The Golden Jerk is in Austin

Last night my twisted sister and Ella...aka....the golden jerk were supposed to land at 10:30pm. Their flight was delayed, delayed, and delayed. Joe.....aka......lost in translation and I do a little yoga. I did talk him into doing it with me. The problem is he made me laugh the whole time so I don't know if I got much benefit from it. Since Dr OZ says laughing adds years to your life I don't kick his ass. I was just trying to get some energy because I knew I would be making a midnight run to the airport....actually a one O'clock run. Finally on my way to the airport I'm blasting music and singing at the top of my lungs. I end up driving next to an ambulance and I can see everything going on in the back. Being the nosey girl that I am I drive right behind this sucker so I can watch what's going on back there. I see the person back there is 40ish but I can't tell what their doing to him. The person is awake so that's a good thing plus their not driving with the lights on which is why I can drive right behind them and look in. I wonder about this person in the back and what happened to them. Did they fall, have a heart attack, stroke, broken arm, etc,etc,etc. See how crazy my overactive mind works. Anywho, I get to the airport and the golden jerk is wide awake. She is as cute as ever and gives me a big smile.

When we get back to my house I'm really excited that she is here. That is until she projectile vomits all over my kitchen. Twisty, lost in translation, and I were in deep conversation at the top of our lungs, as Hub's would tell me the next day. All the sudden Twisty is screaming and I mean screaming......SHE'S PUKING, WHAT DO I DO SHE'S NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. Me, I'm frozen not because I don't know what to do, but because I can't believe the Twisted ones reaction. After my frozen state I can't stop laughing at Twisty. Hello you hold them till their done, clean them up after, kiss them, get them situated, clean the mess., and grab a cocktail because it's going to be a long 24 hours. I'm a frickin pro at this sick stuff. The Twisted one has a lot to learn. First of all don't scream at the top of your lungs in a frozen state while something bad is happening to your child. This will mess them up and you will be the one to pay for your short comings in the future. Not to mention she probably really freaked the Golden Jerk out by her reaction. BTW, Twisty is the reason I have a puke picture on here which is why I call her the Twisted one. Me, I only like pretty pictures.

So the night before we blamed the plane or her being up so late for the vomit issue. The next day she really doesn't look any better. Totally out of it and not her Golden child self. BTW, if I get this nasty projectile pukes I have mixed emotions, one I think I hate puking, two I think maybe that would get rid of unwanted belly fat.

What do Twisty and me do?????? We leave the sick jerk with our Brother and go out and act like a few ten year olds. It's funny while we are racing through the hood on these motorcycles I can't help but think how cool it is to be a kid. No worries about paying bills, getting old, or raising ungrateful kids. I think I like this. I may just act like a ten year old from now on. We run into a neighbor who happens to be a stay at home Dad right now. I ask him if we would like to have a play date. He says...yes give me a call. I ask if his wife would mind. He says...why would she mind???? I say....because were hawt...why else! Totally joking by the way. I don't think he gets my humorous side. So we go back in for a bit and then we ride these things to go get Cole and Aidan from school. As big as assholes as we look they love it. They get on the back and we ride home.

After the kids are home we go outside, that's right all you Chicago readers we play outside in January here.

Did I ever tell you I have the best dog ever?????? I always say this but I may just like him better than the people I live with. At least I have done one thing right in my life.

As sick as the jerk is she is still the cutest jerk I have seen. I'm so happy she is here. Today was spent with family and much laughter.

My kids are just thrilled that the jerk is here sick or not.

After hanging out outside Twisty and me head to the local...well kind of local HEB for food for a few days. While there the HEB has a strange pick of music on the over head. There is some seventies song about a gypsy, so I come around the corner doing a gypsy dance trying to embarrass the Twisted one. Can't knock her off her game all she does is laugh. We come home two hundred and fifty dollars later, I hope Hub's doesn't read this till next month! What do my kids do?????? They act like they have never seen food before and get a taste of everything. This is why I had to get a job and I don't like it!

Later that night I get everyone to do some yoga. The funny thing is is I have gas so I gas them the whole time! Now all of you that say I can't believe she just said that......we all have gas from time to time, who better to release it on then family??????

Enough with the pics I have gas for Gods sake! Anywho my Twisted sister spent her day hijacking my facebook. She put things on my status like....I wish I was more like my sister. She's funny and smarter. Oh well I guess I'll just have to settle. Anyone who knows me knows I would never admit to defeat even if I was defeated. Ignorance is bliss for Gods sake. What cracks me up is the cheerleaders that wrote things like.....your not that bad, your funny too, your beautiful, (BTW, I love that one) you are who you are and I like you just fine. I did not write this crap people, I have never written crap like that on facebook. Then my Brother wrote on my status....Kinda feelin down, if I only had a head on shoulders as good as my brothers......All I have to say to this is GAG. If you think I wrote this you don't know me at all! BTW, these siblings of mine stole my thunder because I started the facebook hijacking with my brother this week. All I have to say is they are always riding on my coatails.