I'm getting myself an air horn.

Crazy busy day here today. I do feel like I got alot accomplished. I've been trying to bribe Cole and Aidan into not having a Birthday party. I offered them each $100 to not have a party. What was I thinking why in the world would these kids that have everything need 100 dollars. So here I am trying to whip up a party for this Sunday....talk about flying be the seat of my pants. I got up at my standard 10 and googled bounce houses. I found one that was pretty reasonable so I booked it, stupid me didn't look at the weather and of course its supposed to rain. After that I head to the good old HEB, I'm in the check out line with almost 300 dollars worth of groceries. I'm a huge people watcher so I'm checking out what the guy behind me is buying. He has beer, wine. smokes, and junk food......I think to myself ahhh how nice for him. I ask him if he would like to trade lives for a week. He kinda looks at me like I'm smoking crack and lets out alittle chuckle. I know damn well when I turned around he was totally rolling his eyes at me. I get home and try and get the groceries put away as fast as I can. I know if there not put up by the time the kids get home that they will feel the need to taste test everything. Kids get home from school and I'm going through their backpacks. I come across a note that says science projects due tomorrow. Holy shit I thought these suckers were due Friday!!!!! I really think the science projects should be optional lets leave this shit for the overachievers. Bottom line is the kids don't really do them.....yeah they help, but you have to walk their ass through every step. Not to mention you have to print all the shit, put it all on the board so its straight, and if your like me your kids go to bed while you finish the project. Anyway Cole has his friend who is a girl over. She stays for dinner because her Mom is at a church class. I am mortified during dinner when Cole and Aidan are talking about farts and butt holes. Of course I nip this in the butt as soon as it starts. I find myself sitting there thinking who's kids are these....I sure as shit didn't raise them. I'm always telling them to be respectful of girls. My big thing is never say anything that will hurt a girls feelings and leave the potty talk for your boy friends. I start to realize my kids don't hear a damn word I'm saying. I'm kinda feeling like a failure again. So she goes home and we get down to science central here. While working on the science projects I'm telling them that they will never get a girlfriend when they are older if they have these bad attitudes and potty mouths. Cole looks at me and says "Hey I wouldn't be talking if I were you." WHATTTTT??????? Did you really just say that???? Cole is like "I really don't think you have a great attitude either." So needless to say this kid once again gets everything he loves taken away. Aidan who loves to add fuel to the fire says "Cole was potty talking outside too." I always play like I already know. I say I know I saw him on my secret camera. Cole is like "where are the secret cameras outside?" I say Don't worry about it, just know that I see everything. He says "It's in the tree isn't it?" I'm like maybe. He then tells me he knew that because he accidentally knocked it out of the tree the other day. Now I'm laughing my ass off inside. I don't know what the hell he knocked out of the tree but I'm just happy that my huge lie is still working. We continue with these awful science projects, I'm telling them what to do and no one hears a word I'm saying. Now this is frustrating since they hear when I slip out a swear, they hear when I'm talking shit on the phone, and they hear shit they shouldn't. BUT they never hear when it comes to homework, doing something, or going to bed! I saw a commercial for an air horn while putting these stupid science projects together. I thought to myself I'm going to get me one of those and I'm going to blow it every time I have to repeat myself more than once. Once again another fabulous day with these people I live with.