The Golden Jerk comes to Austin

Gosh, I am behind on this blogging shit. This is a picture from the first day of school. I posted it on facebook and my Sister...aka...Twisty calls laughing at me. She says.....So I saw the picture you posted on facebook of the kids first day of school. I wish you could hear the sound of her voice. Whenever she is about to slam me or make fun of me her voice changes. It's like she has a special voice for being a smart ass. A lot of times she starts her statement out with a long drawn out SOOOOOOOO. I always know I'm about to get hit with something. She has a very flat voice almost like her Midwestern accent is on steroids. She almost reminds me of a toad. I say....wasn't that picture cute. She says........You could have combed their hair, it was the first day. I say....don't worry you will be just like when your kid gets in school. She says....Not on the first day. If I have learned anything in my old age it is be careful when you talk shit. It usually has a way of coming back to bite you in the ass. I finally get the saying...."Never say Never"! Now I say....Never????, Whatever!!!!!

The teenager was especially fun to get out of bed on the first day. I go into his room singing....It's the first day of school yeah, yeah, yeah for me! All I hear is a grunt coming from the bed. I sing a little louder and there is a louder grunt. I say......come on get out of bed, you need to shower and to brush your teeth. I now get a grunt with a Mommmmmmmm. I then go to drastic measures. I open up the blinds and pull off the covers. I stand over his bed saying......Get up, get up, get up, over and over. My Dad...aka...Grumps used to do this to me. It is one of the worst memories of my childhood. He still does it when I stay with him in the summer! It kind of makes you want to put your pillow over your ears and scream at the top of your lungs. It's makes my list of top ten annoying things for sure. He finally gets up because he like me can not take it anyone.

My Mom, Dad, and Ella....aka....the golden jerk were in from Chicago for a long weekend. After I get the kids out the door we head to Wimberly TX.

Even though I love the Golden Jerk I don't love how she snows my Grumps. She knows already that she has him wrapped around her finger. She's a smart jerk too. She totally uses this to her advantage. I'm not worried though. She's getting pretty feisty and dramatic about certain things. Now the Grump has no tolerance for that kind of behavior. I take the Golden Jerk aside to have a chat with her. I tell her enjoy him while you can because he will be mine again some day. EVIL LAUGH, EVIL SMILE. Then I tell her they do not call me the evil genius for nothing.

You can see our talk went really well as she lures him away once again. She turns around to stick her tongue out at me as she walks away. I stick my tongue out at her too.

So we get back home from Wimberly. Here is the golden jerk on my sofa eating. This is a big NO,NO. Does she get away with it???? Of course she does. Does anyone even say anything to her about it???? Of course they don't. She is just to damn cute. Her little voice is the cutest thing you have ever heard too. Unlike Twisty's voice.

The teenager gets home from school and is immediately attracted to her charm too. This girl is going to be something if she can keep this stuff up! It will be funny listening to Twisty complain when she is a teenager.

We drop the Golden Jerk off at my friends Robin's house. We want to go out for an adult dinner. Still surprised Grumps could pull himself away from her. It's my time to shine now. Well not really we are out celebrating Hub's and my Mom's birthdays.

The boys love when Ella comes for a visit. Cole has even come up with some pretty impressive ways in which we can keep her. Twisty is having no part of it though.

I think my favorite thing about her is even though she is cute as shit, she is slightly vulgar. She loves to tell people her feet stink and then shove them in her face to take a whiff. I can't tell you how many times she announced that she farted in a not so quite voice. This was driving my Mom...aka...positive Patty nuts. Patty grew up in the era of good manners. This is the era where men farted and girls passed wind. Every time Ella announced that she farted, Patty would try to brain wash her that girls don't fart. This went over like a fart in church. Girl farted all day like a boy in front of whoever and announced it every time. As much as Patty tried to change the little golden jerk who farts into a princess who passes wind it just wasn't working. It is refreshing to watch the honesty of a young child. Could you imagine how liberating it would feel to fart loud where ever we wanted and say.....Yeah that's right I farted. How many times have you been somewhere and you have held one in painfully. Wouldn't it be nice to let that sucker go instead of waiting till you get in the car blowing yourself out. I could just see myself somewhere like the grocery store in line. I would let out a big loud one. I would turn to the person behind me and say....I farted! If I had guts or balls I would try this out. Remember though I was raised by positive Patty....I pass wind. I may pass the kind of wind that you hear in a big thunderstorm, but I pass wind.

It cracks me up because mom...aka...positive Patty tells me she has never passed wind in front of my Dad..aka...Grumps. This always shocks me since they have been together since high school and got married at 18. How do you go that long without ever slipping one out. Even though I was raised to be a proper lady by Patty something went terribly wrong. I love to fart loud in front of Hub's, I always hope it will get me a get out of jail free card. Never really works that way for some reason. Though I have to say I never fart in front of the Grump, at least out loud that is. Farts make me laugh. Fart noises, fart stories, everyone has a great fart story. I have a really good fart story but I wouldn't dare tell it on here. That story is only told after a few beers to very close friends.

Her weekend visit went fast once again. I'm always so sad when she goes. I so wish she lived by us. Do you hear me UNIVERSE????

What I love and I think Hub's loves even more is when Patty comes and tackles one of our messes. This time she got the towel closet. I should have taken a before pic. She is like Martha Stewart on redbull. She will be retiring soon. I can't wait! I want her to come and go through every closet and drawer in the house. She is the most organized person I know. That gene skipped me for sure. My house is always clean but don't you dare open a drawer or closet here. Patty's mother was like me too. I remember being a kid and loving going through her unorganized drawers. You never knew what you would find. One time I found a bloody finger. It belonged to one of her boyfriends. HaHa, just kidding. Once again writing this was enough for me. Ignore bad grammar, bad writing, run on sentences, and bad spelling. To tired to proof read, maybe I have that attention thing. Maybe someday I will take that creative writing class I look up on line all the time. As for now I'm busy with sports, school, and driving these people around.