Well lets back up, I wake up Tuesday morning get the kids off to school and go back to bed. I roll out at around ten. I'm fighting with that annoying person that seems to occupy space in my brain about working out. This person hates me it wants me to do bad things like sit on the sofa and watch TV. No way I'm in a competition. I get off my ass and do an hour of yoga. I only have one soda all day. The bad thing is when I'm on these kicks all I want to do is eat, eat, and eat after the workout. The sensible part of my brain is saying small portions. I do alright for the day. After I get Cole and Aidan.....aka...Dumb and Dumber in bed I go to our free community gym with Blake and his friend. I lived here almost four years now, this is only my second time in that gym. SAD, but true. I get on the bike and decide I'm going to ride it for an hour. After five minutes I think I will start with fifteen minutes and work my way up. Crap I'm out of shape!!!!! Anywho GAME is totally ON, on day one! Lets see how bad my body feels tomorrow. I have a strange feeling it's going to give me a big Puck you.

Sunday, Sunday

So I'm sitting on my new not as comfortable as my last sofa on a Sunday afternoon. I'm still in my PJ's, my teeth aren't even brushed, and I think I have a little B.O. SEXY right!!!! I have watched everything from stuff on my DVR to Kendra. So much for all those New Years resolutions. It's 4:44 by the way. I did throw a load of laundry in. So Aidan walks up he asks me something in his very soft spoken voice. I have to say WHAT I can't hear you.



AIDAN.......MOMMMM can I have all Blake's empty gun packs??? By the way Blake is a gum junkie.


ME......WHY???? What in the world do you want with empty gum packs?


AIDAN....I want to have a collection


ME.....That's not a collection.....That would make you more of a garbage collector. We aren't housing garbage collectors in this house.


AIDAN.....BUT PLEASE I LIKE THEM.


ME....Your scaring me, please get out of my face. I can't concentrate on my TV.


So about an hour later the little soft spoken boy comes back.


AIDAN.....Mom I found two dollars


ME....Where?????


AIDAN ....In a drawer.



ME....YOUR DRAWER?????


AIDAN.....NO


ME....What drawer???


AIDAN.....The kitchen drawer.


ME.....THAT'S MY DRAWER!!! THIS MEANS YOU DIDN'T FIND IT YOU TOOK IT. NOW GO PUT IT BACK YOU LITTLE THIEF.



AIDAN.........LOSERS SWEEPERS, FINDERS KEEPERS.


ME...... Kid it goes more like Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers. So get your shit talk straight before you open your mouth. Unless you want me to make you start weeping you better get the puck out of my face and put my shit back. Now that last part was all in my head. I would never tell my kid to get the puck out of my face. All in my head people, for all you judges out there put your invisible gavel down. I'm only partly an asshole. Being raised an Irish Catholic girl my thoughts sometimes scare me. For some reason I thought there was something in the ten commandments about bad thoughts. I saved this post while I "googled" the ten commandments. Gosh forbid I post something wrong my twisted sister will laugh her ass off and call me out on it. I was wrong so I'm glad I took the time to google it. Anywho I was seriously laughing my ass off when I pulled up the ten commandments on a site. I think I added a few minutes to my life from laughing so hard. Ya know Dr. OZ says laughing is really good for you. Maybe if I laughed every time I did something bad my life would even out. Sorry my overactive brain is out of control again. The commandment that made me laugh so hard went something like this...............You shall not covent your neighbors house; his wife; his male servant; nor his female servant; nor his OX, donkey, or anything that is his. My thoughts go right back to the dark side after reading this. I can't help but wonder did the commandment mean don't have sex with your neighbors donkey??? Now I am in no way making fun of the ten commandments, I just can't control these bad thoughts.


Here's my new not very comfortable sofa. When I sent a picture of it to my twisted sister her reply was.....Will you be doing office work from yer family room???? Then She tops it off with a LOL. I'm not really laughing my ass off, glad I can add years to her life though. The worst part about this is Hub's will not allow my dog on this sofa. I spoon with the dog every night on my old sofa. I think the dog is starting to think he is my husband! Wow that phrase "in a perfect world" is occupying my lame brain bout now. Evil, evil, thoughts!

Just look at this fabulous salad I made. I'm thinking of turning this blog into a recipe one. Thoughts anyone????????

Hub's and I like just a couple of the same shows on TV. Most shows he walks by and says something like.....I can't believe you watch this shit. There's a lot of things I can't believe about him but I don't throw it in his face. We sit down to watch "The Middle" from last week. OH ME Gosh sometimes when I watch that show I feel like I'm watching my life. This was one of those moments. It was a show about how we as parents do everything for our kids and not much for us. They take over our houses, TV's, computers, cars, and so on and so on. While watching this show we are interrupted at least five times from these people that live with in our house wanting to know where THEIR shit was. Shit that WE bought mind you. LOVE that show! Anywho, I need to get off my ass get in the shower, it's now 6:17. I need to go to the grocery store since we are out of drinks, lunch meat, and bread. These damn people need lunches for the AM. Once again sorry for bad grammar, run on sentences, mis-spelling, mis-use of words, and to and too puck ups!