40th Birthday girl style

A few friends and I are going out to celebrate my 40th. I come home with these super cute shoes to go out in. So hubby and me get into alittle discussion about the shoes.
HUBBY......Your going to wear those out????
Me.....Yes, aren't they cute????
Hubby.....Your going to break your ass in those!
Me....What????Really????I am not.
Hubby.....Your going to be drinking and walking around in those. You can't walk straight sober.
Me.....Well I'm wearing them, I think they are cute.
Hubby....Were going skiing in a week with or without you. You better bring a change of shoes for when you break your ass.
Hubby goes to take the boys to practice. I'm in my room trying on what I'm going to wear. I decide to give the shoes a try. While I'm standing there in the mirror alittle wobbly I think damn they look so cute and make me look so tall. I decide I'm going to walk around the house in them to see how I do. I look like a train wreck walking around.....not at all sexy. This was not what I was going for at all. Not to mention I hate that Hubby was right. So I opt for some more sensible shoes not as cute or as sexy......A run way model I will never be.


The very sweet but not so sexy limo driver. I was kinda hoping for some eye candy! He had the window down between him and us the whole night. I guess he was enjoying all the funny shit girls talk about. As the night went on he probably heard some stuff that he may be still laughing at. I hope he learned something.

It was so much fun driving around in the limo. I could get used to having a driver. It was so nice to go down town and not have to worry about parking.

Our first stop was the Four Seasons down town. I had never been there before. It was really nice and low key.

We were all laughing about having double chins in some pictures. So we decide this is our new Hollywood pose.

Next stop we head out for a great dinner. This is where I spill red sauce on my dress. Never fails I should know not to wear white....this happens to me every time.

The buzz has kicked in! I ask the limo driver to put down the sunroof because I think it would be a great idea to hang out of it! This is always where my evil not so sensible twin sister takes over. Thank God, he says he can't because there is a 1500 dollar fine in Austin if you are caught

We are all singing and having a great time. Poor Larry the limo guy....at this point I would have rolled up that window. It's funny when your buzzed and all the sudden you think your a rock star. We are all belting the tunes out as loud as we can.

"Oh what a night" So much fun hanging with just the girls. We are now headed to our next stop.

La Bare, for those of you who don't know this is a strip club. As were walking in I'm thinking were going to look like old desperate housewives. Not so much we end up being the hottest chicks in there. My friend got a table for us at the front with balloons, champagne, and a T-shirt that I can not wear in public! We are getting alot of attention I guess they think we look like rich bitches. So before we even headed out I agreed to go here but I told one of my friends she better not put me on stage for my Birthday. So she gets me a table dance. This to me is not fun I didn't like being dry humped in HS and I defiantly don't like it at 40. I spend my dance asking this guy all kinds of questions.......

Me....So how old are you????

Stripper....22, how old are you???

Me....First I'm counting back and realize I'm old enough to be this boys Mom. Then I tell him I'm here to celebrate my 40th Birthday.

Stripper.....40???Really????Damn girl you are one hot MaMa!

Me......Even though I know they are paid to say this, I've been waiting to hear it from someone, so I say Thanks! I then tell him hey I have three kids too....how about that!

Stripper...Really????With that body, I hope my wife looks as good as you when she is that OLD! How old are you kids????

Me.....I'm still trying to recover from the OLD comment. Boys don't think before they speak, he just ruined his tip. I tell him how old my boys are like he really gives a shit.

Stripper.....I have a brother that age!

Me.....Wow burst my bubble alittle more....now I really feel old.

My dance is over thank God. He was kinda a greasy guy, I guess they put baby oil on to show off their shaved chests. I go back to the table and the next thing I know this 250 pound women comes up and says come with me! What?????No!!!!!! She's like Oh come on this is going to fun. She takes me behind the stage I know at this point that my friend didn't listen to a damn thing I said. I have to sit behind the stage for a whole song while I wait to go up and make an ass out of myself! I do have to say I'm finding the behind the scenes most interesting. There are two guys arguing back there about god knows what. There is the 250 pound lady who calls herself the "house mom" slapping the guys on the ass, while shes telling me she has the greatest job in the world. I'm sitting there very politely with my legs crossed like a lady taking this all in. The room smells like baby oil and cigarettes. The guys have lockers back there and one has a picture of two guys kissing. I'm thinking to myself jeez maybe this job has turned these guys gay. I did notice women in these places kinda act like animals. So it's my turn to go up. It is just as bad as I imagined it. They put me in chair and this guy dressed as a cop is swinging his sausage which is right at eye level to me. I haven't been face to face with one of these in a long time! Thank God this only goes on for one song. I'm done being humiliated now. I go back to the table and say OK I've had all the fun I can stand for one night. We call Larry limo guy to come get us. The drive home is fun we are all singing at the top of our lungs again. We are laughing at all the greasy men. As much fun as it was I think I will be OK if I never go to La Bare again.

I think my friend Robin had the most fun at the strip club.....she may become a regular. In actuality I think she had a great time until that stop. We won't be taking her there when she turns 40! Robin and me think we are Rock Stars all the way home. All I can say is poor Larry....he should have rolled up that window.

We all made it home in one piece. So we all go in for a night cap. Stupid idea all of us have multiple children who all have games in the AM. Could someone please tell us we are no longer in our twenties!!

I walk in and Hubby's in the kitchen. I think I'm so funny with this balloon under my dress. I say to him "look honey I went to the strip club and brought you back a present. He is not laughing. But I'm laughing my ass off.

This is the picture that I was looking at the next day thinking "Oh Kerry you are so not cute when you drink" I think I'm going to print this puppy out and take it with me on my next adventure to be the voice of reason.

We are now trying a different Hollywood pose to see if we look thinner from this angle. We spend the next hour dancing around my kitchen and talking shit about our night. Great night with these people I don't live with. Thanks to my Bff's for taking me out.