Defeated and Deflated

Well where should I start???? Did you ever have a day where you felt defeated and deflated??? Today is my day, this is not my first run at this either. Being a Mom is hardest job I could have ever imagined. I write this blog for several reasons. Number one to get this crap out of my head and to look back and try to make better decisions. Number two I hope that I'm not the only one feeling like this. Number three is to give a copy of this to my kids after they have their first kid! I'm going to wish them luck and spend the rest of my days laughing my ass off at them. So anyway I throw my two youngest children a birthday party today. To be honest I tried like hell to get out of this. I bribed them but they would not budge. Why would these two kids who have everything need any money! Of course they wanted a party. I put this party together in a matter of days. So I rented a bounce house and it rained almost the whole day, go figure. I think most of the kids had fun anyways. Unlike adults things like rain don't bring kids down. They still go out an make the most of the day. I had a disco set up in the garage so they could get out of the rain. We had pizza, from one of my bff's pizza place(little Caesars, at the Y) and cake! BTW, you can't beat the little Caesars prices for kids party and they love it. So party turns out great despite the rain. Cole my nine year old had some drama through the party. My first grader and his friends have 0 drama! I find myself breaking up fights between the third graders and trying to reason with the ones who are crying! I'm thinking Damn this is nothing wait till you get in the real world! I know I always hated hearing that kinda stuff as a kid though, so my thoughts stay thoughts as they should. The party ends and all went as good as could be expected. My oldest goes to "wake up" a great church group for kids. I go to pick him and his friend up after the church group. We are in the car driving home and these two 12 year old boys are telling me they are going to marry their girlfriends because they are in love. My thoughts are negative.....I'm thinking Please....your not going to marry them! I don't want to burst their Innocent bubble so I say Oh that's nice! I tell them how important it is to be respectful to girls! I think these two boys really get it and I'm proud of them and their innocents. So we get home and I'm putting the two young ones to bed. I settle down to watch the academy awards. The two little ones keep coming down, fighting, crying, and complaining! I'm cool at first but someone can only take so much. I find myself yelling! They always have a hard time going to bed especially on Sundays since they slept in. I can't believe I gave them this great party and this is what I get. I find myself saying something I swore I would never say, so I tell them "I gave you the best day ever and this is how you repay me????" I also hated hearing that as kid because as kids we think the world revolves around us. Kids are finally asleep and I'm sitting here thinking I'm defeated and deflated because I don't get why their never happy no matter what I do. I so want them to "get it" but their kids so they don't get it. I find myself sitting here feeling guilty that they are unhappy.......but why???? I just gave them a great day! What is enough????? Anyway another day with these people I live with. Sorry about the babbling and the ranting and raving! Also sorry I know my grammar sux!